


Entropy

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Entropy [2]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Consequences, Dragon Sickness, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fear, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Loss of Control, Secrets, Slow Burn, Team as Family, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:05:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 35
Words: 214,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16572782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: There are consequences to every action, even those done to save friends and family and Natsu discovers that sometimes the scales don't balance out. Months after the events in the Celestial Spirit World his magic has yet to settle down, and when he finally seeks help he discovers that the fates aren't always kind to those who fight for others.





	1. Chapter 1

Previously:

_Natsu was twisting on the bed, trying to find something…anything to alleviate the burning pain that seemed to be racing into every part of his body. It was worse than anything he’d ever felt before, and yet the pained cries that he could feel welling up his chest couldn’t seem to escape past the tightness that had formed in his throat. The air around him was heating up, and his eyes widened as he realised that beneath the layers of pain his magic was beginning to stir. It felt slightly like it had when he’d been trapped in Daphne’s dragon, as though some other force was tapping into what was his and trying to steal control of it away from him and he clenched his hands even tighter as he struggled to bring it back under his control._

_The pain was increasing even as his magic strained even further against his weakening control and he forced himself up into an upright position, his mouth working soundlessly as he tried to shout for help. Dizziness swamped him the moment he became vertical, and he immediately reached up intending to grasp his head, but the moment his hands relaxed from the desperate fists they’d formed he felt his weakening grip on his magic snap with a nearly audible sound. Fire filled the air around him, and for the first time, he found himself afraid of his own magic, flinching away even as it rushed away from him and towards the far wall and yet he forced himself to look at it. His eyes widening as he realised that this wasn’t his normal fire…interspersed among the flames of his own magic, was streaks of other colours…other magic he realised spotting blues, purples, gold and black and he could only watch helplessly as the magic tore into the far wall._

_Watching the wall beginning to burn he slammed his eyes shut, not wanting to see it as he threw all his strength into reigning his magic in once more. It was a battle…the flames fighting him every inch of the way and he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. **Give me back my magic!** He didn’t know who or what he was pleading with, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, he had to get it back under control before it destroyed the place…before it endangered Happy. That final thought sent a jolt through him, and his eyes shot open as he felt the flames finally beginning to respond to his efforts, watching with relief as they slowly died away until all that remained was a charred wall and the smell of burnt wood in the air._

_“What happened?” Happy demanded as he rushed into the room a moment later with a panicked expression having felt the surge of magic as he reached the landing, and he came up short as he took in the badly damaged wall before he turned his attention to Natsu. “Are you okay?” He asked anxiously as he took in the Dragon-slayer’s dishevelled appearance and the fear that he could see in wide olive eyes, wondering what on earth could have happened to put that expression on his face._

_“I don’t know…” Natsu whispered when he eventually found his voice once more, staring blankly at the scorched wall before his gaze shifted down to his hands, hastily hiding them under the covers as he realised just how badly they were trembling._

**_What the hell was that?_ **

********

     Natsu cursed as he stared wide-eyed at the fresh scorch mark on the living room floor, his hands beginning to tremble as he clenched them together as he felt his magic starting to subside back to its usual background hum. Taking a deep breath as he realised that the pain that had heralded the outburst had receded as well he staggered backwards, sinking down onto the sofa as his legs gave out beneath him and he buried his head in his hands as breathing began to speed up. He was scared. It had been six months since that first outburst when he was still recovering from his rash actions while fighting the Celestial Spirit Beast, and yet his magic was still unsettled.

     He hadn’t told anyone about that first attack despite Happy’s worried pleas, figuring that it was just a side effect of eating such unusual magic and after a week of being laid up he had seemed to get back to normal. There was no sign of the crippling pain that assaulted him just before the outburst, and his magic was the same as always, and he had been out and about with the others, training and taking jobs and generally causing havoc. But then a month after the first attack it had happened again - the same pain flooding his body, causing him to collapse in the middle of a job and nearly landing him in dire trouble if the outpouring of magic that had followed hadn’t taken out his opponent as well as decimating the immediate area. It had been over just as quickly as the first, and as none of the others had witnessed it, he carefully concealed it, blaming the damage on his usual destructiveness despite the lecture that earned him from Erza.

    Still, he had been convinced that it was nothing serious.  But the attacks had continued after then, occurring more and more frequently especially over the past couple of months and worse they had intensified. The pain that preceded it was worse than anything he had experienced before, feeling as though his body was trying to tear itself apart from the inside and as he brushed trembling fingers against his face now he was unsurprised to find that his cheeks were damp and he bit his lip. Pain rarely affected him like this, a good thing considering their odd luck when it came to jobs and yet whatever this pain was threatening to break him every-time.

“Natsu! I’m home are…” Happy’s voice rang out, frighteningly loud in the silent house and Natsu’s head shot upwards in alarm, and his eyes widened as he realised that there was no time for him to hide the evidence of this latest outburst. He was still frozen in that position when the Exceed soared into the room, paling as the cat immediately came up short at the sight of the fresh damage to their home, a frown appearing as he glanced between it and the Dragon-slayer. “It happened again?”

“Yeah,” Natsu muttered knowing that there was no way for him to deny it, not with the still smouldering evidence lying at his feet and he couldn’t bring himself to look at the Exceed, knowing exactly what expression he would be wearing, and he braced himself as he waited for the usual words to spill forth.

“Natsu you really need to tell someone,” Happy’s voice was soft but strained as he gestured at the scorch mark, his eyes never leaving the Dragon-slayer, as he didn’t want to give his partner the chance to try and weasel out of this conversation again. “You can’t keep ignoring this!” He knew that Natsu wasn’t the type to really worry about things, but he knew that the Dragon-slayer was more worried about this than he was willing to let on, and he couldn’t understand why he was insisting on hiding this.

“It’s fine,” Natsu muttered after a moment, curling up on the couch as though he could hide from Happy, his gaze fixated on the far wall as the worry in the Exceed’s eyes became too much for him to bear. 

“Natsu!”

“I said its fine,” Natsu retorted, blinking at how heated his words had come out, glancing wide-eyed at Happy who was staring at him a hurt expression and he sighed before apologising softly. “Sorry…” There was no point in taking it out on Happy, especially when it was clear that the cat just wanted to help him out, and he was relieved when after a moment Happy nodded before drifting down to join him on the couch.

“I’m just worried about you…”

“I know, but I’m sure it’s nothing,” Natsu replied softly, reaching across to gently pat the Exceed on the head and Happy sighed, apparently not convinced by his words but unwilling to cause any further friction between them at least for the moment. Relieved Natsu shifted his attention back to the far wall, carefully keeping his expression as he contemplated his options. While he refused to let Happy see how worried he was, he couldn’t deny that he was growing increasingly concerned about what was happening, but he didn’t want to alarm the others which meant that he would have to try and investigate what was happening on his own. _I’ll try the library, maybe there’s something there that will help…_

****

    He rose early the next morning and headed for the guild, carefully making sure that he didn’t wake Happy, as he knew that there was no way he would be able to keep the Exceed quiet about what was going on if Happy discovered that he was worried enough to be doing research on his own. Sighing, hating the fact that he was keeping things from any of his friends, especially Happy he hurried through the quiet town. Erza had said something about choosing another job today, which meant that he wasn’t going to have long to search, and there was no way he could beg off work for ‘research’ as the others would immediately demand answers.

    Thankfully the guild was practically dead at this time of the morning, and he let out a soft breath of relief, as he had been worried that the Requip mage might have been around as she tended to rise early, especially when they were preparing to go on a job. Makarov was probably up as well, but he tended to take advantage of the early morning peace to try and catch up on the mountains of paperwork that they still managed to create for him, and he was unlikely to emerge from his office before mid-morning. Quietly he hurried towards the library, greeting the few mages that were currently around, ignoring their curious looks and glad that they didn’t know him well enough to ask what he was up to.

“Morning Natsu,” the soft greeting made him freeze just as he reached the door to the library, and his fingers tensed over the hand before he sighed and turned around to find Mira smiling softly at him from behind the bar, and he cursed himself for forgetting how early she started setting up the bar in the mornings.

“Morning,” He finally managed to mutter offering a weak attempt at a smile as he caught the glimmer of concern in her blue eyes, and he wondered what his expression had been showing, thankfully the smile seemed to reassure her.

“Happy isn’t with you?” She asked setting down the crate she was carrying and glancing around in confusion, and Natsu winced at the question, he was rarely in the guild without the Exceed when they weren’t on a job.

“No, I woke up early, so I left him to have a lie-in,” which was at least partially true he reassured himself, after all, he knew that Happy had stayed up rather late last night, and he had a feeling that the Exceed had been trying to keep an eye on him. “Is the library open?” He asked tilting his head towards the door, realising that there was no way he was going to be able to sneak in now, and hoping that she wasn’t going to be too curious about what he was up to.

“The library? Of course,” Mira frowned in confusion, pausing in the middle of putting the bottles away, and Natsu wanted to groan at her expression. “Why?” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously as the Dragon-slayer shifted uneasily for a moment, catching the panic that flashed through olive eyes before he managed to hide it, and this time she noticed the strained edge to his grin as he replied quietly.

“There’s just something I want to look up.”

“Do you want some help?” She offered, trying not to sound too suspicious, but she couldn’t remember the last time that Natsu had willingly entered the library. He had never been a big reader, although she was reasonably sure part of that was due to the harsh measures that Erza had used to pound letters and numbers into his head once they’d discovered that Igneel had only taught him a little bit of reading and writing. Her lips quirked up at the memory, easily able to imagine the proud look on the Requip mage’s face if she realised that Natsu was willingly going to read something and the shocked expression that Lucy would probably wear.

“No,” Natsu denied immediately, wincing as he realised how abruptly it had come out, and hastily adding in a calmer tone. “It’s all right, you look like you’re busy enough as it is and it shouldn’t take me long. He gestured at the pile of crates that he could see piled up behind the bar, feeling bad for not offering to help, but not wanting to lose his opportunity to search the library before his teammates arrived for the day.

“If you’re sure,” Mira replied, slightly taken back by his tone, unable to remember the last time he had been that short with her - if he ever had been, and she felt her suspicions growing. _What are you up to Natsu?_ It hadn’t escaped her notice that he had seemed slightly off over the past few months, and she had gleaned from Makarov’s rants that he had been more destructive than usual on the past couple of jobs. Which was saying something considering that Natsu was by far their most destructive mage, and she couldn’t help but worry that there was something more serious going on with him, but it was clear from his expression that he wasn’t willing to share for the time being.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” Natsu smiled at her, and it was a proper one this time, and she felt her worries settling slightly at the sight. It was enough to make her nod and smile warmly as he disappeared through the door, but once it closed once more, she felt her smile fading again unable to shake the feeling that something was wrong with the Dragon-slayer.

_Natsu…what are you hiding from us?_

**

    Natsu sighed with relief as the door closed behind him, waiting for a few minutes to see if Mira was going to follow him before heading down the stairs into the library, gazing around with wide eyes as he realised that he actually had no idea where to start. Sure he had been in here a few times to help others with their research, but that generally involved them dumping books on him and telling him exactly what he needed to look for, and he sighed he came to a halt. _What am I looking for? What am I hoping to find? Or hoping not to find?_

   He doubted that there was any point in looking for books on Dragon-Slaying magic. Books on any form of Lost magic were hard to come by at the best of times, and Igneel had said that there was very little written lore on his kind of magic. After all, what was the point when it could only be learnt in its purest form from a Dragon? Muttering under his breath, he headed for the catalogue that Levy had created after some of the others had complained that there were too many books in the library. His eyes narrowing in thought as he scanned it, looking for anything at all that might apply to his situation and wishing that he was better suited for this kind of thing. Eventually, he found a couple of books on fire magic that he hoped might have something in, retrieving them and claiming one of the tables, already feeling a headache beginning to form as he opened them and began to scour them for anything similar to what he was experiencing.

    He had been reading for an hour or so without luck, and he was just searching for another book that had been mentioned in one of the others when pain lanced through his body, dropping him to his knees with a weak cry.

“Not now. Please not now,” He mumbled pleadingly as he rubbed a hand over his chest where the worst of the pain was located, feeling his magic already beginning to rise in response to it and his eyes widened in alarm. _If he lost control here_ …There was no way he would be able to contain the fire before it caused considerable damage as he was surrounded by flammable material, and he wouldn’t be able to conceal it either. Desperately he screwed his eyes shut, focusing every bit of his energy on calming his magic, his free hand digging grooves in the wooden floor beneath his feet.

_Don’t lose control…Don’t lose control…_

 It took nearly half an hour for him to bring his magic back under control, and more than once it had almost escaped his grasp, and by the time the pain finally began to recede he was trembling with exhaustion. Panting harshly he leant against the bookcase next to him, wincing as he took in the damage he had caused to the floor, but at least that was less noticeable than a fire would have been, and he sighed with relief that, that disaster had been averted. It was the first time he had managed to stop the outburst, although he had a feeling that it was only a temporary delay and he could only hope that he would either be alone for the next one or that he would be able to delay it again.

    Still breathing heavily he forced himself back to his feet, staggering violently as his legs threatened to give way beneath him once more, his entire body aching and he stifled a groan as he gripped the bookcase for support. Usually, he recovered fairly swiftly after the outburst, but the pain seemed to be lingering this time, and he guessed it was because he had forced his magic to subside, adding that to his list of symptoms with a growing sense of dread. It was getting harder and harder to convince himself that this wasn’t something serious, and Happy’s voice echoed in the back of his mind, urging him to seek proper help.

“Not yet,” he mumbled stubbornly and ignoring the lingering pain he straightened and resumed his search for the book. He was determined to at least do as much as he could on his own before he would even considered worrying the others with whatever was happening to his magic.

**

A couple of hours later:

“Natsu?!”

“Huh?” Natsu blinked as he glanced up at the quiet call, finding Mira stood on the steps above peering down at him curiously and he hastily placed his arms over the book he was reading, relieved that he stashed the others away as soon as he had determined that they wouldn’t help.  “Mira?”

“Erza and the others are here,” She called, her eyes narrowing slightly as she realised that he was trying to hide the book, wishing that she hadn’t alerted him to her presence so quickly. She had been surprised when he hadn’t emerged from the library before this, having expected him to grow bored after just a little while, and it only added to her worry. It didn’t help that he looked paler than he had earlier, and as he rose to his feet, she could have sworn that he winced, his body seeming to sway for a moment before he straightened.

“Okay thank you,” he smiled up at her before moving across to return to the book, and she followed his movements closely. She didn’t like prying into others business, but she couldn’t help but feel it might be warranted in this case. However, she quickly schooled her expression back into one of casual interest as he headed up the stairs towards her a couple of minutes later, although her eyes were busy assessing every movement and expression.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” She asked lightly as she turned and led the way back up the stairs, the warmth in the air telling her that he was close on her heels.

“Not this time,” Natsu admitted lightly, figuring that it was safe enough to tell her that, and he felt better for saying something truthful. Still, it had been disappointing. He had managed to find some information of boosting fire type magic, but nothing about fire magic seemingly going out of control or even random outbursts and he was feeling somewhat defeated although he didn’t let that show.

“I could look for you while you’re away?” Mira offered, glancing back at him as they stepped into the main-hall, wondering if he would trust her enough to give her a hint into what he was trying to discover, but he shook his head.

“Thanks, but its fine.”

“All right, but my offer stands,” She tried not to let her disappointment show, before gesturing to where the rest of his team were gathered around their usual table and adding warmly. “I’ll bring you a drink over.” Smiling in thanks, he hurried across to join them, trying not to groan as he caught their curious glances and sending Happy a warning glance when he realised that the Exceed was staring at him with a knowing expression.

“Morning,” he muttered as he reached them, dropping down onto the bench beside Lucy and reaching out to snag a piece of toast from her plate, ignoring her irritated swat at his head although she didn’t really protest.

“What were you doing in the library?” She asked instead, and he wanted to groan, he should have known that they weren’t going to leave it alone and a quick glance showed that the others were listening in with interest.

“Just some reading,” he replied reluctantly, hastily biting into his toast in the hopes of putting off any more questions, although it looked as though his answer had just spiked their interest even more and he wanted to growl at them. _Was it really that surprising?_

“Reading?” Gray echoed doubtfully before a teasing smirk spread across his face as he added tauntingly. “Since when do you read Flamebrain?!” Natsu narrowed his eyes at the Ice mage, hastily swallowing his mouthful and opening his mouth to retort when Erza cleared her throat sharply, causing them both to sink down in their seats with mulish expressions knowing that any further bickering would result in a sore head at the very least.

“It’s good to see you’re reading more,” She said warmly as she glanced at Natsu with an oddly proud expression, and he narrowed his eyes at her tone, noticing that Mira was giggling as she appeared to settle a glass of juice in front of him. “And Gray you should know better than to pick fights in front of me.” Gray flushed slightly at the scolding and Natsu couldn’t resist the urge to stick his tongue out at his rival, only to yelp a second later when Erza rapped him sharply on the head, causing the Ice mage to smirk triumphantly at him.

“Why you…”

“Natsu!”

“Jeez can’t you two get on for once?” Lucy demanded with fond exasperation as she glanced between them, noting Natsu eyeing the rest of her toast with hungry eyes and with a sigh she pushed the plate across to him, smiling at the bright grin she was rewarded with before he tucked in with relish. Idly she wondered how early he had got to the guild, as it seemed as though he had missed breakfast given that he was devouring hers as though he hadn’t been fed for days, although given his usual eating methods that didn’t really mean much.

“Oi, we’ve got better,” Gray protested weakly, earning slightly disbelieving glances from the two girls and Happy and he sighed in defeat before adding in a slightly sulky tone. “Okay…only a little better…but still.” Natsu nodded in agreement, too busy eating and too relieved by the change of topic, to argue at the moment. Plus his head was still sore from where Erza had got him moments before, and he wasn’t keen to add to the other aches still assaulting his body.

“We’ve found a job,” Erza added as she turned back to the Dragon-slayer, pushing the job sheet towards him so that he could look at it. His eyes narrowed for a moment as he realised that they must’ve given up on waiting for him before he shrugged and turned his attention to the sheet, in all honesty, he wasn’t too bothered by what job they took, especially at the moment. However, his eyes widened as he read the top bit and he glanced up at her in surprise as he hastily swallowed his mouthful of toast.

“S-class? We’re taking an S-class job?” He asked hopefully, they had been trying to convince her for months to take them on an S-class job with her, especially as the others refused to risk sneaking off on one again, but she had always refused.

“Everyone could use the money, and you’ve all come a long way since Galuna Island,” Erza replied with a shrug, taking a delicate mouthful of her cake and savouring it before glancing at him and adding with a smile. “Besides the Master asked if I could take this one and I didn’t want to bail on you guys.” Before they had formed their team, she had nearly exclusively taken S-class missions, and he remembered hearing Makarov and Laxus discussing the fact that the guild didn’t accept nearly as many S-class missions as they used to.

“Alright!” he crowed triumphantly with a bright grin. There still hadn’t been any mention of another S-class trial occurring anytime soon, and there was no way he was going to pass up on this opportunity, steadfastly ignoring Happy’s worried gaze as he turned his attention back to the flyer. It seemed simple enough, dealing with a Dark Guild which was causing havoc on the outskirts of Crocus, but Galuna had taught him that there was often more to the job when it came to S-class jobs, not that he was worried as they were going to have Erza with them. “Is Wendy coming?” He asked, realising that the younger Dragon-slayer was missing even though she had seemed keen to go on a job with them.

“Yep,” Lucy replied with a smile, pleased to see the bright grin on his face. He had seemed a little down recently, and she had a feeling that was part of the reason that Erza had finally relented on the issue of S-class missions although they hadn’t discussed it. “She’s just helping Porlysuica with something today.”

“Poor Wendy,” Natsu shuddered at the thought of having to help the crotchety healer, ignoring the scolding look that Erza sent his way for his words.

“Anyway we’re going to leave tomorrow, it’s going to take us a couple of days to get there,” Erza said taking over, deciding that it wasn’t worth telling him off this time, and smirking as he immediately blanched at her words.

“Trains?” Natsu made it sound like a swear word, and she heard Gray muffling a snort of amusement at his tone, and she didn’t bother trying to keep the faint amusement out of her own voice as she replied.

“Of course.”  

“But…”

“It’s too far to walk!” Gray pointed out with a sigh, holding up a hand to stop the Dragon-slayer when Natsu opened his mouth to protest. _It’s never too far to walk,_ he thought with a pout as the Ice mage continued sternly. “Or swim, or fly, or whatever else you’re thinking of suggesting.” The pout morphed into a scowl as he glanced pleadingly at Happy, hoping that the Exceed who’d had to suffer through the worst of his motion sickness would support him, but the cat shook his head with a sympathetic expression, There was no way he was going to risk drawing Erza’s ire on himself. _Traitor._

“Maybe Wendy can cast Troia for you,” Lucy suggested with a fond smile, deciding that one of them should take pity on Natsu, especially as there was a definite green tinge to his cheeks at this stage.

“No, I want to keep that for emergencies,” Natsu admitted dejectedly as he pushed the last of the toast away, his appetite now thoroughly ruined. There had been too many occasions when his motion sickness had nearly landed him in trouble during a critical fight, and he would rather save Wendy’s spell for those situations, especially as she had no idea how many times she could use it on him before it lost its effectiveness. “It’s fine…as long as I get to do plenty of fighting!”

“Just try not to cause too much destruction,” Erza warned him with a scowl, and he couldn’t entirely hide his flinch at her words, knowing that he had caused more havoc than usual with his magical outbursts and he paled. _Should I really be going on a quest like this at the moment?_ Still, it was an opportunity that he really didn’t want to pass up, especially as he had no idea when they would next be able to convince her to take them with her on an S-class job, and he stubbornly pushed his concerns aside.

“I’ll be good,” he promised with a winning smile.

“Yeah, good luck with that Flamebrain!”

“What was that Ice Princess?”

“Boys!”

**

    Happy had remained quiet when they were in the guild, but Natsu knew that he was going to catch an earful when they got home as the Exceed hadn’t looked at all happy about the fact that they were going on the job. Therefore he was surprised that he hadn’t been bombarded with a load of questions and nagging when they’d left the guild to take care of their packing, Erza’s dire threats of not to be late the next morning ringing loudly in their ears. Not that Natsu had any intention of being left behind for this job, even if it meant braving the horrors of vehicles. Plus it would be fun to visit the capital again without the pressure of needing to win the games or the threat of Dragons hanging over their heads.

    The strange peace lasted until they had got home, and Natsu had just unearthed his rucksack when Happy cleared his voice softly behind him, making the Dragon-slayer sigh softly as he straightened and turned to look at his partner. It was only the genuine concern on the others face that stopped him from snapping out defensively. Instead, he tossed his bag on the bed before sitting himself on the edge and gesturing for the Exceed to get on with it.

“Are you sure about this?” Happy asked quietly, relieved that Natsu seemed willing to at least hear him out. He had been horrified when Erza and Lucy had told him they were planning on going on an S-class job, but he hadn’t known how to protest without giving away Natsu’s secret, something that he was unwilling to do without Natsu’s permission. It didn’t help that the girls’ had admitted to choosing this job in an attempt to cheer the Fire mage up. “What if..?” _What if you lose control again?_ He couldn’t bring himself to finish the question and just stared up at Natsu with pleading eyes, needing his partner to realise just how serious this was.

“Happy I’m fine,” Natsu sighed, trying not to glance across at the freshly repaired bedroom wall and instead offering the Exceed what he hoped was a reassuring smile before adding with a determined expression on his face. “It’s not going to happen again.” This morning had at least proved that it was possible for him to stop the outburst if he focused enough. Hopefully, he would be able to do it again if his magic surged again, and there was no way he was backing down about this job. He wanted to go more than anything!

“How do you know?” Happy demanded with narrowed eyes, not fooled in the slightest by the reassuring smile or determined expression as Natsu had been using them for the past few months. And there was a sharp edge to his voice as he added loudly. “It can’t be a reaction to that gunk anymore!” He had written off the first outburst as being just that, and even the first couple after that, but it had been months since then, there was no way that magic could be responsible for what was happening which meant that they had no idea what was happening. _Why aren’t you more worried about that?_

“It’s my magic I think I should know what’s going on with it!” Natsu retorted defensively, feeling his temper rising when he realised that Happy wasn’t going to drop the issue. _Please just let me have this…_

“Then what’s been causing it? Why were you in the library so early this morning?” Happy could tell that the Fire mage was getting irritated, the rising temperature in the room was a dead giveaway and he knew that it was probably dangerous to push at the moment. But he had to get Natsu to realise just how serious things were.  “Why would it stop now?”

“I…” Natsu floundered, it was one thing to offer false reassurances, but he didn’t want to lie to the Exceed or admit that he didn’t know. It didn’t escape his notice that Happy had worked out why he had gone to the library, and he wanted to groan. If the ordinarily oblivious Exceed was this in tune with what he was doing, it was unlikely that he was going to be able to keep this concealed from Erza and the others for much longer.

“Face it you have no idea what is happening!” Happy was relieved that Natsu hadn’t lied to him, but he could tell that the Dragon-slayer still had no intention of backing down on the matter of telling the others or going on this job, and he cursed his partner’s stubbornness. “Natsu…”

“I get that you’re worried,” Natsu said softly meeting the Exceed’s gaze and holding it for a moment, before glancing down at his hands which were clenched defensively in his lap, and his voice was slightly strained as he continued. “But I can still fight. I haven’t caused any real problems on our last few jobs. So let me deal with this.”

“But…”

“Please,” Natsu pleaded with a hint of desperation in his voice, and Happy hesitated, hating to see his partner in this state but reluctant to just let him have his way. Yes, he had been able to fight, but he was fairly sure that the increased destruction the Dragon-slayer had been causing was linked to the outbursts. On simple jobs, it didn’t matter too much, but this was an S-class job. If Natsu lost control at the wrong moment…

“I don’t like this,” Happy replied after a long moment, his ears and tail drooping as he studied Natsu, realising that for the time being he wasn’t going to win this argument. Natsu wasn’t in the mood to back down, and if he kept pushing then it would leave the Dragon-slayer with no one that knew what was going on, and there was no way he was about to risk that happening. “If something else happens with your magic, will you promise to tell someone?”

“Can I promise that I’ll think about it?” Natsu asked with a reluctant expression, given the way his luck had been going lately he doubted he would be able to get through the job without something else happening, and he didn’t want to box himself in with a promise like the one that Happy was asking for. Happy hesitated for a moment, not liking the leeway that promise would give the Dragon-slayer, as he doubted that the other’s arguments would change even if something else did happen, but in the end, he sighed and nodded knowing that it was the best he was going to get at the moment.

“But…Promise me that you will tell me at least if something happens, at least I already know about it,” He pointed out reasonably, and after only a brief hesitation Natsu nodded, unable to argue with the Exceed on this point and despite his lingering worries, the cat smiled slightly at his partner. “All right, then I won’t say anything else about it for now.”

“Thank you,” Natsu was unable to keep the relief out of his voice, even though it made Happy narrow his eyes briefly at him before sighing and nodding. With nothing left to say, for the time being, the pair split up to take care of their packing, although neither could get their minds off the conversation they’d just had and the potential for things to go wrong.

 _Please just hold out for this job. I’ll find out what’s going on when we get home,_ Natsu thought with a hint of desperation as he packed.

****

    Mira hummed softly to herself as she slipped into the library, Elfman was watching the bar for her while she was supposed to be grabbing her lunch, and she hadn’t been able to resist the urge to try and find out what Natsu had been doing. While she hadn’t been able to hear what they were talking about in the guild, she had noticed how Happy’s gaze had rarely left the Dragon-slayer, the concern in his eyes almost enough to make her go across and demand answers there and then. But it was clear from the way Natsu had been avoiding the Exceed’s gaze that whatever was going on was something that he wanted to keep hidden, and that had tempered her curiosity for the time being.

    The fact that he had actually bothered to put all his books away reinforced the fact that he was hiding what he was up to. She knew from past experience that he was hopeless at tidying up after himself when he worked in here, and she knew that neither Levy or Lucy had ever trusted him to return material to the correct places. Biting her lip, she hesitated for a moment before heading in the direction that he had gone earlier, disliking the thought that she was poking her nose where it wasn’t wanted. But she was worried, and that made her move forward.

   Unfortunately, he had managed to stop her from getting a clear look at what he had been reading, so she only had a general area to search in, and she sighed as she scoured the shelf in front of her trying to guess what he could have been looking for. The only thing that seemed as though it could have interested the Dragon-slayer was an old book on Fire magic, and she pulled it off, leafing curiously through it, but there was nothing that sprang out at her. Besides, it was such an old text that they must have half a dozen more up to date ones, so why would he have been looking at this one? Sighing she returned it to its place, realising that she wasn’t going to find anything useful at the moment, which did nothing to help her curiosity or the odd concern churning in her chest.

_What were you looking for? What’s going on?_

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

    Lucy frowned as she studied Natsu, something was definitely off about the Dragon-slayer today, and it was setting her nerves on edge. She hadn’t been that surprised that he was the first to arrive at the train station, as he’d always been the most excited about S-class jobs even if it meant dealing with trains, but it was the fact that he had barely spoken two words to any of them as they’d gathered. Plus, she hadn’t missed the frequent sidelong glances that Happy kept shooting at his partner, a concerned expression appearing whenever he thought that no one was watching him. Clearly, the Exceed had some idea as to what had been bothering Natsu, and she couldn’t help but wonder why he hadn’t reached out to them for help as usually, he was more than willing to drop Natsu in it if he thought the Fire mage was being overly stubborn.

     Feeling a gentle hand on her shoulder, she glanced up to find that Erza had joined her, and she could see the same worry that she was feeling in her friend’s eyes as she gazed across at Natsu. After a brief hesitation, she opened her mouth, about to suggest that maybe they should choose a different job for the time being if Natsu was off his game, but Erza shook her head slightly.

“Leave it be for now,” she whispered, and Lucy nodded after a moment, although she couldn’t shake the bad feeling that was creeping in. “Come on let’s get moving, or we’ll miss the train.” The Re-quip mage added more loudly, turning her attention to the others and assuming her usual pre-job attitude and Lucy forced a smile onto a face as she followed the other girl as she led the way towards the platform.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Natsu muttered with a huff even as he retrieved his bag. Trying to ignore the way that his stomach had already begun to roll at the mere thought of getting on a train, glowering at Gray as the Ice mage snorted at his words before stomping after the girls with Happy following close on his heels.

“Natsu-san are you sure you don’t want me to cast Troia?” Wendy asked anxiously as she and Carla caught up with the older Dragon-slayer, and Natsu finally smiled as he glanced down at her reaching out to pat her gently on the head. He missed the relieved expressions that appeared on Lucy’s and Erza’s faces as they caught the interaction between the pair, Natsu had always had a soft spot for the younger Dragon-slayer, and as long as that remained, it couldn’t be anything too serious.

“It’s fine,” he reassured her. “Besides we might need to use it on the job, and you said that it’ll use its effectiveness if we use it too often.” Besides he was worried about letting her use magic on him when his was playing up, she hadn’t needed to heal him since before it had gone awry and until he had a better grasp on what was happening, he didn’t want to risk it. He could feel Happy’s eyes burning into him, and he guessed that the Exceed was suspicious of his actual reasons for refusing and he gritted his teeth, hoping that Happy would keep his word about holding his peace.

“Yeah…” She agreed reluctantly, sensing that there was something more to his refusal but not wanting to push the issue and instead she fell silent as they followed the others onto the train, her gaze fixated on Natsu., wishing that she knew how to push the issue.

**

    Mira sighed as she rushed onto the platform just in time to see the train pulling out. She had been hoping that Natsu and the others would have stopped by the guild before leaving, as she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong. And she had been hoping to have the chance to try and get the Dragon-slayer to talk to her, or to someone, about whatever it was that he was trying to hide at the moment.

“Come back safely,” she murmured to the departing train, hoping that whatever was bugging him wouldn’t impact on the job. There was no doubt in her mind that he was strong enough to take an S-class job, and if they’d been able to complete the last S-class trials, she was reasonably sure that he would have been the one to pass. Out of sheer stubbornness if nothing else. But those jobs were rated S-class for a reason, and the slightest off moment could be deadly. Her eyes darkened as she flashed back to the last one she had taken, the memory of Lisanna’s death never entirely leaving her even now that she had her sister back, and she couldn’t bear the thought of something similar happening to anyone else, especially Natsu.

  _Please, Natsu. Don’t do anything stupid…_

****

    It took nearly the entire day to reach Crocus, and they had to ride on three trains much to Natsu’s distress, although they had barely been underway for an hour before Erza had, had enough with his moaning and had taken mercy on him by knocking him out. Gray to his disgust had been given the task of carting the Fire mage between trains, although he was gentle with Natsu despite his almost constant complaining, although Lucy guessed that was partially out of fear for how Erza would react if he deliberately dropped the Dragon-slayer. Having Natsu out for the count had given them all time to discuss his odd behaviour, not that they had got any closer to working out what was going on, although none of them had missed the fact that Happy had been quiet throughout the discussion even if they didn’t comment on it.

    The look of relief on Natsu’s face when he woke to discover that they were done travelling eased some of their concern, and as they watched him bounce out of the train station with a broad grin as he babbled incessantly about getting to fight S-class level opponents.

“Are you sure we should be worried about the idiot?” Gray asked with a sigh as they trailed after Natsu, allowing his excited chatter wash over them, wondering yet again how on earth he had ever wound up on the same team as such a flame-brained idiot.

“Maybe not,” Erza muttered with a fond smile, watching as Wendy chased after Natsu to redirect him when he blindly headed off in the wrong direction, unable to hide just how much the return of his idiotic side was reassuring her. She had never liked it when he was serious, especially as it had come to be associated with bad memories of when everything was going against them and after the last few months she was eager for some peace and quiet, and she guessed that the others felt the same.

_Please don’t change Natsu…_

**

    Finally, they reached the inn that they were going to use as a base. It was small, and they ended up having to share a room, but it was better than staying in a better-known inn and risking their targets learning of their presence. It didn’t help that they were all easily recognisable after their performance in the Grand Magic Games, and their entrance had been greeted by a round of applause, embarrassment and happiness had warred from control even as they hoped that news of their presence wouldn’t spread too far. In the chaos none of them had noticed Natsu suddenly grasping his chest for a moment, pain flashing across his face before he managed to school it back into a neutral expression.

    Eventually, they managed to escape upstairs, agreeing to try and avoid the main room as often as possible for the time being, especially the grubby, little Innkeeper Nezu who had been entirely too happy when he’d discovered exactly who his guests were. It wasn’t hard to find their room, as there was only a handful and someone had gone and painted their guild mark on a sign hanging off the door which Gray removed with a sigh, before letting Erza and Lucy lead the way into the room.

“Once the job is done we can treat ourselves to a nice inn for the night,” Erza muttered as she glanced dismally around the small room and Lucy and Wendy both brightened at her words, neither of the boys looking particularly bothered as they set up their futons in the far corner. They knew from experience that it was easier to claim space fast. Otherwise, they ended up unnecessarily crowded and usually partially buried by Erza’s luggage, whereas if they were set up first the girls usually showed them mercy.

“Let’s get it finished quickly,” Lucy said with a sigh, she still didn’t like sharing with the boys, mainly because they always ended up fighting. Especially first thing in the morning when she would rather be using the time to get some extra sleep. Besides, it would nice to spend at least a night in the Capital that didn’t revolve around work or chaos, it had been odd walking to the inn and knowing that they were probably passing by places that were freshly rebuilt after the mess with the Dragons.

    Quietly they began to set up their futons, the weariness from their travelling starting to catch up with them and they wanted to be up early the next day to meet with the client and to get started on the job. Gray reclined lazily on his futon as he watched the girl’s working, glancing across at the Fire mage with narrowed eyes as Natsu began to squirm uneasily and he found himself sitting up with a frown as he caught what looked like pain flicking across his friend’s face.

“I’m going for a walk,” Natsu announced suddenly as he rose to his feet, unintentionally cutting the Ice mage off and Gray’s frown became a full-blown scowl as he caught the faint waver to the Dragon-slayer’s voice. He could probably list on one hand the number of times that he had heard that kind of tone from Natsu, and not one of them had been good situations. He leant forward intending to stop the other teen from leaving when he caught sight of Happy approaching, and he stilled as he caught the small shake of the Exceed’s head.

“Natsu….” Happy had appeared at their side, his expression worried as he reached out to gently grasp the Dragon-slayer’s pants leg as though to hold him in place. Gray wanted to snort at the gesture, knowing that it would take more than that to stop Natsu at the moment. Whatever was bugging the Fire mage had finally made him begin to push his friends aside, something that the Ice mage had always thought was impossible. But he was still surprised by the stubborn and somewhat irritated look in Natsu’s eyes as the Dragon-slayer glanced down at the Exceed.

“On my own,” Natsu cut across whatever Happy had been about to say, his expression softening as he caught the hurt that flashed across his partner’s face.  “I’ll be back soon.” He added in a gentler tone, not quite able to apologise and trying to avoid giving the impression that he wanted company, and after a long moment the Exceed sighed and nodded before releasing his hold on the Fire Mage.

“Just be careful,” He warned softly, not liking the idea of the Dragon-slayer wandering around on his own, especially when there was a Dark guild on the loose in the city and his magic wasn’t guaranteed to protect him. Natsu didn’t bother responding and ignoring the curious and worried looks they were getting from their team-mates he turned and headed for the door, trying to stop himself from just bolting as he knew that would make them chase after him and demand answers that he had no intention of giving them just yet.

    Erza and Lucy exchanged worried looks as the door closed behind the Fire mage, and a quick glance at the others showed that Gray and Wendy were looking concerned as well. Sighing Lucy got to her feet and with an encouraging nod from Erza she moved across to crouch down in front of Happy, reaching out to cusp his cheek so that he was forced to look at her although he did so with a surprising amount of reluctance, hesitating as she caught the emotions swimming in his eyes.

“Happy?” She asked softly, her earlier dread returning ten-fold in the face of his hurt expression and she caught the way he flinched at her voice, forcing herself to continue in a gentle tone despite his obvious desire to avoid this conversation. “What’s going on with Natsu? You know something don’t you?”

“I can’t say…” Happy replied reluctantly after a long moment, wishing that he could tell them what was going on. _Natsu you need help,_ he thought as his gaze drifted to the door that Natsu had just disappeared through and his ears drooped as he turned back to Lucy. “I promised.” He had never broken a promise to the Dragon-slayer before, and he had no intention of starting now, regardless of how worried he was about what was going on with his partner. And he felt terrible for hoping that the situation would eventually force Natsu to confide in the others, although he knew that would mean that things had really become serious.

“All right, I understand,” Lucy said finally, a defeated expression on her face as she saw the resolution on his face, knowing from past experience that there would be no shifting him when he looked like that and she wondered if Natsu knew just how loyal the little Exceed was. Still, the way that Happy had reacted to the situation and her questions was more than enough to confirm that there was something more going on with the Dragon-slayer at the moment.

“Damn that Flamebrain,” Gray muttered under his breath, unable to summon even the slightest hint of bite in the familiar insult and he scowled at that realisation, immediately promising himself that he would punch the Fire mage when he was back to his usual self even if it meant facing Erza’s wrath.

“I’m sure he’ll tell us if it gets really serious,” Erza muttered softly, but she didn’t look at all convinced by her own words, and an uneasy silence settled over the group as they tried to avoid glancing at Natsu’s empty futon or the door that he had escaped through. After several long minutes Wendy and Carla quietly began to get ready for bed, and with nothing else to do the others followed suit although they were all listening for sounds of Natsu coming back.

**

     Natsu let out a soft sigh of relief as he stepped out of the inn, checking behind him to make sure that the others hadn’t followed him. His magic had been stirring uneasily beneath his skin ever since he’d woken up at the train station, and he wanted to make sure that he was nowhere near his friends if he was about to lose control again. Ignoring the curious looks he was receiving he quickly set off along the street, hoping that he would be able to find somewhere open and away from people’s homes just in case, although he knew that if his control slipped it was unlikely that he would be able to keep it hidden from the others. He hadn’t missed their suspicious glances earlier, and he knew that the lingering tension between Happy and himself had only added fuel to that.

    Rubbing at the dull ache in his chest he sped up, focusing on trying to force his wayward magic back under his control like he had in the library, but he could feel it resisting and pushing back against his efforts, and he stumbled slightly as the ache morphed into a sharp pain. Gasping he ducked into a side-alley as he realised that he was beginning to draw unwanted attention, managing to make it a few meters away from the main road before he crumpled against the wall. He was barely able to catch himself before he collided face first with the bricks, and after a moment he slid down into a heap on the ground, a choked off sob slipping free as he curled in on himself.

     Nausea welled up as the pain continued to grow, and he desperately fought against it, gripping his chest hard enough to bruise as he squeezed his eyes shut. _Please._ He begged silently, unsure of what he was pleading for at this point or who he was hoping would help him, whimpering slightly as his only response was a sharp spike of pain that had him doubling over. Magic was rushing through him, and he bit down on his lip as he flung every bit of willpower that he could summon through the pain against it, reaching down to scrabble at the ground. _I won’t let you out. I can’t let you out._ There were too many people and buildings about, and they had only just recovered from the fiasco of the Grand Magic Games…he couldn’t, wouldn’t be the cause of another disaster like that.

    Sparks flickered to life across his skin, and his eyes shot open as he felt them, his eyes stinging as he caught sight of the flames spreading across his hands and he clenched his fists tighter. _Stop!_ It had worked yesterday so why wasn’t it working now? Fear settled over him, and his eyes were stinging fiercely as he realised that at that moment he was terrified of his own magic. Even when he had been little and unable to completely control the spells that Igneel was teaching him, he had never felt this kind of fear, and he didn’t know what to do; somehow he doubted that what Gildarts had taught him about fear would help in this situation….

_This fear…_

_This weakness…_

_They’re one and the same, and I don’t think it’s something that I can fight…_

“Damn it please stop!” He cried frantically as the flames continued to grow, and he could smell the concrete beneath him beginning to melt under the force of his heat. Copper flooded his mouth from where he was biting down to stop himself shouting out in pain, and he was sure that it was too late, that his magic was going to burst completely and he slammed his eyes shut again, unable to bear the thought of witnessing the destruction he knew his fire was capable of. 

_I’m sorry…_

     However, instead of the familiar roar of his fire bursting free he was assaulted by a wave of pain worse than any he had experienced before, and it took every bit of strength he could summon up to stop nothing more than a whimper slipping free. Tears were streaking down his cheeks now as he struggled to ride it out, and a moment later he had to lean to one side as he finally lost his battle against his stomach, choking as he threw up violently, barely able to hold himself upright on trembling hands. He was distantly aware of the fact that his flames were slowly retreating back under his skin, but at that moment it was impossible to rejoice in that fact as the pain didn’t seem to be receding as it usually did.

    Eventually, the pain became too much for him to bear and as he found his vision greying, he found just enough strength to push himself to the side so that he didn’t land in his own vomit. Unable to do anything to protect himself as he toppled forwards a moment later. There was fresh pain blossoming at his temple, but he was only vaguely aware of it as the shadows dragged him under a few seconds later, all traces of his flames disappearing as he stilled.

****

An hour later:

     Natsu remained utterly oblivious when he was surrounded by a group of people nearly an hour later, not even stirring when he was knocked onto his back with the butt of a rifle or when curious fingers examined his guild mark, nor did he hear the faint noises of disgust as someone narrowly missed standing in his vomit.

“I told you that the Fairies were here!” A shrill voice piped up from the back of the group, and the others glanced around in disgust as the innkeeper Nezu pushed his way to the front, triumph written across his face as he glanced down at Natsu and it was clear that he was barely holding himself in place as he jiggled from one foot to the other. “I warned you out of the goodness of my heart, and you all doubted me, but that mark clearly is the real deal! They’re the same ones that won the Magic Games!”

“Fine,” a white-haired man snapped before shoving a small bag of coins towards the innkeeper, recoiling with a disgusted expression as it was snatched from his fingers, and scowling as it immediately disappeared within the other’s filthy jacket before shaking his head and turning back to Natsu. “But what is he doing here?” They had gone hunting once Nezu had informed them that one of the ‘Fairies’ was out on his own, but they hadn’t been expecting to find him like this, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it was a trap of sorts. Although he had never heard of a light guild treating their own members like this.

“Maybe he was out looking for us.” A young red-haired girl pointed out with a shrug, swinging the rifle that she had been using to nudge the unconscious Fairy onto his back before crouching down to study Natsu’s face, reaching out to gently brush sweaty, pink locks out of the way before gesturing to the blood staining his chin. “Although it looks like something or someone got him first.” They exchanged worried looks at that thought, as until now they had been the most powerful group in the area, although a lot of their strength and dominance came through information and trickery and the idea that someone strong enough to beat guild mages running around was worrying and they all glanced at Nezu.

“I haven’t heard anything,” he replied at once, swallowing nervously as they glared at him for a moment, his hands travelling to rest protectively over the bulge that marked where he’d hidden his payment. It wouldn’t be the first time that they had ‘retrieved’ said payment when he’d screwed up with his information, but thankfully after a moment they turned back to the injured mage, and he let out a barely audible sigh of relief.

“Dammit that’s the bloody Salamander,” the first mage spat in alarm as he finally got a good look at Natsu’s features, taking in the pink hair before his eyes travelled down to the distinctive scarf around his neck and absently noting the copper specks covering the white material. He had watched some of the Grand magic games, and this mage had been on his list of people to avoid…

“The Dragon-slayer?” The leader of their group - a young woman with bluish hair asked eagerly as she stepped forward, fingers playing with the hilt of the sword attached to her waist as she studied Natsu with interested, a smirk playing around her lips. _The Salamander huh?_ “The Council must be getting worried by us if they’re calling in mages like this now.” They’d known the moment that the request for help had gone out, but so far all the mages that had appeared in response had been easy prey regardless of whether they were on their own or part of a team and she had been growing bored.

“Heh good,” her brother replied with a similar smirk as he stepped forward to join her, reaching out with his foot to toe the Dragon-slayer hard in the side and frowning slightly when there was still no response despite the pain the gesture should have caused. “I hope the other Fairies aren’t as boring as this one,” he added sulkily.

“Does this look good?” Nezu demanded as he gestured towards the unconscious Dragon-slayer, before wringing his hands anxiously in front of him. He hadn’t been expecting that kind of response to Fairy Tail being the ones to take the job, and he couldn’t help but think that life was about to get a lot more dangerous, and he swallowed nervously as he recalled the way that the Titania had surveyed everyone in the inn when they arrived.

If she cottoned onto his role in all this…

“What should we do with him?” The red-head asked as she glared irritably at him for a moment, before shifting her attention back to Natsu as she tapped her gun meaningfully. She wasn’t overly fond of dealing with things in that manner, but it was clear that the mage in front of them was a threat despite his current state and she wasn’t keen to allow such a threat to stay so close.

“We should kill him while we can,” the white-haired man replied grimly, glancing across at their leader with a worried expression. “You’ve heard the stories - he’s a threat that we can’t afford to ignore. He wouldn’t even know what was happening if we do it now.” Hearing this the gunslinger cocked her rifle, allowing her magic to flare as she prepared to fire, only to freeze as the blue-haired woman shot out her hand with a panicked shout, ice creeping up the muzzle of her weapon.

“No!”

“But…”

“The Fairies are going to come after us there’s no stopping that even if we don’t touch him,” the Ice mage pointed out, waving her hand again to dissolve her ice when she saw that the younger girl was listening to her words, and there was mischievous gleam in her eyes as she glanced down at the Dragon-slayer. “But with the right distraction…”

“So devious,” her brother murmured with an eager grin.

“Bring him and let’s get out of here,” She ordered glancing at the white-haired man who sighed but obeyed without argument, and once Natsu had been slung over his shoulder with little care for whatever injuries he might have she turned to look at the Innkeeper. “Nezu get back to the inn and keep an eye on the rest of the Fairies, let us know when they move out.”

“But…” Nezu protested weakly. Even with the weight of jewels in his pocket and the knowledge he would get more if he kept them updated, the thought of risking Erza’s ire made him shift nervously, and he glanced aside as the Ice mage stalked towards him with a suddenly dark expression.

“We could always end our little arrangement?” She asked sweetly, and he wasn’t fooled in the slightest, his fingers creeping protectively towards his neck as he knew just how she would end the arrangement. He wasn’t the first informant they’d had, and he doubted very much that he would be the last. However, he had no intention of surrendering that position and the money it bought him anytime soon, and he frantically shook his head in response to her question as she huffed impatiently. “Then do as I say.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

      He watched silently as the foursome disappeared down the alley with the Dragon-slayer in tow, wondering if any of them were truly ready for the chaos that this decision was about to bring down on their heads. After the unexpected conclusion of the Games he had done some investigating into the strongest guilds, and all the information he had found on Fairy Tail told him that it wasn’t a guild that they wanted to anger - but what choice did he have? Sighing he patted his pouch before reluctantly turning and heading for the guild, hoping that his acting skills would be enough to divert suspicion as even if the Fairies spared him, his guild would kill him for his failure.

 _Why did I let myself get caught up in all of this?_     

****

     Happy was the first to rise the following day, and he was immediately aware of the fact that Natsu wasn’t in the futon with him. He had tried to stay awake as long as possible the night before so that he could at least check that his partner was okay, but apparently, he had dropped off at some point. Sitting up he glanced around expecting to see that Natsu had managed to roll off the futon again, or shifted onto Gray’s futon. Something that happened quite often, and which the Dragon-slayer always claimed was an accident, but the Exceed knew that it was just an opportunity to annoy the Ice mage who couldn’t handle being curled up with Natsu’s unnatural heat. However, there was no sign of Natsu, and as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he glanced down at their futon, his eyes widening as he realised that apart from the small spot where he was sat it was unused and a cold feeling spread through him. _Natsu, Where are you?_

    No matter how upset or out of sorts the Dragon-slayer had been the night before, there was no way he would worry them by not coming back. Even if he had suffered another outburst, he knew that Natsu would’ve returned once it was over and done with - so why wasn’t he here? It was far too early for him to have already risen, especially as Natsu usually had to be dragged kicking and screaming from under his covers, especially over the last couple of months when he had been sleeping more than usual. Another sign in Happy’s mind that something was wrong. Silently growling at himself to stay on topic he glanced around once more, his gaze settling on Gray who was still sleeping peacefully nearby and he got to his feet as he made up his mind.

“Gray! Gray! Wake up!” He called, trying not to wake everyone just yet and scowling when Gray swiped sleepily at him before trying to burrow back under his covers, and this time he tapped the Ice mage sharply on the cheek. “GRAY!”

“Wha’?” Gray mumbled as he jerked into a semi-upright position, reaching up to rub blearily at his eyes for a moment before he finally looked at Happy. Frowning as he realised that the cat looked like he was on the verge of crying and his gaze immediately skittered to Natsu’s futon - Natsu’s empty futon, he realised, and he quickly shifted his attention back to the Exceed. “Happy?”

“Natsu didn’t come back last night,” Happy explained quietly, his ears drooping as saying the words aloud to someone else made the situation that much more real and he mewed softly in distress. _Why did I let you go on your own Natsu?_ He should have insisted on going with the Dragon-slayer, regardless of how reluctant Natsu had been for the company. He was the only one that had even the slightest inkling of what was wrong with Natsu, so he should have been there.

_If something’s happened to him…_

“You’re sure?” Gray demanded, desperately wanting to believe that the Flamebrain had just got up early for once, but he knew that wasn’t the case even before Happy gave a dejected nod, and he sighed as he ran a hand through his hair in thought. Normally he wouldn’t be worried about the Dragon-slayer running around on his own, but with the way, he was acting and the fact that they were directly in the area that had been worst hit by the dark guild that they were hunting. Besides, as idiotic as the Fire mage was it wasn’t like Natsu to do anything to worry them like this.

“W-what if something happened to him?” Happy asked softly, finally giving voice to the creeping fear that had been growing since he’d realised that Natsu wasn’t there.

“I’m sure that he’s fine, he probably got lost or something when he was wandering around last night and wound up at the wrong inn,” Gray replied quickly. Trying to keep his voice calm and upbeat and hoping that none of his own trepidation was leaking through in his expression as he shoved his covers off, reaching for his clothes with a determined expression as he added. “Wake up the girls. We’ll track him down, and then you can make him grovel for a month for worrying you!” _And then he can grovel to the rest of us,_ he added silently.

“Aye Sir!”

****

     Natsu groaned softly as he finally stirred, every inch of his body aching fiercely and he grimaced as he realised that he could taste a disgusting mix of vomit and copper in his mouth. Slowly, out of consideration for his sore body, he eased himself up into an upright position, his cheeks puffing out for a moment as the movement reignited the nauseous feeling in his stomach and he stilled at once. Once the sensation had subsided a little, he shifted again until he was finally sitting up, leaning back against the wall with a small huff of relief as he struggled to catch his breath only to still as he realised that he wasn’t in the alleyway as he’d assumed.

   His vision was still somewhat blurry around the edges, but from what little he could make out in the half-light he appeared to be in some sort of basement. _How long was I out of it for?_ He thought with a surge of panic. If it was morning already then, the others would most likely have discovered that he hadn’t made it back, his face falling at the thought of them worrying over him. _That’s what I wanted to avoid._ Gritting his teeth, he forced himself back to his feet, noting that he wasn’t restrained in any way and he frowned in confusion before perking up slightly. If they hadn’t tied him up maybe someone had just found him passed out and brought him here to rest, he stubbornly ignored the more sensible part of his mind that pointed out they were unlikely to have stuck him in a basement if that was the case.

    Swaying slightly, he held out a hand and cautiously summoned a small flame, relieved when his magic obeyed his command without a problem, and there wasn’t a flicker of pain. Raising his arm, he glanced around the room noting that there was very little in here apart from himself and what appeared to be some old abandoned furniture, and he felt his earlier optimism fading. However, as he finally spotted the door in the far corner, he grinned. If they had captured him and thought they could keep him here without a fight, then they were in for a surprise, especially as he could feel his magic dancing responsively beneath his fingertips and he was keen to take advantage of that before it got the chance to flare again.

    His movements were more cautious than usual, and he winced as his body protested even that gentle movement, but he steadily inched closer to the door. Straining to pick up any noises from the other side, he frowned as he sniffed the air and realised that he couldn’t pick up anything but his own smell and the smell of rot and must. How had he got here then? Or were they masking their scent? He paused at the latter though, if they knew too that around him then it indicated that they knew who he was and he wanted to groan as a thought finally occurred to him.

He had passed out in the middle of their prey’s target area…

“Gray is never going to let me live this down,” he muttered under his breath, refusing to even try and imagine how Erza was going to react if he had managed to himself captured by the very guild that they were looking for. Plus, he had no idea how he was going to explain how they’d caught him. Telling them he had collapsed because of his magic, or that he didn’t remember wasn’t really an option as Erza at least would want to know every detail.

    Growling softly, he narrowed his eyes and reached out to try the door unsurprised when it didn’t open at his touch, sighing he examined the lock relieved to find no evidence of runes or binding magic, although he couldn’t help but wonder what his ‘captors’ were thinking of keeping him somewhere like this. Still, he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when he was eager to get back to the others before they got too worried. Clenching his fist, he let his flames spread until his hand was covered entirely before swinging for the door with all his might. However, his fist never connected as he found himself stumbling through the door, and he only a split second to realise that it was still intact before he found himself tumbling through the air as the floor disappeared beneath his feet.

     He got a vague impression of rock as he fell, but nothing concrete and he let out a startled yelp as he slammed hard into the ground, feeling his ankle twist under the impact and he knew he was lucky that he hadn’t broken it as he tumbled forward. Shaking off the pain with a grimace he levered himself up and gazed around, eyes widening as he realised that he was in what looked like an underground cave and he flashed back to the Dragon graveyard they had discovered under the city last time. _I’m under the city? How the hell are the others going to find me now?_ Unless Wendy was close on his heels she wouldn’t be able to pick up his scent, and why would the others even think to look here?

    Grumbling under his breath he climbed back to his feet, sucking in a breath as he rested his weight on the injured ankle, realising that he was going to have to use it as he couldn’t just sit around and wait for the others to find him. He stiffened in the process of turning around, suddenly aware that he no longer alone and there was a faint ripple in the air which was the only warning he got as Ice raked the ground beside him and only a quick jump saved him from getting caught in the attack. Snarling he whirled around despite the pain, eyes narrowing as he took in the young woman that had appeared behind him, hands clenching in readiness as he caught sight of her mischievous smirk.

“Good Morning Salamander…”

 


	3. Chapter 3

   It hadn’t taken them long to rouse the girls, the mood in the room worried and sombre, as even though they wanted to think the best they couldn’t overlook their usual luck on jobs. And the Dragon-slayer had a habit of running into trouble more often than most, although they carefully avoided saying that allowed as Happy still looked close to tears and Wendy wasn’t looking much better. It didn’t help that they had all known that something was up with Natsu, and with the Exceed still refusing to share what was happening despite the worsening situation, they had no way of knowing how it was going to affect his ability to deal with whatever he had got himself into.

“Honestly, I’m going to put that boy on a leash,” Erza muttered under her breath as she waited impatiently beside the door for them to finish dressing. She doubted that Natsu would have gone looking for trouble, but there was no guarantee that he hadn’t rushed into a fight or something as he wasn’t known for being the most sensible when angered.

“Where are we even going to start?” Lucy asked with a worried expression, if something had really happened to Natsu then they didn’t have time to be trawling all over Crocus.

“We should speak to the client, there wasn’t a lot of information on the flyer,” Gray replied with a sigh, that should have probably been the first clue that something was going to go wrong on this job even though Erza had said that was often normal for S-class job. “Hopefully they’ll have some idea of where the guild is operating from, and then we can start searching for clues of where Natsu went last night…” He trailed off as he glanced across at Happy.

“I don’t know, he just wanted to be alone,” Happy shook his head sadly as he caught the look, and his ears drooped before he reluctantly admitted. “He’s wanted to be alone a lot recently.” The Dragon-slayer didn’t want pity over what was happening, and it hadn’t taken long for him to grow tired of Happy encouraging him to seek help from the others and so he’d taken to disappearing for long walks after a magical outburst just to avoid that conversation.

“Happy…”

“We’ll deal with that later,” Erza cut in firmly, as much as she wanted answers to what was going on with Natsu it wasn’t the most important thing at the moment, and it was clear that Happy didn’t want to break that promise and she was reluctant to push the loyal Exceed. “First we need to find him! Let’s hurry!”

**

“Wait,” Erza paused, her eyes narrowing as she turned to look around the room. There were a lot fewer people than there had been the day before, which was odd given how excited they had been by their arrival the night before. But what had drawn her attention was the innkeeper, the irritating man was moving restlessly around behind the bar cleaning glasses and needlessly straightening things, whereas yesterday she hadn’t seen him do a single thing apart from gawking at them.

“Erza?” Gray asked with a frown as he followed her gaze, catching the way her hand clenched at her side, and he carefully brought his hands together while nudging Lucy in warning. The Celestial mage nodded in understanding before moving to stand beside Wendy who was watching everything with worried eyes, bending down to whisper quietly in the younger girl’s ears.

“The innkeeper,” Erza whispered in reply even as she began to move forward, and Gray’s eyes widened as he cottoned on to what she meant, knowing from experience that it was always better to trust her instincts.

“You think?”

     Erza nodded shortly in response, golden light forming around her hand as she pulled forth her sword before striding the last few steps, uncaring of the alarmed cries that met her action. Her eyes were intent on Nezu who had frozen when he had realised that she was heading directly for him, but as she came to a halt in front of the bar, he swallowed hard before attempting to dart away to the side. There was no way he was going to move faster than a focused Erza though, and he let out a terrified cry as she jumped over the bar and seized hold of him, with her sword tip resting lightly against his throat and there was no hint of give in her expression as she watched him glance around fearfully. Behind her, she could hear the others moving into position, and Gray’s low warning for the other patrons to stay out of this, the chill in the air telling her that he was demonstrating precisely what they would meet if they persevered.

“What do you know?” She demanded as she shifted her focus back to her captive. He had made her uneasy the day before, but she hadn’t thought that he would be directly linked to their job, and she cursed the fact that they had arrived too late to speak to the client before things had gone to hell.

_Trust Natsu to run headlong into trouble though…._

“N-nothing,” Nezu stuttered, cursing himself as he saw the suspicion in her gaze increase at his response and he held up his hands defensively when he felt the sword dig harder into his skin, although it still wasn’t enough to draw blood. “Really! I don’t know anything!”  Erza’s expression darkened at his response before she caught the way his eyes were flicking nervously down to where her hand gripped his arm, and her lips twitched in a grim smile.

“Really?” She asked softly, releasing her hold so that she could reach up and tear away the material of his shirt, exposing the mark beneath. It was clearly a guild mark, depicting a crescent moon crossed with thorns and her eyes narrowed as she studied it for a moment, they didn’t have the information yet, but she would have bet all her savings that this was the mark of the guild they were hunting. Resuming her grip on his arm she raised her head so that she could meet and hold his gaze, and there was a dangerous edge to her voice as she asked quietly. “Would you like to change your answer?”

****

“Good morning Salamander…”

“Who the hell are you?” Natsu growled as he studied her warily, mentally assessing his own ability to fight as well as the familiar smell of ice magic radiating from her as he contemplated his options. She didn’t look particularly tough, but her expression and the fact that this was rated as an S-class job made him more cautious than usual. That and he didn’t like the fact that she clearly knew who he was. In his experience that tended to be a bad thing, and he took a small half step back to increase the distance between them.

“I’m offended,” She replied with a pout. Tapping her fingers impatiently against her side and letting her magic chill the air around them, smirking when Natsu was unable to hold back a small shiver at the sudden change in temperature. It was something else that he’d noticed recently, that he was becoming a lot more sensitive to temperature and he wasn’t able to keep himself as warm as usual. “I was informed that you and your guildmates were here to hunt us down?” _Well, that confirms that_ Natsu thought with a silent groan as he blinked at her, trying to wrack his brains for anything that had been said about the guild, but nothing came to mind apart from the fact that they had been causing havoc. Maybe Erza and the others had discussed it while he was out on the train. He sighed at that thought, they had promised to try and stop doing that but, _but Erza tends to forget that in the heat of the moment._

“We are,” he replied confidently, deciding that yelling at Erza could wait until he actually managed to get back to them - or they found him. Straightening and ignoring the flare of pain in his ankle, he shrugged carelessly before adding.  “Can’t say I remember your name though.”

“So rude,” he scolded him, and he shrugged unapologetically. In all honesty, he wasn’t too interested in her name as he knew that he was likely to forget it soon enough, but he knew that Erza would kill him if he passed up the opportunity to get some useful information.  “You can call me Ichiko, just so you know the name of the mage that is going to bring you down! Ichiko, the leader of Harinsbane-  the guild that your team is trying to hunt down! The guild you will fail to beat!” There was no hesitation, no hint of doubt in her voice and expression and yet it didn’t seem like false bravado either, and the Dragon-slayer narrowed his eyes. Just what did this guild have up their sleeves? What made them powerful enough to warrant being an S-class mission?

“You won’t beat my team,” Natsu replied with utmost confidence, that was something that would never change even if he didn’t have the same amount of faith in his own abilities right now. “And don’t expect this to go your way either.” _Please just hold it together until I get out of here,_ he added silently to his magic. It was quiet for the moment, and he could feel it just waiting for his command but the aches from his previous outburst were still there, and he didn’t know how long he would have until he lost control again.

“I would expect nothing less from the winners of the Grand magic games,” Ichiko replied, unsurprised and unfazed by his passionate response. A hint of curiosity in her expression as she caught the hesitation in his expression. It was clear that he had no doubt in his teammates’ ability, and it didn’t seem as though he doubted his own, but there was obviously something worrying him, and she wished that she knew what it was so that she could play on it. After all, why fight at full strength when there were weaknesses that you could exploit to make the battle easier?

“So why did you bring me here?” He asked wanting to change the subject as he caught her curious gaze, gesturing at the cave that they were in, knowing that there was no way it had been an accident that he had fallen through into this area. Still, he couldn’t see the point in letting him out and leaving him with access to his magic when they could have easily sealed him in that basement.

“My guild wanted to kill you,” she replied carelessly, ice filling the air as she formed a delicate but deadly looking dagger which she began to flip easily in her hand, meeting his gaze directly as she added with a smirk. “However, I’ve heard what you Fairy Tail wizards are like, and I thought you might be useful.” Olive eyes narrowed at that, the few times he’d heard that it was because their opponents were going to try and use them against their guildmates and for a moment his gaze flickered down to his hands. _With my magic like this…_

“Useful? What do you…?”

“You’re bait my dear Salamander,” Ichiko cut across him, laughing at his expression before her own expression turned dangerous, and that was the only warning he had before she tossed the ice dagger at him.  Not wanting to risk his magic just yet he settled for stepping aside only to be sent flying when she charged towards him a second later with ice shards shooting towards him. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun in the meantime.”

****

     In the face of Erza’s fury, it hadn’t taken long for Nezu to crack, spilling out his involvement in Natsu’s disappearance between sobbing pleas for her to spare his life. Hearing that they had kidnapped the Dragon-slayer when he was already ill or injured had nearly pushed her over the edge, and she had actually drawn blood before Gray had managed to calm her, although that added danger had loosened the innkeeper’s jaws even further. It hadn’t taken them long to get all possible locations where Natsu might be being held, a worryingly long list that had them exchanging anxious glances. If they got caught up in other fights, or those with Natsu were forewarned they could put him in even greater danger.

    It didn’t help that Nezu either wouldn’t or couldn’t tell them much regarding guild numbers and powers, the only thing he could say was that the guild was run by siblings, an Ice mage and a Wind mage - neither of which were particularly good matchups for the Dragon-slayer. Eventually deciding that she had got everything of use from the man, Erza swiftly knocked him out with a single blow, leaving him where he fell and warning the couple of patrons that hadn’t fled not to touch him. Usually, she would have handed him over to the authorities, but they were in an area that didn’t have much in the way of a law presence, and they didn’t have the time to transport him elsewhere.

“You will be explaining what is going on later,” Erza growled as she moved away from the bar, pausing to glare down at Happy as she had caught his reaction to the news that Natsu had already been unconscious when he was taken. There had been no surprise, only worry and resignation. The Exceed pulled back as he caught the dangerous gleam in her eyes and he knew that he was lucky that they were in a hurry otherwise she would be demanding answers from him right away.

“Aye…” He agreed reluctantly his ears and tail drooping.  _Natsu, this is precisely what I was worried about._  

“Should we split up to search?” Lucy asked as she scooped up the Exceed and following as Erza and Gray led the way out of the inn, she didn’t particularly like the idea of separating, but it was a long list of locations and the thought of wasting time by hunting together made her feel even more uneasy.

“No,” Erza shook her head at once, shooting the other girl a reassuring smile as she caught the note of reluctance in her voice. “I don’t want to risk it when we don’t have enough information.” They had already lost Natsu, the thought of getting separated from the rest of them as well…she was already regretting accepting this job, and there was no way she was going to make it easier for the Dark Guild by dividing their strength even further.

“But…” Lucy protested weakly, and beside her, Wendy and Carla looked like they were in agreement with her although they didn’t say anything aloud as they glanced to Erza as she was more experienced with S-class mages and jobs than any of them.

“Are we still going to speak to the client?” Gray interjected swiftly as he caught the brief flicker of irritation in the red-head’s expression, knowing that they couldn’t afford to bicker at the moment.

“Yes, he might be able to help us narrow down the list.”

“Alright,” he nodded in acceptance of her answer, even though he had a feeling that it wasn’t going to be that easy. His expression darkened as he glanced towards Happy for a moment, before adding softly and with more than a hint of worry. “But we need to hurry.”

“You’re that worried about Natsu-san?” Wendy asked, unable to keep the surprise out of her voice as she stared at the Ice mage. While their relationship had improved even during the time that she had been with them, she couldn’t recall him being that obvious in his concern for the Fire mage before, and it did little to ease her own fear.

“I…” Gray hesitated, looking somewhat uncomfortable as he realised that they were listening to him and waiting for his response and he let out a defeated sigh before continuing hesitantly. “We knew something was wrong last night, and this confirms it. I don’t like the idea of him being out there when he's hurt or ill.” Erza nodded approvingly at his words, and he felt like bristling at the response - even he could be mature about Natsu at times. While Lucy and Wendy both looked touched by his words, as well as being in complete agreement.

“We’ll find him,” Erza replied grimly.

_Wait for us Natsu…_

**

     They were nearly at the address that the client had given on the flyer when the road ahead of them was suddenly shaken by a serious of explosions, and they all dove for cover as they realised that someone was firing magic bullets down towards them. Unfortunately, Wendy stumbled as she turned, yelping as she hit the ground hard before her eyes widened as she caught sight of the bullets churning up the street as they came in her direction. Realising that there was no way that she was going to be able to get out of the way in time and she squeezed her eyes shut even as she heard Carla screaming her name.

“WENDY!”

“Ice Make: Shield!” The low growl made her eyes fly open, and she found herself staring up in disbelief at Gray’s back for a moment before her gaze drifted to the large ice shield that he was holding, flinching as she watched cracks spreading rapidly across its surface as the bullets hammered into it. “Are you okay?” He demanded in a strained voice, pouring more magic into the shield and risking only the briefest of glances over his shoulder to check on her.

“Y-yeah,” She managed to force out as she pushed herself into a kneeling position, wincing as the ice creaked under the abuse that it was receiving. “Thank you Gray-san.” Gray had no chance to respond as the shield finally shattered sending him stumbling backwards, barely catching his own balance he whirled around and grabbed the Dragon-slayer, dragging her aside as the last of the bullets raked the ground where she had been seconds before.

“Gray!”

“Gray! Wendy!”

“Go! I’ll handle this!” Gray shouted as he dragged Wendy back to her feet, steadying her for a moment before shoving her in the direction of Erza and Lucy before whirling around to form another shield as a second barrage started. Dark eyes narrowing as he realised that the direction the bullets were coming from a different direction. _So two attackers or they’re moving location…damn it._

“But…” Lucy protested as she watched him being forced back a couple of steps, the new shield shattering in less time than the previous one.

“Natsu needs us,” he shouted as he darted to the side before throwing up yet another shield, knowing that it wouldn’t hold for long but hoping that it would cover him long enough for him to convince them to leave him behind. “I can deal with this and then I’ll come and find you.” They couldn’t all afford to get held up here, and he was confident that he could handle whatever they were going to throw at him.

“Gray…” Erza tried this time, and he shook his head before glaring briefly at her.

“Go!”

“Be careful,” she whispered as she bowed to his will, knowing why he was doing this and agreeing that they couldn’t afford to waste time here even if she hated the idea of leaving him behind. Seeing the tension draining from his shoulders made her more confident that she had made the right decision and she gestured for the others to follow her as she began to edge away.

“Of course,” Gray replied without looking at them, allowing his shield to fail deliberately this time so that he could bring his hands together. “Ice make: Lance!” He doubted that he would be able to hit them at this distance, especially when he didn’t have a definite read on where they were, but it would provide the others with the cover they needed to get away.

****

     Natsu gritted his teeth as ice sliced his cheek, feeling blood beginning to trickle from the wound and he reached up briefly to brush it away, grimacing as his hand came away bloody. He already had several other injuries over his arms and torso, none of them particularly dangerous on their own, but they were helping to slow his movement even further, and he knew that if he got many more, he was going to be in deep trouble. It didn’t help that Ichiko was ridiculously skilled at avoiding his attacks, and he wasn’t sure if he’d actually managed to land more than one useful blow on the irritating woman.

     He had to admire her skill with the Ice magic she was wielding, he had spent much of his time training with and against Gray, and he’d thought that he had a good grasp on what Ice Make magic was like, and yet her style was utterly unique. She used a complex mix of static and dynamic ice magic, and there was no pattern that he could discern, so whenever he felt even slightly prepared for an attack, he was often caught by surprise. Still, the battle was dragging out, and he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to keep going forever, although thankfully his magic was listening to his every command at the moment and he had a good amount remaining.

“I have to admit I was expecting a little bit more,” Ichiko commented with a sigh as she paused, ice tendrils spreading from around her feet and creeping towards Natsu who watching them with wary eyes, his temper rising at her words.  “Maybe I should just have left you in the basement.”

“You…” He growled, dodging as the first tendril lashed through the air towards him before engulfing himself in flames just as the rest flew at him. Letting the sting of her words fuel his flames he burnt the ice away, watching smugly as they melted away into nothingness and allowing his flames to retreat until only his hands were covered, panting slightly as his already aching and injured body protested the continuing fight.

“Is that all you have Salamander?” Ichiko asked mockingly, somewhat impressed that he had melted her ice as she couldn’t remember the last time a Fire mage had managed that, but it was clear that he was struggling to keep up with her despite his minor injuries.

“Like hell it is!” Natsu denied fiercely as he rallied, propelling himself into the air and bringing his hands together with a roar.  “Fire Dragon’s Brilliant Flame!” For a moment he lost sight of her as flames, smoke and debris filled his vision, and he was caught by surprise as ice shot through the cloud narrowly missing him as he dropped back to the ground and he scowled when everything cleared to reveal that she was completely uninjured.

“Better!”

      Refusing to back down and ignoring the slight sluggishness in his movements he rushed forwards, his flames spreading again as she moved to meet him. There was no way that he could let himself get taken down by an Ice mage. It had been bad enough when he’d struggled against Lyon back on Galuna Island, there was no way that Gray would let him live it down if he lost here, and there was no way in hell he was just going to wait for the others to come and rescue him. There was no doubt in his mind that they would be looking for him by now, and he was worried about what Harinsbane might have in store for them, especially if they were all on a similar level to Ichiko.

“I’m going to take you down!”

****

     It hadn’t taken them long to find the client’s address, but nothing could have prepared them for the sight of the burnt out building that met their eyes, and after checking the other nearby houses, it was clear that it was the address that they were looking for and they exchanged horrified looks. The client had acknowledged their acceptance of the job, which meant that he had been here and alive two days before, but looking at the house now it was hard to imagine that he had survived.

“What on earth is going on?” Lucy demanded as she stared wide-eyed at the ruin, before glancing back in the direction that they had come in…they had left Gray behind on his own, just to find this waiting for them and she was torn between laughing hysterically at how bad the situation was getting or just weeping, but she forced herself to do neither. Instead, she cautiously picked her way inside the building with Erza, Wendy and Carla on her heels and Happy quiet in her arms. Her foot caught on something, and she stumbled slightly, turning to look at what she had tripped on she found a dusty looking flag sticking out from under charred remains of what seemed to have been a bookcase.

“Rune Knights…” Happy breathed as she crouched and gently tugged it out just enough to see the insignia on the material, and she dropped it with a yelp as she turned to look at Erza with a mix of alarm and surprise.

“An official request? But it didn’t say anything about that, did it?”

“No,” Erza shook her head slightly, frowning as she studied the ruined flag before adding quietly. “But I don’t think the Rune Knights have much of a presence here, so it could be an ex-Knight trying to reestablish peace or something similar.”

“I don’t think it worked,” Carla muttered under her breath as she gazed around at the ruins, not complaining when Wendy scooped her into her arms, feeling the nervous tremors wracking her partner and knowing that the Dragon-slayer needed the comfort of holding onto her.

“I guess not,” Erza admitted.

“What are we going to do now?” Lucy demanded as she turned to Erza, gesturing around them frantically as she realised that their main plan had well and truly failed. There was nothing left whole enough for them to get information from, and she sniffled slightly before admitting quietly.  “We still have no better idea where Natsu is right now.”

“I know,” Erza replied softly as she glanced around with a scowl, her mind darting from thought to thought as she tried to work out what to do next. Part of her was tempted to call the rest of the Rune Knights to let them know what was happening, but the fact that Natsu had been taken made it personal, plus she didn’t trust the Knights to not turn around and try and blame them for what had happened. “We’re just…” She was cut off as Wendy let out a shrill shriek of alarm, both of them whirling around to find the younger girl and Carla being drawn into a swirling black pit that had opened beneath their feet.

“Wendy!” Lucy shouted, dropping Happy as she leapt towards the Dragon-slayer who was desperately trying to pull herself free of the hole but not even her wind seemed to be giving her enough momentum to pull free, and her face was a mask of terror as she raised wide eyes to meet Lucy’s gaze. “Grab my hand!” The Celestial mage ordered as she stretched her hand out, and Wendy obeyed at once, but even as their fingertips brushed the hole widened, and they shared a brief horrified glance before Wendy and Carla disappeared from sight with only the formers frantic cry lingering in the air.

“Lucy-san!”

“Wendy!” Erza shouted as she charged forwards, unable to do anything as the hole immediately sealed itself just as they both reached where it had been only seconds before and her tone was dark and angry as she cursed “Damn it…” Armour creaked in protest as she clenched her hands tightly, _we’ve been one step behind from the start!_

“Erza…what?”

“Happy take Lucy and search for Natsu and Wendy from the air, you should be safe up there!” Erza ordered as she turned to look at them, her expression softening minutely as she caught the fear and worry in the Celestial mage’s eyes, before adding with grim determination.  “I’m going to go and get Gray, and then we can regroup.”

“But…”

“They’re separating us for a reason,” Erza pointed out sternly, knowing that Lucy was protesting the idea of being sent to safety more than anything else, but until they were unable to regroup there was no way she was going to risk losing another friend. “I’ve had enough of them getting their own way without us being able to do anything.” They had been too focused on trying to find information, it was time to focus on attacking, and they could deal with any fallout after they had everyone back together, and the guild was taken down.

“Alright,” Lucy agreed reluctantly, still not convinced and definitely unhappy at the thought of being sent to even relative safety, but it was clear that they needed to start doing something different before things got even worse. “Just please be careful…”

“I will,” Erza promised easily before turning to look at the Exceed. “Happy!”

“Aye Sir,” Happy agreed springing into the air and seizing Lucy by the shoulders, easily lifting her clear of the ruins even as they watched Erza re-quip into her soaring armour and take off in the direction that they had left Gray in, and they both hoped that her plan would work.

**

    Wendy blinked as she found herself standing on another street, relieved to realise that Carla was still with her as she glanced around unable to see any trace of the others. _What the hell had happened?_ She couldn’t feel any differences in her body or magic, so whatever that hole had been, it had seemed to have transported them without actually causing any harm. Not that, that was overly comforting at the moment as they were now on their own without any idea where the rest of their team was.

“Where are we?” Carla asked anxiously, wiggling enough until Wendy set her down so that the Exceed could move around freely.

“I have no idea,” Wendy muttered as she looked around, it was clear that they were still in Crocus, but it wasn’t anywhere that she recognised. It seemed to be mainly residential although it was eerily quiet and she frowned as she shifted closer to the Exceed, unease churning in her stomach - _where was everyone?_ It was late enough now for everyone to be up and about their business, and she doubted that they would just be avoiding this one street. _Just how much influence does this guild have? And how powerful are they?_ She knew from their own experiences with the Rune Knights that there were many powerful mages in their ranks, so it was odd that they would request aid, especially within the Capital.

“We should…” Carla began.

“Out of the way!” Wendy screamed as she felt the faintest of disturbances in the air, only just managing to dodge aside as the earth beneath their feet erupted skywards. She spared a quick glance to check that Carla had heeded her last-minute warning, finding that her partner had managed to take to the air just in time and she whirled just as a white-haired man stepped into sight, and she didn’t even hesitate and she sucked in a large breath.

“Roar of the Sky Dragon!” Earth rocketed skywards to block the attack. Her wind sent large chunks it and a cloud of debris into the air, forcing her to raise a hand to cover her eyes as the dust reached her, and she was only aware of the danger she was in when Carla screamed her name, swooping in and yanking her into the air as the ground opened beneath her.

“Wendy!”

“Thank you,” Wendy whispered as she stared into the deep hole that now marked the spot where she had been standing moments before, shouting out a warning as pillars of air shot towards them at startling speed. “Watch out!” Carla was already moving, easily avoiding the attack although the paws digging into her shoulders told Wendy just how close it had been and her eyes narrowed as she gazed down at their opponent. He looked somewhat startled by the fact that they had taken to the air and avoided his attack and her eyes narrowed with determination.

“Charge!”  She whispered to Carla who hesitated for a moment before nodding in reluctant agreement as she heard the determination in her partner’s voice. Tucking her wings in they dived towards the other mage at speed, and Wendy clenched her fist as she gathered her magic around it, barely noting the surprise in his expression as they collided and there was a snarl in her voice as she lashed out. “Iron Fist of the Sky Dragon!”

**

    Erza skidded to a halt as a sharp gust of wind hit her, immediately re-quipping into her Heaven’s Wheel armour as her eyes landed on the blue-eyed mage that had appeared in front of her. She studied him, eyes narrowing as she caught the excitement and hunger in his eyes as he watched her too and she levelled her swords at him. Even from where she was stood she could feel the magic radiating off him, and she allowed her own aura to glow to show that she wasn’t bothered by his display of power, even as she watched his every movement with wary eyes. _Blue hair, so he has to be one of the guild leaders,_ she realised as she recalled what Nezu had told them.

“Who are you?” She demanded harshly.

“Ikuto of Harinsbane at your service,” he replied as he bowed mockingly to her, before straightening and smirking up at her as the wind whipped around him, adding calmly. “And you are the great Titania.” There was no hint of fear or respect in his voice, and she narrowed her eyes at him, sensing that he wasn’t just pretending to feel like that and it leant new strength to her worries about how powerful this man might be. Deciding not to focus on that, she turned her mind back towards Natsu - she didn’t really expect him to answer her questions, but she might as well try.

“Where is Natsu?!”

“Natsu? Oh, you mean the Salamander?” Ikuto asked, waiting until she gave a tense nod in reply before lazily waving a hand in the air. “My sister is playing with him at the moment, and I have to say I am looking forward to having a turn. He was rather dull last night.”

“What did you do to him?” Erza demanded, the idea that they might have hurt Natsu when he was already weakened adding fuel to her temper, and she took a threatening step forward. No matter how irritated she might be with the Dragon-slayer from keeping secrets from them, she wasn’t going to tolerate someone else hurting him.

“Nothing,” Ikuto replied looking slightly offended, but then he bared his teeth in a grin that was eerily reminiscent of Natsu’s and her eyes narrowed. “Yet at least. But I expect that he might be a bit worse for wear by now, my sister isn’t known for going easy on others, especially guild mages.”

“She won’t beat Natsu,” Erza growled, not allowing any of her inner doubts about that to show.

“You overestimate your friend,” Ikuto drawled looking unimpressed by her words or demeanour, and she tensed as he glanced behind her, slowly shifting so that she could look without taking her focus off Ikuto and she scowled as she took in the small group of mages that had gathered behind her whilst she was distracted. She gripped her swords tightly, already knowing what he was planning and she cursed under her breath as he shouted to the mages. “Keep her busy!” Whirling she realised that she was already too late, watching as he disappeared into a similar hole that had stolen Wendy from them just before. She knew it was too later, but still, she darted forward to try and stop him if he went to where Natsu was then the Dragon-slayer was going to be in even more trouble.

“Wait!” She shouted only to be thrown aside as a blast slammed into her side, tossing her forcefully into the side of a house and she couldn’t stop the muffled cry that slipped free. There was no time to let the blow faze her though, and she was quickly back on her feet, her eyes narrowed in anger and magic crackling around her as she eyed up the mages that had spread out to encircle her. “Get out of my way,” she ordered, unsurprised when they didn’t obey, but she didn’t give them a chance to respond as she charged forward with a sharp cry with both blades flashing. “If you won’t move then be prepared to face the consequences…”

**

   Happy and Lucy were soaring over Crocus both of them desperately scanning the streets below, searching for any sign of Natsu or Wendy. Neither of them daring to venture too low, as they had no idea of what other mages there were in the guild and they didn’t want to risk getting drawn into another fight and not being able to meet up with the others. It hadn’t escaped their notice that they were generating a lot of interest amongst the people that did spot them in the sky, and they once again cursed the fact they were so easily recognisable since the games although at least up here they couldn’t be slowed down or distracted by the attention.

“How the hell are we supposed to track him down?” Lucy demanded as she gazed wide-eyed over Crocus, she had always known that the city was huge, but getting a bird’s eye view showed her just how big it was. Even with a list of places to search, it had promised to be a daunting task, and now that they were reduced to just the two of them it seemed even more impossible. _Natsu…_

“It’s Natsu…I’m sure we’ll be able to see where he is once he’s fighting!” Happy replied with forced cheer, refusing to acknowledge the possibility that Natsu might not be able to fight, especially with the condition his magic was in at the moment. Not that he could say that aloud at the moment. He hesitated and glanced down at Lucy, of all of them he figured that she would be the most understanding of why Natsu had been keeping this secret from everyone, and he opened his mouth. _Natsu needed help, and how could they really help if they didn’t know what was going on?_ However, Natsu’s pleading expression as he asked Happy to keep it secret flashed through his mind and he snapped his mouth shut again with a sigh, unable to believe that he had been about to break his promise.

“That’s true…just look for the trail of destruction,” Lucy laughed weakly at her own words, unable to summon the usual level of faith that she had in the Dragon-slayer and his destructive capabilities.

****

     Natsu groaned as he pushed himself back to his feet, freezing as the rock behind his opponent seemed to shimmer for a moment as another man stepped out, and he gritted his teeth as dark eyes met his with a mocking sneer. Baring his teeth he glared at the man, trying not to show any of the trepidation he was currently feeling at the thought of having to fight two on one. He was honest enough with himself to admit that he was barely holding his own at the moment just against her, and he couldn’t see how he was going to manage against two of them, especially as he had felt his magic beginning to shift uneasily once more and he clenched his hands. _Don’t you dare…not now…please not now._

“Ikuto what is it?”

“We’ve got them split up,” the newcomer reported flashing a triumphant glance towards the Fire mage, and olive eyes narrowed. _Split up? Does he mean the others?_ It was one of the first things that Erza had said about the job, that they must try their best to stick together on this job. After all, that had been one of the issues that they had, had on Galuna Island and he shifted uneasily knowing that she wouldn’t have let it happen without a fight and he struggled not to start thinking the worst.

“So quickly?” Ichiko asked in surprise, she had expected them to take a while longer to track them down and she huffed as she realised that she was going to have to cut her fun short.

“I think our little rat squealed, they certainly seemed to have at least a rough idea of where they were heading,” Ikuto replied grimly.

“Damn that Nezu,” Ichiko hissed with a dark expression and ice crackled around her for a moment, and Natsu frowned, it seemed as though something wasn’t going to plan at least although he doubted it was going to be of any use to him. He tensed as she turned to look at him, bracing himself for the next attack and he was surprised when she merely smirked at him before turning back to Ikuto.  “Keep our guest entertained, wait for my signal.”

“Be careful,” he warned, and she merely shrugged off the warning, glancing back briefly at Natsu before she disappeared through the rock without another word.

“Wait!” Natsu shouted as he charged forwards in an attempt to stop her, only to be blown backwards by an overpowering gust of wind that forced him backwards as Ikuto stepped into his path. Cursing his luck Natsu steadied himself for a second, before attacking once more with flames wrapped tightly around his hands trying to ignore the odd flicker around the edges. “Get out of the way! Wing Slash of the Fire Dragon!” He roared springing forward, only to be flung backwards as wind whipped around him, and he couldn’t stop himself from shouting out in pain as the wind slashed his skin in several places before he landed a short distance away sprawled on his back, wheezing slightly as the air was forced from his lungs.

“Sorry,” Ikuto didn’t look remotely apologetic as he towered over the Fire mage, wind gathering around him as he met Natsu’s gaze squarely. “You’re my opponent now!”

 


	4. Chapter 4

    Natsu wanted to curse his luck as he flung backwards once more, feeling the wind opening fresh cuts as it sliced into his skin. Not only was he at a disadvantage now in terms of elemental match ups, but he could feel his magic beginning to stir in the way that usually heralded an outburst, and while that might actually be helpful in this fight, it was still something that he wanted to avoid. He had no idea where he was in the city, and there was a risk that if he caused too much damage down here, it could affect buildings above. And more importantly he had no idea where his teammates were at the moment, and he didn’t want to risk them getting caught up in his flames.

    Using a quick burst of flame, he managed to dodge the next attack, rolling back to his feet with only the slightest wince to show that the numerous cuts covering his body were causing him pain. Eyes narrowing with annoyance as he caught the mocking smile on his opponent’s face, so similar to the one that his sister had worn not long before and he gritted his teeth in determination, even if he was having problems with his magic there was no way that he was going to let his opponent keep that expression. Fire rose in his chest, and he sprang forward with a shout.

“Roar of the Fire Dragon!”

“Finally getting into the spirit of things, Salamander?” Ikuto asked with a laugh as he emerged unscathed from within the flames, wind circling protectively around him, and Natsu snarled angrily even as he barely managed to avoid the next gust of wind feeling his hair whipping around his face. Privately acknowledging that his opponent was on a whole different level, his thoughts turned towards his previous encounters with wind mages, even though Erigor had probably been at an advantage during their first encounter, he had never felt that the gap between them might be insurmountable. Yet this time he found himself wondering if he could close the gap between him and Ikuto. _I have to close the gap, I can’t just wait for the others to come and find me!_

“Flame elbow,” Natsu roared as he launched himself forwards, slamming his elbow into the wind mage and sending him staggering backwards. The Fire mage didn’t slow down, propelling himself forwards with his flames even though he could feel them starting to try and pull free of his control. “Sword horn of the Fire Dragon!” The attack lacked its usual strength as he found himself reigning in his flames before he’d even collided with Ikuto, determined to prevent his magic from escaping his control, and even as he heard a low shout of pain from the other mage he knew that it wasn’t going to be enough.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Ikuto said with a grin, looking unconcerned as he brushed aside several patches of singed clothing as the flames died away and Natsu wanted to groan as he realised that was the full extent of the damage he’d managed to cause. Tensing as Ikuto straightened, the grin growing as he stepped forward, wind circling faster and faster around him as he moved and the Dragon-slayer couldn’t stop himself from taking a cautious half-step back.   “Show me what you’re really made of Salamander, while you still can.”

 _While you still can._ Normally Natsu would have bristled at those words, scoffing and trusting that no matter how strong the opponent was either he or his teammates would be able to bring him down and make him eat those words. But he couldn’t summon up that usual level of confidence - not when he had no idea where he was, let alone where the others were. And not when he could feel his magic stirring uneasily under his skin, his chest beginning to tingle with echoes of the pain that came before an outburst, and to his shame, he felt a brief sting his eyes as he silently amended that threat.

_You mean…if I can._

****

   Slash. Dodge. Re-quip and repeat. Usually regardless of how dangerous the situation was Erza found satisfaction if not enjoyment in fighting - it helped to remind her that she was no longer the helpless girl in the Tower of Heaven, dependent on others to protect her. However, today there was none of that, just a grim sense of purpose coursing through her as she methodically worked her way through the group of mages that were attempting to stop her from finding Natsu. _Natsu._ It was difficult to focus on anything beyond the fact that he was in danger, or that she had become separated from the others. She regretted taking the job now, regretted ignoring the obvious signs that there was something wrong with the Dragon-slayer, and in desperation, she channelled that regret into her attacks.

    She was panting heavily as the last of her opponents dropped to the floor with a defeated cry, glancing around to make sure that she hadn’t missed any. It had taken her slightly longer than she’d hoped to deal with them, as there had been some unexpectedly strong mages in the group, and she was beginning to understand why it had been rated as such a difficult job. Although it also made her wonder why on earth the main force of the Rune Knights hadn’t been sent in to deal with it. After all, Crocus tended to deal with issues within its limits without requesting help from other guilds. However, she shoved that thought aside to consider later as she re-quipped into her standard armour with a sigh, keeping one of her swords in her hand as she turned to look at the downed mages with a determined expression. One of them had to know where they were keeping Natsu.

“Tell me where I’ll find your master!” She ordered harshly, yanking the nearest still conscious mage to his feet, armoured fingers digging into his shoulder as she brought the point of her sword to rest against his throat. For a moment he looked terrified, but then his expression set into one of dogged determination and he shook his head defiantly, teeth bared in a feral snarl.

“No…”

“That wasn’t a request,” her tone was glacial although she had to admire his courage especially when it was clear that his guild was aware of who she was, however, she didn’t let that show as she leant in closer with a dark expression deciding to try a different question. “The Dragon-slayer that you took, where is he being kept?” At this stage finishing the job was the last thing on her mind, they would complete it, but only because it was part of getting Natsu back. Then she was going to drag him home and make him tell them what on earth was going on with him, then she would decide whether she needed to punish him and Happy for hiding it from the rest of them.

“I don’t know,” he replied after a moment, and her attention snapped back to him, eyes narrowing dangerously at his response, although she couldn’t find any deceit in his expression. “Besides even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. As scary as you might be, you don’t hold a flame to our mistress!”  _Mistress…_ Erza didn’t miss the hint of fear in his voice as he spoke of the guild-master, and that added with Ikuto’s confidence that Natsu wouldn’t stand a chance against her made the nervous concern swirling under her anger rise, making it hard for her to focus. _Natsu…_

“Tell…” She trailed off, dropping him with a cry of alarm as a magical circle appeared over his back, filling the air with choking black smoke and she could only watch wide-eyed as the smoke engulfed him. Seconds later it cleared away as though it had never been there, leaving the mage sprawled limply on the ground in front of her, blue eyes wide and empty as he stared at her and she found herself swallowing hard as nausea rose in her stomach. _A self-destructive magical circle…_ her mind flashed back to Jellal for a moment before she shook her head, not allowing herself to get distracted. For the mage to have gone that far, he must’ve known something, and been afraid that she would get it out of him.

  _What kind of guild is this…?_

   Frustrated and with a rising sense of panic she glanced around at the others, gritting her teeth when she realised that the rest of them were out cold. She wouldn’t be getting anything out of them for the time being, and she wasn’t willing to waste time waiting for them to wake up. Besides if he had been willing to go that far, it was likely they were the same, either that, or they didn’t have a choice in the matter. In the back of her mind, she could hear Natsu’s voice raised in protest. It didn’t matter if they were enemies, or if they were dark, he could never stand the thought of guild-mates treating their own like that and while ordinarily, she didn’t agree she found herself having to this time. _This is taking it too far..._

    Still, there was nothing that she could do for them at the moment, apart from avoiding asking them anything that would set off the spell or cause them to activate it themselves. With a defeated sigh she banished her sword before glancing skywards, she hadn’t caught sight of Lucy or Happy for a while, but she was confident that they were safe, and hopefully searching for Natsu. As reluctant as she had been to leave Gray behind to deal with the shooter, she knew that the Ice mage would be able to deal with it, which left Wendy. While she wanted nothing more than to focus on finding Natsu, she knew that he would never forgive her if something happened to Wendy because of him, and they might need Wendy’s magic when they found him. She closed her eyes briefly at that thought before her expression turned grim and she took off at a run, she had already wasted too much time.

_**_

        Gray snarled as he was forced once again to take shelter behind a hastily erected ice shield, whoever the shooter was they were talented - putting even Alzack and Bisca combined to shame. However, he had finally managed to catch a glimpse of his opponent reflected in a window, and he was relieved to discover that there was only one shooter - a youngish looking girl. Not that it was making it any easier for him to stop her, and he had to admit that he could see why this job had been ranked as S-class. Still, he couldn’t afford to be in awe of that fact or to hesitate for even a moment, they needed to regroup and find Natsu before the Dragon-slayer managed to end up in even more danger. _But there’s no way I can get a lock on them from down here…_

    The shooter had been toying with him, making the most of the shelter provided by the rises and dips of the rooftops and no matter how fast his Ice make was it hadn’t been enough. However, there was an easy way to remedy that, and as soon as the next brief break appeared in the rain of bullets, he darted out from behind the shield. Eyeing up the height of the building he smirked.

“Ice Make: Gungnir!” He roared directing his ice towards his feet, although he nearly regretted his decision as he shot skywards, for once understanding how Natsu got motion sick so easily. Thinking of the Dragon-slayer was enough to steady him though, flinching as bullets suddenly slammed into the ice around him, but he didn’t slow down. _One shot, I just need one shot…_ He thought, hissing as one bullet caught his cheek and he growled as he felt blood beginning to drip down his face, ignoring it he narrowed his eyes, finally spotting the small figure darting across a rooftop to his left. For a brief second he hesitated at the size of this opponent, but then he shook his head at his own foolishness before slamming his hands together with a growl.

“Ice Make: Cannon!” He roared, and there was a startled cry as the ice ball slammed into the roof sending his opponent tumbling towards the ground. Dark eyes narrowed as he traced the fall, bringing his hands together once more and hoping that this would be enough to finish the fight.  “Ice Make: Lance!” The projectiles slammed into the falling figure, startling another cry from them before they landed hard on the street below and the Ice mage hastily slid down the tiles to land beside them. Coming up short as he finally got a good look at her - she was young, barely older than Wendy and her clothes were now torn and tattered from his attacks and the fall, and he felt bad for not holding back at least a little

“Wait!” She cried staring up at him with wide brown eyes, straining desperately to reach for her weapon but the Ice mage kicked it further out of reach, sparing it a brief glance and realising that he was lucky that she hadn’t managed to land a proper hit. If she had, he doubted that even Wendy’s magic would have been enough to save him.

“Sorry,” Gray said coldly, feeling a little bit of sympathy for her as he caught the flash of fear on her face, but he didn’t let his expression waver as he stared down at her. As innocent as she looked and acted, she was still a member of a dark guild. A guild that had dared to lay a hand on one of his teammates, even if Natsu was partly to blame for going off on his own when he clearly wasn’t alright. “This is a job, and you made the mistake of taking one of our friends.”

_I won’t forgive you for that, even if it is that idiotic Flamebrain…_

    Quickly he iced her in place, hoping that it would hold long enough for them to get back and hand her over into custody, especially as she caught the dark, hateful glare she shot him when she realised that she wasn’t going to be able to escape. Seeing that expression, he knew that there was no point in trying to get information from her, and he didn’t have the time to waste to try and force it from her - plus he lacked Erza’s intimidating personality. He spared the girl one last glance before turning and breaking into a run, swiping briefly at the blood trickling down his face, hoping that one of the others would have managed to find something useful.

_Hang on Flamebrain…_

**

    Wendy cried out as she slammed into the ground again, only just managing to roll to the side as a large slab of earth slammed into the space where she had been seconds before. Wide-eyed at the close call she scrambled away as more earth shot skywards, and she was relieved when she felt paws snagging the back of her dress and lifting her to safety a moment before the whole bit beneath her feet disappeared as the ground caved in. She winced as she took in the destruction that had been done, vaguely aware of people fleeing the scene and she could just imagine the row they were going to get for this when it was over, even if they hadn’t been the ones doing the worst of the damage.

“Wendy…”

“I know,” she whispered hearing the concern in Carla’s voice, tilting her head slightly to meet worried brown eyes, but before she could say anything else, the Exceed dived to the side to avoid the pillar of earth that shot towards them. The mage wasn’t giving them a chance to regroup, and Wendy had never been so glad for her partner’s agility as she was right then. “This is like Jura-san’s magic,” she managed to shout out as they darted between pillars, using her wind to slash through another that had appeared too quickly for the Exceed to avoid.

“Yeah…But Jura wasn’t trying to kill us,” Carla pointed out sharply, breath beginning to come in short, sharp pants and Wendy knew that she wasn’t going to be able to keep them aloft and keep avoiding the attacks for much longer. Gently she reached up to rest a hand against one of the paws clinging to her, before quietly ordering.

“Let me down.”

“But…” Carla protested, knowing that she wouldn’t have much choice soon. However, that didn’t mean that she wanted to toss her partner into danger, even if there was no chance of them just fleeing the fight now, not when her wings were beginning to tremble, and she could feel her magic beginning to falter.

“We have to deal with this,” Wendy pointed out grimly, blasting another pillar out of their path before adding with increased urgency. “And you’ve done more than enough! Now it’s my turn.” She knew that Carla often worried that she didn’t contribute enough, even if she would never show that concern around any of the others, especially Happy. There was another moment of hesitation from the Exceed before she let out a defeated sigh and made a beeline for the nearest rooftop, letting Wendy carve a path for them as the attacks seemed to intensify.

    Wendy’s feet had barely touched the roof tiles before she was whirling around with a fierce expression, forcing herself not to glance at Carla as she heard the faint whimper from the Exceed. Instead, she focused in on their opponent who had paused briefly at their sudden landing, and as grey eyes met hers, she let her magic swell.

“Roar of the Sky Dragon!” She cried, only to watch with a tinge of despair as he raised a large chunk of earth to shield him from the worst of her attack, although she took slight satisfaction when it shattered pelting him with bits of rock. Taking advantage of that momentary distraction she sprang forwards, knowing that the longer this dragged out, the less likely she was going to be able to pull out a victory. Resolutely ignoring the small voice that whispered she might not be able to, instead focusing on thoughts of Natsu and his constant encouragement as she sprang towards the street with a determined scowl. “Wing Slash of the Sky Dragon!” This time the attack landed, and she was relieved to watch him fly backwards, although she winced as he collided with the far the wall and left a small crater. Although the relief was short-lived when he began to free himself almost immediately.

“Is that it? We’ve got one of your precious teammates,” the Earth mage called to her as he straightened, and she froze, wind whipping around her furiously as she shared a worried look with Carla. It was the first time he’d bothered to speak to her since he’d attacked, and while a small part of her hoped that it was merely a case of him acknowledging her, she had a worrying fear that it was something more and she tensed in preparation for whatever he might throw at her next.  “I would have thought that you’d be taking this a little more seriously, or maybe the rumours about you Fairies were misleading?”

   Wendy froze at the taunt, of all the things that she had been imaging might come out of his mouth that hadn’t been one of them, and she idly noted that she must’ve been spending too much time around Natsu and Gajeel when she found herself baring her teeth at him. _Seriously? You took Natsu-san, of course, I’m treating this seriously!_  She felt closer to the older Dragon-slayer than any other member of their team bar Carla, and he had become a friend, and older brother rolled into one. It was that relationship combined with the guilt she was feeling for ignoring the fact that something was clearly wrong with him the day before was responsible for the ever-growing sense of fear rising in her chest.

_I have to finish this…_

“I won’t lose to you!” She shouted fiercely after a moment, brown eyes narrowed as she glared at the man, ignoring the startled and somewhat worried protest from Carla at the outburst. She was still frightened, concerned that her magic wouldn’t be enough, that Natsu was already severely hurt or worse., and that they wouldn’t be in time. But with her opponent’s words ringing in her ears, she turned towards the burning fury rising beneath the fear. _I will win this fight! I will show you just how seriously a Fairy can fight!_ Her gaze never wavered from him as she began to suck in air as quickly as she could, trusting her partner to watch for attacks and dodge if it came before she was ready.

“Wendy…” Carla whispered nervously, feeling the tension in the Dragon-slayer, and the power gathering around her. It was similar to what she had felt when Wendy had fought with Chelia during the Grand Magic Games. She just hoped that it would be enough to end this because if it wasn’t then, they were going to be in even worse trouble. Wendy had already pushed herself to the limit, and Carla doubted that she could even manifest her wings at this moment, so she was reduced to the role of spectator as wind surrounded the pair forming an impenetrable barrier, obscuring her view of what was happening.

“Dragon Slayer’s Secret Art: Light Burst, Sky Drill!” Wendy prayed that this would work, she’d only used it once so far, and she knew that it was going to leave her with very little magic to continue to fight with. Unleashing her power, she closed her eyes and whispered a prayer to Grandine to let it work, her eyes flying open as she caught her opponent’s strangled cry, catching the look of surprise as he was flung back into the wind barrier. For a moment their gazes met and then he was flying through the air, and she winced as he slammed hard into one of the houses, only this time he made no move to rise.

    She remained tense for a long moment as the wind began to dissipate, not quite daring to trust that it was over, but eventually, the choice was taken from her as her knees gave way beneath her. With a cry she hit the ground, breathing heavily as she became aware of the exhaustion flooding her body, and all she could do was sit there as she tried to catch her breath, her heart pounding in her chest. _I won?_

“Wendy! Wendy!” Carla’s panicked shouts broke through the exhausted haze and Wendy raised her head just at the Exceed reached her side, paws nervously coming to rest against her trembling arms as Carla peered up at her with wide, worried eyes.  “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Wendy whispered as she took an inventory of herself, amazed to realise that she had nothing more serious than cuts and bruises. However, she could barely feel her magic at the moment, which meant that she wouldn’t be able to fight for a while and she paled as she prayed that none of the others needed healing. She had planned to hold back just in case, but it hadn’t been possible. _Natsu-san - s_ he just hoped that either he wasn’t hurt too badly or that she had rested enough by the time that they found him. With that thought in mind, she began to try and urge her weary body up off the ground, wanting to regroup with the others as quickly as possible. _Before we get into any more trouble…_

“Idiot you used far too much magic,” Carla scolded as she did her best to support the Dragon-slayer, scowling as Wendy’s legs threatened to give way beneath the moment she rested all of her weight on them, and there was a mix of irritation and concern in her voice as she added sternly.  “Look at you, you can barely stand now.” In the past, that would have been enough to send her into a total meltdown, but she knew that Wendy had grown a lot stronger than back then and her partner had shown more than once that she would pull through when others needed her – not that it stopped her from worrying about her.

“I’m fine,” Wendy said reassuringly, offering the worried Exceed a bright smile, although its effect was lessened by the weariness in her face and the small cuts littering one of her cheeks.

“But…”

“We need to find the others…” Wendy pointed out cutting across the Exceed, knowing that they didn’t have the time worry about her as well. Carla nodded in agreement although she didn’t look completely convinced. However, her expression softened as the Dragon-slayer added more urgently.  “Natsu-san still needs help!” She had been desperately hoping to see some sign of explosions or hear his overly noisy shouting at some point, but she hadn’t caught anything, and even if she had been distracted by the fight, she doubted that she would have been able to miss it. _Natsu-san where are you?_

“You…” Carla began, before sighing as she realised that as long as the others remained in danger, there was no way that Wendy was going to put herself first, regardless of how hurt of tired she was. However, that didn’t mean she was going to let the girl be too reckless, and as she gently lifted Wendy into the air, she added fiercely.  “Fine, but let me do all the work for now alright?” A stubborn expression passed briefly over Wendy’s face, but then she sighed and nodded, realising that if she didn’t then Carla was likely to refuse to help her, and she was honest enough to admit that she needed help for the moment at least. “Let’s go then!”

**

“There’s Wendy and Carla!” Lucy cried as she spotted the blur of white and blue out of the corner of her eye, relief flooding her as Happy immediately turned in their direction. She had been growing increasingly worried by the fact that they hadn’t managed to find any sign of Natsu yet, or regroup with the others, although she had to admit that Gray and Erza at least were unlikely to have run into too much trouble.

_Or so I hope…_

“Let’s go!” Happy replied as he changed directions, trying to ignore the ever-growing pit in the bottom of his stomach. As relieved as he was to know that at least some of the others were okay, he couldn’t take his thoughts off his own partner. _Natsu where are you?_ He had been counting on the Fire mage doing something that would guide him to where he was being kept, but there had been no sign of him yet, and he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to go badly wrong if it hadn’t already.

****

   Natsu yelped as he was slammed forcefully into the wall, confident that he felt his ribs crack under the force of the impact and there were tears of pain in the corners of his eyes as he dropped slowly to the ground. Sucking in shallow breaths he struggled back to his feet, swaying slightly for a moment before he managed to stabilise himself once more, stubbornly pushing aside the dull ache in his side as he couldn’t afford to let himself slow down right now.

“Damn it you bastard! That hurt!” He growled as he glared at his opponent, eyes fierce as he clenched his fists in readiness, his anger rising as the man laughed at his expression and words. He had been holding back slightly, worried about what could happen if he let his magic out completely as he could feel it beginning to fight his control, but enough was enough, and he couldn’t let himself hold back. If he was having this much trouble then it could mean the others were as well, and he still hadn’t heard anything from them, and he gritted his teeth hoping that it meant they were just busy, and not…He shook his head refusing to let that thought take root, instead clenching his hand into a fist in readiness to attack.

 “Iron Fist….”     He snarled as he readied himself to end this as quickly as he could, only to falter when there was no answering surge in his magic, and his eyes widened with alarm. “Iron Fist…Iron Fist…Iron…” He trailed off helplessly, fear flooding him when there were still no flames in response to his words, and he tensed as the other mage stepped forward with a triumphant smirk playing around his lips as he asked mockingly.

“Having trouble there, boy?”

     Natsu barely registered the taunting words, his entire focus on the complete and utter lack of flames around his hand. _Where was his magic?_ He could still feel it deep within in, and he knew from experience that he wasn’t at the stage where he should have run out, and yet it wouldn’t listen to his commands even as his fear and urgency rose. Not once over the past few months had his magic ever acted like this, and the ever-present worry at the back of his mind that what was happening was more serious than he wanted to believe was surging to the forefront. Swallowing hard he only just managed to roll to the side as wind slashed past him, shaking slightly as he raised himself to look at Ikuto as he stalked towards him, and he felt fear settling over him as he realised that he was only going to be able to dodge for so long. _Please hurry guys…_

“ _WIND SCYTHE!”_

****

     Ice had spread out and covered the surrounding street and buildings from where Ichiko had emerged, only to find her guild-mates sprawled on the ground. She immediately noted the dead member and feeling the remnants of the self-destructive magic in the air she cursed, and with a snarl, she bowed her head towards him, it was the only gesture that she would allow herself to give but she wanted to acknowledge his loyalty. _Unlike that rat Nezu…_ She had dealt with him already, cutting off at least one supply of information for the fairies, but it had delayed her in getting here, and now she regretted that delay.   

“So this is Fairy Tail,” Ichiko commented as she gazed down at the downed mages with a scowl until now even the weakest members of the guild had been enough to deal with anyone that came after them because of that job request. Yet just a small group were managing to wipe them out, she wasn’t to bothered by the loss of the ones at her feet, but she had lost contact with the others as well, and that concerned her more than she cared to admit. “I suppose I should admit that they were better than I expected. However…” After fighting with the Salamander, she had been hoping that she might not need to use him, as it would’ve been interesting to keep him around for a while - for training of course, but it was clear that if they wanted this to end in their favour, she was going to have to use him.

_A pity but…_

     Turning away in disgust she gestured towards the same shadows that she had used to get up her, ice forming their guild-mark and disappearing through it. That would start the games, but for now, she was more interested in her own game, and her expression darkened as she set off down the street.

“Now Titania,” she muttered, knowing without a doubt that she had been responsible for taking out the group behind her. That would be her biggest challenge and her biggest triumph. As a girl, she had grown up with the stories of Titania, Queen of the Fairies and she decided years ago that she would be the one to best the red-head, determined to bring herself and Harinsbane into the spotlight - to show the world what their guild was capable of. She had to admit that she hadn’t been expecting the confrontation just yet, but she was confident in her power, besides with the threat to the Salamander everything could be twisted in her favour if things went awry.

_Honour…That was taken from us when we were declared a dark guild and banned from the league…now victory is all that matters, and Titania you will be my greatest victory._

****

    Natsu’s side felt like it was on fire as he breathed shallowly, sprawled limply against the wall where he had been flung after the latest attack, not even attempting to get back to his feet this time. Nothing he did produced even the slightest flicker of flame, and he felt exhausted and dizzy, the room beginning to blur around him and creating a churning sensation in his stomach. _Perhaps I can just throw up on him,_ he thought dizzily as he tilted his head slightly as he heard footsteps approaching, well aware that this time there really was nothing that he could do, and he felt a choking sense of defeat settling over him.

_Sorry, everyone…_

     They were both distracted a moment later though as the wall above the Dragon-slayer distorted briefly, a small crescent moon made of ice dropping through it and shattering beside Natsu’s head, causing him to flinch slightly. A brief sniff confirmed that it wasn’t Gray’s ice and Natsu felt fresh despair at that realisation. They weren’t going to get here in time. However, he carefully kept his expression as clear as possible as he glanced towards Ikuto who was still staring at the spot where the ice had shattered.

“Looks like it’s show-time,” Ikuto commented with only a slight edge to his voice to indicate that the signal bothered him, and Natsu tensed at the words as he knew that couldn’t mean anything good, especially when he had no way of protecting himself for the time being. That fear ratcheting up a notch when dark eyes landed on him, and a small smirk curled the wind mage’s lips. “You’re going to help us show your guild and any other guild that thinks of taking that request the consequences of facing us.”

“What?” Natsu could only watch helplessly as the wind continued to gather around Ikuto, raising an arm in an attempt to protect himself from the debris and dust being whipped up, while he scrabbled at the rock with his other hand as he felt the wind tugging on him. The wind sped up until there was whirling vortex filling the centre of the cave, and as he watched Ikuto gestured skywards, and the wind rose with a deafening roar, and Natsu’s eyes widened with horror as he realised what was about to happen…the destruction this man was willing to cause. Desperately he tried to rise, to at least distract Ikuto and lessen the impact if not outright stop him, but his body was refusing to listen to his commands and he had to bite back a frustrated growl.

**

    Wendy had been ready to cry with relief when she’d spotted Happy and Lucy soaring towards them, and she waved eagerly towards the Celestial mage despite the worried scolding she got for exerting herself even slightly. However, from the way the Carla sped up she was just as keen to meet up with them, and she subsided at that knowledge, beginning to scan the streets down below in the hopes of spotting Gray or Erza...or Natsu. Although she barely dared to allow herself to hope for that, instead glancing up as the other pair drew closer, hoping that they would have at least found something useful

“Wendy! Are you…” Lucy began to call as they got close enough to hear each other, taking in the younger girl’s battered state with concern, but before she could finish the street beneath them erupted upwards. Raging wind filling the air around them, filled with debris and she cried out as rock caught the side of her leg as Happy desperately tried to dodge the projectiles, clutching desperately at her as the wind constantly threatened to tear her from his grasp. Praying that he wouldn’t let go she risked a glance down, her eyes stinging under the force of the wind, but the pain and discomfort were forgotten a moment later as she spotted the figures down below. It was hard to trust her sight at the moment, but her heart told her what she had seen, and she raised her voice hoping that Happy would be able to hear her. “Happy! Natsu’s down there!”

“Aye Sir!” Happy immediately forgot about dodging the debris as he dove towards the hole that had opened in the street below, he couldn’t see well enough to confirm her words, but he trusted her. They’d barely reached street-level when he was caught in the side by a chunk of rock, yelping in pain as he released his hold on Lucy and they were both caught up in the swirling vortex, unable to do anything as it sucked them downwards debris lashing against them as they disappeared through the hole.

“LUCY! HAPPY!” Wendy cried in horror as she watched the pair falling out of sight, alarm flooding her as she realised that Happy was making no effort to even slow their fall. However, as Carla dived in an attempt to follow them, they were caught in the remnants of the wind, and they both cried out in alarm as they were flung viciously away.

**

   Natsu had only been able to watch with shocked eyes as the ground above him was torn apart by Ikuto’s wind, huddling desperately against the wall in an attempt to protect him from the falling rock, hissing as a sharp piece caught his face but unable to do anything about it for the time being. A pained cry from within the vortex drew his attention, and his eyes widened with horror as he caught a glimpse of blue and blonde falling towards him at a worrying speed, and despite his pain and the danger he staggered back to his feet clinging to the wall for support.

_Please don’t let it be them…_

   His fears were confirmed as the wind disappeared a moment later, depositing Lucy and Happy on the ground a short distance away, and at first, he feared the worst as neither of them were making any effort to move and at this distance, he couldn’t tell if they were alive or not. With trembling legs, he took a small step forwards only to freeze as the Celestial mage let out a low groan of pain, stirring slowly as Happy also began to try and raise his head and he was torn between relief that they were alive and fury that they had been dragged into this. That they had been hurt because he wasn’t strong enough.

“Lucy! Damn it!” Natsu snarled as he watched the Celestial mage struggling to shake off the shock of her fall, tensing as he caught the coppery smell of blood coming from her direction, Happy didn’t look much better as the Exceed forced himself into an upright position and he doubted that either of them would be able to fight for a while.

“Natsu!” Happy called weakly as he spotted the Dragon-slayer, paling as he took in the state that Natsu was in and Lucy glanced up as she caught the worry in his voice. And the Dragon-slayer snarled as he spied the pain written across her face and the cuts and bruises marring her skin, forgetting all about his own pain and issues as he straightened.

“Oh look, I managed to catch some more Fairies,” Ikuto commented, and Natsu stiffened at the mocking tone, turning to glower at the wind mage.  “It looks like you weren’t necessary after all…” Natsu’s eyes narrowed, and he finally felt his magic beginning to stir in his chest once more, and he clenched his fists, relief and triumph flooding him when sparks flickered around his skin this time. He didn’t care what the man said about him, but he had hurt his friends, had insulted his guild, and that was unforgivable. _I won’t let you get away with that._   His magic flared at that thought, and he knew without a doubt that if he used it, it was going to be a barely controlled outburst, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, even if it meant that Lucy was going to see what was happening. _Maybe she won’t realise, but I have to do this._

“How dare you!” He growled as he turned to face Ikuto, releasing what little control he had been clinging to and allowing flames to slowly begin creeping up his hands, aware that it wouldn’t take much more for it to break free completely.

“Natsu! Don’t!”  Happy shouted desperately, staggering back to his feet as it dawned on him what the Dragon-slayer was about to do. However, Natsu showed no sign of having heard him, his burning gaze still fixated on the other mage as the air around him began to heat up, and the Exceed let out a worried noise, not daring to get closer at the moment.

“Natsu?” Lucy whispered, not understanding what Happy was so worried about, but the Dragon-slayer didn’t even spare her a glance. Flames were spreading across his body faster now, and there was an odd glow to his eyes that she had never seen before and she couldn’t help but feel that she had to stop this. Trying to force herself to her feet only to find Happy laying a paw on her arm and shaking his head with tears in his eyes. “Happy?”

“Stay back…”

“What are you…?” Ikuto demanded unnerved by the shift in the Dragon-slayer’s demeanour, unsure of what to make of the magic flooding the air around him, as it was beyond anything that Natsu had shown so far and he hastily pulled wind in around himself. _What is this?_ There was a trickle of fear down his back as the Dragon-slayer stepped forwards, and he swept his arms towards the boy hoping to douse the flames, but if anything they seemed to whip even higher. Natsu didn’t bother replying, unsure if he actually could as it was taking every ouch of determination that he had to stop his magic from going completely out of control. Praying that he could control it enough to protect his friends he unleashed it, there was no spell, no purpose, just an outpouring of magic and anger.

    Lucy cried out in alarm as the air around them filled with flames, drawing Happy against herself in an attempt to protect him, before she even realised that the fire was arching away from them. It was nothing like Natsu’s usual destructive power, she hadn’t heard him yelling an attack, and there was a wildness to his magic that scared her, something that she hadn’t felt before. Even back in Hargeon the first time that she had seen what he was capable of, it had been more awe that fear. Her thoughts were derailed as she heard a pained shout from within the flames, and she paled when she realised that the man that Natsu had been fighting had been caught in the attack, and she desperately glanced to Natsu, taken aback by the fear in his expression.

“Natsu? Natsu stop it! What are you thinking?” Yes, he always went overboard, but this was too much, and if he wasn’t careful he was going to end up killing the other mage. Something that Fairy Tail forbade, and she paled at the thought of that rule being broken. “Natsu!”

    The Dragon-slayer froze as he caught her worried shout, realising with a jolt of horror that he had lost himself in the feel of his magic, the sensation reassuring after the terrifying minutes when nothing had responded to him. Hearing her fear and concern brought him crashing back into reality, and with a strained shout, he dragged his flames back towards him, paling as he realised how far he had been about to go. Olive eyes flooding with relief as the fire died down to reveal an unconscious but clearly alive Ikuto, and he closed them for a moment as he heaved out a soft breath. _What was I thinking?_ There was no joy or satisfaction at managing to win, just relief that it was over. That he hadn’t crossed that line or hurt his friends, and he struggled to stop himself from just collapsing in a heap, feeling magically and physically exhausted.

  _At least I’m not a danger like this…_

“Lucy…” Natsu muttered trying to move towards the Celestial mage and Exceed, but his body was protesting vehemently after a couple of steps his legs crumpled beneath him, sending him sprawling to the ground with a pained yelp as it sent flashes of agony racing through his bruised side. For a moment he laid there stunned, vaguely aware of Lucy and Happy calling to him in alarm. He was just gathering himself to at least try and reply when he froze, fresh pain lancing through his body and his eyes widened in fear as his magic surged against his control. Stronger than it should have been after the previous outburst and all his fighting, _where was it coming from?_ Remembering the other two his head shot up in alarm.

“LUCY! HAPPY! GET AWAY FROM ME!” He shouted in horror, praying that the Exceed would realise what was happening and pull the Celestial mage away to safety, as even as he tried frantically to clamp down on the surging magic, he knew that it wasn’t going to be enough this time. _Why? I’m already at my limit. So, how can you be about to burst out again?_

“We’ve got to move!” Happy had realised what was going to happen the moment that Natsu had frozen, the pain on his partner’s face a familiar sight after the recent months and after seeing the damage a partially controlled outburst had caused he wasn’t in a hurry to get caught up in another one. Dredging up a last bit of energy his wings reappeared and knowing that they wouldn’t last long he wasted no time in seizing Lucy by the shoulder and rushing into the air, hoping that they would be able to get to a reasonable height before the Dragon-slayer lost control.

“But…Natsu!” Lucy protested, she had thought that the previous outburst was his normal out of control fighting, but there was something in his expression now and the way that Happy was reacting that told her this was something more going on. “Happy we have to…” She trailed off as she got a good look at the Exceed’s expression, the worry and fear were practically rolling off him in waves, and her protests died as she caught him struggling not to look back. _You knew about this? You knew it was this bad? Happy why didn’t you tell us…_

    Natsu wasn’t able to tell if they’d managed to get to safety, his vision blurring with tears and shadows as he fought tooth and nail to hold the flames back as long as possible, but he trusted Happy to take care of Lucy. Gasping he scrabbled at the ground, trying to ground himself through the pain, although his efforts were hampered by his injuries which were burning fiercely. A particularly sharp throb of pain sent him toppling forward, and he closed his eyes as he felt his weak hold on the magic snap.

“NATSU!!!”

 


	5. Chapter 5

    Natsu was surrounded by flames. His flames, and yet in that instance, he could no more control them than he could use Ice magic and he felt warm tears trickling down his cheeks as once again he realised that he actually feared these flames. The flames that Igneel had given him. However, the fear was overridden by the pain engulfing his body, and he tried to curl in on himself, desperate for some form of relief, although the slightest movement seemed to send flash bolts of pain through him instead. He was vaguely aware that he was whimpering and crying out with pain, but he couldn’t summon the willpower to even try and silence himself.

    Then suddenly as though from a great distance he heard voices shouting his name, and despite the knowledge that it would cause him pain he weakly raised his head, realising with horror that Lucy and Happy were trying to fly towards him through the inferno despite the danger to themselves. Frantically he tried to shout to them, to tell them to stay away but he couldn’t get his voice to work, realising that they and the rest of the world were beginning to fade away from him and he felt defeat wash over him as he sank back to the ground as the last of his strength abandoned him.

“Lucy…Happy…” he managed to whisper before consciousness fled, leaving him sprawled helplessly in the centre of the destruction his magic was causing.

_I’m so sorry._

****       

    Lucy groaned softly as she slowly began to drift towards consciousness, aware of the dull ache permeating through most of her body and she wished that she could go back to sleep if that was all that she was going to wake to. Still, something prickled on the edge of her memory, and she blinked slowly as she tried to convince her eyes to open. _Something terrible happened, but what was it?_ She could remember being hit with overwhelming with fear, and the world around her had been unbearably warm, but what had happened… _Natsu!?_ Her eyes shot open with horror as she recalled trying to get to the Dragon-slayer through the inferno that he had somehow managed to unleash.

“Na…” She croaked weakly.

“Lucy? You’re awake?” _Of course,_ she thought even as she tilted her head towards the unexpected voice, blinking as whoever it was swimming in and out of sight for a moment, blinking until her vision managed to clear enough for her to recognise the worried Ice mage who was hovering over her.

“Gr..ay?” She whispered hoarsely, blinking heavily as she slowly tilted her head towards him, eyes narrowing with concern as she took in the bandage on his face and the plasters covering his arms, and it took her a moment to recall that he’d taken off to deal with the shooter the last time that she had seen him. “Wha..?” She coughed as the words caught on her overly dry voice, and almost immediately she felt his fingers against her lip, magic flaring before an ice-cube slipped into her mouth and she sucked greedily at it, allowing the water to soothe her parched throat.

“Better?”

“Yeah thanks,” Lucy said quietly as she swallowed the last bit of ice, forcing herself into an upright position and hissing as the movement intensified the ache in her body. Reluctantly she allowed him to help settle her back against the pillows, refusing to admit the fact that she would have probably fallen over if he hadn’t. “What happened? Where’s Natsu?”

“Natsu’s next door,” Gray replied grimly, knowing that she would want that news first despite the order of the questions. “He’s not woken up yet, but his injuries don’t seem too serious,” he explained quickly as he caught the worry in her eyes, her gaze flicking around and taking in the fact that she was in a drab looking hospital room before she turned her attention back to him.

“How long have I been out?”

“Since yesterday,” He replied as he glanced across at the clock, surprised to realise that it hadn’t been longer as it felt like they had been sat around for days waiting for the others to wake up. It was one of the things he hated most about hospitals, was that time seemed to work differently, making the worry drag out even more than it needed to. “We saw the wind attack that destroyed the street…”

     _Gray had been a couple of streets away when the blast of wind had shot upwards through the air, freezing in a mixture of awe and shock as he stared up at it. Dark eyes widening as he spotted Wendy and Carla being flung away from it and he was about to chase after them when he caught the familiar flash of blonde and blue within the wind itself. Lucy…and Happy. At once he was moving again, realising instinctively that their opponents must be trying to move into their endgame if they were going for such a blatant attack, which meant that Natsu was likely to be there in the middle of it all…hopefully fighting, he added hopefully trying to deny the quiet thought that he was overly optimistic because s if Natsu were fighting they would have seen some evidence of it already._

_Natsu will be fine…_

_He had just turned onto the street where the wind had come from, eyeing the destruction that had been caused with a silent curse. There was no way they weren’t going to get the blame for this when he heard the sound of running feet, and he whirled around with ice already forming, only to find a breathless Erza charging towards him with a worried expression on her face._

_“Gray! Did you see it?” She demanded as she skidded to a halt beside him._

_“Yeah!” He replied, briefly running his eyes over her to check for any major injuries before turning to gesture at the chasm that had opened up a little further ahead._

_“Let’s hurry…” Erza began only to cut herself off as she shoved Gray to the side, whirling in the next instance and barely managing to slash through the spear of ice that was shooting towards her. Her eyes narrowed as her gaze at the blue-haired woman that had appeared behind them, and her voice was sharp as it rang out.  “Ichiko I presume…”_

_“Titania…Queen of the Fairies.”_

_“Ice Make: Lance!” Gray roared as he recovered from being pushed to the side, only to stare in disbelief as the woman through up an ice barrier, deflecting his attack effortlessly. “Ice?” It was unlike any Make magic that he had seen before, and he scrambled back to his feet and moved to stand beside Erza. The greetings hadn’t escaped him, and he wanted to curse their luck at running into the guild master now of all times._

_“Gray…”_

_Whatever Erza had been about to say was cut off as there was a dull explosion from somewhere beneath their feet, and fire flashed up and out of the chasm, filling the air around them with almost unbearable heat,_

_“Natsu!” Gray shouted turning towards it, knowing that there was only one person capable of creating those kind of destructive flames, throwing up a hand to shield himself from the overwhelming heat as he took an instinctive step backwards. He might have become accustomed to fighting alongside Natsu and his flames, but he had never grown used to being so close to the heat._

_“Looks like the Salamander is finally putting some effort into it,” Ichiko commented coolly, smirking when Erza’s attention immediately turned back to her and adding dismissively. “He was a rather disappointing opponent. but then he wasn’t in great shape when we got him.” She felt a flare of triumph as Erza’s cool expression melted away into an angry scowl as the swordswoman gripped her sword tightly, and Ichiko quivered with anticipation even as she stood ready and waiting._

_“Gray go!” Erza ordered grimly, glancing briefly at Gray who had opened his mouth to protest, but there was something in her expression that made him snap his mouth shut again without a word. “I’ll finish things here.”_

*

 “I got down to you just as the flames died away,” Gray continued softly, noting how the Celestial mage swallowed slightly at the mention of the flames, filing it away to discuss later and his voice was gentle as he continued. “You and Natsu were both unconscious, and Happy wasn’t much better, but he insisted on helping get you out of there. Although he collapsed as soon as we were out.” It would have been much harder to get them out without the Exceed’s help, especially as Carla and Wendy hadn’t reappeared until they were nearly at the hospital, both of them looking worse for wear although it had seemed a lot worse than it was.

“Where is he?”

“With Natsu at the moment, although I think Erza is going to send him off to rest soon,” Gray said, hoping that Erza would as he knew that Natsu wouldn’t be happy if his partner collapsed out of exhaustion. _Not that you’re one to talk idiot Flamebrain. What the hell were you playing at….?_

“What happened with Erza?” Lucy asked, not really doubting that the red-head would have won, especially as the Ice mage would not have been as relaxed as he was if it had gone really wrong. As much as he tried to hide it most of the time, he often worried about Erza more than anyone, because no one else did.

“She hasn’t said a lot about it,” Gray admitted with a slight grimace, leaning back in his seat with a sigh as he continued quietly. “But the street was a mess when we finally got back to the top, and it looked like it hadn’t been an easy fight. She was covered in injuries, but Ichiko was out cold, so it was clear who had won.” _Not that it was ever really in doubt…_ It had been a long time since he’d seen the red-head that angry, and there had been a viciousness to her expression when he’d found her standing over the unconscious guild leader that would have terrified him if he had been an enemy.

“What about the other members?” Lucy demanded with a hint of urgency, not liking the thought that any of them might have escaped. With Natsu in the hospital, he was an easy target at the moment, not that any of them would let him get captured again.

“All in custody,” Gray replied with a smug expression which quickly darkened as he added. “Turns out not even the Rune Knights could ignore the amount of destruction our battles caused…”

“Are we in trouble again?” Lucy asked nervously, well aware that their entire guild was always skating on thin ice when it came to the Council, and she definitely didn’t feel up to dealing with that kind of a mess at the moment.

“A little,” Gray gave a shrug, and he looked honestly unconcerned by the thought, and she found herself relaxing even before he’d finished. “But Erza explained what had happened. and the state that Natsu was in was more than enough to convince them, so I doubt we’ll be facing any more repercussions.” _Thankfully._  The knights had clearly been spoiling for a fight when they turned up, and he knew that it was only thanks to Erza presence and way of explaining what had happened that stopped what could have easily escalated into another battle. _Still, I think Gramps is going to kill us when we get home…_

“I see…”

“Lucy?”  Lucy blinked at the sudden shift in his tone, gazing at him curiously as he seemed to gather himself for a moment before continuing.  “What happened down there?”

“I don’t really know,” she admitted, holding up a hand to stop him when he began to protest. Her expression grim as she glanced down at her bandaged arms, the memory of the flames too close for a moment, before she managed to push past that to continue in a slightly shaky voice. “I saw Natsu through the wind, and that’s why we dived in, but we got caught in it instead and crash-landed in the cave. He was fighting, but it was clear that he’d been struggling a lot more than usual.”

“Natsu…struggling?” Gray couldn’t keep the disbelief out of his voice, no matter how strong their opponent was or how close they came to defeat, the Dragon-slayer always managed to pull out a victory regardless of the odds he was facing. _If he couldn’t do that…_

“What little I saw made it look very one-sided,” Lucy replied with a shrug, sharing his disbelief, but trusting what she had seen. _It looked like he couldn’t even fight for a moment, as though he had no magic, but that can’t have been the case as he managed to attack just after that - s_ he frowned in concern at the thought, before forcing herself to focus on replying.  “Then when he realised that we had been caught up in it, he lost it…I’ve never seen him like that before…” There was no way she was going to admit that for a moment she had honestly thought that he was going to kill his opponent, even though she doubted that she was going to be able to forget any time soon.

“That’s Natsu…”

“He won,” Lucy continued with a wan smile before her expression darkened once more and Gray noted the brief shiver that went through her, feeling his heart drop at the expression. _Just how bad was it?_ He wondered with a frown. “But something happened/ I don’t know what, but it was almost like he lost control over his magic, and he yelled at us to get out.” _Almost like he was expecting it,_ and she hadn’t forgotten that Happy seemed to know what was happening as well, and she frowned for a moment, wondering if the Exceed would be more willing to tell them what was going on now.  “But we could hear that he was in pain, so we went back, that’s the last thing that I remember…”

“I see…”  Gray said softly, laying a hand on her shoulder as he realised that she was trembling all over now, his expression grim as he turned to look towards the wall between her and Natsu’s room.

_What the hell is going on with you Flamebrain?_

****

A couple of hours later:

    Lucy hesitated for a moment outside Natsu’s room, unable to hide from the anger that was churning away in her stomach. She still wasn’t entirely sure what had happened with his magic, and Happy had again refused to tell her, just staring at her with wide, worried eyes when she had caught him earlier. She couldn’t understand why he was still keeping Natsu’s secret when it was clear that it was hurting the Dragon-slayer, and had come scarily close to killing them. Sighing she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind and did her best to push aside her anger, quietly opening the door and slipping inside, surprised to find the Fire mage on his own.

   He still hadn’t stirred, and she paused for a moment as she studied him. He was covered in bandages, and even where there was bare skin it was bruised. In other words, he looked like hell. Still, she had seen him like that multiple times before, yet this seemed a lot worse, maybe because she knew that something more was hidden beneath what passed for relatively minor injuries when it came to Natsu. The sight of him so pale and still was unnerving as he was usually snoring loudly while sleeping and recovering, and her eyes quickly darted to his chest, the slow rise and fall reassuring her that he was still with them. That reassurance gave her the strength to move forward on shaky legs, dropping into the seat beside him as soon as she reached it.

     Natsu looked even worse up close, and she frowned as she realised that the air around him was cooler than usual, and when she reached out to grasp his hand, she realised that he wasn’t letting off his usual abnormal heat. Although after that last outburst it wasn’t surprising that he was low on magic. _That outburst -_ she had never really been frightened of his magic before, despite the insane things that he was capable of doing and yet yesterday she had been equally afraid of him as she was for him. _What were you thinking, or did you not have a choice?_ He had looked so frightened when he warned them to get away, but she still wasn’t sure what had happened, just that for a moment at least it had looked like he had lost control of his flames, but was that even possible?

“What are you hiding from us?” She asked softly, reaching out to brush wayward pink hair out of the pale face, fresh anger surging as she studied his bandaged face. The healers that had dealt with his injuries hadn’t been able to find anything else wrong with him, despite Erza ordering them to run every possible test that they could think of. Something that she was certain Natsu was going to be furious about when he finally woke up. The only thing they could think of was that it was something to do with him being a Dragon-slayer, but Wendy had been clueless, so unless Natsu was willing to talk they were going to have to wait until they saw Gajeel. “I thought that you trusted us…”

****

     Erza sighed as she settled into the chair beside Natsu that evening, having chased a protesting Lucy and Wendy off to rest, knowing that the former at least shouldn’t really have been out of bed just yet although she realised that nothing would’ve kept the Celestial mage away. Smiling slightly at that thought she turned her attention to Natsu, her expression darkening almost immediately as she stared at him, the anger that had been present since she’d first realised that whatever he was hiding from them had contributed to the situation rising to the front once more.

“You idiot,” she muttered heatedly, even as she reached out and gently took his hand mindful of the bandages covering them. Gray had filled her in on what Lucy had told him, and the doctors had tried to see if they could detect any problems with his magic, but nothing was showing up. So, all they had were suspicions and worries, and it was eating away at her - along with the worry about why he seemed so adamant on keeping it from them. Of all of them, he had always been the most trusting, never once doubting their friendship. Which made his silence all the more baffling. _Unless it’s something really bad,_ she scowled at that thought, finding it easier to be angry than admit just how worried she was becoming. “When you wake up you’re going to tell me the truth…”

    Shifting she tried to find a more comfortable position on the chair, wincing as she tweaked the wound on her side, her free hand sneaking now to press against it. She had underestimated Ichiko, and now that she had the chance to look back, she knew that she was fortunate that her temper and misjudgement hadn’t resulted in more severe injuries…

_“What did you do to Natsu?” Erza demanded harshly, golden light flaring as she re-quipped into her Fairy Armour. Refusing to hold back even slightly in this fight as she wanted nothing more than to go and check on the others, to check on the Dragon-slayer… Her hands tightened around the hilts of her swords as she studied the Ice mage, even from here she could detect the other’s magic, realising that this wasn’t going to be an easy fight._

_“Nothing,” Ichiko retorted, relishing the fact that she had made the great Titania lose her cool so easily, and there was a smirk playing around her lips as she added calmly. “He was unconscious when we found him. I just played with him a little before coming here, my brother is taking care of him now, of course, if you surrender we would spare him.” We just might not return him, she added silently, after all, what was the point of handing over something so valuable? Something that would allow them to establish even more control over the area?_

_Erza’s eyes narrowed even further, quickly picking up on the unspoken words from the other woman’s expression. They had no intention of returning Natsu to them without a fight, which was fine with her. Still, there was a confidence to the woman that did not come from false strength and after a moment’s consideration she loosened her hold slightly on her swords as she straightened out of her ready position._

_“Really?” She made herself hopeful and eager._

_“Of course,” Ichiko replied with a smirk, although inside she felt slightly off balance having expected nothing but a quick refusal of the offer. Had she overestimated their strength? Was this what the great Titania was really like? Shaking her head, she readied herself before adding quietly. “However, you are a different mat...” Suddenly Erza was right there in front of her, and only a frantic twist to the side saved her from being caught by the flashing swords. Snarling as she realised it had been a ruse she lashed out, drawing a cry from the other woman as the ice caught the soft material part at her side, drawing blood as it cut through the material. “Your precious Salamander is probably already dead, but don’t worry I’ll send you to join him soon enough._

_“Natsu isn’t dead.” Erza snapped with complete certainty, she would know if any of her friends were gone, she was sure of it, and the threat to herself did little to faze her. Ignoring the fresh sting from the wound, she sprang forwards, swords flashing, darting aside as ice flew towards her as Ichiko laughed with delight._

_“This is it…this feeling,” she cried, ice dancing around her and Erza growled before closing the distance between them, and Ichiko let out a startled noise when she only just managed to avoid the seeking blade. Eyes narrow she formed her ice into a sword, meeting Erza’s next swing with a triumphant smile as she caught the startled expression on the swordswoman’s face. “I always intended to fight you Titania, so I learnt everything that I needed to,” she explained before breaking off, taking a quick breath before charging once more, the ice blade slicing Erza’s cheek before she was able to force it away with her own sword._

_Erza sprang back for a moment, but Ichiko wasn’t going to give her the chance to regroup and followed instantly, and Erza found herself on the defensive. As she fought to find an opening in the onslaught she had to admit that she was impressed with the other’s skill, even Gray who often sparred against her with his own ice swords was nowhere near this level, although he didn’t have the same motivation as this woman. Still, there was no way that she could afford to lose this battle, and as she felt the ice blade catch the material part on her arm, she knew that she was going to have to get even more serious. Blocking the blade as it shot towards her face, she pushed more of her magic into the swords forcing Ichiko to go flying back through the air._

_“You’re talented I’ll give you that,” Erza admitted easily, feeling no shame in acknowledging a strong opponent, even one that had hurt her teammates. Then her expression hardened. “But it won’t be enough to save you. Requip!”_

_She didn’t even wait for the glow of her magic to fade, springing forward with a shout, Benizakura a flash of silver as she closed the distance between them, and with a single slash, she had cut through the ice blade that had come up to try and protect against her. She had to give it to Ichiko though, as the ice mage recovered remarkably quickly throwing ice at her and forcing her to dodge aside once more. Still, she didn’t allow herself to falter, ignoring the damage that they were causing as they clashed._

_“Why…Why are you this strong?” Ichiko cried as she struggled to rise once more, stilling when cold steel pressed against her neck warningly, her eyes wide as she stared up at the red-head now standing over her with a cold expression. “Why…?” My dream should have been within my reach. I am stronger than you, so why are you the one standing over me?_

_“Because of my guild and teammates…because of Natsu,” Erza said softly, glancing back towards the chasm before turning her attention back to the Ice mage on the floor, her expression hardening as she pressed her sword close to Ichiko’s throat. “Taking him was your biggest mistake. Now suffer the consequences!” She shouted, and even as ice flared in a final desperate attempt to shield Ichiko, she lashed out sending the other woman flying into the nearest wall. Ichiko cried out as she landed, making a weak effort to rise before stilling, and Erza let out a relieved sigh before she dropped wearily down onto one knee._

     Sighing she blinked to clear the memory away, knowing better than to linger on fights like that. Besides both Ichiko and her brother were now in custody, with more than enough evidence to make sure that they wouldn’t be a threat to Fairy Tail for a long time. Cautiously, mindful of her other injuries she stretched out cursing the uncomfortable chair releasing Natsu’s hand as she did so, before reaching out to retrieve the book she had abandoned the night before. The doctors were convinced that he should wake up sometime today, and she had no intention of moving from his side until he did.

****

_The flames were all around him, radiating from his body as he laid helplessly in the centre of the inferno, with not even the slightest thread of control over his magic._

_“Lucy? Happy? Where are you?!” He shouted desperately as he staggered to his feet, ignoring his own pain as he glanced around in alarm. They had been trying to get out of danger, but he couldn’t remember if they had managed to get to safety. The air was thick with smoke making it difficult to see, and rendering his sharp nose useless, and so he was reduced to staggering around blindly in search of the others, and he was unsurprised when he went sprawling a couple of minutes later as his foot connected with something soft and warm._

_Gasping with pain he rolled onto his back before struggling into a seated position as he sought out what had made him fall, everything stuttering to a halt as his eyes landed on a familiar pair of figures sprawled limply behind him. He wasn’t sure if it was just his terror making it hard to focus, but neither of them seemed to be breathing let alone moving, and his breath caught in his chest as panic surged through him. “No…No…I can’t have…” He muttered frantically under his breath, desperately willing to them to do something, anything to prove that they were still with him. To show that he hadn’t managed to kill his friends, his family, and after a moment he was rewarded by the faintest twitch of movement from the Celestial mage, and he immediately scooted closer to her side._

_“Natsu…why?” Lucy’s eyes were narrow slits as she stared up at him, and Natsu swallowed hard as he took in the accusing expression on her face. His hands were shaking as he reached out to touch her, to do something to soothe the injuries that his own magic had inflicted on her, but she flinched away before he could touch her, hissing at him in disgust. “Don’t touch me!”_

_“Lucy…”_

_“You did this. You could have told us the truth,” she whispered, and Natsu felt himself shattering under the assault of her words, unable to deny the truth of her words, and he could feel his eyes beginning to sting, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away. He deserved to hear these words, even as he felt them beginning to tear him apart from the inside. “Instead you lied, and its killed both of us.” She held his gaze for another moment before her eyes slid shut once more, and this time he knew that the lack of movement wasn’t a lie, and everything shattered around him._

_“No…...!”_

     Natsu jolted awake with his cry still on his lips, making Erza who had been sat beside him reading jump in alarm, the book falling to the ground as she immediately moved to his side. Hesitating only briefly as she took in the tears marring his cheeks before reaching out to grasp his hand tightly, waiting as panicked olive eyes immediately shot towards her, before speaking to him in a soft reassuring voice her previous anger which had been present since the moment they’d found him disappearing in the face of his terror.

“Natsu?”

“Lu…cy…Happ…y?” It was incredibly painful to speak, and he winced at the broken sound of his own voice even as he gripped the hand holding his as tightly as possible. _Please. Please don’t let it be true…please…_ Part of him knew that she wouldn’t have been able to look so calm and collected if they were gone, but it was impossible to think rationally with the terror and panic still flooding his body, and he wanted to sob as she seemed to hesitate for a moment before responding. _No. No…_

“They’re injured, but they’re going to be fine.”

    Natsu froze as her words washed over him, taking a moment to break past the wall that his swirling panic had caused, and when they did he slumped back against the pillow, raising his free hand to cover his eyes as his tears turned to ones of relief. _A dream. It was just a dream…_ He chanted in his mind, but it didn’t distract him from the knowledge that it could have been reality, that he had come so close to killing his own friends, and he hadn’t missed the first part of Erza’s words. _I hurt them…_ He drew in on himself at that though, tugging his hand free of Erza’s despite the way she tried to hold onto him, but he couldn’t even bring himself to look at her.

“Natsu?”

“I’m so...rry,” he managed to force out, and her expression softened slightly and before he could protest she had reached out and wrapped him in a gentle hug, and he stiffened in her hold. _Why? Why are you hugging me? I nearly killed them…I…_

“Easy,” Erza soothed as she felt him beginning to tremble in her hold, realising that their discussion would have to wait as he was in a state to talk let alone take a scolding, and she couldn’t help but wonder what he had been dreaming about. “Everyone’s fine, and you’re safe now. Everything else can be dealt with later,” she added, guessing what thoughts were going through his mind as he continued to try and pull himself free and from the way, he tensed at her words she guessed that she had managed to hit the nail on the head. However, even as she began to gently card her fingers through his hair, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering why he had kept it secret if he was only going to react like this when something went wrong.

_Oh,_ _Natsu…_

**

 “Hey Natsu,” Lucy greeted him quietly as she slipped into the room, she had been relieved when Erza had come through to tell them that the Dragon-slayer was awake, although it was clear that the older girl had been somewhat shaken and she wondered what had happened as Erza had warned her not to ask about what had happened. _Although that’s what we really need to know!_

    However, as she took in Natsu’s listless response and pale face with its dark circles, she found herself more willing to comply with Erza’s request, especially when she realised that he was doing his best to avoid meeting her gaze. Sighing she moved stiffly across the room, feeling him studying her even though he didn’t appear to be looking at her, and as she caught the stifled gasp, she knew that he was taking in her injuries.

“I’m fine,” she added softly as she dropped into the seat beside his bed, now able to see the guilt lurking in his gaze as his eyes flickered towards her, and her anger disappeared altogether as she reached out to grasp his hand lightly as she tried to reassure him. “Really.”

“But…” Natsu trailed off, unable to continue as it would mean admitting to what was going on with his magic, and he caught the disappointment that flickered briefly across her face when she realised that he wasn’t going to tell her. “I…I’m sorry.”

_Sorry for not telling you…for hurting you…for nearly killing you…_

**

    Happy slipped quietly into the room, pausing briefly to listen to the steady breathing coming from the bed before cautiously making his way across to the bed, not wanting to wake his partner from his much-needed rest. However, just as he reached the seat that Lucy had been occupying a few minutes before the Dragon-slayer shifted, only a slight intake of breath indicating that the movement had caused him pain, and the Exceed found himself frozen in place as sharp, olive eyes met and held his gaze.

“I thought I told you to get out of there…?” Natsu’s voice was low, clearly trying to make sure that the others couldn’t overhear them if they nearby, but there was no mistaking the anger hidden beneath the concern and fear in his voice and the Exceed sighed before jumping onto the seat so that he was at eye level with the Dragon-slayer.

“You did,” Happy admitted softly, his eyes growing moist as he added in a shaky voice. “But we could hear how much pain you were in! There was no way we could leave you like that!” He had been all set to drag Lucy out of there, knowing that was the responsible thing to do, and that it was what Natsu had wanted as well. Then the Dragon-slayer had cried out in pain, his voice reaching them even over the deafening roar of the flames and without a word they had both turned back for him.

“You should have!” Natsu hissed, barely managing to stop himself from shouting at Happy as frustration rose in his chest, _they came back for such a stupid reason?!_ No matter how bad the situation had seemed, he knew that the flames themselves wouldn’t have hurt him, all he had needed to do was ride and out the outburst and then deal with the pain that came afterwards. Instead, they had risked themselves, making the entire situation worse as there was no way he was going to be able to convince the others not to press the matter. He knew that Erza had only managed to bite her tongue because he was still somewhat out of it, as soon as she was satisfied that he was fully conscious then he knew that he would be facing an interrogation.

“And you should have told the others the truth about what’s been happening with your magic!” Happy retorted heatedly, the stress of having Natsu disappear, only to reappear as his magic went out of control again loosening his control over his temper and tongue. Although he regretted the sharpness of his words as Natsu flinched away from, olive eyes wide with shock and hurt as he stared at the Exceed, having never heard that particular tone from his partner before.

“I…”  He trailed off knowing that he didn’t really have an argument against that, but he wanted to point out that the situation was worse because of their actions. _It wouldn’t have mattered if you two had actually got to safety. It didn’t matter as long as it was just me that was being affected._ However, even though he believed that he couldn’t bring himself to voice it aloud, knowing that it would only hurt the Exceed.

“Natsu - you were captured and nearly died because of this,” Happy pointed out softly, the previous flash of temper completely gone as he reached out and cautiously gripped one of Natsu’s bandaged hands, waiting for the Fire mage’s gaze to reluctantly meet his once more. “And, if the worst had happened to us, what would you have done?”

“I…” _I would have fallen apart…_

“It’s okay,” Happy deflated completely as he caught the emotions in Natsu’s, knowing that it had been cruel to ask that. _As if any of us could ever doubt how you’d react._ “But this can’t go on Natsu,” he added gravely, knowing that it had got to a stage where it couldn’t be ignored any longer. Even though deep down he realised they had passed that stage long ago, regret creeping in for his promise to hold his peace.  If anything he was just as guilty as the Dragon-slayer for what had happened, although he doubted that Natsu would be able to see it like this.

“I know,” Natsu admitted softly. “But not yet…”

“Natsu!”

“Please….” _I can’t deal with anything else right now,_ he wanted to add but held back the words, reluctant to appear even weaker than he currently did. Happy studied him for a long moment, it was true that Natsu looked far more stressed than he had ever seen him before, but he was hesitant to drop the issue in case the Dragon-slayer tried to bury it again. Then he remembered how Erza had warned Lucy not to push the issue, which must have meant that something had happened when Natsu first woke up, as she was even more eager to find out what was going on than the rest of them and finally he let out a soft sigh and nodded.

“But only for now. You can’t keep ignoring this.”

“I know…Thank you,” Natsu replied wearily around a wide yawn, relief written across his face as he looked at the Exceed with a weak attempt at a grateful smile.

“Get some more rest,” Happy ordered softly after a moment, feeling a fresh spark of concern when all Natsu did was nod quietly in agreement before burying himself under the covers. The Dragon-slayer was never this compliant when it came to being in hospital, and it made him uneasy, and he just hoped that when the others tried to talk to him about what was going on Natsu would finally allow himself to reach out to them. _I’m not sure I can keep this secret for much longer if he doesn’t…_ However, he knew better than to say that aloud and instead he settled in to watch over his partner as Natsu quickly drifted off into a restless slumber.

****

The next day:

    Natsu sighed as he rolled onto his side, barely stifling a curse as his ribs protested the moment. He was on his own for the time being, but as Happy had been chased away an hour ago he had a feeling that one of the others would be appearing soon to talk to him, and he still didn’t know what to say. Even as stubborn as he was, he knew that the current situation couldn’t go on, as he had been incredibly lucky that he hadn’t managed to kill his friends or wind up dead himself, but he still didn’t want to tell them the truth. _Especially when I don’t know what the truth is myself._ The fact that his magic had actually failed him completely this time round scared him, and the thought of how they would look at him when he told them what was going on made him want to hide away.

   He was still stewing over what he was going to say ten minutes later when there was a soft knock on the door, and he immediately tensed, olive eyes widening as Erza’s voice rang out.

“Natsu are you awake?”

“Yes,” Natsu replied softly, deciding that there was no point in hiding from the coming confrontation especially as all it would do was fan her temper. Gingerly he eased himself into an upright position as Erza slipped into the room, offering her a wan smile even as he noted that she was still wearing her standard armour. More recently she had taken to visiting them in the infirmary without armour, and he knew the change didn’t bode well, nor did the glint in her eyes as she studied him, despite the concern that was written across the rest of her face as she moved across to claim the seat beside his bed.

“How are you feeling?” She asked softly as she made herself comfortable, but there was a warning tone to her voice that warned him that his go-to response of ‘ _I’m fine’_ would not be acceptable at the moment, and with a sigh, he leant back on his pillows.

“Like I came off worse in a fight, I’m sore and tired, but I’ll be back on my feet before you know it,” he finished lightly, knowing that at least that much was true. He always healed fairly quickly and even his magic being out of sorts he doubted that would change. Seeing the doubtful look that Erza levelled at him, he offered her a small, but strained smile. “Seriously I’ll be fine.” _I hope…_ She looked sceptical for a moment longer, before sighing and turning her gaze away from him and he found himself letting out a barely audible sigh of relief. _Even after being on a team together she’s still terrifying…_

“Natsu…”

“Yeah?”  Natsu asked warily, troubled by the fact that she seemed to be deliberately keeping her gaze away from him for the moment, noting the way her hands were clenched in her lap as though she was barely resisting reaching out to hit him and he swallowed hard already knowing where this conversation was going. _She probably will hit me before the end of it…_

“I want you to tell me what the hell is going on.” It wasn’t a question, but a command and the Dragon-slayer felt himself instinctively opening his mouth to reply, but as soon as he realised what was happening, he snapped his mouth shut once more. There was no way that this was going to end well, _but I can’t tell them yet, not until I have some answers._

“Nothing…there’s nothing going on,” his voice broke slightly in the middle, and he cringed, biting his lip painfully as she finally raised her head to stare at him, and he could practically feel the power radiating off her. “I was careless that’s all,” he added, deciding that it would be better to admit to that much at least, hoping to at least divert her interest, even if it meant facing her wrath.

“Yes, you were,” Erza admitted easily, not about to let herself get distracted, and she saw his expression fall as she added heatedly. “But this wasn’t just recklessness!” _I could forgive you if it were just that,_ they had long since become accustomed to his recklessness both in terms of damage and his own safety, learning to adjust and prepare for it as the situation called for it. _But this is something more…_

“It was.”

“Natsu!” This time she made no attempt to keep her voice down, even though she was aware that the rest of their team were hovering outside.  “Even before coming on this job we knew that something was going on, but we trusted you to tell us if it was something serious. But you didn’t, and because of that you put everyone in danger.” She hated saying that to him, knowing that he usually was the one doing his utmost to keep everyone safe. However, it was clear that he wasn’t just going to give her the answers she needs, and she was willing to do whatever it took to work out what was wrong. _Please, Natsu - we just want to help you!_

“I-I know,” Natsu stammered, feeling his eyes beginning to burn under the force of her words. _Damn it Erza do you think that I don’t know that?_ Yet he couldn’t bring himself to be angry with her, knowing that she was motivated by a desire to help him, _but it’s not that simple._  “But…”

“But?” Erza demanded incredulously, slightly stunned that her previous words hadn’t been the final push that they needed to get through to him, and this time she made no move to hide the hurt in her voice as she continued harshly. “We’re your teammates if not your friends, and you should have told us!” It hurt to say that, as she knew that they went far beyond teammates, and she could see the answering flickering of pain in Natsu’s face as he hesitated, and she leant forward hopefully, _was that what it needed?_   “Please Natsu, tell me what’s going on so that I can help.”

    Natsu hesitated as he stared at her. The idea that she would even doubt their friendship had never once crossed his mind, and he found himself floundering as her words echoed in his mind. _Of course, you’re my friends…your my family, but that doesn’t make it easier to tell you…_ He knew that he should tell her even though he didn’t really have a clue about what was going on, that he owed it to all of them after screwing up the job completely and getting them hurt, and ...

   He shook his head slightly, and his gaze dropped down to his hands, realising that he was trembling once again, and he swallowed hard as he realised that his magic was slowly starting to stir in response to his agitation. _I have to end this and calm down. I can’t have an outburst here. But…_ If he refused, he knew that it was going to end badly and yet he couldn’t tell her…not yet. “I can’t,” he choked out eventually, not able to bring himself to look at her.

    Erza was stunned by the refusal, hurt and anger flooding her, even though she could see how much it was costing him to hold against her. Never once had he managed to stand up to her before, even Gray had done better on that front than he had, and that reinforced her worry about how dangerous this secret that he was clinging to was. However, at that moment the anger and hurt were outweighing her worry and sympathy for him, especially when he didn’t even bother to look at her as he refused to tell the truth and with a low snarl she shot to her feet. At once he looked up, fear appearing briefly in his eyes before he forced a mask of determination onto his face.

“Fine…” She said coldly as she raised herself to her full height, and Natsu fought the urge to flinch away from her gaze, despite the fear gripping him as he realised that he had never heard her sound so furious with him before. “If you refuse to trust us with this, then I’m afraid that you are not allowed to come on any jobs with us for the foreseeable future.” She struggled not to show her own dismay at the words coming from her mouth, especially as she caught the hurt expression on his face, but she forced herself to remain firm.

“What…?”

“Our team works because we trust each other,” Erza replied sternly, catching his flinch this time and knowing that he had caught her point, and she hesitated for a brief second before adding grimly. “I won’t allow that to be destroyed just because of you!” Hurt, guilt and a touch of anger warred for control in his expression, and she waited for him to try and protest the decision, and she was stunned when after a minute he wiped his face clean of emotions and glanced away.

“I understand.” His voice was shaking, and his eyes showed that even though he looked calm, he was actually barely holding himself together and she sighed before nodding grimly in acceptance of his decision, ignoring the part of her that was crying out for her to reach out to him again.

    Realising that there was nothing more to say between them unless she wanted to risk permanently damaging their friendship she turned and headed for the door, swinging it open with more force than necessary when she realised that he wasn’t making any attempt to stop her.

“Erza…” Happy was stood in the doorway, having caught the last bit of their conversations, having been drawn closer by the sound of raised voices. He winced as he saw the fury written across her face, before glancing across at Natsu, his tail drooping as he caught the shocked and hurt expression across his partner’s face, although when their eyes met briefly, he realised that the Dragon-slayer wasn’t actually surprised by how she reacted. _Damn it Natsu, why couldn’t you just tell her?_

“Stay with him,” Erza ordered sternly as she glowered down at the Exceed who quailed under the force of her glare, nodding silently as he scurried into the room and across to join Natsu on the bed, even as the Re-quip mage headed out of the door without another word or glance at the Dragon-slayer.

***

“Natsu you need to tell someone,” Happy whispered after making sure that the door was closed, still shocked by the harsh words that Erza had turned on his partner, although Natsu looked resigned beneath the hurt written across his face. The Exceed peered up at his partner, resting a paw on the Dragon-slayer’s leg and feeling it tremble slightly beneath his touch, not attempting to hide the fear and concern he was sure was written across his face.

“I know,” Natsu replied softly with a defeated expression. That alone worried Happy, but it was the fear that he could see lurking in his partner’s eyes that really bothered him. Natsu was never truly afraid apart from when it came to facing Gildarts, and since then he’d only learnt to embrace that kind of fear to drive himself onwards. Yet this time he couldn’t shake the impression that this fear might just swallow his friend alive. “I know…” Natsu repeated quietly, his hands clenching at his sides as he met Happy’s gaze reluctantly.

    The Exceed had been pushing him to go and speak to either Wendy or Porlyusica about the problem ever since his magic had first begun to play up, but he had been so sure that it was only a temporary thing glitch that he had put off telling anyone again and again. Part of him realising now that he had been afraid. Afraid that they would turn around and tell him that it wasn’t that simple, that there was something seriously wrong with him. His mind flickered briefly to the image of Lucy when she had visited him, swallowing hard as he recalled the bandages covering a large proportion of her body, cuts and bruises visible elsewhere and he knew that there was no way he could continue to ignore the issue. Not when he had got to the point where he was endangering his friends.

“We could get Wendy,” Happy suggested hopefully, relieved that Natsu was finally willing to listen to reason although he hadn’t missed the worried glance and he knew that the Dragon-slayer was blaming himself for what had happened earlier. _You should be worried for yourself not others,_ yes Lucy had ended up more injured that she might have been if Natsu’s magic hadn’t flared out, but she was going to be fine. He wasn’t so sure about Natsu, but he knew better than to mention that worry aloud at the moment especially with Erza’s words still lingering in the air. “She could…”

“No,” Natsu cut across him abruptly shaking his head with a panicked expression, causing the Exceed to narrow his eyes suspiciously at the instant denial. _Was Natsu already changing his mind?_ He thought with a mix of incredulity and annoyance, and he was about to scold the Dragon-slayer when Natsu continued in a softer tone. “Not Wendy…I’ll speak to Gramps after we get home.”

   Happy stared searchingly at his partner, surprised by that choice as he would have thought that it would be easier to speak to the younger Dragon-slayer. However, he could see that Natsu meant what he was saying and as long as he was actually going to talk to someone the Exceed wasn’t going to complain. However, he wasn’t entirely sure that he could trust Natsu to go through without, especially after he’d been putting it off for so long and so he straightened, fixing his partner with a stern glare that made Natsu shift uneasily.

“Do you promise that you’ll talk to him?”

“Huh?” Natsu blinked at the question before frowning, hurt that Happy doubted his word although he knew that he couldn’t really blame him. How many times had he said that he was going to talk to someone about what was happening only to never go through with it? _Too many, and that’s why everything is such a mess right now…_ He was honest enough to known that the current situation was of his own making, it was why he hadn’t put up a protest at Erza’s decision. Besides if they were apart they would at least be safe from him and his wayward magic.

“Do you promise that you’ll tell the Master what’s going on?” Happy repeated with a hint of steel in his voice, his gaze never shifting from Natsu before he added in a slightly gentler voice. “You’ve been hiding this for so long, I don’t want you to chicken out later.” Before all of this, he knew that it would have been inconceivable that Natsu would back away from anything, but there was something about this that scared Natsu to the point where he seemed willing to throw everything away to avoid it, and Happy couldn’t let that continue.

“I wouldn’t!” The Dragon-slayer protested instinctively, his temper flaring for the briefest second at the idea of being called a coward but then he subsided as he saw the worry tempering Happy’s sternness and he sighed, bowing his head in defeat. He couldn’t afford to lose Happy as well. Being alone scared him more than anything, and with that thought, he sighed and whispered quietly.  “But…I promise.”

“Thank you,” Happy said, his expression relaxing immediately as he knew that there was no way that the Dragon-slayer would go back on his word. Studying Natsu he realised that his partner was still a lot paler than normal, and he looked absolutely exhausted even though his injuries weren’t the worst he’d ever had.  And he’d had plenty of rest since he’d first woken up, and he only added that to his list of worried observations that he had been collecting since they’d returned from the Celestial Spirit World. “You should get some more rest. You still look really pale, and I think that Erza wants us to take the train back in the morning.” Natsu’s face immediately took on a greenish hue at the mere thought of having to get on a train again, and Happy smiled sympathetically up at him even as he shook his head. _Only Natsu._ He hadn’t missed the flash of pain at the mention of the red-head, but he wasn’t about to try and deal with that newest hurt right now.

    Realising that the Exceed had a point, and finally acknowledging the exhaustion he could feel pressing in on him he shifted himself so that he was lying on the bed, biting his lip to hold back a groan as he pulled on his injuries as he tilted his head so that he could look at Happy.

“Don’t tell the others…let me talk to Gramps first…” he pleaded softly and Happy sighed slightly, still troubled by Natsu’s refusal to confide in their closest friends, but in the end, he nodded all the same knowing that forcing the matter wouldn’t help at the moment. Even though he desperately wanted to fix their team before it broke to a point where the truth wouldn’t be enough to reunite them. “Promise?”

“I promise,” Happy reassured him earning a weak smile from the Dragon-slayer which helped to ease the knot in his chest, and he smiled back before carefully moving forward to pull the covers properly over his partner although he knew that the Fire mage didn’t actually need them. “Go to sleep,” he ordered as he realised that Natsu was still fighting against the urge, and with a small pout, Natsu nodded before snuggling down under the covers as he let his eyes drift shut. His breathing easing out swiftly and Happy sighed with relief, knowing that his partner had been struggling to rest properly for the past few weeks and quietly he settled himself down beside Natsu, determined to make sure that nothing got the chance to disturb him.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

    Gray sighed softly as he sank back in his seat, glancing across at Erza who was staring stonily out of the window, her usual slice of strawberry cheesecake lying untouched on the table in front of them. She had barely spoken to any of them since her ‘discussion’ with Natsu the day before, and she had refused point blank to even so much as look at the Dragon-slayer since then. He exchanged a brief worried look with Lucy who had reluctantly taken the seat beside the angry redhead as Wendy had been trembling at the mere thought of it, none of them knowing what would set Erza’s temper off in its current state. The Celestial mage sighed and shrugged before turning her attention back to her book, clearly hoping to avoid attracting Erza’s attention.

   Shaking his head, the Ice mage let his gaze wander across to the booth on the other side of the aisle, Natsu hadn’t even attempted to try and sit with them when they got on the train, although Gray took hope from the fact that he had at least remained relatively close. He frowned slightly as he watched Happy trying to soothe the Dragon-slayer who was curled up on one of the seats, his arms wrapped around his stomach as he struggled to hold back the urge to throw up, his face pale and strained. The Ice mage hesitated for a long moment, while he didn’t exactly disagree with what Erza had decided the day before, he didn’t like seeing Natsu suffering on his own, after all, what right did they have to be demanding that he tell them the truth if they pushed him away?

    Finally reaching a decision, he got to his feet and began to edge out of the booth, only to freeze as armoured fingers wrapped around his wrist and biting his lip he tilted his head to find Erza staring at him with stern eyes.

“Gray?”

“I’m not going against your decision,” he replied softly after a moment, and something relaxed in her expression. “But I’m not going to leave him to sit on his own,” he added as he met her gaze without hesitation, daring her to try and stop him, although he knew that he would come off worse if she decided to take that dare.

“But…” Erza began to protest before cutting herself off, her gaze flicking across to Natsu for a moment and he saw the worried expression that flickered over her face, and he knew that he had won even before she turned back to him a sigh. “Fine…” Slowly she peeled her fingers off his wrist and with a small smile of thanks Gray slipped out past the others, nodding in acknowledgement as Lucy’s fingers brushed his arm on the way past.

    Quietly he crossed the aisle and stepped into the other booth, swallowing as he realised that the Dragon-slayer looked even worse up close and trying to offer Happy a reassuring smile when the Exceed glanced up at him in worry. The little Exceed had refused to be dragged into Erza’s decision, not that any of them had expected any different as it was clear that he was helping Natsu keep his secret. Just as it was clear from the careful way, he was watching Gray’s every move that he thought the Ice mage might be there to try and demand answers. Ignoring the suspicious look the Ice mage crouched down beside Natsu, waiting until dazed looking olive eyes rose to meet his gaze, frowning as he realised that the Fire mage actually looked somewhat afraid and he couldn’t help but wonder how much damage Erza’s words had done.

“Hey Natsu,” he greeted softly, pushing that thought away to be dealt with later, his gaze shifting down to the bandages peeping out from under Natsu’s vest. Because there was potentially something going on with his magic no one had dared to magically treat his injuries, although Wendy had practically been begging them to let her help him, and so he was still nursing broken ribs as well as the numerous other cuts and bruises from the fight. He winced in sympathy realising that Natsu’s current position couldn’t be helping with the pain, especially from his ribs. “Can you sit up a little, that can’t be good for your ribs.” Happy looked surprised at his worried words, and after a moment the Exceed moved back slightly with an expectant look in his eyes as he stared at Gray.

“It doesn’t matter…”

“Of course it does,” Gray retorted sharply, resolutely ignoring the worried looks he could feel coming from across the aisle, instead focusing on the surprised expression on Natsu’s face. _Idiot, do you think just because we’re mad at you for keeping secrets, that we wouldn’t worry about you? That we don’t care?_ Still, he didn’t voice any of that, instead leaning forward and gently helping to ease Natsu into a semi-upright position despite the Fire mage’s protests. “Be quiet,” he ordered sternly, glaring Natsu into submission before rising and slipping into the space that he had created, noting with concern that he wasn’t being overwhelmed by the heat like he usually would be, but choosing not to comment on it although he would certainly mention it to Erza later. Instead, he tugged insistently until Natsu gave in and allowed himself to be guided down so that his head rested in the Ice mage’s lap, grumbling when Gray reached out and gently straightened his body out so that he wasn’t curled up.

“Why?” Natsu asked softly as he peered up at Gray, unable to deny that this position was more comfortable, or that the chill that the Ice mage always let off was soothing. However, the others had carefully avoided him all morning. Not that he could blame them after catching the scary expression on Erza’s face when she had all but shoved his ticket into his hand, striding off without another word or even glance in his direction, and he had resigned himself to the thought that the others would be treating him the same. “Erza…”

“I’m not disagreeing with what she said yesterday,” Gray cut him off quietly, catching the pain that flashed through olive eyes before the Dragon-slayer managed to conceal it. His eyes narrowed at the reaction, and he hesitated for a moment, hoping that maybe Natsu would decide to open up after all. _If it’s hurting you this much, why don’t you just tell us?_ Natsu glanced away after a moment, and the Ice mage let out a disappointed sigh before continuing quietly.  “But, you’re hurt, and I don’t like leaving you on your own.”

“Happy’s here,” Natsu pointed out glancing across at Happy who had settled on the opposite bench, watching over both them with a hopeful expression, and the Exceed smiled weakly at his words.

“I know,” Gray replied as he also glanced at the Exceed, catching the worry beneath the terse smile, and wondering just how Natsu had managed to get Happy to agree to keep his secret. The cat had always been willing to blurt stuff out in the past, especially if it was something that they really needed to know, but this time he was silent even though it was clear that he wanted to say something. “But I was worried, so let me just sit here alright?” _Not that I have any intention of moving even if you say no,_ he thought to himself.

“’Kay….” Natsu agreed after a moment, feeling that he should push the other mage away, but reluctant to escape the comfort that he was being offered.  “Just don’t get into trouble because of me. I don’t want that…” The situation was bad enough without others getting dragged into the mess, it was bad enough that Happy was already getting caught up in it. Gray let out a sigh of relief at the agreement, choosing to ignore the last bit as he settled down slightly, hand moving to run through messy pink hair as he recalled Lucy and Wendy doing that before to ease his sickness since Erza’s usual method was out of the question when he was already injured.

     Natsu hummed softly, somewhat embarrassed that it was his rival taking care of him in this manner, but unable to deny that it was helping settle his stomach. In fact, it didn’t take long for him to find himself drifting ever closer to sleep, and he nearly jolted out of his skin when Gray spoke up after being completely silent for a few minutes, sleepily peering up at the Ice mage in question.

“Natsu…”  The Ice mage’s voice was somewhat hesitant, and Natsu sighed already knowing where the conversation was heading and carefully avoiding glancing across at Happy, knowing that the Exceed would silently be begging him to speak out even though he had promised to speak to Gramps once they were home. “Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell us?” There was hurt, and longing in his voice and Natsu felt his irritation waning as he caught the genuine concern in the dark eyes that met his and he let out a sigh before glancing away.

“Maybe,” He allowed softly, feeling the quiver of anticipation that went through the Ice mage and feeling bad for the fact that he was going to let him down, and he twisted so that he could hide his face against the Ice mage to avoid seeing that expression as he whispered.  “But I can’t, not yet at least…” _Please, Gray, don’t push the issue…_

“Alright,” Gray said finally after a moment, drawing hope from the ‘not yet’ as it at least implied that the Dragon-slayer was planning on telling them at some point rather than his outright refusals from the day before. Not that it really helped the current situation, as he knew that it wasn’t going to be enough to mollify Erza at the moment, and truthfully he had been hoping for a little more at least.  “I don’t like it, but I’ll wait.” _It’s not like I have much choice,_ he added silently to himself, feeling Natsu relaxing slightly at his words before the Fire mage pulled back just for a moment to whisper quietly.

“Thank you.”

**

    It was early evening by the time they finally got back to Magnolia, and Gray reluctantly roused Natsu who had fallen into an uneasy sleep an hour before, carefully helping him to his feet and ignoring his protests that he didn’t need the help. Piling off the train, the Ice mage was happy to spot Lucy passing the Dragon-slayer his bag with the faintest hint of a smile on her face, although it disappeared quickly as Erza stomped past. The red-head only sparing Natsu the briefest of glances and they could all see the way he shrank in on himself before moving to stand slightly apart from them, Happy at his feet and holding onto his leg with a trembling paw.

“We’re going to the guild…” Erza announced to all of them, although it was clear that it was mainly aimed at Natsu who had taken on a pinched expression. “Because of the damages we had to pay Lucy is still short for her rent, so we’re going to go on a small job,” she continued, and the Dragon-slayer gave a small, dispirited nod before turning away, knowing that he wasn’t included in the ‘we’. Even though he had accepted it and knew that he deserved it, it still hurt far more than he’d been expecting and he blinked rapidly to fight back the burn in his eyes. _I can’t let her see how much it hurts._ Erza seemed a little dismayed by his reaction, and her voice was softer and more uncertain as she turned her attention to Gray who was watching everything with concern.  “We’ll be leaving in the morning if you want to join us?”

   Gray hesitated for a moment, not really liking the idea of leaving the Dragon-slayer behind with only the Exceed for company even if they would just be gone a day or so. There was also the fact that Natsu had given all his share of the reward towards the repairs, which meant that he was probably shorter on Jewels than the rest of them, although he didn’t have rent to worry about.

“It’s fine,” Natsu muttered as he caught the Ice mage glancing at him with worried eyes, briefly raising his gaze to meet Gray’s so that the other teen could see the sincerity in his words, and after a moment the Ice mage sighed and nodded in acceptance.

“All right,” He agreed as he turned back to look at Erza who was waiting expectantly, rubbing the back of his head as he finally admitted sheepishly.  “I’m a little short as well.” She nodded in acceptance, her gaze shifting briefly towards Natsu although the Dragon-slayer didn’t notice as he’d turned to look down at Happy with a somewhat conflicted expression.

“Happy, you should go with them,” he said after a moment, and the Exceed blinked before turning his head to stare up at Natsu with an incredulous expression, but Natsu continued before he could voice a protest.  “I’m sure you could stay with Wendy tonight…?” He trailed off uncertainly as he glanced towards her as he realised that he couldn’t just rely on that, she hesitated for a moment, glancing nervously at Erza before nodding and offering him a weak smile.

“Of course.”

“What?” Happy demanded as he finally found his voice, his eyes narrow as he glared up at his partner even as he furiously shook his head.  “No way, you’re still injured and…” _And you might have another incident,_ he nearly added only just stopping himself from blurting it out as he caught the suddenly panicked expression on Natsu’s face.

“I’m going to talk to Gramps tomorrow morning,” Natsu whispered, crouching down with a pained hiss so that the others wouldn’t be able to listen to this bit, trembling slightly from the near miss as he added softly.  “I won’t break my word.”

“But…”

“Please,” Natsu pleaded, feeling awful for trying to push the Exceed away, especially after he had stood with him despite the Dragon-slayer’s stubbornness. However, he had a bad feeling about how the conversation with Gramps was going to be, and he didn’t want to risk taking it out the loyal Exceed, at least this way he would have a little time to deal with whatever the Old man had to say.  Of course, he couldn’t actually explain that, because if he did then Happy would adamantly refuse to leave and so all he could do was stare pleadingly at the Exceed.

“Okay…” Happy agreed finally, not liking the situation at all, but easily able to tell that this was something that Natsu desperately wanted. It helped a little that he had caught the honesty in his partner’s voice when he had mentioned keeping his word. “Just take care of yourself…” He added weakly, and Natsu nodded at once, the relief evident in his expression as he rose once more and took a step back and the Exceed had to fight hard to stop himself from following.

“Good luck on the job guys,” Natsu said with forced cheer as he glanced at the others, his gaze lingering for a moment on Erza who carefully avoided meeting his gaze before sighing as he picked up his pack with a wince, turning away without another word and heading out of the station.

“I don’t like this,” Gray muttered under his breath moving to stand next to Happy as they watched the Dragon-slayer pass out of sight, crouching down and laying a supportive hand on the Exceed’s head as his ears drooped. Happy glanced up at him, and his eyes were suspiciously damp as he nodded slightly and added a soft.

“Aye…”

****

    Natsu was breathing heavily by the time he’d made up the small hill to his house, his ribs throbbing dully in time with each breath and he had to lean against the porch for a moment to try and catch his breath before fumbling around for the key. Finally stumbling inside he sighed with relief, as the quiet and isolation of the place washed over him. At least here he wouldn’t be able to put anyone else at risk, something he had been terrified of all the way home on the train…if he had lost control then. He swallowed hard at the thought, frantically shaking his head to try and chase the image away, abandoning his bag as he headed into the living room.

“I’m home,” he whispered quietly to the empty house as he dropped heavily onto the couch, wincing as he jolted his injuries, and sighing as he realised that the usual relief of being in his home wasn’t there. Everything tainted by what had happened - what could have happened. While Lucy and Happy had been healed back at the hospital, he hadn’t missed the way that Lucy had flinched minutely when she passed him his rucksack at the station, although he doubted that the others would have noticed. She might not know what had happened or what was going on with his magic, but she clearly remembered the fear that she had felt during the explosion, and his heart was heavy at the thought of one of his best friend’s being afraid of him.

  _I have to speak to Gramps…_

    The thought of actually telling someone about what was going on was daunting, especially after he had kept it secret for so long, but he knew that Happy was right. And he couldn’t risk the possibility that the rest of his team. _Ex-team -_ his mind reminded him unhelpfully, and he flinched at the thought - might get caught up in another outburst. They had been lucky this time, but they couldn’t just rely on luck again. Unfortunately knowing all of that did little to alleviate the growing bubble of fear in his chest, but he knew that this time he couldn’t chicken out.

_I promised…_

****

    Natsu was utterly exhausted as he headed for the guild the following day. Between the lingering pain of his injuries, and the bubble of fear that had swelled until he could think of little else he had managed little more than an hour or two of broken sleep. As he made his way slowly along the path, he fiddled with the end of his scarf, a nervous habit that he had cast aside years before. He hoped that the others would have already left on their job, knowing that if they knew he was going to talk to the Old man, they would insist on hanging around. Or demand to know why Makarov could know and they couldn’t, and he lacked the energy or willpower to deal with those arguments at the moment. It didn’t help matters that his magic seemed more active than usual underneath his skin, and he just hoped that he could hold it together long enough to get this over with. _Although he wouldn’t be able to doubt me if I burn down his office,_ he thought with a slightly hysterical giggle slipping free, not that he really thought the old man would disbelieve him especially as Erza had probably filled him in on what little she knew.

    His pace slowed even further as he entered Magnolia, wary of being in such a public place when he had the potential for another outburst and feeling a fresh surge of fear as his eyes landed on the distant spires of the guild building. _What if it is really serious?_ He knew that it couldn’t be anything good, as he had never heard of another mage going through what he was experiencing, and there was a small but ever-growing voice in the back of his mind that whispered that maybe this wasn’t fixable. As that thought slipped into his mind, he very nearly turned on his heels and headed home. He didn’t want to hear those words. _But I promised Happy, and maybe just maybe it is fixable…_ He would be an idiot if he ran away now, only to later find that there was a ridiculously easy solution.

_Only I don’t really believe that…_

   He forced himself to continue on his way, knowing that if nothing else he couldn’t break his word to Happy. Besides it really did hurt that the others had gone off a job behind him, and at least if he had a better idea of what was going on, he might be able to work out how to tell them…and how to fix things between them. At least he hoped that was possible, although after Erza’s behaviour he wondered if she would even be willing to forgive him when he did tell her what was going on. At least the others seemed willing to try and keep their team together in some way, and once things were more settled he knew that he would have to pay Gray back, having been unable to tell the Ice mage how much it had actually meant to have him beside him on the train despite Erza’s disapproval.

_I have to fix all this…_

**

   Mira hummed softly to herself as she got the bar ready for the start of the day, although she found that her heard wasn’t really in it. She had been relieved when Erza and the others had returned the night before, as she had found herself unable to push aside her concern over Natsu’s odd behaviour while they were away. However, that relief had rapidly disappeared when she’d realised that the pink-haired Dragon-slayer wasn’t with them, and completely forgetting her usual greetings she rushed across to them, demanding to know where he was. Erza had refused to reply instead moving across to the request board as though she hadn’t asked, in the end, it had been Gray who had taken her aside and explained what was going on. It had taken all her willpower not to yell at them, even though her more rational side could see where they were coming from. And yet her heart had gone out to Natsu as he was all on his own in this, even if it was mainly his own choice.

    Sighing she glanced down, realising that she had been stood there polishing the same glass for goodness knows how long and she hastily set it onto the bar. _What has got into me?_ While she always worried about her guild-mates, it never usually bothered her to this extent, although Natsu had always been a special case. When they were younger, she had been interested in the boy that had become Lisanna’s best friend, and later he had been the one to help her pick herself up after her sister’s apparent death, but now…she didn’t know what it was, but she couldn’t ease the worry in her chest. The rest of his team had already left on another job, even though she had been hoping that they weren’t really going to go without him and there still hadn’t been any sign of the Dragon-slayer although he was usually at the guild reasonably early when he wasn’t on a job.

   Forcing herself to focus on the task at hands she began to stack up the glasses she had been cleaning, mentally making a note of all the stuff she would need to order before they ran out. Cana was scary when they ran low on alcohol, and even Makarov could get grumpy if they ran out of his favourite ale, a small smile tugged at her lips, comforted by the normality although the worry for Natsu lingered in the back of her mind.

    She was just about to head into the kitchens to get stuff started there when she heard the front door creaking open, and she turned around with a smile only to freeze as her gaze landed on Natsu as he slipped inside. He had looked somewhat unwell and unhappy the last time she had seen him, but now he looked a hundred times worse. His face pale and strained and even from here she could see the bandages and plasters on his torso, and she wanted nothing more than to run across and check on him but he was giving off strong ‘stay away’ vibes as he glanced around warily.

“Natsu!” She called softly, wincing as he jolted at her voice before turning to look at her with wide eyes, and she bit her lip as she realised just how dull his eyes were at the moment. Then he was straightening and forcing a smile onto his face, and she felt the sudden urge to cry at the sight. Natsu should never have to force that expression.

“Hey Mira,” he greeted with false cheer as he moved slowly towards the bar, her sharp eyes catching the way that he favoured his side, recalling that Gray had mentioned that he wasn’t fully healed and she had to resist the urge to shepherd him straight upstairs into the infirmary. Instead, she offered him a weak attempt at a smile as she tried to mimic his calm, cheerful exterior, although there was a knowing look in his eyes that said she had failed. “Is the Master in?” She blinked at his words, struggling to remember the last time he had addressed Makarov as anything other than Gramps, and that more than anything made her heart plummet. _What is going on with you?_ She wanted to ask, but she got the impression that he wouldn’t welcome the question even if it were made with good intentions.

“Y-yeah,” she stumbled over her own words as she tried to steady herself, taking in a deep breath before gesturing up towards the second floor.  “He’s up in his office doing some paperwork. Do you want me to fetch him?”

“No…I’ll go up,” Natsu said slowly as he followed her gaze, his expression darkening as he turned and headed for the stairs, reluctance evident in every step that he took.

“Um…he didn’t want disturbing.” She knew that Makarov was in the midst of dealing with paperwork, some of it likely from their latest job and she didn’t think that the Dragon-slayer was in any state to be dealing with a scolding at the moment.

“This is important.” Natsu paused to glance back at her, and she fell silent as she took in the solemn expression on his face. She had never seen him look that serious before, and she could feel her worry slowly morphing into fear at the sight of it, and she could only watch quietly as he disappeared up the stairs.

_Natsu…_

****

   Makarov rubbed his temples as he glared down at the papers strewn across his desk, a large proportion of them complaints and requests for compensation for damages caused by his brats. It seemed that he spent more and more of his time nowadays dealing with paperwork, and he found himself missing the days when he could spend a lot more time hanging around the guild-hall, watching as his brats found their feet and grew. _Perhaps I should give more thought to retiring,_ he thought with a sigh as he forced himself to reach out for the newest letter about Natsu’s team and his eyes narrowed as he studied it. Erza had filled him on everything that had happened, and while he wasn’t pleased with how she had handled it, he could understand her reasons.

   He had also noticed that the Dragon-slayer was acting somewhat odd before they left on their job, but he had brushed it off. After all, they had, had an eventful few months and Natsu had been in the centre of everything, even the hyperactive Fire mage might need a bit of time to recharge from all that. Yet her expression and what had happened on the job implied that it was something more serious, and he wanted to groan at the thought of getting Natsu to talk about it. Because as open and forthcoming as the Fire mage was about most things, he absolutely hated worrying others and had a worrying habit of hiding illness and other things until the point of collapse.

    Perhaps he could get Mira or Lisanna to try? They were both closer than most to the Dragon-slayer, but they weren’t on his team and therefore weren’t involved in the current argument, or he could wait for Gajeel to return and see if he could shed some light on the situation. He sighed as he shook his head, well aware that if this was as serious as Erza was making out he couldn’t afford to wait or to rely on the others, but he wasn’t sure how to even go and approach the topic. If Natsu was refusing to tell even his closest friends it was doubtful he would open up to him, and the Fire mage was too stubborn to take well to being ordered to tell him what was happening. _So what do I do?_ He pondered as he forced himself to turn back to his paperwork, hoping that the dull repetitiveness of the task would give his mind time to come up with a solution.

    He had been working for half an hour solid, although he’d come no closer to a solution to his problem and had barely made a dent in the mountain of paperwork demanding his attention when there was a soft, almost nervous knock at the door and he groaned. He’d asked Mira to keep people away in the hopes that he could stay focused and get through this, and she was usually incredibly diligent at protecting his privacy, which could mean that it was important he realised and he reluctantly straightened in his seat and called loudly.

“Come in!” Dark eyes widening as the very object of his words slipped into the room a moment later, and he frowned as he studied the Dragon-slayer who seemed to be carefully avoiding his gaze as he moved into the middle of the room. “Natsu?” He prompted after a couple of minutes of awkward silence had passed, and his frown deepened as Natsu jolted violently at his words before slowly lifting his head to meet his gaze, swallowing slightly as he studied the Fire Mage. _Natsu is afraid?_ He had only seen that expression on the Dragon-slayer’s face a couple of times before, and usually only when the situation was really dire, which only exacerbated the worry that had grown after his conversation with Erza the night before. “Natsu…?”

“Master…. Gramps,” Natsu said hesitantly, swallowing hard as he tried to find the words to say what he needed to say, only the fact that he had promised Happy keeping him rooted in place. He wanted nothing more than to turn on his heels and get out of here, his magic stirring uneasily in his chest, and he clenched his fists tightly as he forced it back before whispering.  “I need your help.”

**

     Mira couldn’t focus on her work, and even as she served drinks and chatted with the other mages beginning to wander in and out of the guild. Her gaze flicking up to the second floor with a worried frown on her face, it had been well over an hour since Natsu had disappeared upstairs and so far there had been no sign of either him or Makarov emerging, and she couldn’t quell the thought that something was very wrong. Why else was the Dragon-slayer so secretive? Pushing away his friends, and looking like he was about to break at any moment.

“Mira-nee! Mira-nee!” She blinked a moment later when she became aware of Lisanna’s voice, realising from the concerned expression on her sister’s face that she must have spaced out for a few minutes and she hastily tried to force a smile onto her face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think that’s my line,” Lisanna said with a scowl, reaching out to take the tray of glasses that she was holding and it was only when she did so that Mira realised that she was trembling slightly and she hastily hid her hands behind her back, before giving a strained laugh.

“ Nothing’s wrong,” Mira replied trying to keep her voice as calm and level as possible, and struggling to stop herself from looking up at the second floor again. As far as she knew Lisanna hadn’t really noticed anything off in Natsu’s behaviour, although they hadn’t really spent much time together recently, the Dragon-slayer frequently out on jobs with his team and her sister pairing up with Elfman as they both worked to increase their magic. _They’ve drifted apart,_ she realised with a mixture of sadness and relief, and she frowned at the latter, before refocusing on her sister as she poked her gently in the side.

“Mira-nee…” Lisanna said warningly with a fierce scowl, her expression showing clearly that she didn’t believe Mira’s words for a moment and the older Take-over mage sucked in a nervous breath. Natsu was keeping this from everyone, and she didn’t want Lisanna worrying when they didn’t even have a clue as to what was really going on, and she let out her breath before straightening and adopting a quiet air of confidence.

“Seriously it’s nothing,” she repeated reaching out and retrieving her tray, relieved to see that her hands were steady this time and her smile felt less strained as she turned away, adding softly.  “I was just daydreaming…” Behind her, she heard Lisanna huff in irritation, and she had to fight back the urge to flinch as her sister’s quiet words reached her ears just before she passed out of range.

“Daydreams don’t make you look like that…”

_No, they don’t…_

**

   It had taken nearly two hours for Natsu to fully explain what had been going on with his magic for the past few months, as he kept freezing and stalling. The concept of actually admitting the truth of his situation to anyone besides Happy was completely foreign by this point, and he hadn’t even told his best friend everything that had been happening with his magic. _How many outbursts did I hide from him? How much pain did I keep concealed so that he wouldn’t worry?_ It helped that Makarov had just sat there and listened with a neutral expression on his face, saving his questions until the end and offering only the gentlest of prompts whenever it became clear that the Dragon-slayer had become too lost in his thoughts. Despite the difficulty of speaking about it and the ever-growing fear in his chest, Natsu found himself feeling lighter than he had been for weeks.

“I-I don’t know what’s going on,” he admitted quietly as he came to the end of his explanation, twisting his hands anxiously in his lap, his gaze fixated on the small fire burning merrily in the fireplace, and trying to ignore the way his own fire was trying to surge forward. Slowly he raised his head once more to look at Makarov seated in the chair opposite him, his calm expression finally beginning to dissolve into one of worry and compassion.  “But, I don’t want to hurt anyone else…so please.”

_Please tell me what this is…tell me why this happening…and how to fix it._

    Makarov was silent for a few minutes, quietly mulling over everything the Dragon-slayer had just told him and carefully working to keep his expression as neutral as possible, although he was aware that some of his emotions had leaked through. Of all the things that he had come up with that might be bothering Natsu, this had never entered even his wildest thoughts, and worse he had no idea of what could be causing it. Certainly, there were occasions where mages lost control of their magic, either during childhood or periods of heightened emotion, something that Natsu was more susceptible to than most due to the nature of his flames, but this was clearly something more. Even during the time, they had been talking he had sensed moments where the teen’s magic had surged despite the fact that his distress, while palpable, was nowhere near a level that should have caused an outburst. There was also the fact that these outbursts actually caused physical pain. He had never heard of a loss of control causing physical pain, aside from damage caused by external factors. _So what is this?_

    The fear that he had spotted earlier was now written openly across Natsu’s face as the Dragon-slayer watched him with wide, pleading eyes and for the first time in years Makarov realised that teen was just that - a teen. No matter what else he had faced and survived, something unknown like this that was affecting everything that he held dear was terrifying, and the idiotic brat had been trying to deal with it mainly on his own for far too long. He had already made a mental note to have a word with Happy, as touching as the Exceed’s loyalty was, this was something that he should have spoken up about weeks if not months ago. _Although Natsu should have trusted us sooner as well…_ Not that he had any intention of scolding him for that just yet, as it was clear that he was in no state for harsh words at the moment.

“G-gramps?”

“I have to admit I’ve never encountered something like this before,” Makarov admitted hesitantly as he realised that his continued silence was only making Natsu more alarmed, although he almost regretted it as he caught the sheer panic that flashed across the Dragon-slayer’s face at his words. A tiny part of him wanting to laugh, as he knew that far too often his brats thought that he knew everything, even though he was still like a mere babe when it came to the true scope of magic. But the urge was quickly suppressed as he leant forward to lay a hand on Natsu’s knee, feeling the minute trembling that he hadn’t noticed before and his heart went out to the frightened Fire mage. Knowing that if he was in his shoes that he would be in a similar if not worse state...

“Then what do I do?” Natsu forced himself to ask, surprised that he managed to get any words out as it felt like he was coming apart inside. At some point, despite the reluctance, he had allowed himself to believe that Makarov would know what to do. That he would have all the answers that the Dragon-slayer had been unable to find on his own, and now that hope was crashing around his ears, he felt himself becoming adrift. “I…”

“We,” Makarov interrupted him firmly as he realised that Natsu’s panic was increasing, refusing to sit back and allow one of his children to fall apart right in front of his eyes. Confused olive eyes met his, and he forced a brief smile. “We will deal with this.” _You idiotic brat, no wonder you’ve been such a mess trying to handle this on your own…_ Even though Natsu had said that he’d spoken to Happy about what was going on, he knew without a doubt that the teen would have sugar-coated everything and put on a brave face when he couldn’t.

“B-but how?”

“We ask for a second opinion from someone who knows far more about magic, and how mages use it than I do,” Makarov replied instantly and without hesitation, and despite himself Natsu felt himself perking up slightly at the certainty in the older man’s voice, hope fluttering weakly in his chest even as he tried to convince himself not to let it. Makarov was relieved to see that Natsu still had it in himself to find hope, having been worried that his failure to provide the answers that he needed would make him afraid to believe that there was anyone else out there who could help. And there was a barely-forced, reassuring smile on his lips when Natsu finally refocused on him before asking in a wavering tone.

“Who?”

“Porlyusica…”

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

    Happy sighed as he stared out of the window, not paying any attention to the quiet conversation going on around him, regretting ever agreeing to come on this job. After all, they had some money saved up if that was actually a problem, and they could always fish and forage for food, they’d done it plenty of times before. _So why did Natsu send me away?_ He didn’t doubt that Natsu would keep his word about talking to their Master, but he couldn’t help but feel that there was something more going on, and he didn’t like the idea of the Dragon-slayer trying to deal without him there. Not that Natsu had even told him everything that was going on…

“Happy?” He was pulled out of his anxious thoughts as he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he turned around to find that Lucy had slipped into the seat beside him while he was distracted. “Are you all right?” She asked with a frown, her eyes soft as she studied him and he glanced aside as he realised that she wasn’t just concerned about him.

“Y-yeah,” he mumbled, flinching when he caught her soft snort of disbelief, peeking up at her with wide eyes before admitting softly. “I’m worried about Natsu…”

“We all are,” Lucy said softly, glancing across at the others who were still discussing the job. Erza seemed slightly calmer than she had been the day before, although when she thought no one was looking her mask would slip, and it was easy to tell that she was still torn between anger and worry. Gray and Wendy were more subdued than usual, and she knew that the former had been reluctant to leave Natsu behind despite their usual rivalry. “Happy…” She turned back to him, waiting until the Exceed nervously raised his head to meet his gaze. “Why won’t you tell us what’s going on?”

“I promised…” Happy replied weakly.

“I know,” Lucy replied quietly, fighting the urge to sigh as she glanced out of the window for a moment, her hands clenching in her lap as she tried to gather her thoughts. “But it’s clearly bothering both of you, so…” _So please tell us!_ She hated knowing that there was something wrong with her friend, but not being able to do anything about it…or even knowing anything more than the fact that something was wrong. It didn’t help that it was the first time the Fire mage had deliberately kept something from her, and she had thought that they were best friends, his secrecy hurting him far more than she had ever thought that it could.

“I want to,” Happy admitted quietly, and she could hear the longing in his voice that had been missing the last time they’d tried to press for answers. So whatever had happened on the previous job must’ve really shaken him if he was being this open. Which made it even more baffling that he wasn’t telling them. No matter how important the promise was, it was clearly hurting both him and Natsu at this point.

“Then…”

“But, we both made each other a promise,” Happy said softly cutting across her words, and she fell silent as she took in the determined expression on his face and the lack of hesitation in his gaze as he met hers. “I trust him to keep his, so I have to keep mine. I’m sorry.” Even if Natsu hadn’t made him promise again, he didn’t think that he would’ve been able to break his words, no matter how much he wanted to.

“Happy…”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” he reassured her, and she blinked, unsure of what to make of the quiet certainty in his words. “That’s why he stayed behind, he needed to talk to Master,” Happy hoped it was safe to admit this much. Not wanting to break his word, but knowing that the others needed to know something at least. Besides he knew one of the main reasons that Natsu had been keeping it secret was because he didn’t have a clue about was happening, and he wanted to have more information before sharing with the others.

   Lucy wasn’t sure what to make of that news, on the one hand, she was relieved that the stubborn Fire mage was actually reaching out for help. While another was a little hurt that Natsu had refused to talk to them, but was willing to talk to someone else. _Although if he’s gone to the Master…_ She swallowed hard; generally, they only needed to seek help from Makarov when things were really bad, the rest of the time it seemed more like he really was their Grandfather _. What the hell is going on with you Natsu?_ Happy knew from the expression on her face that she had cottoned on to how bad the situation was, and he braced himself, half expecting her to renew her questioning. Instead, she fell silent, frowning darkly as she turned her gaze out the window, and he let out a barely audible sigh of relief before turning his own gaze back to the scenery as his thoughts drifted back to Natsu.

_Master,_ _please help Natsu…_

****

   Makarov sighed as he stepped back into his office, only to find that the Dragon-slayer had moved from his huddled position in the armchair although his gaze was now fixated on the small fire burning merrily in the fireplace, a lost expression on his face. It was only when the door clicked shut behind him that Natsu showed any sign of realising he’d returned, jumping slightly before turning to look at him and Makarov quickly offered the younger mage a reassuring smile as he caught the fear lingering in the olive eyes.

“I’ve sent Jet to fetch her so it shouldn’t be too long.” He’d almost had a fight on his hand after making the request as everyone had immediately assumed that there was something wrong with him, and while he’d been touched that they were so concerned about him. It had been difficult to convince them that he just needed to get her advice on something as he hadn’t wanted to mention that it was Natsu that needed her help. Although he was reasonably sure that Mira had some idea of what was going on, as she had been the only one not fussing around him and he had caught her glancing anxiously up towards his office door, and he wondered just how much she knew.

“Thank you,” Natsu whispered giving a weak attempt at a smile before grimacing and turning his gaze back to the fire. Quietly Makarov moved across to sit in the chair opposite, knowing that there was no way he was going to be able to focus on his paperwork until this was resolved, and reluctant to leave the teen alone with his thoughts at the moment. “Do you really think she’ll be able to help?” The quiet question startled him, and he glanced at Natsu, only to find that the Dragon-slayer was carefully avoiding looking at him and he bit his lip as he contemplated how to answer. On the one hand, he wanted nothing more to reassure the teen and give him hope as it was clear that his own lack of knowledge had shaken Natsu, but on the other, he was wary of giving Natsu false hope _. If this isn’t something, Porlyusica can handle_ …He had faith in her abilities, but that was not enough to guarantee that she would or that it would be good news even if she did know what was wrong. “G-gramps?”

“I don’t know,” Makarov admitted reluctantly, catching the small flinch that went through Natsu before the Dragon-slayer wiped his expression clear of emotions. “But I have faith that she will,” he caught the flicker of hope that passed over Natsu’s face, and he leant forward, waiting until the teen glanced at him before continuing in a soft but earnest voice. “She’s never let us down before, and she’s dealt with many things that no one else could’ve healed, so I believe that she’ll be able to help with this.” He needed to believe that because he wasn’t sure what they were going to do if she didn’t have the answers.

“But you’re not certain?”

“No,” Makarov replied honestly, relieved when Natsu didn’t look away this time, and his voice was strong and steady when he continued. “But when have we ever needed to be one hundred per cent certain about anything? I believe in her and you…” The Dragon-slayer had overcome everything thrown at him before, and there was no way he couldn’t do that again, even if this were different than anything they’d had to face before. Especially now that he wasn’t trying to deal with it alone anymore.

“Yeah…” Natsu agreed weakly, wishing that he could summon up the usual strength and belief that those words were supposed to encourage. Still, he desperately wanted to believe them, and he could see the worry in Makarov’s expression, and so he summoned up a small smile and nodded. Makarov could see how strained and forced it was, but he drew strength from the fact that the Fire mage could still produce that kind of expression regardless of how weak it was. He just hoped that Porlyusica would be able to live up to their expectations.

_Please…_

****

   Mira had given up even the pretence of working after Makarov had come down to send Jet to fetch the guild healer, begging Lisanna and Elfman to cover for her while she retreated to the library to try and gather her thoughts. She hadn’t missed the concern in their Master’s eyes when he’d told the speed mage that he was urgent, or how uncomfortable he had been about the way everyone had fussed around him in a panic. And she knew him enough to catch the nervous twitch in the corner of his eye when he said it was just so he could confer with Porlyusica. He was lying, and it wouldn’t be urgent if he just wanted to chat with her, especially as he would generally let the healer dictate when and where they would meet up for chats, as she was notoriously touchy and preferred her solitude for the most part. _So it has to be bad if he’s dragging her here_ …

   She believed him when he’d insisted that he was fine and that it wasn’t for him, but that didn’t offer her any comfort, because Natsu was still up there with him and she just knew that it had something to do with the Dragon-slayer. The temptation to go up and try to discover what was happening was strong and growing by the second, but the fact that Natsu had obviously been hiding whatever was bothering him stopped her from giving in to the urge, although it did little to stop her mind from rushing from one scenario to another. Each increasingly bleak. _Natsu…_

   Sighing she sank down into one of the seats, burying her head against her arms as she tried to calm herself down. After all, she didn’t have any proof that it was bad news. But then why has he looked so pale and stressed recently? Why is he hiding it to the point where he’s pushed Erza and the others away? Mira wanted to groan as her thoughts started down new tracks and she sat up, glancing around and spotting the pile of books that had been left on the table. From the look of it, Levy had been researching an ancient dialect and had probably been yanked away by Jet or Droy, presumably to eat, and hadn’t managed to come back to them as she was usually pedantic about putting books back where they belonged it. It wasn’t a topic that particularly interested her, but she wanted something to distract her if only for a little while, so she reached out and snatched the top book, flicking it open with a sigh.

  She wasn’t sure how long she’d been reading for when the library door burst open, and she immediately whirled around with an expectant expression, unintentionally sending the book flying to the floor.

“Mira-nee,” Lisanna called as she appeared at the top of the stairs. “Porlyusica’s here!”

“Thank heavens,” Mira breathed as she shot to her feet, abandoning her book without a second’s thought as she hurried up the steps towards Lisanna.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Lisanna asked with a worried frown as Mira reached her, eyes narrowed as she took in her sister’s pale face and the stressed expression that she was wearing. It hadn’t escaped her notice that Mira had reacted to the request for Porlyusica’s presence in a way that implied that she knew what was going on, but she had refused to say anything when Lisanna had asked earlier, and she had disappeared before Lisanna had the chance to pursue the issue.

“I’m fine,” Mira murmured as she brushed past, hurrying towards the main hall as fast as she could and Lisanna let out a soft huff before chasing after her _. Sure you are..._

“Where is that idiot?” Mira could hear Porlyusica before she’d even set foot in the hall, and somehow the familiar snappish tone set her more at ease than anything, and she hastily pushed her way through the gathered mages. Porlyusica was stood in the centre of the guild, looking irritated as she glanced around, although her eyes held the usual softness they gained whenever she was around the guild.

“They’re up in the Master’s office,” Mira said softly, ignoring the cowering mages as she stepped forward and gestured towards the stairs. The healer clicked her tongue in irritation and immediately headed towards them, clearly eager to be away from the crowds and to get a chance to yell at Makarov if the scowl on her face was anything to go by and the gathered mages backed away so that she wouldn’t turn their ire on her. However, Mira didn’t let that faze her as she called out quietly, ignoring the startled and worried looks from the others and Lisanna’s quiet warning from behind her. “Porlyusica?”

“What is it?” Porlyusica paused on the first step but didn’t bother turning to look back at her and Mira took a deep breath before pleading softly.

“Please help him…”

“Him? Makarov?” Porlyusica asked with a hint of worry finally entering her voice as she turned around to look at the Take-over mage, shooting a sideways glare at the panting Jet who had collapsed at a nearby table. She had automatically assumed that was what this was about when the speed mage had arrived, but he’d insisted that it wasn’t. Mira shook her head immediately as she caught the worried glint in the healer’s eyes, opening her mouth to explain what she met before freezing as she realised that everyone was watching what was happening and would hear her if she mentioned Natsu.

“I…”

“I’ll do what I can,” Porlyusica murmured after studying Mira for a moment, seemingly understanding that it was something or someone that couldn’t be mentioned allowed and she knew that she’d got it right when Mira’s tense expression relaxed slightly.

“Thank you.”

_Please…._

**

  Natsu hadn’t dared to break the silence that had fallen over them, as his magic had begun to stir uneasily again, no doubt fed by his emotions and he was desperately trying to reign it in. He didn’t want to have an outburst now, not when Gramps was so close and directly in the path of his magic and not after he’d been confident in stating that he had faith in the Dragon-slayer. _I can’t lose control now_ …Yet he knew that it was a lost cause, no matter how forcefully he pushed back against the surging magic he couldn’t seem to make it lose ground. Desperately he gripped the arms of the chair, his fingers turning white even as he felt the familiar pain that came with an outburst spreading through his body and he couldn’t hold back a quiet whimper. _No, please…_

“Natsu?” Makarov caught the quiet noise, snapping out of his quiet contemplation and his eyes widened as his attention shifted back to the Dragon-slayer. It was clear that he was in pain and his breath caught in his chest at the sheer panic in the olive eyes that met his, and he shot to his feet in alarm. “Natsu what is it?” He demanded although he had a sinking feeling that he already knew what was happening, a suspicion confirmed by the rising heat he could now feel in the air around them.

   Natsu wanted to sink into a hole in the ground, or burst into tears. Even though he had finally managed to share what was happening, he hadn’t wanted the older man to see him in this state, but he knew that there was no way he was going to be able to hold this one in. Fresh pain lanced through his chest, aggravating his still healing injuries and for a moment his vision went white as he struggled to cling to consciousness, feeling his magic rising by the second as he blinked to bring the world back into focus just in time to realise that he was falling forwards.

“G-gramps!” He managed to gasp out in warning just before he tumbled forwards off the seat, a pained cry slipping free as the impact with the ground jolted his already sore body, feeling his ribs shift and he bit down on his lip to stop himself from shouting out from the fresh pain. This was worse than his previous outbursts, and he didn’t think that it was all to do with his existing injuries, but that thought disappeared as fresh pain hit, and he scrabbled desperately at the floor to ground himself. _It hurts. It hurts…_ His cheeks were damp, and he knew that at some point he’d lost control over his tears, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he fought to ride out the newest wave of pain.

“Natsu!” Makarov shouted in alarm immediately taking a step towards the Dragon-slayer, only to freeze when Natsu desperately shook his head to warn him away, his hands clenching at his sides at the sight of the teen’s pain and the helplessness that he could feel settling over him. Natsu had sought him out for help, but he hadn’t been able to give answers, and now there was nothing he could do but watch as the Fire mage fought against his own magic.

   The only warning he got was a sudden spike in the rising heat, and he barely managed to throw his arms up in front of him as flames engulfed the Dragon-slayer. Frantically he summoned his own power to protect himself as he realised that these flames were nothing like Natsu’s usual flames, his eyes narrowing as he took in the rainbow of colours in the flames. _Just what is this?_ However, his fascination was derailed as Natsu cried out in agony and his attention immediately snapped back to the teen, watching in horror as the Dragon-slayer twisted wildly in the centre of the fire his face a mask of pain. There was a sudden surge as Natsu cried out once more and this time the flames flared outwards and Makarov tensed defensively, only to realise that despite the pain he was in, Natsu was somehow managing to direct the fire towards the fireplace.

_Natsu…_

   The outburst was short-lived, the flames dying just as suddenly as they had appeared, leaving the floor and mantle completely scorched and Natsu kneeling in the centre of the devastation, his head bowed as his chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to ride out the lingering pain. Slowly Makarov lowered his arms, noting that the material of his coat was singed around the edges and he carefully shed it before moving slowly towards Natsu. Somehow he hadn’t realised just how bad it was, even though Natsu had explained in detail what had happened, and there was a sinking feeling in his gut as his gaze moved between the damage and Natsu. _What if this is something we can’t fix?_ He hastily pushed that thought aside as Natsu slowly lifted his head to peer up at him, fear and guilt written across his face, and he had to hold back a sigh. _Natsu this isn’t your fault…_

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Natsu knew he was babbling and he glanced away, tensing as he took in the damage that he had caused this time, and he couldn’t stop the stream of apologies even as he barely managed to keep fresh tears at bay. _I’m a danger to everyone, first Lucy and Happy…now Gramps…_ Perhaps he would have been better off just taking off and finding somewhere isolated to ride this out, rather than coming to the place that held practically everyone that he cared about.

“It’s alright,” Makarov said soothingly as he knelt down in front of the Dragon-slayer, reaching out to take Natsu’s hands without the slightest trace of hesitation. Natsu’s palms were far hotter than normal, and he frowned as he realised that he could still feel remnants of the wild magic playing around them. “Easy Natsu it’s just a little charring, nothing that can’t be replaced. So calm down,” he ordered as gently as he could, knowing that Natsu couldn’t handle much more at the moment and especially not another outburst when it was clear that he was still in pain from the last.

   He was so focused on calming the Dragon-slayer that he didn’t notice the door opening quietly behind them, and it was only when Natsu tensed suddenly that he realised they were no longer alone. He glanced up to meet Porlyusica’s gaze, relief flooding him as he desperately needed her to provide the answers that he didn’t have. However, he silently warned her to stay back as he realised that Natsu was still tense and he hastily turned his attention back to the Fire mage, gently squeezing his hands to get him to look at him once more.

“It’s Porlyusica,” he explained gently although he knew that Natsu would have already recognised her scent. Natsu blinked and nodded slightly, and Makarov was relieved to feel him relax slightly, the magic that had been playing around the Dragon-slayer’s hands finally disappearing as Natsu let out a soft, defeated sigh.

“It’s over…” He whispered shakily, and Makarov barely managed to resist the urge to wrap the teen up in a hug as he took in the lost, frightened expression that had reappeared on the Fire mage’s face, knowing that Natsu wouldn’t want to show that much weakness in front of the healer.

“I take it this is why you called for me?” Porlyusica asked quietly once she deemed the situation under control, her sharp eyes taking in the tremors wracking the Dragon-slayer before shifting to the damaged fireplace before she turned back to Makarov with an expectant expression.

“Yes,” he agreed softly, studying Natsu who seemed to be making himself as small as he possibly could, and he knew that there was no way the Fire mage was in any state to explain what was happening for a second time. “Natsu?” Makarov waited until frightened eyes rose to meet his, smiling softly at him before adding gently. “Why don’t you go and wait for us in the infirmary, I’ll fill her in on everything you told me.” The relief was clear to see as Natsu frantically nodded, sniffling slightly as he raised himself onto somewhat shaky legs.

“Okay…” Natsu whispered glancing nervously at the healer before heading for the door without another word, thankful when Porlyusica merely stepped out of the way making no move to stop him, and he disappeared closing the door quietly behind him. Makarov sighed as the door clicked shut before slowly rising to his feet and turning to look at Porlyusica who raised an eyebrow in his direction.

“So tell me what’s going on here.”

**

   Natsu was amazed that he’d managed to reach the infirmary, his legs trembling and unsteady beneath him after the outburst. His side was aching, and he wondered dizzily if he’d managed to do more damage as he slipped into the room, relieved to find it empty as he wasn’t up to dealing with anyone else at the moment. He had to rest against the door for a moment to try and regain his breath, reaching up to wipe a hand across his eyes _. Damn it I really am a mess_ , he thought with a slightly bitter laugh, disappointed that he hadn’t been able to hold back the outburst although at least he hadn’t managed to injure Makarov. But he found himself unsure of how to take the older man’s reaction, having fully expected disappointment or fear and not the calm understanding and worry that he had been faced with. _Doesn’t he realise how dangerous I am now?_ His mind flashed back to how close he’d come to seriously injuring Lucy and Happy, and he had to swallow hard as nausea welled in the back of his throat. _What if that had happened this time as well?_

   The urge to turn around and flee was strong, but his promise to Happy and the faint hope that he was clinging to that Porlyusica might have the answers he needed made him stay. Sighing he forced himself away from the door, only to grimace as his body protested the movement and he bit back a whimper even as his gaze drifted to the nearest bed. He knew that it wouldn’t take Makarov long to fill the healer in on what was happening and then he’d have to face whatever questions and tests she decided to throw his way. However, there was no way he was going to be able to stay upright for that long, and the bed was looking increasingly inviting the longer he stared at it.

  Unable to resist any longer he stumbled towards it, not evening bothering to pull back the covers before he clambered up on top of it, hissing as he jolted his injuries again. Slowly he eased himself down until he was laid on the bed, letting out a soft sigh of relief as he rested his head against the pillow, the material cool against his head and he pressed his head against it. Usually, he hated being in the infirmary, but today something was soothing about the room, and he felt himself calming somewhat, maybe because it offered the potential for the answers that he needed.

“It’s not going to be bad news, it can’t be,” he whispered closing his eyes, well aware that he sounded desperate even to his own ears and for a moment he wished that he’d asked Happy to stay. The Exceed was a master at being optimistic in the worst of situations, and Natsu desperately needed some optimism at the moment. But at least this way Happy wasn’t getting to witness this latest outburst, or his weakness, or the fear that he had been trying to keep concealed from his partner all this time. It had been bad enough that the Exceed had witnessed multiple outbursts and the pain that came with it, he hadn’t wanted him to ever know how frightened he was.

   Shivering he curled up tighter on the bed, yawning as exhaustion pressed in on him, and he forced his eyes open so that he could watch the door. However, barely a moment later he found his eyes beginning to droop and he stubbornly fought to keep them open, cringing at the thought of how Porlyusica would react if she came in and found him asleep. He’d had enough bad experiences with the healer to know that getting on her bad side was nearly as bad as angering Erza. His heart ached at the thought of his red-haired friend and the rest of the team, and he hastily turned his attention back to staying awake. Yet he found his eyes closing again after only a few seconds as he fought back a larger yawn, blinking sleepily as he tried to focus on the door. Surely a five-minute nap couldn’t hurt? A small voice in the back of his mind whispered, and he hummed in thought, realising that it was a losing battle as it took a ridiculous amount of effort to reopen them. In the end, it was the realisation that he’d not yet had outburst while sleeping that made him give in, and this time he didn’t fight it as his eyes drifted shut, swiftly dropping off into an uneasy sleep.

****

   It was nearly half an hour later that Makarov and Porlyusica reached the infirmary, as they’d been distracted by discussing possible causes for the problem after Makarov had reported everything that Natsu had told him and what he’d witnessed during the brief outburst. It worried him that she hadn’t immediately been able to provide a reason, and there was something about the grim expression that she bore as she led the way into infirmary that made him uneasy. _Does she suspect something?_ If it was his own health, he knew that she would have immediately and bluntly told him all the worst case scenarios, but when it came to his brats, she tended to be delicate, well aware of how protective he was and he usually appreciated that deviation but not today. Not with Natsu’s pained cries still echoing in his mind, or the sight of the Dragon-slayer’s frightened face flashing through his mind. Today he was just desperate for answers and reassurances that everything would be okay.

   They both came up short as they found Natsu curled up on the first bed in the infirmary, looking impossibly small and young and they both slowed down as they cautiously approached, not wanting to startle him, especially with his unstable magic.

“He’s asleep,” Makarov whispered as he studied the Dragon-slayer, even in sleep he looked stressed and frightened and although he was reluctant to wake him he knew that they needed to get to the bottom of this, and he stepped forward with a soft sigh reaching out in preparation to try and gently shake Natsu awake. “I’ll…”

“Leave him,” Porlyusica murmured softly as she studied the teen, shocked by the visible changes in the Fire mage from the last time she had seen him, something that she had missed during their brief encounter in Makarov’s office and suddenly her old friend's poorly concealed panic made more sense. Even at this distance and with Natsu asleep she could feel his magic spiking out around him, and she scowled slightly as she felt it brush against hers and for a moment she felt queasy until she was able to pull her own magic back.

“Porlyusica?”

“I should be able to do most of my tests while he’s asleep,” she explained in a low voice well aware of how sharp a Dragon-slayer’s hearing was and trying to avoid waking him. Seeing the confused look on Makarov’s face, she sighed in exasperation, and she struggled to keep the irritation out of her voice as she explained quietly. “If the outbursts are related to his emotions it might be easier, as they’re likely to stress him out more, especially if he’s already as worried as you implied.” She’d seen the damage in his office, and she wasn’t overly keen to face a similar outburst if it was possible to avoid it, even if it would probably give her the best read on whatever his magic was currently doing.

“That might be better,” Makarov acknowledged softly, studying the sleeping teen with a worried expression and she tasked as she realised that he was fully intending to plant himself at Natsu’s side and hover during her examination. Drawing herself up to her full height she planted her hands on her hips and waited until he turned to look at her with a frown before continuing in a deliberately dismissive voice.

“You should go back to work.”

“But…”

“This is going to take a while,” She explained as she glanced at Natsu, her frown deepening at the truth of her own words. Normally she could come up with at least a rough diagnosis just from the information she had been given, and usually, she was correct the first time, but this time she didn’t have any idea what could be happening and she disliked the feeling of being out of her depth. “And I don’t want you hovering.”

“I…”

“You’re worried,” there was no trace of irritation in her voice now, and Makarov blinked at the sudden change in tone, not liking the sympathetic, almost pitying expression on her face as she glanced between him and Natsu and it was a fight not to demand that she share her suspicions. Instead, he found himself scowling as she continued in the same oddly soft voice. “Which means you’re going to hover even if you promise not to. Go, I’ll come and find you when I actually know something.” The admission that she didn’t yet know what was going on unsettled him and he was about to protest that he needed to stay right where he was, only for her to narrow her eyes at him, and this time there was a dangerous gleam to them that made him admit defeat without a fight.

“Fine,” he muttered staring at Natsu for another moment before forcing himself to turn away. However, he’d barely gone a couple of steps before he halted and added desperately. "Just…Please help him.”

“I’ll do my best,” Porlyusica promised, knowing that he hated asking others to protect his children and asking her for help and yet he hadn’t hesitated. With a silent nod of acceptance at her words, he headed quietly for the door, and she banished him from her mind as she turned back to Natsu. Her expression darkening once more as she studied the Dragon-slayer the brief suspicion she’d had earlier forcing its way back into the forefront of her mind, and she bit her lip in thought, for once desperately hoping that she was wrong.

**

   Making sure that Makarov was gone and the door closed, she raised her hands over Natsu and muttered under her breath as she cast her magic like a net over the Dragon-slayer, eyes narrowing as it flared crimson at once and she took a cautious step back until she was sure that he was still asleep. His magic which should have been resting as he slept was currently as active as it would be during a battle, and it seemed to be actively striving to break free even though he wasn’t consciously aware enough to summon it. She’d heard of occasions where something similar had happened, but it was usually after periods of repression whether coerced or not, but the Dragonslayer wasn’t known from refraining from the use of his magic so that couldn’t be the cause here.

   Frowning she paced backwards beside the bed, her mind running through every text or tale she had ever heard that might be remotely similar to this. Cursing the fact that she was dealing with Lost magic and making a mental note to force the Dragon-slayers to be her guinea pigs at a later date so she could get a complete understanding of how their magic worked. Finally, she decided to abandon that train of thought as none of the documents she could recall was similar enough to apply here, something that made her somewhat uneasy and she sighed before remembering what Makarov had said about the strange, multi-coloured flames that Natsu had produced during the outburst. She had never experienced it for herself, but she vaguely remembered Makarov mentioning that the Fire mage had managed to use to black flames during their time on Tenroujima. Flames that were incompatible with his own, but that he had managed to force his body to convert.

“You fool,” she cursed as a thought formed, and she rapidly moved back to his bedside, hesitating for the briefest moment before casting a Reveal spell over the sleeping Dragon-slayer. Normally, this spell was used on young children especially those with at least one mage parent to try and get a read on what magic they would be most compatible with, and usually, it would conjure a single sphere over the individual’s chest, filled with something that would indicate their magical preference. For a moment the spell seemed to falter, and she poured more magic into it, and she was finally rewarded by a large sphere that hovered over him and radiated heat from the flames licking at its inside. For several moments she just stared at it, waiting for it to do something, but it just continued to blaze happily, and she sighed, relieved to have been proved wrong and disappointed that she was no closer to getting an answer.

   However, just as she was about to release the spell, the sphere cracked violently around the middle, although the magic inside didn’t appear to be leaking out much to her relief. But then the sphere began to spin, and she could only watch with wide eyes as it slowly split itself into half a dozen small spheres, each one cracked although some were worse than others, and each appeared to be filled with a different form of magic. Some were flames like the first one, but a different hue, black in one, gold in another, while

 another seemed to hold a variety of flames. Then there was one filled with lightning, another with the soft azure light of etherion and the final one contained what looked like viscous, purple liquid and she found herself veering away from that one. What is this? She’d heard of mages having more than one sphere, but that was usually mages like Makarov or Erza who had similar but different magics that worked in unison, while these seemed to be in conflict…and the cracks…she had never seen them cracked this badly, or all together and she swallowed nervously as she studied them for another moment before releasing the spell with a small wave of her hand not wanting to look at it any longer.

_How on earth could this have happened?_

****

   Makarov immediately glanced up from his work as he heard the door open, not that he had got very far in the time she had been gone. As every time that he began to focus, he found his thoughts drifting back to Natsu, and it was only the knowledge that she would violently throw him out the infirmary that had stopped him from going to check on them. All thoughts of work faded entirely as he took in her ashen complexion and the frown on her face, she hadn’t looked as grim during his recent bouts of illness, and that made him shift uneasily. _It can’t be that bad, this is Natsu we’re talking about._ He could probably count on one hand the number of times that Natsu had actually been ill in all the years since he’d joined the guild. And none of them had been serious as he’d seemed to have a lucky streak a mile wide when it came to avoiding the illnesses that the other children had frequently traded with one another.

   Without a word she closed the door behind her and made a beeline for the seat in front of his desk, sinking into with a weary sigh and for once looking every bit her age, although he had no intention of voicing that thought aloud in her presence.

“Porlyusica?” He prompted when several minutes had passed without her speaking, frowning when she jumped slightly as though he had just startled her out of her thoughts, knowing that it took a lot to distract her to that extent especially when she had a patient, and he could feel his concern skyrocketing. Crimson eyes met his after a moment and his hands clenched against the desk as he caught the darkness in her gaze, and the grim set to her face. “Tell me.”

“I think I know what’s happened, and what’s going to happen,” she replied quietly after a moment, her gaze drifting to the damage that Natsu had caused earlier and for a second he was convinced that he could see real fear in her gaze, but that still didn’t prepare him for her next works. “It’s not good.”

“What do you mean?” He demanded, knowing that she had a tendency to look at the worst case scenarios in every situation and praying that she was doing the same here, even though deep down he knew that she wasn’t even before she reluctantly turned to meet his gaze once more.

“It’s going to kill him…”

**

Two hours later:

“Natsu!” Natsu stirred reluctantly as he heard someone calling his name, mumbling a protest as he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder before finally, he managed to force his eyes open. Blinking heavily and feeling like he’d barely slept he tilted his head to find Porlyusica peering down at him, and at once he came fully awake as he remembered why she was three and he hastily forced himself into an upright position. Pausing as he realised that aside from a lingering ache, there was no sign of the pain that he’d been earlier and he shifted cautiously testing it, lips twitching up slightly into a relieved smile as he realised that there was no pain in his side.

“How are you feeling?” Makarov asked, and he jumped slightly at the unexpected voice, having missed the guild master standing at the edge of his bed, and he quickly glanced towards the older man and blinking as he realised that he was waiting for an answer. Frowning slightly, he turned his attention down to himself to try and assess how he felt, a familiar process after so many outbursts although it was usually Happy that was there demanding to know how he was feeling.

“Better?” Natsu replied hesitantly after a long pause. While the worst of the pain was gone, he still ached all over, and he could feel exhaustion pressing in on him, although that was something he had become accustomed to over the past few months to the point where he couldn’t recall the last time he hadn’t felt at least slightly tired.

“Porlyusica healed your ribs and the worst of your cuts and bruises,” Makarov explained quietly as he gestured to the healer.

“Thank you,” Natsu mumbled before frowning slightly as he recalled why he’d had to suffer them anyway, and his eyes were narrow as he turned to look at Porlyusica. “But I thought…” The hospital staff had been adamant that he wasn’t to be healed magically, and while he knew they weren’t as good as Porlyusica, he doubted that they had been that far off base. Not that he really wanted to complain as it meant that he was now able to breathe freely without pain, but still…

“It’s fine,” she reassured him at once, realising what he was concerned about. However, although the reassurance had been swift and sincere, Natsu caught the odd edge to her voice and the darkness in her gaze before her eyes shifted away as though unable to hold his gaze, something that she had never done before, and an uneasy feeling settled over him as he realised that something else was going on.

“What is it?” He asked nervously studying her for a moment longer before he glanced at Makarov, realising that he had the same darkness in his eyes and he swallowed nervously. Had they found something while he was asleep? He was aware that they’d let him sleep for a while, and he wondered just what they had done while he was sleeping as he knew that Makarov at least knew how urgently he needed answers. “You…Do you know what’s happening?” Feeling suddenly vulnerable on the bed he slid off it and leant against it, crossing his arms as he tried to look composed, but he doubted that he was successful as he couldn’t quell his growing fear.

“We think so,” Makarov admitted slowly. Struggling to keep his expression as calm as possible as he knew that if he fell apart before they’d even told Natsu what was going on then there was no way that the Dragon-slayer was going to be able to hold himself together and they desperately needed to avoid another outburst, for Natsu’s. “Natsu…”

“What?”

“We need you to try and remain as calm as you possibly can whilst we explain what we think is happening with your magic,” Porlyusica explained soothingly as she realised that Makarov himself was too worked up to really help at this point, and she couldn’t really snap at him to calm down while trying to settle Natsu.

“Why?” Natsu demanded growing more nervous by the second, well aware that it must be something serious if they avoiding tell him bluntly and not liking the request for calmness, and there was an urgency to his voice as he asked nervously. “What is it?” _Calm? How can I be calm when you won’t tell me what’s happening?_ He wanted to ask, but he bit his tongue, not wanting to make the situation worse or risk them refusing to tell him.

“Calm Natsu!” Makarov barked in a much sharper voice, and he opened his mouth intending to apologise when he was surprised by Natsu suddenly ducking his head.

“I…” Natsu tripped over his tongue before forcing himself to take a deep breath before adding in a slightly calmer tone. “Sorry…Please tell me what’s going on,” he pleaded as he worked on schooling his expression into one of calmness, although he knew that his eyes would betray him, both Mira and Lucy told him frequently that he gave himself away through his eyes. However, his efforts seemed to have been enough because Makarov and Porlyusica shared a brief glance before nodding in agreement and he stiffened as the latter turned back to him with a serious expression.

“First I have a couple of questions just to check a couple of things,” she explained, and Natsu frowned not liking the delay, but there was something in her expression that told he wouldn’t get his answers unless he played along and so he bit back the instinctive protest and settled for silently nodding. “Makarov said that you told him that your symptoms first appeared following the fight in the Celestial world and that you ate celestial magic of some kind during that battle?”

“Yes…” Natsu replied with a confused expression, did she think it was just that? But he had been fine immediately afterwards, and it wasn’t as though it was the first time he’d eaten an unusual type of magic that shouldn’t work with his own, something that he felt the need to cautiously point out to her. “But I’ve eaten other types of magic before, and never had anything like this happen because of it.”

“I’m aware of that,” Porlyusica assured him, and the very fact that she didn’t take offence at his tone or words made him even more nervous, but he wisely didn’t mention it as he could tell that they were both monitoring his reactions carefully. “Did you mention what you’d done to any of the Spirits?”

“No,” Natsu shook his head before shrugging, unable to see the point of these questions even as he realised that she was waiting for him to elaborate and releasing a small sight he complied. “There wasn’t time as we had to leave while the time difference between the two worlds was still restoring itself, and there didn’t seem to be any need. I had a somewhat upset stomach, but I expected that. It’s what happens when I eat stuff I shouldn’t, plus I’d already eaten Loke’s flames as well not long before.” Her eyes narrowed at that news, and he realised that he’d forgotten to mention that when talking to Makarov, mentioning just the strange gunk that he’d eaten inside the Celestial Spirit Beast when he’d told the older man about the first outburst, but surely Loke’s flames couldn’t have caused all this? “Please…just tell me what’s going on,” he added with a hint of desperation, the questions and lack of solid answers making him more nervous by the second and apparently Porlyusica had realised this because she sighed and nodded.

“Dragon-slayers are able to gain power from eating their own element, and it is possible in some cases for them to eat other elements and convert it to their own,” Porlyusica explained leaning against the edge of her bed, making sure that she had his complete attention before continue and choosing to ignore his confused expression for the time being. “However, what is supposed to happen is that once you’ve burned through that power, it’s eradicated completely from your body, which is why you collapse and suffer stomach problems as that’s your body disposing of it.”

“I know that,” Natsu pointed out bluntly with a frown, he might not have a clue what was going on with his magic at the moment, but he did at least understand how it was supposed to work. “Apart from Laxus’s Lightning which I can still use…”

“Yes some elements are compatible and can be retained,” Porlyusica nodded, and then her expression turned more serious, and Natsu tensed as he realised that she was finally getting to the point. “What’s happened with you though it that your body has retained every foreign type of magic you’ve consumed, both fire-based and non-fire based.”

“Okay…” Natsu frowned slightly realising that that wasn’t something that was meant to happen and he didn’t like the idea that he was somehow an ‘abnormal’ Dragon-slayer, but it didn’t seem as terrible as he had been expecting. “So what? I’ve just got too much magic in my body?” _That doesn’t sound too bad_ …Surely it would just be a matter of either adapting to that level of magic or managing to use it up and then he could go back to normal. He perked up slightly at that thought, only to tense as he realised that neither of them seemed to have relaxed in the slightest and that instead they seemed somewhat dismayed by his reaction.

“Not exactly,” Porlyusica replied cautiously, sighing as Natsu visibly deflated, his gaze intense as he focused on her once more and she wished desperately that she had better news to give him. Part of her wanted to make Makarov break the news to him as he was much closer to the teen and better and talking to people, but the former was exactly why he couldn’t do it, he was too close, and she could tell that her old friend was barely holding himself together at the moment. “Your magic is unable to use those different types of magic at this stage, and instead the different types are beginning to fight for control. Essentially they’re trying to eradicate your original Dragon Fire and replace it, but at the same time your magic is fighting back, and your body is being caught in the crossfire which is why you experience so much pain when you have an outburst.”

“Oh,” Natsu whispered, his earlier fear reappearing as he realised that this wasn’t something that was going to go away easily and he shifted uneasily before forcing himself to ask the question that had been haunting his thoughts for a while now. “But it can be dealt with right? I mean it can be fixed?” _Please say yes…_

“Natsu…” Makarov whispered with a pained expression on his face, and Natsu felt a chill run through him as he glanced at the older man and caught the grief in the dark eyes. _Why are you looking at me like that? Like I’m about to disappear?_

“Not at the moment,” Porlyusica admitted quietly, and Natsu froze staring up at her with wide, terrified eyes as he felt his fear threatening to blossom into full-blown panic. _This isn’t how it’s supposed to go!!_ He wanted to scream at her, wanted her to turn around and say it was a mistake or that she’d just remembered something that would help. However, she was speaking again, and with difficulty he forced himself to focus on her once more. “I’ve never heard of this happening before, and at the moment I don’t know how to reverse it.” Natsu felt the world tilt around him, _that’s not what you’re supposed to say, you’re supposed to say you can fix me!_ He felt sick to his stomach as the implications of what she was saying began to sink in and his trembled wildly as he forced himself to ask.

“A-and if it isn’t reversed?” His nerves were already shot to pieces, and it didn’t help when they glanced at one another, Makarov paling dramatically before Porlyusica sighed and turned back to him.

“If it isn’t reversed and it continues at this rate your body won’t be able to hold out,” she replied softly, and Natsu was hit with an insane urge to laugh, this had to be a joke right? Only he knew that they would never joke about something like this and he found himself having to grip the edge of the bed to keep himself upright.

“What?” He finally managed to choke out once he was sure that he wasn’t going to burst out in laughter. However, his voice broke as he forced himself to continue and he could feel his eyes beginning to burn as he struggled to hold himself together. “Y-you don’t mean?” _You can’t mean…_

“Eventually it will kill you unless we're able to find a cure in the time that we have” Porlyusica’s voice was the softest that he’d ever heard it, and there was pity in her usually hard crimson eyes and for Natsu was that felt like the final blow.

   There was a rushing sound in his ears, and he felt as though his entire body had been engulfed in Gray’s ice as he stared blankly at Porlyusica, her words reverberating in his mind. _I don’t know how to reverse it…and if it continues at this rate your body won’t be able to hold out…Eventually, it will kill you._ Her words were like lead weights as they settled on his shoulders, and he was distantly aware of his knees giving way beneath him, and as he crumpled back onto the bed, his breathing started to come in gasping pants, and he hastily ducked his head so that he didn’t have to see their expressions.

_I’m going to die._

   The thought seemed foreign and distant and yet he couldn’t escape it, and he could feel it burrowing its way under the surface under his skin. He was going to die… _I’m going to die_. A hysterical giggle breaking through the daze and he winced at the noise before his attention was drawn to the fact that he couldn’t breathe properly, the world swimming in and out of focus as he tried to bring his attention back to the present.

_I’m going to die…_


	8. Chapter 8

 

“Natsu! Natsu!!” Slowly he became aware of the warm hands that were resting on his knees, and reluctantly he forced his head up, blinking heavily as he found Makarov standing in front of him with panic and worry written across his wrinkled face. “Natsu you need to calm down,” the calmness of his voice didn’t match his expression, and if he could Natsu would have laughed at those words

_Calm?_

_How can I be calm when she’s just told me…when she said…when she said…?_

    He couldn’t even bring himself to finish the thought, desperately wanting to push away what she’d said. The tightness in his chest was increasing, and he was struggling to draw in enough air now, and his vision blurred slightly as Makarov lightly shook him, drawing his attention back to him. “Natsu just breathe. Breathe, just follow what I’m doing,” Makarov encouraged. Breathing deliberately deeply and slowly so that the Dragon-slayer could mimic him, looking relieved as he felt Natsu gradually beginning to calm as he hadn’t been convinced that it would be enough and he warned Porlyusica to stay back with a quick glance before turning his attention back to the Dragon-slayer. “That’s it Natsu.”

   It took nearly half an hour for the Dragon-slayer to calm down to a point that Makarov was willing to accept, realising that there was no way Natsu could be utterly calm at the moment. Still, he made no move to remove his hands or step away, wanting Natsu to realise that he wasn’t alone even if there was nothing that he could actually do to help the teen. Natsu was trembling violently under his hands, and he knew that it wouldn’t take much to push him back over the edge, and it was clear from Porlyusica’s continued silence that she knew that as well and so they both settled in to wait him out. Giving him the opportunity to gather his thoughts as best he could although they knew that their presence alone was a constant reminder of what was happening.

“How long?” Natsu managed to ask after his breathing had finally settled into something vaguely resembling a regular pattern. Although his voice still sounded strange even to himself and he drew back from Makarov as he forced himself to look up at the Healer, silently demanding the truth even though he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted the answer to that question. At the moment he could still pretend that his death was something far away even though he knew it wasn’t, but he knew that he couldn’t afford to think like that. _I don’t have the time_ …He baulked at that thought and very nearly rescinded his question as he realised for the first time how true that was, he didn’t have time, or not as much as he was supposed to have, and that was going to change everything _. I want to have more adventures with the others. I want to get stronger, and I want to live._

“I’m not sure,” Porlyusica admitted with a sigh, her usual scowling expression having been replaced with a mixture of frustration and concern as she met his gaze. “I’ve never dealt with a situation like this before, and until I can gather more information I’d rather not give you a false estimate, but…”

“But?” Natsu demanded shakily.

“I don’t think it’ll be long…” She admitted quietly, and Natsu closed his eyes as he struggled to stop himself from descending into pure panic once more, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood in an effort to keep himself focused. _Not long_ , there was a hysterical laugh threatening to bubble up as that thought circled around in his head. _How the hell could something like this be happening?_

“Porlyusica?” Makarov asked sharply as he caught the despair in Natsu’s eyes, eyes widening as he turned to look at her, taken aback by the openly emotional expression on her face. He couldn’t remember her ever being that open with her emotions, and he felt dread pooling in his stomach. The thought of losing Natsu at all still hadn’t fully registered, and he wasn’t entirely sure he could handle knowing how long they had to prepare for that _. How does someone prepare for that?_

“My best estimate at the moment would be a year,” Porlyusica said softly, looking directly at Natsu as she realised that he’d turned his focus back to her the moment she started speaking. It was heart-breaking to watch as his composure crumbled for a moment, leaving behind a frightened child facing something that someone his age should never have to face and for the first time in years she found herself stepping forward with the desire to offer comfort. However, it was clear that Natsu had noted the movement and he hastily straightened and she froze, watching as he struggled to pull himself back together although he couldn’t completely banish the fear from his expression.

“Natsu…” Makarov breathed as he turned to look at Natsu, taking in the stricken expression on the teen’s face and wishing there was something he could to drive it away. None of his children should ever have to look like that, but especially not Natsu. Guilt and grief weighed down on him, and he felt like he had aged in the last few minutes, terror flooding in at the realisation that he was going to outlive the teenager in front of him. That he would never get to see, the Dragon-slayer become the man he was shaping up to become.

“I see…” Natsu’s voice was faint, and it was clear that he was barely preventing himself from falling apart again, and Makarov knew that it was only because they were there that he was managing to put on a brave face and his heart ached for the teen. Well aware that as soon as he was on his own that Natsu was going to fall apart completely and that there was nothing to could do to help. “I…Is there anything I should or shouldn’t be doing?” Natsu asked as the numbness was starting to fade around the edges, and he could feel his other emotions surging up beyond it and he was desperate to stave them off for as long as possible.

_I can’t deal with this…_

“You need to avoid deliberately using your magic at all costs,” Porlyusica replied instantly and Natsu blanched at her response, his gaze dropping down to his clenched hands, panic and grief swirling in his chest. _Not use my magic?_ As much as his magic scared him at the moment, and the flicker of hate and anger that came from knowing that it was going to be his magic that killed him. The thought of not being able to use it, to not be able to use the gift that Igneel had given him was enough to make his eyes burn with fresh tears, and it was all he could do to hold them back.

“But…”

“Even everyday use would only speed up the process,” Porlyusica cut across the weak protest, but her tone was surprisingly gentle, and there was a sympathetic expression on her face as she studied him for a moment before continuing solemnly. “The outbursts on their own will be bad enough as I don’t think there’s any way for us to stop those, but if you can refrain from using it, it should help to ease the pressure. Hopefully buying you time to live and time for us to work on finding a solution to this.” _If there even is one_ , she added silently with a frown. There was very little known about Dragon-slayer magic and without Dragons around to ask about it she doubted that they would be able to find out more, but she knew that the guild wouldn’t rest until it had exhausted every possible source of information. _I just hope that is enough…_

“You don’t believe that,” Natsu growled as he caught the doubt in her eyes, catching the flinch that went through both her and Makarov and he ducked his head, unsure of where the flare of fury had come from, and he bit his lip before mumbling a quiet apology. “Sorry…” He knew that it wasn’t their fault and that all they wanted to do was help, and yet at that moment he wanted to lash out at something… someone…anything to ease the pressure rising in his chest. _I can’t do this. I can’t deal with this_ … He had feared that it was going to be bad news, he’d even naively thought that he was prepared for it, but even in his worst imaginings, he’d never come up with anything close to this.

“Natsu…”

“Don’t…” Natsu whispered desperately cutting across the offered reassurance, digging his nails into his palms in an attempt to hold back his temper as he felt his magic - his cursed magic, beginning to stir deep inside and he desperately tried to push it back down. “Please…just don’t. Is there anything else I can do?” Asking questions gave him something else to focus on, and allowed him to pretend that he had some control over this situation even though it felt like everything was crumbling around him. _Anything? Please…I need something. I need there to be something that I can do…_

“No,” Porlyusica replied softly. Wishing that she could give him a better answer as she knew why he was asking. That he needed something to cling to and yet all she had to give him at the moment was bad news and warnings, and for the first time she found herself wishing that she wasn’t a healer, or that she could’ve at least stopped Makarov’s brats from sneaking past the walls she’d built up over the years to prevent situations like this. Instead, all she could do was meet his frightened eyes head on, and tell him what she needed to as gently as possible. “Until we can find more information, the only other thing I can do is prescribe you some painkillers to help after an outburst, but I have to warn you, it’s going to get worse.”

“Worse?”

“The outbursts that you’re experiencing are going to get stronger and more frequent, but your body is going to get weaker,” Porlyusica explained quietly, and Natsu swallowed hard as he glanced down at himself. The pain from the outbursts was bad enough now, the thought of it getting worse terrified him…there would be no way to hide it from the others, no way to pretend that it wasn’t happening and his hand shook wildly as he gestured for her to continue. “Your magic is essentially attacking you, and your body has no way of protecting itself. Hopefully, I’ll be able to ease some of the physical pain but with time it’ll probably move beyond my abilities.” She saw Makarov tense at her words, closing her eyes briefly as she realised that she hadn’t been able to admit that during their earlier talks. Aware of the sheer faith he had in her abilities, and afraid of disappointing him further and she carefully avoiding looking fully at him, instead watching as Natsu considered her words, stunned that he was managing to hold himself together as well as he was.

   Inside Natsu could feel himself beginning to come apart at the seams and he knew that he wasn’t going to hold himself together much longer, and his magic was becoming increasingly agitated as it responded to his rising emotions and all he wanted to do was get out of here before he lost control over either of them. However, there was one last question that he felt that he needed to ask even though he dreaded the answer almost as much as he had feared learning what was wrong with him and it took him a couple of minutes to find his voice once more.

“If I’d come to you sooner…” Natsu hesitated for a moment before forcing himself to continue. “Would it have made a difference?” He had waited so long to come to them, ignoring Happy’s advice even though he knew that the Exceed was just trying to help him. _Would I have had a chance if I’d come sooner?_ The thought that he might have brought this on himself made him feel sick to the stomach, but he refused to take back the question. He needed to know, not that it was going to change the current situation or what was going to happen in the future.

“It would have given us more time to search for information,” Porlyusica replied after a moment, and Natsu closed his eyes as he braced himself for the rest of her answer, easily imagining the disapproving look that she must be giving him. _I was an idiot_ … “But, I don’t believe that it would’ve changed the situation itself.” Huh? His eyes flew open, and he cautiously glanced up at her, unable to find anything but honesty in her eyes as she met his gaze without hesitation and there was a hint of hope in his voice as he asked uncertainly.

“It wouldn’t?”

“No,” Porlyusica offered him a terse smile, relieved that for once she had a positive answer for him as it was clear that this was important to him. “The damage was done the moment you consumed that magic in the Celestial world. Your magic would already have been fracturing before that, and that was the push that resulted in this situation.” Part of her wanted to scold him for abusing his magic like that, for pushing his body and magic beyond what he should’ve been capable of. But she knew that he had done for the sake of the guild, and while she might scream and shout at the idiots she knew that when push came to shove she was still a Fairy Tail mage, and that she would’ve done everything in her power to protect the guild. _It’s just not fair that he also has to pay the price…_

“Good…” Natsu breathed, closing his eyes to hide the fresh tears that he could feel forming. Unsure what he would have done if she had said yes, especially as he knew that it was something that Happy would want to know. The thought of his partner brought the situation crashing back on him though. _How the hell am I meant to tell him about this?_ There was no way he was going to be able to avoid telling him, after all, he had promised to seek help and if he refused to tell him what he’d learnt Happy would know that it was bad news anyway.

“Natsu?”

“I want to go home…” Natsu muttered unable to bring himself to look at the older man, certain that the if he did he would fall apart as he could hear the concern and grief in his voice and it didn’t take much to imagine what his expression must be like. Instead, he turned to the healer who despite her softer than usual approach was doing a much better job of masking her emotions, and it helped him to keep his mask in place, although his voice still wobbled slightly. “I don’t need to stay here do I?” He knew that there was probably more that they needed to talk about, but he could feel everything beginning to shatter, and he wanted to be away from prying eyes when that happened.

“Not really, but…”

“Then I want to go home, please?” Natsu cut across her response as he seized onto the first bit, finally turning pleading eyes towards Makarov. “Please!”

   Makarov turned to Porlyusica, and they held a silent conversation, neither of them particularly happy with the thought of the teen being out of their sight. Especially with Happy not to mention the rest of his team currently out of town but they didn’t really have a reason to keep him at the guild, and it was clear that he was desperate for time to himself. Finally, the healer sighed and nodded in agreement, and Makarov nodded before turning back to the Dragon-slayer, reluctantly bringing up the one issue he knew that they couldn’t leave till later.

“Natsu, about the rest of the guild?”

“I don’t want them to know!” Natsu protested at once shaking his head violently, it was bad enough having to witness Makarov’s reactions to the news, the thought of watching everyone else react to the news that he was going to…The thought of them looking at him with pitying expressions. He trembled at the mere thought of it, and he added desperately. “Not yet at least…”

“Alright,” Makarov agreed after sharing a brief look with Porlyusica, realising that the Dragonslayer was in no state to deal with his guild-mates reactions as well as his own and in all honesty, he was relieved that he didn’t have to break the news to them. However, they couldn’t be left completely in the dark as they needed to make sure that Natsu wasn’t tempted to use his magic, and he sighed before turning back to Natsu who was still staring blankly at the floor. “Although I’ll have to warn them not to tempt you into fights, but I can always come up with a reason for that. But what about Erza and the others? They need to know.”

“No!” Natsu shouted in alarm, his head shooting up so that he could stare at him with wide, panicked eyes and Makarov was startled by the force of the protest. He could understand the teen refusing to tell them when he didn’t know what was happening, but surely he couldn’t be planning on keeping it secret even now? Besides, it wouldn’t be long before he was no longer able to hide what was happening, and it would be better if they heard it from him before they found out by directly experiencing an outburst.

“Natsu they…”

“Not yet,” Natsu cut across him with a desperate expression on his face, eyes glistening with tears that he was stubbornly fighting to keep in check and Makarov fell silent, watching with worried eyes as the Dragon-slayer struggled to gather his thoughts enough to explain the reason for his desperation. “I know they need to know, but I can’t tell them yet, and I don’t want you to tell them either.” In all honesty, he wasn’t sure that he would ever be able to be the one to tell them what was happening, but he couldn’t bear the thought of telling them just yet. He might be able to bear the pity from the rest of the guild when they learnt what was happening, but the thought of Erza and the others pitying him or treating him like glass that was about to shatter filled him with dread _. I just want them to see Natsu and not the time bomb that I’ve become…_

“But…”

“I’ll tell Happy,” Natsu whispered interrupting him once more, a distant expression on his face as he imagined how that conversation was going to go but knowing that it wasn’t one that he was going to be able to avoid. “I have to…but, please. I want them to be able to treat me n-normally for as long as possible.” He glanced down as his voice broke, missing the pained expression that flashed across Makarov’s face and the half-step the older man took towards him before stumbling to a halt as he realised that what Natsu said about his teammates probably applied to him as well. But the thought of acting like everything was normal seemed impossible, the weight of what was happening pressing in on him, and he was worried about the thought of Natsu trying to bear that weight without his team, and he felt compelled to try one last time to change his mind.

“Natsu…”

“Let it be for now,” Porlyusica interjected realising that they weren’t going to get anywhere, and sensing the magic that was beginning to stir in the air as the Dragon-slayer became more anxious and she knew she’d made the right choice when after a moment it settled somewhat. “There will be a time when you can no longer hide it, you do realise that?” She felt compelled to ask as she turned back to Natsu and the Dragon-slayer nodded tightly after a moment, even as he prayed for as much time as possible before that happened.

“I just need some time…”

“Very well,” Makarov was the one to speak this time, realising that for now the only thing left for him to do was support Natsu as best as he could and if the Dragon-slayer wanted their silence it was the least they could give him. He just hoped that Erza and the others would be able to understand and accept his reasons when the time came. “And Natsu?” He added as he realised that the Fire mage was already trying to edge towards the door, his heart heavy as he realised how desperate Natsu was to escape and he could hear the strain in the teen’s voice as he replied.

“Yeah?”

“We’re not giving up. I promise that we’ll do everything in our power to find a solution,” Makarov continued solemnly, and when Natsu glanced at him, he couldn’t find the slightest hint of doubt in the dark eyes that met and held his gaze, and despite his own feelings on the situation, he found himself believing those words. “And until then if you need anything, please let us know, it doesn’t matter when or what it is, so please don’t forget that you’re not alone.” _But I am alone_ , Natsu thought as he glanced down, no matter what the others did to try and help, he was going to be the one facing it, and if…when it came to an end he was going to be completely on his own. However, he couldn’t bring himself to voice that thought aloud and instead he settled for nodding slightly and whispering quietly.

“Yeah…Thank you.” There was a lump in his throat as he forced the last bit out, and he trembled as he felt tears finally breaking free and trickling down his cheeks and he hastily dashed them away with a trembling hand, feeling himself beginning to come apart. “I…I need to go,” he managed to force out before practically bolting for the door, relieved when this time they made no move to try and stop him, and he was out of the room before they could think of anything to say.

**

   Out on the landing the noise from the hall downstairs hit him like a tidal wave, and he came to an abrupt halt. Panic racing through his veins as he realised that he was going to have to try and slip out that way, remembering that the back was still being repaired after Juvia had thrown a tantrum about Gray going on a one-off date with a girl from the town. The thought of facing everyone was overwhelming even if they didn’t have a clue what was happening and for a half, a minute he contemplated going back into the infirmary and waiting until it was quieter, but then a violent sob rose in his chest, and he knew that he couldn’t stay. For the first time ever he found himself desperately wishing that he was anywhere, but the guild and fresh tears escaped as he realised that even that was being polluted by his secret and he bit his lip to stop himself from dissolving into sobs right where he was stood.

   It took a couple of minutes for him to move forward, heading towards the stairs on leaden legs even as he scrubbed furiously at his face in an attempt to hide the evidence of his tears, knowing that if anyone spotted them, there was no way he would be able to escape without giving an explanation. His eyes were still stinging, and he could guess that his eyes were still red-rimmed, but there was little he could do about that. Instead, he halted at the top of the stairs, taking a deep breath as he tried to put a blank expression on his face, aware that there was no way he could even try to fake a smile at the moment. _Don’t break down yet. You just need to get home first_ , he told himself sternly as he took another deep breath to try and settle himself. Swallowing as he felt another sob threatening to well up knowing that if he escaped there was no way he was going to hold the rest back, thankfully the fear of breaking down in front of his guild-mates was enough for him to gather himself.

   Once he felt confident that he could hold himself together for the time it was going to take him to get out of the hall he headed down the stairs, his steps faltering as he realised just how much had changed since he’d come up them this morning… _back then I was fearing the worst, but hoping that it would be fixable and now_ …Now he didn’t know how he felt. The worst having being far worse than what he’d imagined and his hope hanging by a thread, and he felt the earlier urge to laugh rising once more, his breath catching for a moment as he fought the urge, and there was a fresh urgency as to his movements as he hurried down the rest of the stairs his gaze now fixated on the doors. The desire to get away from everything building by the second.

“Natsu?” The Dragon-slayer froze as Mira called out to him, barely resisting the urge to just run for the doors, knowing that would only draw everyone’s attention. Instead, he nervously turned towards her, trying desperately to keep his gaze fixated on the ground, although he was relieved that his voice came out steady despite the panic whirling in his chest.

“Hi, Mira…”

“Are you all right?” Mira asked softly as she studied him, feeling something shift in her chest as his eyes flickered up towards her for a moment, the usual bright olive dulled and rimmed with red and she hesitated before stepping closer. Her earlier concern returning ten-fold as she caught the flinch that went through him at her movement, and she halted, her voice trembling slightly as she continued. “You look like…”

“I’m fine,” Natsu cut across her too quickly, and she caught the panic that flickered across his expression before he forced a smile onto his face. Her eyes narrowed as she studied him, the fake expression cutting her to the core. _Natsu you’re not meant to look like that_ …even when Lisanna had disappeared he had managed to smile, to keep going, and she wondered what could have happened that was worse than that, but she didn’t know how to ask. “Just feeling a bit under the weather, so I’m heading home to rest,” his voice broke in the middle, and he glanced away, although not before she caught the sheen of tears in his eyes or the fear that passed over his face. “I’ve got to go,” he added awkwardly before turning and heading for the door before she could say anything.

_You’re lying_ , Mira thought as she watched the Fire mage all but run from the hall, noting the way he veered away from contact with anyone, and she was hard pressed not to go after him. She hadn’t missed how red his eyes were or the faint tear treks staining his cheeks, and all she’d wanted to do was hug him as he’d looked so lost and frightened, emotions that had no place on his face. Biting her lip, she turned and glanced towards the second floor, knowing that something more was going on and that their Master at least was aware of what was happening. _I want to know…I need to know_ …She took a few steps towards the stairs but came to a  halt with a sigh, after all, what right did she have to invade Natsu’s privacy? They were fairly close, but she wasn’t on his team, and if he was going far enough to even lie to her face, he must really want to keep it hidden.

_Natsu, you do realise I’m here for you…don’t you?_

**

   Makarov sighed as he stared out of the infirmary window, watching as Natsu hurried down the road barely avoiding colliding with people and he could only begin to imagine what was going through the teen’s mind right now and he wished that they could’ve convinced the Dragon-slayer to stay at the guild at least until Happy was back.

“Makarov?”

“It isn’t right,” he said softly, not turning as he felt the healer come up alongside him, his gaze drifting across to Kardia Cathedral as he continued. “I’m an old man, and yet I keep surviving whatever is thrown at me. Yet he’s a child, and this is happening…” Even though the Dragonslayer had never given up on his search for the Dragon that had raised him, Makarov had always envisaged him being part of the guild. Hoping to eventually see him settle down and bring his own children into the guild, unable to imagine a Fairy Tail without the hyperactive fire mage. Knowing that there probably wouldn’t even be a Fairy Tail without Natsu. “It’s not fair, he’s done so much to protect us. This whole situation has happened because he needed that extra strength to protect us, and now when he needs us, we can’t protect him.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Porlyusica replied as she leant against the window sill, staring out over the town that she’d once called home with soft eyes.

“But…”

“It was his choice to push his limits, and I bet if you asked him once he’s calmed down, that he’d say that he didn’t regret it.” She cut across him with the ease of long practice, well aware that it was going to take more than words to convince him that he wasn’t too blame for this situation. Sensing his eyes on her she turned to look at him, her expression softening as she realised that he was on the verge of tears and she reached out to lay her hand on his shoulder. “That’s the kind of child he is because he’s one of your brats.”

“Do you think we’ll be able to find a way to fix this?” Makarov asked, knowing that she was right in her assessment of Natsu, although somehow that made the situation feel even worse. Porlyusica sighed at the question, her fingers tensing against him for a moment before she turned her gaze back to the window as she shook her head slowly.

“I honestly don’t know, and I wish I had a better answer for you,” she replied softly, glancing back at him in time to see the despair and disappointment that washed across his face for a moment before he carefully cleared his expression although his voice was heavy with emotion as he replied.

“As do I…”

****

   Natsu had no idea how he’d managed to get home, his mind having dissolved into a dark haze after leaving the guild and everything felt blurred and distant as though he was in a different world to everything else. Finding himself in front of his door he stared blankly at it for several minutes before he managed to gather himself enough to root out his key. Dropping it several times due to his trembling fingers and for a split second, he contemplated lashing out and burning the barrier down, only to come up short as Porlyusica’s words rang through his head. _‘Even everyday use would only speed up the process,_ ’ at once his hands sank back to his side, and he slumped down onto the doorstep as sobs welled up in his chest as the enormity of the situation hit him… _I can’t use my magic. I can’t fight this, and they can’t fix me_ …A note of hysteria entered his voice as he curled in a ball, even the lack of pain from his ribs only serving to highlight his situation and with a small wail he pressed his head against his knees as he finally allowed himself to break down completely.

   Everything was pressing in on him, and he no longer had a way to escape it. He desperately wished that he had never gone to see Makarov, the fear of not knowing what was wrong with him, was nothing to the terror flooding him now and he wished that he could erase the past day from his mind. He’d much rather live in ignorance than try to deal with this. _How was he even supposed to deal with this?_ He had always thought that he could face anything, especially with his friends at his side, and yet now he found himself facing something that neither he nor his friends could fight. _It’s over_. Sniffling he huddled further in on himself, torn between wishing that Happy was there with him so that he wasn’t going through this alone, and being relieved that the Exceed wasn’t there to witness his weakness.

   He wasn’t sure how long he’d sat there lost in his tears, but eventually, he came back to himself as he realised that it was raining on him and he snorted bitterly. Are you weeping for me as well? For some reason, anger rose at that thought, and he swiped a hand across his eyes to clear the lingering tears, wincing slightly as he realised how sore his eyes were before dismissing the pain as he forced himself to his feet. This time his hands were steady as he retrieved the key and unlocked the front door, slipping inside and bolting it behind him, wanting to keep everything out for as long as possible. Although only Happy was likely to come as the others were still angry with him, and that thought brought him up short, his gaze lingering on his pack which he’d abandoned at the bottom of the stairs. _If he didn’t tell them the truth…_

“It doesn’t matter…” he mumbled to himself, the brief spark of anger disappearing as fast as it had come, leaving him feeling exhausted as he headed for the stairs with vague thoughts of sleeping, hoping that maybe things might seem a little better in the morning. _Who am I trying to fool?_ Still, he found himself hesitating beside his pack as his thoughts turned to his friends once more, Makarov’s words echoing in his mind and he knew that the old man was right, they did deserve to know the truth, especially Lucy who’d already been caught up in the chaos his magic was causing, but… “I can’t,” he muttered miserably as he began to climb the stairs, head bowed in defeat as he felt fresh tears on his cheeks, he could endure their anger and disapproval, anything was better than seeing pity in their eyes.

**

    Natsu wasn’t sure how long he’d been sat on the edge of his bed, unable to bring himself to actually try and sleep despite his exhaustion as he feared the dreams that awaited him. Instead, he sat perfectly still his gaze fixated on the far wall although he didn't see anything in front of him, focusing on stopping any solid thoughts from forming as he knew that as soon as they did, he would lose the tentative control he had managed to retain over his emotions. Finally, though the numbness began to melt away and he blinked heavily, horrified to discover that his face was already damp with tears and as he reached up to angrily brush them away he realised just how badly his hands were shaking. For a long moment he just stared at them before lowering them limply back into his lap, his tears untouched as they continued to flow freely down his cheeks, feeling his magic beginning to stir once more but unable to bring himself to care. _What difference was one outburst going to make?_

“I’m going to die,” he whispered aloud for the first time, half-expecting the world to come crashing down around him as he acknowledged the truth of what was happening. Instead, the only thing he felt was a bone-deep emptiness as the words sounded foreign and unnatural in his ears. I can’t be dying…He tried to say it, but the words wouldn’t come past the lump in his throat, and he closed his eyes as he realised that he couldn’t even lie to himself anymore a bitter laugh welling up. In the past, he’d never backed down so easily, always refusing to accept defeat or bad news and yet this time he couldn’t summon up even a tiny spark of defiance, even as he felt his magic fading back into the background once more as the numbness began to creep back over him.

_I’m going to die…_

   Desperate for a reprieve from the thoughts echoing his mind and the tears still trickling down his cheeks he slowly rolled onto his side, missing Happy’s presence as he pulled the covers over himself, only to still in realisation. If he wasn’t allowed to use his magic how was he supposed to work? How was he supposed to take care of Happy? He’d been so distraught at the thought of wasting Igneel’s gift that he had he’d never even considered the more practical implications. _Who’s going to look after Happy when I’m…when I’m…_ Again he found himself unable to complete the thought, fury rising once more only this time it was aimed at himself. At his weakness and his inability to take care of Happy, and he snarled through his tears as he slammed his fist into the bedside table.

“Damn it! Damn it!” Natsu growled, his temper growing as his gaze drifted to the various scorch marks marring the walls from his previous outbursts and he was barely aware of the fact that he was still repeatedly punching the table. It was only when the stinging pain of split skin registered that he realised what he was doing, pulling his hand away with a pained hiss. “Damn it, what the hell am I doing?” He asked softly as he stared at his hand, blood now trickling from his knuckles as his anger drained away just as quickly as it had arrived and he drew the injured limb back against himself, unable to summon the energy to get up and take care of it. Instead, he tried to focus on the pain in an effort to keep the other thoughts at bay, not wanting to think about it anymore, and fed up of bouncing between irrational anger at nothing and everything and fear.

   Still, the pain could only keep the thoughts at bay for so long, and his previous fears began to slip in once more and he huddled under the covers wishing that it was as easy to hide from his emotions. It was only as he buried his face into the folds of his scarf that something else occurred to him and he stilled, fresh tears trickling down his cheeks even though he’d thought that he’d already exhausted them and he sniffled as he gripped the scarf tightly. _Igneel…_ He’d been so consumed by the thought of not being able to use the magic that his foster father had given him, concern over how he was going to provide for himself and Happy and the fear of what was to come, that it had never fully penetrated his thoughts. It hadn’t registered that he was never going to get the chance to find the Dragon. He’d spent every year since Igneel had vanished searching for his father, but he had never found even the slightest clue as to where he’d disappeared to…there was no way he was going to be able to succeed in the space of a single year, especially if the outbursts got as bad as Porlyusica had implied. _I’m never going to get to see him again…_

   What little hope and courage he’d been clinging to throughout his meltdown shattered in that instance, a broken wail escaping as he desperately clutched his scarf, pressing his face against the pillow in a weak attempt to stem the flood of tears even as it felt like his heart was tearing itself to shreds in his chest. No matter what had happened before, he’d always managed to hold onto the belief that one day he would manage to find Igneel and learn why he’d been left behind all those years ago. It had been his strength and motivation, the reason why he had been able to move forward even after Lisanna’s ‘death’ and after their failure against Acnologia, and he’d thought that as he had that to aim for he could face anything that was thrown his way…But now, the image of his father seemed to waver and dissolve in front of him even as he desperately stretched a hand out to try and grasp it, his fingers closing on thin air as he broke into heaving sobs even as he whispered brokenly.

"I’m so sorry Igneel…”


	9. Chapter 9

Two days later:

   Natsu’s eyes were blank as he stared at the far wall of his room, desperately trying to keep his mind from focusing on everything, although he had yet to find a way to completely silence the fears whispering at the edge of his thoughts. He had spent the last two days alternating between bouts of uncontrollable anger. His hands bearing the evidence of that anger from where he’d lashed out at whatever had been in front of him at the time, and curling up in his bed either crying or trying to block everything out so that he could get a reprieve from the thoughts and feelings churning away inside his chest. The realisation about Igneel had left him feeling even more adrift before, and the tiny spark of hope he’d still been clinging to that Porlyusica might still find a cure seemed to have been completely extinguished. A choked sob slipped free as his thoughts slammed into him full force once more, and he desperately tried to swallow the next one back as he rolled onto his back.

   Unfortunately, that just let him stare at the scorch mark now marring the ceiling above the bed. He’d woken the day before with his magic raging just beneath the surface of his skin, and there had been no chance for him to try and rein it in before his flames had burst out from him. The outburst had left him gasping and trembling, tears trickling down his cheeks as he was faced with the reality of the situation, the thought that this was going to get worse. That he was going to become even more dangerous crashing down on him. More than once that day he’d contemplated just leaving. Disappearing so that his friends weren’t at risk from his unstable magic and to spare them from having to witness what he was going to go through, well aware that he wouldn’t be able to keep it secret forever. However, the thought of leaving his friends and family behind was just as unbearable as the thought about what was happening to him. Maybe it was selfish of him, but he wanted to spend as long as he could with them, even if that meant they were going to have to endure watching his slow decline.

_I’m not ready to say goodbye to them…_

   He doubted that he would ever be ready to say goodbye to them, and he could feel fresh tears slipping onto his cheeks as he rolled back onto his side to stare at the picture on the table. Reedus had painted it when they returned from one of their first jobs as a team after Wendy had joined them and they all looked happy and innocent. For a moment his eyes lingered on himself, unable to mesh that version of himself with how he felt at the moment and he found himself having to glance away. Instead, turning he found himself staring at Happy, feeling fresh anxiety forming in his stomach as he studied his partner’s broad grin. _What am I supposed to do?_

   In the brief moments of calm that had come, he’d been trying to work out both what he was going to tell Happy when he came back, and what he was meant to do about work and providing for his partner. The first terrified him as he had no idea how he was supposed to break this kind of news, especially when he still hadn’t properly accepted it himself, and yet it wasn’t something he could put off as he knew that the Exceed would be demanding answers as soon as he got back.  While the latter weighed heavily on his mind, especially when he’d forced himself to comb the house and realised just how little they had saved up. He knew that he should go and talk to Makarov about it, reasonably sure that the issue would have already occurred to the older man. It was probably one of the reasons he hadn’t wanted Natsu to just take off the other day, but the thought of going to the guild at the moment was unbearable. He didn’t want to see the grief in the old man’s eyes or be forced to sit there and listen to everyone going about their lives like normal, knowing that his own had just been turned inside out.

    Sighing he reached out and laid the picture down flat, the reminder of happier times too much to bear at the moment before closing his eyes as he forced himself to turn his thoughts back to what he was going to tell Happy. He’d half-expected them back the day before, which meant that it was unlikely that he was going to have another day’s respite and yet he didn’t have the faintest idea of what he was going to do about his best friend.

_Happy…_

****

   Happy let out a sigh of relief when Magnolia station came into sight, at last, already reaching for his bag before the others had even realised that they were nearly back. He hadn’t been able to focus on the job at all, worry for his partner and regret for agreeing to leave him behind eating away at him and he knew that his behaviour was increasing the other’s concerns for the Dragonslayer, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull on a cheerful mask. _Natsu_ , he closed his eyes for a moment as he remembered the expression on Natsu’s face the last time he’d seen him, and when he opened them once more, he couldn’t help glancing across at Erza. She hadn’t said a thing about the missing Dragon-slayer while they were away, but more than once they’d caught her staring off into the distance with a worried frown and they knew she was missing Natsu just as much as they were. But at the same time, they all knew that there was no way she would back down on the issue of letting Natsu back on the team, at least until he told them what was going on.

_I just hope the Master had some answers for him_ , he knew that was the main reason that Natsu had been staying silent and if Makarov could give them answers, then the Fire mage would no longer have any reason to keep quiet about what was going on. And yet the Exceed couldn’t shake his worry that it was wasn’t going to be that easy. Natsu wasn’t the only one who’d been doing research in the library, although the Exceed had been a lot subtler about it, and he hadn’t been able to find anything that sounded even remotely like what was happening to his partner. _But the Master knows a lot more about magic than we do, he has to know what’s happening to Natsu…he has to_. Then there was the question of whether or not they were answers that Natsu wanted, as he knew just how frightened Natsu about what was going on, and he mewed softly as he realised that at some point that fear had been transmitted to him and he’d just been hiding it under concern and reassurances _. I’m scared_ …

“Natsu-san will be fine,” he glanced up in surprise to find that Wendy had come to sit next to him, staring at him with warm eyes and a soft smile, although even she wasn’t able to completely mask her concern for the missing Dragon-slayer. “He’s probably been driving everyone up the wall while we were away,” she added with a small laugh and despite himself Happy felt his lips quirking upwards.

“Aye.”

_I hope you’re right._

****

   Makarov muttered irritably under his breath as he set aside the papers he’d been trying unsuccessfully to work on all morning, rubbing a hand over his eyes as he sat back in his chair. It had been a long couple of days since Porlyusica had given him the news about what was happening with Natsu, and he’d found it impossible to focus on anything else. It didn’t help that she had left the same day to start trying to find something that would help the Dragon-slayer, pointing out that as his condition worsened she would need to stay at the guild, and therefore she needed to make the most of the time that she had. He’d started to search their own library, but he could vaguely recall seeing Natsu in there fairly often in the last few months and guessed that the Fire mage had been seeking his own answers and he doubted he would find anything new.

   They were going to need more help, but until Natsu gave him permission to share the truth, there was no way he could tell any of his brats what was happening, although Mira and Levy would have been assets in the search for answers. He had hoped to try and bring that up with the Dragon-slayer since he’d taken off after getting the news, not that he could really blame Natsu for wanting to stay away from the guild for the time being. As not only had his hope for positive answers and a solution been dashed, but it would probably be unbearable for him to sit and watch others using their magic like normal. He sighed glancing down at his hand and allowing a little of his own power come out to play, what must it be like to fear your own magic? And to be unable to use it? Even now that he no longer took jobs he found himself needing to use his magic every day, it was too large a part of his life to be just pushed aside, and yet that’s exactly what they were asking Natsu to do.

   It was only after Porlyusica had left that day and he’d retreated to his office to try and get his thoughts together that the full implications of the situation had hit him. He’d been so focused on the what was eventually going to happen, that he hadn’t allowed himself to consider the impacts it was going to have in the near future both for Natsu personally and the guild as a whole. Without his magic there was no way that Natsu would be able to work and if the Dragon-slayer had stayed true to form he probably only had a little saved up, which meant that they would need to find an alternative as he knew that there was no way the Fire mage would accept charity.

    And a small smile slipped free as he recalled the stubborn, pink-haired child who’d adamantly refused to let them take care of him when he first arrived, insisting on getting to work as soon as possible so that he could pay his own way. Of course, thinking back to then reminded him of the fact that he wasn’t going to get to see the brat grow up. And his vision was somewhat misty as he glanced across at the pile of job flyers waiting to go on the board. Maybe he could talk to Mira about having Natsu help out in the bar? Or there was always Yajima’s café. Not that Natsu would particularly be happy about either after all that boy was born to fight.

   Filing those thoughts away for when Natsu finally showed up again so he could discuss it with him, refusing to make any choices for the Fire mage, especially when everything else seemed to be running out of Natsu’s control, he turned his thoughts to the guild as a whole. He knew that he was going to have to tell them something, as they would soon notice that Natsu wasn’t using his magic. Plus there was too much chance of people like Gray and Gajeel annoying him to the point where he forgot that he wasn’t supposed to be using it, and he’d already decided on a semi-truth, not wanting to risk too much of a backlash for the Dragon-slayer when the full truth came out, and it would come out. Natsu had done a worryingly good job of concealing his problems until recently, but it was clear that was changing and if Porlyusica’s warnings were correct it was only going to get worse and eventually they would no longer be able to conceal it. Not that we should be hiding it anyway…

   If there was anything he regretted from the other day apart from his lack of helpful information, it was his inability to convince Natsu to tell his teammates at least what was happening, and not just because he knew they weren’t going to handle it well when they did find out. But because Natsu needed them. While he was relieved that the Dragon-slayer was at least going to tell Happy what was happening, there was only so much that one Exceed was going to be able to do, especially as Happy was going to be devastated at the news. He just hoped that Natsu realised that he needed the others before it was too late, as it would be much better for them to be told before something really bad happened. Of course, that was his other concern, because no matter how much they might bicker and fight he knew that everyone in the guild cared for the Fire Mage. And this news when it came out in its entirety was going to be a blow to the very heart of their guild, and there was no way that he could see to lessen the blow.

“Master?” Makarov jolted slightly at the sudden voice, wiping a hand briefly across his face before turning to find Mira sticking her head through the door and staring at him with concern. He caught the way her eyes drifted to the piles of paperwork, no doubt noting his lack of progress and he hastily spoke to stop her from nagging at him.

“What is it, Mira?”

“Erza and the others are back,” Mira replied with a slight frown, and Makarov sighed at her words, he’d been hoping that he would have a little more time to gather his thoughts before talking to them about Natsu, although he supposed that it was better to get over and done with as soon as possible.

“Thank you.” He said with a sigh. “Can you ask Happy to come up here for a moment, and then get everyone gathered as I have something to say to everyone.”

“About Natsu?” Mira asked before she could stop herself, blinking as she took in his startled expression before ducking her head. “Sorry, I know he was up here the other day, and I was worried.”

“Yes, it’s about Natsu,” Makarov admitted softly, knowing that there was no point in lying to her about that, catching the concern in her eyes as she looked back at him and he knew that she wasn’t just going to drop the matter even before she opened her mouth to ask.

“What…?”

“I’ll tell you when I speak to everyone else,” Makarov cut across her gently. Knowing that he had to be careful what he said around her as she was a lot sharper than she pretended to be half the time, and while he might disagree with Natsu’s secrecy, he wasn’t about to go against the Dragonslayer’s wishes. “Please Mira.”

“Fine…” She agreed reluctantly after a moment before disappearing to carry out his requests.

**

   It was only a few minutes later that there was another knock on the door before it creaked open and Happy peered in, a worried expression on his face and Makarov sighed before gesturing for the Exceed to come in and close the door.

“Master?” Happy asked in concern, not liking the grim expression on the old man’s face, especially when there had been no sign of his partner in the guild hall. That had been concerning enough, but then Lisanna had informed them that he hadn’t been around at all the last couple of days, as Natsu never avoided the guild for that long. Even as the outburst had become more frequent, he’d not allowed it to interfere with his time in the guild, and so the change was disquieting. “Is this about Natsu…?” _Natsu, you did keep your word, right?_

“It is…he came to see me the other and tell me about what was going on,” Makarov said softly, unsure of what to make of the sheer relief that flickered across the Exceed’s face before Happy’s gaze sharpened and his expression turned pleading as he stared up at him.

“Were you able to help?” Do you know what’s wrong?”

“Happy,” Makarov interrupted him gently, waiting until the Exceed took a deep breath and calmed down enough to nod at him to continue. “I need you to go and see Natsu. I can’t tell you what was said as it’s up to him to tell you, but it wasn’t good news.”

“It wasn’t…?” Happy’s expression fell, the reassurances he had been giving his partner that everything would be okay echoing through his mind. _Was I wrong?_ He stated at Makarov for a long moment, trying to work out what could have happened, sure that it couldn’t be as bad as all that and yet the Master’s expression was grim and closed off, and he felt his confidence waver. _It can’t be too bad…can it?_ Makarov sighed and shook his head, well aware that this was going to be nearly as hard on Happy as it was on Natsu as the two had always been inseparable and he could see the Exceed already trying to convince himself that it wasn’t too serious, and his voice was gentle as he continued.

“He needs you.”

“What about the others?” Happy asked uncertainly, well aware that they had been just as alarmed by the news that Natsu hadn’t been to the guild as he was, and if Natsu needed him, then he was definitely going to need the rest of them.

“I have some stuff to tell them, but Natsu still doesn’t want them to know everything,” Makarov admitted softly, and Happy’s expression fell. No way was going to go down well, and he was worried about what would happen if the split in the team lasted too long. _Damn it Natsu you were supposed to tell them when you had some answers…_

“That idiot,” he settled for muttering instead before straightening. “I’m going home.” He didn’t wait for a response as he turned and hurried for the door, determined to find Natsu and get some answers out of him…and hopefully drive some common sense into his partner.

“Happy…” Makarov called just as he reached the door, and the Exceed immediately turned back as he caught the concerned tone in his voice. “Remind him that I’m here if he needs anything.” The Exceed hesitated for a moment before nodding silently as he slipped out of the door, however, even as he took to the air and shot towards the exit he couldn’t shake Makarov’s worried expression from his thoughts. He couldn’t remember ever seeing their Master look like that, and it almost seemed as though he had aged considerably since they’d last seen him and he let out a worried mew.

_What is going on?_

****

   Happy was breathing heavily by the time their house came into sight, having used his magic to push himself to greater speeds the moment he left the guild. _I should never have left him alone_ , he thought as he recalled how Natsu had looked when he was urging him to go on the job with the others. Honestly, what had he been thinking of listening to the idiot after everything that had happened? ‘He needs you’, Makarov’s words echoed in his mind, and he sped up, gritting his teeth as he silently promised that no matter what Natsu tried he was going to shift from his partner’s side until everything was resolved.

_Wait for me Natsu!_

**

   Natsu sighed as he rolled over once more, his hands buried in his scarf although it no longer felt as comforting as it had only a few days before, bringing to mind the promise he’d made to Igneel the day he’d disappeared. _I’ll find you Dad, and I’ll make sure you can never leave me behind again!_ Sniffling at that thought, he turned so that he could press his face into the pillow, trying to stop the tears from falling, unable to believe that he had any left to shed even as he felt some slipping free. The anger that had been present the last couple of days seemed to have dissipated for the time being, and instead, he felt drained and empty, and yet every time he thought that he’d blocked everything out another traitorous thought would slip in and set everything off once more.

   He was about to roll back over and try to have a nap, not that sleep brought much relief from his fears and worries as he’d been plagued with nightmares for the past few nights when there was a noise from outside the room. Natsu tensed for a moment, before frowning as he sniffed the air and realised that it was Happy coming in through the hall window, curling in on himself for a moment as he heard the Exceed calling for him. _I’m not ready_ …He’d thought up nearly a dozen ways to try and tell his partner what was happening, even contemplated taking off so he could put this moment off and thought up lies that he could tell. But he knew that he couldn’t do that to Happy, and yet now that he was faced with the task itself he had no idea what he was going to do. _Go away. Please go away…_ However, he could hear the cat heading for the bedroom, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment to try and force back tears that he could feel beginning to form, knowing that he couldn’t fall apart just yet.

   Sniffling slightly, he slipped out from under the covers as he realised that he was going to have to face this, and he wanted to show as little weakness as possible even if he did feel like he was still crumbling into tiny pieces inside. Wiping his face, he tried to force himself to get to his feet to go and meet the Exceed, but he found himself unable to bring himself to move even when he heard Happy calling for him again. Gritting his teeth, he tried to force out a response, but even his voice seemed reluctant to work, and after a moment he bowed his head in defeat. _I don’t want to do this…_ He knew that part of it was concern about how Happy would react and behave around him, but it was more than that. It had been bad enough to hear it from Porlyusica and Gramps, but somehow the thought of actually telling someone else made everything that much more real and he wasn’t ready for that.

**

“Natsu…” Happy asked cautiously as he stepped into the bedroom, knowing that the Dragonslayer must be aware of his presence although the teen gave no sign of having heard him. He came up short as he found Natsu sat on the far side of the bed, his head bowed and his gaze fixated on the floor, and there wasn’t the slightest indication that he was aware of the fact that Happy was stood there. For a moment he hesitated, before recalling Makarov’s words once more, and with those echoing in his mind he squared his shoulders and circled around to the other side of the bed, although he faltered as he finally got a good look at Natsu’s face. The Dragon-slayer was pale, with dark shadows under his eyes and drying tear tracks that suggested he had been crying recently, and a lead weight settled in his stomach. He knew from experience how much it took to make Natsu like this, and he swallowed hard, all his reassurances that everything would be fine coming back to haunt him and it took him a moment to find his voice once more. “Natsu what’s going on? I know you spoke to our Master; did he tell you what’s wrong with your magic?”

“Yeah…” Natsu whispered as he finally turned to look at the Exceed, and Happy swallowed hard at the fear in the olive eyes that met his. He had become somewhat accustomed to seeing Natsu afraid, as the Fire mage hadn’t been as efficient at hiding his fear over the outbursts as he’d thought, but there was something more to this fear, and for a moment Happy wanted to back away, and let them both forget about his question.

“And?” He prompted finally as he gathered his courage, knowing that there was no way he could leave Natsu to face this on his own. Not when he looked like this, but it didn’t stop his voice from shaking wildly as he asked. “It’s bad isn’t it…?”

“Yeah...”

“How bad?” Happy forced himself to ask, not sure if he really wanted to know as he caught the anguished expression on the Dragon-slayer’s face before Natsu glanced away and he steadied himself. He needed to know so that he knew how to help his partner, and his voice was slightly calmer as pleaded with the Dragon-slayer. “Natsu, please tell me.”

“I…” Natsu trailed off unable to force the words out. He’d thought that he’d managed to prepare himself for this moment, that he’d at least be able to get the words out to tell his partner what was going on and yet he found himself choking up. Happy already looked scared and worried, and Natsu didn’t want to be the one that intensified those emotions. He didn’t want any of this to be real, and answering that question would strip away the last strand of denial that he was clinging to. _Don’t make me say it…_

“Natsu!”

“I’m dying,” Natsu shuddered as the words crept out, huddling in on himself as the enormity of the situation hit him once more, and he desperately clasped his hands together, using the pain from his bandaged fingers to stop himself from slipping into the haze that had been preventing him from really thinking about his situation. As much as he wanted to block the truth out for as long as possible, he knew that there was no way Happy was going to accept that news quietly.

   Happy had frozen the moment that Natsu’s words had registered and for a moment his thoughts stuttered to a halt. _Dying? Natsu is dying?_ That was so far from what he’d been expecting that he had no idea how to react, and instead, he found himself staring wide-eyed at his partner, waiting for the punchline or a little quirk of the lips to show that it was a joke…a lie. There was no way Natsu could be dying, he had been having a few problems with his magic, but that wasn’t enough to kill someone, was it? His eyes drifted to the scorch marks on the wall, his mind flashing back to the outburst that he and Lucy had got caught up in and he swallowed as he realised that he had been lying to himself about how serious the situation was. But Natsu can’t be dying, no matter how bad things are…that just isn’t possible…

“What?” He finally managed to ask, blinking as he tried to clear his whirling thoughts, words falling from his mouth before he could even think about what he was saying. “No…What kind of joke is that?”

“It isn’t a joke,” Natsu replied bitterly, his tone harsher than he intended as he flashed back to how he’d longed for it to be a joke and he dropped his eyes as he caught the hurt in the huge eyes watching his every movement. He clenched his hands in his lap, what was he doing. Happy had been there for him from the start, had kept his secrets even though he was clearly worried so why was he trying to push him away now? Forcing himself to relax slightly he glanced up at Happy, and his voice was much softer as he added quietly. “I would never joke about something like this.”

“But…” Happy protested weakly, already knowing from the moment Natsu had told him what was happening that it wasn’t a joke, but accepting that meant accepting that he was going to lose the Dragon-slayer. That he was going to lose the person that had raised him and been there at his side from the moment he hatched and he found himself unable to speak properly. “But…”

“I’m sorry,” Natsu whispered as he glanced down at the floor. This was why he didn’t want to tell his friends. He didn’t want them to have to share the shock and fear that he was feeling, didn’t want to see them fall apart as they realised that this was something they couldn’t fight. The only comfort he could find from the situation was that he hadn’t been able to see any pity in the Exceed’s eyes, certain that he really would have fallen to pieces if he had.

“You idiot!” Happy shouted, the quiet apology snapping him out of his shock and he stared in disbelief at Natsu who’d jolted at the sudden shout. “What the hell are you apologising for?” He demanded heatedly, unable to believe that Natsu was actually sat there trying to apologise for the fact that he was dying. But he could tell from his partner’s expression that he really felt as though he needed to apologise, and the Exceed felt his eyes stinging. _Oh, Natsu…_

“I…”

“Natsu,” Happy finally found himself able to move, quickly closing the distance between them and clambering up onto the bed beside the Dragon-slayer, waiting until Natsu glanced at him before reaching out and wrapping his arms around the Fire Mage. Now that his own shock and horror were beginning to fade a little, he realised that Natsu was already giving up and now Makarov’s words made even more sense and his eyes narrowed. There was no way he was going to let Natsu admit defeat. There had to be a way to fix this. _And if there wasn’t…._ then he would make sure that Natsu knew that he wasn’t alone and that he kept fighting as long as possible. I just hope that’s not all I can do. “This isn’t your fault! And I refuse to let you go without a fight! I don’t believe for a moment that we won’t find a solution to this!” _We have to find a solution to this, I can’t lose you Natsu…No, we can’t lose you._

“But…”

“We’re Fairy Tail,” Happy interrupted him softly, and Natsu blinked at him in surprise, derailed from his protest although his mouth hung open as though he still wanted to continue. The Exceed waited until Natsu met his gaze before adding as cheerfully as he could, although he didn’t miss the slight waver in his own voice. “Doing the impossible is what we do best.”

   Natsu could only stare at the Exceed in stunned silence, of all the things he’d been expecting his partner to say that hadn’t been one of him and despite himself he felt the weight on his shoulders lessening slightly as he took in the cat’s smile. It was strained and weaker than usual, but it wasn’t fake, and he could tell that Happy truly believed what he’d just said...'We’re Fairy Tail'…He glanced down at the mark on his shoulder, his eyes softening as he reached up to lay a hand over it. He’d been so lost in his fear and worries, and the fact that he couldn’t use his magic that he’d forgotten the very simple fact that he was still a Fairy Tail mage, and even if he couldn’t work he knew that was the one thing that was going to change. Even if he couldn’t bring himself to fully believe that they could achieve the impossible this time, there was something stabilising about being reminded that not everything was going to change because of this.

“I’m not sure I can believe that…” He admitted softly as he turned back to Happy who was watching him with a worried frown, holding up his hand as the Exceed immediately opened his mouth to protest, and for the first time in days his lips quirked up in a weak attempt at a smile. “But…Thank you.”

****

   Makarov hesitated before stepping out of his office, easily able to hear the curious chatter from down below and aware that rumours must be flying around as he rarely gathered them like this unless it was something exciting like S-class trials, or there was a threat to the guild as a whole. He sighed as he contemplated that, because this was a threat to the guild, a threat to its very self and yet he wasn’t even going to tell them that. _Natsu…_ The Dragon-slayer’s face flickered through his mind, and he straightened, if there were nothing else he could do to help the Fire mage at the moment, then he would do this, even if it went against what he really wanted to do and he strode forward with fresh determination.

“I need everyone’s attention!” He called as he sprang up onto the balcony, startled as usual at the speed at which silence fell over the guild. His brats were always so noisy, and yet at the slightest hint of a threat they could become more serious than any other mages he’d ever met, and he couldn’t quite keep the pride out of his gaze as he studied them for a moment.

“Master? What’s going on?” Erza called up to him with a worried frown, pulling him forcefully back into the present and he sighed before bowing his head.

“I have something to tell you all, and I want you to save your questions till the end,” Makarov said, his voice carrying easily across the guild and he waited until he got nods of agreement from everyone before continuing. “As I’m sure you’re all aware, Natsu had some trouble on the last job. He came to me the other day, and we had Porlyusica take a look at him, and it seems that his magic is dangerously strained at the moment, considering the last few months that isn’t too surprising.” _At least it's relatively close to the truth…_

“What?” Gray demanded heatedly, scowling fiercely although it did little to hide his concern as he grumbled loudly. “That idiot, why didn’t he say anything?”

“I suggest you ask Natsu,” Makarov replied, hoping that maybe if they actually spoke to the Dragon-slayer, it might make Natsu change his mind about keeping it secret. _I hope_. Coughing he turned back to the guild as a whole, his expression turning sterner as he continued. “What this means is that for the foreseeable future he has to avoid using his magic, giving both it and his body chance to recover.” He felt his composure slipping slightly at his words, the uncertainty over whether they could find a solution weighing heavily on him and he had to wait a couple of minutes before he was able to continue without giving himself away. “In that time I want to ask that you all avoid riling him up like usual, as it is vital that he doesn’t use his magic and we all know how hot-headed he is.” His gaze lingered on Gray and Gajeel in particular as he finished and they squirmed under the force of it, although they didn’t make any move to protest and he nodded in satisfaction.

“Are you sure he’s going to be okay?” Lucy asked anxiously, nudging Gray in the ribs as the Ice mage continued to mutter under his breath about how idiotic the Dragon-slayer was for not just telling them what was going on.

   Makarov tensed at the question, so far he had managed to avoid outright lying to them, but if he answered her there was no way he could avoid it without betraying Natsu. He caught the way that Erza’s eyes narrowed at his tension and hesitation and he knew that Mira was probably wearing a similar expression, and biting his lip he nodded sharply, unable to bring himself to actually lie aloud. _Forgive me_ …

“As you can all no doubt understand Natsu is currently rather stressed about the situation, so I’ll ask that you give him some time to himself,” he continued once he’d gathered himself, sweating slightly as he felt Erza’s gaze burning into him and he was eager to finish and retreat to his office. He dreaded to think how she was going to react when she finally learnt the truth. “Other than that please continue as normal, and try not to pester him too much about the situation.” Bowing his head, he climbed down from his perch, already hearing chatter beginning to break out, and he knew that everyone would be talking about it for some time, and he just hoped they’d tone it down if…when Natsu came back to the guild. Sighing he turned and hurried back to his office, hoping to avoid any more awkward questions.

**

“I can’t believe Natsu didn’t tell us something like this,” Lucy muttered as she shifted in her seat, half-tempted to ignore Makarov’s words and go and find the idiot so that she could tell him off and make sure that he was okay. She knew how much he loved his magic, so being banned from using it must’ve been one hell of a shock for him, and she found herself instinctively reaching for her keys, shuddering at the thought of being banned from using her own magic. _I wouldn’t be able to stand it…_

“The idiot probably didn’t want to worry us,” Gray replied quietly, his brows furrowed in concern as he glanced around the guild and taking in the worried conversations going around them. “Although he didn’t really succeed at that…”

“There’s something more going on,” Erza said grimly, and they all turned to look at her, startled to find her staring up at the second floor towards the Master’s office with a surprisingly dark glint to her gaze, and they exchanged worried looks before Lucy spoke up cautiously.

“Erza?”

“The Master wasn’t telling us the whole truth,” the red-head explained with a sigh, her expression softening a little as she turned to look at them.

“Huh?” Lucy asked, before turning to glance up at where the Master had stood to talk to them. She hadn’t noticed anything about what he’d said, but then she had been more focused on what was happening with Natsu. “How could you tell?”

“He’s too honest, so he always gives himself away,” Erza said with a fond smile; usually it was when he was doing something that he shouldn’t be doing. Then her expression darkened once more, as it was clear that this wasn’t a usual situation and she shook her head uncertainly. “I just don’t understand why he would need to lie about this…”

“You don’t suppose Natsu’s worse off than he made it sound?” Gray asked nervously, knowing better than to just brush aside her intuition, after all, she had more experience with Makarov in his capacity as guild master than they did. Lucy and Wendy who had been listening to them with a worried expression exchanged alarmed looks at his words, it had been bad enough to learn that their friend was struggling with his magic, but the thought that it might be even more serious than all that was terrifying. However, before either of them could say anything Erza had risen to her feet with a determined expression.

“I don’t know, but I intend to find out.”

****

A couple of hours later:

   Happy sighed as he stared down at Natsu, the Dragon-slayer having dropped off to sleep a little while ago, noting that even in sleep his partner looked stressed and frightened. Unable to resist he reached out and gently stroked a paw through the bed-mussed hair, eyes softening as Natsu snuffled slightly at the gentle touch before settling with a slightly easier expression. He hadn’t really known what to make of Natsu thanking him earlier, but then they’d spent the last couple of hours curled up in the bed as the Dragon-slayer hesitantly relayed everything that had happened with Makarov and Porlyusica. It was clear that he’d struggled to speak about the prognosis he’d been given, and the Exceed had been hard pressed to keep his own expression level. _They don’t know how to fix it_ …Somehow he’d been clinging to that belief even after Natsu had said that he was…that he was dying, and it had only been the fact that Natsu was on the verge of breaking down that had allowed himself to hold himself together.

   It had been even harder to keep his composure when Natsu had gone on to tell him about the past couple of days, telling him all the fears and thoughts that had pressed in on him during his self-imposed solitude, and his heart had ached to hear the Dragon-slayer sounded so lost and defeated. And yet he couldn’t find the words to comfort him, a knot forming in his stomach as he realised that unless they were able to find a solution those fears might well come true. Instead, the only thing he’d been able to do was to take care of the self-inflicted wounds on Natsu’s hands, quietly scolding the Dragon-slayer as he cleaned them out and bandaged, unnerved by the quiet compliance and he’d been somewhat relieved when Natsu had dozed off a short while later.

   It was only when he was certain that Natsu was deeply asleep that he finally allowed his composure to crack, feeling dampness on his cheeks and realising that he must have been crying for a while without realising. Yanking his paw back from Natsu’s hair, he covered his face as he tried to smother the noises threatening to slip free, well aware of how sharp his partner’s hearing was and wanting to avoid waking him. _Natsu…_ It wasn’t fair he thought bitterly, staring at the Dragon-slayer through tear-blurred eyes _, why did this happen to Natsu_? Hearing that this was happening because of all the times Natsu had eaten strange magic was a bitter pill to swallow. Natsu had only done that to save them, so how was it fair that he was paying the price? His own words of warning in the Celestial Spirit word after Natsu had eaten the strange purple gunk coming back to haunt him. Had he jinxed his partner?

   Shaking his head fiercely he scrubbed at his cheeks, blinking as he tried in vain to stop the tears from falling. He couldn’t afford to think like that. He couldn’t let himself get caught up in his own feelings at the moment, especially as Natsu had admitted that was one of his main concerns, that Happy and their other friends would start to look at him differently. At the time Happy had promised that he wouldn’t, but as he stared at the Fire mage he wasn’t sure that he would be able to keep his word. _I’m losing you, how am I not meant to look at you as though you’re about to disappear?_ Perhaps it was foolish, but he’d never once contemplated his life without Natsu in it, even during the worst of their arguments and the mere thought of it terrified him. _I don’t want to lose him…_

“Natsu…” He whispered as he straightened, fresh tears still damp on his cheek even as he adopted a determined expression, struggling to keep his voice from getting too loud. “We’re going to fight this. I don’t know if we can win, but we’re going to fight until the end.”

_And I’ll be right there beside you…_


	10. Chapter 10

Three days later:

   Natsu hesitated in front of the front door, his hands trembling slightly as he reached up to readjust his scarf for the umpteenth time in the last few minutes. The thought of actually stepping out of the house, let alone going to the guild and facing the others far more daunting now than it had been when he’d told Happy they were going to Fairy Tail an hour ago, and he found himself wishing that he had never suggested it, but he refused to take it back. It had been a relief having the last few days to try and pull himself back into some semblance of normal. Although he hadn’t been as successful as he’d hoped, but there was only so long that he could put the outside world on hold, and he was somewhat surprised that no one had tried to beat down his door yet.

“We don’t have to go,” Happy spoke up softly as he realised the Dragon-slayer was hesitating, moving to stand beside his partner and peering up at him with worried eyes. Although they’d done nothing but rest at home for the past few days Natsu looked awful, his skin paler than usual and his eyes were red-rimmed and framed by dark shadows. There was no way anyone was going to believe him if he tried to tell them he was alright, and it was clear that Natsu didn’t really want to go even if he had been the one to suggest that they go “If…”

“I can’t hide at home forever,” Natsu replied softly, turning to glance at the Exceed and his expression softened as he met the other’s worried gaze. _That’s right, that’s why I need to this_ …If it had been just him, he might have given in to the temptation to hide away until he was dragged out, but he knew that Happy needed more company than he could provide.

   The Exceed had been amazing the last few days, happy to sit with him silently whenever Natsu wasn’t in the mood to talk or there ready to listen when everything spilled out, and he always been there when the Dragon-slayer jolted awake from a nightmare. Yet Natsu was fully aware that the calm mask was little more than a façade. More than once he had woken to find that Happy had slipped out of the room, only to find the Cat huddled in the living room sobbing his heart out. On the first night, he had gone to him, trying to soothe his friend’s pain even though he couldn’t even handle on his own, but the Exceed had immediately wiped away the tears and pulled on a forced smile, insisting that he was fine even as fresh tears had trickled free. Since then Natsu hadn’t been able to bring himself to go to the other whenever he woke to find the Exceed was gone, the painful mask far worse than the tears. And it had been the realisation that Happy needed the others even if he couldn’t talk about everything that had happened that had pushed Natsu into suggesting they go back to the guild.

“But…”

“You miss the others,” Natsu pointed out gently, holding out a hand to stall the Exceed as Happy immediately opened his mouth to protest. “Besides I still need to talk to Gramps about work,” he added with a grimace, glancing down at his hands and closing his eyes as he imagined wrapping his flames around them once more. He still hadn’t fully accepted the idea that he couldn’t use his magic, and more than once he’d found himself instinctively going to use it only for Happy to stop him with panicked eyes. Not that refraining from using it seemed to have had any effect on the outbursts so far. He’d had a couple each day, although so far they had proven to be less powerful than the ones he’d been having, but he had no idea how long that was going to last, and he knew that he needed to do what he could do while he could.

“I can work!” Happy protested as he had several times over the last few days, and Natsu smiled slightly at him as he knew that it was offer born of concern, not pity, but he still shook his head, and his voice was soft but unapologetic as he replied.

“I know you can. But I want to work…I need to work,” his gaze turned distant for a moment as he glanced away with a sigh. He knew that it was a form of denial, but he desperately needed to have something to hold onto at the moment, something to keep him distracted even if it wouldn’t work forever. There must have been something in either his tone or expression that conveyed that because after a moment Happy let out a sigh, nodding reluctantly as he took a step back with a soft mew.

“Fine…” He muttered under his breath, clearly not happy with the situation and his eyes when he glanced up again were fierce. “But later, when…when…” Happy trailed off, unable to say what he was trying to say aloud because that would mean making it real, but Natsu understood all the same, and there was a terse smile on his face as he turned and crouched in front of his partner. _When I can no longer work, when I’m nothing but a burden…_

“Yeah,” Natsu agreed softly reaching out to rest his hand briefly on Happy’s head, relieved when the Exceed didn’t comment on the fact that he was trembling slightly. They remained like that for a moment, and it was only when Happy’s posture had relaxed slightly that he removed his hand, rising to his feet with a sigh. “Come on let’s go.” If they stayed here they were just going to remain bogged down in their thoughts and worries, and he knew that wasn’t doing either of them any good, even if he didn’t particularly want to face the real world either. _I want to go back in time, I want to go back to before all of this_ …Yet he knew that it was impossible and that even if he could go back, nothing would change. If he hadn’t eaten that magic back then, then the Fairy Tail he knew would be lost, and goodness knows what would happen to his friends. No matter how much he might wish for things to be different, that wasn’t something he could or would risk happening.

“Aye…”

****

   You could have heard a pin drop as they stepped into the guild, as conversations immediately died down as everyone realised they were there, and it was only the thought that he needed to do this for Happy that stopped Natsu from turning and bolting back out of the guild as all eyes turned towards him _. What on earth did Gramps say to them?_ He knew that the old man must’ve done something, as it was the only thing that would have stopped them all from descending on him if they were as concerned as they all looked at the moment. Swallowing nervously, he glanced down at Happy who looked equally taken aback, before glancing up and scanning the guild, quickly spotting his teammates at their usual table and he wasn’t sure of what to make of the conflicted expressions they were wearing, and he hastily glanced away.

“Hey, guys…” He said hesitantly, realising that if he didn’t say anything than the silence wasn’t going to be broken and feeling increasingly uncomfortable. However, their behaviour had reinforced his desire to keep the real situation hidden for as long as possible. He knew that there was no way that Makarov would have gone against his wishes even if he didn’t agree with it, and yet they were already acting like this. His eyes were beginning to sting again, and he glanced down, desperately praying that his magic wouldn’t try and react to his emotions as he struggled to reign them in. _This was a mistake._ He had known that it was going to be challenging to face the guild, but this was beyond anything that he’d expected.

   Happy could tell that Natsu was uncomfortable, and his eyes narrowed at the increasing tension in the Dragon-slayer’s body. Well aware that the outbursts came more often when his emotions were running high, and he’d just stepped forward with the intention of dragging his partner out of there before he could lose control when someone finally broke the silence.

“Natsu!” Elfman called from the bar, his voice sounding even louder than usual in the silence and Natsu jolted slightly before turning towards him, relieved to see that the taller man was actually looking at him with a relatively normal expression, although there was still concern buried within the dark eyes that met his expectant gaze. “The Master asked to see you when you arrived.”

“All right, thanks,” Natsu replied, relieved to have an excuse to get out of the hall, hoping that everyone would have got themselves back to normal by the time he had to come back down. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to the Exceed who was looking equally relieved, and he realised that there was no way his partner would agree to remain behind and he offered the Cat a weak smile. “Come on Happy.”

“Aye…” Happy replied quietly, relieved that he wasn’t going to be left behind to face the others on his own, not that he had any intention of letting Natsu go off on his own anytime soon. While he trusted his partner to at least tell him what was going on, he knew that it made it worse for Natsu if he had to repeat things, and he wanted to at least spare him from that. There wasn’t much else he could do to help the Dragon-slayer at the moment.

   Ignoring the eyes that they could feel tracing their every move they headed for the steps, and Natsu was surprised when no one made any attempt to stop them. _Gramps must have told them to leave us be…_ Still, he couldn’t see Erza at least being willing to heed that, not that he was about to look a gift horse in the mouth for the time being as he sped up before they managed to recover from their shock. As he reached the second floor he paused for a moment, realising as he did that despite everything he was glad to be back, the feeling of home that only the guild could produce settling over him like a comforting blanket and there was fresh strength in his movements as he made a beeline for Makarov’s office.

   Rapping sharply on the door he waited impatiently until he heard a quiet summons from within the room, glancing down at Happy before pushing the door open.

“Gramps it’s me,” Natsu called softly as he stepped into the room with Happy on his heels, wincing as Makarov immediately dropped the book he’d been reading onto the desk with a thud and hesitating for a moment before closing the door behind them. Being back in this office brought back the memories of what had happened the other day, and for a moment he had to fight the urge to turn around and go back the way he’d come. Happy must’ve sensed what he was thinking as the Exceed gripped his trouser leg, shaking his head silently when Natsu glanced down at him.

“Natsu…” Makarov breathed as he stared at the teen, relieved to see him back in the guild as he had been growing increasingly concerned by Natsu’s absence. However, his heart ached as he took in the Dragon-slayer’s state, easily able to see the strain and fear hidden behind the fragile mask he was wearing, and he knew that it wouldn’t take much to push Natsu back into the same state he’d been in the last time he’d seen him. His gaze shifted to Happy for a moment, realising that the little Exceed wasn’t in a much better condition and that he still hadn’t released his hold on his partner.

“Hey,” Natsu greeted uncomfortably as the silence stretched on, realising that Makarov easily saw through his attempts to act as though everything was normal. His eyes darkening slightly as he realised that the older man looked as though he’d had very little sleep the last few days, and the practically visible weight pressing down on his shoulder and he ducked his head, well aware that he was probably the cause of that stress and pressure. “I…I’m sorry that I just took off…”

“Idiotic child,” Makarov scolded without any real heat, stunned by the apology, although a quick glance confirmed that Natsu meant it and he sighed as he realised that even now the Dragon-slayer was more worried about others, and about him than himself. “Come and sit down both of you,” he gestured to the seats in front of his desk, catching the brief flicker of hesitation that passed across Natsu’s face before Happy urged him forward and his expression darkened as he realised that his office had now been tainted by the events of the other day. “Would you rather go elsewhere?”

“No,” Natsu shook his head after a moment even as he sank into one of the chairs, his gaze flickering briefly towards the fireplace, relieved to see that the damage he’d caused the other day had already been repaired. “It’s okay…”

“Natsu…”

“Really,” Natsu cut across him, grateful for the consideration although he didn’t want to be mollycoddled and he forced a grin as he gestured to the door. “Besides I’m not sure anywhere else will be private enough. The other’s seemed a little shocked to see me, but I doubt that’s going to last long.”

“All right,” Makarov allowed, seeing the stubborn glint in the teen’s eyes and knowing that he wasn’t going to get anywhere by pushing the issue. “How have you been?” He forced him to ask, deciding that it was better to get down to business so that Natsu could get out of here as quickly as possible, although he hesitated over plunging them into a topic that was a minefield all on its own.

“I’ve had more outbursts, nothing major though,” Natsu admitted reluctantly, still not feeling at ease sharing what was happening even though he knew it was necessary if they were going to help him, and his hands clenched against the arms of the chair. Even now when his emotions were as calm as they were going to be at the moment, he could feel his magic stirring restlessly, no longer the pleasant background hum that he’d grown up with and he took a deep breath, refusing to lose control again. “It’s helped having Happy there,” he added softly once he felt a bit calmer, and this time his smile was more genuine as he glanced at his partner who had looked up shocked at his words.

“Natsu…”

“Good,” Makarov nodded in approval, smiling at the Exceed although he worried about the fear and stain in the cat’s face, knowing that it must be tearing him apart to know that his friend…his family… was going to die unless they did something, and he made a note to try and talk to him in private when he got the chance. Sighing he turned back to Natsu, hesitating for a moment before cautiously continuing. “You know I still think you should tell Erza and…”

“I still don’t want the others to know,” Natsu cut across him in a louder than necessary voice, shrinking in on himself as he realised what he’d done although he didn’t back down. “They can’t know…” It was the one thing that he had only grown more determined about over the past couple of days, even with Happy constantly trying to encourage him to tell them as well, and even though he knew it would make life easier for his partner. _I can’t tell them, not yet…_

“Why?” Makarov asked carefully, not happy with the continued refusal to speak with his friends, especially as he knew that they hadn’t been convinced with his explanation the other day. Erza had even confronted him about it, thankfully in the privacy of his office and while he’d done his best to reassure her, it had eventually got to the point where he’d had to order her to let the matter go, and he knew that she was more certain than ever that they were hiding something. _If only she knew_. For all her stubbornness and heavy-handed efforts, he knew that she was going to be one of the most devastated ones when the real situation finally came to light, and he feared that the longer they left it, the worst the fallout was going to be.

“I…” Natsu hesitated for a moment, glancing down at his clenched hands as he found himself unable to look at the older man, well aware that he was only trying to help him and worried that he would be disappointed at the reasons behind his refusal. “I don’t want everything to change. I don’t want them to treat me differently. I just want to be normal, whatever that is, for as long as possible.” He knew that there would come a time where he would no longer be able to avoid that, but he wanted to put that off for as long as possible _. I don’t want to lose what we have now_. He knew that it was selfish, but surely he could at least afford to be selfish about this if nothing else?”

“But…”

“You should have seen how they all acted when I came in,” Natsu continued softly, glancing across at Happy who looked just as uncomfortable with the situation as he was even though he knew the Exceed wanted him to tell the rest of their team. “I don’t know what you told them, but their reactions at the moment are bad enough. I’m not ready to deal with their reactions to the truth…”

“Fine,” Makarov didn’t agree with his reasons, but he could see how important it was to the Dragon-slayer, and he couldn’t bring himself to take something else from him at the moment, but he couldn’t resist adding softly. “Just bear in mind they’re your teammates…your friends, I’m sure that they’ll surprise you when you do tell them what is happening _.” I hope_ , he added silently because while he had every faith in his brats, it sounded like they were already acting out of the ordinary even though they weren’t aware of the full extent of Natsu’s problems. _Idiotic children_. Natsu didn’t look overly convinced either, but there was a relieved expression on his face as he nodded in agreement. “I told the guild that your magic was strained by the events of the last few months, and that’s why you have to rest it,” Makarov explained with a sigh, and Natsu paled slightly before sighing.

“I guess that was the best way of putting it…” He muttered, not liking the fact that they were lying to the guild even if he didn’t want them knowing the truth and there was a queasy feeling in his stomach as he looked up at the older man. “Thank you for dealing with it.” There was no way he would’ve been able to hold himself together long enough to tell them, and he knew that his expression would have probably given away the fact that he was lying. After all, how many times had he given himself away in the past? Especially when trying to sneak things past Erza…

“You’re welcome,” Makarov muttered uncomfortably, feeling that he didn’t deserve any gratitude when he couldn’t do anything to help with the main problem. Sighing he glanced across at the pile of notes he’d made since he’d last seen Natsu, working his way through the library in search of answers although he had so far found nothing. He had intended on bringing up the issue of bringing others in to help, but after Natsu’s earlier words he knew that wasn’t going to go across well at the moment, and so he resigned himself to doing what he could on his own for the foreseeable future. Turning back to the Dragon-slayer he realised that Natsu was shifting uneasily in his seat, clearly wanting to discuss something, but seemingly hesitating to broach the topic and softening his expression he quietly asked. “What is it?”

“I…” Natsu hesitated for a moment, glancing across at Happy for support although he didn’t know why he was hesitating so much. It wasn’t that big a deal, was it? Except it was…everything felt daunting and uncertain at the moment, even the mundane everyday things and it was only when Happy met his gaze with a reassuring expression that he managed to regain his voice. “I wanted to talk to you about what I’m going to do about work.”

**

   Mira muttered a curse under her breath as she wrestled with the door, wishing that she had accepted her brother’s offer to come to the shops with her as she nearly dropped the bags once more. However, she had wanted some time to herself even if it was doing something as mundane as shopping, her thoughts still consumed by the mystery of what was going on with Natsu, not helped by the fact that the Fire mage still hadn’t shown up in the guild. Not that she could really blame him. If she’d been told that she couldn’t use her magic she would have been reluctant to be in the guild as well, the thought of watching others doing what she couldn’t setting her nerves on edge. Still, she wanted to know that he was okay, and it was only the fact that Happy hadn’t reappeared either, which meant that he was staying at Natsu’s side that had stopped her from giving in to the temptation of tracking Natsu down.

   Finally getting the door open, she slipped inside, only to come up short as the unnatural quiet registered and her head shot up, blinking as she found that the guild was as packed as normal despite the silence. Confused she glanced around, taking in the shocked and worried expressions on most people’s faces and the way their gazes kept flicking towards the stairs and the second floor. Narrowing her eyes, she glanced across to where Erza and the others were sat, seeing that they were looking even more strained than the rest of the guild. _Natsu…?_

“What’s going on?” She demanded, her voice sounding much louder than she’d intended in the silence and she winced slightly as everyone glanced at her, although most of them quickly turned their attention back to the second floor.

“Natsu’s here,” Cana was the first to find her voice, a frown on her face as she took an unenthusiastic mouthful of drink.

“He is?” Mira asked, unable to keep the hope and relief out of her voice, glancing around in search of the distinctive pink hair. She just wanted to confirm that he was doing as well as could be expected given the situation, and then hopefully she could get back to focusing on her work. “Where?”

“He went upstairs to speak to the Master,” Elfman replied, thankfully looking a little calmer than the others and she moved across to join him at the bar, depositing her shopping with relief even as she glanced up towards Makarov’s office. They’d barely seen their master since he’d made the announcement about Natsu, and she had been growing increasingly worried about him as well as he looked more stressed every time she’d glimpsed him. It concerned her that Natsu was seeking him out again, adding to her belief that there was something more going on, but she pushed that thought aside as she turned her attention back to the rest of her guildmates. She knew that they had all been worried about the Dragon-slayer as well, but she didn’t know what to make of this reaction, surely it was a good thing that he had reappeared at the guild? “

So why are you all looking so grim?” She asked glancing around with narrowed eyes.

“He didn’t look good…” Lucy muttered after a moment, the Celestial mage had been beside herself from the moment Makarov had made his announcement, not helped by Erza’s suspicions and the memory of what had happened on their last job. She had been torn between letting Natsu come to them and going to visit him, and somehow she had never allowed the thought that he might physically look ill. Or that he might not be coping with the situation take hold, and there were tears in her eyes as she glanced up at Makarov’s office, wishing that she had managed to say something to the Fire Mage.

“And he kind of caught us by surprise…” Gray muttered from beside her.

“Please tell me you didn’t react like this when he came in?” She demanded turning on the rest of the guild, blue eyes flashing as no one was able to meet her gaze, planting her hands on her hips as she studied them all another minute before sighting. “Idiots, he’s going to be feeling bad enough as it is, don’t make it worse for him because you can’t deal with the situation.”

“But Mira…” Lucy protested weakly.

“Imagine how you’d feel if you couldn’t use your magic,” Mira pointed out sharply, knowing that they had got her point when many of them glanced away with pained expressions and a shiver. No mage liked the idea of being separated from their magic, and she had to fight the urge to let her own out just to check it was still there. “Natsu has to deal with that, so don’t give him more to worry about. The Master already told us it was important not to stress him out, have you already forgotten that?” A guilty silence stretched out after her words, and she decided to leave it at that, hoping that when Natsu came back downstairs, they would be able to get their act in gear. Glancing once more towards the office she forced herself to get on with her work, knowing that it wouldn’t help the situation if they caught her hovering anxiously, even if that was what she really wanted to do at the moment.

**

   Makarov had been startled but delighted that Natsu had brought the topic of working up, not just because it gave him something that he could actually help with, but because it meant that the Dragon-slayer was willing to keep fighting in whatever ways he could. He hadn’t missed the way Natsu had glanced across at the Exceed, and he guessed that a large part of the teen’s motivation came from wanting to look after his partner and he’d had to fight a melancholy smile. Back when Happy had first hatched he’d had his doubts about how the Fire mage was going to manage to care for the cat, especially when he was barely able to take care of himself. A worry not helped by the chaos that had occurred while Natsu and Lisanna were trying to hatch the egg, and yet from the very start, the Dragon-slayer had proven him wrong.

“Gramps?” Natsu prompted with a concerned expression and Makarov blinked, realising that he had been quiet for too long for that expression to have appeared.

“Sorry I was thinking about the past,” he apologised waving aside the curious looks he received from the pair, knowing that it would only embarrass them to know where his thoughts had gone, and not wanting to risk affecting Natsu’s motivation. “Are you sure you’re ready to get back to work?” He didn’t really doubt it, but with the situation, he felt it better to be overly cautious, besides if nothing else Natsu would probably rise to the challenge of his question.

“Yes!” Natsu said immediately, and Makarov smiled slightly as the Dragon-slayer proved him right, although he frowned slightly as Natsu tensed for a moment before adding more quietly. “I can’t just sit around and do nothing.” _It gives me too much time to dwell on things_ … He had been unable to drag his thoughts away from his situation over the last few days, even on the few occasions when both he and Happy had tried to do something different to distract him. And while he knew it would be impossible to completely banish the situation from his thoughts, work would at least give him a brief escape and he would take whatever he could get at the moment. Makarov nodded in approval and understanding, not missing the unhappy expression that passed briefly over Happy’s face, guessing that the Exceed wanted to help as well.

“I’ve spoken with Yajima, and he’s willing to give you shifts from the end of the month, apparently he’s got a little too much help at the moment,” Makarov said softly. Relieved that he had already contacted his old friend when Natsu perked up at the news, the dark shadows beneath his eyes seeming to fade slightly as his eyes brightened and the older man smiled, bolstered by the sight. “I explained you were having some trouble with your magic, so he won’t be too surprised if you have an outburst. And there’s plenty of work to do around here, Mira needs help with the bar now that Lisanna and Elfman are out doing more jobs and there’s always other maintenance that needs doing given the mischief you brats get up to.”

   Natsu blinked in surprise as the older man’s words registered, he hadn’t been expecting such a quick response and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling gratefully at Makarov as he realised that Makarov had clearly already thought about this already, and his voice was a little choked as he spoke.

“Thank you…”

_Thank you for not giving up on me, for giving me hope despite everything…Thank you._

**

   They’d spoken for a little longer agreeing that Natsu could start working in the guild in a couple of days as long as he tried to get some proper rest before then. The Dragon-slayer hadn’t been overly optimistic about that, well aware that the nightmares that had been haunting him the last few nights weren’t just going to disappear, but he had agreed all, the same, wanting to do something to lighten the shadows in Makarov’s eyes. Besides he knew that he was probably in no state to work at the moment no matter how much he wanted to. Happy had interjected, promising to make sure that Natsu rested properly to which Makarov had nodded gravely, and Natsu had made a note to try and get his partner to go and see their Master at some point, at least then he would have someone other than the Dragon-slayer to talk to.

   He’d also agreed to weekly check-ups with Porlyusica so that they could try and monitor his magics deterioration, promising that he would notify one of them if anything got worse in between those visits, although he adamantly refused to accept anything to help with the pain just yet. Pointing out in a tight voice that if it was only going to get worse, it was better not to risk him getting accustomed to the medicine before that point. Although he’d regretted his bluntness when he saw Makarov and Happy exchanging pained looks at his words, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to take back the words and it had dulled his enthusiasm over getting back to work to realise that he couldn’t bring himself to be too hopeful about anything at the moment. After all, he had been hopeful when he’d sought out Makarov’s help the other day, and it hadn’t got him anywhere.

   Still, the fact that he was going to be able to work, even if it didn’t involve fighting or using his magic, had bolstered his spirits and he felt lighter than he had for days as he left Makarov’s office, promising to check in with him the next day or sooner if anything happened. However, there was still more than a hint of hesitance in his movements as he finally headed back down the stairs with Happy beside him, well aware that they had been upstairs long enough to let the others gather themselves and probably come up with a dozen questions to throw at him. Therefore, he was pleasantly surprised when apart from a slight lull in the conversations that had finally resumed, there was no other response to his reappearance, and he found himself lingering by the steps unsure of what to do and wondering who on earth had made them see sense about how they were all behaving. He didn’t particularly want to go home just yet despite his promise to rest, but he wasn’t sure if his team would welcome his company, or who it was safe to sit with, without facing a torrent of questions.

“Natsu!” He blinked in surprise as Lucy’s voice rang out just as he was about to admit defeat and head for home, and with wide eyes he turned to look at her, swallowing as he found her waving for him to join them and he found himself glancing at Erza for permission. She held his gaze for a moment, and he wasn’t sure what to make of the conflicted expression on her face, but then she finally nodded and feeling a small flicker of hope he headed in that direction with Happy following close behind.

“Hey…” He greeted them uncertainly as he reached them, hovering for a moment before slipping into the seat beside Gray as Happy settled into the chair next to Lucy. The atmosphere was tense, and he stared at the table as he felt their eyes burning into him, well aware that although the conversations around them were continuing that the rest of the guild were keeping an eye on their table as well and he shifted uneasily, wondering whether he should have just headed home after all. From the way that Happy’s ears and tail had started to droop the Exceed was starting to feel the same way, and he was about to suggest that they should go when Gray finally broke the silence.

“Idiot why didn’t you just tell us you weren’t feeling well?” The Ice mage demanded unable to keep the concern out of his voice although he’d been aiming for an irritated tone. It was just hard to hide his worry when he could see how pale and stressed his friend looked and with Makarov’s words and warning echoing in his mind, well aware that he had to be careful not to rile his onetime rival.

“I…” Natsu hesitated for a moment, startled that it was Gray that had broached the issue, and reluctant to lie any more than he had to. “I didn’t want to worry you…” He finished sheepishly, rubbing a hand through his hair and trying to avoid looking directly at any of them, well aware that he had well and truly failed in that endeavour long before they’d even left on that job.

“I hate to tell you this but you well and truly failed with that,” Gray retorted unknowingly echoing his mind, and the Dragon-slayer winced slightly at the harsher note to his friend’s voice, although he was well aware that it could be worse and he ducked his head in shame.

“Yeah…” Natsu admitted softly. “Sorry…I didn’t think it was that serious.” He caught Happy’s flinch out of the corner of his eye, and he hoped that the others hadn’t noticed it, even as he struggled to keep the dismay off his own expression, well aware that they were all smart enough to work out that there was more going on if he wasn’t careful.

   An awkward silence fell after that. Natsu and Happy had no idea what to say, their secrets making it hard for them to discuss the situation without giving themselves away, while the rest were unsure of what to say to him. None of them had ever been in the situation where they had to stop using their magic for their health, and they didn’t dare act on their suspicions that there was something more for fear of agitating him too much.

“Natsu…” Surprisingly it was Erza who finally broke the silence and Natsu couldn’t quite stop himself flinching at her voice, swallowing slightly before he turned to look at her, not sure of what to make of the softer than expected expression on her face or the hesitation in her eyes. _Erza never hesitates,_ he thought sharing a worried look with Happy even as he tried to brace himself for whatever she was going to say next. “I’m sorry.”

“Huh?” Natsu gaped at the red-head with open shock, unable to remember the last time that she had genuinely apologised to him and not understanding why she was doing so now. In all honesty, he’d half expected her to carry on ignoring him, after all the issues that had led to her deciding to bar him from the team still existed. After all, he hadn’t told them what was going on even though he claimed to trust them _. I do trust you. I always have… but…But this was something different_ … and he had no idea how he was going to tell them the truth when it finally got to the point where he could no longer hide it.

“For what I said to you on our last job, I was out of line,” she replied softly, and Natsu blinked, off all the things she could have said that had been the furthest from his mind. If anything he had been expecting her to be the angriest about the fact that he had kept his problem with his magic secret, and he floundered for a moment, unsure of how to respond.

“No, you weren’t,” Natsu denied softly after a moment, growing more uncomfortable by the second as the knowledge that he was still hiding things from them pressed in on him, and he could feel Happy watching him, and he carefully avoided looking at his partner. _I can’t tell them_. He clung to that thought as he raised his head to nervously meet her gaze. “I understood where you were coming from.” Hell, he would have understood if she was still angry, yet Erza didn’t look relieved at his response, her hands fisting at her sides as she stared at him with stormy eyes.

“But…”

“Let’s just leave it at that,” Natsu pleaded not wanting to continue on this topic, certain that if they did he would eventually break and tell them the truth about was happening, and he wasn’t ready for that. Something in his tone must have got through to her though, as despite the clear reluctance in her expression she nodded in acceptance after a moment, finally offering him a tense smile before adding softly.

“Once you’re better, we’ll all go on a job together, and you can be as destructive as you like.”

    Natsu flinched violently at her words, everything that he had been feeling over the past few days surging to the front once more and it was only sheer desperation that allowed him to keep it from showing on his face. He knew that she hadn’t meant anything by it, knew that she had only been trying to make amends for their previous argument and yet it felt as though he had just been run through with one of her swords. _I’m never going to get on a job with you again_ …He blinked harshly as he tried to stop his eyes from welling up, well aware that if he broke down now, there would be no convincing them that there wasn’t something else going on. Already he could see her gaze sharpening as she studied him, and with difficulty he forced a terse smile onto his lips as he nodded in agreement, hoping that she would brush aside his lack of enthusiasm as his way of dealing with the situation.

“Are you really going to be okay?” Lucy asked anxiously and relieved for the distraction he turned towards her with a questioning look, trying not to blanch as he felt his magic beginning to stir once more beneath his skin, no doubt reacting to his agitation and he swallowed hard _. Don’t lose control here_. Even if they might write it off as being part of his ‘strained magic’ he didn’t want to put them at risk, especially not Happy and Lucy who’d already been caught up in his outbursts. “Your magic…”

“Yeah,” Natsu mumbled, his relief for the distraction dying just as quickly as it had arrived. _Of course, that’s what she wanted to talk about_. The same irrational anger that had appeared several times over the last few days roared to life in his chest, and he bit his tongue to stop himself from snapping at her. Aware that she hadn’t meant anything by it and able to see the genuine concern in the brown eyes watching him as she waited for him to reply. Taking a deep breath, he forced the anger back, noting that his magic was stirring even more restlessly now and he begged it to wait just a little longer as he forced himself to reply in a relatively calm voice. “It just sucks that I can’t use it, I never realised how much I’d miss it.”

“What are you going to do about work?” Wendy asked hesitantly, pulling a sympathetic face at his previous statement as she tried to imagine going more than a day without using her magic, fighting the urge to go across and hug him getting the sense that it wouldn’t be welcomed at the minute. It hadn’t escaped her notice that Happy was staying out of the conversation, or the sad expression on his face as he watched Natsu and she couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling forming in her stomach _. Natsu-san you’re not hiding something else are you?_ She didn’t dare voice that thought aloud though, not wanting to risk undoing Erza’s reconciliation, but she couldn’t help sharing worried looks with Carla. _What is going on?_

“I’m going to be helping out around the guild, and maybe do some shifts for Yajima-san,” Natsu replied trying to dredge up his previous cheer that had come from that knowledge, and yet their conversation was weighing down on him, and he clenched his hands as he felt his control beginning to slip. _Just a little longer_ …Glancing across at the girl’s he realised that they were looking more worried than before and he sighed, forcing what he hoped was a reassuring smile onto his face. “Don’t look so worried, it’s not a big deal.” _Just the end of everything…_

“Sure…”

   Natsu knew that they weren’t convinced, but he couldn’t bring himself to focus on that, one hand slipping down to his stomach as pain lanced through him and he barely managed to hold back a grimace as he tried to rub it out. The second spike of pain had him shooting to his feet, his teeth pressing into his lower lip as he tried to stop himself from making any noise, knowing that they wouldn’t let him go if they knew he was on pain. Struggling not to wrap his arms around himself as it was starting to feel like he was being torn apart from the inside, and he turned frantic eyes to Happy who immediately realised what was happening and shot out of his seat.

“We’ve got to go.”

“Natsu?” Lucy asked anxiously, realising that the Dragon-slayer had paled dramatically in the last couple of minutes and reasonably sure she had just seen him wince and she was about to get to her feet when he held a hand up to stop her.

“It’s alright,” Natsu managed to force past gritted teeth, trying to offer her a smile although he was fairly sure that it came out as a grimace, especially as she didn’t look at all reassured. Glancing at the others, he realised that they were looking equally worried, and ignoring the fresh pain lancing through him he straightened and added quietly. “Just a side effect…I’m going to head home and rest, I’ll be around tomorrow.” His hands tightened on his stomach as he felt his magic flare up for a moment, and it took all his willpower to force it back, and he knew that it wasn’t going to hold for long. _Why now?_

“Are you sure?” Gray demanded.

“Y-Yeah,” Natsu couldn’t quite keep the waver out of his voice, and he saw the dark eyes narrow with suspicion, and he quirked his lips up. _Since when did you worry about me…?_ He knew that was unfair, but given the situation, he couldn’t bring himself to really care, although he did find himself trying to reassure the Ice mage even as he backed up a couple of steps as his magic shifted more powerfully in his chest. _Damn it, just wait a few more minutes_. “Don’t worry about it.”

“But…”

“I’ll see you later,” Natsu cut across the Ice mage’s protest, aware that if they didn’t go now then he was going to lose control of his magic right here in the guild, and he turned pleading eyes towards Happy who nodded in understanding. He didn’t protest as he felt Happy taking to the air beside him or when small paws gripped the back of his vest, even though he knew it was only going to increase their concern and that he would be facing even more questions the next day. “Out the back…” He managed to whisper to the Exceed, and he vaguely felt himself shooting forwards as he closed his eyes, desperately turning all his attention to keeping his magic under wraps for a little longer.

_Please,_ _I don’t want to hurt anyone…_

**

“What the hell was that about?” Gray demanded as they watched the pair shooting for the back doors, taken aback by the abrupt departure and worried by the brief glimpse he’d caught of Natsu’s pained expression, and he rose to his feet, intent on following the Flamebrain and making sure that he was okay. However, he’d only taken half a step away from the table when an armoured hand grasped his arm and stopped him in his tracks, and blinking he’d turned back to find Erza looking at him sternly.

“No…” She said sternly, and he bristled until he caught the worry in her eyes as she glanced to where Natsu had disappeared, subsiding as he realised that she was just concerned about what was happening to their friend. “It’s clear that he doesn’t want our help at the moment, and I think we’re only going to stress him out if we chase him.” It was clear that she wasn’t happy with her own words, although her hold on his arm didn’t loosen when he tried to pull free.

“But…”

“He’s already hiding things from us,” Lucy spoke up softly, her expression sad as she stared down at her guild mark. Natsu had been so open back then, even though she was a complete stranger and she swallowed hard at that thought before continuing. “I don’t want to give him reason to hide more from us.” She’d been somewhat surprised when he’d agreed to come and sit with them, half expecting him to still be upset over the argument and she’d been overjoyed when Erza had apologised and said he could come back. The thought of pushing him away again making her feel sick to the stomach, although she couldn’t deny how worried she was about him. _What are you hiding from us Natsu? And why?_

“You’re just going to ignore the fact that he’s still hiding stuff from us?” Gray demanded although he couldn’t summon any proper anger as he knew that they all had a fair point…but he couldn’t just sit here when one of his friends was clearly in pain, even if it was Natsu they were talking about and he tried once more to yank himself free, but Erza wasn’t shifting.

“No,” she shook her head, and this time there was no mistaking the hurt in her eyes, but then her mouth set in a determined line as she met his gaze. “But we’ve already pushed him away once, are you willing to do that again?”

“I…” Gray trailed off, glancing aside as he found himself unable to hold her gaze and he sighed before relaxing slightly, and after a moment she released him. “I’m just worried about him…”

“We all are, but we have to trust that Natsu knows he can come to us if he needs our help,” Erza said softly as she reclaimed her seat, her eyes shadowed as she glanced towards the back door and it was clear that she was fighting her own urge to go chasing after him. Gray bit his lip at her words like he trusts us? He asked silently with more bitterness than he’d intended, slowly moving back to his seat and sinking into it with a defeated sigh.

_Stupid Flamebrain, you’re going to be okay…right?_

**

   Happy had let him down as soon as they made it out the back door, and Natsu had barely managed to move a dozen steps into the back courtyard when a powerful spike of pain sent him crashing to his knees. He managed to cry out a warning to Happy barely seconds before flames erupted out of him and he could only hope that the Exceed had managed to get to safety as his world disappeared into a rainbow of colours. Before this had started, it had been years since fire had felt hot to him, but now he found himself cowering away from the flames spreading around him, tears leaking down his cheek as pain wracked his body. _IGNEEL!_ He cried out pleadingly in his mind, knowing that it wouldn’t help but needing something to focus on as it felt as though his magic was shredding him to pieces. It was worse than the others he’d had recently, but then he’d been more stressed because of that conversation. At least he hoped that was what had caused it.

_I can’t be getting worse already…it’s too soon…it has to be too soon._

   He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there trapped in the centre of the maelstrom of his magic, but by the time he felt it beginning to calm somewhat, he found himself on his hands and knees, his body shaking violently as he panted heavily. His stomach was rolling wildly, and he was surprised that he hadn’t thrown up, although he wasn’t ruling out the possibility as he slowly straightened,

residual pain radiating through him and making his already blurred vision even worse. Slowly the world came back into focus around him, and he winced as he took in the large circle of destruction surrounding him. If this had happened in the guild…Swallowing hard he sank back on his haunches, only to flinch wildly as Happy appeared at his side in a whirl of worried questions and tears and the only thing he’d been able to do was reach out and wrap his arms around the Exceed as fresh tears trickled down his cheeks.

  They were both so caught up in their emotions and trying to comfort the other, that they realised that they were no longer alone, and it was only when the Dragon-slayer’s name was called that they realised that they had company.

“N-Natsu?!”


	11. Chapter 11

 

 Mira started slightly as the box of teabags slipped from her trembling hands, the sound of it hitting the counter startlingly loud in the quiet of her kitchen and she paused for a minute, but there was no sound from the living room, and with a sigh, she retrieved the box. She’d managed to get both Natsu and Happy back to hers, relieved that Kinana had been able to take over the bar for her and that both of her siblings had looked fully engrossed in discussion with the Raijinshuu. However, she found herself wavering now that they were in the privacy of her house. Neither one of them had said a word on the way back, and it was clear that she was going to have a fight on her hands convincing the Dragon-slayer to tell her what was really going on with him. What made it worse was that she knew that she was actually afraid of what he might tell her, the memory of seeing him crying out in pain as his magic had erupted around him etched into her mind. Natsu…

   Still, it was clear that he needed help, and she wasn’t about to let him push her away. With a determined expression, she willed her hands to stillness before reaching for the kettle, not that she thought that any of them were going to be able to stomach drinks at the moment. But it had been clear that Natsu had been overwhelmed and so she had left him in the living room and retreated in the hopes that Happy would be able to calm him slightly. _Natsu_ …It had been one thing suspecting that something was wrong, something more than what Makarov had told them, and a completely different thing learning that her suspicions were correct. No way was the outburst she had witnessed just from overstrained magic, and biting her lip, she forced herself to focus on the task at hand, knowing that if she allowed her mind to run riot, then she would be no use to him at all.

   When she walked back into the living a few minutes later with the tray of drinks, she came to a halt in the doorway, frowning as she took in the fact that Natsu still hadn’t come out of his defensive curl in the corner of the sofa and not missing the small flinch that greeted her return. Happy was pressed against his partner’s side, and it was clear that he had been talking to the Dragon-slayer, although he’d fallen silent at her appearance and there was a mixture of worry and hope as he met her gaze. Unsure of what to make of that she forced a strained smile onto her face and stepped into the room, carefully setting the tray down on the table, grabbing one of the mugs and carefully approaching Natsu, highly aware of the olive eyes that were tracing her every move without seeming to focus on her.

“Here,” she said softly as settled the mug in front of the quiet Dragon-slayer, shooting a worried look at Happy as Natsu seemed to curl even further in on himself, the Exceed looked just as concerned as she was feeling, but there was a silent warning in his eyes, and she nodded in understanding. Quietly she settled onto the seat next to him, deciding to give him a few more minutes to try and gather himself before she tried to press for answers, curling her hands around her own mug as her thoughts drifted back to the scene she had inadvertently walked in on behind the guild.

   _After scolding the guild about their reaction to Natsu’s return, she had busied herself with the bar, knowing that if she didn’t then her behaviour wouldn’t be much better than theirs. Which was why she had completely missed the conversation he’d had with Erza and the others as she’d been down in the cellar checking their stock, leaving Kinana to watch the bar. She’d just been coming back up the stairs when Happy, and Natsu had rushed past heading for the back door, and she knew that they hadn’t noticed her as neither of them had done anything to hide the urgency or alarm in their expressions. For a moment she’d hesitated, well aware that Natsu was keeping secrets from them and that there was probably an excellent reason for that, but in the end, her worry had won out over her respect for his desire to keep his secrets, and she’d hurried after him._

_She’d reached the door which had slammed shut behind them just as the air around her had become oppressively warm, and for a moment she’d faltered under the onslaught, immediately recognising the magic that was pressing in on her although she couldn’t ever remember it feeling like this before. Worried she’d yanked the door open, only to stumble backwards as she took in the flames filling the courtyard beyond, instinctively throwing up a hand to protect her face as she began to back away to safety. It was then that she became aware of the pained cried coming from within the flames, and her eyes widened with horror, she would know that voice anywhere. Natsu…_

_Forgetting the potential danger to herself she stepped forwards again, straining desperately to peer through the flames, although she paused as she finally noticed that these weren’t his normal flames and for a moment she just stared, mesmerised by the multitude of colours in the fire. Another cry dragged her attention back to the present, and her gaze shot back to Natsu just as he toppled forward, the wild flames slowly retreating back into his body as his cried died away to pained whimpers. He remained hunched over for a few minutes before he gradually pushed himself upright and Mira was about to go to him when Happy shot back to his side, the visible wings telling her how he’d escaped the inferno._

_“Natsu?! Natsu?” She found herself unable to move, watching with sad eyes as the frantic Exceed clung to the Dragon-slayer, asking worried questions at a fast rate of knots. “Can you hear me? Are you okay? Should I get the Master?” There was no audible response from the Dragon-slayer, but gradually his arms came up to wrap around the Exceed, and they clung to one another, and she swallowed hard at the sight, well aware that such a reaction meant that there was far more going on than she understood. She stood there for several minutes, unwilling to disturb the moment as it seemed as though it was something they both needed. However, as time passed, she grew increasingly concerned, and she was highly aware that someone else might wander past and see them, and for she knew that it was already bad enough that she’d walked in on it._

_“N-Natsu?!” She wasn’t able to keep the waver out of her voice as she called out to him, unable to believe what she’d seen, and more than a little concerned by the pained cries she’d heard coming from the Dragon-slayer and the fact that it seemed to have left him in such a state. What she hadn’t expected was for the pair to seize up in alarm at her voice, and her heart clenched as Happy turned to look at her with shock, tears swimming in his eyes and she had a feeling that Natsu wasn’t in a better state._

_“Mira!” Happy looked torn between relief and alarm as he stared at her, his ears drooping slightly as he turned back to the Dragon-slayer who was still frozen in place. “Natsu…”_

_There was no sign that Natsu had heard him, and Mira cautiously took a step forward even as she glanced around at the damage that had been caused by his flames, knowing that she was lucky that she hadn’t come outside any sooner. But what could have caused this? As destructive as the Dragon-slayer had always been, he’d never done something like this, and then there was the fact that whatever had been happening had clearly been hurting him._

_“Natsu?” She called softly when she was a short distance away, startled when he flinched violently, huddling against the ground as though he could disappear from her sight. “Happy what’s going on?” She turned her attention towards the Exceed, blue eyes hardening as she met his gaze, silently demanding answers. While she hadn’t been convinced by Makarov’s explanation the other day, she had been determined to go along with it as it had been clear that Natsu was trying to hide what was really happening, but there was no way that she could turn away now that something was happening right in front of her. “Happy?!”._

_“He…”_

_“Don’t!” Natsu finally spoke, his voice strained and desperate although he still didn’t turn to look at either of them. “Please...” Her heart ached at the soft plea, unable to remember hearing him sound so frightened and stressed before and she took a half a step forward, intent of trying to offer him comfort, but Happy beat her to it. The Exceed moving to his partner’s side and resting a paw on his arm, waiting until the Dragon-slayer finally tilted his head just enough to look at him before speaking._

_“Natsu, she saw what happened,” Happy said softly, glancing at Mira for confirmation as he wasn’t entirely sure how much she had seen, and the Take-over mage gave a small noise of acknowledgement knowing that Natsu would be able to hear it anyway. A full body shudder went through Natsu at the confirmation and the worry and dread that had been pooling in her stomach since she’d first started to suspect that something was going on ratcheted up another notch. Natsu, what is going on? Realising that pushing him for answers right now when he was still recovering from whatever had happened, she moved forward again, making sure to keep her movements slow and deliberate so that he could stop her if he wanted. She was relieved when he made no more protests, although she had a feeling it was because he didn’t want to face the thought of talking with her just yet._

_“Come on let’s get you out of here, alright?” Mira suggested softly as she reached him, and after a long moment Natsu peeped up at her, and her heart ached anew as she took in the tears streaking down pale cheeks and she had to fight the urge to brush them away. Slowly she helped the Dragon-slayer to his feet, trying not to react when he flinched away from her, moving to stand a short distance away with his shoulders hunched as though he was trying to hide himself away. “We can go back to mine if you want, it’s closer than your house, and we won’t be disturbed.” For a moment she thought he was going to decline or even just take off, and from the look on the Exceed’s face as he watched his partner, Happy was expecting a similar reaction, and so they were both taken by surprise when the Fire mage let out a defeated noise before nodding slightly._

_“’Kay…”_

   Still, she had been somewhat surprised that he hadn’t taken off when she’d had to dart back inside to ask Kinana to cover for her, although she had a feeling that had something to do with whatever Happy was busy whispering into his ear when she returned. The Dragon-slayer still hadn’t said a word, but he hadn’t fought against her as she’d guided him away from the guild and she hadn’t been able to bring herself to say anything either, worried that she might say the wrong thing and push him away. Although that hadn’t stopped her mind from racing all the way back to her house, re-examining everything she had witnessed and suspected the last few weeks and trying to answer the questions racing through her mind.

   Sighing she turned her attention back to Natsu, noticing that he had gradually begun to relax while she’d been lost in her thoughts although he was still avoiding looking at her, his eyes seemingly fixed on a distant point that she couldn’t see. Nervously she glanced at Happy, who hesitated for a moment before giving a small nod. _Go ahead…_

“Will you tell me the truth?” She asked softly after a moment of gathering her thoughts.

“You already know,” Natsu muttered still refusing to look at her, his hands tensing in his lap and his voice was terse as he continued. “Gramps told you…”

“No,” Mira cut across him gently, waiting until he had looked up at her before continuing, although the fear in the olive eyes had made her hesitate for a moment. “I know that there’s something more going on. Both you and our Master are terrible liars at the best of times, and I saw how you looked after you’d been up to talk to him. So what’s really going on?” She wasn’t ready to admit that her concerns had gone back before that, not when he was already so reluctant to talk to her.

“Natsu…” Happy said softly turning to the Dragon-slayer with pleading eyes, he knew that Natsu didn’t want anyone else to know and that this situation was everything that he had been trying to avoid. Just as he knew that there was no way that Mira was going to forget what she’d witnessed, and a quick glance across at the Take-over confirmed that she seemed to be settling in for a long wait, and he knew that she wasn’t going to let them wiggle out of answering. And to be honest, he didn’t want to. While he had agreed with Natsu’s wishes because he didn’t want to cause his partner any more stress, he strongly believed that the Dragon-slayer needed far more support than he could provide on his own. And if he was being honest, he needed someone else to know, the weight of the secret pressing down on him harder than ever and he made no effort to keep the pleading out of his voice. “Please?”

“But…” Natsu protested weakly, wavering as he realised just how much Happy wanted him to this, despite seeming to support his decision earlier. The Dragon-slayer glanced across at Mira, seeing the patient but determined expression on her face and coming to the same conclusion that

Happy had, she wasn’t going to let this go. Panic welled up once more at the mere thought of telling someone else what was going on, it had been hard enough with Gramps and Happy, but at least he had known that they wouldn’t treat him as though he could shatter into pieces at a moment’s notice…Mira was more of an unknown and that scared him.

“If we tell you the truth will you promise to keep it secret?” Happy asked softly, sensing that Natsu’s resolve was weakening, although he knew that even if the Fire mage agreed to sharing the truth, he was going to be entirely happy about it. _Sorry, Natsu_ …He worried at his bottom lip, aware that he was being selfish pushing for this when he’d agreed to keep it secret, and especially when Natsu was still recovering from that last outburst. The Dragon-slayer hid it reasonably well, but the Exceed could tell that he was still in pain and probably wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed for a while, not that sleep would really offer him much of a reprieve given the nightmares that he’d been assaulted with recently.

“I…” Mira hesitated for a moment, and Happy’s attention snapped back to her, his gaze expectant even as he watched the warring emotions that were passing over her face. Mira frowned for a second, glancing away so that she could try and gather her thoughts, well aware that a promise like that could only mean that whatever she was about to learn was serious. _What if it’s something that needs to be shared?_ She knew that if she gave her word that there would be no way that she could break it, as she knew just how much stock Natsu put in promises, but… finally, though she sighed, realising that she’d much rather know and be able to help in her own way than have to go around knowing that there was something more going on and not having a clue what was really happening. “Yes, I promise,” she said softly but without the slightest hint of hesitation.

“See?” Happy asked as he turned back to his partner, releasing the breath that he been holding as she contemplated her answer, not sure what he would’ve done if she hadn’t agreed to keep it secret. The Dragon-slayer’s expression had eased a tiny bit at the promise, but it was clear that he was still struggling with the thought of sharing the truth. “We can’t face this alone Natsu…” He added softly, glancing away in shame at his own words, although not before he caught the way that Natsu’s eyes had widened with a mix of surprise and hurt. I promised that we could do it…but I’m not enough on my own…I’m sorry. It had been a thought that had grown in the back of his mind over the last few days, but he’d been desperately holding it at bay, but now with the prospect of someone else learning the truth it all came bubbling back up to the surface.

“I…” Natsu trailed off as he stared at the Exceed before glancing away, he’d known that Happy wasn’t handling it as well as he’d been pretending to, but to this extent? _I don’t want to be a burden, especially not to Happy_ … Swallowing nervously he glanced towards Mira who was watching them both with worried eyes, _can I trust her?_ If he was honest, he preferred the thought of telling her than telling the rest of his teammates, as he knew that she was more likely to continue to treat him like normal than they were. Still, the thought of telling her the truth still scared him, and he glanced away, hands tensing either further as he hovered between wanting to help Happy and keeping his secret.

“Natsu,” Mira said softly after studying him for several minutes, something clicking in the back of her head as his gaze flickered towards her, understanding dawning as she took in the warring emotions on his face. Slowly she reached out and took one of his clenched hands in her own, feeling just how badly he was trembling and she waited until he turned his head to look at her fully before continuing in a soft voice. “Whatever it is, you’re still going to be you. I promise that no matter how bad it is, and no matter how much I might worry about you.” If it were as bad as she was beginning to imagine she knew that there was no way she would be able to hide her worry, but she knew enough about the stubborn Fire mage to know that it wasn’t the thought of worry that bothered him. Gripping his hand tighter she met his gaze head-on, and her voice was low but firm as she added. “I will never pity you.” Olive eyes widened with shock and for a moment she caught the hope that flashed across his face before he was able to mask it, and there was longing and wonder in his voice as he asked.

“How did…?”

“How did I know?” Mira asked with a knowing smile, and Natsu gave a slight nod in response, watching her intensely, and she glanced down for a moment before sighing as bad memories stirred in the back of her mind. Still, she hoped that this might be the push needed to get him to trust her, and so she raised her head once more to look at him, although her voice was barely a whisper as she explained. “Back when we thought Lisanna had died, and I found myself unable… or unwilling to use my magic, people looked at me with pity, and I hated it.” Her free hand clenched at the thought of those dark days, remembering the number of times that she had come within an inch of lashing out at some of their guild-mates. She’d known that they meant well, but at the time it had been hard to understand that, and it had been the exact opposite of what she’d needed at the time.

“I’m sorry…” Natsu whispered, and she felt warm fingers curl around her hand, and she glanced down with a small twitch of her lips before turning her attention back to him.

“Why are you apologising?” She asked with a hint of confusion, easily able to tell that he was sincere in his apology and she quickly continued before he could. “You were one of the few that treated me normally during that time. Even Elfman did it at times, but you never did.” He had been there whenever she needed him, offering her a shoulder to cry on or just company depending on her mood, and more than once she had sought him out for that taste of normality even though it had hurt to see him grieving for Lisanna as well.

“Oh,” Natsu murmured with a hint of colour in his cheeks, before he glanced away, his brow furrowing in thought and Mira stayed silent as she sensed that he was trying to decide what to do. Beside them Happy was glancing between them, a hopeful expression on his face and Mira offered him a weak attempt at a reassuring smile, praying that her words had been enough because she had no idea how else to convince the Dragon-slayer to trust her.

   Nearly ten minutes had passed, and Mira was just beginning to believe that she had completely messed up, when Natsu let out a soft defeated noise before glancing at Happy with searching eyes for a moment before finally turning to her, and she stilled as he stared at her for a long moment.

“What happened today…” His voice was barely above a whisper, but it still made her jump, and it took her a moment to realise that he had actually decided to tell her, and she hastily squeezed his hand to reassure him that she was listening. He hesitated for a moment, glancing at their joined hands before looking away so that he didn’t have to watch her expression as he continued shakily. “It’s been happening since we all went to the Celestial world.” _So long?_ She wanted to demand why he’d waited so long before seeking help, remembering their brief conversation in the Celestial Spirit world and his short-lived illness when they’d returned. Not so short-lived apparently, she thought with a hint of bitterness carefully stopping herself from speaking as she got the impression that it wouldn’t take much to stop him from continuing. “And it’s been getting more frequent and a lot more serious. I nearly killed Happy and Lucy on that last job…”

“Natsu…” Happy protested.

“I know you’ve forgiven me,” Natsu cut across the Exceed with a strained smile as he glanced his partner, shaking his slightly before adding grimly. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I could have really hurt you or worse.” _That I could have hurt Mira today_ …That had been part of the reason for his panic, the realisation that he had been so lost in the outburst that he hadn’t realised that she was there. That it was little more than pure luck that had kept her safe.

“It’s not from overstain is it?” Mira asked with a frown, and Natsu glanced at her, somewhat startled by the absolute certainty in her voice, and she offered him a rueful smile. “I know what that’s like, it happened with my magic after I fought Freed that time.” It hadn’t kicked in until a couple of days later, but then her magic had gone haywire. Protesting its overuse after years of being kept under wraps and she’d spent a couple of weeks unable to do anything as it stabilised, but while it had been playing up, she’d never had an outburst like the one she’d just witnessed from Natsu.

“No, it isn’t. Gramps needed something to tell everyone that was close to the truth,” Natsu admitted hesitantly, wondering whether Makarov had known that Mira would catch on before dismissing the thought. The old man had been openly unhappy with the secrecy, but the Fire mage trusted him to keep his word.

“Which is?”

“It’s…” Natsu began but then trailed off, panic and fear rising once more at the idea of telling someone else the truth. It had been hard enough telling Happy who’d already known what was happening and had been somewhat prepared for bad news, the thought of telling Mira, of adding to the concern he could already see in her eyes…I _can’t tell her…I can’t_ …And yet at the same time, he knew that he couldn’t back out. Not when he had already told her so much, and not when Happy was so clearly desperate for him to let someone else in on what was happening.

“Take your time,” Mira encouraged, quite happy to wait as long as necessary if he was willing to tell her what was going on, although the fresh hesitation had only added to her concern. If it was something simple, she knew that he would have just come out and told her, as he was never one to kick up an unnecessary fuss when it came to things like this. Half the time they had to chase after him when he was ill as he would do everything in his power to stop himself from becoming a burden.

“You saw my flames right?” Natsu asked finally, and she felt the shudder that went through him at his own words, and she squeezed his hand again before giving a small nod, fighting back her own shudder at the memory. She had never seen flames like that or felt anything like the magic that had flooded the air, and she had a feeling that she was going to end up wishing that she would never see them again. “They are like that because for some reason my body hasn’t been able to get rid of the magic I’ve eaten in the past…the Etherion, Laxus’s Lightning…everything.” He hesitated for a moment, glancing down for a moment before continuing in an even quieter voice than before. “All of those magics are still in me, only now they’re fighting against each other and my natural magic…”

“I never knew that was even possible,” she breathed, eyes widening as the implication of what he was saying settled over him. _All those times you saved us by eating magic that you shouldn’t_. They’d all scolded him for it at one time or another, for taking such risks and pushing himself too far, but she knew that never once had they truly considered that it could have this kind of impact on him.

“Well, apparently it is,” Natsu’s voice had an undertone of bitterness now, and her gaze snapped back to him, catching the darkness in his expression before he managed to force it back, and she wanted to scowl as he shrugged with forced nonchalance. Stop trying to hide, she wanted to tell him, but instead, she remained silent as he continued. “But it shouldn’t be. If my body had dealt with it properly like it was meant to, this wouldn’t be happening.”

“But why the lie? I don’t understand why you’d hide something like this.” She knew that the guild would be a lot more worried about him than they currently were, but that didn’t seem like enough of a reason to keep something like this from them.

“It’s…” Natsu hesitated before forcing himself to try and continue, each word feeling like it was catching in his throat. “They don’t know how to fix it, and I…” He trailed off unable to continue, and he felt his breathing hitch slightly as he shook his head helplessly. _I can’t say it, don’t make me say it…_

“Natsu?” Mira prompted in alarm, and Natsu shook his head again before glancing desperately at Happy, and the Exceed paled before nodding in understanding.

“He’s dying,” the words tiptoed out of the Exceed’s mouth, and Mira’s gaze snapped to him even as the world around her seemed to tilt for a moment. _Dying?_ For a moment she felt the same pain and darkness that had flooded her when Freed had threatened to kill Elfman, and she had to close her eyes as she fought back the surge of magic, well aware that if she lost control now, she would risk pushing the Dragon-slayer away entirely. _Dying? Natsu is dying…he can’t be…that’s not possible_. Denials flooded her mind, even as somewhere in her heart she recognised the truth of those words, well aware that even Natsu and Happy wouldn’t joke about something like that, especially with her.

“But…” There was no way she could keep her voice level at this stage, and she could feel the tears in the corners of her eyes as she opened them to look at Natsu, her heart aching at the despair now written openly across his face. “Porlyusica-san…” The healer had never failed them before, even when things had seemed beyond hope. _Surely she can stop this…?_

“She’s looking for a way to cure me,” Natsu replied softly, finding himself feeling oddly calmer in the face of her distress, although there was a new ache in his heart at the sight of the tears brimming in her eyes. _I never wanted anyone to look like that._ Yet despite his desire to avoid causing her more pain, he found himself continuing, voicing the doubts that had haunted him from the moment that Porlyusica had given him the news. “But there’s no guarantee she’ll find anything, and I don’t think she believes she will either.”

“But…”

“Even if she can find something, it’s more a matter of whether she can find it in time,” Natsu admitted grimly feeling his own eyes beginning to sting, and he bit his lip hard for a moment, determined not to let them fall in front of her, but his voice was shaking wildly as he resumed his explanation. “My body is only going to be able to hold out against the magic for so long.”

“How long?” Mira forced herself to ask, realising that her grip on his hand was beginning to get tighter and tighter although there was no sign of discomfort on his face.

“A year at most if I’m lucky,” Natsu replied, wincing as she flinched violently at his words and he had to look away as she let out a choked sob.

_I’m sorry…_

   Mira swallowed hard as she fought to hold back the other sobs that she could feel rising in her chest, reaching up to brush her hand across her eyes as she sniffled slightly. _Oh, Natsu…_ Everything from the past few weeks - no months flashed through her mind, and her heart ached as she realised that he had been dealing with this mainly on his own for a long time. She had never imagined that it could be something like this, and she had a feeling that neither had he as she remembered how he’d been after he’d spoken with Porlyusica and their Master. And she closed her eyes as she realised that she had just let him go that day, that she had let him go and deal with something of this magnitude on his own. _Natsu…_

“IDIOT!” She burst out suddenly before she could even think about what she wanted to say, startling both Happy and Natsu who stared at her wide-eyed, and she distantly wondered what she must look like at the moment.

“Huh?” Natsu blinked as he realised that she was glaring at him, and he shot Happy a confused look only to receive an equally confused shrug from the Exceed. “Mira?”

“I know you don’t want pity!” Mira knew that she was practically shouting at the moment, but it was either that or breakdown in tears, and she wasn’t sure that any of them could handle that at the moment. However, she calmed slightly as she met his startled gaze and her voice was much softer as she demanded. “But why are you trying to deal with something like this on your own?”

“Happy, Gramps and Porlyusica know…” Natsu pointed out weakly, but Mira wasn’t about to be placated, besides did he really think that made a difference? He was in this condition because of how hard he’d fought to protect the guild in the past. _We should be the ones taking care of you now, so why are you still trying to protect everyone?_

“That’s not enough!”

“I just want some normality, just for a bit longer,” Natsu whispered as he glanced away, not sure what to make of her reaction although he was relieved that she had been true to her word as there was no pity in her eyes…worry, guilt, anger and fear but no pity. “I just want to be myself for a bit longer…”

“Oh Natsu,” Mira whispered softly as the last of her anger drained away leaving her oddly empty as his words registered, and her eyes were damp with fresh tears as she reached out and wrapped her arms around him, not allowing him to pull back even when he made a soft noise of protest. “You’re still you. You’re still Natsu, and that’s not going to change _.” I won’t let it._ If she was honest her instinct was to wrap him up protectively and keep him away from anything that might add to the hurt that he was already experiencing, but she knew that wasn’t what he wanted and she could understand. If she’d been in his place, she would have been the same, terrified that she would lose herself in the enormity of the situation and she bit her lip at that thought.

“R-really?”

“Really,” She said strongly. Silently promising that she would do everything in her power to make sure that he never lost sight of himself, even if it meant going up against others in the guild. She would make sure that he got to be himself until…she couldn’t bring herself to think of it being an end, desperately praying that the healer would find something even if Natsu himself doubted it. Natsu’s arms crept nervously around her, and she glanced down as he pressed himself into his sides, her heart aching as she realised that tears were trickling silently down his cheeks now. Reaching down to brush them away, she added softly. “You’re always going to be Natsu. The same pink-headed idiot that tried to go chasing monsters because he couldn’t read a job flyer properly.” That startled a weak laugh out of him, and she brightened slightly at the sound even as she marvelled at his strength. How can you still laugh? She asked silently even as he buried his face against her, and she could feel her dress growing increasingly damp, and she felt her own tears slipping free as she tightened her hold on him.

_Natsu…_

**

   They remained like that for a long time, with Happy moving closer to snuggle up on Natsu’s side, the Dragon-slayer reaching out to wrap a trembling arm around the Exceed even though he made no move to pull away from Mira. At some point, her tears had stopped although she knew that they weren’t the only ones she would shed over this, however, as she stared down at Natsu she swore that she would hide them whenever possible to spare him additional stress. She had seen the way he’d acted around Happy, and she knew that in part it was for the Exceed’s sake that he had overcome his reluctance and told her the truth, rather than anything she had said or done and she wanted to make sure that he never felt compelled to do something similar for her sake _._ _I’ll be your strength_. She just hoped that she would up to the task, well aware that they weren’t as close as he was with the others, and that for a long time he had only seen her as someone to overcome. _Please, don’t try and push me away again._

   Gradually she became aware of the fact that he was resting more and more weight on her, and peering down at him she realised that he was on the verge of falling asleep, not that she could blame him after the day that he’d had so far. She was tempted to let him rest where he was, certainly having no objection to his current position, but she knew that he would probably ache later if he stayed where he was especially after the pain he had felt during his outburst. Still, it was with a great deal of reluctance that she reached down to gently shake his shoulder.

“Come on,” She encouraged softly, biting back a small snort of amusement as he let out a sleepy whine at the jostling, the noise apparently doing a more effective job of rousing him as he slowly raised his head with a sleepy grumble.

“What?”

“You’re falling asleep,” Mira pointed out gently with a soft smile that did little to ease the redness of her eyes, knowing full well that he shouldn’t be as exhausted as this in the middle of the day, and it was a struggled not to sniffle as she added softly. “You can rest in my room for a while.” It was clear that he hadn’t slept well in a while, not that she could blame him, and she hoped that a change of scenery, as well as her promise to help, would make it a little easier for him to rest. From the relieved expression on Happy’s face, it was clear that he approved of the offer, and she made a note to talk to him once the Dragon-slayer was asleep, reasonably sure that he wasn’t handling the situation as well as he appeared to be at the moment.

“What about Lisanna and Elfman?” Natsu asked hesitantly, unable to deny that the thought of napping was very appealing at the moment, he just wasn’t sure how he felt about staying here. While Mira’s reaction had been far better than anything he’d expected, the fact that he’d been forced to reveal his situation before he was ready had left him feeling nervous and twitchy, and he wanted some time to regroup. He was fairly certain that it was only the relief in his partner’s expression, and the thought that Gramps would be happy to know that someone else knew that was stopping him from freaking out completely as the enormity of what he’d just done hit him once more, and he couldn’t quite keep the waver out of his voice as he continued quietly. “I-I don’t want anyone else to know.”

“It’s fine,” Mira said reassuringly, although her eyes had darkened briefly at the reminder of his determination to keep this as hidden as possible…knowing that she would still be in the dark if he’d had his way about it, but she carefully kept those thoughts off her face as she added quietly. “They’re not likely to be home anytime soon, and if they show up there not likely to go into my room.”

“But…”

“Can you tell me honestly that you can manage to get home in your current state?” She demanded sharply, well aware that he was idiotic enough to try it if he thought that he could get away with it, narrowing her eyes as she caught the contemplative expression on his face as he glanced towards Happy for support. Thankfully the Exceed just shot him a warning scowl, and he sighed before glancing back at her, still clearly hesitating. Don’t you dare lie to me! Apparently, something in her expression had told him that it would be a bad idea, as he hunkered down with a defeated sigh, his voice slightly sullen as he replied.

“No…”

“Then go to bed,” She ordered sternly, eyes narrowing as he opened his mouth, clearly intending to try and argue once more and she held up a hand to stop him, not wanting to get into an argument with him now. Instead, she smirked slightly before making an offer that she knew he would be hard-pressed to refuse, regardless of how stubborn he wanted to be. “I’ll even make you both dinner.”

“Really?” Happy perked up, and although it was clearly more forced than usual, he managed to bounce excitedly in his seat, even as he glanced across at Natsu, silently demanding that his partner accept the invitation. “Yay!”

“Fine,” Natsu muttered in defeat, unable to deny his partner anything at the moment, and for the first time in days feeling a proper interest in the thought of eating. When they were younger, it had always been a treat to get to have the Take-over mage’s cooking, and even now Lisanna and Elfman had a habit of rubbing in the fact that they got to eat her food all the time. “Thanks, Mira…”

“You’re welcome,” Mira replied climbing to her feet before turning and holding a hand out to him, relieved when he reached out and accepted it allowing her to pull him gently to his feet. “I’ll be right back Happy,” she promised waiting until the Exceed had nodded in acceptance before gently guiding Natsu towards the stairs, realising with a slightly melancholy smile that this was the first time he had visited in years. _We should have spent more time here before all this…_

   Natsu tried to protest again as she led him into her room, but she was having none of it, allowing a little of her demonic aura to shine through as she herded him towards the bed. Thankfully he knew better than to push her when she was like that, although she caught him grumbling under his breath as he reluctantly toed off his sandals, she couldn’t bring herself to scold him. Instead, she just stared at him until he climbed onto the bed, ignoring him as he muttered something about hating pink as she pulled the quilt over him, well aware of his old habit of sneaking into Lucy’s room and that the Celestial mage’s room was nearly as girly as hers.

“Stop grumbling,” she told him finally, and with a sigh he obeyed, finally letting his head come to rest against the pillow, and she had to fight back a giggle as his eyes immediately started to droop. Although from the dark look he sent her, she hadn’t quite managed to completely conceal it, but she merely smiled at him unable to resist reaching out to brush her fingers through his hair.

“Mira?”

“Just go to sleep,” she ordered softly, slightly embarrassed to feel him watching her although she didn’t pull back, and after a couple of minutes he looked away, yawning widely as his eyes drifted shut. He continued to fight the pull of sleep for another few minutes, eyes inching open only to drift shut seconds later. However, eventually the lingering tension drained out of his body and his eyes stayed shut, but she remained where she was, fingers still toying with his hair until he began to snore softly. The noise that she knew had often driven Lisanna up the wall when they were younger, bringing a strained smile to her lips as she stared at him, praying that he would be able to avoid any nightmares after so much stress.

_Sleep well…_

**

   Eventually, she forced herself to leave him in peace, aware of just sensitive his hearing was and not wanting to risk disturbing his sleep. Besides she wanted to take the opportunity to see how Happy was doing, as it had been clear that Natsu had been slightly stunned by how much the Exceed had pushed for him to share his secret and she guessed that in his own way Happy had been keeping his own secrets. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she found herself hesitating for a moment as Happy was staring off into the distance, a lost expression on his face and damp trails in his fur indicating that he had been crying while she was gone. Coughing lightly so as not to frighten him, she waited until he had glanced in her direction before heading across to him, frowning as he frantically scrubbed at his cheeks as though to try and hide the evidence of his tears.

“Is N-Natsu asleep?”

“Come here Happy,” Mira encouraged gently, ignoring the question as she recognised it as a weak attempt to divert her attention, instead settling on the couch beside him and waiting for him to shift closer before wrapping a supportive arm around him, and feeling the tremors going through him. So I was right…She thought sadly before tightening her hold on the Exceed. “Are you all right?” She asked gently, already knowing the answer to her question, but wanting to give him the option of talking to her or not.

“I…” Happy hesitated for a moment, before turning huge eyes towards her and she sighed as saw the tears brimming in her eyes. “I don’t know how to help him!” The last bit came out as a heartbroken wail as he finally gave voice to the fear he’d been hiding since he’d first learnt what was wrong with Natsu. Mira wasted no time in pulling him into a proper hug, feeling him breaking into body-shaking sobs as he pressed his face against her in an attempt to stop his tears. _Oh, Happy_ … For a moment she felt a brief flicker of irritation towards Natsu for fighting so hard to keep his secret, hadn’t he realised how much of a burden he was putting on that Exceed with his decision? However, the irritation was short-lived as her own grief and worry crashed down once more, and all she could do was cling to Happy, burying her face against him.

“It’s okay, you’re not alone anymore,” she whispered softly. If she was honest, she felt just as lost as he was, and she had absolutely no idea what she was going to be able to do to help besides keeping her promises.

“Aye…”

****

   Natsu had slept the entire afternoon away, and at first, she had been worried that it was a sign that the outburst had been more serious than he’d let on, but Happy had calmed her slightly by telling her about their disturbed sleep over the last few days. She’d spent most of the afternoon just talking with the Exceed once they’d both calmed down, Happy filling her in on all the details of what had been happening, and while it had only made her fears worse she could tell that it had helped him to be able to share it with someone else. But it had been a relief to break off and go and start cooking, although Natsu’s continued absence had worried her and more than once she had gone to check on him, only to find him still dead to the world and seemingly free of nightmares. Still, she couldn’t hide her relief when the Dragon-slayer finally stumbled out of the bedroom just as she was putting the finishing touches to their food, and she’d had to fight back a giggle at the sight of his wild, bed-head as he made it into the kitchen and ignoring his bleary-eyed glower.

   He’d woken fully by the time she was finished, and to her relief, he had happily sat down to eat, as Happy had warned her about his lack of appetite. While they ate, they kept the talking as lighthearted as possible, although the weight of the situation never truly disappeared and Mira knew that he was continually watching her for any sign of a negative reaction. Eventually, their talk had moved onto the fact that he would be helping around the guild, something that she remembered Makarov mentioning in passing although he hadn’t gone into detail. And she was relieved by both the prospect of being able to spend more time with Natsu without arousing suspicion and the fact that she would be able to cover for him if another outburst occurred. And she made a silent note to talk to their Master about creating a protected space either out back or in the cellar where he could go if, or rather when his magic began to go out of control again.

   When they’d finished eating Mira had gently refused to let either of them help with the dishes, pointing out that it was already late and that they still had to walk home. Promising Natsu that he would have plenty of chances to do dishes at the guild when he tried to protest, and she’d had to giggle at the grimace he’d given in response. Still, it was with a great deal of reluctance that she gave them a farewell hug, ignoring the way Natsu tensed for a moment before stepping back and offering him a small smile.

“Thank you,” Natsu said softly, he still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the fact that someone else knew his secret, but even he had to admit that it helped to know that there was someone else he could turn to…and someone who could give Happy the support he needed. “Really…I’m glad that I told you…” He admitted with only a trace of reluctance, ignoring the slightly smug expression that flickered across the Exceed’s face as he caught Natsu’s words.

“Anytime,” Mira replied with a smile, barely managing to hide her relief as she’d been worried that he might resent being forced to tell her what was happening, although she knew that part of his forgiveness was stemming from the fact that she hadn’t fallen apart on him. _There’s still time…_ Forcing that thought aside she reached out and gently grasped his hand, waiting until he’d focused on her before adding softly. “Natsu, I mean it. If anything happens, no matter how small come to me.” She glanced at Happy as she spoke, silently conveying that her words applied to him as well, and he nodded slightly to show that he understood and she glanced up to find that Natsu was watching the pair of them, his lips curling up just the slightest amount in the corners.

   However, all traces of his smile had disappeared as the door had burst open and Lisanna had bustled in, stumbling to a halt as she spotted the Dragon-slayer, although she’d immediately lit up with a bright smile and Mira had winced as she caught the minute flinch that went through the Fire Mage.

“Natsu?”

“Hi Lisanna,” Natsu replied awkwardly and Happy echoed the greeting, and Mira saw her sister’s eyes narrowing at the lacklustre response although she carefully kept her expression clear as Lisanna’s gaze flickered towards her for a moment, before she seemed to shake it off and turned back to the Dragon-slayer with her previous smile back in place.

“Are you hanging around for a bit?”

“Sorry I need to get home,” Natsu mumbled, glancing away as her expression fell slightly, but definitely not feeling in the mood for hanging with his friend and pretending everything was fine. Taking a deep breath, he raised his head and looked across at Mira, relieved to see the understanding expression on her face, and his voice was warmer as he added quietly. “I’ll see you tomorrow Mira, thanks again for the food.” Without another word he carefully stepped around Lisanna and practically fled out of the door, Happy following quickly after shooting an apologetic glance at Lisanna.

“Why was Natsu here? Lisanna demanded as she turned to Mira as soon as the door closed behind the pair, noting the pile of dishes on the side with a frown. While she knew that Natsu had grown closer to her siblings during her absence, she didn’t think that they were that close, and she hadn’t missed the way that Natsu had reacted to her arrival.

“It’s nothing,” Mira replies with a smile, forcing herself not to falter as she continued tidying up the kitchen and carefully avoiding looking at the younger girl as she continued. “He’s just a little stressed with everything that’s happening, and he wanted to talk about work as he’s going to be helping me at the guild part-time while he can’t go on jobs.” It’s a little surprising how easy it is to utter the lie, especially as guilt wells up as she glances towards Lisanna…it was her sister that had been friends with Natsu since childhood, not her, and yet, in the end, she was the one that he had decided to confide in. She knew that it hadn’t been by choice, but she also knew that if he’d really wanted to hold out, he could have out-stubborn her and she hadn’t missed the relief and gratitude in his eyes when he’d thanked her before leaving.

“Oh,” Lisanna murmurs with a slight frown, it all sounds perfectly reasonable, especially when accompanied by her sister’s usual soft smile, but…. She glanced at Mira for a moment, convinced that her eyes look a little red around the edges and recalling the odd worried looks that her sister had shown at various times during the last few weeks.

_What is going on?_


	12. Chapter 12

One week later:

   Natsu grumbled under his breath as he heaved the barrel into place, reaching up to wipe the sweat off his forehead with a sigh. While he was relieved to be working, he had to admit that he was bored. It hadn’t been too hard watching the others go off on the job just after their argument, after all, he’d had something else to take care of. But they’d taken another job a couple of days ago, and it had taken Mira’s hand on his shoulder to stop him from chasing after them. _I hate this_ …He glared down at the barrel, barely resisting the urge to lash out at it, shivering as he remembered the scolding he’d received for giving in to the temptation last time. Mira was great to work with, but she could be terrifying at moments and he’d long since promised himself that he was going to do everything in his power to avoid her temper in the future. Besides he owed her that much as she had been brilliant since the day he’d been forced to tell her what was happening.

   Makarov had been even happier than Natsu had ever expected when he learned that the Dragonslayer had shared the truth with someone else. Although the Fire mage was still adamant about keeping it from everyone else, and the easing of the tension in the older man’s face had helped to erase the last of his doubts about someone else knowing his secret. Happy seemed more cheerful as well, and he knew that the Exceed felt better straying from his side now that there was someone else watching over him, which was why he had taken off for the afternoon with Lily. It had also given the Exceed someone to talk with, and he had caught his partner and Mira chatting several times over the last couple of days, which had helped to ease his worries about the burden he was putting on Happy’s shoulders. Still what he hadn’t been expecting was for how much it had helped him, having someone else around that knew precisely what was going on, not that he had any intention of admitting that aloud.

   The rest of the guild and especially his teammates were still acting odd around him, and he’d lost track of the number of times that they’d either tried to help him or hastily changed topics when he approached, and he found that worse than listening to them talk about magic and jobs. And they didn’t even know that it was unlikely he would ever be able to do job requests again and that his magic… His expression darkened as he glanced down at his hands, clenching them and imaging yet again what it had been like before all this. When hen his magic had been his to control and use, and his hands tightened to the point where his nails were digging into his palms. _What kind of mage can’t use their magic? What kind of Dragon can’t control their own element?_ He blinked hard as he felt tears in the corners of his eyes, refusing to let them fall, it was impossible to shake the heaviness in his chest, but he refused to let it show outwardly. It was the only control he had left at the moment.

   His magic had been agitated all week, although thankfully he hadn’t had another major outburst since Mira had discovered him. However, there had been brief but frequent flare-ups, and more than once Mira had stepped in to distract other people. It had been a relief in a way as he didn’t have to come up with more lies, but at the same time, he felt bad for relying on her. She’d only found out by accident, and yet since then, she had always been nearby. Helping him, watching out for him and keeping the others at a safe distance and yet it seemed as though he wasn’t doing anything in return. Even the amount of work he’d been doing was nothing like he’d intended, although at least he knew that wasn’t because she was going out of her way to protect him. She’d even apologised that there wasn’t more to do, and there had been a knowing expression on her face, similar to the one she’d worn when she’d guessed the reason behind his reluctance for others to know that had stopped him before he could try and accuse her of going too easy on him.

_But I need to do more, while I can…_

   A tremor went through him at that thought. No matter what he tried, or the number of times that he thought he’d at least come close to accepting the fact that this was really happening to him, it still hadn’t fully registered, and he closed his eyes. _I don’t want to accept it_ … Another tremor went through him, and this time it was followed by a flash of pain that had him immediately grasping at his chest even as he tried to calm his thoughts. Thankfully his magic didn’t seem more agitated than before, although he didn’t know how much he could trust that as a measure of how in control he was, especially as a second flare of pain shot across his chest.

“Not now,” he muttered desperately as he gritted his teeth, willing himself to calmness, although that was an impossible task as fear, anger and panic whirled together in his chest. _Not now_ …He’d already been down here longer than planned, and while Mira had been busy serving lunch upstairs when he’d come down to the cellar, he knew that it wouldn’t take her long to notice his absence and he didn’t want her to walk in on this. While he had yet to catch any hint of pity in her eyes, he hadn’t missed the concern and shadows that had appeared in her eyes every time his magic had flared up, or he’d shown the slightest hint of pain, and he was desperate to avoid causing her further worry. Go away, he thought fiercely as he rubbed his chest, despair rising as his magic began to shift with extra strength and he felt himself beginning to tremble. _Don’t…_

“Natsu?” The Dragon-slayer tensed at the worried voice from behind him, frantically clasping his hands in front of himself in the hopes of hiding how badly they were shaking, how does she always know when somethings happening? It wasn’t the first time he’d tried to hide something from her, and yet she always seemed to manage to turn up whenever he was heading towards an outburst. And more than once he’d checked himself to make sure that she hadn’t managed to sneak a monitoring spell onto him. Nervously twisting his hands together, he turned to look at her. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah…” _Idiot, could you sound any less convincing?_ He’d never been good at lying to start with, and it seemed even harder to do when faced with Mira’s warm smile, and he had a sneaking suspicion that was one of the reasons why Makarov had been so happy that she also knew what was happening, as it would make it harder for him to hide things.

“Look at me,” Mira ordered sternly, and Natsu hesitated for a moment, knowing that the moment he turned around fully, she would know the truth. Before he could summon up his courage she had moved, and his eyes widened as he felt her hand on his shoulder a moment before she turned him around to face her, and he hastily glanced off to the side as he caught her gaze moving down to his hands. For a moment there was nothing but silence, and then she sighed softly before reaching out to grasp his hands, and he jolted at the touch, cautiously lifting his head to meet her gaze. “Idiot, I told you to tell me when you’re not feeling great.”

“But _…” I don’t want to be a burden,_ Natsu thought with a hint of despair as he glanced away, unable to hold her gaze and barely fighting the urge to yank his hands back. Instead, he shuffled back half a step, only to be brought to a halt by her hands tightening around his.

“Natsu,” Mira said softly, waiting patiently until the Dragon-slayer reluctantly raised his eyes to meet her gaze once more, scowling as he caught the concern in her blue eyes and he shifted uneasily _. I don’t want you to look like that_. “Stop trying to hide everything, it’s not knowing what’s going on that worries me more than anything.” The outburst that she had witnessed the other day, and the flare-ups since then had been bad enough, but she was terrified about what could happen if he continued to try and hide them as things got more serious. The thought of walking in to find him unconscious or worse because he hadn’t wanted to bother her, terrified her more than she was able to verbalise at the moment, and she knew that she needed to get him to open up before they got to that stage.

“But…”

“You’re not a burden!” She couldn’t stop her voice from rising with desperation as she cut across his protest, the startled expression on his face making her lips twitch slightly before her expression darkened once more as she stared at him. _Idiot, think of yourself for once_. However, as she felt another tremor go through him and caught the flicker of pain in the olive eyes before they darted away, she let out a sigh, forcing herself to calm down as she knew that he was reacting to her emotions. “I get that you don’t want me to worry, but that’s what friend’s do. Hiding things from me isn’t going to change that.”

“I’m sorry…” Natsu mumbled sheepishly, well aware that he was being an idiot trying to hide it from her of all people, but it was hard to push aside the thought that he was burdening her and Happy with what was happening.

“Don’t apologise just try to stop trying to deal with everything on your own,” Mira scolded, deliberately keeping her voice as light as possible in the hopes of avoiding pushing him into a full-blown outburst. The day after Natsu had told her what was really going on, she’d spent a couple of hours with Makarov going over everything he had discussed with the healer, and he had been the one to remind her just how much of Natsu’s magic was tied to his emotions. At the time she had been somewhat relieved, as they’d never really clashed since Lisanna’s ‘death’, and she’d thought that meant there was little chance of her pushing him too far. But, of course, she hadn’t realised just how much the situation was going to colour their interactions, to the point where the simplest situation could become a minefield.

“I’ll try.”

“Good,” Mira smiled at him, well aware that was the best she was going to get from him at the moment and not about to push for more. Squeezing his hands once more she then released them and stepped back, struggling to ignore the relief in his expression as he pulled his hands back against himself, the trembling still showing no signs of abating. _Natsu_ …Part of her wanted nothing more than to wrap him up in a hug like she had back at her house, but she sensed that wasn’t what he wanted today, especially as he still didn’t seem overly convinced by her protest that he wasn’t a burden. Instead, she turned and gestured to the stairs. “Come on let’s go back upstairs, I made you some lunch, and it’s probably getting cold.”

“But…” Natsu glanced down at his shaking hands. His magic seemed to have settled somewhat, but he still wasn’t sure that he wasn’t going to have an outburst and he was reluctant to try and sit down in the guild when the possibility was still hanging over his head. The outburst in the back courtyard had shaken him, making him realise just how dangerous he could be if he had another while inside the guild. The thought of unintentionally hurting any more of his friends making him feel nauseous. Mira had been lucky that she hadn’t come out any sooner and that she had been paying attention, and Lucy and Happy had already suffered because of his magic. _I don’t want to hurt anyone else…_

“You can sit near the door,” Mira pointed out gently, well aware of why he was hesitating and wishing that the Raijinshus were around. She had spoken to Makarov, and they’d both agreed to speak to Freed about establishing barriers out back and to see if it was possible to create something to contain Natsu’s outbursts if he couldn’t make it to safety in time. Although how effective that was going to be was going to depend on whether they could convince Natsu to share the truth with the Rune Mage. Sighing she refocused on Natsu just in time to catch the mulish expression that had settled over his face, and her eyes narrowed as he opened his mouth to protest once more. “Not eating isn’t an option either…and I’ll tell Happy if you skip lunch again,” she threatened, unable to completely stop her worry shining through as it hadn’t escaped her notice that he had been avoiding food as much as possible. Natsu’s expression darkened for a moment, but it was clear that he believed her threat because after a moment he slumped in defeat before muttering a sulky.

“Fine.”

**

   Makarov watched with narrowed eyes as Mira led Natsu back into the hall, carefully ushering him into a seat close to the back door and noting how she hastily waved off her sister who’d immediately made a beeline for them. Making a note of the suspicious expression on the younger Take-over mage’s face as Lisanna hesitated for a moment before moving off to join Cana and Elfman at the other end of the bar, although it was clear that part of her attention remained on Mira and the Dragon-slayer. She wasn’t the only person he’d caught watching the pair with suspicion the last few days, and while he was overwhelmingly relieved that Natsu had told someone else, even if it had only been because he’d been forced to by circumstance he couldn’t help but think that it might be their downfall. There was no way to hide that Mira knew something more than the others, and his brats while idiotic had a tendency to be observant at the worst moments, and he knew that it wouldn’t take them long to call her on it.

   It had almost been a relief to see Erza and the others heading off on a job as he knew that they were the most suspicious, but at the same time it had been painful to see Natsu’s expression as he watched them leave and he hadn’t missed the fact that Mira had, had to physically hold him back. He couldn’t remember the last time that the Dragon-slayer had spent more than a couple of days apart from his teammates, and he knew that separation was only adding to Natsu’s stress at the moment, but there was no way he could intervene without drawing attention to the fact that there was something more going on. Sighing he tightened his hold on his tankard, ignoring the way that Cana was watching him out of the corner of her eye as he took a large sip.

“Master?”

“What is it?” Makarov asked warily as he set his drink back on the table, trying to will his expression into one of calmness as he turned towards Cana, his wariness increasing as he caught the oddly sober expression on her face and the determined glint in her eyes. That look had never boded well for anyone in the past, and he doubted he was going to fare any better.

“When are you going to tell us the truth?” Cana demanded flatly, no hint of accusation or anger in her expression, but there was something irrevocable in her gaze.

“W-what?” He wanted to groan as he stumbled over his own words, eyes narrowing as he stared at her contemplatively. _How did you know? Or are you fishing?_ He was well aware that it wasn’t only Erza and the others that hadn’t completely believed his words, but so far no one else had called him on it, and he doubted any of them would, but Cana had a tendency to do the unexpected. “I don’t know what you mean,” he was relieved when his voice came out steadier this time, wrapping his hand around the tankard and taking another mouthful, even as his mind raced over what to do if she pushed the issue. Well aware that Natsu wouldn’t forgive him for telling her the truth, after all, it had only been under duress that he’d opened up to Mira and he was closer to the Take-over mage than he was to Cana.

“We’re not blind,” Cana pointed out in a softer tone than before, sipping her own drink as she glanced across at where Natsu was reluctantly eating his lunch as Mira chatted away to a Bisca and Alzack who’d gone up with a job request. “You’ve been on edge since you told us Natsu couldn’t use his magic and Natsu…” She trailed off as she turned her attention back to the Dragon-slayer, her eyes narrowing as she thought she caught pain flashing across his face for a moment, but then her view was abruptly broken by Mira darting across to him with a worried expression, and there was a flurry movement as she herded Natsu out of the back. “He’s too on edge for it to be something like overstrain, and it’s clear that Mira knows something more. I don’t think I’ve seen her smile properly all week, and she’s never far from his side. Do I need to go on?”

“Please don’t,” Makarov said weakly, worry prickling in his chest as the door swung shut behind Mira and Natsu, but he forced himself to turn his attention back to Cana who had shifted her gaze back onto him with an air of expectancy.

“So?”

“I can’t say,” he held up a hand to halt her protest as her eyes narrowed dangerously at his words, sighing he glanced down…this was why Natsu needed to tell his friends what was happening, but that wasn’t a decision he could make for the Fire mage, and resolutely he lifted his head and met her gaze. “Natsu isn’t ready for everyone to know what’s going on.” He knew that it was dangerous confirming her suspicions, but at the same time what choice did he have? If he refused to answer or tried to circle around the topic, then she would know for certain that he was hiding something, not that she seemed to have much doubt at the moment.

“He doesn’t trust us?” Cana asked quietly, a hint of hurt in her voice as she glanced towards the back door, even though she knew that wasn’t the case. Natsu had always had faith in the guild, regardless of what was going on. Even when Laxus had acted out during Fantasia, he hadn’t lost faith in the Lightning mage, and she couldn’t think of anything that could have caused him to lose faith in the guild as a whole. “But he told Mira…” She could understand Happy and Makarov knowing what was going on, but as close as Natsu and Mira were, it seemed odd that he would choose to tell her before talking to his own teammates even if they had argued on their last job.

“Not by choice, Mira wasn’t meant to know anything either,” Makarov replied quietly, before turning pleading eyes towards the card mage. “Please Cana, don’t push for answers on this. He still trusts everyone in the guild, but…he’s scared.”

“Scared?” Cana echoed with more than a hint of disbelief, although that faded as she thought back to how Natsu had been acting in the past week. The way he shied away at random moments, the dark expression that appeared on his face when he thought no one was looking, and the shadows that never truly left the olive eyes. _Natsu what the hell is going on?_

“Please Cana,” Makarov repeated, and he was relieved to see her expression soften. “When he’s ready, I’m sure he’ll tell you all.” _Eventually, he won’t have a choice_ …It hadn’t escaped his notice that the Dragon-slayer had been having minor flares more frequently this week, and while he hoped it was just a response to the emotional toll of witnessing the guild’s reaction to his current condition, he couldn’t shake the fear that Natsu might be deteriorating faster than anticipated. If that was the case, then his decision to keep it secret might be tested far sooner than he wanted _. I just hope that the decision isn’t taken out of his hands again._ While the Dragon-slayer seemed to have coped relatively well with having to tell Mira, there had been lingering panic and fear in his eyes when explaining what had happened, and it would be a hundred times worse if that happened with the entire guild.

   Cana hesitated for a moment, not happy with the idea that secrets were being kept, she’d had suspicions from the start, but it was very different having it confirmed…What made her even more reluctant to hold her peace was the fact that whatever these secrets were, they putting such pained expressions on her friend’s faces, something that she was tired of seeing after everything their guild had, had to endure in recent years. However, as she met Makarov’s pleading gaze, she realised that she didn’t have a choice. It was clear that he wasn’t keeping it secret because he wanted to, and if Natsu truly wanted to keep it private to the extent where he was pushing his own teammates away, what right did she have to push the issue? Although she had to admit that it helped to know that Mira had only found out by accident, and after a moment she let out a defeated sigh before nodding and adding softly.

“I don’t like it, but I promise I won’t push.” _For now…_

   Makarov caught the unspoken words and made a silent note to warn Natsu that there were others, outside of his own team that were cottoning onto the fact that there was more going on. However, that was something to deal with later, and for the moment he settled for nodding his head in thanks for her promise, privately wondering just how many of the others were going to approach him before the truth came out. Cana offered him a terse smile before rescuing her drink and heading off to join Macao and Wakaba, leaving him to his own thoughts and he let out a soft sigh of relief. Although his expression turned grim once more as he turned towards the door that Mira and Natsu had disappeared through well aware that meant the teen’s magic was playing up once more. _Natsu…_

_Porlyusica please, we need you to find a way to help him._

****

“There has to be something…” Porlyusica muttered under her breath as she thumbed through another book, glaring briefly at the pile already discarded beside her and the nearly blank notebook in front of her and struggling to hold back a defeated sigh. She had spent most of the week searching through Magnolia’s library, and the council records for anything that could help her with Natsu’s problem, and yet she still hadn’t been able to find anything useful. There were plenty of accounts of mages who’d lost control of their magic, but that was usually tied to emotions or using lacrimas to increase their power without any kind of help. The worst thing was that even if she managed to find something similar, it would then need to be adapted for Lost magic, and even then Dragon-slaying magic was a strange magic at the best of times.

   Natsu’s frightened eyes wouldn’t leave her thoughts, and her hands tightened around the books, well aware that he would be hoping for answers when she went to check up on him, and that Makarov was relying on her to find something too. She had never seen him look so defeated as he had that day, and she worried about the toll that this situation was going to take on his own health, well aware that he would push himself to the ends of the world if he thought it could help the Fire Mage. As much as she complained about the old fool and the guild in general, she didn’t want anything to happen to any of them, and yet she was confident that she could protect them this time. _You don’t believe that_. At the time she had been ready to vehemently protest Natsu’s words, if only because they couldn’t have him losing hope, but now they were beginning to seep in, and she couldn't afford to let them drain her resolve at this stage.

   Shaking her head, she refocused on the book with narrowed eyes, even if she couldn’t turn up anything here there were plenty of other places to check. Of course, that task would be a lot easier if the teen would agree to telling other people what was happening, as she didn’t want to be too far from the guild at the moment and especially not for a long period of time. And if they waited until he was ready to talk to the others, then it might be too late. She had encouraged Makarov not to push the issue back then when Natsu was still reeling from the news, but perhaps now they might have to take a more practical approach as she was going to need help to make sure they had exhausted their resources. _I promise we will find something, and that there has to be a way to fix this…_ She wasn’t even sure who she was making the promise to at that moment in time, but there was fresh determination in her expression as she scanned the page.

_I will find a way to fix this…_

****

   Lucy sighed as she stepped into the room they were sharing, the silence that hung over her teammates a painful reminder that Natsu and Happy were missing. More than once in the past she’d wished for this kind of quiet when the hyperactive Fire mage had become too much, and she knew the others had probably felt the same at one point or another, but right now she knew that they’d give anything to have him here and causing havoc. It didn’t help that he had maintained a careful distance around them after their last conversation, never giving them the chance to really try and talk about the argument Erza had, had with him or about his plans whilst he was on forced rest and it had left them all uneasy when they’d headed out on the job without really clearing the air…made worse by the expression he’d had on his face as he watched them leave although he hadn’t protested, it had been the opposite of his calm acceptance the last time they’d gone without him. _Natsu…_

“It’s too quiet…” Gray spoke up from his sprawled position off to the side, and Lucy glanced across at him even as she headed for own futon, noting the scowl on his face before he added quietly. “Never thought I’d say it but I miss the Flamebrain.” He sounded so disgruntled with his own words that the Celestial mage had to fight back a giggle, although her amusement was shortlived as she nodded in agreement.

“I miss him too.”

“Couldn’t he have come with us?” Wendy asked uncertainly, glancing up from the book on healing that she was studying, shrinking back slightly as she realised that they were all staring at her although it didn’t stop her from continuing. “I know he can’t use his magic, but that doesn’t mean he has to stay at the guild does it?”

“It would probably be too tempting for him…” Lucy admitted with a sigh, knowing that the Fire mage was idiotic enough to completely forget that he wasn’t meant to use his magic if they got caught up in something. “But…” She hesitated as she glanced across at Erza who was quietly cleaning one of her swords, the older girl had been fairly quiet all week, but it was clear that she was paying attention to the conversation from the way her hands had tightened on her weapon. _We have Erza, it’s not like we couldn’t keep him in line…_

“I don’t think the Master would have let him come,” Erza commented softly as she finally looked up, a knowing expression on her face as she glanced at Lucy. “Besides, there’s clearly more going on, otherwise he wouldn’t be acting so odd around us…”

“Yeah,” Lucy agreed softly, well aware that they weren’t the only ones that hadn’t been convinced by their Master’s explanation, although so far no one else seemed to have called him on it. But it was more than that…and she couldn’t shake the thought that something more serious was going on. A suspicion that had only been growing over the past week, especially when they’d realised that Mira’s behaviour had changed as well…it had made sense that she would be spending more time with Natsu as he was helping out in the bar, and the guild as a whole, but there was something more to the way the Take-over mage had been acting around him.

“Mira knows something…” Erza muttered, unconsciously echoing the Celestial mage’s thoughts and Lucy turned back to her.

“But why would he tell her and not us?” Lucy asked with a slight frown as she stared at Erza, hearing the jealousy and hurt behind the question. Not that she could blame the red-head, as she’d felt a similar pang the first day she’d realised that Mira knew what was happening. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Natsu to have someone to confide in, it just hurt to realise that her best friend had chosen someone else to talk to, someone who wasn’t even on their team, although she knew that the pair had always seemed to get on well. “I didn’t think they were that close?” She added thoughtfully, certainly, they talked and joked as much as everyone else and Natsu would generally make sure to greet the Take-over mage whenever they came back from a job, but they didn’t seem to spend much time together outside of that.

“They’re a lot closer than many people realise,” Gray replied quietly, and she glanced across at him, unsure of what to make of the solemn expression he was wearing as he stared up at the ceiling, at least until he continued and then her mouth dropped into a soft ‘o’ of understanding. “Natsu was the one that really helped get both Mira and Elfman back on their feet after Lisanna ‘died’, and they’ve never lost that closeness even if they don’t work together a lot. If anything I’d say he’s closer to Mira than Lisanna nowadays.”

“Really?”

“But we’re Natsu-san’s team…” Wendy pointed out hesitantly, while she wasn’t as bothered by the thought of Mira finding out before them as the others, she couldn’t understand why the older Dragon-slayer was suddenly keeping secrets from them. Carla’s expression darkened slightly before she laid a paw on the girl’s knee in an attempt to comfort her. “I just want to know that he’s okay…”

“I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready,” Gray replied softly, but there was uncertainty in both his expression and voice, and he lapsed into silence as he turned away from them with a sigh. _Idiotic Flamebrain, why won’t you just tell us what’s going on?_ It had always been a comforting constant that the Dragon-slayer was always so open about everything, even if sometimes he was much too blunt about certain things, and the sudden change unnerved him more than anything.

“I hope so,” Lucy muttered with a sigh as she sat back on her bed, the tense atmosphere pressing in on her as slowly they all turned back to their previous activities without further talking. There had always been a certain ease to the team, right from the moment they’d first formed it that had persevered regardless of what they’d been facing, but that seemed to have disappeared along with the noise and liveliness that Natsu brought with him, and she had to blink back sudden tears.

_Natsu you idiot…we miss you…we need you…_


	13. Chapter 13

 

   Natsu hesitated for a moment before knocking on the infirmary door, well aware that he could have just walked in, but wanting to delay seeing Porlyusica as long as possible. The last time he’d seen her had been three days ago for a brief check-up, and he’d fled as soon as he’d answered her questions, not wanting to ask her about her research, or about what the increasing flare-ups could mean. He didn’t need to be a healer to know that it wasn’t a good sign, although he was drawing comfort from the fact that he hadn’t a proper outburst for a couple of weeks. He’d been close the day that Mira had rushed him out of the guild, his pre-existing agitation having flared completely when he’d caught what Cana and Makarov were talking about, but in the end, it had only managed to cause him some pain without any actual flames much to his relief. Although he had been careful to avoid Cana after that, well aware that the card user and several others were watching him closely.

   His own teammates had returned a couple of days ago and seemed to have made it their mission to spend as much time as possible around him. While it was nice to see them again, especially as their previous argument seemed to have blown over, it was clear that they were also trying to find out exactly what was going on. Their constant attentiveness stressing him out even more than their direct questions had, and while work gave him an excuse to get away from them for a while, it was still difficult to deal with the attention. It also made it difficult to get to Mira and Happy when his magic was flaring, particularly the former as his team had made it clear that they weren’t happy that she seemed to know more than they did. Thankfully Mira didn’t seem fazed in the slightest by their attention and had continued to keep an eye on him, stepping in and providing him with an escape whenever his magic began to flare, increasing the debt that he already owed her.

“Come in,” the quiet call from within startled him out of his thoughts, and he blinked before reaching for the door, fighting the urge to turn and run away. He hadn’t been able to ask about her progress the other day, but he knew that he needed to do so today. Not least because Happy and Mira wanted to know, especially as he asked to be allowed to see the healer on his own. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and slipped inside, relieved to find that it was just the two of them, although he flinched slightly as he caught the sympathetic expression on her face before she managed to regain a neutral expression.

“Hello…”

“Natsu,” Porlyusica offered him a small smile as she caught the nervousness in his greeting, quietly gesturing to the bed beside her and trying not to be offended by the clear reluctance in his approach as he heeded the silent order. Given that she had only been able to give him bad news and vague advice so far she couldn’t blame him for being hesitant, and her expression darkened slightly as she glanced across at her bag on the table. Days of research and all she had was vague mentions that might lead to something more with work.  “How have you been?” She asked, shifting her attention back to the Dragon-slayer for the time being as he cautiously settled on the bed. Her visit the other day had been brief, especially as Natsu had seemed reluctant to talk to her, but the Fire mage seemed more open today despite his wariness.

“No more outbursts, but the flare-ups have been happening more often,” Natsu replied quietly as he glanced down, his magic for once fairly quiet in the background and he tugged nervously on the ends of his scarf as he recalled how she’d shown him what it looked like. Somehow seeing the fracturing spheres had made the situation even more terrifying, and the image had haunted his dreams the last few nights and he hadn’t been able to bring himself to even tell Happy what had happened. “Have you found anything?” Natsu forced himself to ask, wanting to change the topic in the hopes of driving the memory back, his hands still wrapped around his scarf for comfort as he looked up at the healer. He hadn’t wanted to ask. He didn’t want to hear that there hadn’t been any progress, but he had promised the others that he would ask and he couldn’t break his word no matter how much he wanted to.

“Not yet,” Porlyusica admitted quietly, glancing at her bag once more with a frown. There are answers out there, I just haven’t found them yet. It had become her mantra over the past few days, and she recited it a couple of times before turning back to the Dragon-slayer just in time to see the way his eyes had darkened at the news. “That doesn’t mean you should give up hope,” she hastened to add, knowing that how much time they had to search for a cure was at least partially dependent on his willingness to fight for as long as possible. In the past, she would have said that wouldn’t have been a problem, and she knew that nearly everyone in the guild would have agreed with her, but that was before everything he’d had to endure so far, and it was only going to get worse. _Don’t give up…_

“But…”

“So far my search has been limited to the libraries here in Magnolia,” Porlyusica continued, not giving him time to properly protest and she met his gaze squarely as she explained her reasons, not wanting to give him any room for doubts and uncertainties. “I didn’t want to venture too far until I got a better understanding of the pattern of your outbursts.”

“I’ve been fine.” Natsu pointed softly, although he knew that could change at any time, the current lull in the outbursts leaving him on edge after the past few months of fairly frequent outbursts and his eyes narrowed as he realised that she hadn’t yet managed to witness a proper outburst. Although that might not be a bad thing. As good as Mira and Happy had been, it was clear that the outbursts had rattled them both somewhat and he wasn’t sure what he’d do if Porlyusica reacted similarly, although she was probably better equipped to deal with such a situation than they had been.

“So it would seem,” She replied with a small frown, unwilling to admit that the sudden cessation of full-blown outbursts worried her. Before it had at least had a steady outlet, but the flare-ups were only draining off the slightest amounts of his magic, and she doubted that it would take long for the build-up to become too much for his body. She was reluctant to tell him that as it seemed as though the brief period of peace had given him a chance to rally slightly. However, meeting his gaze once more, she was startled by the knowing expression in the olive depths, and there was a small pang as she realised that he’d already reached the same conclusions that she had. Coughing slightly to cover the sudden awkwardness she cleared her expression before continuing. “I intend to head to Crocus tomorrow. Hopefully the libraries there will yield more results. My only concern is that if your magic decides to destabilise while I’m away, there isn’t another healer capable of dealing with the situation…”

“Mira…”

“Is talented at dealing with most things,” Porlyusica admitted, well aware that Makarov had often made use of the skills to avoid having to call her in unless it was absolutely necessary, and somewhat relieved to see that Natsu was willing to trust the Take-over mage to that extent. “However, this would be beyond her level of expertise, and there is only so much I would be able to tell her before I went.” It had been one of the first things she’d considered when Makarov had told her that Natsu had finally shared his secret with someone other than themselves and Happy. But it hadn’t taken long to reach the conclusion that it still wasn’t enough to cover all their bases, especially if she was away for an extended period.

“So?” Natsu demanded, the swift rebuttal telling him that the healer had already considered these points and from the way she was trying to avoid his gaze it was clear that he wasn’t going to like it.

“I would like your permission to inform a healer at the hospital and possibly Wendy as well,” She replied softly, well aware that neither suggestion was going to go across well. He might have accepted the fact that Mira knew, but she had seen how displeased he was about the choice being taken out of his hands, but as much as she wanted to respect his privacy she knew that they needed more help. Seeing the slightly frantic, but stubborn expression that had appeared on his face, she hastily continued with her reasoning, hoping that as he was calmer this time, he might be more willing to listen to reason. “While Wendy wouldn’t be able to use her magic, she would be able to tide you over until they could get word to me.” She would have to make sure that Mira and Makarov knew to stop Wendy before she could use her magic on him, as adding another foreign magic to his system at the moment would be disastrous.

“Not yet…” Natsu whispered, but despite the waver in his voice, there was no hesitation in his eyes as he met her gaze head-on and she sighed as she took in the determined expression on his face. _Stubborn child._

“But…”

“If…” Natsu hesitated for a moment, glancing down before forcing himself to continue. “If something happens, I’ll tell Gramps and Mira that they can tell a healer what’s happening. But unless it’s absolutely essential, I want to wait a little longer.” He was getting no peace from his friends at the moment, and he knew that was only going to get worse once they knew the truth, and more than once he’d caught a pitying look from guild-mates when they’d remembered he wasn’t allowed to use his magic. _If they knew the truth_ …Happy and Mira had proven his expectations wrong, but he had a feeling that they were going to be the exception and he wasn’t ready to deal with the opposite reactions.

“Natsu,” Porlyusica said with a sigh before trailing off, somewhat surprised that he had so easily agreed to that much and her brow furrowed in thought. It went against her instincts to leave a patient without a firm plan in place, but she could see from his expression that this was as much leeway as he was willing to grant at the moment. She wished that she could understand just why he was so against everyone knowing but she doubted that he would be willing to share with her. “Fine…I won’t push on the matter, but if something happens you must let them tell someone, and you need to think about telling other people. Time isn’t your friend at the moment, and I don’t want you to leave it too long and wind up regretting it.”

“I know,” Natsu replied softly. More than once since he’d heard the diagnosis he’d woken from nightmares where he’d died before anyone had known the truth. The pain he’d caused his friends in those dreams haunting him, and yet still he couldn’t bring himself to come out and tell them what was happening. _I still have time…_

   Porlyusica studied him for a moment, seeing the fear in his expression and once again cursing the fact that she didn’t have better news to give him or any news for that matter. Realising that it would do more harm than good to continue on that topic she straightened, a business-like expression on her face and his eyes immediately darted back to her with a hint of trepidation in their depths.

“If I’m going to agree to go away without another healer in place I need to do a proper exam,” she explained, the brief frown telling him just how unhappy she was with the idea of leaving him without a healer, and for a moment he felt himself wavering. However, as much as he hated the thought that she was worried about him, the idea of telling the others was too much. Instead, he gave a small nod to show that he agreed to the examination, reaching up to slowly unwind his scarf only to freeze as a thought occurred to him.

“Just…”

“Just?” She echoed with a confused frown.

“Don’t show me the spheres again…please?” Natsu pleaded, unable to stop himself from shuddering at the mere thought of being faced with that sigh again and the healer nodded at once. She had known that he hadn’t reacted well to the visible evidence of what his magic was doing, so the request didn’t really surprise her, and she knew that if she were in his shoes, then she wouldn’t want to see it either.

“I’ll need to look at them, but I’ll warn you before I do so you can close your eyes,” she promised gently, making a note to warn Makarov just in case he needed to seek help while she was away. Natsu let out a soft sigh of relief, some of the fear easing from his expression as he resumed removing his scarf and vest, and she nearly missed his quiet whisper a moment later.

“Thank you.”

**

An hour later:

“Natsu? What did she say?” Happy asked, darting across the moment the door swung shut behind his partner. He hadn’t been pleased when Natsu had insisted on meeting the healer on his own, even though he trusted the Dragon-slayer to tell him if something serious happened. It didn’t escape his attention that Natsu had drawn in on himself when he’d approached, and he shared a worried look with Mira before asking in a softer voice. “Has she found anything?” With Mira now able to keep an eye on his partner, the Exceed had taken to spending the odd afternoon in the guild library searching for anything that could help the Fire mage, even though logically he realised that Makarov had probably already done the same. It had given him the feeling of actually doing something, but so far he hadn’t been able to find anything that could actually help his partner.

“No,” Natsu’s voice was dull, and he avoided looking at either of them, his hands clenching at his sides and Happy’s expression fell as he realised that his partner was trembling. Not the full body tremors that came when his magic flared, but tiny, barely noticeable trembling and he fell silent even as he reached out to lay his paw on his partner’s leg.

“Natsu?” Mira had noticed the trembling as well, and she had caught the shadows in his eyes when he’d first walked out and a chill settled over her. Was it bad news? While he had promised to tell them what was happening, she knew that if it were bad news, then he would do his utmost to spare them, even if it backfired on him and with a sigh, she stepped closer. “Natsu, talk to us. Did something happen?” There was no response, and she wasn’t sure if he’d even heard her words, hoping to draw his attention she reached out, only intending to give him a gentle shake and she was taken by surprise by his response to a gesture that he had welcomed only a few hours before.

“I want to be on my own,” Natsu snarled as he wrenched himself out of her reach, before blanching at his own tone and he quickly turned apologetic eyes towards the pair of them, catching the hurt in their expression and he sighed and ducked his head. _Idiot, it’s not their fault, they’re trying to help_ , he scolded himself silently, and yet even that wasn’t enough to completely quell the flicker of irritation that their fussing had caused. He knew that they just wanted to help, but the fact was that for the time being there was nothing they could do, and having them fussing and panicking around him only drove that point home. Still, they didn’t deserve to be snapped at. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Happy replied quietly as his expression cleared, although the strain in his voice showed that he didn’t fully understand even as he added softly. “We shouldn’t have pushed.”

_Don’t shut me out Natsu…_

“I’ll be back in a bit,” Natsu mumbled under his breath, fighting back a growl as he caught the uncertainty in their eyes and he raised his head enough to meet Happy’s gaze as he added tersely. “I promise.” While it was clear that the Exceed still didn’t like the idea of him going off on his own, a little of the tension in his eyes eased at the Dragon-slayer’s words, and after a moment the cat gave a small, albeit reluctant nod of acceptance. Seeing that Mira sighed and held back the protests that she had been forming, realising that it wouldn’t help to push the issue now that Happy had agreed, still, she couldn’t hide her concern as she met Natsu’s eyes for a moment.

“Just be careful.”

   Not trusting himself not to snap again at the moment Natsu settled for a quick jerk of the head, holding her gaze for a moment longer before turning and practically bolting. And it was a struggle for both Mira and Happy to stop themselves chasing after him as they caught the glint of tears in his eyes just before he turned away.

_Natsu…_

**

   Porlyusica frowned as she heard the other two finally move away from the infirmary. She hadn’t wanted to pry into their discussion, but she’d been worried about Natsu’s demeanour at the end of the examination, and it seemed as though those concerns had been justified, she couldn’t remember ever hearing the Dragon-slayer snap at his friends like that before and whilst she didn’t blame him, it worried her. Stepping away from the door she turned her attention back to the notepad lying on the bed, crimson eyes darkening as she stared at it. While she had kept her word and warned him when she was looking at the spheres that represented his fractured magic, she hadn’t been able to conceal her reaction to what she’d found.

_“What is it?” Natsu had demanded the instance he’d caught her sharp intake of breath, and she’d cursed herself for forgetting just how good Dragon-slayer hearing was. Staring wide-eyed at the sphere that represented his own magic she’d found herself at a complete loss for words, and she’d started violently when he’d prompted her for a response. “Porlyusica?” There was fear in his voice this time, and that more than anything dragged her back to the present, especially when she realised that he was struggling not to turn and look at her, still wanting to avoid looking at the spheres._

_“I…”_

_“Porlyusica…please,” He’d regained some composure, and she was caught by surprise when he suddenly straightened and whirled around, olive eyes immediately landing on the sphere that had caused her reaction and she saw the moment realisation set in. “Is that…?” Hastily banishing the spell, she reached out to grip his arm, realising that he was quickly heading into a blind panic and hoping that she could offset an outburst, although she had no idea what she could do to comfort him. “Tell me,” he was shaking and barely holding himself together, but there was something irrevocable in his broken voice, and she couldn’t deny him._

_“Your own magic it’s faded since I last looked at it,” she replied softly, unsurprised when his knees had buckled, and she’d carefully guided him down to the floor, hesitating for a moment before wrapping her arms around the teenager. For a moment he’d tried to fight her, but then something had clearly shattered, and suddenly he’d buried his face against her as he broke down in sobs. There had been a suspicious stinging in her own eyes as she’d done her best to comfort him. Three days. It had only been three days since she’d last checked his magic, and yet the largest sphere which had been the most blaring back then looked as though someone had drained most of the colour from it…_

   Bringing herself forcefully back into the present she moved forward and retrieved her notes. What could have caused that change? The speed of the development scared her, but what really bothered her was that there didn’t seem to be as much change in the other spheres, and if anything she’d expected them to dull first, as his own magic should have been putting up the strongest fight. _Unless_ …She’d carefully avoided the topic of talking to the others while examining him, but she hadn’t been able to stand the terse silence and had begun to talk to him about the jobs he was doing and what he was doing outside of work. He’d been fine with those topics, although it was clear that he missed being able to work properly and being able to participate in the brawls that had always been part of Fairy Tail.

   The trouble had come when she’d tried to ask him if there was anything he wanted to do or planned to do while his outbursts were still manageable. The Dragon-slayer had immediately fallen silent, his posture tenser than she had seen it so far and she’d immediately regretted her question. Silently she’d continued with her examination, not expecting him to reply, and it had startled him when nearly ten minutes later he’d whispered a response, although when it registered she’d wished that he hadn’t answered.

“I don’t have a future, so what’s the point?” Natsu’s voice had been quiet and matter-of-fact, and that had cut deeper than the defeated expression on his face when she’d moved to look at him, fully intending on lambasting him for his words. However, there had been something in his face that had caused her words to freeze in her throat, and she hadn’t been able to bring herself to counter those words. Now though, fresh regret flooded her.

His magic is tied to his emotions, so if he’s given up…

****

  Natsu was startled when he realised that he’d ended up in front of the rough hut where he and Lisanna had raised Happy together. He hadn’t really had a destination in mind when he’d left the guild, just wanting to get away from everyone and everything for a while, even though he knew that he’d hurt his partner and Mira by pushing them away. It was foolish, but even though they knew what was happening, and what was still to come, he wanted to spare them as much as possible. It was bad enough that they had both seen the outbursts, he didn’t want them to see him falling apart as well, although with time he knew that even that would be taken out of his control and he bit his lip at that thought. Relying on his friends was something that the guild had taught from the moment he’d joined, and before this, he’d done it without hesitation, and yet now…

_I don’t want to be a burden…_

   Sighing he sank down onto the grass in front of the hut, his gaze distance as he looked back at Magnolia, the spires of the guild drawing his attention, just as they always had from the moment Makarov had led him past the doors all those years ago it had been home. Yet right now the sight of the place that had been his home, that had been all he could see for the future was painful to look at. He’d always dreamed of the future, of growing up with his friends and keeping Fairy Tail as one of the top guilds, of finding Igneel, and it wasn’t until he’d replied to Porlyusica’s question that he’d realised that at some point that vision of the future had disappeared. That all thoughts of the future had been swallowed by darkness. _I have no future_ , his own words echoed in his mind, and he felt his vision blurring with fresh tears, and he blinked violently to try and hold them back, wishing that it was as easy to drive those words away.

“There you are,” the sudden voice made him jump, and he bit back a curse as he realised that he must’ve been really out of it for someone to manage to sneak up on him. Hoping that he looked better than he currently felt he twisted around, blinking in surprise as he found Lisanna peering down at him with worried eyes.

“Lisanna?”

“I saw you leaving the guild,” she explained as she caught the startled glance, smiling at him as she settled down onto the grass and barely resisting the urge to reach out and wrap him up in a hug. He’d looked so lonely when she’d been walking towards him, but now that she was right next to him it was impossible to ignore the walls that he’d been putting up for the past couple of weeks. _Natsu, why are you trying to shut us out?_ She knew better than to outright ask that though, and instead, she settled for leaning back and continuing her explanation. “I tried calling after you, but you were in your own world. I figured you might come up here.”

“Oh,” Natsu blinked at the explanation. _Just how lost in my thoughts was I?_ In the past, it would’ve been impossible for him to miss the sound of someone calling to him, or to fail to notice the familiar scent of an approaching friend, and his expression darkened at the realisation that everything was already changing around him. Sighing he glanced at the hut behind him, eyes narrowing as they passed over where the grave he had built for her had once stood. It had been a good day when he’d been able to tear down that marker, and he had to blink back tears at the thought that it might not be long before someone had to build one for him. _Don’t think about that. don’t think about it,_ he grasped handfuls of grass as he felt Lisanna’s eyes on him, and his voice strained as he added weakly. “It’s a good place to think.”

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Lisanna asked after the silence had dragged on for several minutes, keeping her voice as light as possible, even though all she wanted to do was yell at him for worrying everyone - for worrying her. It hadn’t helped that she’d seen her sister following him down into the hall with Happy in tow, both of them looking stressed and close to tears.

“I can’t…” Natsu whispered as he stared off into the distance, and Lisanna carefully swallowed her initial response of demanding ‘ _why not’_ ; when she caught the lost expression on his face. It had been years since she’d seen him look like that, and her heart ached as she realised that it was the one he’d worn whenever his thoughts had strayed to Igneel when he’d first come to the guild. A weight settling in her stomach at the thought that whatever he was trying to hide was serious enough to match that level of pain. It took her a couple of minutes to get her voice to work once more, and when it did, it came out as a soft whisper.

“Why?”

   Natsu glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, startled to realise that she wasn’t demanding an answer to what was going on, but an explanation as to why he couldn’t share it, and something eased slightly in his chest. Everyone had been so busy trying to work out what was going on, that not one of them seemed to have considered that he might have good reasons for hiding it, let alone going so far as to ask about it. However, he hesitated unsure of how to explain everything whirling through his head that stopped him from telling everyone the truth. It had been easier with Mira as she seemed to have known what he was thinking before he’d even worked it out for himself, and for a moment there was a flicker of grief as he realised that he was no longer as close to Lisanna as he’d been in the past. Still, it was a dull ache compared to everything else, and he sighed before glancing down.

“I’m not ready…” He admitted softly, unable to bring himself to look at her as he stared at the ground at his feet, struggling to find the words to convey what he wanted to say without sounding like an idiot, or revealing more than he wanted to. He’d replied without thinking to Porlyusica earlier, and he was keen to avoid any more revelations like that, fairly sure that he would go to pieces if he had to deal with any more at the moment. “It’s going to change everything, and I don’t want that to happen yet.”

“Everything?” Lisanna asked softly, and Natsu blinked as he struggled to identify the odd emotions he could hear in her voice even as he muttered a soft reply. _Everything is changing already. I’ve just been trying to pretend that it hadn’t…_

“Yeah…”

“Idiot,” Lisanna cut across him sharply, but there was no real heat in her voice, and Natsu’s head shot up as he realised what she’d said.

“Huh?” Natsu gaped at her, where the hell did that come from? Being called an idiot wasn’t anything new, but he couldn’t understand why she was calling him it at the moment, especially when she had no idea what was going on.

“You’re still an idiot,” Lisanna explained with a sigh as she turned to meet his gaze head-on, blue eyes glittering with such certainty and determination that the Dragon-slayer found himself frozen in place as he stared at her in confusion. “There are some things that aren’t going to change, no matter what it is that you are hiding from us.”

“What…?”

“You’ll still be a member of Fairy Tail!” She replied as she held his gaze for a moment, before reaching out and gently grabbing his hand, her expression falling slightly as she realised that he wasn’t as overwhelmingly hot as usual, but hastily pasting a smile on her face before adding strongly. “You’ll still be our friend! Nothing, and I mean nothing is going to change that.” _How could you think everything would change? That those things would change? Is it that bad?_ Oh, how she longed to be able to demand answers from him, but the hint of hope that had appeared in his eyes was enough to reassure her that she’d chosen the right approach _. I can still reach you…_

“But, you don’t know what I’m hiding…” Natsu muttered.

“No,” Lisanna admitted, and Natsu blinked at the unexpectedly light tone that she’d used, having half-expected her to turn around and point out that it was his fault that she didn’t know what was happening or to demand answers. And he could only stare at her as she continued, with not even a hint of hesitation in her voice or words. “But I do know that if you asked any of the others, they’d say the same. No matter what you’re going to tell us, it won’t change everything.”

“I…”

“You don’t have to tell me right now,” Lisanna reassured him, gently squeezing his fingers and offering him a warm smile as he glanced down for a minute before peering up at her once more. “I might not be happy about it, but I’ll wait until you’re ready. Just so long as you remember that not everything is going to change.” She could see that he wasn’t completely convinced, and she longed to know what could have shaken his faith in the guild and his friends to this extent. Because no matter what had happened in the past he’d never lost his faith, and it scared her to think about what might be capable of shaking that foundation now. However, the weak attempt at a smile he offered her after a couple of minutes and the small nod of agreement, eased her worries a little and she was caught by surprise when he abruptly tugged her against his side. “Nat…” She cut herself as she peered up, realising that there were tears trickling down his cheeks and instead she wrapped her arms tightly around him, remembering doing the same when they were younger, and he lost hope of finding his father. “I’m here…”

“Thank you…”

****

Two days later:

“Thanks, Princess,” Gajeel teased as Natsu settled the tray of drinks down on the table in front of him and Levy, smirking as Natsu’s eyes immediately narrowed at the taunt, hands tightening on the handles of the tray, and it was clear that he was considering hitting the Iron Dragon-slayer. It had been a long couple of weeks, as the entire guild had been somewhat subdued since Makarov’s announcement. Especially as Natsu was usually at the centre of the most of the chaos and Gajeel was desperate to lift the sombre mood. Besides if it was only magic that he couldn’t use, there was no reason that Natsu couldn’t resort to using his fists, after all, they’d done that often enough in the past, and if he was honest, he hoped that it would cheer up the Flamebrain as well.

“Don’t call me that,” Natsu growled, but there was a strained expression on his face, and Gajeel blinked at the response. _Why are you holding back Salamander?_ He’d stayed out of the speculating so far, figuring that it was the Fire mage’s business if he didn’t want to tell them, but now he felt a spark of genuine curiosity, and he lent forward with a smirk.

“Or what…Princess?”

“Gajeel!” Levy said warningly, eyes narrowed as she stared at the Iron Dragon-slayer and easily making out the mischief in the crimson eyes that met her gaze for a moment before he glanced aside, and her voice was stern as she added quietly. “Behave yourself, remember what the Master…” Abruptly realising that Natsu was still right there in front of her, she trailed off, cheeks colouring slightly as she glanced at him and the Fire mage fought the urge to sigh especially as he realised the nearby tables had gone quiet as well.

“It’s okay,” he muttered with a forced smile, well aware that she hadn’t really meant anything by it and half-wishing that she had just finished what she’d been saying. The avoidance in a way was worse than the constant attention and questions, but he wasn’t about to voice that thought when he could feel his teammates watching them, and he fought the urge to turn around and growl at them.

   Although his chat with Lisanna, followed by a pleasant evening hanging with her and Mira in the guild and dinner at their house had cheered him up slightly, he’d still felt on edge the last couple of days and not even the knowledge that Porlyusica had left in search of answers had helped. It felt like he was going through the motions. And the realisation that he’d reached about the future refusing to leave him alone, and the way the guild was still acting hadn’t helped in the slightest. His hands tightened even further on the handles of the tray. _I want to be normal…I want a future…I want to be able to hit Gajeel without fear of what it might do to me and the guild… I want…_ He cut himself off and took a deep breath, well aware that it wasn’t going to do him any good to get caught up on everything that he wished was different. Only to tense as he realised that his hands had begun to tremble and for a moment he went completely still. _It can’t be..._

    Eyes wide he stumbled back a couple of steps, ignoring the suddenly alarmed expressions on their face, his previous irritation disappearing into terror as for the first time in days he felt his magic beginning to churn viciously under his skin. _Why?_ After seeing the state of his own magic he’d thought that maybe that was the reason for the lack of outbursts, but as pain shot across his chest, he realised just how naïve that hope had been because this was nothing like the flare-ups he’d had recently. Realising that he was in the centre of the guild, surrounded by people that could be hurt by his flames he turned and bolted for the back door, ignoring Gajeel and Levy as they called out to him. Every part of him focused on holding back the rising wave of magic and getting out of there before his control snapped completely.

**

   Makarov was sat in his office pouring over some of the books he’d been sent from other guilds. He’d been holed up in his office since Porlyusica had left, unable to bear the thought of facing Natsu after hearing what he’d said to the healer. Although he had made sure that the Dragonslayer had made it back to the guild after taking off on Happy and Mira, and he had been relieved to see him there that evening, chatting with Lisanna and Mira, although it had been impossible to miss the strain in his expression and he knew that the problem was far from resolved. _When did you give up on the future?_ He’d known that Natsu wasn’t handling the situation anywhere near as well as he’d been pretending to, but he’d never once really considered that it went to the extent of losing hope in the future. _If only we’d had the answers he needed…_

  Realising that it wasn’t going to help anyone to think like that, he’d thrown himself into research, hoping that they could find something that would help reignite the Dragon-slayer’s hope, well aware that Porlyusica was driven by the same motivation as she’d left for Crocus straight after filling him in on everything that had happened. Yet it was difficult to focus, his own doubts and worries creeping in and distracting him, despite his best efforts to hold them at bay and it was another reason why he had been avoiding the teen. Until he could repair his confident mask, there was no way he was going to risk increasing Natsu’s fears.

   He was just about to start on a new book when he tensed, suddenly aware of the magical energy that he could feel permeating the air around him, and the book fell from suddenly nerveless fingers as he realised that he recognised the magic. Without thinking about it, he was up and out of his chair and halfway across the room before he’d even consciously thought about moving.

_NATSU!_

**

   Natsu had barely managed to get halfway across the guild when he was sent crashing to his knees by a particularly sharp spike of pain, his breath catching as he struggled not to scream. He was vaguely aware of the frightened voices around him, and the fact that he hadn’t managed to get out of the guild in time, but he couldn’t get his mind to focus enough to work out just what that meant at the moment. _It hurts…It hurts_. It was impossible to focus on anything but the pain radiating through his chest, his vision blurring as darkness threatened to drag him under, and he was unaware of the tears that were dripping down his cheeks as he clutched at his chest, unable to feel the bloody furrows he was creating as he struggled not to cry out. _Make it stop, it hurts too much._ The outbursts had been painful from the start, but this was something more, and it terrified him, and with a huge effort he reached out with a shaking hand, desperately needing something or someone to ground him and make the pain disappear.

“Mira…”

   Mira had known that something was wrong the moment he’d gone completely still in the middle of talking to Gajeel and Levy, and she already been pushing her way through to him when he’d cried out sharply, the sound freezing her in place for a moment. She had seen him in pain more times than she’d ever wanted to, especially the last couple of weeks, but she had never heard him sound like that and it sent a shard of ice through her heart. _Natsu_ …Shaking off her shock she sped up, not even bothering to apologise as she forcefully pushed Levy aside, unable to focus on anything but the Dragon-slayer at the moment as it sank in that there was no way she was going to be able to get him out of the guild on time. _Unless…_

“Happy!” She cried, praying that the Exceed would be able to get to him and get him outside before he lost the last tendril of control he had over his magic.

“Aye Sir!” Happy had apparently had the same thought because he shot over her head seconds later, expression fierce as he zeroed in on his partner. However, Mira realised a moment later that they were already too late as the air around them suddenly shot up several degrees, and her eyes widened in alarm, realising immediately that this wasn’t going to be a mere flare-up and she intensified her efforts to get to the front. “Natsu!” The Exceed’s frantic shout was the only warning they had before the Dragon-slayer suddenly erupted in flames, the force of the explosion forcing everyone back several steps and Mira was relieved to see Happy veer off undamaged just before the flames could reach him. However, the relief died quickly as she realised that Natsu was writhing in the centre of his magic.

“Natsu!” Finally, free of the crowd she darted forward, unsure of what she could do to help but determined to try as another pained cry tore at her heart. The one in the courtyard had been bad enough, but something told her that this was far worse and it was that thought that made her forget the danger, charging towards him without thinking. Apparently, his magic took offence at that action, as tendrils of flame shout of from the main inferno and she dodged aside a moment too late, crying out as one of them caught her arm, the pain sending her stumbling back even as she stifled her cries. If Natsu heard…Still, there were tears of pain in her eyes as she dropped to the floor a safe distance from Natsu.

“Mira!”

“Mira-nee!”

“I’m fine,” Mira waved off their concern, cradling her burnt arm against her stomach even as she turned her attention back to Natsu, her heart clenching as he cried out once more. It had been bad enough witnessing the flare-ups in his magic the past couple of weeks, but at least then she had been able to get close enough to comfort him, being unable to even approach him at the moment was making it harder to hold herself together. “Stay back,” she ordered sharply as she became aware of someone trying to move past her, immediately reaching out with her free hand to make sure they stopped. She knew that one of Natsu’s greatest fears were hurting his guildmates and she refused to let someone else get hurt because they were too stubborn, well aware that the Fire mage would blame himself regardless.

“What the hell is happening!” Erza demanded, clearly debating whether or not to heed that command and Mira’s eyes narrowed as she stared up at the red-head, unwilling to put Natsu’s secrets into words even when it was being unveiled right in front of them.

“I can’t tell you!” She snapped, and Erza immediately opened her mouth to argue, only to be cut off as Natsu’s voice rose once more. Only this time it was a scream, and Mira immediately forgot about the red-head as they were all forced to duck down as Natsu’s flames rushed through the air above their heads, and Mira could smell hair burning, only the lack of pained cries reassuring her that no-one else had been injured. The second she felt the flames disappearing she was back on her feet, forgetting all about her own injury and the others who were cautiously rising, her attention wholly captivated by Natsu.

   The Dragon-slayer was slumped where he’d fallen, the floor and furniture around him burnt beyond recognition, with small areas still burning. However, she didn’t care about that, unable to shift her attention from Natsu as she took in the bloody scratches he’d inflicted on himself or the thin trail of blood she could see dripping from his nose, but what scared her the most was the blankness in the olive eyes that met her gaze for a moment. It didn’t look like he was seeing what was in front of him, and she wondered if he was even aware of where he was at the moment. Hesitantly she moved towards him, freezing as his eyes focused on her for the briefest moment before he toppled forward with a weak cry, the sound spurring her forward once more.

“Natsu!” Mira didn’t try to hide the fear in her voice as she dropped down by his side, ignoring her audience as she gently turned Natsu over, eyes widening as she took in the blood trickling from a new cut on his temple and her hand trembled as she reached out to shake him carefully. “Natsu can you hear me? Natsu?!” There was no sign that he could even hear her, and she clutched him tightly even as she looked around frantically for Happy in the hope that he could fetch their Master. Only to tense as she finally became aware of the silent guild surrounding her, their attention focused entirely on the still form in her arms, and her mouth dropped open as she stared at them with dawning horror.

_So much for keeping it secret…_


	14. Chapter 14

 

  For several minutes there was complete silence in the guild, and Mira knew that there was no way they were going to be able to get through this without telling everyone the truth of what was going on, and her arms tightened around Natsu at that thought. She knew that he was no closer to accepting the idea of telling the rest of his team, let alone the guild, but the choice had just been torn out of his hands and she closed her eyes as she imagined how he was going to react when he woke up. There was no way he was going be able to tell them himself, and she swallowed nervously at the thought of trying to break the news, especially to his teammates.

   However, that was something to worry about later, hopefully when Natsu’s injuries had been taken care of, and he was conscious and able to understand what was going on. She lifted her head, intending to call for Happy to fetch their Master only to be cut off as Wendy suddenly pushed her way forward. Dashing towards them with a determined expression, and it was only when the younger girl had dropped down beside them that panic gripped the Take-over mage as all the warnings that Porlyusica had given her ran through her head.

“No!” Mira cried in alarm as she realised what the younger girl intended to do, ignoring the noises of protest that met her refusal, leaning protectively over the unconscious Dragon-slayer before adding frantically. “You can’t use magic on him at the moment!”

“But he needs medical attention!” Wendy snapped, sounding surprisingly fierce at that moment, and she reached for Natsu once more, and Mira hastily drew Natsu closer even as she glared at the Dragon-slayer with furious eyes.

“I know that!” She snarled, not bothering to soften her tone even when Wendy’s eyes widened in alarm at the expression on her face, and her eyes flashed as she extended her attention to the gathered guild who still looked unhappy that she was stopping Wendy from helping. “But you’re not listening…HE CANNOT BE HEALED WITH MAGIC!” She was practically shouting at the end, but she couldn’t bring herself to care at the moment, not when Natsu was lying so limp and still in her arms, the ground around them charred beyond recognition and his secrets unravelling around them without his awareness or permission.

“What do you mean?” Lucy asked anxiously, realising that Mira would never have lashed out like that without reason, not that it made it any easier to stand there and see her best friend lying there in need of help, and she had to clench her hands to calm herself to listen to the other girl’s response. Relieved that someone actually seemed calm enough to listen Mira took a deep breath to settle herself, but before she could try and respond the rest of the guild seemed to have shaken off their shock, and loudest of all was the demands for answers, especially from Erza and Gray who were moving closer.

“What the hell is going on?”

“Mira it’s time you tell us what’s going on with Natsu!”

“ENOUGH!” The sudden shout silenced them all, and they turned around just in time to see Makarov and Happy pushing their way through the crowd, the fury on their normally cheerful Guild Master’s face making them all step aside without complaint. Mira was hit by a wave of relief as she saw them, trembling slightly as she huddled around Natsu, the pressure of trying to protect him and deal with her angry guildmates getting to her. She knew that they were only lashing out because of worry and fear, but it didn’t make it any easier to bear. Happy took advantage of the guild moving aside to dart through and move across to check on his partner, mewing softly as he stared into Natsu’s lax face, his panic rising when Mira couldn’t even muster a reassuring smile for his sake.

“Master! What is going on?!” Erza demanded as she turned to look at him, not fazed in the slightest by the thunderous expression on his face, refusing to back down now that they had actual proof that there was something more wrong with their friend. “This isn't just overstrained magic!”

“It isn’t my place to tell you,” Makarov replied bluntly, unwilling to answer such demands at the moment although he knew he wouldn’t be able to put it off indefinitely. His gaze lingered on Natsu and Mira for a moment, his heart going out to the both of them, and it took him a moment to gather himself once more and take command. “Elfman, can you help get Natsu up to the infirmary?” He asked as he turned his attention to the Take-over mage, who looked briefly shocked at being addressed before nodding in agreement and moving across to where Mira was still sat cradling Natsu against her chest.

“Mira-nee…” He called quietly as he crouched down beside her, knowing better than to just try and take the Fire mage from her when she had that kind of expression on her face. It took a moment before she turned jerkily to look at him, and for a moment he thought that he was going to have to explain what was happening, worried about what was going on to put her that out of it, but then her expression cleared although the fear and worry lingered in her eyes. Slowly, and with evident reluctance she relaxed her protective hold on the Dragon-slayer, and cautiously he scooped Natsu into his arms, scowling as he realised just how light the smaller teen felt in his arms. _What is going on with you Natsu?_ He wondered even as he carefully rose to his feet, with Mira immediately copying him, and he knew that there would be no prying her from Natsu’s side for the time being.

“Wait Mira-san,” Wendy called stopping them both in their tracks, and Elfman turned to watch as the youngest Dragon-slayer rushed across to them with a worried expression, his eyes darkening at her next words as he’d forgotten about Mira’s injury. Happy had apparently cottoned on as well as he moved aside, heading across to the base of the stairs to wait for them. “Let me take care of your arm.” Mira hesitated for a moment, wanting to focus on getting Natsu sorted, but then she glanced down and took in the state of her arm, the pain dulled by shock and her worry for the Dragon-slayer. However, realising that he wouldn’t react well if he knew he’d hurt her she slowly extended her arm, hissing as the movement sent a flash of pain through it.

“Thank you,” She murmured as Wendy’s magic washed over the injury, and the younger girl offered her a weak smile as she worked, and Mira regretted her earlier harsh rebuttal as she watched the burns slowly fading from sight and letting out a relieved sigh as the pain disappeared. As soon as it was healed Wendy sat back, and Mira blinked before realising that the Dragonslayer was gesturing for her to go with Natsu, and she couldn’t help but reach out and grasp Wendy’s hand. “Thank you,” she repeated softly before rising, hurrying after Elfman who’d taken that as a signal to head upstairs for the infirmary.

“Master!” Gray protested, his eyes fixated on the still form in Elfman’s arms as the Take-over mages headed up the stairs, before whirling back to look at Makarov and silently demanding an explanation as to what was going on. Needing some reassurance after seeing the Fire mage in that state, and he wasn’t reassured in the slightest by the grim expression that he was met with.

“I need to speak to Natsu before I can tell you anything else,” Makarov replied firmly, and there was steel in his voice this time, warning them that he wouldn’t be moved on this topic and yet it wasn’t enough to silence all the protests.

“But…” Lucy protested.

“I gave him my word,” Makarov cut across her sternly, holding her gaze until she subsided, knowing that all his children would at least respect a promise like that even if they didn’t like it. Still he wasn’t willing to leave Natsu’s teammates when they were already this volatile, and he had a feeling that he would need to tell them what was happening in private before facing the rest of the guild, and he turned to Happy who had clearly been edging towards the stairs so that he could follow his partner. “Happy can you take Erza and the others up to my office?” He felt bad for asking when he knew the Exceed just wanted to be with Natsu, but he was relieved when the cat nodded in agreement and gestured for the others to follow him. Once he was sure, they were on their way he turned to look at the rest of the guild. “The rest of you, please bear with me while I make sure that Natsu is alright.” Once he’d got nods from most of them, he bowed his head in their direction before turning and hurrying up the stairs, wondering just how they were going to untangle this mess, and paying that Natsu would pull through this latest setback.

**

“What the hell was that?” Gajeel was the first to break the stunned silence that had lingered after Natsu had been whisked away, and Erza and the others had gone up to Makarov’s office.

“No idea,” Macao muttered under his breath, scowling as he glanced between the burnt floor and the second floor, one arm around Romeo’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort the younger mage who looked near tears after seeing Natsu in that condition. “But I don’t think I’ve ever seen Mira look so worried, and the Master wasn’t much better.” Taking a deep breath, he turned to the last Strauss sibling still downstairs, hesitating for a moment as he caught her strained expression before calling out to her, realising that she probably needed the distraction. “Lisanna I think we could all use a drink!”

“All right…” Lisanna replied, blinking as the request finally sank in, reluctantly dragging her gaze away from the stairs that her sibling and childhood friend had just disappeared up. _Natsu_ … Shaking her head, she offered the fire mage a strained smile before heading for the bar, secretly relieved to have something else to focus on, although it didn’t stop her mind from racing as she flashed back to what Natsu had told her the other day. Her eyes stinging as she realised that his secret was going to come out one way or another now, even if Makarov had been firm in his insistence that he wasn’t going to tell them until he spoke to Natsu. _I promise I won’t let everything change,_ she added silently, remembering the fear that she’d seen in his olive eyes, vowing that she would do everything in her power to keep that promise.

“Shit,” Gajeel growled under his voice as he stared at the destruction Natsu had managed to cause, and swallowing hard as he realised that if the Fire mage hadn’t fled from them a moment before, they would more than likely have been caught up in the blast. _Thank you Salamander,_ he thought privately as his eyes darted across to Levy who was looking torn between fear and worry. There was an unpleasant feeling churning in his gut, and he closed his eyes as he thought back to the warning that Makarov had given them. While it was clear that the explanation about what was wrong with Natsu had been a lie, it didn’t seem as though the rest had been, and he knew that he had gone against those instructions by taunting the other Dragon-slayer, not that he could have imagined that it would lead to this. “I never meant for that to happen…”

“Somehow I doubt it’s your fault,” Cana muttered, and the pair started before turning to glance at the Card mage who was staring at the burnt floor with narrowed eyes, sensing their gaze she turned her attention back to them before elaborating with a soft sigh. “We’ve known that something more was going on for a while. I guess we just saw the proof of that _…” Still…_ This was nothing like what she’d been imagining, and she doubted that she was alone in that realisation. _What the hell is going on?_ She’d thought that there would be some comfort to take from the thought that Makarov would have to tell them the truth now, but now she found herself wishing that they hadn’t had to witness, whatever the hell that had been.

“But what could cause something like that?” Levy asked shakily, clutching her book against herself, still struggling to work out how they had managed to go from Gajeel teasing Natsu, to a fiery inferno that could quite easily have destroyed the guild. She offered the Iron Dragon-slayer a weak smile a moment later as she felt his arm snake around her shoulder, taking comfort from the gentle contact before continuing with a frown. “It looked like his magic had a mind of its own. Have you ever experienced something like that?”

“Why are you looking at me?” Gajeel demanded gruffly as he realised that they were both focused on him, although he made no move to remove his arm, feeling the faint trembling going through the Solid Script mage.

“Because you’re a Dragon-slayer,” Cana pointed out bluntly, continuing quickly as she saw that he was opening his mouth to protest. “Laxus doesn’t really count, and Wendy’s not here for us to ask.” Her thoughts were derailed for a moment as she recalled just how frantic Mira had been to stop the youngest Dragon-slayer from helping Natsu, and she was only drawn back to the present when Gajeel finally replied, his voice low and uncertain for once.

“No…”

****

   Mira was trembling by the time they reached the infirmary, but she was grateful for her brother’s presence as it gave her a reason to hold herself together. As soon as Natsu had been settled on the bed, she was by his side, frowning as she reached out to gently brush her fingers against a pale cheek and studying the pained expression that had lingered even after he’d fallen unconscious. _Natsu…_ Her gaze drifted down to his bloody chest, and her expression darkened even as she straightened with a purpose, this at least she could do something about.

“Natsu…”

“Mira-nee?”

“Sorry,” Mira replied as she turned to look at him seeing the genuine concern in his eyes, and with effort, she managed to offer him a brief smile before turning her attention back to the Dragonslayer. “Could you go and get me some clean water and cloths, I’m going to need to clean these up before I can see if they need stitching or not.” Her expression tightened at the thought of having to cause him more pain, the pained screams he’d released during the outburst echoing in her ears, and she prayed that she’d never have to hear that sound again. But she knew it was only going to get worse unless they managed to find something to heal his magic, and she couldn’t stop herself from sniffling slightly as that thought pressed in stronger than ever.

“Wouldn’t Wendy be better…?” Elfman asked tentatively.

“Not at the moment,” She shook her head, unable to stop herself from leaning protectively over the Dragon-slayer, although her voice was even as she explained her reasoning after catching the doubtful expression on his face. “She doesn’t know what’s going on, and she can’t use her magic on him.” _If I’d been a moment later downstairs_. She closed her eyes, not wanting to imagine what might happen if they introduced more magic to his system at the moment. Realising that her brother hadn’t moved she opened her eyes once more and glanced across at him, not sure what to make of the worried and somewhat hurt expression in his eyes as he met her gaze, and when he spoke he sounded more serious than she had heard him in a long time.

“Are you going to tell us what’s really going on with him?”

   Mira studied him for a moment, realising that he must’ve been wanting to ask her that for some time, but he’d avoided saying anything other than commenting on how much time she was spending with the Fire Mage. At the time she had simply brushed it off as part of the job, and she’d thought he’d accepted it, especially after Natsu had managed to cause an avalanche of barrels in the cellar on his first morning helping her in the guild, but now it was clear that he had been humouring. Sighing she glanced down at Natsu with a worried frown, before replying softly.

“Once he’s woken up and knows what’s happening…” She trailed off, well aware that, that conversation wasn’t going to go down well. Shaking her head slightly she turned back to her brother, before adding with a hint of bitterness. “I don’t think we have a choice now _…” It’s not fair._ Natsu had already had so much taken from him, and yet it seemed that even the choice about when to tell people was being taken from him, and she wanted to know what the world had against him. Elfman hesitated for a moment, part of him wanting to demand answers now, wanting to know what could put that kind of expression on his sister’s face. Yet as he watched her staring down at Natsu with teary eyes he found himself unable to force the words out, and with a sigh, he turned and moved off to find the items she’d asked for.

****

    Happy was pacing quietly in front of the fireplace, torn between obeying Makarov’s request to keep an eye on the rest of his teammates or giving in to the temptation to go and check on his partner. He knew that Natsu was in good hands, but that had been the worst outburst yet, and he was worried about what could have caused it, and what it might mean for Natsu’s health. It didn’t help that he could hear the others talking behind him, none of them happy with the request to wait in their Master’s office and all of them determined to demand answers as soon as Makarov returned. _You have no righ_ t…All his previous begging for Natsu to tell them what was happening had flown out of the window as he listened to what they were saying, and he felt his eyes beginning to twitch. Natsu was the one that was suffering, the one that had just had the choice about when he was going to tell the truth stolen from him.

“I don’t get why he can’t tell us, it’s not like he can continue to keep it secret after this,” Erza was grumbling under her breath, and suddenly the Exceed had, had enough. Natsu was in the infirmary, unconscious and bleeding, unaware of the fact that he was going to wake up and find that everything was falling apart around him and they were complaining because they had to wait for information?

“Shut up!” He snapped as he whirled around to glare at them, ignoring the fact that he was also snapping at Carla who’d followed her partner up. Dark eyes flashing as his gaze drifted from one to the other, and there was an underlying hiss to his voice as he added angrily. “You have no right to demand answers!”

“Happy…” Lucy was the first to break the stunned silence that had met his outburst, unable to recall a time when she had seen the Exceed actually lose his temper, and she found herself trailing off as she realised that there were now tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“Natsu is going through enough as it is. He’s not ready to deal with this as well, so demanding answers is just going to make everything worse,” Happy finally managed to continue, his voice softer now although his temper was still close to the surface, and his paws were trembling as he reached to swipe at his eyes. _I can’t fall apart now._ He knew that eventually. They would have to tell them the truth, and he wasn’t looking forward to witnessing their reactions, but he had a feeling that Makarov would need either him or Mira there and he had a feeling it would be easier if it were him.

“But…” Gray protested.

“I know you’re worried.” Happy cut across him, although his scowl had been replaced by an expression of pained understanding as he met the Ice mage’s gaze. “And upset that we’ve been keeping secrets from you, but Natsu has to come first! If you really care about him, you’ll keep that in mind!” He knew that wasn’t really fair, there was no doubt that they cared about the Dragon-slayer, but he knew that the only way to get through to them at the moment was to take a hard line.

****

   Makarov hesitated for a moment before stepping into the infirmary, already cursing the fact that he hadn’t managed to get to Natsu in time, although he had no idea how he could have prevented an outburst like that. Still, nothing had prepared him for the sight that had met his eyes. The damage to the guild itself had mainly escaped his notice, as he’d been focused on Natsu, well aware that an outburst like this after what Porlyusica had discovered during her last examination was a bad sign. The reaction of the rest of the guild had been unsurprising, although he was somewhat disappointed that they had proved so reluctant to listen to Mira about what Natsu needed, especially as he knew that most of them were aware of the fact that she knew more than they did about what was happening.

   Sighing, and with dread settling in the pit of his stomach he forced himself to move, quietly letting himself into the infirmary. Inside he paused for a moment, watching as Mira worked on Natsu with steady hands that belied the tears shining in her eyes, and not wanting to startle her, he coughed slightly. At once her head snapped towards him, and he noted the way she had tensed protectively, moving so she was directly between the bed and the door and he sighed, well aware that it was the guild’s reaction that had caused that behaviour. He knew the moment that she realised who it was because the tension leaked out of her frame.

“Sorry…”

   Waving aside the apology he moved across to join them, his expression falling as he realised that Natsu was still unconscious, and he narrowed his eyes as he studied the wounds that Natsu had inflicted on his own chest and the bloody cut on the Dragon-slayer’s temple. However, it was more than that, as the Fire mage looked tired and strained even in unconsciousness, and he wished that was as easy to treat as the cuts that Mira had resumed working on.

“We’re going to have to tell them, those demands aren’t going to disappear,” she whispered a few minutes later, her voice more strained than he’d ever heard it, and he sighed and nodded his head in agreement when she glanced at him.

“I know, but we’ll wait for Natsu to wake up,” Makarov reassured her at once, although he knew that it wasn’t going to be much comfort in this situation. Turning his attention back to Natsu he studied the Fire mage in silence for several minutes before adding softly. “I don’t have the right to make that choice for him.” _I wanted him to share this with the others, but not like_ this…

“Choice?” Mira demanded, but then her shoulders slumped in defeat as she gently pressed the damp cloth she was holding against the head wound, her voice much softer as she pointed out. “That choice was taken out of his hands.”

****

    It was nearly an hour later that the office door opened behind them and Makarov stepped inside, the weary, stressed expression on his face making them hesitate to speak; and he’d managed to move across to his desk and collapse into his chair before Happy broke the silence before anyone else got the chance.

“How is he?”

“He’s resting for the moment, and Mira is just finishing taking care of his injuries,” Makarov replied gently as met the Exceed’s worried gaze before his expression turned stern as he glanced around at the gathered teens, somewhat surprised that they hadn’t immediately launched into demands for answers. Hesitating before he continued. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait a little bit longer.”

“Alright…” Erza agreed reluctantly, and Makarov couldn’t help but blink in surprise, having fully expected her to be the most strident in her demands. Seeing his surprised expression her lips twisted up in a wry smile, and her expression softened as she gestured towards the Exceed. “Happy had words with us. We still want answers, and we won’t accept any more vague answers or lies, but we’re willing to wait.” There was an edge to her voice that warned him that, that much at least wasn’t up for negotiation and he inclined his head in acceptance. Unsure of what he was going to do if Natsu insisted on trying to keep the secret, although he doubted that even the Fire mage would believe that was possible after what had happened, and he knew that Mira had every intention of convincing him to let them tell the rest of the guild.

“I see,” Makarov glanced back at the Exceed, wondering what he could have said that had so effectively calmed the headstrong Requip mage. However, he couldn’t bring himself to ask as he took in the worry in the cat’s eyes, and his eyes softened as he added gently. “You can go and check on him if you want, although I’ll need your help later.” There was no way he wanted to face the four teens with the truth on his own, and Happy had known what was happening from the start and might be able to answer more questions than he could.

“Aye Sir,” Happy agreed, the lack of surprise in his response telling Makarov that the Exceed had expected that request. Ignoring the curious looks from the others Happy hurried to the door, slipping out and disappearing from sight before the others could even think of finding their voice, although the door had barely clicked shut behind him before Lucy had turned to Makarov with pleading eyes.

“Can we..?”

“I’d like to keep visitors to the minimum at the moment,” Makarov interrupted her gently, well aware of what she was about to ask. Seeing the hurt in her expression at the immediate refusal he explained his reasoning, although when their expressions tightened at the reminder that Mira knew more than did he regretted his words. “And those two know what’s going on so they can deal with anything that happens.”

“It’s not good news is it?” Gray asked softly after a moment, dark eyes narrowed as he studied Makarov, silently demanding an honest answer to his question and with a heavy heart Makarov shook his head.

“No.”

“How bad?” Wendy asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she clung to Carla, the Exceed still looking stunned from Happy’s earlier outburst. This time Makarov hesitated, it was one thing to be brutally honest with the older teens, but Wendy was still rather young, and she idolised Natsu to some extent. However, when she raised her head to meet his gaze, he found the same silently demanding glint that had been present in Gray’s eyes, and with a sigh, he muttered the answer that he knew none of them really wanted to hear.

“It’s bad, probably worse than what you’re imagining at the moment.”

**

   Happy reached the infirmary in record time, unable to shake the memory of his partner’s cries from earlier. He’d seen Natsu go through many outbursts, but that had been the worst one to date, and if he was completely honest, there had been a moment when he had thought that he might be about to lose the Dragon-slayer. It was that thought that had his hands trembling so badly that it took him several attempts to open the door, and when he slipped inside, his gaze was automatically drawn to the still figure in the first bed, and he had to blink back sudden tears at the sight.

“Natsu…”

“Happy,” Mira had turned at the pained whisper, and he halted as he caught how red-rimmed her eyes were, but she managed a soft smile for his sake as she gestured for him to come closer. Slowly he headed across to join them, oddly reluctant to see the damage that the outburst had caused. Aware that this was going to become a more common occurrence and get worse with time, and he was sniffling by the time he reached them. “He’ll be okay,” she whispered as she reached down and scooped him up, gently depositing him on the bed beside his partner so that he could get a good look at the Dragon-slayer, and he felt his breath catch in his throat as he stared at the pale face. There was a bandage wrapped around his head, and there were still flecks of blood in his hair that Mira seemed to be in the process of washing away, but what struck him the most was how young Natsu looked in that moment. Too young to be enduring what he was at the moment.

“He…He looks so young.”

“I know,” Mira’s voice was thick, and when he glanced at her, he could tell that she was fighting to hold back tears and he immediately regretted speaking that thought aloud. Apparently, something in his expression had given him away because she set aside the cloth she had been about to use and reached out and laid a hand on his head. “It’s all right, I thought the same.”

“Will he really be okay?”

“We need to wait till he wakes up to check that bump to the head didn’t do more damage,” Mira replied, sounding calmer as the topic changed, and Happy took confidence from that, aware that she wouldn’t lie to him about this. “But otherwise he’ll heal up, we’ll just need to keep an eye on the cuts.” The Exceed’s eyes darkened as he glanced at the bandaged torso that he could just see peeking out from under the blankets, and his paw trembled as he reached out to gently touch his partner’s arm, his gaze never shifting from the damage.

"Wake up soon Natsu…”

_Please_

****

Two hours later:

   Mira sighed softly as she studied Natsu’s face, searching for any sign that he might be waking up, desperate to see his eyes open so she could confirm that the outburst and the subsequent bump to the head hadn’t done further damage. Happy had sat with her for the first hour before slipping away to re-join Makarov, muttering something about needing to help keep a lid on the others and she couldn’t help but wonder what they had done to put such a dark expression on his face. At first, she’d welcomed the chance to be able to spend some time alone beside the unconscious Dragonslayer, but now the silence was beginning to get to her. Especially as it didn’t offer her any distraction from her memories of what had happened to lead them this point or her worries about how everyone, including Natsu, was going to react to the truth going out.

   She was playing with the edge of the blanket covering him, idly wondering what Makarov had said to stop anyone else from bursting in to visit Natsu when she was distracted by a low moan from the bed. Immediately she leant forward, eyes narrowed as Natsu remained still and silent for another moment before his brow furrowed in discomfort. Gently she reached out and grasped his hand, squeezing it gently as she began to call soft encouragement, carefully keeping her voice low to avoid startling him or aggravating the headache he would probably wake with. It took a few minutes, but she was eventually rewarded by his eyes opening to slits, although she nearly panicked when they promptly slid shut once more. There was a brief pause, but then with visible effort and a low groan of complaint the Dragon-slayer managed to force his eyes once more.

“Hey,” Mira greeted softly as the Dragon-slayer’s eyes slowly drifted towards her, relieved when he managed to focus on her with little difficulty. Patiently she waited as he blinked heavily, smiling encouragingly at him as he opened his mouth to speak, only to wince in sympathy at the harsh croak that slipped free and she immediately shushed him before he could do himself any damage. Brushing his cheek to reassure him, she reached out and gently eased him up into an upright position before reaching for the glass of water that Elfman had brought up for this moment. Carefully supporting him, she pressed the glass to his lips and encouraged him to drink. “Here, small sips.” She had to pull it back a couple of times when he tried to gulp it down, not keen to have him throwing up over the place. Thankfully he seemed to cotton on as he slowed down, and a couple of moments later he tilted his head aside to show he was done. “How are you feeling?” She asked as she set the glass back down on the table.

“Like crap,” Natsu groaned softly as she helped him settle back against the pillows, resting his eyes for a moment before he frowned, and she already knew what was coming even before he opened them once more to gaze at her in confusion. “What happened? I just remember being in the guild, and Gajeel was being an ass as usual…” Everything else seemed cloudy and hazy, and he guessed that had something to do with the throbbing pain in his head and he stared at her with wide eyes, trusting her to fill in the gaps for him.

“You had an outburst,” Mira replied cautiously, well aware that he wasn’t going to take the news well. While he still hadn’t explained what had upset him after the last meeting with Porlyusica she knew it had something to do with why his magic had seemed calmer, and for this to happen now…Sure enough, he paled at her words, and she knew the moment that his hazy memories began to clear because he stiffened as his eyes widened, and she caught the sheen of tears that had appeared before he looked down. She desperately wanted to reach out and wrap him up in a hug, but she knew that he needed a few minutes to work through this on his own, and so she gripped her dress tightly to stop herself from reaching out.

“Did I hurt anyone?” Natsu asked once he’d managed to get his voice to work, although it wobbled in the middle, unable to bring himself to look at her as he gripped the covers tightly. _I failed, how could I have been such an idiot?_ He had honestly thought that the change in his own magic might mean the outbursts had been over, and he had allowed himself to lower his guard. Tears burned his eyes as he realised that everyone must’ve got a good look at what his magic was doing, and it was sheer willpower that stopped him from trying to hide away under the covers, wanting nothing more than for the whole world to disappear at the moment.

“No,” Mira was quick to reply, hearing the guilt in his voice and refusing to let it take root. “But you hit your head as you fell and you’ve been unconscious for a couple of hours, and you clawed your chest pretty badly during the outburst.” Her voice had dropped to a whisper at the end, her hands trembling as her eyes dropped to the bandages that she’d wrapped around his torso. Many of the scratches had been deeper than they’d first appeared, and she wasn’t sure that they would heal without scarring, and she hated the thought that he might be left with a permanent memento of what had happened today.

“But no one else got hurt?” Natsu asked again, wanting to believe her but needing to be sure, the realisation of what a close call they’d had making him feel sick.

“No,” Mira repeated firmly, relieved that she’d had the presence of mind to let Wendy take care of her burns before he woke up. There would have been no way of reasoning with him if he’d known that she’d got hurt as well, as she was determined to make sure that no one else dared to mention it to him. “You were the only one.” She could see the relief on his face even though he still refused to look at her, and she bit her lip, unable to find the same comfort from that fact, hating to seeing him wounded and hurting, especially when she knew that there was worse to come.

“That’s a relief,” Natsu breathed, although it did little to ease the emotions churning his chest and he bowed his head, only to wince as the movement sent a vicious spike of pain through his head. “Ow, my head hurts.”

“I had to stitch you up as…”

“No magical healing I know,” Natsu finished for her, slowly raising his head to peer at her, and she struggled not to flinch at his forced attempt at a smile as he added weakly. “Maybe I’ll get a cool scar out of it.” She knew that he was desperately trying to find something good to cling to, but the attempt just made her feel worse, especially as she knew that they needed to steer the topic onto what they were going to do about the others and she hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“Natsu…”

“Yeah,” Natsu whispered, already knowing what she wanted to talk about and he glanced away screwing his eyes shut for a moment as he struggled to hold back tears. He wasn’t ready to deal with this, and he wanted to scream at the unfairness of it. He had been forced to tell her what was going on because his magic had taken the choice out of his hands, and now it had done it again, and he had to swallow back a howl of anguish. Everything was spiralling out of his control, and yet he couldn’t take it out on Mira, because he had seen the pain in sympathy in her eyes a moment before and he knew that she understood how he was feeling. It was that knowledge that got him to open his eyes once more, and his voice was surprisingly level as he asked. “Has Gramps told them?”

“Not yet,” Mira reassured him, although she knew that it would be little comfort in the current situation, seeing his surprise she added softly. “We wanted to talk to you first.”

“It’s not like I have a choice anymore is it?” Natsu demanded bitterly, before shrinking back in on himself as he realised that he shouldn’t be taking that tone with her. However, when he risked a quick glance at her face, he found nothing but calm understanding, and somehow that helped settle him somewhat, and his voice was softer albeit stills strained as he continued. “There’s no way they’re going to buy ‘overstrain’ after seeing that.”

“No,” Mira agreed softly, relieved that he seemed to be looking at everything rationally, although she had a feeling that he was merely postponing the meltdown. Cautiously she reached out to grasp one of his hands, gently tugging it away from where he was gripping the blanket tightly enough to turn his knuckles white, squeezing his fingers gently before continuing. “Everyone was demanding answers, and I know the Master has Erza and the others waiting in his office, but he refused to tell them, saying that it wasn’t his place.”

“Oh…”

“Do you want us to take care of telling them?” She asked cautiously when he’d been silent for a couple of minutes, unsurprised when he glanced up at her with a hint of relief in his eyes before he gave a tiny nod in response, and she managed a slight curl of her lips as she squeezed his hand. “I’ll go and tell the Master, but I won’t be long alright?”

“Yeah, thank you,” Natsu whispered, it wasn’t enough to convey his gratitude as the thought of facing the others and admitting what was happening had filled him with terror. He knew that it was somewhat cowardly, but at the moment he honestly didn’t think he could cope with anything else, and he strongly doubted that they were going to react as well as Happy and Mira had. The Take-over clearly understood because her smile grew warmer, and she leant in and pressed a chaste kiss to his lip, squeezing his hand one last time before rising from her seat and heading for the door.

_Thank you…_

****

   The atmosphere in Makarov’s office was tense, as all the rest of Natsu’s team had steadfastly refused to wait anywhere else, and although he was attempting to catch up on some of his paperwork, he couldn’t focus properly. It didn’t help that more than one person had popped their head in to try and find out what was going on, and he knew that there was no way he was going to get out of the guild today without telling them all the truth of what was happening. The only relief he had was that at least they hadn’t been hounding him for answers, although he felt their eyes on him more than once, and he knew that they wouldn’t be able to hold their peace for much longer. It was almost a relief when there was a soft knock on the door a few minutes later, and he coughed before calling out.

“Come in!”

“Master,” Mira peered hesitantly around the door, and he caught the apprehension in her eyes as Gray and the others immediately turned to look at her. For a moment she seemed to falter, but then she gathered herself, sharing a brief glance with Happy before shifting her attention to him. “May I have a word?”

“Of course,” Makarov agreed readily, slipping out of his chair and heading for his door, and it was just as he reached it the others began to protest, and he had to pause and glance back at them warningly. “I’ll be back in a moment.” The wait here was silent but implied, and he waited until he received a reluctant nod from all of them before following Mira out into the hallway, waiting until the door had closed behind him before anxiously asking. “How is he?”

“Awake, and there doesn’t seem to be any lasting damage from the head wound,” Mira replied softly, unsure of what they would have done if there had been more damage. Natsu wasn’t ready for his friends and family to know, and she didn’t want to think about how he’d react if they’d actually had to bring in an outside healer. Makarov let out a soft sigh of relief, glad that there was at least a little good news amongst the chaos of the day, although he immediately sobered as she added quietly. “He knows what happened.”

“What did he say?” He asked.

“He knows we can’t hide it anymore, but he’s not ready to be the one that tells them,” Mira replied quietly as she glanced at the door, well aware that Erza and the others were probably listening on the other side, choosing her words carefully as she added. “I told him we would take care of it.” It had been an easy offer to make when faced with his tearful eyes and apparent dread, but she hadn’t missed the looks they had shot at her a moment before, and she didn’t really want to face them again just yet.

“I can do that,” Makarov offered at once, his expression grim as he met her gaze. “It’s the least I can do.”

“This isn’t your fault,” Mira pointed out, hating to hear him sound so guilty and defeated, and well aware of the work he had been doing in private to find an answer to what was happening to Natsu. She knew for a fact that Natsu didn’t blame the older man, even though he hadn’t been able to give him the answers he’d been hoping for when he first approached him for help. She doubted that Natsu would ever be capable of hating any of them, least of their Master, but she wasn’t sure that Makarov believed that at the moment. “Natsu knows that.”

“Maybe not,” Makarov allowed, somewhat taken aback by the certainty in her answer. “But…”

“I know,” She cut across him, not needing to hear the words because she felt the same because no matter how much they were able to do for him at the moment, it didn’t feel enough. “I can stay and help if you want…” She offered with more than a hint of reluctance, her promise to return as quickly as possible echoing in her ears, although she knew that Natsu would understand if she explained to him.

“It’s all right Mira,” Makarov managed a proper smile as he reached up to pat her hand reassuringly, seeing the way her gaze kept straying back down the corridor towards the infirmary. She blinked down at him in obvious confusion, and he gestured towards the infirmary, before adding softly. “You stay with him; I’ll take care of telling the others.”

“But…”

“It’s fine,” He cut off her weak protest, easily able to see that she didn’t want to be the one to break the news to everyone, but she still looked conflicted over leaving everything to him. “Happy is waiting in the office as well, so hopefully he’ll be able to get them to listen.” The Exceed had been invaluable already in keeping the others in his office until they knew what Natsu wanted to do. Apparently, even Erza wasn’t willing to push too far in the face of Happy’s obvious worry, although he was reluctant to make the cat relive sharing the truth of the situation.

“Master,” Mira whispered, relieved beyond belief that she wasn’t going to be the one to try and break the news, although she knew at some point the others were to call her on the fact that she had already known what was happening. She was just turning to go back to Natsu, reluctant to leave him alone for too long when he still hadn’t really reacted to the situation, but she halted as a thought occurred to her and she frowned for a moment before turning back to Makarov who was watching her curiously. “I…Don’t let them come up until tomorrow. Natsu is already overwhelmed, and they’re not going to take it well.” _That’s probably the understatement of the year._ She couldn’t imagine anyone in the guild that was going to take the news well, but she knew that it was Erza and the others that were going to take it the worst, and she was worried that they might speak out without thinking, something that Natsu definitely couldn’t cope with right now.

    Makarov considered her words for a moment, well aware that she was probably right in her assessment of how his other brats were going to react. Their reactions to his refusal to answer their questions before he’d spoken to Natsu were evidence enough of that.

“Very well,” He agreed after a moment, realising that there was no way that Natsu would be able to deal with those reactions at the moment, and his eyes narrowed as he glanced back towards his office. They weren’t going to take the news that they couldn’t see Natsu straight away well, and he could feel a headache coming on already, but he managed not to let it show when Mira offered him a tremulous smile.

“Thank you,” she murmured before turning and hurrying back to Natsu. For a moment he watched her go, but then he squared his shoulder and turned back towards his office, well aware that this wasn’t going to get any easier for waiting.

**

   Mira offered Natsu a small smile as she slipped back into the room, although it slid off her face as she realised just how pale he was and the tears that had already managed to slip down his cheeks and at once she darted across to his side. _Here it comes_. She had known that he wasn’t going to be able to hold himself together for much longer, and part of her wished that Happy was with them as he seemed to be no exactly what his partner needed. However, he was needed elsewhere at the moment, and she was determined not to let the stubborn Dragon-slayer go through this on his own.

   Reaching the bed, she perched herself behind him, waiting until he reluctantly met her gaze, her heart aching as she caught the maelstrom in his eyes. Slowly, giving him time to pull back if he wanted she reached out and wrapped her arms around him, mindful of his injuries and she was relieved when he made no move to stop her. Instead, he sniffled slightly as his hands tentatively crept up to clutch at the back of her dress, burying his face against her shoulder, and she could feel him shaking slightly as he struggled to hold back his tears.

“Let it out,” she encouraged gently, reaching up to run a hand through his messy hair, refusing to let him bury everything once more, even if he could, and not just because she was worried he might inadvertently trigger another outburst. He had already tried to shoulder too much by himself, and while she regretted the fact that the decision to tell everyone the truth had been taken out of his hands. Particularly the way that it had been revealed, she couldn’t help but be relieved by the thought that he would now have more people there to support him, not that she had any intention of relinquishing her place at his side.

“But…” Natsu protested, his voice muffled against her shoulder.

“It’s just me,” Mira pointed out softly, hearing the weakening resolve in his voice, tangling her fingers in his hair even as she drew him closer. “You don’t have to hide anything from me, you know that.”

“Y-yeah,” Natsu agreed weakly after a moment, nuzzling closer into her shoulder, and the increased dampness against her dress told him that he was allowing his control to slip. Silently she tightened the hug, not daring to say anything as she sensed that he more than he wanted or maybe needed to say, and not wanting to give him cause to try and hold back. They had sat like that for a few minutes before he finally found his voice, and she could only close her eyes at the depths of the pain she could hear in his words, instantly wishing that she had the power to turn back town. “I wasn’t ready. I don’t want them to know…I don’t want…” His words were broken and rambling, and his voice cracked wildly at the end, and with a small hiccupping breath he dissolved in silent, body-shaking sobs and Mira hid a wince as he clutched desperately at her back. _Oh, Natsu_ …

   She didn’t try and offer him platitudes or verbal reassurance, highly aware that there was nothing that she could say at the moment that would make the current situation any more bearable for him. Instead, she clung to him just as tightly, silently offering him comfort as he cried and screamed out his fury at the situation, his anguish at having yet more choices stripped from him and the fear of how his friends were going to react. Burying her face against his head, she closed her eyes and felt tears of her own on her cheeks, and she whispered a silent prayer that the others would be able to react in a similar way to her and Happy, knowing that Natsu needed that more than any comfort or hugs at the moment.

_Please…_

****

   Silence. Complete and utter silence was what Makarov was greeted with when he finished explaining what was happening to Natsu, occasionally aided by Happy, although it had been clear that the Exceed was reluctant to share everything he felt, feeling as though he was betraying his partner even though Natsu knew what they were doing. As he stared around at the teens and Exceeds, Makarov felt every bit his age as he saw their shock and tears, the pain that Natsu had waited so long to confide in them, and he knew that the reality of the situation hadn’t fully hit them yet. The worst thing was that he knew that the rest of the guild was going to react in similar ways after all, Natsu had been at the heart of the guild from the moment that he’d led the small, pink haired child into the guild hall. He closed his eyes at the memory of that innocent time, wondering how they had managed to get from there to this situation.

“No…” Lucy’s wobbling voice made him open his eyes once more, and as he glanced at the Celestial mage, he realised that the news was beginning to set in and his heart ached as he took in the tears cascading down her cheeks. At some point, she had moved, and now had her arm wrapped around Wendy who had already dissolved into quiet sobs, her face buried against the older girl as Carla cuddled into her side. He opened his mouth, trying to come up with something that he could say to offer them comfort or hope, stalling as he asked himself how he could do that when he hadn’t even been able to do that for Natsu. However, he never got the chance to speak as Gray suddenly erupted, shooting to his feet with a furious expression that was betrayed by the tears glistening in his eyes.

“You’re lying!” The Ice mage’s voice was pained, and it was clear that he desperately wanted to believe his words, his hands clenching at his sides as a chill permeated the air around him as his own magic bubbled to the surface in response to his emotions.

“Gray,” Happy responded before Makarov could, and the Guild master hesitated, waiting to see what he might say as he caught the understanding beneath the stern tone. “I said the same thing when Natsu first told me, but…this is real. You need to accept it, for your sake and for his.” The Exceed’s heart ached at the words that were leaving his mouth, well aware that even he hadn’t completely accepted the situation, but he knew that his friends needed to hear those words. That Natsu needed them to hear those words so that they would understand his situation.

“There’s no way…” Gray shook his head frantically, desperately trying to keep the truth at bay, but as he stared into the Exceed’s eyes and saw the grief in them, his denial began to fracture. Staggering slightly, he dropped down to his knees, even as he continued to mutter denials, although his voice grew weaker with each repetition, well aware that neither Happy nor Makarov would lie about something like this. “Natsu can’t be dying…he…” _He can’t be, because there can’t be a Fairy Tail without Natsu in it…_

“I’m sorry,” Makarov whispered, wondering why it seemed as though he was destined to see his brats in pain and be unable to do anything to ease it. “We’re looking for something, anything that can help in, and I promise we won’t give up until the end,” he added strongly as he took in their despairing expressions as they glanced up at him, needing them to realise that no one was giving up. That no one was going to give up. Lucy was the only one that managed to give a small nod of acknowledgement to his words, as Gray had since buried his head in his hands in an attempt to hide the tears that were now trickling down his cheeks, and Makarov could tell that it was a forced nod.

   Warily he turned his attention to Erza who had been completely silennt since he’d finished explaining the situation, well aware that she was likely to be the most volatile in her and he flinched as he found her staring at him with burning eyes, although her cheeks were damp with tears as well.

“Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t he tell us?” She demanded harshly, making no attempt to mask her hurt and anger, and merely glaring at Happy when he voiced a quiet protest at her words and tone, before shifting her gaze back to Makarov. “Why?”

“Because Natsu wasn’t ready for everyone to know, and I gave him my word,” Makarov replied softly, already knowing that wasn’t going to be the answer that she wanted, and sure enough her expression tightened and he half expected a weapon to appear as she clenched her hands at her side.

“You should have told us! He should have told us! Was he going to wait until he got worse? Or until he died on us, without any of us having a clue what was going on?”

“Erza!” Lucy protested weakly.

“I’m going to see him. I want to know what the hell he was thinking,” Erza growled, but her tone was growing softer as fresh tears trickled down her cheeks, but there was no missing the lingering anger in her eyes as she added grimly. “He knew we were worried, and he lied to us. He lied to us about something as serious this!” Turning she came to an abrupt halt as she realised that Makarov, moving with a speed that belied his age, had moved to block the door and her expression darkened as he met her gaze calmly. “Master, let us past.”

“Not while you’re behaving like this,” Makarov refused gently, not faltering even as she took a threatening step forward, well aware that she was hurting and trusting that she wouldn’t push too far. But equally determined to hold her here, as he realised this was exactly what Mira had been imagining when she’d asked to make sure they didn’t visit Natsu straight. “I’m sorry, but I can’t allow you to visit Natsu at the moment. He needs time to accept what happened today, and you need time to let this sink in.”

“Sink in…?” Gray asked coldly as he lifted his head, staring at Makarov before adding grimly. “I don’t think time is going to make this better…”


	15. Chapter 15

 

   It had taken nearly half an hour for the Dragon-slayer to cry himself out, and even then Mira knew it was exhaustion that had stopped him rather than the fact that he had calmed down. Sniffling he buried his face further into her shoulder, unwilling to pull back even now and she made no move to object. It hurt to see him reduced to this state, and it was made worse by the fact that there didn’t seem to be anything that she could do apart from hold him as he fell apart. And it scared her to think that maybe this was all she would be able to do for him in the future as well. _I want to do more. I need to do more…_ She thought to herself even as she tightened her arms around him, earning a soft noise of protest from Natsu, and he finally pulled back just enough to peer up at her.

“Mira?”

“Sorry,” she whispered, reaching up to try and wipe away some of the tears staining his cheeks, struggling not to cry herself as she saw the pain in his eyes, realising that his breakdown hadn’t done anything to ease the pressure. “How are you feeling?” Natsu shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before hiding his face once more, and she felt his hands clenching against her back. “Natsu?”

“I don’t know anymore,” the quiet whisper startled her as she’d thought that he wasn’t going to reply, and this time there was no stopping the tears that trickled free as she caught the broken tone. “I just want everything to go away, just for a while…” His voice had been growing heavier, trailing off at the end and she was unsurprised when his full weight came to rest against her a few minutes later.

“Natsu?”

   There was no response, and when she twisted so that she could see his face, it was to find that he had finally succumbed to sleep once more, his injuries and the emotional toll of having his secrets revealed getting the better of him. Reluctant to release him, she gently eased him down into a more comfortable position in her lap, frowning as he stirred fretfully at the movement, reaching out and beginning to run her fingers through his hair. She had to be careful of his head wound, but slowly he began to settle once more beneath her ministrations, but even then his expression remained stressed and unhappy and she wondered how long it would be before he could smile again. If he could ever smile like he used to.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from this…”

**

   She wasn’t sure how long she’d been sat there, just holding onto him and trying to stave off the nightmares that she knew were sure to come. Her thoughts straying to the others as she wondered how they were taking the news. Clearly, Makarov had managed to convince them to wait before descending on Natsu. Otherwise, they’d have already barged into the infirmary, and she was thankful for that small mercy, reasonably certain that it would have been the final straw for Natsu if they’d burst in him when he was falling apart. Even now they all knew the truth she doubted that he was going to stop trying to hide things from them, and she knew that he would want them to think that he was holding it together, no matter how close he was to shattering. _Idiot, always trying to protect everyone…_ She desperately wanted to protect him, and yet she didn’t even know where to begin, especially when she knew that half the danger was himself at the moment.

   The sound of the door opening drew her out of her thoughts, and she immediately leaned protectively over Natsu, only to relax as she realised that it was Happy who was slipping inside. The Exceed looked calmer than she had been expecting, although there was no missing the worry in his eyes as his gaze settled on the Dragon-slayer curled up asleep in her lap.

“How did it go?”

“Not as bad as I was expecting, although I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet,” Happy replied quietly as he closed the door and turned back to look at her. “They’ve agreed to wait until tomorrow to see him, and Master is going to talk to the rest of the guild at the moment,” he added as he moved across to join them, scrambling up onto the end of his bed, his expression darkening as he took in the strained expression on his partner’s face. “Is he okay?”

“Not really,” Mira admitted with a sigh. “This isn’t how he wanted everyone to find out, and he feels like all his choices are being taken from him.” _And who can blame him?_ She wasn’t even sure that he would be able to cope with seeing the others in the morning, although she had a feeling that he wouldn’t let that stop him, even if it tore him apart on the inside.

****

   Makarov sighed as he hesitated at the top of the stairs, listening to the subdued chatter coming from the guildhall below. Erza and the others had already left, although he’d had reservations about letting them go even after they’d agreed to wait before visiting Natsu. Because while they had seemed reasonably calm in his office, he doubted very much that was going to last, and he worried what they might do when the first bit of shock passed. Still, he hadn’t really been in a position to stop them, especially as he still had to face the rest of the guild. Feeling every bit of his age for once he headed down the stairs, knowing that putting it off was only going to make it harder for all involved. _Natsu, I’m sorry that it came to this,_ he thought glancing down the corridor towards the infirmary. He’d sent Happy off to be with his partner, and he doubted that it would be possible to get Mira to move from his side for some time, but it didn’t change the fact that he wanted to check on Natsu for himself.

   Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to head down the stairs, not looking forward to breaking the news yet again. Although he doubted anything they did could compare to the pain, Natsu had shown when they’d told him what was happening. _Natsu…_ As soon as he reached the bottom step silence began to fall as they realised he’d appeared, and he waited patiently until the whole hall was silent, many of them moving closer and he could see the anticipation in their expressions as they waited for him to say something. B _elieve me, you don’t want to hear this news_ , he thought as he looked around, and bow he could begin to understand Natsu’s desire to keep it secret. As he knew that there was no way his children and therefore the guild was going to be able to remain the same as it was at the moment, and he feared what that change could bring.

“I have something to say to you all,” he said softly, knowing that for once there would be no need for him to raise his voice above his noisy children, and you could have heard a pin drop as the tension in the air increased tenfold. “I would prefer it if you would allow me to finish what I need to say before you ask me any questions.” He let his gaze rove over them all, waiting until he saw agreement from all of them before nodding in approval as he tried to gather his thoughts. “I’m sure you’ve all realised that there is more to Natsu’s condition that what I told you originally.”

“No kidding,” Gajeel muttered under his breath, subsiding when Makarov shot him an irritated look, reinforced by Levy nudging him sharply in the side.

“For some reason, Natsu’s body has been retaining all the magic that he has consumed in the past, instead of burning through it. Unfortunately, it has reached a stage where his magic has begun to fight against those foreign magics,” Makarov felt a familiar numbness creeping over him as he spoke, realising with a dull jolt that he was nowhere near accepting the situation himself, and he had to pause for a moment to steady himself. _How can I ask them to understand, when I don’t understand myself?_ It was only the thought that at least he was sparing Natsu from having to go through this that allowed him to continue, although his voice was no longer as steady as it had been before. “What you witnessed earlier was a result of that fight. At…” He hesitated for a moment, glancing around and seeing the growing worry in their faces and he wondered just what his expression was showing. “At the moment we have no way of combating what is happening with his magic, and with time his body will no longer be able to cope with the magic that is fighting for control. If…If we don’t find something to use against it soon, then I’m afraid that eventually, his body will give out completely.” _How can I state it so rationally, when it feels like I’m about to come apart inside?_

   For a moment there was silence as what he was saying began to settle in, and he closed his eyes as he could see the realisation dawning on their faces, and the fear and grief that followed. He had never wanted to see those kinds of expressions again. It had been bad enough when they had first lost Lisanna, but that gap had eventually been filled by her return. This time, there would be no miracle return. If they didn’t find a way to help Natsu, then they were going to lose him, with no way of bringing him back. No way of filling the hole his loss would leave behind. _Natsu, do you even realise how much you mean to everyone here?_

“You’re kidding…right?”

“This is not something I would joke about,” Makarov pointed out bluntly, unsure of who had cried out, but knowing that he needed to nip that thought in the bud. The last thing Natsu needed was to be dealing with other people’s denial when he was barely managing to accept the situation himself.

“Why didn’t you tell us the truth straight away?” Macao asked grimly, his eyes blazing as he stared down at the older man, although the arm he had wrapped around a tearful Romeo was gentle as he tugged his son closer to his side. “Would you have even told us if that outburst hadn’t happened?” For the first time, he found himself unable to understand Makarov’s actions, and his mouth tightened as his eyes drifted over to the scorched patch on the floor. _Natsu, why did you try to keep this from us? We’re your family, aren’t we? Isn’t this when you need your family most?_

“Because Natsu asked me not to, and no, if he hadn’t had the outburst in front of you all, then I would have continued to keep his secret.” There was an angry outburst at his words, and he let it continue for several minutes, knowing that they needed some kind of outlet, but eventually he raised his hand to silence them. “It was one of the few things Natsu still had control over, even if I didn’t agree with his decision, I couldn’t take that away from him.”

   That silenced them, and he could see it dawning on them just what the situation meant for the Dragon-slayer, many of them deflating, although he could see the lingering hurt from the thought that Natsu had actually chosen to hide it from them.

“You said that this is because of his magic?” Gajeel was the next to speak, sounding more serious than they’d heard him before, and they all caught the way his eyes flickered up towards the infirmary for a moment before he shifted his attention back to Makarov. “Is this something that Wendy and I need to worry about as well?” He doubted it was because no matter how much the old man might respect Natsu’s wishes, there was no way he would endanger their lives, and besides neither of them had eaten as much foreign magic as Salamander had. _Idiot, this is what you get for pushing yourself too far all the time…_

“Not that we’re aware of,” Makarov replied at once, eyes narrowing as he caught the lack of surprise in Gajeel’s expression. Still, he felt compelled to continue, even as he studied the Dragonslayer. “From what Porlyusica has been able to determine, it is a problem unique to Natsu. However, once she returns from her research trip, we can have her check you both it will make you feel better.” _Perhaps I should convince Laxus to get checked as well_ , he mused, although he doubted very much that the problem would apply to artificial Dragon-slayers, still it couldn’t hurt to be cautious after what was happening with Natsu.

“Can we go and see him?” Cana asked softly breaking into his thoughts, and when he glanced across at her, he could see the tears shining in her eyes. Apparently, even her worse suspicions about what he’d been hiding from them hadn’t come close to the truth, and he sighed before shaking his head, realising that after what they had witnessed earlier they probably all wanted to see him to reassure himself that he was still with them.

“Not at the moment.”

“But…

“He’s currently recovering from today’s outburst. Unfortunately, he can’t be treated with magic due to his condition, so he has to recover naturally which means lots of rest,” Makarov explained gently, seeing the disappointment and worry in not only her face but the faces of the those around her. “He might be ready for visitors’ tomorrow. However, it will depend on how he feels so, please be patient.” It was also going to depend on how his teammates reacted when they got to see him, no matter how they had acted in his office, he couldn’t see that meeting going well at least to start with.

“Master…” Levy spoke up hesitantly, glancing briefly up at Gajeel with worried eyes. She had felt how tense he’d been ever since they’d worked out what Makarov was saying, and she gently squeezed his hand, realising that he was far more upset by the news than he was letting on. “Is there anything we can do to help?” After everything they had managed to survive, there was no way she was going to accept that they were going to lose Natsu without a fight.

“We need some help with research,” Makarov admitted as he turned to her, managing a weak smile for the first time since Natsu’s outburst, grateful that at least one of them was thinking of the future. “And I will be recalling the Raijinshuu as I am hoping that we can use Freed’s magic to contain his outbursts, so we might need your help there.” He had thought that there would be some relief when he was finally able to ask for the help that they needed at the start, however, instead, all he felt was regret and a bone-deep weariness which he was doing his utmost to conceal from his brats. They had enough to worry about without needing any cause to worry about an old fool like him.

“Of course.”

“What about Lucy and the others?” Cana asked with a frown, realising that the other four hadn’t returned with him, and she couldn’t stop the hint of jealousy that slipped into her voice as she asked. “Are they with him now?” She that they had more right than any of them to be by the Dragon-slayer’s side, but she wanted to see for herself how he was doing. While she might not be as close to him as they were, he was still someone she had grown up with, someone that she couldn’t imagine Fairy Tail without, and she clenched her fists at her side. _It isn’t fair, why is this happening to him?_

“No,” Makarov shook his head again, noting her clenched fists but knowing better than to comment on her behaviour, especially when she forcefully relaxed them before reaching for a previously abandoned drink. “Natsu was in no state to deal with them tonight, so they’ve gone home for the evening.”

“Are you sure that’s wise?” Macao asked with a frown, knowing that there was no way they could have handled this news well, and worried about what they might do if they were left to their own devices _. They’re still children, they’re not equipped to deal with this. Then_ again, neither were they he had to admit as he glanced across at Wakaba who’d long since slumped back in his seat, looking completely defeated, and he felt his own throat threatening to close as he forced himself to continue. “It’s hard enough on the rest of us, but those four are closer to him than anyone apart from Happy…” _And maybe Mira,_ he added privately, realising that she must’ve found out what was happening somehow, the way she had been fussing over Natsu for the past week or so now making more sense, and it hadn’t escaped his notice that she hadn’t come down yet.

“No, but I couldn’t exactly stop them,” Makarov replied quietly, wincing as he imagined just how much damage they might have caused if he’d tried that.

“Master…”

“They need time to absorb this,” Makarov cut over the protest. “And keeping them prisoner in my office wasn’t going to help with that. I’m worried about them as well, but I want to trust that they can work through this.” _I have to trust that they can work through this, for Natsu’s sake_ …Macao sighed but nodded, not happy with the thought of the teens trying to deal with this themselves, but able to see the logic in Makarov’s words.

“What about Natsu-nii?” Romeo spoke up quietly, finally pulling back from his father’s side to peer at Makarov with red-rimmed eyes and tears still drying on his cheeks. “H-How is he handling this?” It had been easy to see the difference in the Dragon-slayer over the past few weeks, and for the first time, he had found himself not knowing how to approach the older fire mage. In a way, it was a relief to know that it wasn’t something he’d done, but this… _Natsu-nii can’t die. He can’t leave us again_. It had been Natsu that he’d missed the most during the seven years they were trapped on Tenroujima, and he had naively believed that was the last time he could feel that pain.

“I’m not sure,” Makarov admitted softly, sighing as he glanced up towards the second floor. “You’re not the only ones he hides things from. Although maybe now everyone knows he might open up a bit more.”

“I doubt it,” Macao muttered with a sigh, biting his lip as Romeo turned wide, worried eyes towards himself, before trying to explain what he meant. “Natsu’s always worries about the rest of us, but then does everything in his power to make sure we don’t worry about him, and I can’t see that changing even now.”

“That’s true…”

“He’s an idiot,” Romeo muttered under his breath, reaching up to scrub away his tears before turning determined eyes towards them. “Then we just have to make sure he can’t hide anything from us!” He declared, determined to stick to Natsu’s heels if that was what it was going to take. _Natsu-nii you brought my dad back. You’ve protected us. You’ve protected me…it’s our turn to return the favour._ Makarov couldn’t help but smile at the boy, easily able to see and hear Natsu’s influence in his behaviour, and he nodded gravely in agreement.

“Agreed.”

**

   Makarov had stayed for another half an hour, answering whatever questions he could, and reinforcing the fact that it was imperative that Natsu not be goaded into fighting with his magic… noting that Gajeel had looked particularly guilty at that point and making a note to speak to him the next day, refusing to allow anything else to fester in the guild. Of course, that reminder had introduced a fresh pall to the atmosphere, as this time it had come with the realisation that it wasn’t just a short-time ban from using magic as they’d thought before, but probably a permanent one, unless an answer was found. In the silence that had followed, it had been Lisanna who had finally found her voice, at last, asking the one question that Makarov had really hoped that he wouldn’t have to answer. _’How long does he have?’_ There had been no way to soften the blow, and more than one person had tears in their eyes when he’d finally managed to force out the answer…

   However, a few minutes later they had reminded him just why they were his brats, as they had managed to gather themselves and he had found himself inundated with offers to help and he had realised that it wasn’t they were denying his words, rather that they had decided as a family to fight until the end. It was a sight that he wanted Natsu to see, hoping that it would rekindle the Fire mage’s hope as well, and while he regretted the manner in which the secret had been revealed, he couldn’t stop the hope that was beginning to blossom that maybe they could do something. Eventually, he had excused himself, promising to let them know when Natsu was ready for visitors, and as he had headed for the stairs, he had heard them continuing to discuss what they could do to help Natsu, even though the chatter was more subdued than usual indicating that the news was still sinking in.

   Wearily he made his way up the stairs, determined to check on Natsu and the others before heading to bed, well aware that there would be more to deal with tomorrow, and hoping that he wasn’t going to regret letting Natsu’s teammates take off on their own. Reaching the infirmary, he quietly opened the door and slipped inside, not wanting to risk waking the Dragon-slayer if he was asleep and he’d found himself coming up short at the sight that had met his eyes, a sad smile tugging at his lips.

   Natsu was curled up on the bed, the light from the bedside table showing that he still looked paler than usual and there was an unhappy frown on his face even in sleep. Mira had clearly fallen asleep holding onto him and had wound up wrapped awkwardly around him, both arms wrapped around his waist and her face buried against his shoulder, and from where he was standing he could just make out where Happy had managed to curl up beside the Fire Mage. Shaking his head as he realised they’d all managed to fall asleep on top of the covers, he quietly moved across to them, grabbing the covers off one of the other beds as he passed. Reaching the bed, he hesitated for a moment before draping the blankets over them, unable to resist the urge to reach and gently brush his fingers over Natsu’s cheek, wishing that he could do something to erase that frown.

“They’re all ready to fight for you Natsu,” he murmured softly, frowning as he realised that even now he could feel the teen’s magic shifting uneasily and he closed his eyes as he willed it back to stillness, knowing that there was no way that Natsu could handle another outburst so soon. “So please don’t give up.”

**

“So that’s what he meant…” Lisanna whispered softly as she watched Makarov disappear up the stairs, wishing that she had never thought to ask how long Natsu had. Even after hearing what was really going on with the Dragon-slayer she had foolishly thought they would have a lot more than time, and she hadn’t been able to understand what Natsu had said to her the other. _But less than a year if we’re lucky?_ She was no longer sure that she could keep the promises she had made both to him and to herself, how could she look at him the same now that she knew that he could disappear so soon?

“Lisanna?” Elfman asked.

“I asked him why he couldn’t tell me what was going on,” she replied softly, paling as she realised that some of the others were listening in and she had to look down as she continued. “He said that he was scared of everything changing, and I thought he was overdramatic.” _I blithely promised that nothing would change without knowing anything. I thought that the fact that we would always be friends, and that he would always be a member of Fairy Tail would be enough, but…_

“I think I’d probably be the same if I were in the Salamander’s place,” Gajeel said after a moment, his crimson eyes narrowed as he glanced down at his hands, trying to imagine what it must feel like to have your own magic rebel against you. His earlier guilt had intensified now that he knew just how much damage he had caused by pushing Natsu too far, and he knew that he would have to apologise the other Dragon-slayer as soon as he got a chance. “Can any of us say that we’re going to be able to treat him exactly the same now that we know what’s going on?” How the hell are we supposed to act around him now? _He’s always been there, loud and obnoxious, but there…how do we react to the fact that we might lose that? That we might lose him?_

“We have to try,” Cana replied softly, her hand tightening around her drink as she stared into it with dark eyes for a moment before lifting her head to look round at them. “We’ve all seen how much he’s changed already. I don’t want to be the reason he pulls away even more.”

“I think he wants to pretend everything is normal for as long as possible,” Lisanna added softly, unable to stop her eyes moving to the scorched spot. _Natsu, that’s what you were hiding?_ It hadn’t fully registered, yet she realised, and she bit her lip as her eyes began to sting, and when she managed to continue, she couldn’t quite keep the waver out of her voice. “Even if we can’t find a way to f-fix this, I think we have to give him that.”

_We have to fix this…_

****

  Gray had intended to just head home after separating from the others after agreeing to meet the others early the next morning, wanting some time alone to try and get his head around everything, and yet as he turned onto his street, he found himself hesitating. He didn’t want to be left alone with these thoughts. He wasn’t ready to accept them or to accept what Gramps had told them, and he knew that if he spent the night thinking about it, then he would be forced to actually let them sink in properly. He knew that it was a cowardly approach, but he couldn’t stop himself from turning back and heading in the opposite direction, desperately trying to fill his mind with anything and everything that had nothing to do with what was happening with Natsu.

   In the end, he found himself slipping into a small bar that he had used to visit a lot with Loke, usually when a date or job had gone awry, and he just wanted to forget everything for a while. In all honesty, it was a bit of a dive, but the drinks were cheap, and there were a lot of booths around the edge where he would be able to hide out of sight. Ignoring the small voice at the back of his mind that pointed out that he was going to regret this in the morning, he asked for a bottle of beer before retreating to the furthest corner, completely ignoring the barmaid’s attempts at flirting. He wasn’t here to enjoy himself, he just wanted to forget. To pretend for a little while longer than nothing had changed, and that he wasn’t at risk of losing one of his best friends.

   Of course, the moment he’d sat down his thoughts had started whirling once more, and with an angry growl, he downed his beer in one go, barely tasting it. _Natsu...No_. Shaking his head, he flagged down the barmaid, this time asking for the strongest drink they had, determined to empty his thoughts one way or another. There must have been something in his expression, because when she returned it was with a large bottle of fire whiskey. He almost snarled again at the sight of Natsu’s favourite drink, but he managed to swallow it down, instead nodding his thanks even as he filled his glass once more and tossing it back, grimacing as it burned all the way down. By the time she’d moved onto the next table he was moving onto his second glass, the burn a welcome distraction from the pain, and he closed his eyes as he downed this one as well.

_I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to accept that Natsu…that Natsu…_

**

   Wendy had retreated back to Fairy Hills after splitting from the others, Carla trailing after her with a worried expression, well aware of just how close the Dragon-slayers had been from the moment Wendy had joined Fairy Tail. She was impressed that Wendy had mainly managed to hold it together when they were in Makarov’s office, but she somehow doubted that composure was going to last for much longer, and part of her wished that Lucy or Erza could have stayed with them. However, Erza had stormed off the moment they had arranged to meet the next morning, and it had been clear that Lucy had needed some time to herself as well.

   As soon as they made it back to the safety of their room, Wendy had flung herself on the bed, hiding her face against the pillow. However, Carla could tell that she hadn’t yet given in to the urge to breakdown completely, because the girl had never really mastered the art of crying silently and she had to bite back a sigh. As much as she often complained about how much of a cry-baby the youngest Dragon-slayer could be, she knew that holding it in this time wasn’t going to help anyone, least of all Wendy and with a sigh she settled on the bed beside her partner. Hesitating for the briefest moment before reaching out to brush a paw across the shoulder closest to her.

“Wendy…Talk to me,” she ordered softly, knowing that if she didn’t try and get her to open up now, then the idiot would try and handle everything herself, and this wasn’t something she could deal with on her own.

   For a moment she thought that Wendy hadn’t heard and she was about to nudge her when Wendy slowly sat up and turned to look at her, and the Exceed almost wished she hadn’t as she had never seen so much pain in the teary, brown eyes that met her gaze. Before she could say anything else, Wendy had flung herself forward, wrapping her arms tightly around her. “I can’t lose him as well…” Wendy whispered as she buried her face against Carla, the tears that she had desperately been fighting to hold back slipping free. The Exceed didn’t say anything, after all, what could she say in the current situation? There was nothing that could make this situation better, especially when Wendy had already lost so much in the past, so instead, she settled for tightening her hold on the girl as she began to sob in earnest.

_Wendy…_

**

   Lucy had fallen to pieces the moment she’d made it back to the safety of her apartment, the fact that there was no idiotically grinning Fire mage hiding in her bed a stark reminder of what was happening, and she’d found herself crumpling into a heap onto the floor beside the bed. _Natsu, this can’t be happening! Why? Why is always you?_ She had lost count of the number of times he had wound up in ridiculously dangerous situations, but she had always had the comfort of knowing that he would find a way to blast his way through every obstacle in his path, but she couldn’t summon that belief up this time. If Makarov was right, this wasn’t something that he could simply endure no matter how strong he was, and worse was the fact that she knew Natsu himself was faltering. It was there in the way he was pulling away from them and the shadows in his eyes, and she knew that it wasn’t merely fear. _He’s losing hope…_

   Sniffling she buried her head against her knees as tears trickled down her cheeks, and no matter how often she tried to wipe them away they were quickly replaced, and after a couple of minutes she gave up and just let them fall. After all, she couldn’t allow them to fall once she’d been to see him. The last thing he needed was her tears to add to his own if he’d even allowed himself to cry at all, her hands tightened into fists. _How much else had he been hiding? How much was he still hiding, from not only them but from himself?_ She hadn’t been able to bring herself to ask their Master how the Fire mage had been coping, partly because she was afraid of what he might say, and partly out of anger that her best friend had chosen to hide something so serious from them, but now she regretted staying silent. The only comfort she had was that at least Happy and Mira knew what was happening, although she still didn’t know what to think about the latter finding out before the rest of them, even if it had been an accident.

_If we don’t find a cure soon, we’re going to lose him. This is going to kill him._ Makarov’s words echoed in her mind, and she choked on a sob as huddled in on herself. _Natsu, I can’t lose you_. He had always been there for her, from the moment he had held out the hand to bring her to Fairy Tail, the thought of having to face a Fairy Tail without him broke her heart, and she couldn’t hold back the wail that welled up in her throat. _Natsu_...She jolted a moment later when suddenly arms were wrapping around her, and a warm body pressing against hers, and she knew even before she managed to lift her head who it would be.

“Princess,” Virgo’s eyes were full of worry as she met Lucy’s gaze, and the Celestial mage felt fresh tears slipping free as she flung herself forwards with an inarticulate cry, burying her face against her Spirit’s shoulder. “Shh, I’ve got you so let it all out,” the Spirit murmured as she began to rub Lucy’s back, uncomplaining as Lucy’s tears soaked into the material of her, and the blonde nodded slightly as she gave into the offered comfort.

_I’ll cry tonight, so tomorrow I can be the one that holds out my hand with a smile. Wait for me Natsu…_

**

  Erza was breathing heavily by the time she came to a halt. After splitting from the others, she had been overcome by a need to just get away from everything and everyone, not trusting herself not to give in to the urge to try and see Natsu if she stayed near the Guildhall. As much as she hated to admit it, she knew that Makarov had been right to stop them from going to see the Dragon-slayer straight away. Her own emotions kept flipping between fury that he had hidden something so important from them, to fear and grief at the thought of losing him, and she didn’t trust herself not to say something hurtful when she was like this. Their recent argument fresh on her mind, and she doubted that her teammates were much better off, although she hadn’t really been able to pay attention to their responses.

   Panting she straightened and glanced around, unsure of how far she had managed to go as her only thought had been to get away, and she found herself blinking as she turned around and found herself facing a familiar sign. Fresh grief lanced through her as she stared at the sign proudly declaring that this was ‘Natsu and Happy’s house’, before her gaze shifted to the somewhat dilapidated cottage beyond it, managing a weak smile as she realised that the moonlight made it look slightly eerie. She had never really understood why Natsu had fallen in love with the place, or why he had chosen to live out of town considering he loved spending so much time with them. _Well before all this started_ , she added bitterly, her smile fading somewhat, and she was about to turn back and head for the town when something halted her steps.

   Hesitating for a moment, she let out a sigh and instead moved forward, carefully following the path to the door, unable to remember the last time she had actually been out here. It had somehow been decided that Lucy’s was the place where they hung out, but even before the Celestial mage had joined them, it had been a couple of years since she had been out here. Stubbornly shoving aside, the thought that she might not have many more opportunities to visit she reached for the handle, unsurprised when the door swung open easily, as she had heard Happy haranguing his partner about forgetting to lock the door on more than one occasion.

“Sorry for the intrusion,” she muttered as she stepped inside, fumbling for the light switch that she vaguely recalled being on the left-hand side. Finally, she managed to find it, bathing the living room in light and she carefully closed the door behind her before looking around, once again amazed that Natsu actually managed to be relatively tidy at home, remembering just how offended he’d been the first time she’d visited and commented on that fact. Her amusement at that memory disappeared as her gaze landed on the scorch marks in various places on the walls and floors, they looked recent, and she knew for a fact that they hadn’t been there the last time she had visited. _Natsu…_

  Somehow it was worse to see the damage here than it had been to see what had happened in the guild, although she couldn’t shake off the terror that had filled her when she’d heard him crying out in pain. Swallowing she moved across to one of the scorch marks, crouching down and pressing her hand against it, closing her eyes as she imagined Natsu going through an outburst like that on his own, or with only Happy there to help. _We should have been by your side from the moment you realised something was wrong, so why? Why didn’t you tell us?_ Feeling fresh dampness on her cheeks she opened her eyes, reaching up with shaking hands as she realised that she was finally crying, her anger dissipating entirely in the face of this fresh evidence of what he’d been enduring.

_Idiot, you can’t fight this on your own._


	16. Chapter 16

 

_He was back in the centre of the guildhall once more, only this time there appeared to be no end to the flames that were spreading around him, and there were tears on his cheeks as he realised that his home was burning down around him. No, because of him. He’d long since been forced to his knees by the pain lancing through his body, but even as his vision began to blur he desperately fought to rein in the flames, needing to at least save some part of his home. Stop, please stop…. And yet nothing he did seemed to cause even a slight flicker in the surrounding flames, and slowly he felt his eyes beginning to slip shut as defeat settled over him._

_“NATSU!"_

_“No!” His eyes flew open as the familiar voice registered, horror flooding him as he caught sight of Mira trying to fight her way through to him, and guilt surged to the front as he caught her crying out in pain as his magic lashed against her. “Mira! Get away from me!”_

_“I won’t!” Her voice was strained, and he could see that she was struggling not to cry out in pain as she pressed onwards, her gaze never shifting from his as she added firmly. “I promised I would stay by your side.” She was smiling at him even as he felt his magic twist even further out of his control, and he could do nothing but watch as the inferno around them leapt forward, her scream echoing through his ears as the flames finally engulfed her as well._

“Mira!”

   Natsu jerked awake with her name on his lips, his chest heaving as he glanced around wildly, feeling the dampness of tears on his cheeks. He barely had a chance to register the fact that he was still in the infirmary, and that there was no sign of his flames before he was suddenly engulfed by warm arms. His eyes widening as he realised that it was Mira that was hugging him and he immediately fought to get free, the images from his nightmare still too close.

“Natsu?” Mira had pulled back the moment she felt him beginning to struggle, not wanting to risk catching his injuries, even though it went against her instincts to let him go at the moment. She had woken the moment he’d begun to shift around in the grips of a nightmare, trying desperately to ease him out it without waking him, and he had nearly scared her to death when he’d woken screaming out her name. She shared a worried look with Happy who’d also been disturbed by the noise, the Exceed immediately moving to the end of the bed so that he wasn’t in the way, before shifting her attention back to the Fire mage who was staring at her wide-eyed. “Natsu what’s wrong?”

“Stay away from me…”

“What? Why?” She demanded, refusing to let the hurt his words had caused seep through, wondering what on earth he could have been dreaming about to come out with something like that. “I’ve already told you, I’m not going anywhere!”

“But…I’ll hurt you,” Natsu whispered, shivering as the thought of how close he had come to hurting her, to hurting all his friends the previous day. _What was I thinking? I should never have agreed to work here it’s too dangerous.I’m too dangerous._  He bowed his head not wanting Mira to be able to read him like she usually did, missing the way that her gaze had flickered ever so briefly to her arm. _I shouldn't even be here now, what if I have another outburst?_ Fear clawed at him at that thought registered, and he hastily flung the covers off, consumed by the need to get away from them before something else happened. However, he had barely swung his legs over the side, his head throbbing in protest at the abrupt movement when Mira managed to shake off her shock, immediately reaching and grabbing his shoulders in a surprisingly firm grip.

"Natsu stop!" She ordered, not sure how she managed to keep the panic out of her voice as he tried to wiggle free of her grip. The fact that she was managing to hold in place was telling her far more than he probably intended to, and so she held back the frantic words waiting to pour out, and instead focused on holding on and waiting for him to realise that she wasn't going to let go. _Natsu, you're not going to push me away. Not now..._ Despite his weakened state, it took a good ten minutes for him to wear himself out, and she knew that she was lucky that he hadn't lost control as she felt the now familiar sensation of his magic beginning to stir. Eventually, though he slumped against her in defeat, a tiny whimper the only indication of how much his struggles had aggravated his injuries. " Look at me," she pleaded after a couple more minutes had passed with the Dragon-slayer still refusing to look at her, apparently he couldn’t resist that tone and he slowly lifted his head to meet her gaze, and it took her a moment to find her voice as she took in the emotions swimming in his eyes. "It was just a nightmare."

"This time," He whispered, voice cracking slightly in the middle and she could tell that he was struggling not to look away again. " I could've hurt you earlier! I've already hurt Happy and Lucy., .and it's just going to get worse." _I’m already causing this much damage, posing this much of a threat to them. What will I be like when it gets really bad?_ It was yet another thing that was changing for him, because before he had never really given much thought to the destruction, he often left his wake, confident that he would never go far enough to hurt people or truly destroy his guild. But now that thought, or rather that fear was gripping him tightly, and he clenched his hands. _I’m dangerous._

"So?" The quiet question broke into his whirling thoughts, and he froze, staring wide-eyed at Mira, unable to understand the calm expression on her face or the complete and utter lack of fear. _Didn’t she realise how dangerous he was?_ It was only pure luck that had kept her safe during the day, and that luck might run out at any point, and he couldn’t keep the confusion out of his voice as he echoed her question.

"So?"

"We're Mages," Mira pointed out, keeping one arm curled around his shoulders to support him, feeling Happy’s on them but not daring to pull her gaze away from Natsu’s. " Every time we go out on a job we risk getting hurt or worse." She choked up slightly at those words, and this time she struggled not to look away. _We’ve already experienced the worst, with what happened with Lisanna, and now what’s happening to you._ Taking a shuddering breath, she turned her attention back to Natsu, knowing that if she lost herself in her thoughts now, then he would take it as an opportunity to try and push her away, and she refused to let that happen. “We’ve all been through hell and back, and we’re all still here. There’s nothing you could do that could be any worse than that!”

“But…”

“Natsu,” she cut across him gently, struggling not to sigh as she realised that the fear and guilt swirling in his eyes hadn’t receded in the slightest. Biting her lip, she hesitated for a moment before reaching out to grasp his hand, her fingers tightening as she felt the magic shifting uneasily just under the skin. “These outbursts aren’t your fault, and we all know that if anything does happen then, it will be an accident. No one in this guild would ever blame you for that.”

“I would…” Natsu whispered, but he made no move to pull away from her and Mira took that as an encouraging sign, squeezing his fingers before choosing a different track with her argument.

“You’re forgetting something else.”

“What?”

“Now that everyone knows we have more people that can help us with research,” She pointed out cautiously, well aware that it was still a sensitive topic and sure enough a shadow passed across his face for a moment, and she hastily continued before he could get hooked up on that thought. “And we’re going to be able to talk to Freed and Levy about barriers to contain your outbursts, and you and I both know that if there’s a way they’ll find it!”

“What if they don’t?”

“Then you’re surrounded by a guild full of people that knows what’s happening and are fully capable of protecting themselves,” Mira replied sternly, certain that no one else would be daft enough to charge into the middle of an outburst after seeing what had happened to her. “Natsu,  believe me on this, no matter how bad your outbursts get. No matter what your magic does. We’re not going to go anywhere!”

   Natsu blinked at the sheer force behind her words, unable to find the slightest hint of uncertainty in her voice or the bright blue eyes that never shifted in the slightest from his. _Mira…_ He desperately wanted to believe her, tired of trying to deal with things of his own, even if he wasn’t happy about everyone knowing, but, he knew that she had already lied about one thing. He hadn’t noticed it beforehand as he’d been caught up in everything that was happening and the pain of his own injuries, it was only now that her arms were around him that he caught the faint, but lingering smell of scorched flesh. There was no sign of an injury, and she was moving easily enough to reassure him that whatever it had been, had already been dealt with, but he already knew that he was the source. He had hurt someone else...

He had hurt her.

   He didn’t dare call her on it though, terrified that if he did it would push his already tentative control over the edge once more. Besides she wasn’t the only one keeping secrets, and she at least had a good reason; as he was honest enough with himself at least, to admit that he would probably have gone completely to pieces if she had actually admitted aloud that he’d hurt. However, he’d kept silent out of fear and stubbornness. Nervously he bit his lip as he glanced between her and Happy, seeing the same determination reflected in his partner’s face. _I have to tell them, then if they still want to stay maybe, I’ll actually be able to believe it._ He opened his mouth, but his voice was refusing to work as he realised that they were both watching him intently, and for a brief moment he contemplated not going through with it, but in the end, it was the sheer faith in Mira’s gaze that let him find the words.

“There’s something I didn’t tell you…”

“What is it?” Happy asked as he finally moved closer, sharing a startled glance with Mira. They had both known that something else had happened the last time he’d seen Porlyusica, but they had been reluctant to push him too far, and he’d made no effort to broach the subject himself. For him to bring up now was surprising and worrying.

“I…” Natsu swallowed nervously and glanced down at his hands, feeling them both moving so that he was framed by them, the solid weight of their presence lending him courage even though he wasn’t sure how they were going to react to this latest development. “I… My own magic had faded a lot more and a lot faster than it should have. It’s why I wasn’t ready for the outburst earlier; I didn’t think my magic was strong enough for there to be more outbursts…” _I was an idiot_ , he added silently, finally lifting his head as felt Mira’s fingers tightening around the hand that she was still clinging to.

“There’s more isn’t there?” She prompted gently, her expression giving nothing away as she held his gaze and after a moment he gave a small nod. “Tell us.”

“She doesn’t think I’ll last a year anymore…” The grip on his hand was nearly excruciating when he trailed off, and his own eyes were stinging as he saw her calm mask shattering. Desperately trying not to fall apart on her again he squeezed his eyes shut, the pain that Porlyusica’s words had caused hitting him anew. He’d spent the time since then trying to keep that knowledge as far from his mind as possible, and now it was wrapping its way around him. “I’m sorry…” He whispered.

“Don’t apologise!” Mira ordered although the effect was somewhat ruined by the waver in her voice. Still, it was enough to make Natsu open his eyes once more to stare at her. “Did she say how l-long?”

“She doesn’t know…”

    Mira was torn between wanting to hit him for keeping this to himself, especially as both she and Happy had already known what was going on and wanting to cry. She’s hoped that now they had more people to help with finding a cure that they had turned the odds in their favour, trusting that with that added help they would be able to help Natsu. _Maybe that’s why he stayed quiet? He knew that we were still hoping that we would be able to find a way to stop this…so why did he tell us now?_ Sniffling she turned her attention back to the Dragon-slayer, catching the wariness beneath the tears swimming in his eyes as he glanced between them and her eyes widened as comprehension dawned. _Idiot…_

“Idiot…” Happy beat her to it, his eyes flashing in a way that they rarely did as he glared up at Natsu, causing the Fire mage to rear back slightly. The Exceed rising until he was stood on the bed, fur on end and his fists clenched at his sides, although the image was ruined by the wet trails on his cheeks where he hadn’t been able to hold back his tears. “This doesn’t change anything! Everything Mira said earlier doesn’t just disappear because of this! Even the fact that you’re still hiding things won’t make us leave you.”

“Happy…”

“He’s right,” Mira finally managed to find her voice, startled by the fact that Happy had raised his voice against Natsu. “You’re an idiot, not just for thinking this would change things, but for trying to hide it in the first place!” This time she couldn’t resist the urge to hit him, although the blow was tempered as she didn’t want to aggravate his wounds, although her irritation faded slightly when he just sat there and took the blow and hung his head.

   Natsu hung his head in shame, hearing the hurt beneath the anger and concern, and his eyes stung fiercely, and he made no effort to defend himself. Even he knew he’d been an idiot, and yet, there was a fresh spark of hope glimmering in his chest as Happy’s words, and the fact that Mira hadn’t said anything to contradict him. Even now they were willing to stand by him, regardless of the risk. The images from his nightmare were still close to the surface, but the urge to retreat and hide away had receded a little.

   He was caught by surprise a moment later when they both grabbed him in a fierce hug, but he made no move to escape, instead allowing his head fall down to rest against Mira’s shoulders as he finally let his tears fall, murmuring soft apologies as he did so.

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”

“Shh,” Mira hushed him gently, reaching up to brush her fingers through his hair, aware that the fact that he wasn’t pulling away and actually allowing them to see this side of him, meant that for now at least he was willing to trust their words. “Just don’t keep something like this from us again.”

“’Kay,” Natsu pulled back just enough to meet her eyes, and she managed a weak smile as she could tell that he meant it, at least for now. Deciding to leave it at that for now, she pulled him back against her side, feeling him beginning to slump as his exhaustion caught up with him once more. Carefully she guided them both down until they were lying curled comfortably in the middle of the bed, Happy immediately readjusting his position so that he was curled up, pressed close to the Dragon-slayer’s side. It didn’t take long for Natsu to drift off once more, and Happy followed soon after once he was sure that the Dragon-slayer was resting peacefully. However, Mira found herself unable to relax enough to join them in sleep. Instead, she clung to Natsu, listening to his soft breathing even as his earlier words echoed in her mind. _‘She doesn’t think I’ll last a year anymore…’_ There were fresh tears on her cheeks as she turned her head just enough to study his face, even now he looked strained and unhappy, and she wanted desperately to be able to erase that expression.

_We need more time…_

****

The next morning:

   They had barely finished breakfast, or rather Mira and Happy had, while all Natsu had managed to do was turn his food into an unappetising mess that he was now poking at with disinterest when Makarov appeared in the doorway. After ascertaining that the Dragon-slayer was as well as he could be given the situation he had informed that Lucy and the others were waiting outside, hoping that he was ready to talk, although he immediately made it clear that the choice lay entirely with Natsu. Not that it really offered the Dragon-slayer any comfort, as he still had no idea what he was going to say to his teammates, now or in the future if he chose to wait, and he couldn’t see that changing even if he did manage to put it off for a while.

“How did they take it?” Natsu forced himself to ask, hiding his hands under the covers so that they couldn’t see how much he was trembling. It had taken him a long time to get back to sleep after his nightmare and their conversation about what was going on with his own magic. And he’d spent most of that time imaging how the rest of his team and the guild had reacted to what was happening to him and the fact that he had lied to everyone _._ _It’s all going to change, no matter what Lisanna said, it’s all going to change._

“Not as bad as I expected,” Makarov replied softly, well aware of what the teen was trying to hide, sharing a brief look with Mira who was glancing between the pair of them with concerned eyes. “And they seem much calmer this morning.”

“Oh…” Natsu wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that, and it left him feeling even more uneasy. He’d been expecting anger, hurt and any number of emotions in between. But calmness? For a brief moment, he felt a flicker of irrational anger at the fact that they could be ‘calm’ when it felt like he was starting to splinter all over again, but he ruthlessly suppressed it. “I…”

“I’ll tell them to wait, so take your time to think about it,” Makarov said gently, seeing the conflicted emotions on the teen’s face and after a moment Natsu gave a small nod. Relieved that he didn’t have to decide straight away, although he knew that his teammates were unlikely to be patient enough to wait for long. “Natsu.” He turned back to the older man with a small frown. “Regardless of how they might act now, the whole guild is with you. The main response was worry, not anger, although I don’t think most of them understand why you kept quiet about it.”

“I’m not sure I understand either,” Natsu admitted softly.

   Realising that the Dragon-slayer had nothing more to say for the moment, and not wanting his presence to add pressure to his decision the guild master quietly excused himself. Trusting Mira and Happy to let Natsu make up his own mind and hoping that his teammates would be able to cling to their calm long enough to at least hear him out.

****

   Gray grimaced slightly as he lent back so he could rest against the wall, the girls’ voices while soft aggravating his sore head and he barely resisted the urge to snap at them. Attempting to drink away his thoughts had been a terrible idea he realised in hindsight, not that he’d even managed to escape his thoughts. He had no idea how much he had ended up drinking, but instead of the drunken haze he’d been aiming for, he’d found himself trapped in his thoughts and completely unable to jerk himself away from him. Not that it had helped, because he still didn’t have a clue what he was going to say to Natsu when they saw him. If the Dragon-slayer even wanted to see them. _Natsu, what the hell am I supposed to say to you? How are we supposed to help you fight this? Are you even fighting this….?_ That was one question that had haunted him more than the others. It wasn’t like the idiot to hide anything from them, and he was afraid that the sudden change might be a sign that Natsu had admitted defeat. _No, Natsu wouldn’t give up…._

   He jolted out of his thoughts as he felt gentle hands brushing against his temples, and he blinked as he found Wendy crouching down beside him, staring at him with worried eyes. For a moment he stared at her, taking in the dark circles beneath her suspiciously red eyes, and he knew that they were signs of a sleepless night of tears and his expression softened. Before he could try and come up with something comforting to say, she’d sat back on her heels with a determined expression on her face, and he blinked as her hands began to glow.

“Wendy?” He asked, only to fall silent as he felt her Sky magic washing over him, chasing away the evidence of his hangover and he let out a soft sigh of relief as the throbbing in his head disappeared. It only took her a couple of minutes, and then she was sitting back with an exhausted sigh, and he frowned in concern, realising that it had been more of a strain than usual due to her exhaustion. Sensing the dark glare from Carla who was moving across to join them, he hastily reached out to steady her as she wavered slightly, offering her a strained smile when she peered up at him, before offering a soft apology. “Sorry, thank you for that.”

“It’s okay,” Wendy smiled at him before sitting up straighter and shaking off his supportive hand, turning to glance towards the infirmary before adding more seriously. “We all need a clear head for talking to Natsu-san.” She had been awake all night, and while she was no closer to accepting what Makarov had said about what was happening to Natsu, she had reached the conclusion that she wanted to be there for the other Dragon-slayer. He had been the first to believe that she was really a Dragon-slayer, and he had always gone out of his way to talk to her, teaching her more about their powers and protecting her. _I want to be the one that protects Natsu-san this time_ …

“Yeah…” Gray muttered as he followed her gaze for a moment, before glancing across at where Erza was pacing backwards and forwards with an anxious expression while Lucy tried to get her to settle down. _A clear head? I don’t think that’s going to happen…_

“Are you mad at him?”

“I don’t know,” He admitted after a moment as he turned his attention back to the Dragon-slayer, seeing her dubious expression as she studied him. “A little…I don’t really know how I feel about it. It still doesn’t seem real…” _That’s wishful thinking, I know it’s real, but_ …But admitting it meant admitting that what Gramps had told them was true and that Natsu really was dy… _No! No, I’m not ready to accept that…_

“I know…” Wendy whispered, and there was a fresh sheen to her eyes as she turned away, and he swallowed around a sudden lump in his throat as he tried to think of something to say. However, Carla beat him to it, appearing at her partner’s side and rapidly giving the younger girl a hug. _Damn it, how the hell are we supposed to deal with this?_ He demanded silently, blinking fiercely as he felt his own eyes beginning to sting, and he hastily shifted his attention across to Lucy and Erza in the hopes of distracting himself, realising that the latter was rapidly losing the odd calm she’d had when they’d met up outside the guild _. None of us is ready for this…_

“Erza we have to wait,” Lucy cautioned as she realised that the red-head was drifting ever closer to the infirmary door, and not trusting her to ‘forget’ Makarov’s orders that they were to wait for Natsu to make up his mind about whether he wanted to see them or not. She bit her lip, trying to hold back the thought that he might not want to talk to them yet, unsure of what any of them would do if that were the case. “If we rush in now…”

“I know,” Erza cut her off sharply, but her expression softened slightly as she turned to look at the Celestial mage as she gestured towards the infirmary. “It doesn’t make it any easier to wait. I want to know how he is…” She had spent the entire night in Natsu’s house, losing herself in memories of happier times and trying desperately to understand why he had tried to hide this from them, well aware that she was the one most likely to lose her temper. And while most of her irritation seemed to have dissipated at least, for the time being, she hadn’t come any closer to answering her questions, and she was desperate for answers. However, more than that she wanted to see Natsu, to remove her last image of him, lying still and bleeding in Mira’s arms. Natsu…

   Lucy nodded silently in agreement, relieved that she wasn’t going to have to try and stop the older girl from bursting into the infirmary, but now finding herself slightly at a loss. It had been easier waiting when she was focusing on calming Erza, now that she had realised it wasn’t necessary her thoughts were beginning to wander to darker topics once more. Wearily she leant against the wall, rubbing a hand across her eyes which were sore after a long, tearful night. She had shed more tears than she had years during the night, Virgo’s arms around her the only reason why she hadn’t gone to pieces completely. By the morning she’d felt completely empty, and she’d naively thought that she’d shed all the tears she had, yet now as she stood staring at the door hiding her best friend from sight, she felt her eyes beginning to burn once more.

_Natsu, is this really happening? Please…Please let us in. I need to see you…_

****

   Natsu had remained silent for a good ten minutes after Makarov had left, his breakfast now completely abandoned as he stared off into a distant point that only he could see. Happy and Mira sitting quietly by the side of his bed, wanting to help, but realising that he needed to make this decision himself, and not just because it was one of the few that had been left for him to make. Well aware that if he rushed into talking to the others before he was ready, then the existing tensions might be exacerbated to a devastating extent, and there was no way he could handle that on top of everything else. Part of Mira wished that she had insisted that they wait for a couple of days, but she dismissed that thought, as there was no way that they would have agreed to that.

“I want to see them,” Natsu whispered eventually, blinking as he refocused on the pair of them, the nervousness in his voice and expression plain for them to see.

“Are you sure?” Mira asked.

“No,” Natsu admitted after a moment, his gaze flicking nervously to the door. Even at this distance, he could catch traces of the conversations going on outside, and he couldn’t stop himself from flinching as he caught the way his friend’s voices would rise in anger every now and then. However, he did his best to hide his reaction as he turned back to his friends. “But I have to face them at some point don’t I?”

“Yes, but…”

“I’ll be fine,” He flashed her a weak attempt at his usual smile, but she could see the fear lurking in his eyes, and she wished that she could at least delay this meeting. The nightmare and his confession about what Porlyusica had found in his magic were clearly still bothering him, and she knew that it would take very little to set his magic off again. However, beneath the fear and fake smile she could see his determination, and after sharing a worried glance with Happy she let out a sigh and nodded in agreement, aware that he needed to be able to at least have that much choice. _Let’s just hope it’s not a mistake…_

“Fine, I’ll go and get them,” she said rising to her feet and heading towards the door, gesturing for Happy to stay when the Exceed made to follow her. Refusing to leave the Dragon-slayer without at least one of them by his side, and she had a feeling that Erza and the others would react better to having Happy there while they had this conversation, as she was well aware that they weren’t happy that she had known before them. Her hands clenched at her sides at that thought, because it wasn’t as though he had a choice. But she knew better than to say that aloud, knowing that Natsu was still unsettled by how many choices were being ripped out of his hands. However, she couldn’t just leave without saying something, and she hesitated with her hand on the handle. “But Natsu?”

“Yeah?” “If it gets too much send Happy to fetch me and I’ll get them to leave,” Mira ordered she turned just enough to be able to look back at him. For a moment he bristled at the command, but he bit back the retort on the tip of his tongue when he saw the genuine worry in her eyes, and after a moment he agreed.

“Okay...”

**

   They all looked up hopefully as the infirmary door finally opened, only to tense slightly when it was Mira who walked out rather than Natsu. There was a small smile on her face as she glanced around at them, but they could all pick up on the strained edge to it, and they exchanged nervous looks even as they gathered around.

“Mira…”

“He wants to see you,” Mira cut across Lucy, her voice sharper than they could remember hearing it, but they couldn’t bring themselves to mind her tone as they were all fixated on what she had just said. However, when she made no effort to move out of their path, their previous concern returned, and after a moment of awkward silence, Erza stepped forward with a slight frown.

“Mira?” She asked, struggling to keep her voice level as she was reminded once more that the Take-over mage had known what was happening long before they had. _Why? Why did you trust her more than us?_ Still, she knew better than to dismiss what the other girl was going to say, after all, she had been the only one that had known how to react yesterday, and Erza desperately wanted to avoid causing something like that to happen again. Especially as Makarov had reminded them once more that the Dragon-slayer’s magic was tightly bound to his emotions. Emotions that were probably already running higher than normal.

“He’s not sure that he’s ready for this, but he wants to see you,” Mira replied quietly. Relieved to see that Makarov’s report that they seemed calmer was true, although she didn’t miss the evidence of their struggles to accept what was happening, and she wasn’t sure that calm could endure when they were actually face to face with Natsu. Letting her gaze linger on each of them, in turn, to make sure that they were listening to her, she added quietly. “Please, don’t push him too far. His magic is already on edge, and he’s still recovering from yesterday. I won’t forgive you if you push him too far.” Their conversation in the middle of the night, and the realisation that time was already running shorter than they’d hoped had only increased her need to protect him, and yet she knew that she couldn’t stop this from happening. Still, she couldn’t resist letting t a little bit of her magic out to play, driving home the seriousness of her threat, waiting until she had received understanding nods from all five of them before finally stepping aside. “He’s waiting for you.”

**

   Happy reached out to lay a calming paw on Natsu’s arm as the Dragon-slayer jolted as the door opened once more, well aware that his partner had gradually been winding himself into a frenzy from the moment that Mira had stepped out to fetch them. Part of him had been tempted to chase after her and tell her to ask them to wait, well aware that Natsu was even less prepared for this than even the Fire mage realised, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to stand in the way of Natsu’s decision. Instead, he pressed closer to Natsu as the rest of their team stepped into the room, hoping that his presence would be enough to stop the already stirring magic from bursting out of control. _Please, let him have this much peace_ … He pleaded silently even as he tightened his hold on Natsu. _Please_ …

“Natsu…” Lucy whispered as she got a good look at the Dragon-slayer, noting the bandages around his head and torso with worried eyes even as she caught Wendy visibly having to restrain herself from rushing to his side to try and heal him. However, the physical injuries were the easiest to accept, after all, she had seen him in that state numerous times after all the fights they’d gone through. No, what was new, and frightening was the wariness in his eyes as he watched them approach, and the lost expression that flickered across his face before his gaze flickered down too Happy for a moment. The brief glance seemed to give him fresh strength, because he looked somewhat calmer as he glanced up at them once more, finally managing a weak smile.

“Hey…”

“How are you feeling?” Erza managed to ask after a moment, struggling not to show her dismay at his condition. They had all seen the changes in him over the past weeks, but somehow it seemed worse now that they knew the cause, and she felt the lingering traces of irritation fading even further as she fought the urge to sweep him up into a hug. _Answers, we need answers first._ It was clear from his wariness that Mira had been spot on in her warnings, and that was why she had squashed the urge to immediately demand the real reason for keeping all this secret. Instead, adopting a gentler approach, and hoping that his response would ease the lingering fear from seeing his outburst the day before.

   Natsu blinked at the surprisingly soft tone before frowning in confusion when he could find nothing but concern in her gaze. Where was the anger? The disappointment? She had been the one to call him out for keeping secrets on their last job, so he had fully expected her to be the hardest to deal with, and he found himself floundering now that she was behaving differently to what he’d expected. He had felt out of his depth from the moment he’d decided to try and talk to them, and more than once he’d contemplated calling after Mira and changing his mind, and now he found himself wishing that he had, as he realised that he was nowhere near ready for this. He had no idea what to expect from them. No idea what he deserved to hear from them, and no idea how to even begin to explain everything that had happened, everything that had made him hold his tongue about what was happening _. I can’t do this. I have no idea what to say…this wasn’t what I wanted…_

“Natsu?” Erza prompted gently when she realised that he had no idea how to continue, waiting patiently for him to lift his eyes to meet hers before asking. “Should we go?” It hurt to ask, every part of her screaming at her to take it back, but she couldn’t, not now that she was close enough to see the anguish in his eyes and the way he had begun to tremble. _Natsu_ … She wanted answers, she wanted to understand what was going on, but not at the cost of hurting one of her friends and it was that which gave her the strength to take a step back.

“Erza?” Gray asked uncertainly, not sure what to make of the sudden change in her behaviour, although he fell silent when she shook her head before gesturing silently towards the Dragonslayer. Reluctantly he forced himself to follow the gesture, finally taking a proper look at Natsu, something he’d found himself unable to do when they’d first entered. At once he could see why she was backing off, but even though he understood he found himself unable to follow as he stared wide-eyed at Natsu. This wasn’t the rival he had known since childhood or even the friend he had fought alongside for the past couple of years. For a moment it felt like he was looking at a stranger, almost like their Natsu had already slipped away before they knew what was happening and he clenched his hands. “Natsu…”

   Natsu tensed, feeling his magic beginning to stir more strongly just beneath the surface. This was too much. He didn’t know what to do, what to say _. What do you want?_ In away Erza’s question had just made it worse because he hadn’t been expecting understanding. He didn’t deserve understanding. He knew that he had hurt them by keeping secrets, so why were they all staring at him with such concern? Why were they trying to understand? _I-I can’t…I can’t…_

“Natsu, calm down,” Happy’s frantic voice broke through the haze that had descended on him, and he blinked as he glanced down to find the Exceed clinging desperately to his arm. “You have to calm down!”

“I…”

“What do you want to do? You have to make that choice! You’re the only one that can!” Happy continued, ignoring the others as he stared up at Natsu, well aware that the Dragon-slayer was skirting close to the edge of another outburst, and he was a second away from shouting for Mira when Natsu took a deep breath. Slowly, ever so slowly, the Exceed could feel the wild magic that had been stirring settling back into a background hum, although he didn’t dare release his hold on Natsu until the Fire mage finally turned to look at him, looking marginally calmer than he a moment before.

“Thank you,” he whispered before turning to look at Erza and the others. _Choice…this is my choice. I decided to face them, I have to see it through before it gets taken from me as well._ “I-I’ve been better,” he admitted when he finally found his voice once more, glancing down as he caught the sharp intakes of air that met his response, his hands beginning to tremble again and he swallowed nervously before adding softly. “I’m sorry…” _I’m sorry for keeping things from you, for not being okay…I’m sorry…_

“Is…Is it really true?”

“Yeah,” Natsu replied quietly, turning to look at Gray, struggling not to wince at that devastated expression that appeared before the Ice mage managed to conceal it behind a strained mask, but even then the pain was clear in the dark eyes holding his gaze. _That’s the look I wanted to avoid_ , he thought with a hint of bitterness, slowly letting his gaze drift across the others, seeing that they all looked as desperate to deny the truth as Gray, and he closed his eyes. “But…” _I have to tell them everything. There’s no point in hiding anything now, but…but…_

“But?” Wendy asked.

“It’s got worse…”

“What do you mean?!” Lucy demanded anxiously, finally taking a couple of steps closer to the bed now that it seemed that he was willing to actually talk to him, dread pooling in her stomach as she saw him hesitate. “Don’t hide anything else from us, please.” _Please stop trying to push us away._

“My m-magic is fading faster than expected,” Natsu replied unsteadily, finding that it was somewhat easier to admit this time, although the pain those words triggered was just as sharp as ever. He could feel Happy’s paw tightening on his arm, and he glanced down, managing a weak quirk of his lips in an attempt to reassure his partner.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t have as long as we thought…” Okay that hurt to say, he realised with a sigh, the weak attempt at a smile disappearing entirely as he felt Happy flinch beside him. _Why? I tell the truth, and I hurt them. I keep secrets, and I hurt them. What the hell am I supposed to do?_

“No way,” Gray breathed, and there was a dull thud as he slammed his fist into the wall and Natsu’s head shot up at the noise, oddly comforted by the reaction. _Anger. Denial. I can understand those_ … Narrowed dark eyes met his, and the Dragon-slayer sucked in a breath, half expecting the Ice mage to take a swing at him, and he’d almost welcome it. However, after a moment Gray took a deep breath and slowly straightened, although his gaze never shifted from Natsu. “Is there anything else? Are there any more secrets you’re hiding from us?” _Please say no, please prove that you really do trust us._

“No, you know as much as I do now.” _And look at you,_ Natsu thought with a hint of bitterness as he studied his teammates, shrinking in on himself as took in the hurt, the grief and the dawning realisation as their denial began to shatter. _You wanted to know, but now I bet you wish you didn’t. Now you know how I felt back then, but does that help anything?_

“Natsu…Why? Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Erza asked softly after a couple of minutes of silence, finally getting to the question that she really wanted to ask, although there was none of the anger that she had felt the previous evening. Still despite her soft tone they all caught the way that Natsu flinched at the question or the way his hands tightened in the folds of the blanket until his knuckles turned white, and they exchanged worried looks as they caught the anguish in olive eyes before he turned his gaze towards some distant point that only he could see.

_I don’t know_ , he wanted to say, and that was partly the truth. Even now he didn’t fully understand why he had been so adamant about keeping it secret after all the more logical part of him knew that they were his friends…his family…and that they would stand by him. However, that hadn’t been enough, and he still wasn’t sure why. However, as he slowly refocused on his friends, seeing the expectancy in their expressions, he knew that they wanted…needed a proper answer… but more than that, he realised that he needed that answer. _Why? Why did I want to hide it?_ He had told Mira that he’d wanted to avoid their pity and that he didn’t want everything to change, but it had been more than that, and he let out a shuddering sigh as that realisation washed over him.

_I was just trying to pretend…_

“I wanted to pretend…even just for a little while longer than everything was a-alright,” Natsu’s voice was barely above a whisper when he finally replied, and they all caught the waver, although he managed not to falter. “I knew once everyone knew that everything was going to change and that I would no longer be able to fool myself, and I can’t…I can’t pretend anymore.” His voice broke at the last bit, and they exchanged alarmed looks as they realised that tears were now trickling down his cheeks, even as relief settled over them as they realised that he hadn’t stayed silent because he didn’t trust him.

“Idiot…” Lucy was the first to break the stunned silence that had settled over the room, and before anyone could react, she had shot forward and engulfed the weeping Dragon-slayer in a fierce hug. “You idiot!” She felt him start at her words, and she tightened her hold on him when he tried to pull free, burying her face against his shoulder _. I’m so sorry Natsu, you were trying to cling to normality, and we just kept pushing and pushing. I’m sorry_. In the next instance, they were shaken by another impact as Wendy flung herself at the pair of them with a small sob.

“We’re going to find a way to fix this Natsu-san, then it won’t be pretending,” the youngest Dragon-slayer declared fiercely as she wrapped her arms around Natsu. She wasn’t happy with his explanation, and when they were all calmer she had every intention of calling him out on it at a later date, but at least she now had a reason, and something that she could try and help with, and for now that was enough.

   The three of them remained tangled together for a few minutes, the two girls holding on quietly while Natsu calmed down, neither of them commenting on the dampness on their clothes from where his tears had fallen. Despite the situation, they were just happy to have their friend back, although they knew that it wasn’t that simple. Because even now there was a certain distance between them, but they weren’t sure whether it was coming from them or Natsu. However, after seeing his earlier reactions and with Mira’s warning still ringing in their ears they decided to wait until things had calmed down. After all, there were more important things to focus on.

   Eventually, Natsu pulled back, swiping at his eyes and cheeks to try and remove the evidence of his tears, wondering how many more times he was going to show such weakness. He knew that things were far from resolved, but he had to admit that it was comforting to have them beside him, filling the void that had opened since their argument easing just a little. He doubted very much that they had completely forgiven him, and he winced, well aware that Lucy at least would confront him properly when things had calmed down, but at the moment, with their arms still wrapped around him, that wasn’t such a terrifying prospect. _Mira, maybe I can do this…_ The brief spark of hope dimmed slightly though as Erza cleared her throat softly, reminding them that they weren’t the only ones there, and Natsu couldn’t stop himself from shrinking back slightly, the memory of her harsh words from their argument rising once more.

“I’m not ready to forgive you just yet…” Erza admitted quietly realising that they were all looking at her with worried eyes, and she sighed as she saw the disappointment in Lucy and Wendy’s eyes before shifting her attention back to Natsu. The Fire mage looked unsurprised by her words, and somehow that was enough to help her stay calm, and she held his gaze as she continued. “I can’t even say I understand your reasons.” _You’ve never backed away from anything,so why start now? I get that this is badm and that you’re frightened, but this isn’t like you!_

“I…”

“But,” She cut across him, and he immediately tensed, his expression darkening as he glanced down, and her own expression softened as she realised just how much their reactions meant to him. Taking a deep breath, she finally closed the distance between them, reaching out to gently nudge his chin until he was looking at her once more. “I’m not going to continue fighting with you. You said that you don’t have as long as you thought. That just means that we have to fight this together. All I want is your word.”

“My word?”

“Promise me that this is the last time you ever hide something from us,” there was a note of pleading in her voice now, and Natsu didn’t hesitate even for a moment before nodding in agreement. He had already given the same promise to Mira and Happy, there was no way he couldn’t do the same for them as well,  and there was no point in hiding anymore. The fact that the choice had been taken from him still rankled, and he knew that if it hadn’t then he would still be clinging to his secret. _But, maybe this isn’t so bad._ Erza’s expression lightened at the quick response, and her lips quirked upwards as she added in a soft voice. “I missed you.”

“Yeah…me too,” Natsu replied quietly.

“Huh? Where did Gray go?” Lucy interrupted the moment, and Natsu immediately glanced around, feeling the fleeting happiness fade as he realised that there was no sign of the Ice mage and his eyes darted to the door just in time to see it click shut.

_Gray…._


	17. Chapter 17

 

  Natsu's expression shuttered as he realised that the Ice mage had taken off without saying anything, even if had been angry words or insults, which would have been more bearable than the sound of the door closing behind him. _Gray_ …He felt his magic skittering beneath the surface, and drew in on himself even as he tried to breathe deeply, refusing to lose control now. It took a few minutes, but finally, he felt his magic settling back down to a background hum, although he had a feeling that it wouldn’t take much more to push him over the edge. Feeling his eyes stinging slightly he turned his attention to the others, realising that they looked just as stunned by the Ice mage’s disappearance as he was feeling, although it was tempered by concern as they looked at him and he swallowed nervously. _Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine…I’m fine._

“That idiot,” Erza muttered, shifting her attention to the door as she caught the overwhelmed look that flashed across the Dragon-slayer’s face, hoping to give him a moment to try and gather himself.

“It’s okay,” Natsu murmured softly, struggling to force a neutral expression onto his face as he looked up at them, making no attempt to try and force a smile at the moment as he knew that they would be able to see through it. “Just let him be. I knew that you were going to be upset at me, so I can’t really complain, can I?” _But it hurts,_ he admitted silently to himself, glancing away as he caught the knowing look that Erza was shooting in his direction, his fingers clenching around the blankets once more. _Damn it, Gray, why couldn’t you just have hit me or something?_

“But…” Lucy protested, feeling the minute trembling that was wracking her best friend and realising that while he was doing his best to put on a brave face for their sakes, Gray’s actions had hurt him far more than he wanted to admit. _Natsu…Gray…_ She should have known that something was going to go wrong. They had all be stressed about this meeting, but she had focused more on Erza, well aware that the redhead was still upset from the previous argument she’d had with Natsu and that her temper was still on edge.

“Even if he’s still mad, he should have talked to you about it,” Erza growled softly, she had been somewhat concerned by the Ice mage’s quietness whilst they had been waiting, but she had put it down to worry and irritation, thinking that he was saving his words for when he was face to face to Natsu. She had never expected him to take off, unable to recall a time when he had ever backed away from a confrontation with Natsu, and her brow furrowed in concern. There was pain in the olive eyes that met hers for a moment, and even though she agreed somewhat with what the Dragon-slayer had said, she wasn’t willing to leave it like this. “I’m going after him.”

“Wait…Erza,” Natsu protested weakly as he caught the determined glint in her eyes, but it was too late, and all he could do was watch helplessly as she dashed out of the door in pursuit of the Ice mage. Wendy and Lucy looked equally concerned by her abrupt departure, but the latter quickly shook it off as she took in the expression on Natsu’s face, offering him a weak smile as she tried to reassure him.

“It’s okay she’ll bring him back.”

“Yeah,” Natsu agreed weakly, well aware that she was trying to cheer him up. However, his expression darkened as he glanced at the door once more, somehow doubting that it was going to be that easy. Of all of them he had expected that the Ice mage might be the calmest about it, especially when Gray had been the one to stand by him after their first argument, and he couldn’t help but feel as though something important had just been pulled out from underneath him.

_Gray…_

**

   Gray had no destination in mind as he dashed out of the guild, paying no mind to the others who’d tried to flag him down to ask about Natsu, focused entirely on getting away from everything and everyone for the time being. He didn’t want to think about the Dragon-slayer at the moment. He didn’t want to think about what was happening to his rival…his friend, or the fact that if they didn’t manage to find a cure, then there would be no Flamebrain around for him to fight. _Less than a year? How the hell am I supposed to accept that?_ No matter what he tried he couldn’t drive the thoughts away, and he could feel tears beginning to slip down his cheeks as the full weight of everything tried to settle on his shoulders. _I won’t accept it. I won’t believe it…_

“GRAY!” The sudden shout made him falter for a moment, mouth dropping open into a snarl as a familiar red-haired figure darted past him, and he skidded to a halt as he found Erza now blocking his path.

“Go away,” He snarled as he glared at her, for once refusing to back down even when she narrowed her eyes at his tone. Somehow, it just didn’t seem as terrifying anymore. Not with Natsu’s pale face, and quiet voice as he admitted to how badly he was doing echoing in his mind. Gritting his teeth, he pushed the image back, refocusing on Erza, and he barely managed to keep his tone civil as he added. “I just want to be on my own.”

“No you don’t,” Erza countered, her dark expression melting away into one of understanding and concern, and Gray took a cautious step backwards. _Don’t look at me like that._ He didn’t want to hear that she understood. He didn’t want her attention on him when she should still be up in the infirmary with Natsu. However, it didn’t seem as though she had realised that as she took a cautious step towards him, her voice softening as she continued. “You and Natsu are both the same, you both absolutely hate being alone and yet when something is hurting you, or something bad happens you immediately try and shoulder it on your own.”

“I’m nothing like that idiot!” Gray spat, barely paying any mind to the fact the temperature around them was dropping rapidly, his hands clenching at his sides.

“Yes, you are.”

“NO!” Magic flared in the air as he shouted, and she blinked as she found herself staring at the tip of his ice sword. For a moment she had to fight the urge to step back as she met his gaze, unable to remember the last time he had looked that dangerous. Or that close to lashing out, and she wondered if Natsu had any idea how much his friendship meant to the Ice mage.

“Gray,” she said finally, standing her ground and searching hopefully for some sign that he would back down without further trouble. However, onyx eyes bored into hers without hesitation, and she knew that he was ready to lash out at the slightest provocation and she let out a soft sigh, realising that the only way she was going to get him to talk and hopefully back to Natsu’s side was to knock some sense into him. _And you still say you’re not like Natsu?_ Shaking her head, she raised a hand, summoning her sword and immediately charging forward the moment it materialised, impressed at the speed at which the ice blade moved to block her blade. “Fine, let’s do it this way if that’s what it’s going to take.”

   Apparently, that had been the wrong thing to say as Gray launched himself at her, and she distantly wondered who he’d been practising with as his sword work was far better than the last time they’d sparred. Although as she glanced at his face, taking in the mixture of rage and pain, she had a feeling that it was more due to the fact that he was trying to focus on anything but what was happening with Natsu. Her eyes stung slightly at that thought, her gaze drifting briefly back to the guild and she found herself having to step back to avoid the ice blade as it came too close for comfort. _I’m not much better,_ she admitted to herself as she parried another blow. One of the reasons she had been so quick to volunteer to track down the Ice mage was to try and sort out her own feelings. She had been able to hold herself together in the face of Natsu’s distress, but she knew that she was far from ready to accept what was happening. _We can’t lose Natsu_ …Still, even though she could understand why Gray was acting like he was and despite her lingering anger with the Fire mage, there was no way she was going to let Gray abandon him at this stage, knowing that they needed each other far more than they were willing to admit.

“Why won’t you admit that you care about what’s happening? That all this is because you’re hurting over what’s happening to Natsu?” She demanded as she stepped into the next blow, hooking his sword with her own, biting her lip as she fought to hold him in place. “You’re hurting both of you by acting like this!”

“Why? Why should I care about that idiot?” Gray demanded harshly, glaring at her even as he tightened his hold on his weapon, ignoring the fragments falling around his feet and the dark look she was now levelling at him, for once having no intention of backing down in the face of her ire. “He didn’t want us to know! He’s still trying to pretend everything is normal! So why the hell should I care?” _I don’t care…I don’t care…_

“Gray!”

“I don’t care…” It came out much softer this time, and Erza sighed as she saw fresh tears trickling down his cheeks, hesitating for a moment before removing her sword and stepping back. Continuing to fight was only going to push him away at this stage, and after a moment she banished her sword, although her eyes never left his weapon, even if it was dangling half-forgotten from his hand at the moment as he stared at the ground, tears falling steadily at this point.

“Gray…”

“I’m sorry,” He muttered eventually, his weapon disappearing in a shower of blue sparks as the air around them slowly returned to normal temperature. For several minutes he just stood there staring at the ground, and Erza waited patiently, hoping that the silence meant that he was getting his thoughts together. She wasn’t foolish enough to think that this would be the end of it, but she hoped that it would at least be enough to get him to go back to the guild with her and actually speak to Natsu. However, when he finally lifted his head to look at her, she immediately realised that wasn’t going to be the case even before he spoke. “I can’t…I can’t face him yet.”

“But…”

“I don’t know how to deal with this,” Gray cut across her, his voice shaking slightly, and she could tell that he was struggling to get the words out. _None of us do,_ she wanted to tell him, but something told her that he hadn’t quite finished and so she held her peace, only for her suspicions to be confirmed a few minutes later. “Natsu has always been there, and the thought that he might not be…I can’t…” He trailed off, words failing him as he shook his head helplessly, and she hesitated for a moment before moving across to him, reaching out gently to rest her hand on his shoulder and feeling how badly he was trembling.

“All right,” she said softly, squeezing his shoulder for a moment before moving past him. However, she stopped a few steps away and waited until she felt his gaze on her before adding gently. “But Gray, he needs you by his side. He needs all of us.” She didn’t wait for a response, instead heading back towards the guild, hoping that Natsu would forgive her for not bringing Gray back with her. But she knew that if she had, then it was just going to result in poorly thought out words, and potentially more hurt than had already been caused.

**

   When Erza got back to the infirmary it was to find Mira chivvying the others out of the room with Happy’s help, and even from the end of the corridor she could feel the magic permeating the air, and her eyes widened. This was what it had felt like in the Guildhall the day before when he had lost control, and she immediately sped up, sharp eyes scanning the others to make sure they were unharmed, although it didn’t feel as though he had completely lost control yet. _Gray_ …She had no doubt that it was the Ice mage’s unexpected reaction that had pushed him towards this, and she bit back a sigh, knowing that wasn’t going to go down well when Gray learnt what had happened. It also meant that Natsu was unlikely to take well to the news that she hadn’t managed to bring the Ice mage back with her.

“Is he okay?” She demanded as she reached them, just in time to catch a brief glimpse of the Dragon-slayer hunched in on himself on the bed, before Mira closed the door quietly, hiding him from view and offering him a degree of privacy. There was concern in the blue eyes that met hers, but none of the panic that the Take-over mage had shown the day before, and she felt herself relax slightly at that realisation. She might not be happy that Mira had known about this before the, but she was more than willing to admit that the Take-over mage cared about Natsu, far more than any of them had realised, she added as she caught the other girl glancing back at the closed door.

“He’s close to having an outburst,” Happy was the one who replied to her question, his ears drooping slightly as he hovered beside Lucy, one paw resting on the Celestial mage’s shoulder in an attempt to offer her comfort. “His magic still responds to his emotions, only now it’s far more dangerous.”

“Is it safe to leave him alone?” Wendy asked anxiously, clenching and unclenching her hands nervously at her sides, fighting the urge to force her way back inside.

“Possibly not,” Mira admitted, immediately holding up her hand to stop their protests. “He needs to calm down, and no matter how well you took the news, having people around at the moment is only going to stress him out.” She had burst into the infirmary when she’d felt the first significant spike in his magic, half expecting to find them all arguing or something. Instead, she had found Wendy and Lucy trying to cheer him up, and no sign of Erza and Gray. It was Happy that had filled her in on what had happened, and while cursing herself for not waiting right outside the room, she had swiftly chased them out of the room after catching the fear in Natsu’s eyes when he had met her eyes briefly.

“But…”

“He’s scared of hurting people with his outbursts,” Mira cut across Erza’s protest with a sad smile, her gaze flickering down to her arm briefly before she glanced around at the others. “There’s no way he could calm down with that fear hanging over his head, so it’s better to give him some time to himself and hope that he can hold it in.” Her gaze flickered back to the infirmary door, hating the thought of him sitting in there on his own and fighting to hold back his magic. Still, she had known that was what he wanted the moment he had met her gaze, and she was determined to do everything in her power to make sure he had as many choices as possible. However, she still had every intention of pushing Levy and Freed to come up with some way of containing the outbursts so that he would no longer have a reason to push them, or her, away. Needing something else to focus on she turned back to Erza, glancing at the corridor beyond her, eyes narrowing as she realised that there was no sign of the Ice Mage. “You couldn’t get Gray to come back?”

“No,” Erza admitted reluctantly, although it seemed to be a moot point now, as there was no way he would have been able to talk things out with Natsu straight away if the Dragon-slayer’s magic was playing up again. She swallowed as she glanced towards the infirmary door, somehow feeling his magic in the air now that they actually knew what was going on was far worse than witnessing the outburst the previous day, and it was with difficulty that she refocused on answering Mira’s question. “He’s not ready to face up to what’s happening.”

“Are any of us?” Lucy muttered.

**

   Gray’s eyes were dry by the time he reached the riverbank, heading for the tree that marked the spot of many of their childhood fights and some of their more serious conversations. Usually, there was a sense of finding sanctuary when they came here, as no one, not even Erza had ever bothered them out here. It was a place that had become theirs, and yet as he slid down the bank, it felt as though he was a complete stranger and for a moment he nearly turned away. _I can’t lose this as well_. It was that thought that made him continue forwards, staggering on unsteady legs until he could collapse in the shade of their cherry tree. _Natsu…_

   He knew that he was being unfair to the Dragon-slayer, and he was somewhat surprised that Erza hadn’t forced him back to the guild, but he was relieved that she hadn’t. There was no way he could trust himself not to lash out verbally at the moment, and he didn’t want to hurt Natsu, not after seeing the pain and fear in the olive eyes that had been watching their reactions in the infirmary. It had never really occurred to him that it would be fear that had made the Fire Mage keep such a thing hidden from them, and that added to the fact that he was already far from ready to accept the situation had thrown him into a tailspin. He’d needed to get away and sort himself out before he could do any harm, although he knew that he had probably already hurt Natsu just by taking off.

   Perhaps that was why he felt so out of place sitting in what had been their special spot - he had hurt Natsu, so maybe he didn’t deserve to be here. And yet he needed the comfort that this spot and that shared past could offer, hoping that it would help him sort out the storm raging in his chest. Sighing he turned his gaze to the water, watching absently as a small family of ducks swam by, his lips twisting wryly as he remembered the time they had dared one another to try and catch the ducks. Neither of them had been very successful, and Erza hadn’t been very sympathetic when they’d both come down with chills after spending a full afternoon diving in and out of the river in the middle of winter.

_Natsu…_

    Fresh pain lanced through him and he flopped onto his back, staring blank-eyed at the sky, thoughts darting in and out of focus without giving him a chance to grasp one. Eventually, though he found his thoughts drifting to the last time, they had been here together, a dull ache forming as he realised that was nearly three years ago now. Even though he knew that was a side effect of them becoming teammates rather than just guild-mates, it still felt as though they had turned their back on something precious. Although given what had happened the last time they were here, perhaps it was to be expected that they hadn’t come back, at least until now, he added bitterly as he glanced up towards the top of the bank, memories sweeping over him.

_It had been a week and a half since Mira and Elfman had returned to the guild without their sister, and the entire guild was still in shock, and Gray was far from immune from that pain. However, he had quickly found his attention being drawn to the fact that there had been no sign of Natsu since the Dragon-slayer had fled the guild after hearing the news, and while he would never admit it aloud, he was growing increasingly worried by the idiot’s absence. The others kept telling him to leave Natsu be, claiming that he needed time to himself to accept the truth, but Gray had disagreed, well aware that the idiot didn’t handle grief well._

   _Eventually, he had decided to track him down, at least to make sure that he wasn’t doing anything stupid. At first, he’d searched every place that he knew had meaning for Natsu and Lisanna, growing increasingly concerned when there wasn’t even the slightest sign that Natsu had been there, and it had been a whim more than anything that had prompted him to check the riverbank. That was their place. Lisanna had never spent time at their particular spot, and somehow he doubted that the memory of their numerous fights would be helping at the moment, and yet that was where Natsu had apparently chosen to seek refuge._

_“There you are Flamebrain…” He called as he spotted the familiar head of salmon-coloured hair peeking over the top of the bank, and he’d darted forwards, only to halt as he realised that he hadn’t got so much as a jolt from the other boy to show that he knew that he was there. Hesitating for a moment he quietly moved down the bank, quickly reaching the Dragon-slayer’s side and sinking down beside him, still gaining no reaction from the other boy, and he hadn’t been able to mask his concern when he called to the other boy. “Natsu?!”_

_“I should have gone with her,” Natsu whispered finally, and the Ice mage had been stunned by the sheer amount of pain in the other boy’s voice. He had known that the pair were closer, far closer than they were, but he had never thought that the Dragon-slayer could sound that broken, and he found himself unable to say anything as Natsu continued in the same, strange tone. “I should have been there to protect her. I should never have let Elfman leave me behind!”_

_“It wasn’t their fault, and it wasn’t your fault,” Gray pointed out gently once he managed to find his voice, not sure what to make of this new Natsu. This wasn’t the hot-headed idiot that he knew, and for the first time, he found himself scared of saying or doing the wrong thing, although at the same time he was glad that he hadn’t listened to the others and had come looking for the other boy._

_“I know…” Natsu replied after a few minutes, finally lifting his head just enough to peer at Gray, and the Ice mage sucked in a breath as he took in the tears trickling down his rival’s face. If the redness around the olive eyes was anything to go by, the Dragon-slayer had been weeping for days, and Gray had found himself floundering, with no idea of how to make this better. “But I promised that I would always find her if she disappeared again. How am I supposed to keep my promise? How am I supposed to find her this time? How the hell am I supposed to move forwards…?”_

  Gray choked out a sob, the memory still close to the surface as he shifted his gaze back to the sky, wiping futilely at the fresh tears on his cheeks. Back then he hadn’t had the answers that Natsu needed. Instead, he’d just sat beside the other boy, wrapping an arm around him and letting himself cry himself out.   _Now I’m the one that needs the answers, but who’s going to come and sit with me?_ He couldn’t believe that things had come to this point, that barely three years had passed since they had lost their friend. Now they had her back, but they were facing a loss that none of them could have ever predicted, and his chest heaved with another sob as it dawned on him that perhaps there really was no answers to either of their questions.

_Natsu, how the hell am I supposed to accept this? You’re always supposed to be here…to be part of Fairy Tail, so how can we be facing a future without you?_

**

An hour later:

  Mira let out a soft sigh of relief as she stepped into the infirmary to find not only no trace of an outburst but that Natsu was also sleeping peacefully in his bed. The past hour had been nearly unbearable, but she had been the one to insist on waiting and giving him as much time as possible to regain control of himself. In the end, they had left Happy to guard the door, worried in case Gray changed his mind and inadvertently triggered the outburst by barging in, while they went to speak to Makarov about what was happening. It had given her a chance to see that Erza and the others at least were trying to deal with the situation as best as they could, and she was relieved, knowing that no matter what Natsu might say, he needed them all by this side. Although she had no idea what to make of Gray’s reaction, and she just hoped that he would sort himself out before it had a detrimental effect on Natsu, even if she could understand that it was a difficult situation to grasp.

  Still, she couldn’t help but feel irritated at the Ice mage, especially as she quietly made her way across to the Dragon-slayer’s beside, catching sight of the drying tear tracks on his cheeks and the unhappy frown marring his face.

“I’m sure he’ll come to his senses soon,” she whispered as she brushed her fingers through his hair, smiling slightly as the Dragon-slayer sleepily nuzzled into the touch with a soft murmur before stilling once more. With difficulty she pulled her hand away, aware that the others were still waiting to hear if he was okay, and with a last lingering glance at his face she turned away, determined to update them as quickly as possible so that she could be back at his side before he woke up. She lingered in the doorway for a moment, reluctant to leave him on his own again, but finally, she forced herself to leave, closing the door quietly behind herself.

  As soon as he heard the door click shut behind her, olive eyes fluttered open, and Natsu blinked, trying to clear the sleep from his vision. He had been trying to be patient and wait for them to check on him, only for his exhaustion to drag him under, although he had woken the moment that Mira had entered the room. It had been hard pretending to still be asleep, especially with her standing right over him, as he knew that she had to be worried after his magic trying to flare earlier and he had nearly given in to the temptation of revealing himself just so that he could reassure her. In the end, though it had been her whispered words that had given him the strength to keep pretending. He knew the Ice mage well enough to know that he wasn’t just going to accept this, or come back to talk to him of his own accord, especially as it seemed like Erza’s efforts had failed.

   That just meant that he was going to have to do something about it. Cautiously he sat up, his body protesting the movement and he scowled, well aware that this probably wasn’t the best idea he’d had in a while, but he had to fix things with Gray. He was the one that had kept everything hidden, so he had to be the one to fix things. Taking a deep breath, he eased himself off the bed, grabbing wildly at the edge of it as he swayed slightly for a moment. Clearly yesterday’s outburst and subsequent injury had left him weaker than he’d realised, but his expression settled into a determined scowl as he pushed himself away from the bed. He refused to let his magic take another choice from him, which meant that he needed to find Gray.

   Ignoring the unsteadiness of his movements, he headed for the door, aware that he needed to make his escape before Mira returned, as there was no way she would let him out when he was like this. Reaching the door, he inched it open and peered out nervously, relieved to find the corridor beyond empty as it appeared that Mira had taken Happy with her this time, and with a soft sigh of relief he slipped out and padded down the corridor as quickly as he could.

_I’m going to fix this…_

****

  Natsu found himself having to lean against the wall to try and catch his breath, his legs quaking beneath him, and his head throbbing unmercifully. It had been harder than he thought to sneak out of the guild, as it seemed as though everyone was still hanging around, apparently in the hopes of seeing him from what he had managed to gather. And while he was touched, it also scared him somewhat to think of having to face them all now that they knew the truth. It had made him even more cautious in his escape, and it had taken him a good twenty minutes to manage to slip out of the back door, and he knew that it wouldn’t be much longer before his disappearance was discovered, if it hadn’t already, and he glanced anxiously at the door at that thought. _Got to move…_

   Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself away from the wall, hoping that he was right about his hunch as to where Gray would have gone to think, well aware that he was in no state to be rushing around town even if he didn’t like admitting it. It was only sheer stubbornness that got him moving again, his mind fixated solely on the thought of finding Gray and trying to fix their friendship. Hoping that he wasn’t about to make things worse, rather than better. _Gray, you’re an idiot, but I don’t want to push you away…_

**

   Gray had no idea how long he’d been sprawled by the river bank, but it didn’t seem to matter, no matter what he’d tried he couldn’t make sense of the thoughts still running riot in his head. Old memories kept surging up and distracting him, and when he tried to push them away, he found them adding to the pain that the thought of losing Natsu caused. _Is that all I’m going to have left? Memories? How the hell are memories meant to make up for losing a friend? How the…?_ His thoughts skidded to a halt as he heard movement above him, and he blinked, eyes widening with shock as he found himself staring up at the very focus of his thoughts. At once he surged to his feet, whirling around to face the Dragon-slayer who was making his way clumsily down the bank, and Gray had to fight the urge to reach out and steady him as Natsu stumbled. _Why is he here? Gods he looks awful…but why the hell is he here? What the hell am I supposed to say to him?_

“Hi…” Natsu greeted him awkwardly when he’d finally reached the bottom of the bank, struggling not to wobble as his legs threatened to give way beneath him, privately amazed that he had actually managed to make it this far as it felt like his body was ready to collapse. He shifted uneasily as Gray continued to stare at him with dark eyes, suddenly realising that he had absolutely no idea how to even broach the topic let alone fix it _. Gray, how do I get through to you?_

“Why are you here?” Gray demanded harshly when he finally found his voice, internally cursing himself when the Dragon-slayer flinched at his words. _This was why I was hiding, I didn’t want to lash out,_ and yet now that Natsu was there in front of him, that was all he wanted to do. He wanted to lash out, wanted Natsu to understand how much he had hurt him by keeping quiet about this, and how scared he was at the thought of losing the idiot…and that desire scared him, forcing him back a couple of steps, as though such a short distance would make a difference.

   Anger. That was the emotion that Natsu had been expecting from all of them from the start, and oddly enough it relaxed him. He knew that emotion, and he knew that side of Gray, and that meant that he might still have a chance to fix this.

“Because you’re here,” he replied with a faint smile, stepping forward to close up the distance that Gray had just opened between them. “You took off on me, and I wasn’t about to let that slide,” he added, deliberately keeping any contrition out of his voice as he stared at Gray, unsurprised by the rage that had replaced the confusion in the dark eyes. _That’s it, Gray…_

“You…”

“I told you the truth, and you took off,” Natsu pointed out, sensing that the Ice mage’s control was slipping and silently bracing himself for the explosion to come, praying that he wasn’t making a big mistake as he added quietly. “Really mature, and you wonder why I didn’t tell you?”

   Natsu knew what was coming even before Gray had begun to move, and for a split second he contemplated whether he should move out of the way or even fight back, but as Gray’s fist shot towards his face he found himself unable to do anything, or rather that he was unwilling to do anything. He knew the Ice mage better than most, and he knew that there was no way they were going to be able to have anything approaching a proper conversation until he’d let off some steam. _We’re far too similar for being so different,_ he thought as he braced himself for the blow. Although he was unable to hold back a sharp cry as the Ice mage’s fist collided heavily with his cheek, sending a lightning bolt of pain through his already pounding head and he dropped down to one knee as his vision wobbled for a minute. _Damn it, he really wasn’t holding back…_

   Whether it was because the punch had actually landed, or whether it was the fact that Natsu had made no attempt whatsoever to protect himself from it, but Gray froze in shock as the Dragon-slayer dropped to one knee. For a long moment he just stood there, staring uncomprehendingly at the crouched figure, but then he blinked as the haze of his anger faded somewhat, and his mouth dropped open in horror as he realised what had happened. _What the hell was I thinking?_

“Shit Natsu,” He cursed dropping down beside the Dragon-slayer, reaching out to grab his shoulder as Natsu swayed slightly, fresh guilt welling up as the other teen couldn’t quite muffle a whimper of pain from the motion. Trembling slightly, he sat down next to Natsu, wrapping an arm around the Fire mage and gently guiding them both backwards until they were resting against the trunk of the tree. “I’m really sorry,” he muttered as he caught another soft groan from the Dragonslayer, his eyes darkening as he glanced at the bandage still wrapped around Natsu’s head. He knew that Natsu was still recovering, and yet he hadn’t been able to hold himself back in the slightest, the Dragon-slayer’s words pushing all his buttons in the worst way possible.

“I’m all right,” Natsu muttered after a moment, forcing himself to sit upright although he regretted the movement as his head protested, vision blurring on the edges. Apparently, the bump to the head had been more serious than he’d thought, and he winced as he imagined how Mira was going to react when she found out that he’d sneaked out. Shoving that aside, for now, he blinked until his vision had cleared completely, before slowly turning his head so that he could peer up at the Ice mage, relieved to see no trace of the rage that had been darkening the onyx eyes a short while before. “Do you feel better now?”

“Do I…?” Gray began to echo the question, a confused frown on his face as he stared at the Dragon-slayer, only to cut himself off as comprehension began to dawn. _You bloody idiot…You pushed me into hitting you? Why?_ He was well aware that he was the one that was out of line, he had known that even before Erza had chased after him and yelled at him, and he couldn’t understand why Natsu would go so far for his sake. Especially when the Flamebrain had more than enough to deal with as it was, and he couldn’t keep the guilt out of his voice as he finally got his voice to work again. “Idiot, is that why you didn’t even try to dodge?”

“You needed to do it right?” Natsu asked with a small shrug, reaching up to brush his fingers lightly over the cheek. It stung a little, and he had a feeling that he would have an impressive bruise by tomorrow, but he was well aware that the Ice mage could’ve done a lot more damage if he’d really wanted to. And a bruise was a small price to pay for a chance to have a proper conversation, although he had a feeling that the rest of their team weren’t going to agree. Pushing that thought aside he offered Gray a weak smirk, before taunting him softly. “You punch like a pansy anyway, so it’s no big deal.”

“Natsu…”

“Seriously it’s fine,” Natsu cut across him, this time offering him a genuine smile and Gray blinked down at him in shock. _How could he have that kind of expression after the way the Ice mage had been acting? How could he look so happy to just be there with him?_ “As long as it’s out of your system, and we can try and talk?”

“Yeah,” Gray muttered, knowing that he couldn’t say anything else really, not after the idiot had been willing to go that far just to get him to talk. He jumped when Natsu leant back against him, resting his head against his shoulder, only to frown as he realised that the Dragon-slayer was now resting most of his weight against him. _This is what you call all right?_ He thought with a fresh pang of anger, although he hastily squashed it, refusing to risk doing anything else to hurt the Fire Mage. However, he had no intention of letting the idiot’s condition slide, and he’d just opened his mouth to suggest that they get him back to the guild and talk there when Natsu’s quiet voice cut him off.

"I’m sorry…” The Dragon-slayer’s voice wavered for a minute, and Gray’s eyes narrowed with concern as he felt Natsu’s body heat up for a second, remembering all the warnings about not winding him up. However, before he needed to do anything Natsu took a deep breath and the heat disappeared, although Gray had the impression that it was still lurking, waiting for a chance to break free again. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you what was happening, and for what I said earlier. My decision to keep it secret had nothing to do with you, and I don’t blame you for taking off.”

“I…” Gray hesitated for a moment, thrown off balance by the easy forgiveness he was being offered, well aware that Natsu had every right to be upset with the way he’d reacted, and yet as he glanced down and met wide, olive eyes, he knew that Natsu meant every word of it. _Idiot…_ Taking a deep breath, he turned his gaze towards the river, trying to gather his thoughts and actually think about what he needed to ask…and what he wanted to say. “I’m sorry as well, and I didn’t take off because I was angry, although I am angry that you didn’t tell us…”

“Then why?”

“I’m scared,” Gray admitted hesitantly, feeling Natsu tensing beside him, and he glanced down to find the Dragon-slayer watching him intently, and he was relieved to see that there was nothing but honest curiosity and concern in the olive eyes. Still, he found himself unable to hold the other’s gaze, glancing away as he continued softly. “You’ve always been here, either right beside me, or right in front of me. The thought that you might not be there…”

“That scares me too,” Natsu’s quiet admission drew his attention back to the Dragon-slayer, his arm tightening around the other teen as he caught the sheen of tears in Natsu’s eyes, but he didn’t dare speak, sensing that it was hard enough for him to say this even once. “I want to have more adventures with everyone. I want to be able to use my magic, the magic that Igneel gave me…I want to see Igneel again...”

   A silent sob shook the Fire mage, and he squeezed his eyes shut, missing the pained expression on Gray’s face as it dawned on the Ice mage just what it was that Natsu was facing. What he had been facing on his own for goodness knows how long. “I never really thought about the fact that one day that all of that might be taken from me, and then this started happening, and I was terrified of what it might mean. It took me months to gather up the courage to talk to Gramps. Only to be told that I’m probably going to lose all that and that there’s nothing I can do but wait and hope for a cure that might not even exist...” There was a bitter note at the end that stunned the Ice mage, and it shamed him to realise that he hadn’t really tried to imagine what it must feel like to be told the only thing you had to hope in was a remote possibility of a cure being found. _I’m sorry Natsu…_

“Natsu…”

“I couldn’t tell you…” Natsu continued in a whisper, and Gray fell silent once more, his own eyes beginning to sting once more as he took in the pain in the Dragon-slayer’s voice. _How the hell did we miss this?_ They had known that something was wrong, but they had never come close to guessing that it was something of this magnitude. _How blind are we_? Realising that Natsu was struggling to continue, tears cascading down his cheeks even though his eyes were still squeezed shut, he reached out and drew the Dragon-slayer into a proper hug, mindful of the bandages around his torso. His own tear broke free as he felt Natsu shaking, and he rested his head gently against the Fire mage’s, hesitating for a moment before gently prompting him to continue, sensing that Natsu needed to get this out just as much as he needed to hear it.

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to tell anyone. Happy had to know because he had seen what my magic was doing. But I didn’t want them to share this pain. I didn’t want them to treat me differently…” Natsu’s voice broke, and his fingers tightened in the material of Gray’s shirt for a moment, before he took a shaky breath and forced himself to continue, his voice barely above a whisper now. “I’m already losing everything else, I just wanted something…anything that I could hold onto for a little longer, and normality was the only thing that I still had left, and then my magic destroyed that as well.”

_Oh, Natsu…_ Gray didn’t know what to say, everything that the Dragon-slayer had just told him rolling over in his mind, shame pooling in his stomach as he realised that at some point he had assumed that part of the reason for Natsu’s silence had been sheer stubbornness. Even his earlier response that he hadn’t wanted to be treated differently hadn’t seemed a good enough reason for him to stay quiet, but hearing everything else…He closed his eyes as he pulled Natsu closer, feeling the smaller teen beginning to sob in earnest as the Fire mage pressed his face into his shoulder.

_Natsu, I’m so sorry…_


	18. Chapter 18

 

   Gray was unsure how long they had sat there, clinging to one another as Natsu sobbed out his fear and grief, the Ice mage’s own tears falling silently despite his best efforts to get them to stop. After all what right did he have to cry? He had thought that he’d had a fairly good grasp on what had been going through the Fire mage’s head, but that had been so far from the truth as to be laughable, and a bitter noise welled up at the back of his throat. _I ran from him when he was already facing this_ … Part of him wanted to pull away, wondering what on earth he had done to get Natsu to try so hard to mend the bridges between them. To put so much trust in him, that he had allowed himself to break down emotionally in front of the Ice mage, after years of refusing to show such weakness in front of his one-time rival.

   Eventually, he realised that the smaller teen had gone quiet, his hands still grasping loosely at the Ice mage, and his breathing slow and steady.

“Natsu?” He asked with a frown, pulling back just enough to get a look at the Dragon-slayer’s face and letting out a soft sigh when he realised that Natsu had managed to fall asleep against him. “Idiot, you’re still pushing yourself too far.” There was no real irritation in either his voice or expression, Natsu’s pale, tear-stained face killing any spark before it could develop into anything else, and after a moment he gently reached out and brushed off as many of the tears as possible. _Natsu…_

   For a moment he contemplated rousing the Dragon-slayer, after all, they needed to get back to the guild as the others must be getting worried by now. However, he found himself hesitating with his hand a short distance from Natsu’s shoulder, pulling back after a moment with a defeated expression. There was no way he could bring himself to wake Natsu at the moment, not when he looked so fragile and exhausted, the mark on his cheek already beginning to darken. With fresh guilt stirring in his gut he eased himself out of their current position, gently shifting his hold on the Dragon-slayer, making sure that he had a proper grip on the other teen before cautiously rising to his feet.

“I don’t…want to die,” the sleepy mumble made him freeze, his heart aching once more as he glanced down, watching as Natsu stirred slightly for a moment before curling against his chest. He stood like that for a couple of minutes, just watching Natsu as the Dragon-slayer fell into a deeper sleep, some of the tension finally easing out of his expression. In direct contrast to the emotions surging through the Ice mage, that unconscious plea echoing in his ears. _I won’t let you die_ , he vowed silently as he tightened his hold on the Dragon-slayer. He didn’t care what it was going to take, but he was going to make sure that they found a way to fix this.

_I promise, so you better hold on Flamebrain…_

**

   By the time they got back to the guild, Gray felt like his arms were about to give way, but he stubbornly refused to let anyone take the Dragon-slayer from him, even going so far as to snarl at the few people that still attempted to relieve him of his burden. How Natsu managed to stay asleep as they were surrounded by worried mages, each of them clamouring to know what had happened and how the Fire mage was, was a complete and utter mystery to the Ice mage, but one that he welcomed. Somehow he doubted that Natsu was ready to face the masses yet, and he carefully pulled the Fire mage tighter against his chest, relieved to see Mira and Happy pushing their way through to him. Some of that relief faded when Mira reached them, blue eyes flashing as she took in the fresh damage to Natsu’s face and the lingering evidence of his tears, and the look that she shot at Gray was enough to make him swallow nervously. However, she didn’t say anything for the time being, instead quietly, but sternly ordering everyone to give them space as she guided them towards the stairs, and he was relieved to see that they were more willing to quietly acquiesce to her demands, and it didn’t take them long to escape the main hall.

“You punched him?!” Mira demanded the moment they were in the sanctuary of the infirmary, leaving Happy just outside the door to discourage the more impatient guild members that were still waiting for a chance to talk to the Dragon-slayer, and whirling around to glare at Gray.

“He made me!” Gray protested as he helped ease the Dragon-slayer onto the bed, wincing at how the words sounded even to himself and he wasn’t surprised to see Mira’s eyes narrowing at his response. Sighing he shifted his gaze to the sleeping Fire mage, amazed and concerned that the idiot had managed to sleep through the commotion in the guild hall and Mira’s sharp cry, and he couldn’t resist reaching out and brushing unruly hair out of Natsu’s face. _I’m sorry Natsu_ …Taking a deep breath, he continued in a much softer voice. “I never thought I would able to hit him when I lashed out, but he didn’t even try and dodge. He wanted me to get it out my system so we could talk.”

   Mira continued to glare at him for a moment, and he felt his own eyes narrowing as he caught the protectiveness in her gaze and he felt his curiosity flaring slightly. _Just what is he to you?_ He didn’t get chance to ask, because finally she sighed and relaxed a little, the anger replaced by expectation as she asked.

“Did you?”

“Talk?” Gray asked, earning a small nod in reply, and a sad smile flickered briefly across his face as he replied. “Yeah, we did….”

“Gray?” Mira asked, frowning as she caught the solemn expression that had appeared on his face. Despite the worry that Natsu’s disappearance had caused her, she had to admit that she was relieved that it appeared to have worked, but she didn’t like the expression on the Ice mage’s face, worry prickling at her as Gray seemed to hesitate before replying.

“He’s hurting,” Gray whispered, his hand coming to rest ever so briefly against Natsu’s cheek before he forced himself to step back. “I never really stopped to think about what all this meant for him. What he is going to lose if we can’t find a cure, and hearing him say it…” _It hurt…_

“He actually told you about all that?” Mira couldn’t quite conceal the jealousy in her voice, but there was no hint of it in her expression as she studied Gray. She was well aware that Natsu hadn’t shared everything with her just yet, and she had to admit that it hurt a little to realise that he had been more willing to trust in someone that had run out on him. But she hastily quelled that thought as her gaze shifted to the Dragon-slayer who was sleeping on, completely oblivious to their conversation, and her expression softened. _At least you’re not trying to handle it all by yourself anymore._ She might not understand why he had confided in Gray, but she couldn’t deny that it was needed, and she managed a slight smile as she continued. “He hasn’t even told me and Happy everything, and I’m glad that he finally found someone he could say it to.”

“But why me?” Gray muttered, glancing back at Natsu. It was the question that had plagued him from the moment that the Fire mage had broken down in his arms, and he couldn’t quite keep the waver out of his voice as he added softly. “I don’t deserve that kind of trust.”

“Natsu clearly disagreed, and it’s one of the few choices he still has,” Mira replied softly, although her expression turned stern as she met Gray’s gaze. “Don’t take that away from him.”

“I won’t,” He promised quietly. Remembering the way Natsu’s voice had cracked when he’d spoken about having his choices taken from him, about having his future stolen away, and his hands clenched at his sides. A chill seeping into the air around him before he managed to get it back under control, and his eyes were fierce as he stared at her. “Mira. I’m going to help find a way to fix this. I’m not going to let it end like this.” _I can’t…_

“Good,” Mira offered him a weak smile, well aware that Natsu’s belief was wavering if it had ever really existed, and that he needed them to have faith for him. Something that she and Happy hadn’t been able to do on their own, at least not to the level that the Fire mage needed. Hesitating for a moment, she reached out and brushed his arm before adding softly. “Thank you.”

_Thank you for believing in him, and for actually listening to him…_

**

   Gray had left them in peace a short while later, realising that Mira needed the chance to check that Natsu was truly okay for herself, and knowing that he needed to go and find his teammates and apologise for his behaviour. He just hoped that Erza was in a forgiving mood. Despite that, he had found it difficult to drag himself away from the infirmary, and it was only when he found himself stopping for the sixth time on the corridor, that he realised that he was terrified that something else could happen while Natsu was out of his sight. In fact, the realisation hit him so hard that he nearly whirled around right then, but he forced himself to stay where he was, well aware that there was no way Mira was going to allow anything else to happen to Natsu. _Although if it’s his magic, she might not have any choice..._

_This isn’t something we can protect him from_. It was a bitter pill to swallow, and he closed his eyes as he realised it must be even worse for Natsu. _How many times had the Dragon-slayer protected them? Yet when he needed them the most, the most they could do was try and find a cure? Damn it…_ Pain shot through his hand, and it took him a moment to realise that he had lashed out at the wall, hissing he glanced down and saw that he managed to break the skin on his knuckles and he silently cursed his stupidity. Still, the pain had helped to quell his other thoughts for now, and he cradled his injured hand against himself as he forced himself to keep moving. _We will find that cure, we have to..._

   He found the rest of his team sat at their usual table, seemingly fending off anxious questions from the other guild members who were still waiting for a chance to see Natsu. Silence fell when he appeared, and he swallowed nervously, well aware that they would want answers about what had happened earlier. Answers that he wasn’t willing to give, especially after the bitterness Natsu had shown about having his choices stripped away from. Adopting a neutral expression, he headed across towards the table, fighting the urge to turn and run when Erza’s gaze settled on him, but he refused to run away again today. Reaching the end of the table he came to a halt, meeting Erza’s gaze as best as he could and waving Wendy away when she immediately spotted his hand and began to reach for it.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” He said evenly, aware that she had held back earlier as she could quite easily have kicked his ass and dragged him back to the guild without breaking a sweat.

“Did you sort things out between you?”

“Not everything,” Gray admitted, although he knew that any further discussions they had were likely to be calmer than their one earlier. He offered the girls a weak smile, realising that Wendy and Lucy were listening just as intently as Erza, before adding softly. “But we’re going to be okay.” _I hope…_ If nothing else, Natsu’s reaction had made him realise that until the situation was resolved, he was going to have to temper his reactions, as the Dragon-slayer wasn’t in any state for their usual methods of dealing with issues between them.

“I still can’t believe you punched him,” Lucy muttered having managed to get a brief glimpse of Natsu’s face when he was carried past. Apparently, Erza hadn’t though because her expression darkened as she caught the Celestial mage’s words, turning to glower at Gray, who immediately backed away with an alarmed expression, fighting the urge to glare at Lucy for dropping him in it.

“I...”

“Natsu goaded you into it, didn’t he?” Erza asked with a sigh after a moment of studying him intently, and her lips quirked up slightly when the Ice mage froze and gaped at her. “I know what you two are like, you’ve never been able to have a serious conversation without at least one punch being thrown.”

“He said I needed it…”

“Then he was probably right,” Erza muttered, holding Gray in place with her gaze for a moment before gesturing for him to sit down, aware that she couldn’t punish him for it without punishing Natsu, and that wasn’t really an option when he was already in the infirmary. “How was he?”

“He…He’s breaking…”

_You might not want them to know, but I need help to make sure that you don’t break completely..._

****

Two hours later:

“You are in a lot of trouble,” Mira informed Natsu bluntly when he woke a couple of hours later, waiting until he had managed to have a drink and down some pain medicine as she caught him wincing. Before launching into the tirade that had been brewing inside her from the moment that Gray had brought him back to the infirmary. Thankfully the Dragon-slayer seemed to have picked up on her anger, sitting silently and allowing her words to wash over him, knowing that she needed to let it all out. “Did you have any idea how it felt for me and Happy to come back to the infirmary, only to find you had disappeared? Do you know how worried we were? You’re in no condition to be up and about yet, especially without us knowing where you are.”

“I know,” Natsu murmured finally, the throbbing pain in his head and the exhaustion weighing down on him more than enough proof of what she was saying. However, he forced it away as he offered her an apologetic smile before adding softly. “I’m sorry I worried you."

“But you don’t regret it?” Mira asked, catching the unspoken words beneath his apology, and the guilt that flashed across his face for a moment at her question.

“No,” He admitted after a brief hesitation, reaching up and ghosting his fingers over his sore cheek before continuing. “I got to speak to Gray. There’s still more for us to sort out, but we actually talked. I can’t regret that…”

“Fine,” Mira huffed, but he could see the softness in her eyes now and knew that the worst of her anger was over, although that didn’t stop him from flinching as she loomed over him a moment later, a hint of her demonic magic showing through for a moment. “However, if you even think about setting foot outside of this room again before either the Master or I say you can…” She let her magic crackle for a moment, until she caught the slight widening of his eyes and the small nod of understanding, allowing it to fade away as she smiled sweetly at him and he couldn’t help but wonder at the contradictions between the two sides. _Erza is scary, but I think Mira might be even more terrifying..._ “How are you feeling, are you up for more visitors?”

   The abrupt change in topic caught him by surprise, and it took him a moment to catch up, and he hesitated for a moment as he took stock of how he felt. His head was still aching, but the pain medication seemed to be starting to kick in, and while he could probably fall straight back to sleep he didn’t want to. Already irritated that he had clearly managed to fall asleep on Gray. The fact that he had woken in the infirmary had confused him at first, and he didn’t want to think about the fact that Gray must’ve carried him back. Shoving that thought aside he shifted his attention back to Mira who was staring at him expectantly, and he knew that she was searching for any hint of a lie, which was probably why his response came out far more hesitantly than he’d intended.

“I think so...”

“Good,” Mira replied eventually, deciding that while he still was far from well, he wasn’t about to keel over, and she offered him a slightly mischievous smile as she added. “The last I checked everyone was bickering about who gets to go first, and I think it was getting ready to burst out into a brawl.”

“Oh,” Natsu muttered, not sure what to make of that news. _Everyone?_ Now that he’d spoken to his own teammates, he’d thought there’d only be a handful of others that might want to see him, and yet he could see that Mira wasn’t exaggerating and he had no idea what to make of that.“I can handle some visitors, it’s not like I’ve got anything left to hide.” Even after talking to the others, and feeling that he was finally mending the relationship with them that had been shaky since their last job, he still found himself wishing that it was still secret, or that it had at least come out because he wanted it to. So far they had reacted better than expected, even Gray seemed to have forgiven him somewhat now, but he knew that the real test would come when he was up and about again. _Are they going to be able to treat me normally, or are they going to try and protect me from everything and shower me with pity?_

“All right,” Mira replied after a moment, deciding that it was better to leave it at that for the time being, somewhat disappointed to hear the bitterness that was lingering over how his secret had been revealed even if she couldn’t completely blame him for that. However, she hesitated in the process of rising to her feet, eyes narrowing as she took in the dark bags under his eyes and the yawn that he barely managed to suppress. Clearly what he really needed was more rest, but she knew that there was no way he was going to agree to it at the moment. He had always been a terrible patient, trying to escape as soon as he was conscious regardless of the state of his body, and she made sure that there was no give in her voice as she added. “Just let me know when you want to rest.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Natsu...” She began irritably, ignoring the aggrieved expression on his face as he glared at her, and after a moment he huffed and glanced away, and there was a decidedly sulky tone to his voice when he finally replied.

“I promise.”

   Mira studied him for a moment later, before deciding that he was as sincere as he was going to be at the moment, and trusting her own ability to detect when he’d had enough. With a nod she rose to her feet and offered him a smile before heading for the door, shouting back over her shoulder.

“I’ll go and see who won the right to see you first.”

   Natsu watched her slip out of the room before leaning back against his pillows, unable to stop the yawn that slipped free and fighting the urge to just roll over and go back to sleep. He hoped that it hadn’t been a bad idea to agree to this, still feeling somewhat raw and vulnerable after his conversation with Gray, especially as he had revealed far more than he had originally intended. Sighing he rubbed a hand over his eyes, hoping that he could get through this and then have some time to himself because as much as he loved his guildmates, everything felt a little too much at the moment.

**

   Apparently, Mira had detected the fact that he had needed some time to gather himself before facing visitors because it had been nearly half an hour after she had left, that the door opened to reveal a worried looking Macao with Romeo close on his heels. At once a genuine, if weary smile appeared on the Dragon-slayer’s face as he glimpsed the boy, although it faded slightly when he realised that Romeo was carefully avoiding his gaze and making no effort to move from his hiding place behind Macao as his father led him across to the bed.

“Hey Natsu,” Macao greeted softly, sounding nothing like his usual jovial self and the Dragonslayer’s smile disappeared completely as he realised that the Fire mage looked far older than usual. Before he could say anything though, Macao finally cracked a weak smile before adding teasingly. “You look like hell.”

“Thanks, old man,” Natsu retorted, glad to feel the tension in the air easing somewhat, but his humour faded as he shifted his attention to his other visitor who still hadn’t so much as looked at him. “Romeo? Are you not going to talk to me today?” Romeo’s only response was to grip the back of his father’s coat even tighter, and Natsu bit his lip, unable to recall a time when the boy had been unwilling to talk to him before.

“He...”

“It’s all right,” Natsu shook his head slightly, cutting across the attempted apology, his eyes soft as he studied Romeo and catching the way the boy was fighting the urge to look up at him. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you what was going on. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Yes, you were,” Macao denied, even though he realised that the Dragon-slayer had meant those words more for Romeo than him, offering a terse smile when he got a startled look at his words. “I’m sure you had your reasons, even if we might not agree with them. I just wish that we’d known sooner...”

“It wouldn’t have made much of a difference,” Natsu muttered, feeling compelled to reply as he realised that there wasn’t even the faintest trace of recrimination in that last bit, his eyes stinging slightly as his gaze drifted to where the healer had been standing when she’d told him what was happening and his expression clouded slightly. _It already seems like a lifetime ago, but it’s only been weeks…_ Swallowing he turned back to the older man, realising that he was waiting for a better explanation. “I asked Porlyusica, apparently this was something that was going to happen eventually.” _Would he have done something differently if he’d known…?_ He still didn’t know the answer to that question, and he wondered if he ever would. Would he ever really be able to weigh his own life, against the guild's safety?

“You’ve always pushed yourself too hard,” Macao muttered, his gaze lingering on the bandages around Natsu’s head and chest, and the growing bruise on his cheek.

“Not really...if my body behaved as it was supposed to I would be fine,” Natsu replied with a shrug, unable to keep the bitterness out of his tone, and he regretted it when Macao’s expression shuttered slightly in response. _Damn it, maybe I wasn’t ready for this…_

   His words, or more likely his tone seemed to have killed the conversation, and Natsu shifted uneasily on the bed as the silence stretched on. Normally, it would be no problem to fill the silence, after all, he loved laughter and chatter and was more often than not the centre of it, especially with Macao and Romeo who he considered family in their own way. But every time he tried to think of something that he could say to lighten the mood, his mind came up blank. _How can I make this better for them, when I can’t make it better for myself? Finally_ , he gave up and stared down at his hands, twisting his fingers together and wishing that he had asked for either Happy or Mira to stay with him, even if it would have been another loss of independence.

“I guess we should go,” Macao said finally, realising just how strained Natsu’s expression had become, dismayed that the visit had been nothing like he’d imagined, but he just had no idea how to talk to the teen now that they knew what was happening. What was he supposed to say to someone he had watched grow from a clueless child into someone that was on their way to becoming a fine young man, although still somewhat clueless when he knew that they might not get to become that man? His wavered slightly as he tried to lighten the mood. “There’s rather a large queue of people wanting to see you.”

“Oh,” Natsu muttered, having forgotten all about the fact that there were still others to see, completely distracted by the sorrow that had appeared in Macao’s eyes. It wasn’t as bad as the pity he had been so afraid to see, but it still hurt to see it, especially when he had no idea of how to ease it.

“Come on Romeo...” Macao murmured as he turned, trying to encourage his son to head for the door, but for the first time, the youngest Fire mage moved, shaking his head fiercely as he finally turned to look at Natsu. The Dragon-slayer was horrified as he caught the tears shimmering in the black eyes, and unable to think of anything to say he simply opened his arms in invitation, grunting as Romeo slammed into him at full speed a moment later.

“Natsu-nii...”

“It’ll be all right Romeo,” He murmured softly as he wrapped his arms around the sniffling boy, barely managing not to flinch as the younger mage lifted his head to peer up at him, tears now staining his cheek and his voice was more strained than he’d intended as he continued. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily! I still have plenty of cool fire tricks to teach you, as I’m not about to let an old man like your dad steal all my glory.”

“Hey!”

“Do you promise?” Romeo demanded, paying no mind to the by-play between the two older mages, his gaze never wavering from Natsu who had frozen at the question. “Natsu-nii...?”

“I...” Natsu hesitated, unsure of what he should say. On the one hand, if he didn’t promise then any effect his words had, had would be lost, but if he promised and they didn’t manage to find a cure… _I can’t do this. I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t even know if I have one_. Panicking he glanced up at Macao, silently pleading with the older man for help, but apparently, it was too late as Romeo was pulling away, scrubbing angrily at his tears before glaring at Natsu.

“You don’t know. You can’t tell me it will be alright, because you don’t know that!” Natsu flinched at each word, and he made no effort to stop Romeo when he whirled around and stormed out of the infirmary, leaving a shocked silence behind him.

“Natsu?”

“I’m okay,” Natsu forced a shaky smile as he glanced up at Macao, seeing that the older man was torn between staying with him and chasing after Romeo, and he gestured towards the door hoping that Macao wouldn’t notice how his hands were trembling. “Go after him, I’ll be okay.”

“I’m sorry…” Macao muttered with a sigh, hesitating for a moment before he took in the determined set to the Dragon-slayer’s face and realising that Natsu wasn’t going to welcome his company at the moment, and there wasn’t really anything he could say to make this better. Slowly he turned and headed for the door, hoping that Romeo hadn’t gone too far and that his son would be able to move past his anger before he lost Natsu completely. He was so caught up in his worries that he missed Natsu’s quiet whisper as he slipped out of the room.

“So am I…”

**

“You’re an idiot you know that,” Cana announced as she breezed into the room a few minutes later, successfully jolting Natsu out of his silence, and he couldn’t hide his relief as he turned his attention towards the card mage, for once relishing her bluntness.

“So I’ve been told,” He retorted weakly, ignoring the way her eyes narrowed at his tone as she reached his side. “Not sure that’s what you should say to an injured person.”

“Not normally,” Cana admitted, noting how he had avoided mentioning the main reason why he was in the infirmary and the pained expression that he’d been wearing when she’d first entered. _Something happened_ … She had seen Romeo dash out of the room, and Macao had looked stressed when he’d appeared a few minutes later, and now she wished she’d stopped him long enough to find out what was going on. Seeing the pleading light in Natsu’s eyes as he stared at her, and realising that he needed a distraction she did the only thing she could think of and teased him back, albeit in a softer tone than she would normally have used. “But I think this classes as an exception.”

“Yeah…”

“I wish you’d told us sooner,” She continued after a moment, her voice surprisingly gentle and Natsu squirmed uneasily. Somehow the gentleness was worse after Romeo’s angry response, and he found himself unable to meet her gaze. _Would it really have been that different if I’d told you sooner? He_ wanted to demand, but he couldn’t get the words out, and instead, he stared blankly down at his hands and let her voice wash over him. “We knew something was wrong, but…”

“Never imagined it could be this bad?” He asked bitterly.

“No,” She admitted readily. Even in her darkest musings, and from the various glimpses she had derived from her card readings, this situation was nothing like she’d envisioned. However, there were some facts that weren’t changed just because the situation was worse than they had expected, and she had a feeling that was what Natsu needed to hear most at the moment. “But it doesn’t really change anything.” As expected he finally turned to look at her once more, this time taken aback by the bluntness of her words, and she was relieved to see some of the pain fading from his eyes. “You’re still the same person you were before. You’re still a member of this guild, and we’re still going to do everything we can to make sure that doesn’t change!”

“I…”

“You’re an idiot?”

“Cana,” Natsu growled, but he couldn’t stop his lips from quirking up slightly, fighting to stop a proper smile from slipping out when he caught the triumphant expression that flickered across her face. “I… Thank you. I don’t think it’s that simple but thank you, it does help to hear it,” he admitted softly, and she smiled at him before surprising him by leaning in and pressing a teasing kiss to his forehead, before stepping back and grinning at his bewildered expression.

“We’ll make it that simple. After all, we need an idiot like you to understand it,” she teased, and he growled softly at her. But there was no heat to it, and this time he couldn’t stop a small smile from slipping free, her words warming him in a way that he hadn’t thought possible after Romeo’s reaction. “Now you have more visitors to get through, so I’ll be on my way.” With that, she made for the door. However, she came to a halt just in front and turned back to look at him. “Oh, and Natsu?”

“Yeah?”

“If you keep something like this from us again…”

“I won’t,” He promised easily, having already expected the threat when she’d turned back, silently wondering if they had all discussed this before letting people in to visit, before brushing the thought aside and waving as she left the room.

**

   He had a string of visitors after that, many just staying long enough to ask him how he was, and to extract the now expected promise that he would hide anything. However, slowly as time passed by he found himself starting to become snappish, his head beginning to throb once more, and sleep was becoming increasingly attractive by the moment. He was actually contemplating admitting defeat and telling Mira that he needed to rest when the door opened, and he caught a glimpse of her before she ushered in a surprisingly solemn looking Gajeel with Levy trailing after him, and the temptation to call out to her died at once.

“I’m sorry,” Gajeel muttered without preamble the moment he reached Natsu’s bedside, crimson eyes looking everywhere but at him, and Natsu blinked in confusion.

“Huh?”

“Levy!” Gajeel protested when the Solid-Script mage hit him in the shoulder for smirking at the confused expression on Natsu’s face, subsiding as she fixed him with a fierce glare, before turning back to Natsu and explaining. “For baiting you yesterday before...” He trailed off uncomfortably, unsure of how to go about describing what had happened with Natsu’s magic, let alone whether he should even be mentioning it, and he caught the worried expression on Levy’s face as she glanced between the two.

“Before I erupted?” Natsu asked bluntly, too tired by this point to care about how he sounded, although his expression softened slightly when the other Dragon-slayer nodded silently, and he sighed before replying. “It wasn’t your fault.” To be honest, he had completely forgotten about what had been happening before his outburst, too caught up in the fact that his secret had been revealed in the worst way possible. And he honestly didn’t want or need an apology, preferring to try and put the incident behind him as best he could, and it truthfully hadn’t been Gajeel’s fault, after all the other Dragon-slayer hadn’t known what was really going on.

“But the old man said...”

“You were trying to cheer me up,” Natsu cut across him softly, forcing himself to think back to what had happened back then, blinking as he realised the truth of his words and meeting Gajeel’s gaze head-on before asking uncertainly. “Weren’t you?”

“And failed completely...” Gajeel muttered with a hint of colour in his cheeks, glowering at Levy when she let out a noise that sounded suspiciously close to a giggle as she noted his reaction.

“Still doesn’t make it your fault,” Natsu pointed out with a shrug, lacking the energy to properly argue the point, but refusing to blame the other Dragon-slayer for what had happened. Gajeel hadn’t known what was going on, and Natsu was the one that had let his guard down. If the blame lay anywhere, it was on his shoulders, and he found himself unable to hold Gajeel’s gaze any longer as that thought registered. _I let myself forget that fact_. The silence that followed made him look up, and from the shocked looks he was now receiving he realised that he had spoken that last bit allowed and he paled.

“Natsu…” Levy whispered.

“I think that’s enough for now,” Mira interrupted gently as she appeared beside them. She had caught the strained expression on Natsu’s face when she’d let Gajeel and Levy in, and she had nearly stopped them from going in so that he could rest, but she knew that Gajeel wanted to apologise. However, eventually she had given into her concern and slipped back inside, just in time to hear what Natsu was saying, and she hadn’t hesitated before stepping in. Shaking her head, she silenced whatever protests they had been about to make, before adding quietly. “Can you tell the others that he needs to rest for now, and they’ll need to wait for tomorrow.” _Lisanna isn’t going to be happy…_

   Natsu heaved a sigh of relief as he watched as Mira herded Gajeel and Levy out of the room. As much as he loved his guildmates and was happy that they still wanted to see him, the constant string of visitors had exhausted what little energy he had, and all he wanted to do now was sleep until he felt better. His head was pounding worse than ever, and his cheek seemed more swollen than before, and he hissed slightly as he caught it before managing to shift onto his other side. Maybe letting Gray hit him hadn’t been the best idea, although at least it seemed to have at least eased the problems between them, even if he knew that it wasn’t going to be quite as simple as that, and it seemed as though he had a host of other problems to deal with now. Like Romeo…

“You look exhausted,” Mira’s soft voice made him jump, and he blinked up at her, wondering when she had reappeared at his bedside and when his eyes had slid shut. There must have been something in his expression because her eyes narrowed with concern as she studied him with new intensity. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just lots of upset people to deal with,” Natsu muttered, barely managing to suppress a yawn as he slowly shifted himself into a more upright position, not wanting to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation although he hoped that he could nap sooner rather than later.

“Are you really that surprised?” Mira asked.

“Not that they’re upset,” Natsu admitted, well aware that he had probably got off lightly today and trying not to bristle at the fact that they had gone easy on him, except Romeo. Even if he doubted that he would have been able to handle anything else. Trying to calm himself down he let out a soft breath, after all, there was no point in getting worked up about it now. Instead, he chose to focus on the thing that had surprised him most about the stream of visitors. “Just how many of them wanted to see me…” Even some of the guild members that he rarely interacted with outside of brawls had stuck their heads around the door to tell him to get better soon, and not to worry about singeing the place - a reminder that he could have done without.

“You’re surprisingly blind to your own importance,” Mira commented softly as she saw the honest surprise in his face, settling herself on the edge of his bed, and smiling slightly when he blinked at her in confusion.

“Huh?”

“I realised it when we were in the Celestial Spirit World,” She replied, struggling not to let her smile falter as it occurred to her that, that had been the last time she had seen him completely happy. Her fingers curling into the material of his bed covers as she realised that that had been the moment that all of this had started; he’d never been the same after his reaction to the foreign magics he’d eaten in the Spirit world. Desperately she shifted her attention back to what she had been saying, not wanting to get caught up in the other thoughts just yet. “No matter how much you might want to deny it; it was you actions that saved us.”

“But…”

“You always share the victory...the glory,” Mira cut across him gently, reaching out to tilt his head back towards her when he tried to avoid her gaze. “Back then I tried to thank you for you’d done, and you brushed it aside, saying that everyone had fought. You were right, but if it weren’t for your actions, it wouldn’t have been enough.” _Isn’t it always that way…?_

“I don’t fight for glory…” Natsu muttered awkwardly, feeling his cheeks heating up slightly although he made no effort to pull away from her, although his eyes clouded for a moment before he amended his own words. “I didn’t fight for glory.”

“I know,” She reassured him, wishing that she could banish the shadows that had appeared in his eyes, brushing her fingers across his cheek for a moment before pulling back so that he could focus entirely on what she was saying. “But I wish that just once you could see how much everything you do means to the rest of us, and that’s why everyone wanted to see you.” She hesitated for a moment, well aware that there was another reason that the guild wanted to see him, and wanted to stand beside him through all this, and she knew that it wasn’t going to be something that he wanted to hear. But still, she couldn’t help but think that he needed to hear it, and cautiously meeting his gaze, she forced herself to continue. “We also realise that we’re partly responsible for this situation.”

“What?” He shot up in the bed at her words, ignoring the way the room span for a moment as he stared wide-eyed at her, denials immediately springing to his lips. “No, you’re…”

“Yes, we are,” Mira replied flatly, seeing in his eyes that even he didn’t completely believe the denials that he had been about to say, and desperate to cut him off before he could utter them. _Natsu, stop trying to protect us!_ She reached out once more, this time grasping the closest hand which was now clenched against his covers. “All that magic that you ate…” She felt the flinch that went through him at her words, and she paused for a moment, before continuing in a gentler voice. “It was because we needed your help because we weren’t strong enough to win without you pushing yourself to the limit and beyond.”

“I never saw it like that.” _I had to keep you safe. I had to protect the guild...if anything I did it for myself, to protect my family so I didn’t have to experience the pain of losing it._ No matter how dark his thoughts had become, even in the days just after Porlyusica had told him the truth of what was happening with his magic, had he ever been able to blame the others for what was happening. He might rail against the unfairness of it all, but he knew that he had been the one that had decided to eat all that magic, even if the situation had helped push him into the situation where he needed to.

“I know,” Mira reassured him as she caught the distressed look on his face. _But we do..._ She wanted to say, but his expression hadn’t eased in the slightest, and she could feel the temperature around the bed slowly beginning to rise and so she bit back the words, refusing to be the one to push him into another outburst. “Let’s leave it at that for now,” she said instead.

“But...”

“You’re exhausted,” she pointed out, relieved when another yawn escaped a moment later to add credence to her words, although she sighed as she caught the stubborn set to his mouth. “If you don’t want to be stuck in bed longer than necessary you need to rest.” That seemed to have caught his attention as his mouth snapped shut around another protest and she could see him considering her words, and she was unsurprised at his next question.

“If I rest can I get up tomorrow?”

“We’ll see,” she kept her answer deliberately vague, not wanting to get his hopes up too much as they had no idea how he would be in the morning, especially as his magic was already beginning to stir again, but not wanting to say no altogether. For a moment he stared at her searchingly, and she had a feeling that he was able to see every one of her uncertainties, but after a moment he blinked and nodded. “Lie down,” she ordered, deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth, although given the speed at which he obeyed it seemed as though it was more his exhaustion that had got him to obey rather than any real obedience or agreement.

“Will you stay?” Natsu asked, feeling sleep creeping ever closer now that he was laid down properly, unable to resist the urge to bury his throbbing head in the cool material of the pillow. As much as he wanted to continue their conversation and make her realise that he really didn’t blame any of them for what had happened, he realised that he needed to rest, especially if it meant he could escape sooner. He had a feeling that he would be spending far more time than he cared to admit in this room in the future, and he was keen to enjoy what freedom he had while he could. _Don’t think like that_ , a stern voice that sounded suspiciously like Mira piped up in the back of his thoughts, and he clenched his eyes shut in an effort to block it out. _What else am I supposed to do?_ Feeling fingers beginning to gently card through his hair he forced his eyes open, hoping that his emotions weren’t written across his face, although from the sad expression on Mira’s face it was a wish in vain.

“I’ll stay,” she said softly, and he blinked back sudden tears as he realised that she wasn’t going to force him to speak about it, unable to get his voice to work he reached out blindly with one hand, relaxing when she met him halfway and gripped it gently. “Go to sleep, I’m not going anywhere.” Nodding silently, he allowed his eyes to drift shut once more, exhaustion pulling him under straight away, and he fell asleep to the sensation of Mira’s fingers resuming their path through his hair.


	19. Chapter 19

 

   Mira shifted uneasily as an arid smell tickled her nose, and it took a moment for her sleepy mind to process that it was smoke that she was smelling. The moment recognition dawned she shot up and away from the bed that she had been leaning against, eyes widening as barely a moment later flames erupted around the sleeping Dragon-slayer. Natsu was tossing and turning, sweat beading on his forehead and his expression twisted into one of distress, and she wanted to curse, well aware that their earlier conversation had probably contributed to this and wishing that she dared reach out to grasp his hand. _We really need to find a way to contain this. I want to be able to help him through this._

“Natsu!” She called as loudly as she could, hoping that if he was awake, he might be able to calm down a little faster, although part of her wished that he could sleep through this as she knew that he wasn’t going to be happy about having another outburst so soon. “Natsu! Wake up!” The bed was a lost cause by this stage, and the floor beneath it was becoming increasingly charred, and she was having visions of the whole room going up in flames when the Dragon-slayer jerked awake with a pained cry. “Natsu…”

“Mira…what?” It was clear that he was somewhat disorientated, but it didn’t take long for him to grasp the situation, and she caught the dismay in his eyes as he jolted upright in the centre of the flames. Once again she found herself reduced to the role of spectator, watching as he clenched his fists and jaws, a look of intense concentration on his face. However, it was clear that it was causing him even more pain than the outburst had been, and she felt her eyes stinging as the colour drained from his face, a low whimper slipping free before he was able to stop it.

“Stop…” She pleaded after another whimper, unable to bear it anymore. No matter how much destruction it meant they had to deal with, surely it was better just to let it run its course than keep this up, and despite the heat, she took a cautious step forward. “Natsu…”

“I can stop this,” His voice was low and strained, and she could hear the unspoken ‘ _I have this much control left_ ’ in his words, and the rest of her protests died on her lips. It might not have been the most responsible decision, but she couldn’t bring herself to force the issue, not when there was a hint of his usual self, shining through as he bit down on his bottom lip, the flames slowly beginning to die down around him.

   As the flames finally died down, there was an ominous creak, and before either of them could do or say something the burnt-out remnants of the bed collapsed beneath the Dragon-slayer’s weight, sending him crashing to the ground with a cry of pain. At once Mira darted forward, uncaring of the heat still radiating from the floor, her hands gentle as she helped him rise just enough to hobble out of the ruins of the bed, feeling the violent tremors that were now wracking his entire body.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered as he lent against her, his breaths coming in short, sharp pants, and she could feel his heart pounding in his chest as she rested one of her hands across his chest.

“Stop apologising,” she scolded softly, offering him a terse smile when he slumped further against her, and she could tell that he wasn’t going to be able to stay awake much longer. “Come on let’s get you into one of the other beds.”

“But…”

“You’re still healing, and you need to rest,” Mira spoke over the weak protest, well aware that he was terrified of causing more damage but unwilling to get into that discussion at this time of night when what he really needed was to be sleeping. “There’s no way you’re going home tonight, and I think you’ll probably need to stay in tomorrow as well. If you keep pushing yourself, then your body is only going to give out sooner.” She felt terrible for putting it that bluntly, especially as pain that had nothing to do with his injuries or the lingering ache of the outburst passed across his face. And she wasn’t sure what to make of the way in which he bowed his head without a word of argument, but she seized the opportunity to get him moving to the opposite side of the infirmary.

   The Dragon-slayer didn’t utter a single word as she helped him settle in another bed, and when she looked at his face, it was to find him staring blankly across at the destruction that he had just caused. Pulling the covers up over him, and struggling not to react to the realisation that he actually felt relatively cool to the touch for once, she then moved to stand in the way of where he was staring. For a long moment he continued to stare, seemingly unaware of her presence, but slowly he blinked and shifted his attention back to her.

“Mira…?”

“Do we need to talk about this?” She asked softly, reluctant to do so as she could see him fighting to keep his eyes open even now, but reluctant to let him fall asleep with unresolved issues. For a moment he seemed to consider it, but finally, he shook his head slightly before settling back against the pillows, although she wasn’t convinced as she caught the shadows lurking in his eyes. However, given that his eyes were already closing she decided to leave it for now, although she knew they were going to have to talk about it properly at some point in the near future. Instead, she reached out to tuck the covers around him with gentle hands, offering him a smile when he forced his eyes open once more to peer up at her, a silent question in their depths. “Go back to sleep, I’ll be right here.”

“Thank you, Mira,” he breathed before his eyes slipped shut once, his breathing evening out almost immediately and she let out a soft sigh as she brushed a wayward lock of hair out of his face. The fact that he’d had another outburst so soon worried her, and she couldn’t help but fear that they might have far less time than any of them realised.

_Please let me be wrong…_

****

Three days later:

   Things had been odd since then. In the end, he had been forced to spend a couple of days in the infirmary much to his disgust as he had developed a fever, which Wendy had diagnosed as being his body trying to deal with two outbursts in quick sessions. Even though he knew that was a bad sign, he hadn’t really been able to bring himself to care as he had felt absolutely miserable. The only thing that had made it more or less bearable had been the fact that Gray had come to sit with him through the worst of it, using his magic to cool him whenever it threatened to get too much. They hadn’t really talked about anything important during that time, mostly because according to Gray it was going to be hard enough to talk about when Natsu was his usual idiotic self, let alone when his deck was emptier than usual, causing the Fire mage to vow to punch him when he felt better. Instead, they had lapsed into idle conversation, that had flowed with surprising ease between Natsu’s naps.

   However, things hadn’t been so smooth once he’d been released from the infirmary and allowed to return to helping Mira in the guild. For one thing, Makarov had insisted that he was to be on light duties for the time being, which meant serving drinks and washing dishes, which Natsu didn’t particularly mind doing, as long as it was part of something more. Just being allowed to do that much made him feel more useless than ever, although he hid his complaints after seeing the concern in the old man’s eyes. Of course, the rest of the guild hadn’t failed to notice the restrictions, and he had found himself inundated with people offering to help, and it took all his self-restraint not to snap at them. He knew that they meant well, but couldn’t they see that they were making him feel worse? It also scared him to think of what they were going to be like when he did get worse if they were this overbearing now…

    Thankfully, for the most part, the reactions he received were born of genuine concern, and while he caught people shooting him looks when they thought he wasn’t looking, he found himself able to cope with that. He knew that if it were one of his friends in this position, then he would be trying to watch out for them too. However, there were a couple of pitying looks mixed in, and every time he noticed them he felt his earlier fears surging to the front. Pity was something that he feared more than everything else combined, and yet he found himself unable to confront them about it. Unable to shake the growing sensation that maybe that was all he was good for or all that he had to look forward to.

   Some people were still treating him normally though. Lisanna had visited him on his second day in the infirmary, scolding him gently for hiding something so serious, but admitting that she could understand why he had and reiterating her previous words that not everything was going to change because of it. He still didn’t fully believe her, how could he with how some of the guild were reacting? However, she seemed to determined that she at least was going to stick to her words, and she had been treating him as though nothing had changed since he’d entered the guild that morning, and he could see her attitude rubbing off on some of the others, especially when he visibly brightened at the normal treatment.

   However, there was one dark point that he couldn’t attempt to brighten with any sort of reasoning, and that was the situation with Romeo. He knew that both Macao and Mira had tired their utmost to convince the younger Fire mage to come and talk to him, without success, but what he hadn’t been expecting was to turn up to the guild to find that the boy had gone on a job. He hadn’t needed Macao’s stammered explanation to realise that Romeo was trying to avoid him, and he had to admit that hurt far more than the pitying looks and the thought of being useless did, and worse he knew that he couldn’t blame anyone but himself for the situation. He had never lied to Romeo before, often getting scolded for being too honest with the boy, and then this had happened. He just prayed that he was going to be given a chance to fix it before it was too late because he didn’t want Romeo to end up regretting anything if…when he was gone.

_I don’t want to regret anything…_

**

   After lunchtime he was called to the library to talk to Levy and Freed who had been summoned back to the guild while he was stuck in the infirmary, to talk about what could be done to try and contain his outbursts, or at least limit the danger he posed. To his relief, they both treated him completely normally, although he could see the concern in Levy’s eyes as she scribbled down notes. Still, it was a welcome break from the rest of the guild, although he found it awkward talking about his outbursts. Especially as he knew that for this to work he had to be bluntly honest, and he had found himself clutching the arms of his chair hard as he described the pain and loss of control he experienced each time, forcing his magic back as it began to stir in response.

“I thought that maybe we should split up,” Levy said finally once it was clear that he was done, her hand shaking slightly as she glanced down at her notes. It had been hard listening to the Fire mage speaking in such a low, almost broken voice that was so different from his usual self, and she desperately wanted to help get him back to normal. It was that which prompted her to speak up, gesturing towards the Rune mage who had been quiet and calm through the explanation, although she knew him well enough by now to know that he was anything but calm on the inside. “Freed’s magic is probably much better suited to actually containing the outbursts, and I could be helping Porlyusica and the others.”

“No!” Natsu blurted out, colouring as he realised just how loud it had come out as they both jolted in surprise, and he ducked his head sheepishly before continuing. “Sorry, it’s just that containing my magic is more important to me than anything else at the moment.” He knew that many people would object if they’d heard him saying that, but he meant it. Searching for a cure was all well and good, but there was a high likelihood that it didn’t even exist. While the reality was that he was a danger here and now, and he wanted to focus on something that could be dealt with.

“Why?” Freed asked quietly as he studied Natsu, not judging but clearly unwilling to agree unless he had a better explanation and Natsu sighed as he tried to get his thoughts into order, aware that a calm explanation was needed here rather than frantic ramblings.

“I’m dangerous as I am at the moment,” He trailed off for a moment as he glanced down at his hands just in time to see sparks skittering across his skin, a warning that his magic was close to the surface, although to his relief it didn’t seem active enough to imply that a flare was imminent. Although he wasn’t sure how much he could trust his own assessment, after all, he had been caught completely on the hop the other day, and he paled at the memory, and there was a fresh edge to his voice as he managed to continue at last. “I’ve already damaged the guild quite a bit.” _And hurt Mira_ , he added silently, but he couldn’t voice that bit aloud as he still hadn’t let onto the Take-over mage that he was aware of that fact.

“No one blames you for that,” Levy pointed out at once, before managing a weak smile as she added teasingly in the hopes of breaking the tension. “And you’ve done far worse in the past just by fighting Gray.” _And Gajeel, and nearly anyone else willing to fight you…_

“I know,” Natsu couldn’t bring himself to return the smile, even though he did appreciate her efforts to lighten the mood, instead turning his attention back to Freed and adding quietly. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”

_Protect Fairy Tail. I promised to do that years ago, and I intend to keep my word even if that means protecting them from myself…_

**

“How has he been?” Gray asked softly, and Mira glanced up from where she was cleaning glasses. She had known that he had wanted to talk about Natsu as soon as he had come across to join her, but she had expected him to take a bit longer to get to the point, as he had been carefully avoiding her gaze up until this point. Catching the surprise that passed over her face he sighed and gestured in the direction of the library where the Dragon-slayer had been holed up for the last couple of hours. “I don’t want him to hear us talking about him, but I’m not sure he’d be completely honest with me, even if he didn’t set out with the intention of hiding anything.”

“Yeah I think it’s going to take a while to break him of that habit,” Mira agreed with a frown, well aware that even though Natsu had promised both her and Happy that he wouldn’t hide anything anymore, it was going against the habit of a lifetime. Sighing at that thought, she set aside the glass she was holding and turned to focus on Gray, contemplating how best to answer that question. “In all honesty, I’m not entirely sure. Even though I knew about the situation before all of you, he still wasn’t overly open about anything even after I’d found out. He’s coping more or less.” _For now_ …More than once she had caught a faraway look or sorrowful expression on his face as he interacted with both her and the rest of the guild, and deep down she knew that they had barely scratched the surface of his reaction to the situation.

“Coping…huh?” Gray muttered, easily able to guess what Mira wasn’t saying, and he frowned. He knew that he was far from coping with the situation himself, and he wasn’t the one whose magic was rebelling. It had been terrifying seeing the Dragon-slayer lay low with a fever, as he couldn’t remember the idiot ever really being ill before this, and he knew that it was only going to get worse. _I have to help, but I don’t know how!_

   For the time being, it had been decided that he and Wendy were going to stick around the guild. The latter as she was filling in for Porlyusica although he knew that it was eating away at her that she couldn’t just banish this problem with her magic, and he was there so that he could finish sorting things out with the Dragon-slayer. Erza and Lucy had taken off the night before after spending the entire afternoon with Natsu, although he had dozed for a large part of the visit, and they were heading to Crocus to help search for a cure. Although he knew that part of their enthusiasm came from the need to get some distance so they could come to terms with what was happening, although they had both done an admirable job of acting as though everything was normal when they were around Natsu.

“Gray?” Mira’s worried voice jolted him out of his thoughts, and he wondered just how long he had been distracted to draw that kind of expression from her.

“Sorry, there’s just a lot to think about.”

“I know,” Mira reassured him with a smile, the shadows that had appeared in her eyes, telling him that she really did understand and he relaxed slightly. It was so easy at times to think that this was something affecting just their team, but it took only a glance around the guild to know that wasn’t the case. Because while things were slowly returning to normal, there was still a tense edge to the atmosphere, and he knew that it wasn’t going to disappear anytime soon, especially as people were still turning up and hearing the news for the first time. He winced as he glanced across at where Laxus and two-thirds of the Raijinshuu were sat, the former having taken the news badly despite the rivalry between himself and Natsu. However, he was drawn from his thoughts once more as Mira continued quietly. “I also know that things between you are far from fixed, but thank you for being here the last couple of days. I know it made a difference to him...it gave him a sense of normality amongst the chaos.”

“Normality…”

“It’s the only thing he wants,” Mira whispered, glancing towards the library to check that there was no sign of the Dragon-slayer returning before adding sadly. “But…”

“How long can we give it to him?” Gray finished for her, and she nodded grimly, and he felt the full weight of the situation settling over him once more, Natsu’s words from their conversation by the river reminding him of how much Natsu needed any sense of normality and his hands tensed against the bar, eyes blazing as he lifted his head to meet her gaze. “For as long as possible…”

_If that’s all I can do for you, then so be it. I will let you stay as our Natsu for as long as possible. I will fight for the normal you want._

**

   By the time Natsu returned to the main guild he was utterly exhausted. It had been more draining that he had expected talking about his outbursts, although he was relieved that his explanations had been enough to get both Levy and Freed to agree on focusing on containing his outbursts. Although he had come close to regretting it when he had then been subjected to a discussion of all the methods they could try, the pair tossing ideas and theories back and forth much faster than he could follow, and even when he could follow he couldn’t really understand. However, one problem they had all encountered was how they were going to test their ideas as he couldn’t exactly attack whatever seals and spells they were planning on using considering he wasn’t allowed to use his magic, and they were all reluctant to wait for an outburst and test each idea one at a time.

   He had finally slipped away as they were talking about how they could simulate an outburst, the idea that it could be simulated. That they would want to witness something similar, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth even though he knew that it was purely for academic reasons, and for his sake. His magic was still restless, but far enough away from the surface that he decided that it was safe to head towards the bar where he could see Gray and Mira chatting quietly, although he was a little suspicious when they fell silent for a moment when he appeared.

“How did it go?” Gray was the first to break the awkward silence that had fallen, shoving a spare stool towards the Fire mage and watching with concern as Natsu practically collapsed onto it, although he wisely cleared his expression when the Fire mage turned towards him.

“Fine…I think,” Natsu muttered, reaching up to rub at his temples and grimacing slightly as he caught the shiner he was sporting. Gray’s punch had turned into a rather magnificent bruise, and he had promised to return the favour as soon as he was released from light duties _. If he was released_ , he thought with a hint of bitterness, hurriedly turning his attention back to the question at hand, well aware that it wasn’t going to help anyone if he got lost in those kinds of thoughts again. “They were talking about things I didn’t understand, so I snuck away.”

“Natsu!” Mira scolded.

“What?” Natsu snapped before he could stop himself, flinching as she subsided with a hurt expression and he fought the urge to groan. _What am I doing?_ He knew that she hadn’t really meant anything by it, but he hadn’t been able to hold back the bubble of anger that had risen, although it had disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared leaving him feeling guilty and drained. “Sorry, I’m more tired than I thought.” He knew that wasn’t the only reason, but he really didn’t want to get into it at the moment. Not because he wanted to hide it from them, but because he didn’t think he could talk about it until he could get his own thoughts in order.

“It’s alright,” Mira reassured him, and he found himself wanting to growl at her. _Stop trying to make this easy for me, even I know I’m being a jerk_. However, he bit back the urge and the words running through his head, and instead rose to his feet, hoping that neither of them had noticed him gripping the stool for support before he managed to straighten completely.

“I’m going to head home. I just want to sleep for a bit,” he added when Mira opened her mouth to protest, and with a sigh, she closed it and nodded in agreement, well aware that Happy had headed home earlier to sort the house out for his partner. “Is that alright?” He asked, realising that he hadn’t really managed to help out that much with one thing and another.

“Of course,” Mira replied quickly, seeing the strain in his face and realising that trying to keep him there was only going to push him closer to an outburst. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Natsu nodded, hoping that some sleep would make him feel better. At the moment the thought of spending time in the guild was enough to make him want to either cry or snap at everyone, and he hated feeling like that. Struggling to keep his expression even he turned to Gray, realising that the Ice mage was trying rather unsuccessfully to mask his concern as he glanced between the pair of them, and his voice came out far terser than he had intended as he added. “See you tomorrow Gray.” Thankfully the Ice mage seemed to have picked up on just how close to the edge he was feeling at the moment because he didn’t argue and waved Natsu off with a quiet.

“Take care.”

   Gray waited until the Dragon-slayer was completely out of earshot, even with his advanced hearing, before turning to look at Mira with worried eyes, his concern increasing tenfold as he caught the way her gaze was fixated on the retreating Fire mage.

“Are you sure it’s okay to let him go like this?” He asked.

“Normality Gray…” Mira replied softly as she finally tore her gaze away from Natsu as the Dragon-slayer slipped out of the door, her eyes stormy as she turned back to the Ice mage who had stiffened at the reminder. She held his gaze for a long moment, before her attention shifted back to the door, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of her stomach.

_I just hope it isn’t a mistake…_

****

That evening:

   Natsu groaned as he rolled slowly onto his side, wrapping an arm around his stomach as it lurched violently at the simple movement. He’d felt mostly fine during the day, although he’d been somewhat restless and out of sorts, which he had put aside as being a result of having to watch other people come and go on jobs, something that he desperately wanted to be able to do. Not helped by the fact that he was having to deal with their reactions to his situation, and talking to Levy and Freed. However, almost as soon as he’d climbed into bed a couple of hours ago, he had started to feel off, although thankfully his magic was still a background him. _So what is wrong?_ It felt similar to how he’d felt when he’d first come back from the Celestial Spirit World, but that didn’t make sense as he hadn’t eaten any foreign magic since then. He grimaced as a spasm of pain passed through his stomach, and he curled in on himself with another groan, feeling bile rising in the back of his throat, and for a moment he thought that he was going to throw up.

   Slowly the feeling subsided, but he found himself feeling worse than he had before and he buried his head against the pillow, his frown deepening at how cool and soothing the material felt against his skin even as he let out a sigh. _I don’t feel well…_

“Happy?” He called as he sat up groggily, not happy at the thought of waking the Exceed, but unable to shake the feeling that there was something really wrong, besides which he had promised his partner that he wouldn’t hide anything else. He came up short when he realised that he was alone in the bedroom, fairly sure that the Exceed had been there when he went to bed, although he guessed that his restlessness had probably irritated the cat to the point where he had snuck off to find somewhere quieter to sleep. Still, he couldn’t quite quell the flicker of panic that came with the realisation that he was on his own, and his voice wavered as he raised it slightly. “Happy?!”

   Silence met his cry, and he frowned, surely the Exceed would have heard that even if it wasn’t anywhere near his normal volume. _Has he left?_ It was a foolish thought, and normally it wouldn’t have bothered him in the slightest even if it was true, but right now with everything feeling so off it felt like yet another weight pressing in on him, and he sniffled, slumping back against the pillow for a moment. He tried to tell himself that it was fine, and that he didn’t need help. Something which worked for all of a moment before his stomach rolled violently, only this time it wasn’t a feint, and he had to fling himself to the side, making it just in time before he vomited.

   The fit lasted for a couple of minutes, and once it was done, he fell back against the bed, exhausted and feeling worse than ever. _What was going on?_ Weakly he lifted his hand to wipe across his mouth, grimacing at the taste filling his mouth and groaning as he felt his stomach shifting again already. _No more please,_ he pleaded silently as he pulled his hand away, only to freeze as he spotted the flecks of blood covering his skin. _What…?_ Fear flooded him, well aware that it was bad sign and all thoughts of staying in bed immediately vanished. He couldn’t ignore this. Porlyusica’s warnings about his body giving way under the strain of his magic ringing in his ears. Swallowing nervously, he pushed himself up with trembling arms, trying to ignore the way the room shifted around him as he eased himself to his feet, his stomach rolling once more although thankfully it didn’t turn into something more. It’s all right, I’ll find Happy, and then we can go and see Wendy…it’s nothing to be worried about.

   Even in his own mind, that thought wasn’t overly reassuring, and he grimaced, apparently he couldn’t even lie to himself now. Slowly the room seemed to stabilise, and he cautiously moved forward, not liking the way he swayed with each step, and he hastily fixed his gaze on the door, hoping that having something to focus on would help. He was barely halfway there when his stomach heaved violently, and he doubled over with a pained whimper, heaving as he had nothing left to bring up and he felt the room beginning to shift around him once more. _This is bad_ …He realised just before the strength drained from his legs and he found himself crumpling to the ground with a startled cry.

   For a long moment, he just lay there stunned by the fall and waiting for his stomach to settle once more, however, when he tried to push himself up again he found himself barely able to push himself onto his elbows and he knew that he was in trouble as his vision began to darken. _Damn it, I can’t just lie here…_ Digging deep he found the strength to crawl forward a few paces, before he collapsed once more, barely able to make out anything but a blurry image of the door anymore, and he felt tears on his cheeks as he stretched his hand out towards it.

_Please…Happy…Help…_


	20. Chapter 20

Two days later:

   _It felt as though the world was on fire around him, and he shifted restlessly as fear stirred at the back of his mind. There was a vague awareness that he shouldn’t be afraid of fire, and yet he was. There was something about the flames licking at his flesh that terrified him…_

*

   The infirmary felt like a sauna, and Gray was fairly sure that he was going to melt if he stayed in here much longer, groaning softly as he rubbed a hand over his face, grimacing at the feel of sweat trickling across his skin. However, the thought of leaving was the furthest thing from his mind as he turned his gaze back to the restless figure in the bed beside him, expression darkening as he watched Natsu writhing under the covers, his face a twisted mask of pain and fear and once again the Ice mage found himself cursing their helplessness. Forgetting his own discomfort, he reached out and gently rested his hand on the Dragon-slayer’s forehead, summoning up a layer of ice which dissipated the moment it touched Natsu’s overheated skin, and he clicked his tongue before dragging more magic to the surface, unsure of how much longer he would be able to keep this up.

   It had been two days since Happy had burst into the guild, carrying the unconscious Dragonslayer and pleading desperately for them to save his partner. Since then it had been a seemingly never-ending battle against the wild heat that seemed to be trying to consume Natsu, and they were no closer to finding a way to bring his temperature or identify the source. Wendy had been doing everything she could, but without being able to use her Sky magic she was limited, and for the most part, they had been reduced to relying on what medicine they could get Natsu to choke down, and Gray’s Ice magic. Which had been growing less and less effective by the hour, not helped by the exhaustion pressing in on him, but they had to hold out. Porlyusica was on her way back from Crocus, and they were praying that she would have something that would work because even Natsu could only hold out so long against this heat.

“Stupid Flamebrain, what the hell did you do to yourself?” He knew that Natsu had been on edge when he’d left the guild the other day, but it hadn’t seemed to be that bad and Happy had insisted that there was no sign that he’d had another outburst. _So what caused this?_ They had managed to talk briefly with Porlyusica through the communication lacrima, and the expression on her face had told him that this was a bad sign and he couldn’t forget how Natsu had said that he didn’t have as much time as they’d hope. _But surely this is too soon? It has to be…_

“Gray you need to take a break,” He jumped at the sudden voice, realising that he had missed Mira slipping into the room because he’d been so distracted with his thoughts, and he jolted as a glass of water was dangled in front of him, and he found himself fixated by the sight of the cool liquid. “Here…”

“Thanks,” he muttered, accepting it carefully with one hand as he kept the other against Natsu’s forehead. Giving her a grateful nod, and draining the water in a couple of mouthfuls before rubbing the glass across his cheeks to cool himself off, but he already knew that the effects would last a few seconds at best and he huffed a defeated sigh as he abandoned the glass on the bedside table. “Any word on Porlyusica?”

“She should be back by morning,” Mira replied softly as she moved across to the seat on the other side of Natsu’s bed, hesitating for a moment before reaching out to grasp the Dragon-slayer’s forehead, and he saw her expression fall at the heat that was coming off of Natsu. “He has to hold out till then…”

“He can do it,” Gray whispered, staring hard at Natsu and willing the feverish mage to hear his words. _Do you hear me Flamebrain? You have to hold on…._

“I hope so…”

“Mira?”

“It was bad enough seeing him after his outbursts, but at least we knew the cause then,” Mira whispered, blinking back tears as she glanced across at the ruined bed that they still hadn’t had a chance to fix. She had thought that was going to be the worst of their troubles. That and trying to make sure that the Dragon-slayer didn’t get the chance to hide anything else from them, and this latest development had caught them all by surprise, and what scared her, even more, was the thought that even this might only be a sign of what was to come. _What are we supposed to do if it gets worse? We can’t even handle this_ …Once again she had been reduced to the role of spectator, and she hated it. “But this…not knowing what’s happening, what’s hurting him…I’m scared.”

“Me too…” Gray admitted softly, stroking his fingers over Natsu’s forehead and trying to ignore how thin his ice was becoming. “I’m scared that we’ll never get to finish talking about everything we need to.” _That we won’t have the time to find a cure…that we might lose him._ His expression clouded, and he glanced away from the Dragon-slayer, flinching as Natsu shifted restlessly on the bed, whimpering softly before curling in on himself. _Natsu…_

“You should get some rest,” she said softly after a moment, suddenly desperate to change the topic. Realising the truth of her words as she took in the dark shadows under his eyes and the faint tremor in his hands, well aware that he was probably already skating the edge of his magical endurance as it was. Gray immediately shook his head at the suggestion, the thought of leaving Natsu’s side and something else happening leaving a leaden feeling his stomach and she sighed, guessing what he was thinking as she felt the same way every time she had to leave the room at the moment. “You can’t keep this up indefinitely, and we’re going to need you if he gets worse before Porlyusica gets back.” _When_ , her mind coldly informed her, and her gaze flickered to Natsu for a moment, aware that even he could only hold out along this heat for so long.

“But…”

“I’ll send someone to get you if anything changes,” she promised as she turned her attention back to Gray, struggling to conceal the fear that her thoughts had dredged up, although she had a feeling that the Ice mage could see right through her efforts as he hesitated for a long moment before letting out a defeated sigh. As much as he wanted to stay, he knew that she was right and his ice would no doubt be needed later on, and at the moment he felt like he was ready to keel over if he was completely honest. Food, a shower and a short nap sounded like heaven right now, although he couldn’t help but shoot a guilty look towards the Dragon-slayer as he rose stiffly to his feet.

“All right,” he muttered, reaching out to grasp Natsu’s hand for a brief moment as he added softly. “I’ll see you in a bit Natsu…”

_Please. Please don’t go anywhere…_

**

“Natsu,” Mira whispered as she brushed her fingers against his overheated forehead, frowning at the heat before reaching for the cloth and bowl of cold water that had been put on the table, carefully wringing the cloth out before lying it where her hand had been a second before and allowing her hand to cup his cheek instead. “I’m not sure you can hear me, but if you can you need to fight this! I know...I know everything’s been too much lately, but we haven’t given up! So you need to hold on for us!” _Hold on for me_ , she wanted to say, but she knew that they weren’t close enough for that…yet…and Natsu had always come through for the guild. _Which is how we got into this situation in the first place_ , she concluded with more than a hint of bitterness, well aware that she wasn’t the only one being weighed down by that knowledge.

   She knew that it had been foolish to hope for some sign that he was able to hear her, and yet she couldn’t quell the disappointment that rose when he slumbered on without the slightest indication that he had heard her, or that he was even aware of her presence. Sighing in defeat, she stroked his cheek before settling back into the seat, her gaze never leaving him for fear that she might miss something important. Ever since Happy had brought him to the guild, she had been plagued by the thought that maybe they had missed something that day in the guild. He had been so out of sorts and snappish that it had been hard to get close to him, and the thought that she might have allowed that to colour her perception terrified her. Even though she and Happy were no longer the only ones able to watch out for him, she couldn’t help but feel that it was her responsibility. She had known first, she had promised to help him, and yet once again she had been completely helpless to do anything but sit and hope that he could come back to them.

_Natsu, how am I supposed to help you? What can I do to protect you?_

**

  It was a couple of hours that Wendy slipped into the infirmary to check on her patient, weariness dogging her every step as she had barely dared to sleep for more than an hour or two at a time since Natsu had collapsed. When she wasn’t with him, she was either in the library with Levy and Freed, or on the communication lacrima to talk to other healers in the hopes of finding someone that had encountered something similar, and so far she had absolutely nothing to show for it. While she had been able to give him some medicine to help combat the fever, so far it had, had little impact, and it was crushing to realise how little there was that she could do to help him.

   She was unsurprised to find Mira sat beside him, or that the Take-over mage was dozing uneasily, one hand resting gently against the Dragon-slayer’s wrist. She knew that the older girl had managed to get even less sleep than she had, and it was a relief to see her actually resting, so she quietly grabbed a blanket from one of the other beds and gently draped it over Mira, holding her breath when Mira shifted with a soft murmur before settling down once more. Satisfied that she would be able to get some more rest, Wendy turned her attention to her patient, disappointment pressing in on her as she realised that there was no sign of improvement. Not that she had really expected there to be any at this point. _We need Porlyusica-san…_

“Natsu-san…” Wendy whispered as she gently reached out to check his temperature, eyes widening as she realised that it had risen since she’d last checked it and she worried at her bottom lip. The temptation to use her magic to heal him was growing by the hour, and she blinked as she found that her hands had been inching forwards of their own accord and she snatched them back with a horrified expression. While she wasn’t wholly convinced that there was nothing her magic could do, she didn’t dare risk it until she had spoken to the older healer. He was already too close to the edge, there was no way she would be able to bear it if her magic was the final push.

   Sighing she moved across and retrieved the bowl of water from beside Mira, moving back to the other side of the bed and removing the long dried cloth from Natsu’s forehead and soaking it once more, her hand trembling as she carefully mopped the Dragon-slayer’s face.

“Please Natsu, you have to hold on,” she pleaded softly as she worked, keeping her voice low so as not to disturb Mira, her eyes prickling with tears as she stared down at the older Dragon-slayer. “Porlyusica will be back soon, and then…”

_Then I’m going to learn how to cure you…_

****

That night:

_He hadn’t felt fire this hot since the day he had got too close to Igneel’s roar when his father had been showing him how to work his magic. Back then his tolerance had been a lot lower, which was a worrying thought because that meant that this fire was even hotter than Igneel’s fire. He whimpered at that thought, drawing away from the heat as best he could, wondering whether this was some form of punishment. Maybe Igneel knew what he had done to the magic he had given him, and his cheeks felt damp as that thought wrapped itself around him…_

_Igneel, I’m sorry…_

**

“Igneel...”

“Natsu?” Gray leant forward hopefully, it had been hours since Natsu had spoken out in his fever, and he hoped that maybe it was a sign that the Dragon-slayer was improving. There was nothing to show that Natsu knew he was there, but he refused to abandon hope just yet, slipping his hand into Natsu’s as he instructed softly. “Natsu can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can!” Nothing.., there was no sign that his words had reached the Fire mage, and he struggled to contain his disappointment, well aware that it was probably too much to hope for at this stage. However, he jolted in surprise when the Dragon-slayer suddenly flinched away from with a weak cry, his face twisted in distress.

“Igneel...” Natsu pleaded, his eyes remaining stubbornly shut as he tossed his head fretfully from side to side. “Please, it’s too hot...”

_Too hot_? If he had been worried out of his mind before, those two words were enough to send his concern rocketing skywards. In the same way, it was a bad sign when he was bothered by the cold, he knew that it meant things were really bad if the Dragon-slayer was complaining about the heat, not that he could blame him. Just the heat that he was letting off as a result of the fever was nearly enough to bring Gray crashing to his knees, and he didn’t even what to imagine what it must feel like to have that heat coursing through your body. Gritting his teeth, he tried to focus on his ice, desperate to offer even a brief respite from the heat, even going so far as to lay his other hand on the Dragon-slayer’s chest.

   For a few minutes, it seemed to be helping, the Dragon-slayer’s restless movements slowing until he lay still once more, although his breathing remained ragged and his eyes were darting beneath their lids, and Gray wondered what thoughts or dreams were still harassing his friend. The extra hand was draining, and he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to keep his efforts up all night, but even if it was just a brief respite, he hoped that it would be enough. However, he had just begun to relax as much as it was possible to in this situation when he felt the heat from Natsu soaring to new heights and he snatched his hands back in alarm, half expecting flames to follow, but instead Natsu twisted on the bed with an anguished expression before huddling into a ball.

“I’m sorry...” Natsu’s voice came out as a raspy whisper, but it wasn’t the sound that made Gray wince, but how broken his friend sounded and he found himself scooting closer once more, forgetting all about the risk of an outburst as Natsu continuing to whisper broken apologies. “I’m sorry...Igneel...I’m so sorry.”

“Natsu,” Gray called soothingly, hoping that his voice would be able to break through to the Fire mage, his eyes prickling at the sight of Natsu calling out to his foster father. Even on the rare occasions that the Dragon-slayer had been ill when they were ill, he had never called for the Dragon, and there was a sinking feeling in the Ice mage’s chest as he heard Natsu whimpering out his father’s name once more. Natsu...Gently he reached out and grasped the closest hand, carefully untangling it from where Natsu was clenching the covers, squeezing the too warm fingers as he added softly for. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

“Igneel...”

   The Ice mage sighed as he realised that even those words hadn’t been able to break through to the Dragon-slayer, defeat pressing in on him as Natsu shifted uneasily, face creasing with distress once more before he continued with his litany of apologies. Apologies for what though? He knew that one of the main things bothering Natsu about this situation was being unable to use the magic that his father had given him, but surely he didn’t feel the need to apologise for that? _Of course, he does_. He might never get the chance to see Igneel again, and he can’t even use the gift that he was given… He knew without a doubt that the Igneel that Natsu had described would never punish the Dragon-slayer for this situation, but it seemed as though Natsu wasn’t able to see it that way, and the Ice mage had no idea what to do.

_This isn’t your fault, none of this is your fault…_

****

   It had been a long, seemingly endless night and by the time Happy came to join him at the crack of dawn the Ice mage was barely able to keep his eyes open. Natsu’s temperature had risen through the night, and it had taken every ounce of magic he had to keep it from spiralling completely out of control. However, while he had been able to do something about the fever, there had been nothing that he could do to comfort Natsu, and he had been forced to spend hours listening to Natsu crying out to Igneel and whispering frantic apologies. That had been bad enough, but during the highest point of the fever, Natsu had begun to mutter apologies to all of them… apologies for not protecting them…for hiding secrets…for leaving them…and Gray had wanted to scream, the quiet words rubbing salt into the wound that was the realisation that their weakness had been the reason Natsu had ended up in this situation.

   The Dragon-slayer had finally fallen silent about an hour ago, although every now and then he would let out a soft whimper and Gray knew that even now his thoughts were haunting him, and he felt guilty for the relief that the quiet had brought him. The fever had fallen back to its previous level and seemed to be holding steady for now, and he desperately hoped that was a sign that Natsu was showing his usual stubbornness and holding on until help came. _Please…_ He quietly filled Happy in on everything that had happened, although he almost wished he’d held back the information about Natsu’s apologies to them as he caught the haunted look in the Exceed’s eyes as he glanced towards his partner. Aware that Happy was blaming himself for not getting to Natsu sooner the other night although Wendy had assured him that he had done everything he could.

“Fetch me if you need me, I’m just going to crash in one of the spare rooms,” Gray added finally as he rose to his feet, grabbing the bed to steady himself as he wobbled slightly, realising that he had been right to abandon the thought of walking home. Waving off the concerned Exceed, he shot the Fire Mage a lingering gaze before heading slowly towards the door, exhaustion washing over him now that he was no longer solely responsible for watching over Natsu and he just hoped he could make it to bed before he fell asleep.

   Happy waited until he had made sure that the Ice mage had made it safely out of the room, wondering if Natsu would even be able to believe the lengths that his supposed rival was going to, to help him, before turning back to his partner. Fresh guilt churned in his stomach as he slowly scrambled up onto the bed to get a better view, his expression falling as he studied the pale face, reaching out to lay a soothing hand on the restless Fire Mage’s arms. _I’m so sorry Natsu_ …Despite everyone’s reassurances, he couldn’t shake the fear that it was his fault that things had got this bad if he had only been with Natsu when he had first taken ill.

_Happy had started awake, startled to find himself on the couch in the living room and trying to recall how he had wound up sleeping there rather than in his hammock or on Natsu’s bed. Vaguely recalling how restless his partner had been, and the foot connecting with his shoulder that had sent him off in search of safer pastures. Although he hadn’t planned to stay down here, hoping that once Natsu had settled into a deeper sleep, he could go back. Rubbing at his eyes he peered across at the clock on the wall, realising that it was the middle of the night which explained why he still felt absolutely exhausted. So what had woken him? He listened intently for a moment, but the house was silent around him, and he wondered if he’d just imagined it._

_He was just debating whether to risk going back upstairs and potentially disturbing Natsu or spending the rest of the night down on the sofa when there was a dull thud from upstairs, and he froze almost positive that he had heard a soft cry. At once all traces of sleep had disappeared, and he’d shot off the sofa, dashing up the stairs with his heart pounding, straining to hear if there was any further noise from the Dragon-slayer._

_“Natsu? Are you okay?” He called probably louder than he should have at that time of night, flinging the bedroom door open once he’d checked that he couldn’t feel the usual overwhelming heat that accompanied an outburst. However, whatever relief he had felt at the lack of heat vanished as he burst into the room to find his partner sprawled on the floor, one arm outstretched as though he had been in the process of crawling to the door. “Natsu!” Panicking he darted to the Fire mage’s side, wrinkling his nose at the acrid smell of vomit lingering in the air, and feeling the breath catch in his throat as he caught sight of the Dragon-slayer’s face._

_“Happy…”The faint whisper made him jump as he’d thought that Natsu was unconscious, although the barely open olive eyes and hazy gaze told him that it wouldn’t be long. He moved forward, gently brushing a paw across the closest pale cheek not liking how hot the Dragon-slayer felt, or the unhealthy flush that was spreading across his face._

_“I’m here,” he reassured, struggling to quash his guilt as he wondered how long Natsu had been trying to call out to him, silently promising not to leave him alone again. Seeing that the Dragon-slayer was actively struggling to keep his eyes open at this point, he gently patted Natsu’s cheek, waiting patiently for slitted eyes to meet his gaze before asking urgently. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Not…sure…” Natsu replied brokenly, and there was a hint of fear in his expression as he shifted slightly before rolling abruptly onto his side as his stomach rebelled once more, and there was nothing Happy could do apart from rub comfortingly at his back and wait for the spell to pass. Once it was over Natsu lay there trembling, his breathing coming in rasping pants for several minutes before he weakly turned towards the Exceed once more. “Help…”_

_Happy had just opened his mouth to promise that he was going to help, that they’d get back to the infirmary and get Wendy and Mira to look at him, but the words died on the edge of his tongue as Natsu’s eyes rolled up and he went completely still._

_“Natsu? Natsu!”_

   Blinking the Exceed was unsurprised to find that his cheeks were damp, and he reached up to brush a trembling paw across his face in an attempt to wipe away the tears. Even though he had brought Natsu to the guild straight after that, murmuring the promises that he hadn’t had a chance to say before the Dragon-slayer had passed out, it didn’t seem to be doing any good, and he was terrified that their time was running out far faster than it was supposed to. There was no way he was ready to face up to that future. To the thought of a future without Natsu, and he flung himself forward, not caring about the overwhelming heat as he wrapped his arms around his partner with a soft sob. “Please, you have to give us longer.”

_Natsu, please don’t leave me…not yet…_

****

   Porlyusica appeared mid-morning, striding into the infirmary with Mira and Makarov on her heels, to find the heat in the air reaching new levels as Wendy and Gray frantically tried to lower Natsu’s temperature as a terrified Happy watched on from the sidelines. The customary irritated expression on her face giving immediately changing to one of concern as she rushed across to join them, gently nudging aside Wendy so that she could lay a hand across the Dragon-slayer’s forehead, her eyebrows rising at the heat coming off the Fire Mage. _What is this?_ She had been filled in on what was happening, but she had never imagined that it was this bad, and she shared a worried look with Makarov before getting down to business, refusing to lose the teen before she even got a chance to try and cure him.

“How long has he been like this?” She demanded.

“His temperature started rising an hour ago, but he got pretty bad during the night,” Gray managed to reply through gritted teeth as he strengthened his ice once more, ignoring the exhaustion still weighing him down, and biting back a curse as his ice immediately began to melt under the force of Natsu’s heat.

“But no actual outburst?”

“Not since the other day,” Mira was the one to reply this time, her expression taking on a pinched look as she recalled just how much impact those outbursts had had already, her hands clenching at the thought that even now they were hurting Natsu. “But he had two in close succession. Is that what caused this?” She flinched as Natsu whimpered, his restless movements much weaker than they had been, and she knew that he was beginning to lose ground and she turned pleading eyes towards the older woman. They had done everything they could, and she didn’t know what they were going to do if Porlyusica didn’t know what to do.

“No,” Porlyusica shook her head immediately, before hesitating for a moment as she glanced down at Natsu. “At least I don’t think so. If it were just down to outbursts, I would have expected him to have another one while this fever was running, but if there haven’t even been flames…”

“Then what?” Gray demanded anxiously, wanting to snap at them for wasting time asking questions when Natsu was trying to slip away from them, but he bit back the urge, well aware that in this situation the healer needed every bit of information she could get. Not that, that knowledge helped as he felt his ice melting even further and he gritted his teeth, readying his flagging strength to reinforce it once more when Porlyusica held up a hand to stop him.

“Step back,” she ordered.

“But…”

“I need to check something, and you’re in the way.” There was a hint of her usual sharpness in her voice, but the glance she gave him was sympathetic, and with a nervous swallow he stepped back, his ice disappearing immediately now that he was no longer reinforcing it. Finally, there was a reaction from Natsu, a weak hand stretching out as though searching for the coolness that had been helping him a moment before although it was clear that he was still completely out of it, and Gray was hard pressed not to give in to the temptation to reach out and grab the searching hand.

    Porlyusica hesitated for a moment, unsure of how the Dragon-slayer would feel about his friend’s seeing the state of his magic, although now that they knew the truth of the situation there seemed little point in hiding it. Hoping that this wasn’t a mistake, she raised her hands and cast the reveal magic that would show her the physical representation of Natsu’s magic, holding her breath as the magic took a moment to take hold. Although went it did she felt her stomach plummet. _What the hell happened?_ The spheres had materialised as normal, but the one that had held the remnants of the etherion was gone, only faint traces of blue scattered across the others showing that it had once been there. _It burst…_

   Slowly she studied the other spheres, her expression darkening as she realised that the cracks covering all of them had spread considerably, but it was when her gaze shifted to the orb that represented his own magic that she let slip a curse. There was a large dent in one side, filled with a spreading pattern of cracks of azure fragments.

“What is that…?” Wendy’s quiet question broke the silence, reminding Porlyusica that she wasn’t alone and she glanced up to see everyone was focused on the spheres and she sighed.

“That’s Natsu’s magic…”

“But…” Mira had seen the reveal spell once before, back when she was a child, and they were trying to discover the nature of her magic, and she knew that it was never meant to look like that, and she raised a trembling hand to cover her mouth. _Natsu…_ It had been one thing to know what was happening, and to know that he had eaten so many kinds of magic and that they were threatening to destroy him, but to see it…To see the damage that had already been done, it was far worse than anything she had ever imagined, and she choked back a sob _. Natsu, this is what you’re facing?_

“One of the spheres has exploded, and the magic it contained is contaminating the others,” the healer explained quietly gesturing to the blue fragments.

“Is that what’s causing his fever?” Gray asked.

“Yes,” Porlyusica replied without hesitation, but she could see that they wanted or maybe needed a more detailed explanation, and she sighed, glancing down as Natsu shifted uneasily, eyes darting rapidly behind closed lids. “Essentially he’s experiencing the same reaction he would after eating new magic, but its magnified because it's reacting with all the others, and his own magic.” She gestured towards the central orb, and they didn’t need words to realise just how bad the situation was, it looked like the orb could break at any moment, and the grim expression on her face told them that, that was something that they didn’t want to happen. Her own gaze lingered on it for a moment longer, the fire inside was burning brighter than it had been the last time she had examined him, but she couldn’t draw any reassurance from that, because if that orb burst…

“How long will it hold up?” Makarov asked, speaking for the first time and they were all struck by how old he sounded and looked as he moved closer to the end of the bed, his expression one of deep sorrow as he studied Natsu’s magic before glancing at the feverish Fire mage. “Porlyusica?”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted heavily, taking in their disappointed expressions at her words, her gaze resting longest on Happy and Mira who had known what was happening for longer than the others, and she hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I thought we had more time before this would start happening. I wasn’t even sure what would happen, but, even according to my worst case predictions this shouldn’t have happened for another couple of months.”

“What does that mean for Natsu?” Happy asked, his voice trembling and the healer sighed as she released the reveal spell, feeling the atmosphere relaxing slightly now that the visual evidence of what was happening disappeared from sight. “And how do we fight this?” He added as Natsu whimpered again, and this time Gray didn’t resist the urge to step forward once more, shooting Porlyusica a challenging look as he rested an icy hand against the Dragon-slayer’s forehead, but she didn’t protest.

“It means that if we’re going to find a cure we have to hurry,” she said gravely as she turned back to the Exceed, relieved that Erza and Lucy had decided to stay behind and continue with the research even though they had desperately wanted to come back with her. They didn’t have the time for no one to be researching, but she was going to need to recruit more help because time was not on their time. It had never been on their side, but this acceleration scared her. The only good thing to come from recent events was that everyone was now aware of what was happening, and that meant she had more people to recruit from. “But, this reaction…”

“What?” Happy demanded.

“You’re already doing all that can be done,” Porlyusica replied softly, holding up a hand to stall their horrified protests. Wishing that she had a better response to give them and noting the way Wendy was glancing at her hands, realising that she would need to make sure the girl didn’t give in to the urge to use her magic. Any more magic entering his system would probably set off a complete collapse at this stage, and there was no way he could survive that. “He has to ride out the effects much as he would after eating the original magic…”

_We just have to hope that he has the strength and willpower to hang on…_


	21. Chapter 21

 

   Three days. It had been three days since Porlyusica had broken the news to them that the only thing they could really do was wait and hope that Natsu could come back to them on his own. Seventy-two hours of taking it in turns to sit with him, talking about everything and nothing in the hopes that some of their words would reach him. Of trying to keep him as cool and comfortable as possible as the fever threatened, again and again, to drag him away from them. Seventy-two hours of being able to do little more than more watch as he twisted in the grips of the fever, begging Igneel for forgiveness and for the Dragon to put out the flames, but it had been even worse when he had started apologising to them. Hearing him saying sorry for being a burden, for hurting them had sent Wendy from the room in tears, and Gray and Mira had been only marginally better as they frantically tried to soothe him enough to stop the desperate apologies.

   It was Mira’s turn to sit with him now. Wendy was currently locked in the library with Levy and Freed who was still trying to come up with a barrier that would be strong enough to contain one of Natsu’s outbursts, and Gray had been forbidden from returning to the infirmary that day after he had collapsed from overusing his magic. The stubborn Ice mage putting up one hell of a fight until Mira had used a sleep spell on him, Elfman volunteering to take him home so that she could stay with Natsu.

“Natsu,” Mira murmured softly, squeezing his hand gently in the hopes that he would at least feel that even if her voice wasn’t able to get through to him, hating the thought that he might be trapped inside the fever all on his own. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but you have to hold on, you have to fight this.” It felt needlessly cruel asking him to fight this on his own, especially after all the promises she had made about helping him, but it had to be done. They were doing their best to control the fever, but every time they dared to think they had made some headway he seemed to deteriorate, and she didn’t need the tense, whispered conversations between Wendy and Porlyusica to know that was a bad sign.

_Natsu, please, you’re strong enough to beat this…you have to be…._

**

_Every now and then he would catch voices over the sound of the flames. He could never make out what they were saying, or who was speaking, but he knew those voices, and it reassured him to know that he wasn’t completely on his own. However, whenever he tried to reply or stretch a hand towards the sound the flames would rise, trapping him where he was, and he was beginning to lose hope that he would ever be able to escape the flames._

**

  Romeo hesitated in front of the infirmary door, silently asking himself what he was doing here. He didn’t even know if Natsu was allowed visitors at the moment, let alone whether he was actually ready to see the Dragon-slayer. Whenever he tried to think about what he could say to the older teen, he found his thoughts clouded with anger, and he didn’t want to argue with Natsu. He just wanted to understand why Natsu had kept something like this secret, and why this was happening, and to Natsu of all people. His hands clenched into fists at his side as he glared at the door and he was about to turn on his heels and head back to the main hall when there was a loud crash from the other side of the door, and he froze for a moment before shoving the door and bursting in.

“Natsu-nii?!”

“Romeo…?” It was Mira that replied, looking up at him in surprise from where she was crouched on the floor picking up the remnants of what looked to have been a bowl, and he blinked at her before slowly his gaze drifted to the restless figure on the bed, and he felt the colour drain from his face.

   The Dragon-slayer hadn’t looked well the last time that he had seen him, but that was nothing compared to his current condition, and Romeo found himself stumbling back a couple of steps. _This isn’t the Natsu I know._ There seemed to be no trace left of the rambunctious Dragon-slayer that he knew left in the figure on the bed. All colour apart of an unhealthy flush gone from his face which was twisted into a distressed mask as he tossed from side to side, and he looked dwarfed by the bed, and the younger Fire mage shook his head frantically, wanting to block the image from his mind. _This isn’t Natsu_. He was so lost in his thoughts that he nearly jumped out of his skin when a gentle hand came to rest on his shoulder, and it took him a moment to focus on Mira who had moved to his side while he was distracted.

“He’s fighting and fighting hard,” Mira said softly, knowing how much of a shock it must be for him to see Natsu in his current state. It was bad enough for her, Gray and Wendy who had been constantly by his side the last few days, and the smile she had conjured for Romeo disappeared for a moment as she gazed across at Natsu. _Natsu, you have to hold on_ …Sighing as he slept onwards, unaware of their gazes although thankfully quiet for the time being, she turned back to Romeo and hesitating for a moment as she saw the conflicted expression on his face. “Can you sit with him while I get a fresh bowl of water?”

“I…”

“Please?” She could see that he wanted to refuse, but from the look on his face it was more due to fear than anger at this point, and she knew that it would do him good to realise for himself that no matter how bad things were at the moment Natsu was still with them. And it might give him a chance to get some of the anger of his chest, without risking an explosion from Natsu’s unstable magic. “He can’t be left on his own, and I think you both need this,” she added as she saw him glancing at the broken bowl in her other hand, heading off the offer to go and fetch the bowl himself, releasing his shoulder so that she could hold the pieces more easily.

“’Kay,” Romeo agreed eventually, realising from the stubborn set to her mouth that she wasn’t going to back down on this issue, although privately at least he was willing to admit that he wasn’t completely ready to leave just yet. Although as he moved closer to Natsu, and the Dragonslayer’s appearance came into even closer focus, he nearly changed his mind, swallowing nervously as he finally reached Natsu’s side only to realise that he had no idea what he was supposed to do now. “What do I do?”

“Just talk to him.”

“About what?” He asked nervously, and it hurt to realise that for the first time he really didn’t have any idea of what to say to the Dragon-slayer. It had never been a problem before, they had grown close from the moment his father had introduced him to Natsu, but the teen lying on the bed felt like a complete stranger, and everything that he had thought about maybe saying to Natsu seemed to have flown completely out of his mind.

“Whatever you want,” Mira replied. “It’s not so much what you say, just the fact that he can hear your voice is what matters. He needs to know he’s not alone.” _That we haven’t given up on him_ … Romeo gulped at her words, glancing at Natsu with worried eyes before he visibly straightened before nodding his head in acceptance, and her lips quirked up at the sight. Trusting that he would be okay for a few minutes at least she headed for the door, and when she glanced back just before slipping out of the door, it was to see that he had moved into the chair beside Natsu’s bed and was in the process of grasping one of the Dragon-slayer’s hands.

“Hey Natsu- nii,” Romeo began hesitantly, eyes crinkling in concern as he realised just how warm the hand he was holding was, and after a moment he reached out to check Natsu’s forehead as well, vaguely recalling the Dragon-slayer doing the same to him when he had been younger and sick while Natsu was babysitting him. _How things have changed…_ Blinking back sudden tears at that thought he stared at the Dragon-slayer’s face, hating the fear and pain that he could see, and missing the ever-grinning Fire mage who had charged off to find his father for him regardless of the consequences. “I miss you. I-I know that I’m the one that ran off without a word…” His father had given him grief for it, and that had been part of the reason he had gathered the courage to come and see Natsu now that he was back from his job. That and he had caught the tail-end of a conversation between Porlyusica and Lucy and Erza who were apparently still in Crocus looking for answers, warning them that Natsu did not have nearly as long as she had hoped, and hearing that had nearly broken him _. We can’t lose him…_

“I’m sorry,” he whispered miserably, squeezing Natsu’s hand in the hope of garnering some kind of reaction from the Dragon-slayer. But Natsu as contrary, as usual, seemed to have settled into a deeper sleep, although his disappointment at the lack of response was tempered by the fact that some of the lines of distress seemed to have disappeared from Natsu’s face. “I’m sorry that I shouted, and that I ran away and then took a job just to avoid you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when this happened…” Coming back to the news that Natsu had collapsed and was struggling to hold on had been a shock, and with it had come the grim realisation that this was what the future held. That unless they found a cure, the Dragon-slayer could slip away at any time. “I’m sorry…”

   If Natsu was aware of what he was saying, or that he was even there, there was no sign of it, and he faltered for a moment. ‘He needs to know he’s not alone,’ Mira’s words echoed in his mind, and he took a deep breath before continuing, it might not be much, but at least he could try and convince himself that he was doing something to help.

“I’m still mad,” he informed the unconscious Dragon-slayer, unable to keep the hurt and anger out of his voice, and torn between hoping that Natsu could hear him and hoping that he couldn’t pick up those emotions. “I don’t understand why you hid it from everyone. We might not have been able to help, but you wouldn’t have had to deal with it on your own.” While out on the job he’d had a lot more time to consider what was making him so angry about the situation, especially as he knew that Erza and the others seemed to have already moved past their anger. He was scared. He knew that much from the fear that had hit him when Makarov had told them what was happening. Scared of losing Natsu, especially after already losing seven years with him. Scared of not being able to help the Fire mage who had helped him so much in the past. Scared of having to watch him slip away. Scared that because of Natsu’s silence it might already be too late to help. “I know you must be terrified of what’s happening to you, but we’re all scared too. I’m scared…”

   He lapsed into silence again, trembling slightly as he clutched Natsu’s hand and willed the Dragon-slayer to give him some sign that he was still in there, that he really was fighting as Mira had said he was and he was still sat like that when Mira returned a few minutes later.

“Romeo?” She asked softly, setting the fresh bowl of water she was carrying on the bedside table before glancing across at him. “You’re crying…” Romeo blinked at her words, before lifting his free hand to his face, startled to feel the dampness on his cheeks. _Why am I crying? Natsu is still here. He’s still here…_ Feeling himself colouring he let go of Natsu’s hand and scrubbed fiercely at his face, mumbling an answer although his words didn’t sound convincing even to his own ears.

“I’m f-fine.”

“Romeo….”

“I…” Romeo trailed of before glancing at Natsu, stretching his hand back towards the Dragonslayer before snatching his hand back and rising from his seat. “I’m going to go and see if the others need help, but can I come and see him again?” He wasn’t convinced that he had helped in the slightest, but at least being sat here right beside Natsu allowed him to see for himself that the Fire mage was still with them.

“Of course,” Mira reassured him quickly with a smile, although her eyes were sad as she glanced at Natsu as well. “He’ll be happy to know you’re here.”

“I haven’t completely forgiven you…I won’t until we have time to talk, so you have to wake up,” Romeo murmured softly leaning in to talk to Natsu, and Mira turned away to give him the illusion of privacy although his words were easily audible. “But, I’m not as mad anymore, so I’ll be back to see you soon. Okay?” Offering her a strained smile when there was no sign of a response from Natsu he practically fled for the door, and she caught the muffled sob that slipped free just before he escaped. For a moment she was tempted to chase after him, but Natsu couldn’t be left on his own, and she was sure that someone else would notice Romeo’s distress and talk to him, and with a sigh, she turned her attention back to Natsu.

   Mira would be lying if she said that she wasn’t disappointed to find that nothing had changed during her absence, having hoped that a new voice, especially Romeo’s as she knew that Natsu had been desperate for a chance to talk to the younger Fire Mage would have managed to reach him. Still, it seemed as though leaving them alone had done some good, as she had thought that it was going to take a lot more to convince the younger Fire mage to let go of his anger towards the Dragon-slayer. Still, her smile disappeared as she settled down next to Natsu once more, dipping her cloth into a bowl and beginning to wipe down his overheated skin once more, her eyes constantly searching for any sign of awareness.

_Natsu, come back to us…_

**

_For the first time he had heard actual words, and with that clarity had come recognition. Romeo. There were tears in his eyes as he redoubled his efforts to escape the flames. He couldn’t quite remember why it was so important that he speak to the boy, but there was a longing that drove him forwards, and for the first time he felt a wavering in the flames around him._

_Please, wait for me…_

_I’m still here…_

****

Crocus, Royal Library:

  Lucy sighed and rubbed her eyes, the text she was studying beginning to blur in front of her, and reluctantly she forced herself to sit back in her seat. Every moment sat not reading felt like that they were wasting precious time and she begrudged every minute, but she also knew that she wasn’t going to do anyone any good if she collapsed from exhaustion, least of all Natsu.

_Natsu…_

_._ Her hands clenched against the spiral pad that she had been scribbling notes in all morning, blinking back the stinging in her eyes. It had been the sensible decision to stay behind and research when they’d heard Natsu had collapsed, after all, there would be little they could do back at the guild. But sitting here miles from Magnolia with only intermittent updates, none of which had been particularly promising so far was unbearable _. Natsu, you can’t give up now. Please, we just need more time…_

“Lucy?” She blinked, turning to see Erza emerging from the stacks with a large pile of books in her arms and she wanted to groan. They had already read so many, with only vague references to ‘uncontrollable magic’ none of which seemed to particularly reflect what the Dragon-slayer was going through, and the thought of facing those books and finding similar useless information was disheartening, but she knew that it was the only thing they could do for the time being. Hell, they were lucky that they had been given access to the Palace Library as it had far more books than the main library, and she wondered if Natsu had any idea of highly regarded he was by the Princess and her father. _Probably not…_

“Sorry I was just taking a breather,” she apologised as she straightened, holding her arms out to take the books from the Re-quip mage.

“Don’t apologise,” Erza replied, hesitating for a moment before setting the books down on the other side of the table and glancing across at the ornate clock above the main door. “In fact let’s go and get lunch, I think we could both do with a break from these books.”

“But…”

“We can’t read all the time, no matter how much we might want to,” Erza pointed out softly, and the expression on her face silenced Lucy’s protests as it was clear that the red-head was as unhappy about taking a break as she was. “Come on, let’s have a break and see if we can get an update from the guild.” Lucy knew that the last bit had been added to tempt her away from the library, but despite that she couldn’t help but nod in agreement, praying that there had been some change in Natsu’s condition, and not for the worst. _Please_ …Carefully marking her place in the book she had been working through she rose to her feet with a grimace, stretching out stiff muscles before silently following as Erza immediately headed off towards the exit.

_Natsu, please hold on._

****

The next day:

   Gray had been allowed back into the infirmary with a strict injunction not to use his ice unless Natsu’s temperature rose past a certain point, and the Ice mage had taken one look at Mira when he arrived before ordering her to go and get some rest before she fell down. Although it had taken him pointing out that she had done exactly the same thing to him the day before, to get her moving and he knew that she would be back far sooner than she should. Sighing he turned his attention back to Natsu, his eyes softening as he watched the Dragon-slayer mumbling something under his breath. His temperature had stayed fairly level overnight, and he seemed somewhat calmer this morning, and Gray could feel a spark of hope for the first time in days, but he was struggling to hold it back, not wanting to get too hopeful and have it backfire on him.

“Natsu…Flamebrain,” he began, hesitating for a moment before reaching out to grasp the Dragon-slayer’s hand, having long got over any embarrassment that action could cause. He wanted Natsu to know that he wasn’t on his own, that he still had something to come back to, as both he and Mira had been worried that maybe that was why he wasn’t fighting this at full strength. That maybe Natsu feared coming back to this situation. He couldn’t tell the Fire mage that everything would be back to normal, they were a long way off getting to that point if they ever could. But he could at least remind Natsu that he had a place here, no matter what limitations his condition was placing on him. “You’ve got to hurry up and come back, everyone’s worried about you and the guild isn’t the same without you.” _It’s why we can’t lose you. I can’t imagine a Fairy Tail without you. I won’t imagine a Fairy Tail without you._

   Natsu’s face remained passive, even his quiet murmuring fading away and the Ice mage let out a disappointed sigh even though he had known that it wasn’t going to be enough. After all, he had been whispering variations of those words for the past few days, but still, there was a heavy feeling in his chest as he made to lean back in his chair, only to freeze as he felt a fluttering movement on his hand. At once his gaze darted to their conjoined hands, and for a moment he wondered if he had imagined it, but no…Natsu’s fingers were shifting ever so slightly against his, and he couldn’t hold back a soft sound of excitement as he gently curled his fingers around Natsu’s and squeezed.

“Natsu? Can you hear me?”

   A soft noise that was half whine and half groan escaped the Dragon-slayer a moment later, his nose wrinkling and Gray leant forward in anticipation, squeezing his hand slightly more tightly when Natsu’s expression began to even out again. The Dragon-slayer grumbled something, moving his head restlessly from side to side, but this time Gray could see his eyes moving beneath their lids and his breath caught in his throat. _Come on Natsu, you can do it!_ It took several minutes of visible struggle before Natsu managed to force his eyes open, and even then they were barely more than slits, and the Ice mage had to swallow back a panicked cry when they slid shut a moment later, not wanting to startle his friend. Thankfully Natsu managed to force them open again a moment later, slightly wider this time, and the earlier spark of hope had become a bright flame as he watched the Dragon-slayer gazing around, even though his gaze was hazy and unfocused.

“Natsu?” Gray asked hopefully, leaning forward in an attempt to engage the searching eyes, and a smile spread across his face as Natsu’s gaze finally landed on his face although it took another moment for the olive eyes to focus properly. It was clear that the Dragon-slayer wasn’t fully with him, and it looked like he could drop off again at a moment’s notice, and he carefully kept his voice soft and slow. “You’re back? You’re really back…?” His eyes were stinging as relief flooded him, and he sniffled slightly only for Natsu’s gaze to sharpen.

“Wha…?” Natsu grimaced as the words caught in his parched throat, grimacing at the painful sensation and the Ice mage hurriedly shushed him before forming a small ice cube and rubbing it against Natsu’s lips. The Dragon-slayer hummed appreciatively at the sensation, obediently opening his mouth when Gray nudged the ice against his lips, and the Ice mage let it slid inside before sitting back and watching as Natsu slowly sucked on the cube, olive eyes blinking heavily as exhaustion pressed in on him.

   By the time he swallowed the last remnant of the cube it was clear that he was only a few moments away from falling asleep again, but he stubbornly kept his eyes open as he shifted his attention back to Gray and the Ice mage was relieved to see proper awareness in his eyes this time.

“What happened?” Natsu asked quietly, fighting back a yawn and resisting the urge to close his eyes again, aware that he would fall asleep if he did and he needed answers. He had vague recollections of being ill, but then everything seemed consumed by the memory of flames, and he knew from the fact that he was back in the infirmary and the dark bags under Gray’s eyes that it must’ve been bad and he clenched his hands nervously against the covers.

  For his part Gray hesitated, not wanting to burden Natsu with the full story of what had happened and desperately not wanting to be the one to explain what his magic had done now, and a quick glance at the Dragon-slayer showed that it was unlikely he would be able to stay awake for a long explanation at the moment. He might have been unconscious for days, but it had been anything but restful, and he could foresee a few days of Natsu being barely awake. _But he’s back…_

“You’ve had a fever for the last few days. You collapsed at home, and Happy brought you here,” Gray replied eventually, deciding that there was no point in hiding either of those points and hoping that it would satisfy Natsu’s curiosity for the time being.

   Natsu blinked as he considered Gray’s words. The Ice mage had always been better at lying than he had, but it seemed to be the truth, but at the same time, it was clear from the way the Ice mage was now avoiding his gaze that there was more to it than that and he frowned. _What are you hiding?_ Struggling to fight back the exhaustion bearing down on him he tried to take stock of how he felt. His body was hotter than normal, but that had become a common feature recently because of the flare-ups and outbursts, but there was the awful, draining feeling that came from having experienced a high fever and he shuddered as he remembered the strange semi-dreams of being engulfed by flames, wondering just how bad it had got. Dismissing that, for now, he turned his attention reluctantly to his magic, and his expression darkened as he felt it shifting just below the surface. _It feels wrong_ …He couldn’t put his finger on it, but it was different from the wrongness he had become accustomed to over the past few months, and he shifted uneasily. _What has changed?_

“Gray…?”

   Gray cursed silently as Natsu turned suddenly fearful eyes in his direction, immediately cottoning onto the fact that the Dragon-slayer had caught onto the fact that there was something worse going on, and he swallowed nervously at the pleading look he was now being sent.

“Gray, what happened?”

“I…” Gray hesitated, wondering if it would better if he fetched someone else to explain what had happened, but as he met frightened eyes, he realised that it wasn’t going to change the situation. The news wasn’t going to go down well, regardless of who said it and he sighed, before tightening his hold on Natsu’s hand, praying that he wasn’t about to make everything worse. “You know the spheres of magic that Porlyusica showed you?” That earned him a reluctant nod and a faint tremor, and he vaguely remembered the healer mentioning how much Natsu had hated seeing the physical state of his magic. “One of the spheres exploded, which is why you collapsed, and why you had a fever. Your body was acting as though you had eaten foreign magic again…” _How many times did we watch you suffer through those consequences, but never really think any more of it? It was just a part of your magic…nothing to worry about…but if we had, if we had told you to stop, maybe all of this could have been avoided._

   Natsu paled as Gray’s words settled over him, and his breath caught in his throat as panic flooded him. He knew that was a bad sign. Porlyusica had warned him that it could happen, but they were supposed to have had months or at least weeks more before that started to happen, and there were tears in his eyes as he tore his gaze away from the Ice mage. _Why? Why is this happening now_? He didn’t dare ask what the damage was, the odd feeling to his magic telling him that the bursting sphere had caused more damage than just a fever and he squeezed his eyes shut. _Why?_

“Natsu…”

“Don’t,” Natsu growled weakly, opening his eyes briefly to meet Gray’s worried gaze and he wished that he had words to reassure his friend, but it felt like the world was pressing in on him and he couldn’t even think of anything to encourage himself let alone anyone else. “Please,” he whispered before rolling onto his side, wrenching his hand free of Gray’s, and the movement taking more effort than he wanted to admit, and hot tears slipped down his cheeks as it dawned on him that this was all he had to look forward to.

   Gray felt helpless as he stared at Natsu’s back, catching the shudder that wracked the Dragon-slayer’s body and guessing that the other teen had begun to cry, reassurances dying on his tongue as he realised that they would be meaningless. _This isn’t fair, why is it him? Why is always him?_ He clenched his hands in his lap, wishing desperately that he could trade places with the Fire Mage. As much as he loved his magic, and as much as he wanted to continue to grow in the art that Ur had taught him, staring at Natsu’s back he would happily cast that aside if it would prevent the Dragon-slayer having to go through this. But that was an impossible wish, and he couldn’t shake the fear that it was just as impossible to wish for a cure, or even the time they needed to find it, and yet it felt like that there was nothing else for them to do.

_Please. Please give us the time we need._

****

That evening:

   Natsu had fallen asleep fairly soon after his conversation with Gray, the toll of hearing what was happening with his magic not helping his recovery at all, and he had spent the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep. However, even when he was awake, he refused to speak to anyone aside from Porlyusica who had come to examine him, and even then it had only been to ask in a quiet, shaky voice just how long he actually had left. Her answer that she didn’t know, but that it was significantly less than her earliest calculations, adding to the weight already bearing down on him and he had retreated even further. Not even Happy or Mira had managed to get a single word from him, and the latter had even asked Romeo to visit in the hopes that the shock of seeing the younger teen would get Natsu talking, but aside from one brief longing look the Dragon-slayer had ignored the younger Fire Mage as well.

   Therefore, it was with a great deal of trepidation that she let Freed and Levy into the infirmary later that evening during one of the brief periods of consciousness. The Dragon-slayer glanced up from the untouched plate of food that he had slowly been mutilating, listlessly studying them for a moment before looking away without a word. _What is the point?_ Part of him knew that it was exhaustion and the lingering effect of the fever making him feel like that and that he couldn’t afford to give up yet, not when his friends were trying so hard to find a cure. But it seemed harder than ever to drum up any hope in the thought of a cure being found, and for the time being, at least, he lacked the energy or willpower to even summon up a mask to show the world.

“Natsu…” 

_Go away,_ he thought with a hint of bitterness, and he was hard pressed not to growl when instead of heading his silent command the pair actually approached the bed. _Please, go away._ He knew that it wasn’t fair. That he was only worrying everyone with his behaviour, and yet at the same time he couldn’t bring himself to care, a small part of him wanting them to share in the pain he was experiencing. He was so lost in his bitter thoughts that he jumped as the tray of food was removed from his lap, and what appeared to be a metal bracelet was dropped into his lip. For a moment he blinked at it in surprise, hesitantly reaching out to brush his fingers across it easily able to pick up on the magic coming from it, and despite himself, he found himself glancing up curiously at Levy and Freed.

“What…?”

“It’s only a prototype, but it should keep your outbursts contained,” Levy explained with a weak smile, she had been unprepared for the changes that the last few days had wrought in the Dragon-slayer, and it was hard not to panic at the sight of him. Natsu blinked at her words before glancing back down at the bracelet, slowly picking it up and examining it more closely, now able to make out the runes that had been carved into the surface.

“It’s set to activate as soon as your temperature or magic levels rise past a certain point,” Freed’s voice was quiet, and there was a glimmer of concern in his eyes as he studied Natsu. But for the most part, he seemed to be looking at Natsu like normal, and that bolstered Natsu’s spirits, and he examined the runes with slightly more enthusiasm. “It creates a cage around you to keep your flames in, and it will stop anyone from getting too close until it has finished.” Natsu couldn’t stop his gaze from darting to Mira who was hovering at the end of the bed, relief flooding him at the thought that he wouldn’t be able to hurt her again.

“Thank you…” He whispered as his fingers tightened around the bracelet. It was only a small thing, barely a half-step forwards, but just the thought that his friends would be safe from his wayward magic was enough to lighten the crushing weight that had was bearing down on him. Sniffling slightly, he lifted his head to look at them. He hadn’t missed Levy’s warning that it was a prototype or the fact that, that meant it might not work perfectly to start with, but it didn’t matter at the moment. All that mattered was that they had given him something that would allow a little more normality back into his life, and there were tears in the corners of his eyes even as his lips quirked into a weak imitation of his old smile. “Thank you….”


	22. Chapter 22

 

   Mira sighed as she glanced across at where Natsu was hiding in a booth on the far side of the guild, chasing anyone who tried to sit with him away with a few sharp words. Romeo had been the only one to escape his tongue, but even he hadn’t stayed long as although the Dragon-slayer hadn’t chased him away he hadn’t really been willing to try and maintain a conversation with the younger boy. _He’s moping._ She knew that he had a good reason, the time hanging over their heads had just got a lot shorter and the fact that they didn’t have exact time was weighing on all of them, and while he had been out of the infirmary for a few days now he wasn’t entirely back to rights. Frequently falling asleep without warning and running an almost constant low-grade fever, but it was more than that. He was beginning to give up, and she wasn’t about to let that happen.

   The bracelet Freed and Levy had made for him had proved to be a partial success. It had ended up having a trial run the first day that the Dragon-slayer had been allowed back down into the main guild, having the rest of the guild pressing around him and trying to find out how he was doing when he was already on edge had sent him spiralling into an outburst. It hadn’t been as strong as the previous ones, and the rune cage had done its job, sealing the flames in and forcing everyone else away. Something Mira and Gray had hated as they had been forced to listen to Natsu crying out without being able to reach him, but they had to admit it had been worth it when they caught the relieved expression on the Dragon-slayer’s face when he’d realised no one else had been hurt. Although he hadn’t been happy to see the scorch mark he’d left behind even when they pointed out he’d done far worse with all the brawls he started. However, the bracelet itself hadn’t survived the outburst, falling away in melted fragments the moment the rune cage dissipated.

   The pair were currently trying to find a way to strengthen it, and in the meantime, they had made a pile of the weaker ones so that Natsu didn’t have to worry as much about his outbursts. Mira had hoped that that success would cheer him up, but while he was relieved, he hadn’t even managed a half smile before slipping away.

“Jewel for your thoughts?” Gray asked as he dropped into the stool in front of her and she blinked at him, derailed from her thoughts as she took in the dark shadows under his eyes. The Ice mage had been alternating between trying to spend time with Natsu, not easy given his current mood and helping to research in the library although they had pretty much exhausted their own resources by this point. And Porlyusica along with Alzack and Bisca who had volunteered to help had already returned to join the rest of his teammates in Crocus, leaving Wendy in charge of dealing with any medical crisis…much to the youngest Dragon-slayer’s dismay, although she had made so many notes while the older healer had been here that they knew she was just about prepared for anything.

“Just a Jewel?” Mira teased weakly, although her attempt at a smile fell flat and she sighed as he shot her a knowing look. “I’m worried about Natsu, it’s almost like…”

"He’s giving up…” Gray finished grimly, tilting his head so that he could shoot a glance towards the Fire mage, not liking the blank stare Natsu was giving the job board. He knew that part of the problem was related to that. Natsu wasn’t meant to be cooped up, and he wasn’t even allowed to help out at the guild until his fever had gone completely as Makarov was determined to delay any further rupturing of his magic for as long as possible. “I can’t really blame him…” In all honesty, he had a feeling that if he had been in Natsu’s shoes, he would have fallen apart completely a long time before, but that didn’t make it any easier to watch, and Mira nodded silently as watched as an abnormally sober Cana cautiously tried to approach the Dragon-slayer. The flinch and defeated expression that appeared at whatever he had said to her was the final straw and Mira drew herself up to her full height, a little of her magic seeping through as she narrowed her eyes and Gray tensed, knowing from experience that it was best not to get in her way when she was like that.

“That is is…” Mira hissed, although she wasn’t really angry. It was impossible for her to be properly angry with Natsu at the moment, but it was easier to turn her fear to anger, although she did take a deep breath as she turned to Gray. “Can you contact Lucy and Erza and ask them to come home?”

“But…”

“Ask Porlyusica if she wants us to send more help to replace them. I’m sure there are plenty of people who want to help,” Mira cut across him, knowing that he was worried about taking the girls away from their research, and she was fully aware that most of the guild had been badgering both Makarov and Porlyusica for ways in which they could help the Fire Mage. “But we need them back here.”

“What are you thinking?”

“Normality,” Mira murmured, knowing that this latest incident and the fact that he wasn’t even able to work for the time being had taken even more of that away from Natsu. She might not be able to give it all back to him, but the idea that had sparked at the sight of him staring at the job board would hopefully let him regain a little normality _._ _I hope…_ She knew that given his current mood it might be harder to convince him than necessary. “And a little bit of freedom. I’ll need to speak to Porlyusica later to make sure it’ll be fine, but I’ll be damned if I let Natsu stay as he is at the moment.” Gray’s eyes narrowed as he studied her, once again catching a glimpse of the emotion behind her actions. Something more than friendship, and he opened his mouth to comment before snapping it shut, _what does it matter? As long as it helps Natsu?_ Mira had caught the action but misinterpreted it, thinking that he just wanted to know what she was planning, and she hastily headed off the questions. “I’ll explain later; I need to talk to our stubborn Dragon-slayer first.”

“All right,” Gray agreed hesitantly, realising that she really wasn’t to tell him anything more at the moment, and while he wished that he knew exactly what she had in mind, he had no hesitations in trusting her, and he pushed himself back to his feet. “Don’t let him push you away,” he added softly. So far they had largely been exempt from the sharper edge of Natsu’s tongue, but then they hadn’t been forcing the issue, and he wasn’t sure that Natsu was in any state not to say something he would later regret to Mira if he felt she was pushing too much.

“It will take a lot more than that to chase me off,” Mira promised with a small smile, and a sigh he nodded, murmuring a quiet ‘’good luck’ before heading off to commandeer the communication orb from Gramps, hoping that this wasn’t going to backfire on them. The Take-over mage waited until he had disappeared before turning and calling to the other girl working at the opposite end of the bar. “Kinana can you watch the bar for me? I’ll be a couple of hours, but I’m sure Lisanna or Elfman will help if it gets too busy.” Kinana quickly agreed after a quick glance towards Natsu, reinforcing the fact that everyone in the guild was worried about the Fire Mage, and with a smile of thanks Mira squared her shoulders and stepped out from behind the bar.

_Natsu, this has got to stop…_

**

   Natsu knew that he was being unreasonable, and there was a flicker of guilt every time he spat out words he didn’t really mean. But he didn’t know how to deal with their kindness at the moment, not when it felt like everything was falling apart on him. His expression darkened as his eyes darted to the bracelet on his wrist, even that safety net only eased his concerns a little, although he was relieved that the others were safe. For now, because Freed had admitted that it would probably need constant adjusting as his magic destabilised further. Sighing he buried his head in his arms, hating the feel of the concerned looks that he could feel being thrown in his direction, closing his eyes as he tried to block out worried whispers he could hear and the feel of his magic stirring uneasily under the surface. It hadn’t been still once since the sphere had shattered.

_I’m scared,_ It had been bad enough before, but at least then he’d had the hope that it would take longer to reach this stage, but he had seen the fear in Porlyusica’s eyes when she’d spoken to him before leaving for Crocus once more. Time wasn’t on his side, and for once he was finding it impossible to summon up his usual faith in his guild’s ability to find a last-minute miracle. If anything he was finding more painful than anything to watch his friend’s frantically trying to find an answer, and deep down he realised that he had already accepted that they weren’t going to find anything.

_When did I give up?_

“Natsu?” The sudden voice made him jump, and his head shot up with angry words already on the edge of his tongue, only to falter as he found himself staring into worried blue eyes. Swallowing he forced the words back, so far he hadn’t been able to bring himself to snap at her, Happy or Gray and he was determined not to start now. Although he couldn’t stop himself from flinching out of reach when she moved to rest a hand on her shoulder, glancing aside when he caught the hint of hurt that had appeared in response to his reaction.

“Mira?”

“Come on,” Mira’s voice was as warm as ever, and as he forced himself to meet her gaze once more, he was stunned to find a smile on her lips as she held a hand out towards him.

“What?” He asked.

“We’re going for a walk,” Mira explained with a smile, although it dulled at the edges as the spark of interest that had appeared at her approach disappeared, the Dragon-slayer frowning slightly as he began to shake his head. _I knew he wasn’t going to make it easy for me…_

“But…”

“Don’t 'but' me!” Mira cut him off, a hint of steel entering her voice as her expression darkened briefly, and Natsu blinked up at her. It had been a long time since she had turned that particular face on him, and he felt the old, childhood fear flickering to life for a moment, although it faded as he caught the concern behind the spark of anger. “You’re not sitting here moping all day.”

“Mira…” _I’m not moping…I have every right to mope…I don’t want to go out…His_ thoughts were whirling, and he couldn’t keep the edge of pleading out of his voice. He didn’t trust himself not to snap at her at the moment, and if it were just the two of them, there would be nothing to distract him or shield her from his current mood. _I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have…_

“Now!”

   Natsu blinked at the sharpness of the command, and for a moment he contemplated seeing how far he could push her. But his magic was beginning to shift as he grew more agitated, and he could see the stubbornness that she was infamous for in the blue eyes boring into his own and after a moment he let out a defeated sigh. _One day I will say no to her…_ A bitter laugh tried to well up at that thought. _One day huh?_ But he forced it aside, hesitating for a moment before accepting the hand that she was holding out to him and he could have sworn that he heard a collective sigh of relief from their guildmates who were blatantly trying to pretend that they weren’t paying attention when he glanced around at them with narrowed eyes.

“Ignore them,” Mira told him, her voice soft once more, barely able to hide her relief as she pulled him to her feet. As confident as she had pretended to be when talking to Gray, she had known that there was no guarantee that the Dragon-slayer was actually going to listen to her in his current mood. She could feel the faint tremors wracking his body, and she studied him for a moment before deciding to ignore it, for the time being. Aware that he would probably shut down again if she started flapping around him, besides she had no intention of letting him out of sight for the time being so if something did happen she was going to be there. “Come on,” she added, shifting her grip on his hand but refusing to let go even as she caught him glancing down at their joined hands, tugging him towards the door, hoping that her plan wasn’t going to backfire completely.

_Please don’t shut me out Natsu…_

****

  Notes, notes and more notes. Lucy sighed as she glowered down at the piles of papers covering their table, there was barely any of the wood beneath showing through anymore, and yet the best they had been able to find was more vague references. Although Porlyusica had found a mention of a mage with conflicting magics buried in an old diary from the Royal Infirmary and she had disappeared to try and see if there were any more records on the matter. It was the only bright spark on the horizon at the moment, and the slog of researching with little success was beginning to get to both her and Erza, but they didn’t dare slacken in their efforts especially when the healer had given them a detailed account of what had happened to the Dragon-slayer in their absence.

_Natsu…_

    It had been painful enough when her mother had become ill and slowly faded away in front of her eyes, but somehow, it was even worse knowing that it was happening to her best friend. _Natsu, why is it always you?_

“Lucy…?”

“Sorry,” the Celestial mage forced a weak smile as she glanced across at Erza, unsurprised to find an understanding expression on the red-head’s face, well aware that the Re-quip mage had been making good use of the Palace practice grounds in the evenings to try and vent the same frustration that was haunting her thoughts. “I…” She trailed off as the communication lacrima that they had taken to keeping with them at all times lit up, the guild mark floating in the centre, and quickly checking that they were the only ones in the library at the moment she launched herself at it and accepted the call, blinking as Gray’s face came into focus.

“Gray?” Erza asked before Lucy could, not liking the worried expression on the Ice mage’s face, and she couldn’t keep the anxiety out of her voice as she leaned closer. “Has something else happened?” They knew that they had made the best decision remaining behind to research, but hearing just how bad things had been had made it hard to fully believe that, and she wasn’t sure that either she or Lucy would be able to stay away if something else had happened.

“Nothing new,” Gray hastily assured them, and they both relaxed minutely as they knew that he would have told them if there had been the slightest turn for the worse. “Mira wants you two to come back, we need some help with Natsu…”

“Why?” Lucy asked.

“He…It’s like he’s giving up,” Gray replied hesitantly, his expression showing his dismay at his own words and the girls exchanged worried looks. They had only spoken briefly with Natsu a couple of days ago, and that was because they had refused to hang up until he spoke to them, needing to see for themselves that he was up and about. But since then he had always managed to avoid their calls. It had worried them, but they hadn’t thought it was that serious and yet they couldn’t bring themselves to doubt the Ice mage when he looked so grim.

“But…” Lucy whispered. _Natsu never gives up…_

“He wasn’t really dealing with it before, and this latest downturn…” Gray shook his head with a sigh, still unable to shake the sight of what Natsu’s magic now look like. In a way, he wished that he had never seen it, although it certainly had been effective at cutting through the last few denials he had been clinging to. _Which I kind of needed…_ Pushing those thoughts aside, for the time being, he refocused on the purpose of his call. “I’m not sure what she has planned, but she seems to be the best at knowing what he needs at the moment.”

“What about the research? We can’t afford to stop now,” Erza pointed out, worrying her bottom lip as she glanced around at their messy table. Part of her just wanted to push it all aside and go home, well aware that they might be throwing away precious time with Natsu, but at the same time if they left now their research as fruitless as it had been so far would slow down. Alzack and Bisca were helping, currently asking around the local clinics to see if they had any useful information, but that alone wouldn’t be enough.

“There are plenty of volunteers here,” Gray pointed out, knowing that the Take-over mage had been right about that at least, he’d lost track of the number of people who had stopped by the infirmary just after Natsu had woken, asking what they could do to help. Seeing that Erza was still hesitating, he added quietly. “Mira said that she would speak to Porlyusica later, something about checking that her idea is okay, but…” _We’re wasting precious time…_

“We’ll talk to her when she gets back,” Lucy said firmly, brown eyes hard as she glanced up at Erza and the red-head’s protest died on her lips, not that she really disagreed with what the Celestial mage had said. “If she’s agreeable we’ll try and get a train back this afternoon.” _Natsu._ As much as she wanted to help find a cure, she knew that wasn’t the only thing the Dragon-slayer needed at the moment, and as long as the research didn’t falter, she would rather be with her best friend. _Just in case,_ she hated that thought, but it had been growing stronger and stronger as they continued to run into dead ends.

“Thank you,” Gray replied unable to hide his relief, while he and Natsu were close, and things seemed to be back to normal…ish…between them, he knew that Lucy and Erza might have a better chance at getting through to the Flamebrain, and right now that was all that he cared about.

“We’d best get back to work for now,” Erza replied, brushing aside the thanks with a small smile, gesturing at their work before adding softly. “We’ll call you once we’ve spoken to her.” As worried as she was at the thought of their research slowing down, she couldn’t deny the fact that the thought of going home was rapidly dominating her thoughts.

“Okay,” Gray agreed softly, knowing from her expression what the answer would be, but realising that it was probably safer to humour her for the time being. “Speak to you later.” With murmured farewells the girls cut off the lacrima call, sharing determined looks before turning back to their research with fresh energy, both hoping that Porlyusica would be back sooner rather than later.

_Natsu, don’t you dare give up…._

****

   Natsu was quiet as she led him through the street, but Mira ignored the silence as she gently pulled him along, relieved to just have him out of the guild for a while. His hand was warm in hers, and she felt her cheeks heating up slightly as she glanced down at them, but she didn’t let go. This was solid and real, and that meant he was still here. She just hoped that her words would be enough to stop him slipping away, although she wasn’t naïve enough to believe that even if she got through him to him today, that this wouldn’t happen again. She knew that as things got worse, it was going to be harder, and all thoughts of blushing vanished as she blinked back sudden tears. _Natsu…_

   By the time they arrived at their destination, she had got her emotions back under control, for now at least, well aware that at least one of them needed to be relatively calm to start with. The small park on the eastern side of Magnolia had a special history for the pair of them, and she hoped that he hadn’t forgotten, although, from the soft intake of breath as she led him in through the side gate, he hadn’t. Squeezing his hand encouragingly when he tried to falter, a quick glance at his face telling her that he wasn’t halting for his own sake but for her’s, and she shot him a smile before urging him onwards, relieved when he relented and followed her, although his fingers were now tight around her hand.

   Unerringly she led him to the far corner, only this time she was the one that faltered as her gaze that fell on the isolated oak tree that she was aiming for. _How long has it been?_ Taking a deep breath, she moved forwards before he could even suggest going back, shooting him a reassuring look as she caught the worried expression that flickered across his face for a moment. _Good, you’re still in there…_ The glimpse of emotion after the blankness and anger of the last few days was a relief, and it gave her fresh confidence that this might work. Reaching the tree, she gently tugged him down until they were both settled on the grass, waiting for him to try and pull back now that they were settled, but while his hand had relaxed around hers he made no move to escape, and she took that as another encouraging sign. _Thank you for giving me a chance…_

“Why are we here?” Natsu asked softly after a few minutes of silence, wariness and exhaustion dogging his voice, but it was a welcome break from the sharpness of earlier. She could feel that his tremors had increased somewhat, although his magic seemed to have settled down for the time being, and a quick glance showed that the walk had taken more out of him that she had thought it would. Apparently, he was still feeling worse than he had been letting on and she had to bite back the urge to scold him, instead mentally revising the timeline for her plans, even as she contemplated how to start the conversation they needed to have.

   Natsu was about to nudge her, wondering what was taking her so long to reply, but when he glanced up there was a distant expression on her face, and he found himself unable to press the issue, instead turning his gaze to the grass below him. He had avoided this park for years, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about being back here now, and part of him wished that he had just refused to leave the guild. Yet as her fingers tightened against his hand, he knew that never would have happened.

“It doesn’t matter how much it hurts right now. If you let that pain stop you here, then you’re never going to move forward, and isn’t that a waste?” Natsu blinked as the familiar words washed over him, a dull ache in his chest as he slowly lifted his head to stare at her with wide eyes, seeing the shadow of past pain that had appeared briefly in her eyes. He knew those words. He had said those words once upon a time, but how long had it been since he’d thought about them?

“Those…”

“Are the words a certain somebody said to me years ago in this very spot,” Mira’s smile was soft with an underlying sadness, although the pain that had been overwhelming her back then was nothing but a memory now, it was a memory that she would never be able to think. Gently squeezing his hand, she continued quietly. “They seem just appropriate now as they did back then, don’t you think?”

“But…” Natsu whispered. “You remembered?”

“I never forgot,” Mira replied, glancing up at the sky. It had been similar weather that day as well. She had run out here, needing to get away from Elfman and the sympathetic gazes from the rest of the guild, wanting nothing more than to lose herself in the pain of having lost Lisanna. Natsu had been the one to track her down, refusing to leave even when she screamed at him. Even when she lashed out at him in anger, bruising his face and bloodying his lip. Instead, he had forced his way in, wrapping his arms around her and waiting for her to exhaust her anger and tears before speaking to her in a gentle voice that she had never even known he was capable of. “It was those words and the ones that came after that made me face up to the fact that I was actually giving up. That I was wasting the life, I still had, and that Lisanna would’ve wanted me to have.” It had been painful to hear, and she had wanted to hate him for saying it, but somehow those words had seeped in whereas no one else’s had, and while it had been difficult she had slowly found a way to move forward. _That’s what you gave me, and that’s what I’m going to give you now…_

“I…”

“It’s different,” she couldn’t deny that. Lisanna’s supposed death had been sudden and shocking and had shattered their hearts. This situation was just as shocking, but it was slow and drawn out and promised in a way to be even more painful in the long run, and her hand trembled against his at that thought. “It’s different, but at the same time, it isn’t.”

“But…”

“You’re giving up.” It hurt to hear her put it so bluntly, to hear it voiced aloud outside of his own mind and he couldn’t stop himself from flinching at the words, yanking his hand out of hers as he drew in on himself. “You’re giving up…”

“Stop…”

“No,” Mira’s voice was soft but firm, although it was hard to maintain her calm façade when he glanced at her with pained olive eyes.  “You need to hear this, same as I needed those words back then. I was giving up, just like you I couldn’t see a way forward even though it was right in front of me. I needed someone else to show me that it was still there, and you were the one that showed it to me.”

“I don’t have a way forward!” Natsu spat at her, shrinking back slightly as he felt his magic flaring just below the surface, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “I appreciate the thought, but I…I don’t have a path forward, while you did.” He remembered how much it had hurt to watch her and Elfman slowly destroying themselves over what was happening, but the latter had begun to pull himself back to his feet for Mira’s sake, but Mira…Mira had been lost, and he hadn’t been able to bear the sight. That was why he had chased her down, why he had fought so hard to get her moving forward. _But this…this is too different…_

“Why don’t you?” Mira demanded, ignoring the way he shrank away as she reached out to reclaim his hand, meeting his gaze without hesitation as she entwined their fingers. “Why can’t you move forward?”

“I…” _How can you ask me that?_

“Because you took a turn for the worse? Because it happened sooner than expected?” She continued, not giving him a chance to get lost in his own doubts and fears, blue eyes blazing as she met his shocked gaze, her voice softening slightly. “Those are setbacks, but they’re not the end.” She adamantly refused to acknowledge the small voice in the back of her mind that was whispering that it might be. That there really might not be a way forward, because if she started to think like that, then it really would be over as Natsu needed other people to see the future while he couldn’t.

“But…”

“It’s only the end if you give up!” Mira cut across him, and Natsu blinked at her _. It’s only the end if you give up...?_ Deep down he knew that was what he had been doing the last few days, and what a small part of him had been doing from the moment Porlyusica had told him what was going on. _But how can I not give up now?_ Mira was still speaking, and despite his thoughts, he found himself clinging to her words. “The Natsu I know. The one I grew up with, and the one that dragged me forwards back then. The Natsu who has dragged nearly everyone in Fairy Tail off their knees at some point would remember that! He wouldn’t give in because of something like this!”

“But…”

“You’re scared?” She asked gently, and he blinked before nodding. _I’m scared, no I’m terrified_ … “Of course you are, we all are. You’re not alone in that.” You’re never going to be alone in that, even those in the guild who weren’t as close to the Dragon-slayer were affected by what was going on. “But that isn’t a bad thing. Gildarts told you that right? That fear isn’t evil?” She had been curious to know how he had gotten past the Crash mage during the aborted exam, and she had given in to that curiosity on the journey home, and he had haltingly admitted to what had happened. And she knew that he had never forgotten those words, although, from the somewhat stunned expression on his face, it hadn’t occurred to him that, that applied to this as well as fights.

_Fear isn’t evil? It’s only the end if you give up!_ Natsu blinked, his eyes beginning to sting as her words settled around him like a warm blanket. It wasn’t that they were driving out his doubts and fears, or the growing belief that time was going to run out before a cure was found if there was even one to be found. He wasn’t able to bring himself to believe that they could ever truly disappear at his point, they were too imprinted on his mind. Instead, it felt like her words were forming a buffer between them and him. They were still there but muted, and he couldn’t stop the small, hiccupping sob that slipped free.

“Mira…” He choked up, not even sure what he was trying to say, and he was relieved when Mira immediately closed the short distance between them, wrapping her arms around him just before he broke down in shuddering sobs, burying his face against her shoulder. “Mira…”

   Mira didn’t speak as she pulled him into a tight hug, knowing that words weren’t needed at the moment and instead beginning to card her fingers through the bottom of his hair. She had known that this was going to happen at some point. In all honesty, she had expected it when Gray had been forced to tell him what had caused his collapse, or when Porlyusica had answered his questions, but the idiot had bottled it up completely, and she knew that had added to his attitude over the last few days. She still wasn’t convinced that he had fully heard and understood her words, but at the moment she would take this step forward for what it was.

**

   Unsurprisingly it had taken him a long time to cry himself out completely, eventually slumping against her in exhaustion when his sobs had been reduced to the odd hiccup and sniffle, completely pliant as she shifted him until he was laid with his head resting in her lap. Even though she knew that he had needed that outlet it still hurt to see the tears staining his cheeks, and with the hand that wasn’t once more caught up with his, she gently brushed away as much as the evidence as she could.

“Mira…”

“Hmm?” She hummed softly, pausing in her ministrations, surprised that he had found his voice again so quickly and tilting her head curiously when he stared up at her for a long moment.

“It’s not that easy…”

“I know,” Mira reassured him softly. _It’s not that easy to keep going, to not lose hope…_ She remembered snarling those words at him more than once, faltering as she tried to get back on her feet, but he had never flinched away, quietly pushing her forwards. “I know, and that’s okay. I’m here. Happy’s here…Gray’s here…the whole guild is behind you on this, we’ll push you forward if that’s what you need.” _We’ll catch you when you fall as well…_

“I’m sorry…” Natsu whispered after a moment, fresh tears stinging his eyes as he realised that she meant every word she had just said, including the unspoken ones that he could feel hanging in the air. _How did I forget that…?_ He knew all that. The guild had more than proved that in the past, and more recently when they had rallied around him despite his secrecy, yet he hadn’t been able to see it past the fear and doubts cluttering his thoughts. _But, it might not be enough_ …He shook his head, not wanting to let the thoughts seep in again, not with Mira smiling down at him with warm eyes, her fingers gentle as she toyed with his hair. “I…it was too much…too soon.” _It still is…_

“Don’t apologise,” she scolded gently, although she was unsurprised at his words, well aware that he hated worrying them at the best of times, tugging softly at a lock of hair to make sure he was paying attention before she continued. “We knew that that’s why we waited and gave you some time, but we weren’t about to let you give up completely.”

“We?”

“Gray’s helping me.”

“Helping you with what?” Natsu asked with a frown, eyes narrowing as he caught the hint of mischief behind the smile that met his question. “Mira?”

“It’s a surprise, I can’t tell you more until I finish sorting everything out,” Mira replied, struggling not to giggle at the childish scowl that met her answer, reaching down and gently wiping the tears away that had escaped during his apology. _Natsu, I knew you were still in there_. Part of her wanted to just tell him her plans, but she knew from experience that nothing motivated him like having a secret to unearth, remembering how as children they would pretend to be hiding something just to wind him up. However, she hesitated for a moment, before taking on a slightly sterner countenance. “But, it’s one you only get if you promise me something…”

“What?” Natsu asked.

“I would like to say promise me that you won’t give up until the end,” Mira admitted, resting a finger against his lips to stop the protest that she could see welling up, and she was quick to reassure him. “But, I know that’s not fair.” The Dragon-slayer relaxed a tiny bit at the easy reassurance, although there was still a hint of wariness in the olive eyes watching every shift in her expression. “Just promise me that if you feel like your waving, you’ll come and talk to me or Gray…or just someone. Please?” Personally, she wished that she could demand that he always came to her, but she knew that wasn’t fair on either him or his teammates, or the rest of their family who desperately wanted to help, and as long as he spoke to someone, it didn’t really matter.

   Natsu hesitated for a moment, well aware that it was another promise designed to stop him from hiding things. But he also couldn’t deny how much better he felt after Mira’s efforts, even with the lingering doubts and fears at the back of his mind. And so with a sigh, he nodded, deciding that it was worth it when her face lit up with a bright smile, and he felt himself blushing a moment later when she lent down and pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“Thank you.” Her own cheeks were pink when she pulled back, wishing that she could fully express the relief that had flooded her when he agreed to her request, having feared that maybe she had pushed too far when he hesitated. There was a warm feeling in her chest as he stared up at her, his own cheeks twice as red as her own, but she tensed when she caught the glint that had suddenly surfaced in his eyes, and she barely managed to stifle a groan at his next question. _Maybe some things were better kept as secrets…._

“So what’s this surprise?”


	23. Chapter 23

 

    Mira had always known that there were going to be some obstacles to her idea, but what she hadn’t been expecting was for the most vocal arguments to be coming from Natsu’s teammates, or more specifically Erza and Lucy. The pair had made it back to the guild in record time, while a small group including in Macao and Romeo had gone to join Porlyusica to make sure that the research didn’t falter, however, she was beginning to regret trying to involve them as they had erupted the moment she had outlined her idea. Gray was just as worried as they were, but he wasn’t going to argue after seeing the marked improvement in Natsu’s behaviour since she’d pulled the Dragon-slayer aside a few days ago, and Wendy had already agreed with the plan after hearing that Porlyusica had approved it as long as they took some precautions. Erza was currently staring at her as though she had developed two heads, and Mira sighed and crossed her arms as she watched armoured hands clenching against the table and her voice was little more than a growl as she asked.

“Are you out of your mind? He…”

“Needs some normality,” Mira cut across her, not about to let her get into her stride as she knew from experience just how stubborn the red-head could be. Her eyes hardened as she let her gaze settle on the pair, before forcing herself to calm down a little. She didn’t want this to turn into a proper argument, especially as she knew that Natsu would immediately notice any tension and that the idiot would probably blame himself. “It’s not like I’m proposing he does the jobs, there are more than enough of us to take care of that. But being cooped up in the guild isn’t good for him, and all its doing is pushing him closer to more outbursts.” Natsu’s mood had improved since their talk, but it was still fluctuating more than normal, and she knew that the wariness that people were showing around him was only pushing him back towards the edge. _I won’t let him fall again_ …

“But…” Lucy was slightly calmer in her protests, glancing warily at Erza for a moment before refocusing on Mira. “What if he collapses again? Or the bracelet doesn’t hold in an outburst?” She had been shocked by the changes in her best friend when they had seen him earlier, not missing the fact that even though the fever was gone, he was still slightly shaky and she had seen Happy herding him off for a nap just before Mira had dragged them all away for a meeting. _If he’s like that in the safety of the guild_ …She couldn’t argue with Mira’s claim that the Fire mage needed some normality, and it was easy to see the longing in his eyes as he watched people taking jobs off the board, but she wasn’t willing to risk his safety just for that.

“That’s why Wendy is coming with us,” Mira gestured towards Wendy who looked a little bit worried about being pulled into the spotlight, her hands tightening around the book she was halfheartedly trying to read in an attempt to avoid the arguing. “And we’re taking precautions.” Porlyusica had given them a list of medicines they could take that would hopefully help to deal with any symptoms that popped up, and Levy and Freed were working on creating a pile of the bracelets for them so that Natsu would be protected until they found a more permanent design. And Gray had been the one to insist that she go with them, even though her plan had initially been for it to be a trip for their team, pointing out that she could keep him company if they were working and that she was probably the only one the idiot would listen to.

“It’s too risky,” Erza muttered, although not as fiercely before as she realised that this wasn’t just a wild idea that had been plucked out of the air. Still, things were going downhill faster than they’d expected, what was to stop something from happening in the next couple of weeks. At least here they had the entire guild to support them even if there was nothing magic could do at the moment if they were out and travelling there was too much risk of something going wrong far away from help. “It’s much too risky.”

“I don’t think so,” Gray disagreed softly as he finally stepped in, wincing as Erza immediately turned to him with dark eyes, but he wasn’t about to back down. _Natsu needs this_ …Taking a deep breath he moved forwards to stand beside Mira who shot him a grateful smile, and he quirked his lips in response although he didn’t dare take his eyes off the Requip mage.

“Gray?”

“You weren’t here,” He replied softly, sharing a look with Mira. It had been a relief when she had brought Natsu back to the guild the other afternoon, the Dragon-slayer had visibly looked brighter although he hadn’t missed the fact that Natsu had been crying at some point. Since then he had seen Mira cheer his friend up half a dozen times when his mood threatened to slip backwards, the Dragon-slayer had been more willing to listen to him too. But it had been Mira who could instantly turn his mood around, and he knew that part of that had been because she had been teasing him with hints about this trip and he desperately didn’t want to take that away from Natsu. “He was a mess. Hell, he probably still is, but he’s trying to move forward and staying in the guild with nothing to do is only going to end up being a setback.” _We can’t let that happen…_

“If he’s not fit to work in the bar, what makes you think he’s all right to travel?”

“The Master is worried about him getting too stressed so soon after that last outburst,” Mira replied calmly, although inside she was fighting the urge to shout at the red-head. She could understand her doubting her words, after all, she wasn’t part of their team, and it was only because of recent events that she had been able to spend so much time with the Dragon-slayer, but if Gray could see how much Natsu needed this, why couldn’t they listen to him? Sighing she took a deep breath, unable to keep the sharp edge out of her voice as she met Erza’s gaze. “Travelling with you guys is something that makes him happy, and will hopefully not be stressful. Are you intending on making him stay here all the time?”

“But…” Erza’s protest was cut off by the sound of the door opening, and they all turned to find Natsu peering inside, looking somewhat nervous as he caught the obvious tension in the air. “Natsu…”

“Hi…”

****

A few minutes earlier:

   Natsu sighed as he sat up, rubbing a hand across his eyes, irritated that he had actually fallen asleep after protesting that he wasn’t tired when Happy had forced him to come upstairs and lie down _. I shouldn’t be this tired…_ The fever had finally vanished, and his magic seemed to have settled down for the time being, and while his doubts were still simmering below the surface, he felt better than he had. But he could feel the difference, although he hadn’t been able to bring himself to say that to Mira. He knew that she was worried about him, and he didn’t want her to realise just how much this was affecting him even if he had promised not to hide things. _She knows the most important stuff anyway,_ there was no way she would see it that way, but he was going to go with that rationale for now. _I can’t focus on it. Otherwise, I will end up thinking the worst…_

   Yawning he glanced around, surprised to find that his partner had taken off on him as he couldn’t remember the last time he had been left entirely alone, although the bracelet on his wrist might explain the change. It wasn’t strong enough to survive an outburst, but just the fact that it seemed to do the job other than that seemed to have taken a weight off of everyone. _They really were scared of what could happen…what I could do_. He scowled as he ran a finger over the band. It felt reassuring to have it there, and he knew that he needed to make sure that Levy and Freed knew that, even though he had been warned that it might not be enough if, or rather when another sphere broke. _How long do I have…?_ Feeling the familiar gloom settling over him he pushed the covers off, wondering how he had missed Happy tucking him, and rising to his feet. _Mira… Gray…_ As much as he hated to admit it, he needed their help to keep the gloom at bay and taking a deep breath he headed for the door intent on finding them.

_I can’t do this on my own…_

**

  He had been somewhat surprised to find that they weren’t in the main guild, but thankfully Lisanna had spotted them heading upstairs towards one of the meeting rooms with the rest of their teammates. _What are they up to?_ He knew it was foolish, especially after his own actions with regards to keeping his condition secret, but the thought of them discussing the situation without him set his teeth on edge, and he barely remembered to thank the Take-over mage before heading back up the stairs. _Have they found something?_ As much as he kept trying to suppress the hope, terrified that it would make it all the worse if they finally realised there really wasn’t anything they could do to help him, he couldn’t hold it at bay.

_I want them to find a cure…_

   Natsu found himself coming to a halt when that thought registered _. I want them to find a cure…_ It was a stupid thought, but he realised that at some point he had forbidden himself from thinking it, and he blinked as he felt his eyes beginning to sting, but there was no taking it back now, and he didn’t want to. _I want them to find a cure._ Taking a deep breath, he let that thought sink deeper, determined to tell Mira about his realisation, well aware that was one of her biggest fears. After all, she had been the one to point out that he was giving up, and while he hadn’t been able to argue, he hadn’t realised how right she was. _I want to tell her, and reassure her it’s not true…_ Sniffing the air, he followed the trail of familiar scents down the corridor to the far room, eyes narrowing in suspicion as he wondered why on earth they had gone for the furthest room _. What are they up to?_

   He raised his hand to knock as he reached the door, feeling suddenly uneasy at the thought of just barging in, but he froze mid-movement as he heard Mira’s voice ring out, sounding far sterner than he had heard it in a long while.

“Are you intending on making him stay here all the time?” _Him? Does she mean me?_ An icy feeling settled in his stomach at the thought they had really been talking about him, as well as the question/ _Isn’t that the only choice now?_ As much as he hated to admit it, he knew that it was safest for him to stay close to the guild…

“But…” He winced as he caught the annoyance in Erza’s voice, and he shoved the door open without thinking, determined to protect Mira from the tongue lashing he imagined was about to be unleashed. Only to come to a halt a few steps in when he caught the awkward silence that had fallen at his appearance. _Oops…_

"Hi..." He glanced around, taking in the strained expressions and noting the pile of notes on the table in front of them. _What are they up to?_ “Am I interrupting?” Natsu asked uncertainly, flicking a nervous glance towards Erza who had a fierce scowl on her face, however, it disappeared a moment later when she caught his gaze. Still wondering what was going on he slipped further into the room, turning his gaze towards Gray and Mira, trusting that they would explain.

   Mira hesitated for a moment, glancing around at the others, aware that they hadn’t really resolved anything but unwilling to hide anything from the Dragon-slayer, especially as she caught the increasingly nervous expression on his face. Ignoring the warning expression on Erza’s face, she stepped forward and scooped up the rough itinerary she had made and holding it out towards Natsu with a soft smile.

“Here…” Natsu glanced at it hesitantly, before looking around at the others as he moved forward and taking it gingerly. _What?_ His eyes widened as he turned his attention to the page she had handed him, a small frown of confusion appearing as he realised that it was two lists. One of places to visit, some of which he had been to before and a handful of new ones, and the second was a list of jobs that followed the same root - jobs that he had been staring at longingly on the board for the last couple of weeks. _I have a surprise for you…_ Her words rang in his ears, and he lifted his head. It wasn’t the cure that he had been hoping for, but it didn’t change the happiness that was rising in his chest.

“This is my surprise?” Natsu asked, hope colouring his voice as he glanced up at Mira, before turning his gaze to his teammates, unable to stop the brilliant grin that spread across his face when they all nodded in unison, although Erza looked more reluctant than the other two. Warmth blossomed in his chest, and for a brief moment, it felt almost like everything was close to being normal, and with a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob he lurched to his feet, throwing himself forward as he yanked Mira into a strong hug. He was barely aware of Gray reaching out to steady them as his momentum nearly sent them both tumbling to the floor, instead focusing entirely on the litany of ‘thank yous’ falling from his lips as he buried his face against her shoulder, eyes stinging fiercely with tears of a different sort. _Thank you. Thank you…_

   It took him several minutes to get himself back under control, pulling away from Mira so that he could swipe at the traitorous tears that had escaped before turning his attention back to the sheet in his hand, nose crinkling as he spotted a possible issue.

“But…” _I can’t fight. I’m not even allowed to use magic_ , he had forgotten that in his excitement, and he felt as though someone had just popped the ball of happiness and excitement that had formed at the thought of being able to go on this trip, and the paper crumpled as he clenched his fingers around it for a moment.

“You’re not allowed to help on the jobs, you have to leave that to the others,” Mira explained quickly, realising where his thoughts were going, and he blinked at her. _I can still go?_ “But I’ve got permission from Porlyusica and the Master for you to go.”

“Mira’s coming too, so you won’t be on your own when we’re working,” Gray added softly, as he caught the way olive eyes had darkened for a moment, guessing that the Dragon-slayer wasn’t relishing the thought of being left behind while they worked. Well aware of how unpleasant that could be, as it had happened to all of them at one point or another, usually when they were injured, and the other’s still needed to make enough jewels to pay rent. He caught the brief glance the Fire mage shot towards Mira, and the light that had reappeared in Natsu’s eyes and his lips curled up in a smile _. I guess it’s not just one-sided…_

“Really?”

“Really,” Mira confirmed with a smile, relieved when his previous grin spread across his face once more, and this time she was prepared when he flung himself at her. “It’s not quite like normal, but…”

“It’s perfect,” he cut her off, burying his face in her shoulder once more and she smiled, shooting Erza a warning look over his shoulder. She hadn’t had any intention of backing down in the first place, but she would do whatever it took to make sure that this wasn’t taken from him now as she felt her shoulder growing moist. And she was gratified to see that both Lucy and Erza were smiling slightly at the reaction, and she raised a hand to gently stroke a hand through his hair as he whispered. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

**

   It was only later that afternoon when Gray had dragged the others away to start packing, and from the look, he shot Mira to finish convincing them that really was the best idea. Because while they had held back their doubts and protests around the clearly happy Dragon-slayer, it was evident that they were still uncertain about taking him away from the guild, that Natsu remembered what he had wanted to tell Mira. His earlier thoughts having been completely derailed by her surprise for him, and the subsequent list of precautions she’d reeled off once he’d calmed down a little. He wasn’t allowed to fight, if he was tired or felt ill he had to tell them, if he took a turn for the worse they would have to come home and several other things that he didn’t object to…just the thought of getting out of the guild for a while had him willing to agree to anything _. And it was Mira’s idea!_ Somehow that thought was making him happier than anything.

“Mira…”

“Hmm?” Mira looked up from where she had been gathering up her notes and the job flyers she had selected, smiling as she caught him shifting nervously from foot to foot. “Natsu?” She prompted when he opened his mouth and closed it several times in a row.

“I-I realised something,” he said finally, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, and Mira frowned at the gesture before turning to face him fully. He sounded serious, but there was a lightness to his expression that reassured her that he wasn’t slipping back into his previous mood.

“What?”

“I want there to be a cure. I want someone to find a way to stop this,” Natsu replied softly, his gaze fixated on the floor and he missed the alarmed expression that had appeared on her face. _You gave up on that?_ She had known that he was giving up, but she had hoped that deep down he had still clung to the hope that they could find something, but the seriousness in his voice told her that he had only just realised this, and she closed her eyes. _Natsu…_ The Dragon-slayer was unaware of her reaction, unable to look at her as he admitted softly. “I hadn’t realised, but you were right. I had given up…really given up I mean. I don’t even remember doing it, but…” He trailed off with a helpless shrug, unable to find the words to convey what that realisation had meant to him, and he was caught by surprise as he was tackled a moment later. “Mira?” He asked in alarm as her arms tightened around him, arms instinctively coming up to wrap around her as he realised how badly she was trembling.

“Idiot!” She whispered, weakly hitting him in the shoulder. _Natsu._ She had thought that she had understood the depths that he had fallen to, but it was clear that she hadn’t, and she closed her eyes _. If she hadn’t gone to speak to him the other day how much worse could it have become?_ She pressed her face against his shoulder, more relieved than ever that she hadn’t buckled under the other’s protests, hoping that this trip would erase those doubts. Deep down she knew that it wasn’t that simple, but she needed to believe it. _Natsu please, you can’t give up._ “You idiot!”

“Yeah,” Natsu agreed softly, wondering if she was aware that she was muttering her thoughts aloud, his expression falling as he realised how badly he had scared her. Sighing he rested his head against her, catching the smell of tears in the air as she pressed closer and he closed his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He couldn’t even promise that he wouldn’t give up again. Even now with this fresh realisation and the prospect of their trip to boost his spirits, he knew that the doubts were just there out of sight for the time being, but not gone and he pulled her closer.

_I’m sorry…_

****

Two days later:

   They had decided to wait a couple more days before leaving, wanting to make sure the last of Natsu’s fever was well and truly gone and to give him the chance to rest a bit more. It was amazing how much more willing he was to have naps now that he had the trip to look forward to, although it hadn’t alleviated his irritation when Happy had insisted on packing for him. Or when he had been told in no uncertain terms that he was only to worry about packing his clothes and toiletries, as the others were taking care of carrying the medicines and spare bracelets. _I’m not an invalid,_ he had wanted to growl at them, but he had bit back the words, not wanting to risk them changing their minds about the trip. And it had been Mira that had pointed out it was their way of showing they cared, and after making her cry the other day he had been frightened to do anything that would put that expression back on her face.

   However, there was no sign of that irritation or tears as the pair of them stood outside the guild waiting on the others arriving. The rest of the guild had already wished them luck, promising to do their best to find a way to fix this and vowing to contact them if they did. And Makarov had sent them on their way with a somewhat strained smile, and a quiet word of warning to Mira to make sure they came back if anything else happened. Something that Natsu had heard clearly but chosen to ignore, refusing to allow anything to ruin his good mood. He felt better than he had for months, even the magic shifting just beneath the surface of his skin couldn’t put a dent in his mood. _I get to be sort of normal again, even if it’s only for a few days…I get to be just Natsu…_

“Anyone would think you’re excited,” Mira teased lightly as Natsu bounced up and down beside her yet again. He had been bordering on hyperactive ever since they’d told him about the trip, his excitement and visible happiness over the past couple of days silencing whatever remaining doubts Erza and Lucy had been harbouring even after Gray had described in graphic detail how the Dragon-slayer had been behaving. It would have taken a truly heartless person to turn around and tell him he couldn’t go at this stage, plus the Take-over mage had managed to fill them in on Natsu’s realisation, and she knew that had gone a long way to silencing their doubts, none of them wanting to be the reason he gave up.

“I am!” He replied cheerfully, hopping from foot to foot as he turned to glance at the Guild behind them, a hint of melancholy slipping into his expression for a moment, and she had just reached out with the intention of comforting him when his expression brightened once more. “It feels like years since I’ve been out on a job!”

“You’re not to fight!” She felt mean for reminding him, but she knew that there was every chance he would forget that in the heat of the moment. She wanted him to have this trip more than anything, to have a hint of normality, but not at the cost of his health.

“I know,” Natsu reassured her, pausing in his restless movements and turning to meet her gaze head-on, and the openness of his expression convinced her that he meant it, and she felt her lips curling up in a warm smile. “But travelling, and being out with you guys is good enough.” His gaze drifted to where his pack was sat on the edge of the stairs, currently being guarded by Happy who was keeping watch for the others and looking nearly as excited as the Dragon-slayer was feeling. “I’ve missed it.” _More than I realised_ , he added silently to himself. He had known that he had missed it. It had been a nightmare watching the others going off on jobs with the thought that he might never get the chance to do that again weighing down on him, but it wasn’t until Mira had made this happen that he realised the full extent of the hole it had left in his life. _I’m meant to be a mage. I’m meant to travel and work…_

“I know you have.”

“I’m glad you’re coming,” Natsu whispered, feeling his cheeks colouring as he glanced across at her. He had been ridiculously relieved when Gray had told him she was coming, the thought of being left behind while they worked had put a damper on his spirits before that. As did the idea of one of them having to stay behind because of his sake. But he knew that Mira would be doing it because she wanted to, and that made all the difference, and his lips curved up in a sweet smile. _He owed her a lot already…_

“Natsu…” Mira whispered, slightly startled by his words. Gray had told her that the idiot had barely shut up about that fact since they’d told him, but she had thought that it was just simple relief that he wasn’t going to be left on his own, but there was something about his expression that told her it was something more. _Natsu…_

“Are you guys ready to go?” Erza’s voice interrupted before either of them could think about what to say next, and they whirled around, startled to realise that the others had arrived while they were talking and were now staring up at them expectantly.

“Erza!” Gray hissed, lowering his hand from where he had been about to grab her in an attempt to keep her quiet, hoping that she hadn’t noticed even as he cursed her silently for interrupting the pair. He had been waiting for one of them to say something over the past couple of days, and finally, it looked like they might be getting there, but it was clear that they weren’t going to do it now and he let out a defeated sigh. _Maybe this trip will give them a chance…_

“What?” Erza blinked at him in confusion for a moment, before turning her attention back to Natsu. “I thought you were impatient to go?”

“Y-yeah,” Natsu mumbled. Wondering if he was as red as he felt, noticing that Mira didn’t seem able to look at him as she headed down the steps to join the others and he sighed before following her, not quite sure why he felt irritated at them for finally getting there, especially after moments before he had been raring to go. However, he perked up again as he retrieved his bag before Happy could even offer to carry it, swinging it onto his back and glancing hopefully at them as he began to hop from foot to foot again. Mira laughed at him before following as Erza stared off them down the road, and he hastily slipped into place next to her with Wendy just behind him, leaving Lucy and Gray staring after them for a moment.

“You saw that too right?” Gray asked as they set off after the others, realising that they had no intention of waiting for them, glancing at the Celestial mage out of the corner of his eye as he realised that she was staring at Mira and Natsu as the pair began to chat animatedly with Wendy and Erza.

“I think so.”


	24. Chapter 24

 

The next day:

    Natsu grumbled under his breath as he rolled over, stubbornly trying to fight the pull of consciousness, burying his head further against his pillow. His night had been punctuated by bad dreams, and all he wanted to do was fall back asleep and hopefully not have any more before it was time for them all to get up and move on. He was just on the cusp of falling asleep again when his pillow shifted slightly, and there was a sleepy mumble that sounded nothing like Gray or Happy, and he immediately sat up, reasonably sure that there had only been the three of them in the tent the last time he had been awake enough to check. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the half-light in the tent, cursing under his breath as he realised that it was closer to the time to get up than he’d thought. Before his thoughts skidded to a halt as he realised that there was no sign of the Ice mage who had been sleeping beside him last night and that instead, Mira was curled up next to him, her hand outstretched as though she had been holding his at some point, and he felt his cheeks colouring slightly at that thought.

“Mira…” She looked peaceful at the moment, and for the first time, he realised just how stressed she had been looking over the last few days and guilt churned in his stomach. _I’ve worried her…_ Cautiously he reached out and ghosted his fingers over her cheek, although he pulled back when she rolled over with another sleepy mumble, reaching out blindly and he held his breath as her fingers brushed against his leg before she settled, lips quirking up in a smile. _Mira._ He had no idea why she was in his tent, as the last thing he knew she had been sharing with Wendy. _Why are you here?_

   The urge to curl up and go back to sleep was still strong, but there was no way he could do that with Mira sleeping next to him, which made him pause. _Why not?_ He had slept next to Lucy and Wendy before, and back when they were younger he had, had more than one sleepover with Erza, so why was this different? He had no idea, but he knew that there was no way he was going to be able to sleep now, especially as she snuggled closer to his heat a moment later. Barely holding back a startled noise he cautiously extracted himself from her reaching hand, just missing Happy who he hadn’t noticed still sleeping near the door, and he stilled for a moment to make sure he hadn’t disturbed them. Once he was satisfied, they were still asleep he carefully laid his own covers over Mira, pausing for a moment as he studied her before forcing himself to move, crawling carefully out of the tent and closing the flaps behind him.

   The rest of the camp was quiet, and he knew even without his sharp hearing that the others were asleep, although he paused as he traced Gray’s deeper breathing to Wendy’s tent. _So they switched? But why?_ Part of him was tempted to go and rouse the Ice mage, not only to get answers but because bickering with the Ice mage was an easy distraction, one that he hadn’t realised he had been missing until the day before when they had spent most of the walk arguing about one thing or another. Erza had threatened them countless times with punishment, but she had never actually gone through with it. _And I know why…_ His good humour disappeared as he glanced down at the bracelet on his wrist before shaking his head, refusing to let his thoughts go down that path and ruin the trip.

  With a sigh, he glanced back at his tent for a moment before heading for the path that led down to the river below. It was a campsite they had used many times before, and some of his earlier good mood returned as he spotted the scratchings on one of the trees from where he and Gray had snuck out here years before to have a tournament out of sight of Erza. It had ended in a tie, a matching number of tallies beside the roughly carved flame and snowflake they had drawn to represent themselves. And when they had got back to the guild, Erza had nearly given them both concussion before dragging them up to the infirmary to deal with the injuries they had given one another. _Not our best idea_ …Still, he couldn’t stop himself from stopping and running his fingers over the marks, surprised they had lasted this long, and trying not to focus on the thought that they wouldn’t get the chance to repeat that feat. _So much for happy thoughts_ , he thought with a growl, pulling his fingers away before heading down towards the water, idly wishing that he had thought to bring his fishing rod.

   He settled down on the bank, leaning back against the trunk of a tree and letting his gaze focus loosely on the flowing water. He had always found water relaxing, ironic considering he was a fire mage, and he could already feel himself unwinding, his eyes drifting shut a few minutes later as exhaustion washed over him once more and he didn’t fight it.

**

   Gray had thought that he was the first one to wake up, startled out of a hopeful dream where Porlyusica had come rushing in to tell them they had found a cure by Wendy rolling over and digging her feet into his side. His first thought had been that it was Natsu, and ice had already been forming around his hand when he realised who it was, memory rushing back as he remembered switching tents in the middle of the night and he rolled onto his back with a sigh. _Natsu…_ Yesterday had been a good day for all of them, even Erza had admitted that it had been a good idea and Natsu had seemed almost back to his old self. And for once he had gone out of his way to bicker with Natsu, enjoying the feel of getting back onto an even keel and from the spark that had reappeared in the olive eyes told him the Fire mage had felt the same. Which was why the events of the night were more of a blow, as apparently the fears and doubts that had been pushed away during the day had regained their strength at night.

   Sighing he sat up, carefully skirting around Wendy as she immediately stretched out and claimed the space he had just vacated. He couldn’t hold back a small smile as she mumbled contentedly at the extra space, apparently, sprawling must be a Dragon-slayer thing because Natsu was just as bad. And the Ice mage had lost count of the number of times he had woken to find the idiot practically on top of him because he was trying to take up as much room as possible. Grabbing his coat and skirting around Carla he crawled out of the tent, intent on checking on Natsu and then trying to do something about breakfast. He probably needed to do something to earn some brownie points as he knew that Erza had been holding back with the scolding yesterday.

   The campsite was utterly devoid of life, and he hoped that meant that Mira’s presence had finally allowed Natsu to fall into a deep sleep, he was sure the others would agree to hang around a little longer than planned if that was the case. For a moment he contemplated leaving them in peace, fearful of disturbing the Fire mage especially as he knew just how sensitive the Dragonslayer’s hearing was. But he couldn’t shake the image of Natsu’s face twisted in distress when he was unable to escape the grip of nightmares just a few hours before, and biting his lip, he turned and headed towards Natsu’s tent, idly wondering whether it would be better to make the swap permanent for this trip. It might help the pair actually do something…

   Frowning thoughtfully, he slowly peeled open the flap of their tent, only to feel a flicker of panic when he realised that only Mira and Happy were inside. _Nats_ u… He knew it was another sign of how much things were changing because in the past he wouldn’t have cared a jot if the Dragon-slayer had been gone when he woke up, but now the panic was churning away in his stomach. _What if he has another outburst? Or another collapse? What if this trip really was a bad idea?_ The rational part of his mind was trying to point out that there had been no sign of Natsu’s magic rising even during the worst of the nightmares, and even with the bracelet to contain the worst of the outbursts he doubted that they would have been able to sleep through one. _But still…_

  He didn’t want to alarm the other two, well aware that they had been dealing with this for longer, and therefore on edge for much longer than him, and he carefully pulled back, letting the flap fall shut as he rose to his feet and glanced around. _Where would he go?_ It took a moment for his gaze to settle on the path that he recalled led down towards the river, and his eyes lit up, well aware of how much Natsu loved being by the water. Whenever they had fought as kids, the smaller boy had run off to the river to sulk and calm down, and it was often there that they would make up after a particularly bad fight. Silently praying that Natsu was staying true to form he broke into a run, his rational side giving way to his panicked thoughts once more as he realised that the river was possibly far enough for them to have missed an outburst if it happened.

   It turned out that all his panicked thoughts were for nought, as when he burst onto the river bank, he was brought up short by the sight of Natsu huddled under a tree, soft snores filling the air and a peaceful expression on his face. For a couple of minutes, the Ice mage just stood there staring at Natsu, watching the Dragon-slayer’s chest rising and falling evenly, feeling his racing heart gradually settling back into a normal pattern. _He’s okay_ …. He waited until he felt completely calm again before slowly approaching the Dragon-slayer, determined not to let Natsu realise how worried he’d been. Determined to act as though everything was as normal as much as possible, at least for the duration of the trip.

   He had barely rested his hand on Natsu’s shoulder, feeling bad for waking him, but wanting to make sure that it wasn’t something serious that had sent him out here when olive eyes blinked open. For a brief second, they just stared at one another and Gray honestly wasn’t sure who was more surprised, but he recovered from his shock as Natsu jolted and it was only his hand that kept the other teen upright.

“Sorry,” he murmured as he felt a brief spike in Natsu’s magic, letting out a relieved breath when it disappeared a moment later, slowly removing his hand as the Dragon-slayer reached up to rub the sleep from his eyes, thankfully not looking too bothered by the brief flare. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Gray?” Natsu asked with a frown, blinking as he glanced around at their surroundings and it took his sleepy mind to recall how he had ended up out here. It was a lot lighter than it had been, and he felt better rested although he could probably have quite happily slept for the rest of the day if he’d been able to. He scowled slightly at the thought, well aware that the others would probably let him if he asked, but he refused to ask because that would mean acknowledging his exhaustion and weakness. _I’m fine…_

“You weren’t in your tent, but then I remembered what you’re like with water,” Gray offered by way of explanation, a small smile playing on his lips as it looked as though Natsu was fine. Although he didn’t miss how exhausted the Dragon-slayer still looked, and he had a feeling that it was far more than just the nightmares, but he decided it was better not to poke the subject at the moment. Instead, he glanced back up the path towards the camp, and then down at the river before asking softly. “What were you doing out here on your own?”

“I didn’t want to wake Mira…” Natsu mumbled, feeling his cheeks heating up again and he scowled as he glanced down, missing the knowing look that passed briefly over the Ice mage’s face _. Why was it flustering him so much?_ He had shared a tent with Erza and the others multiple times before, and walking in on them changing and in various stages of undress without being too concerned, but the thought that Mira had been sleeping beside him, holding his hand, was enough to set his cheeks alight. It had been different in the infirmary, where he had needed her that close, but now they were out with the others it seemed way more embarrassing. “Why was she even in the tent with me?”

“You were calling for her in your sleep,” Gray explained softly as he settled down beside the Dragon-slayer, scowling as he noticed the Fire mage was actually shivering slightly and before Natsu had a chance to protest he had stripped off his coat and draped it across the other’s shoulder. Neither of them mentioned the fact that the mere fact Natsu was cold was a bad sign, and Gray pretended not to notice as the Dragon-slayer snuggled into the material with a relieved sigh, although he made a note to talk to Wendy about it later. “We tried to wake you, but you wouldn’t settle down until we fetched Mira.” It had been frustrating, listening to his friend calling out for help against whatever nightmarish image was haunting him but unable to wake him, and if he was honest, it still bothered him that neither he nor Happy had been able to help.

“Oh…”

“What were you dreaming about?” Gray asked cautiously, and Natsu frowned as he tried to recall what had been disturbing his sleep. He had a vague impression of the same nightmares that had been haunting ever since Porlyusica had told him the news, and his expression darkened slightly. _It’s not going to go away, is it?_ It had been great the day before as he had been able to push the worries aside, even if it was only for a few minutes at a time as they walked as no one had dared to put him on transport, guessing that it might tip him over the edge into an outburst. Teasing Lucy and bickering with Gray as they usually did on a job. It was normal, so of course, it couldn’t last.

“I can’t remember…” He muttered, not wanting to be the one to put a damper on the trip, his current predicament was doing that enough as it was. _I wish I could forget about it…_ Even for a day, it would be great just to forget about everything that was happening because it was always there at the back of his mind. And his eyes narrowed as he stared down at the bracelet on his wrist, flicking his fingers against it with increasing force until a cold hand reached down to stop him.

“Natsu,” Gray’s voice was soft as he tightened his hold as he felt Natsu trying to pull free. He knew that Natsu was lying about forgetting his dreams, and it wasn’t hard to figure out why, and although part of him wanted to scold the idiot for trying to hide stuff again, he could also understand why he didn’t want to say it aloud and instead he settled for adding. “They’re just nightmares, we’re not going to let them become anything more.” _We can’t…_

   Natsu closed his eyes for a moment at the promise, wishing that the words were enough to drive the fears away completely, but he doubted that was possible. Still, it was reassuring, and it reminded him that he wasn’t alone with this and his lips quirked weakly as he opened his eyes to look at the Ice mage.

“Thank you.” Gray merely nodded in response, it wasn’t something he particularly thought worthy of thanks, but he wasn’t going to argue. Instead, he climbed to his feet and held a hand out towards the Dragon-slayer with a smile.

“Come on you can help me with breakfast.”

“But…” Natsu protest as he glanced towards the river, it was nice to be asked to help out, but at the same time it was peaceful out here, and it reminded him that he was no longer stuck at home or in the guild hall.

“Erza didn’t kill us yesterday, I kind of want to keep it that way,” Gray pointed out, and Natsu’s eyes widened as he glanced back towards the camp. He had also noticed the fact that the red-head had been incredibly merciful towards them, especially when their bickering had descended into gentle nudges and then full on shoving before the Ice mage had remembered himself, and he knew that it wasn’t likely that tolerance was going to last long, unless…

“So breakfast!” He replied brightly, grasping the offered hand and allowing the Ice mage to pull him back to his feet, stumbling slightly as his legs protested his previous curled up position. Gray waited patiently for him to stretch out the kinks, shaking his head when Natsu tried to give him back his coat, unsurprised by the flicker of relief in the other’s eyes as he snuggled back into the material. Once he was satisfied Natsu was ready he headed back along the path, keeping a sharp ear out as Natsu followed after him with a somewhat grumpy sounding mumble and the Ice mage just couldn’t resist teasing him, and not just for the purpose of cheering him up.

“So how was it sleeping with Mira?” The choking noise that met his not so innocent question made him glance back in alarm, although he found himself breaking into laughter as he realised that the Dragon-slayer’s face was probably the same colour as Erza’s hair now. It was only when olive eyes narrowed, despite the embarrassment still written across Natsu’s face that Gray realised he was in trouble and he barely managed to dodge as the other teen sprang at him, sticking his tongue out at the Fire mage before bolting back towards the camp with the Dragon-slayer’s voice ringing in his ears.

“Gray!”

****

   Porlyusica let out a sigh as she set aside the ragged book she had been reading, rubbing a weary hand across her face as she glanced down at the notes she had managed to make. There had been a detailed file buried in the Royal Infirmary archives about the mage with conflicting magics, and for a while, she had allowed herself to entertain the hope that maybe they were getting somewhere. But while she had a list of useful treatments that might help ease Natsu’s outbursts and give them more time, the cure they had eventually arrived at for the previous mage was out of the question. In the end, they had been forced to resort to completely removing his own magic, embedding an artificial lacrima to keep his body stabilised as his body slowly adapted to the loss of his magic, and he had still died fairly young, although it had given him an extra couple of decades…

   However, that just wasn’t possible in Natsu’s case. It would have been complicated enough anyway, especially as Natsu had at least four more conflicting magics than the original patient, but it was his own magic that made such a process impossible. Dragon-slayers’ magic was written into their very body, it was as much a part of their physical makeup as their organs. If they tried to remove Natsu’s magic, he might hold on for a day or two with the help of a lacrima, but that would be it. _Damn it_ …It had been a long time since she had felt the weight of disappointment so keenly, and she sighed as she realised that she had foolishly allowed herself to build up her hopes. She just hoped that Erza and Lucy hadn’t said anything about her find Natsu, as she didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news yet again and her eyes narrowed as she turned her gaze back to the book.

_There has to be a way…_

****

   Natsu and Gray’s hopes of getting into Erza’s good books by cooking breakfast had been scuppered from the start, as the Dragon-slayer had managed to catch up to the Ice mage just as they reached the camp, springing on him and intending to get him back for his teasing by the river. Unfortunately, he had underestimated how much momentum he had gained, and he’d sent them both tumbling headfirst into the first tent. Which just so happened to be Erza and Lucy’s,.and the structure had immediately given away beneath their weight, ending with them and the collapsed tent landing on the sleeping girls and waking them immediately. _They had tried to run…_

“It’s your own fault you know.” Lucy was unsympathetic as the pair of them packed up the tents while the other’s watched, both boys now bearing a small lump on their head. Although Natsu’s was noticeably smaller than Gray’s and she knew that Erza was fighting the urge to offer to help him with the packing even though he was meant to be being punished. Gray glowered at her for a moment, before glancing aside as he heard Erza clearing her throat and he had to fight the urge to snipe at Natsu. _Stupid Flamebrain getting us into trouble…_ “What did you say to wind him up?” She asked, and he blinked before turning back to her. Instinctively opening his mouth to defend himself before he caught sight of Mira heading across to help Natsu, apparently immune to the glare that Erza was levelling at her, although the fact that the red-head didn’t say anything was telling in its own way, and his irritation faded slightly as he smirked and tilted his head towards the pair.

“I asked how he enjoyed sleeping with Mira,” he admitted, wincing as she immediately smacked him in the arm for his choice of words, relieved that he had already filled the others in on Natsu’s nightmares and the change of sleeping arrangements. Otherwise, he could have just made things very awkward.

“Gray…”

“You should have seen how red he went,” Gray added with a grin, noticing that Natsu still seemed a little flustered around the Take-over mage who was now bossing both him and Happy around, although there was a smile on her face as she helped untangle him from the mess they’d made. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him blush like that, and it’s not as though he hasn’t seen more embarrassing things around the guild.” He could still remember going into one of the storerooms when he was much younger, only to find Macao and his wife making out in the back. The Fire mage hadn’t been able to meet his gaze for weeks after that, and it had led to Makarov attempting to give Gray and the others a version of ‘the talk’ which hadn’t gone down well with any of them and had left the old man in need of a stiff drink.

   Lucy hummed softly, well aware that she was probably included in that, having lost count of the number of times Natsu had caught her in the middle of changing, and the time with Éclair when she had lost her towel. He had reacted like a typical teenage boy, but he hadn’t really seemed that embarrassed, and yet it was clear from the expression on his face now that he was flustered by Mira just being so close. She had caught the change in their friendship recently, but she had written it off as a by-product of Mira knowing what was happening for longer than they had, and all the time they had been spending together. And she couldn’t quite get her head around the thought of her best-friend having at least a crush on Mirajane, even though she had caught a hint of it the day before. _Natsu._ Inside her, the writer’s heart was dancing up and down with joy at the thought, and she couldn’t help the soft smile that appeared on her lips…

_If he has something to hold onto, he’s going to keep fighting._


	25. Chapter 25

That night:

_“Natsu!” Mira was barely aware of the fact that she was screaming his name as she scrambled down to him, not caring that the rocks were digging into her hands and drawing blood, or that the fighting was continuing above her. She knew that the others were capable of dealing with it, and there was no way they were going to let anyone else get near the Dragon-slayer, which meant that she could focus completely on Natsu. Her gaze was focused on the still form below her, desperately searching for some sign of movement and feeling a chill washing over her as she realised that the air around them was growing warmer by the moment. “Natsu?!”_

_Finally, she reached his side, although she realised that he looked even worse up close, and her hands were trembling as she reached out to check that he was still with her. His pulse was faint beneath her searching fingers, and now that she was beside him she could see how he was struggling to draw in a breath and she struggled not to give into her panic when she realised there was blood on his lips. Tentatively, afraid of causing him even more harm she reached and gently grasped his shoulder, hesitating for a moment before shaking him slightly. “Natsu? Natsu can you hear me?” It took several repetitions before she managed to elicit a response from him, being rewarded with a soft groan and a sliver of olive as he tried to get his eyes open._

_“Mi…ra….Wha…t?” She as reassured that he seemed to be able to recognise her, although he seemed unable to focus on her completely and there was a confused expression on his face as his eyes lazily tracked the sky above them. Natsu…_

_“You fell. Do you remember??” She asked softly, struggling to keep her tone even as it would’ve been more accurate to say ‘you were pushed’, but she knew that she needed to keep him as calm as possible. Especially as his breathing had become more strained since he regained consciousness. His forehead creased for a moment as he tried to gather his thoughts, but she saw the defeat in his eyes a split second before he shook his head slightly, whimpering softly as the movement jostled his injuries. “You need to stay still.” She didn’t want to think about what injuries could be hidden out of sight, and she wished that Wendy was with her, but the youngest Dragon-slayer had got caught up in the fighting so they would have to wait._

_“Crying…?” It took her a moment to realise that he had finally focused on her, concern in his eyes and she slowly lifted a hand to her cheeks, blinking as she realised that she was crying. Sniffling she scrubbed at her cheeks, unable to believe that even now he was worried about her, and she tried to give him a small smile to reassure him._

_“I’m all right,” she whispered, before sighing as she caught his disbelieving look, reaching out to grasp his hand. She hated how cool his skin felt to the touch, and her fingers tightened around his as she added. “You scared me, what were you thinking leaping in like that?”_

_“Couldn’t…let…” The Dragon-slayer trailed off, his gaze becoming unfocused once more before his eyes slipped shut a moment later._

_“Natsu?” Mira asked in alarm, squeezing his hand tightly before reaching out to tap his cheek. “Natsu! Keep your eyes open for me! Natsu, please…” There were fresh tears on her cheeks by the time Natsu managed to respond to her pleading, his eyes inching open once more although it was clear that he was struggling to keep them open._

_“M’sorry….” He mumbled weakly, his eyes closing again before he doggedly forced them open before she could even ask. “Tired…”_

_“I know sweetheart, but you have to stay awake,” Mira pleaded, reaching up with her other hand and beginning to run her fingers through his hair, desperate to give him something to hold onto, and she was rewarded by him leaning ever so slightly into the gentle touch._

_“’Kay…” Natsu breathed, but a moment later his eyes had slipped shut once more, and this time they didn’t reopen, and for a moment Mira found herself unable to move or speak as terror flooded her. No,  this can’t be happening…_

_“Natsu?” She asked, moving her hand from his hair so that she could shake him, breath catching in her throat when he moved limply under the force of her efforts and there was a fresh edge of desperation to her voice when she called to him. “Natsu!!” Still, there was no response, and her hand was shaking as she moved to check his pulse, and she went cold when she realised that she could no longer feel it beneath her searching fingertips. “WENDY!!” She screamed hoping the younger girl could hear her, but deep down she already knew it was too late and her voice choked off a moment later as she toppled forward to rest against the Dragon-slayer’s chest. His too still chest, a wail rising in her throat as the truth of the situation hit her hard, tears falling freely down her cheeks now…_

“NATSU!” Mira jerked awake with a sharp cry, feeling the dampness of tears on her cheeks and it took a moment to register that she wasn’t on the cliff but in the safety of her tent and she couldn’t hold back the sob that welled up as relief flooded her.

_It was a dream, it was just a dream…_

   She was so caught up by the overwhelming relief that she missed the rustling of covers beside her, only jerking back into the present as a warm hand came to rest on her arm and her head snapped round to meet worried olive eyes as the lamp hanging from the ceiling spluttered to life. And fresh tears welled up as she stared into them, seeing the sleepiness and worry, but also the bright spark of life that she had just watched disappear in her dream.

“Mira?” Natsu asked anxiously when she broke into fresh sobs. He had woken the moment she began to shift restlessly in her sleep, and he had just been contemplating trying to wake her when she had shot upright calling for him, but he had never expected her to cry. What on earth was she dreaming about? He hesitated for a moment before sitting up and nestling against her, hoping that his presence and warmth would comfort her. “Are you okay?” He was caught by surprise a moment later when she twisted, still entangled within the covers and flung herself at him, arms coming up to wrap tightly around him as she buried her face against him and beginning to sob in earnest. “M-Mira??”

_He’s alive._ Mira knew that it was foolish, that it had been nothing more than a dream, but at the moment she needed to feel his chest rising and falling beneath her. To feel his pulse beneath her fingers, and she felt him jerk slightly as he cottoned onto what she was doing and she waited for him to push her away. Instead, his arms came up around her as well, and he rested his head against hers.

“It was just a dream,” he whispered softly, still curious as to what on earth she could’ve been dreaming about to cause a reaction like this, but guessing that she wasn’t ready to talk about it. And as she had been the only one not pushing him about his nightmares the previous night he wanted to return the favour, and so he merely tightened his arms around her, resolutely ignoring the blush he could feel starting to form. “It was just a dream, so please don’t cry…” He had always hated it when she cried, Mira was someone who was meant to smile, and he knew that the whole guild felt it when she was down. But the need to drive her tears away that he was feeling right now was something new, and he had no idea what to do with it, and so he fell quiet, determined to let her cry herself out.

   Gradually Mira felt herself beginning to calm, Natsu’s steady breathing and heartbeat soothing her and the feel of his arms around her helping to drive the nightmare away. _But it had felt so real_ , and worse she knew that it was a situation she might eventually have to confront, and her fingers tightened against his back at the thought of losing him. _I can’t…we can’t_ …she tried to correct herself, knowing that their friends, both those sleeping in the tents around them, those in Crocus and those at the guild felt the same, but for the moment she just wanted to be selfish. _I can’t lose him. I can’t_ …

“Natsu…”

“Yeah?” Natsu asked softly, loosening his arms as she felt him pulling back, blinking as she peered up at him with red-rimmed eyes and he bit his lip for a moment. Gray’s teasing from the previous morning echoing in his ears, and the knowing looks that he had caught both the Ice mage and Lucy shooting at him at various points during the day suddenly taking on fresh meaning. And his movements were cautious as he reached up to brush away the evidence of her tears, fingers lingering a moment too long on her cheek before he pulled his hand back, feeling himself turning even redder. _What the hell am I doing?_ He coughed awkwardly and glanced down. “Sorry…”

“Don’t apologise…” Mira scolded him, even though she can feel herself colouring as she takes in his flustered expression and her heart jumps for a moment as she catches the shy glance he shoots in her direction, but it calms as she recalls what she had been about to try and say. “I…I…”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Natsu is quick to reassure her, and she catches the tense expression that appeared briefly on his face before he turned his gaze to the top of the tent. “Some things are meant to be private.”

“It’s okay…” Mira said softly, well aware that he was alluding to the fact that the others had been pressing him to tell them what he had been dreaming about, and she knew that more than once his bickering with Gray that afternoon had, had an underlying layer of real anger because of that. However, this was different. She needed to tell him so that she could ask him not to do anything so reckless. Still, it was harder than she had thought to get the words out. “I…I lost you…”

“Lost me?” Natsu echoed, looking confused for a moment before comprehension dawned, and there was a shadow in his eyes as he glanced down at the bracelet on his wrist as he gently tightened his hold on her once more. “Oh…”

“Not from this,” Mira was quick to reassure him, gently patting the bracelet as she realised what it must’ve sounded like, and she was relieved to see something easing in his expression at the quick reassurance, although she could feel the tension that remained in his body. “There was a battle, and you leapt in to protect me and you were thrown from a cliff. I got to your side…but I couldn’t do anything…” It had felt as though Gray had iced her in place. She had wanted to move - to protect herself, to protect Natsu and she knew that it was her mind playing games with her, but she feared just that. Terrified of being forced to be nothing more than a spectator as Natsu slipped away from her _. I can’t lose him…_

“Mira, I’m all right,” Natsu said softly, hating the broken tone and the fresh tears he could see gathering in the corners of her eyes, although he realised that probably wasn’t as reassuring as it should be given the current situation and he offered her a weak grin as he amended his response. “I certainly haven’t fallen off any cliffs.” _I won’t get the chance_. He knew that the others had noted how he’d been struggling to keep up, and the bone-deep weariness that had sent him to bed the moment they had eaten and any hopes he might have had of slipping the leash had been dashed by that fact. There was no way they were going to take their eyes off him now, which meant the chances of him winding up in trouble were virtually zero, and he fought to keep the scowl off his face. _I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to be protected._

“I know,” Mira murmured, for once missing the conflicted emotions that flickered across his face, pressing against him as she shivered, unable to completely banish the nightmarish images just yet. “It just felt so real…”

“Nightmares always do,” Natsu replied with a hint of a growl, his arms tightening automatically as he thought back to the nightmares he had the night before, and nearly every night since Porlyusica had given him the diagnosis. How many times had he woken surprised to find that he still had magic? That he was still alive? And more recently that had also begun to include waking, surprised to find that his friends were still there. Surprised that they hadn’t abandoned him or given up on finding a cure. There was no way he could tell them about those ones, he knew that his silence had hurt them and he didn’t want them to know that at least subconsciously he feared them giving up.

“Natsu…”

“Last night, I kept having dreams where we didn’t find a cure…where I died before I could do anything to stop it,” he said softly, trembling slightly as he felt her gaze focusing on him. He hadn’t wanted to say anything, but he wanted to reassure her that he understood how she felt, and he knew that she wouldn’t judge him. That she would listen and understand without the worry and fuss his teammates would react with. “Before I was able to do anything, and all I had left was a mountain of regrets.” _There’s not much I’m going to be able to do about that,_ he added silently, his expression darkening as he thought about all the things that he was potentially going to leave unfinished, and one hand crept up to rest against his scarf _. Igneel, I’m not going to see you again…_

   Mira caught the motion, and her expression softened as she reached up to grasp his hand, stilling the motion and meeting his gaze when he glanced at her. She couldn’t promise him that there wouldn’t be any regrets, because she knew that so many of his dreams and hopes rested on being a mage, on being able to use his magic, and even if they stopped the inevitable, there was a chance that he would never get back to full strength. Her fingers tightened around his as she remembered how he had been when he was younger, vowing fiercely that he was going to find the Dragon that had raised him, angry when they had doubted him. And while he had grown quieter about it over the years, she knew that dream burned as fiercely as ever, and her eyes stung at the thought of it being taken from him, and she wished that she had the words to make it right.

   For his part, Natsu was relieved when she didn’t try and tell him that he wouldn’t have regrets, and he could see the understanding look in her eyes as her grip tightened on his hand _. I don’t deserve you_ …He thought as he stared down at her, relieved to see the fear from her nightmare was fading away, although the spark of sorrow that had replaced it was just as unpleasant to see, if not worse.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything…”

“No,” Mira shushed him at once, shaking her head. “I’m glad you did. You helped me with mine. I don’t want you to deal with your nightmares alone, even if I don’t have the words to help.” She hated admitting that she couldn’t help, that she didn’t know how, but they had demanded promises from him that he would be honest about what was going on, so how could she be any less honest? She was still relieved to see that he didn’t see offended by her words. Instead, there was a weak smile playing on his lips.

“You don’t need words to help.” She blinked at his words, easily able to see that he meant it, but it didn’t make her feel any better about it. _I might not need words, but I wish that I had them_ , she thought silently as she traced patterns on the back of his hand. His words and his voice, had finished doing what his presence and warm arms around her had started and she felt calm once more, and she wished that she could give him that feeling as well _. I want to help you_ …She jumped lightly when he nudged her a moment later, blinking at the concerned look that had reappeared on his face. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah,” she smiled warmly at him in the hopes of easing that concern, unable to believe that he was still more focused on her than himself, _why are you still worrying about me?_ She knew better than to ask that though, and she was about to suggest that they try and get some more sleep when a thought occurred to her, and she hesitated for a moment before adding softly. “Just…just don’t throw yourself in danger for my sake.” _Please…_ In her mind, it was a valid fear because despite the situation and the limitations he was facing, she knew just how far he was willing to go for his friends and she doubted the state of his magic would be enough to stop him. _Please, I can’t be the reason you get hurt…_

   Natsu’s expression contorted for a moment, and she could see his reluctance to promise something like that and a hint of pain that she knew came from the knowledge that he was in no state to fight and she was regretting saying anything when he gave a short nod in response. _Natsu…_

“Thank you…” She knew what it must’ve cost him to agree to that, and she squeezed his hand tightly in gratitude before glancing towards the door and frowning as she realised that it seemed to be getting light outside already. “Let’s try and get a little more sleep,” she suggested quietly, well aware that Gray and the others were already planning on setting off a little later this morning, but determined to make sure that Natsu at least got some more sleep. There was also a lingering tension in the air that bothered her, and she hoped that sleeping on it would help her find some words at least that would help him.

“’Kay,” Natsu agreed softly, a note of reluctance in his voice, but he didn’t protest when she pulled away slightly before tugging him back down into the covers. Although he blinked when instead of settling back into her own covers, Mira shifted over so that they were curled up next to each other and his breath caught as she pressed against him, gently pulling the covers over both of them. _Mira_ …After Gray’s teasing that morning he had found it hard enough sharing a tent with her, although he had been the one to ask for the change as he knew there was no way he wasn’t going to have more nightmares. But the thought of sleeping this close had his cheeks burning, yet her warmth and the arm that snaked over his chest was comforting, and he didn’t have the heart to push her away.

“I’m sorry that I woke you,” she apologised softly once they had settled down, one hand resting over his chest, still needing the reassurance that he was really there with her even as she frowned in concern. He had been exhausted by the time they had stopped for the day, and they had all noticed that he had barely been able to stay awake while they set up camp and ate dinner and she doubted that he had even noticed that they’d barely given him any jobs to do. Probably a good thing, as the idiot would have felt guilty for not helping as much as the others. “How are you feeling?” He had crashed pretty much straight after dinner, not giving them a chance to find out how he was, although they had been relieved when he’d had the courage to ask if he could share with Mira. Although it looks like it was the other way round tonight, Mira thought with a frown.

“Tired,” He admitted, and for a moment her breath caught in her chest as she flashed back to her dream, but she forced back the panic after a moment. _He’s fine…he’s here…_ She could just make his face out in the weak light from the lamp, and she could see the dark shadows under his eyes, and her expression softened as she reached up to brush her fingers across them. _He’s not fine_. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t deny that fact, and her fingers faltered for a moment, and from the expression on his face, he knew exactly what she was thinking. His lips quirked up into a weak smile a moment later, before he reached up and rested a hand on top of hers for a moment. “It’s okay…”

“No, it’s not…” She whispers staring at his hand on top hers, feeling the tremor that he is trying so hard to hide from her and she can feel her eyes starting to well up once more, but she fiercely blinks the tears away. What he needed now was strength and tears, and so she pushes them aside and smiles up at him, shifting so that their hands are entwined, momentarily distracted by the differences in their hands before she brings her focus back to his face and this time she couldn’t stop the words. “But it will be. I promise.” _I promise that we will find a way to stop this. That I won’t let you go…that I won’t lose you._

   Natsu wanted to tell her not to make promises that she might not be able to keep, but he didn’t have the heart to when he caught the shimmer of tears in her eyes, and he settled for nodding slightly before letting his head fall back against the pillow. He could feel her hand in his, and his breath caught when she moved so that rather than her hand it was her head resting over his heart. _Mira…_ It was both comforting and frightening at the same time, and it takes him a moment to get his voice to work again.

“We should try and get back to sleep…”

“Yeah,” Mira agreed reluctantly, realising that her words hadn’t been as comforting as she had wanted them to be. Not daring to say anything else she gathered her courage, leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before snuggling back against him and steadfastly avoiding his gaze when she caught the sharp intake of breath that met her action.

    Natsu could tell that he was bright red after her kiss, but she didn’t seem willing to say anything else, and he had no idea what he was supposed to say, so instead, he took a deep breath to compose himself before reaching up to extinguish the lamp. _I used to just be able to eat the flame_. The thought slipped in, and his expression darkened just as the tent was plunged into darkness, and he forced himself to focus on Mira in an attempt to stop the thought from taking hold. Her warmth pressed against his side… _she feels warmer than me at the moment…_ Her head resting on his chest, and her breathing already evening out into sleep and his lips curled up at that last one, realising that she must’ve calmed down if she was falling asleep so easily. _Mira._

   He waited until he was sure that she was fully asleep, before cautiously lifting a hand and beginning to tentatively stroke her hair. As oblivious as he was to most things, he wasn’t blind to the fact that things were changing between them. He hadn’t thought twice about wrapping her up in a hug, and the way she had held his hand and that kiss…he felt himself growing redder just at the memory of it, even as his smile grew. _Mira… However, what was the point?_ Even now he could feel the bracelet pressing against his wrist, a constant reminder of what was happening. Even if he could forget the weakness and exhaustion dogging him and the constant shifting of his magic just beneath the surface. _‘I lost you’…_ She had sounded so lost and broken when she’d said that, and that had just been from a nightmare, what was she going to do if…when, a cold voice corrected she really does lose him?

   His hand stilled in her hair, and he flinched when she unconsciously nuzzled against it, seeking the sensation even in sleep, and he yanked his hand back as though burned. _What am I doing? What are we doing?_ His heart was hammering in his chest, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as he felt his magic stirring in response to his darkening emotions. _What the hell am I doing?_ He was dying, no matter how hard they were looking for a cure, that was the truth of the situation, and he had been letting himself forget that fact, getting caught up in travelling with his team again. In being with Mira. Mira…His eyes were stinging fiercely, and he bit his lip in the hopes of holding the tears back as he slowly eased himself out from under her, pausing when she let out a sleepy protest and waiting until she had settled once more before curling up as far from her as he could, although he couldn’t stop himself from rolling over to face her. Even in the dark, he could make out her face, and he had to fight the urge to reach out and touch her, and he bit the inside of his cheek this time, feeling a couple of tears escaping as he stared at her.

_I’m dying. I can’t…I can’t do that to her…_


	26. Chapter 26

 

   They could all tell that something was bothering the Dragon-slayer the next morning. He made no attempt to join in with the conversation over breakfast, he would respond when addressed directly, but his responses were short and flat, especially towards Mira. A quick glance towards the Take-over mage showed that she was just as puzzled by Natsu’s behaviour as the rest of them, which ruled out nightmares at least as they knew she would have woken the moment he stirred, and she shook her head when Gray leant over and asked if anything else had happened. _Natsu…_ Her eyes were shadowed as she watched him picking at his food. She knew that their conversation the previous night had touched on some sore subjects, but he had seemed okay and she couldn’t understand why he seemed to be pulling away from her even more than the others. _What is going on in your head?_

   She had intended to ask him while they were dismantling the camp, but he had rushed off with Happy, and it seemed that every time she was close to cornering him, he would manage to slip off with an apologetic glance. It confirmed that something was going on, something to do with her, but by the time they broke camp nearly an hour later she was no closer to working out what it was.

“Did something happen between you two?” Lucy asked softly as she dropped back to walk beside Mira, glancing up to see Gray attempting to pull Natsu in a bickering match, and catching the way the other girl’s expression fell when the Dragon-slayer pulled away from the Ice mage.

“I have no idea,” Mira’s replied finally, and the Celestial mage shifted her attention back to Mira, catching the shadowed look in the older girl’s eyes as her gaze remained trained on the Dragon-slayer. “I woke him up last night having nightmares, and we talked about things. I might have made things worse by promising we would find a way to fix things.”

“How would that make things worse?”

“He doesn’t believe it.” It hurt to admit that aloud, but Mira knew that it was true. Even when he had agreed to keep fighting, to keep moving forward in the hope that they would be able to find something, she had known that he hadn’t fully believed it. Lucy’s mouth dropped open, and Mira could see the protests already forming, and she continued before the blonde could launch into them. “Or he’s frightened of letting himself believe it, and I guess I kind of understand.” She hadn’t let herself admit it before, not wanting to let in the thought that maybe Natsu was justified in his doubt. But how must it feel to have to place your hope in something that might not happen just to move forward, while barely daring to believe it in an attempt to protect yourself from future disappointment? “I shouldn’t make those kinds of promises…”

“But…”

“What if we can’t find anything?” Mira demanded softly, praying that Natsu wasn’t paying attention to their conversation, but unable to stop the words from flowing now that she had started _. I’m sorry Natsu._ She had been the one telling him he couldn’t give up, scolding him for losing hope, while ignoring the small voice at the back of her mind that had been whispering similar doubts. Only now in the cold light of day, and with Natsu behaving strangely around her, that whisper was becoming a shout, and her hands clenched into her fists at the side. “If that happens, then all these promises I’ve made, and all the promises that we keep making him…”

“Will be broken,” Lucy finished for her as comprehension dawned, her eyes sad as she sought out Natsu who was beginning to fall back a little now, his head bowed as he stared at the ground. She hated that he looked so defeated, and she wished that things were like they had been in the past when she could have just hit him upside the head or given him a challenge to snap him out of his funk, and she bit her lip. _Natsu_ …As much as she hated to admit it, she could understand what Mira was saying, but she knew that they couldn’t all begin to think like that, or they’d have lost the battle before it had even begun. “But we can’t let him give up, and Mira…” She waited until Mira had turned to look at her, before adding far more confidently that she felt. “We can’t give up.”

“I’m not,” Mira whispered, her eyes stinging as her gaze drifted back to Natsu, catching the way he had stiffened at her words and she knew that he had heard at least that much. “I won’t, not until the very end.”

_Do you hear that Natsu Dragneel? I won’t give up on you…_

****

   Erza had called a halt for an early lunch, pretending to be hungrier than she actually was after realising how far Natsu had fallen behind, and exchanging a worried glance with the others when he hadn’t even put up a token protest before collapsing in a heap. He was still keeping himself apart from the rest of them, although he managed to converse with Happy for a few minutes when the worried Exceed settled beside him, and they caught a brief flicker of a smile when the cat offered to sacrifice his fish if Natsu would rather it that. It reassured them that the Dragon-slayer wasn’t slipping completely back into the funk he had been in before they’d arranged this trip, however, his answers were still shorter than normal when any of the others tried to talk to him. However, given that his head had begun to bob slightly a few minutes later, it dawned on them that it wasn’t just a bad mood.

   They had been hoping to reach the next town before evening, but when Natsu lost his fight against sleep a short while later, leaning back against the tree and looking more peaceful than he had all morning, they didn’t have the heart to disturb him. Besides Porlyusica had been very clear in her instructions that they were to let Natsu dictate their pace, and what they did on this trip, although she had acknowledged that a lot of it would be up to their own judgement as the Dragon-slayer was still too stubborn to admit when he needed help. However, it was rather hard to ignore how exhausted he was just after a couple of hours of walking, and slow walking at that, and as they broke out into quiet conversation, more than one worried pair of eyes lingered on the sleeping Fire mage.

**

   Natsu felt marginally better when he stirred a couple of hours later. He hadn’t slept well the night before, not after the revelations that had hit him after his conversation with Mira, and he knew that he had been taking it out on the others. The worst bit though had been knowing that he had hurt Mira by avoiding her, but he didn’t know what else to do. He wanted to let her in, to keep her close because even after hearing her talk about her doubts with Lucy, he still trusted her to believe in him, but at the same time, he wasn’t sure that he could, not without wanting more. Not without wanting something that he had no right to demand from her, not when he could very well end up leaving her behind sooner rather than later. _Mira…_

   Yawning he rubbed at his eyes, before frowning as he realised that they were still sat where they had stopped for their lunch, and there was a sinking feeling in his stomach as it dawned on him that they must have stopped for his sake. _Damn it…_

“Natsu? Are you feeling better?” Lucy had moved across to his side, smiling at him, and he fought back the urge to growl at her. _I don’t want to be a burden_ … He could see the concern behind the smile, and a quick glance around showed that the others had all paused in what they were doing and were now watching him with worried eyes and he lowered his eyes. _Damn it…_

“I’m fine, sorry for falling asleep,” he muttered, worry churning in his stomach. He knew that they had moving slower than usual because of him, and that was despite the fact that his magic had been relatively settled over the past few days. He was flagging already, and it scared him to imagine how much worse it could become in the future. He was startled out of his increasingly dark thoughts by a warm hand coming to rest on his shoulder, and he glanced up to see Lucy still smiling at him, although it was less shadowed by concern than it had been before.

“You don’t need to apologise, we’ve got time to spare,” she reassured him, and he knew her well enough to know that there was no hint of a lie in her words, but still…his brow furrowed as he glanced at the others, seeing no sign of argument in their expressions. _Had they planned for this? Had they anticipated that he was going to flag? Am I the only one still living in denial…?_ He had accepted that he couldn’t work on this trip, that there were going to be times when he had to stay in camp while they were out there fighting, but it had never occurred to him, that he wasn’t even going to be able to cope with the simpler aspects of the trip and his hands clenched. _I'm already a burden…_

“But…”

“It’s fine,” Erza cut across his attempt to protest, glancing down at the flyer that she and Gray had just been reading over. “We’ve got a job in the next town, but we’re not supposed to be starting it until tomorrow at the earliest.” They all caught the way that Natsu’s brow tensed at the mention of a job, and she hastily continued before he could get too hung up on what he was missing out on. “We should be there by late afternoon, even with…” Gray elbowed her sharply in the side, knowing that she was about to mention the fact that they had been going slower than anticipated even before the impromptu break. Well aware that Natsu wasn’t going to react well to it being said aloud, especially given what his mood had been like earlier, although it seemed as though the nap had done some good. “It means we’ll be staying put for a couple of days, and the town is supposed to be quite nice if you don’t want to stay in camp.”

   _You should rest._ He heard the unspoken part of her words, and his eyes stung fiercely even as he gave a tight nod in response, not trusting himself to speak at the moment. Instead, he found his gaze drifting across to Mira, realising that if they were all going to be out on a job, then he was going to be left alone with her, and for a moment she met his gaze, and he swallowed before glancing away again, although not quickly enough to miss the hurt that flickered through her gaze.

“We should get moving then,” he said quietly, pushing himself to his feet, steadying himself with the tree he’d been leaning against.

“Natsu…”

“I’m fine!” It came out more snappishly than he’d intended, and he heard the sharp intakes of breath that met his words, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. “Sorry, let’s just go,” he muttered, grabbing his bag before anyone could try and suggest carrying it for him and turning towards them with expectant eyes. He could see that they weren’t happy about it, but there must’ve been something in his expression that stopped them from saying anything, and he let out a soft sigh of relief when they began gathering their stuff together.

I won’t be a burden. I won’t.

**

   It had been getting dark by the time the lights of the town had come into the sight, as despite his best intentions Natsu hadn’t been able to maintain the speed he’d set after his nap. Nor had he been able to hide his relief or exhaustion when Gray and Erza had declared that they were halting for the night. They’d never intended to stay in the town thankfully, as he didn’t think he could even make it that far at the moment, although the fact that they were avoiding towns because of the danger posed by his outbursts was another sore point. His exhaustion and the irritation he felt towards the weakness engulfing made him snappish, but he did his best to contain it, refusing their offers to let him rest while they set up camp even though his body was screaming at him to rest, his magic stirring in response to his agitation.

   Conversation had been tense during their meal, even with Natsu visibly putting in an effort to be more involved than he had that morning. Not helped by the fact that Mira seemed unable to focus on anything but the Dragon-slayer who was still avoiding her gaze and questions as much as possible, and they were unsurprised when Natsu had shot to his feet as soon as they had finished eating, mumbling some half-formed excuse before heading into the trees. None of them had missed the unsteadiness to his gait, and they exchanged worried looks before Lucy sighed, hesitating for a moment before rising to her feet and chasing after him, gesturing for Happy to stay behind when the Exceed made as though to follow them.

   It was depressingly easy to track the Dragon-slayer, even though the light was fading quickly now as she cautiously made her way through the trees. They had noticed it the other night, but at times flickers of flame would race across his skin, not enough to cause alarm or damage anything, but a reminder that his magic wasn’t under his control anymore. Even now she could see it, just odd glimpses of flame, although it seemed more frequent than it had been the previous nights and she bit her lip, well aware that was a good indicator of how his emotions were doing. _Not well then_ , she thought with a sigh, and she was so caught up in that thought that she nearly collided with Natsu who’d come to an abrupt halt when he realised that she was following him.

“What do you want Lucy?” There was no irritation in his voice, just a weary acceptance as though realising that there was no way they would let him out of their sight at the moment, and she sighed before stepping forward and grasping his hand.

“Come and sit with me,” she ordered softly, and he allowed her to pull him down to the ground, although in the end, he had to pull her to the side before she could sit on a rather sharp-looking rock, brushing off her thanks as they settled on the ground. Lucy grumbling about being unable to see, before she cut herself off as it occurred to her that it would only remind Natsu of the fact that he could no longer give them proper light as he once had. Cursing silently she leant against him, frowning as she realised just how warm he was, although the flicker of flame that brushed against her a moment was completely harmless. “Did something happen?” Lucy asked cautiously when the silence between them stretched on for too long, catching the way that Natsu tensed at the question and her breath caught as the flicker of flames intensified for a moment.

“No…”

“Natsu…”

“It’s nothing,” Natsu snarled, blanching as she flinched at his tone and he sighed, rubbing a weary hand across his face. _What am I doing?_ He took a deep breath before gently nudging her, waiting until she had turned to look at him before murmuring quietly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you.” There was no way he was going to mention the way his magic had bubbled up in response to his irritation, and he couldn’t stop himself from rubbing anxiously at the bracelet, missing the way her eyes tracked the motion for a moment before she reached out to stop him.

“It’s okay.”

“Stop excusing me,” he muttered, tugging his hand free of hers and glaring down at the bracelet once more. They were using it as an excuse, and he didn’t want that, he didn’t want it to have that kind of power in his life. “I shouldn’t be snapping at you, and I shouldn’t be pushing you away.” That was what had caused the problems in the first place, but whereas they had been angry at the start, now they seemed to be going out of their way to be understanding, and that scared him.

“So why are you?” Lucy asked, no hint of accusation in her voice just curiosity and Natsu worried his bottom lip, wondering whether she would understand if he could put it into words, only to stiffen as she asked softly. “Why are you pushing Mira away?”

“I…”

“I can’t help unless you speak to me.”

“I know…” Natsu whispered, and he did. It was just terrifying to think about what he had realised, let alone thinking about speaking about it aloud. But his sharp eyes could see the worried expression on her face, the desire to understand and help, and her hand had slipped around his once more, and she squeezed softly as though sensing that he was wavering. He swallowed nervously, straining his ears to make sure that no one else was in hearing range while he struggled to come up with the words to say what needed to be said, worrying his lip again before speaking softly. “I-I started to see her differently.”

“As more than a friend?”

“You knew?”

“We guessed,” Lucy admitted, trying to hide her surprise at the fact that Natsu had realised what was going on. She had honestly thought that either they were going to have to intervene, or Mira would act when she got fed up of waiting; however, the lack of happiness in his voice worried her. She had seen how he was around the Take-over mage, how he had begun to turn to her before them, and she had hoped that it would blossom into something more. That it would give him something to hold onto and fight for. _So what went wrong?_

“We?”

“Gray and me, and possibly the others as well,” she replied and feeling the fresh tension that had entered his body she frowned before adding hastily. “We haven’t said anything to Mira though.” _Yet,_ she added silently, and she was glad that she had kept that thought private when she caught the sheer relief in his response.

“Good…”

“Natsu?”

“How can I? How can I look at her differently? How can I treat her as more than a friend?” The Dragon-slayer sounded close to tears, and Lucy felt her mouth dropping open at the self-recrimination in his voice, and she gripped his hand tighter. _Natsu, what are you saying?_ She heard him sniffling as he drew in a ragged breath, his voice dropping until she could barely hear him. “I don’t have the right.”

“Of course you do!” Lucy countered at once, refusing to let him think like that, unable to understand where those thoughts had even come from. _Not have the right_? She refused to believe that there was anyone undeserving of that kind of love, and after everything, Natsu and Mira had been through, and what might still lay ahead of them, she couldn’t think of people who deserved it more. “Natsu, you deserve this.”

“No!” Natsu’s shouted, yanking his hand out of hers before stumbling back to his feet, the air around him lighting up as the flickers swept over his skin once more and Lucy tensed as she realised that the temperature around them was rising. “I’M DYING!” It had clearly come out louder than he had intended because Natsu froze for a second, and all she could hear was his laboured breathing as he tried to get himself under control, relieved when the air cooled a little, although his next words broke her heart. “I’m dying, so what right do I have to want something more?”

“Natsu…” _Please don’t say that…._

“She had a nightmare about losing me. It’s something that she’s scared of, and that’s with us just being friends,” Natsu’s voice was soft once more, and he sounded utterly defeated. “If we were more…”

“That’s why you’ve been trying to push her away?” Lucy asked cautiously, feeling tears on her cheeks even before he replied. Because even now, after everything he had done for them, after he had wound up in his current state because of those actions he was still trying to protect people…trying to protect them, to protect Mira.

“Yes…”

“You’re an idiot,” she stated firmly, rising to her feet and reaching out for him, using the continuing flickers of flame to guide her to him and before he could protest she had drawn him into a tight hug. This close she could feel his heart hammering in his chest, and the dampness on his cheek and she tightened her arms around him. “You really are.”

“Lucy…”

“Don’t you realise?” She asked, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair, feeling him begin to tremble against her. _Natsu_ … “It’s already more than friendship on her side as well. She loves you, or she’s well on her way to.”

“But…”

   Lucy sighed, realising that he was no state to believe her words at the moment and as much as she wanted to open his eyes. To make him see that these feelings weren’t one-sided and that he deserved to have that kind of happiness, she could tell that his magic was still close to the surface and she didn’t want to push him over the edge.

“You don’t have to believe me now,” she said softly, pulling back so that she could peer up into his face, knowing that he could see her clearly even though all she could make out at the moment was a dark blur, reaching up blindly to brush away his tears. “But, you need to stop pushing her away. Even if you can’t let it become something more, there is nothing wrong with being friends and you’re just hurting her and yourself by keeping her at arm’s length.” She knew just how stubborn he could be, but she hoped that if they could at least bridge the current distance between the pair, there might still be a chance that he would give in to those feelings.

“I’m scared…”

“I know,” she soothed him even as her heart broke at his words, Natsu wasn’t supposed to be scared. He had always been the one with the courage to spare no matter how dark the situation became, but he wasn’t strong enough this time, and she hoped that she could fill the gap a little. Strengthening her voice, she let her fingers rest against his cheek. “But please, let her in.”

**

   The others were waiting for them when they stumbled back into camp nearly half an hour later, and Lucy knew that it was only her frantic head shake that stopped them from demanding answers as they could all see the evidence of tears on the Dragon-slayer’s face. And probably her own, she realised as she noticed the grainy feeling in her eyes for the first time. Feeling Natsu hesitating beside her, she gave him a gentle nudge and a pointed glare when he turned to look at her.

“Mira, will you share with me again tonight?” Natsu’s voice was quiet and uncertain, and Lucy glanced urgently towards the Take-over mage knowing that her best friend wouldn’t be able to handle rejection at the moment, but she needn’t have worried because Mira had already bounced to her feet, a warm smile spreading across her lips.

“Of course,” there was no inflection in her voice, nothing to indicate how much the silence and his actions during the day must’ve hurt, and she had moved across to Natsu before he had even fully registered her answer.

“Mira…”

“Come on you look exhausted,” Mira cut across him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and steering him towards their tent, and he obediently let her guide him, and Lucy caught the way he leaned into her for a moment before they disappeared from sight. He hadn’t been convinced by her words, but he had agreed to try and at least continue like normal, and for now that was enough, but still, Lucy couldn’t help but hope that there would be a way to make him realise he did have the right to ask for more.

_Natsu…_


	27. Chapter 27

 

   Mira woke first the next morning, rolling over so that she could study Natsu. She would be lying if she said his odd behaviour from the day before hadn’t worried her…hadn’t hurt, even though she wasn’t sure why and she sighed as gazed at his pale face _. Natsu._ He had been plagued with nightmares again during the night, never bad enough to wake him up completely, but enough to make them both restless and she couldn’t help but feel it was somehow linked to whatever had been bothering him the day before. _Why are you hiding things from me again?_ She had wanted to ask that the night before as well, but even before she had seen Lucy frantically shaking her head, she had known that now wasn’t the time to demand answers from him, but still it bothered her. What made it worse was that he had obviously opened up, at least a little to the Celestial mage while they’d be gone. It was stupid to be jealous, she knew that, as the pair had been best friends since they’d met, but still, she couldn’t help but wish it had been her that Natsu had decided to turn to.

“Please, don’t push me away,” she whispered, reaching out cautiously to brush a wayward tuft of hair out of his face, freezing when he stirred with a soft noise. However, after a moment he settled once more, a peaceful expression stealing across his face as he pressed into her hand. _Natsu what are you doing to me?_ She had known things were changing between them, it had become blatantly obvious the day they had left and the feelings that had been stirred up by her own nightmares had told her that transition was further along that she had realised, and for the first time, she found herself not knowing what to do. In the past, and maybe even just a day or so ago before he had pulled away, she might have said something or tried something, to see what it could become. But he had pulled away. _Did he realise that things were changing? Was it something he didn't want? She_ was wary of pushing the issue, well aware that his emotions were all over at the moment, and yet as she stared at his face she couldn’t help but wish that she could come out and ask.

   Sighing she pulled her hand free and rolled onto her back, staring blankly up at the canvas ceiling as she contemplated the day ahead. With the others going on a job it was going to just be the two of them, Natsu had insisted that Happy go with Lucy since he couldn’t be there, and she had been looking forward to a day with just the two of them. It had been nice to see him opening up and enjoying some normality on the trip, but she had been missing all the time they had been spending with either just the two of them or the three of them if Happy was around. However, now she wasn’t sure how the day was going to go, and she worried her bottom lip. _Maybe I should get Happy to stay after all? If I tell him I’m worried about Natsu, I’m sure he’d agree…_

“Jewel for your thoughts?” The sleepy voice made her jump, and she twisted to find Natsu peering at her with half-open eyes, and despite her worries she couldn’t help but smile at the sight, her eyes softening as he reached up to rub at his eyes.

“Is that all they’re worth?” She asked teasingly, and he opened his mouth to reply, only to silence himself as an odd expression passed over his face. Mira wanted to ask what was wrong, to know what he’d just been about to say, but she could practically feel him pulling away, and she caught the way his eyes flickered nervously towards the bracelet around his wrist. “I was just thinking about what we’re going to do today,” she added, hoping the change of topic would stop him from retreating completely, and it wasn’t entirely a lie.

“We’re still going into town aren’t we?” He asked, and she was relieved that he seemed willing to continue the conversation, although she caught the note of worry in his voice. Neither of them had missed that Erza had been hinting that he should take the opportunity to spend the day resting, and she hadn’t missed the pleading in his voice the night before when he had told her that he wanted to go into the town.

“Of course,” she agreed with a soft smile. While she could see where Erza was coming from, as it was clear that just travelling was tiring him far more than they had anticipated, the whole point of this trip was to give him some normality. Besides, she had no intention of letting him out of her sight, and she was determined to make sure they just had a lazy day of wandering around. Neither of them had been to Lirioden before so they could take their time exploring and have a break for lunch. “I promised didn’t I?” She reminded him gently, earning a small smile as he nodded.

“Thank you...”

**

   Breakfast had been marginally less tense than the day before, although they could see that the Dragon-slayer was bothered by the thought of them going on a job without him, even if he had known from the start that was going to be what had to happen. Every now and then there was a slight flinch as they chatted amongst themselves about the job, and they quickly abandoned the topic, deciding to at least spare him from that and instead Erza had turned towards him with a soft smile.

“What are you two going to do today?”

“We’re going to have a wander around the town,” Natsu mumbled, glancing shyly towards Mira who was currently distracted by trying to stop Wendy from helping her to clean up as the younger girl had helped with the food. A small smile tugging at his lips as he watched the Take-over mage eventually admit defeat when Gray moved across to help as well. Erza frowned lightly at the response, wishing that she could just tell him to stay in the camp and rest for the day, especially as it was clear that neither he or Mira had slept well. However, there was a restlessness that concerned her nearly as much as his exhaustion, and she could see that he needed to do something to take the edge off and help him forget that they were all going to be on a job without him.

“Just take it easy,” she cautioned, getting a sharp nod and somewhat irritable glance from the Dragon-slayer in response, but she wasn’t going to take the warning back, well aware that Natsu probably still hadn’t fully accepted the limitations of his current situation.

“Are you going on a date?” Happy asked with a smile as he moved closer to Natsu, appearing utterly innocent as he peered up at his partner, but the Dragon-slayer wasn’t fooled in the slightest. He had raised the Exceed, after all so he could spot the mischief lurking in his gaze. Besides the blasted cat tended to have a romantic streak that put Lucy’s to shame, and Natsu could feel his cheeks heating up merely at the thought of it, and he had to fight the urge to glance back across at Mira.

“It’s not a date,” he finally managed to force out, hands clenching at his sides as he recalled the events of that night and the realisation that had hit him just as they were falling asleep and he hoped that his feelings weren’t written across his face. “You’re all going to be working, and it’d be boring to just stay in camp all day, especially since we’re so close to a town and all.” To be honest, he wouldn’t have minded just staying at the camp, but the thought of the others being out on a job without him was already agitating him, and he hoped that spending the day in town would stop his magic from reaching the point of an outburst.

_It’s not a date. It can’t be a date…_

**

   As soon as everything was cleaned up and put away, they headed into the town and Lucy was relieved to see Natsu and Mira walking closely together and murmuring amongst themselves, and she caught Gray watching them out of the corner of his eye as well. He had tried to ask her what had happened the night before, but she had kept quiet. He might be aware that their friends were getting closer, but she had a feeling that Natsu wasn’t ready for his doubts to be shared. Hell, she doubted that the Dragon-slayer would’ve said anything to her if he’d had a choice, besides he seemed to be trying to act like everything was normal and she wasn’t about to let anything disturb that, slipping across to the Ice mage and nudging him sharply to stop him before the Dragon-slayer noticed.

“Let them be,” she whispered, hoping that Natsu was too distracted to be listening. Gray glowered at her for a moment, before sighing and nodding before a slightly wicked smile tugged at his lips, and he glanced across at where Happy was walking with Carla and trying to get the other Exceed to laugh at his attempts at joking.

“Did you hear Happy teasing him earlier?”

“Yeah…” Lucy couldn’t quite stop herself from smiling at the memory. Well aware that Happy was even worse than her when it came to romance, her cheeks heating up at the thought of all the time he had teased her and Natsu, and her and Loke…she grumbled under her breath, resolving to make sure to tease him at some point as she caught Carla turning away with a huff. Gray’s smile had broken out into a wide grin, and she could see him eyeing up Natsu, and she sighed as she guessed where his thoughts had gone.

“I…”

“Leave them be!” She cut him off hastily, cursing when she realised she had been louder than intended, and she forced a smile the others glanced towards them curiously. As soon as they had turned back to their own conversations, she rounded on the Ice mage, glowering at him, and feeling a hint of satisfaction when he gulped. “Leave them alone, all right. If not I might have to tell Juvia you had girls falling for you everywhere we went on this trip.” His eye twitched at the threat, and she could tell that he was weighing whether it was worth risking it and how likely she was to go through with it, and she narrowed her eyes as he glanced at her, and after a moment he let out a defeated huff.

“Fine…”

**

   They had parted ways at the outskirts of town, and they had all been able to see the longing in the Dragon-slayer’s eyes as he watched the rest of them go. However, Mira had been quick to slip her arm into his and drag him away, chatting away animatedly and the last glimpse they had of him, was Natsu smiling slightly as he let him be pulled along. It was odd leaving him behind, aside from the job just after they’d had their argument, they couldn’t really remember the last time they’d been on a job without the whole team there, and they were all somewhat quiet as they headed towards where they meeting the client…the thought that this might become a permanent thing weighing heavily on them, along with the terrifying thought of why that might happen.

****

   Despite his lingering fears, Natsu found himself relaxing as they meandered through the streets of Lirioden. It was older than Magnolia and was made up of seemingly endless winding streets, and he was perfectly content to follow Mira, listening with a smile as she chatted away. It took an hour or so for him to completely drag his thoughts away from what the others were doing, what the job was, what he should have been doing. But eventually those thoughts disappeared, and he found himself focusing more and more on what Mira was saying, although he found Lucy’s words echoing in his mind the whole time and more than once he found himself staring down at where the Take-over mage had her arm entwined around his. _It’s not a date, we’re just friends_ …

   As they headed up towards the higher part of the city, they came across a small market area, and Natsu found himself being tugged along by an excited Mira. As she muttered something about finding a present for her brother and sister, it occurred to him that this was the first time she had been on a prolonged trip from the guild since before Lisanna had ‘died’, and he found himself swallowing hard around a sudden lump in his throat. _Mira_ …Her entire life was centred around the guild and Magnolia, and yet she had come on this trip without the slightest hint of hesitation, all because of him. All for his sake. ‘ _Don’t you realise? It’s already more than friendship on her side as well. She loves you, or she’s well on her way to'_ , he blinked and glanced sideways at her. There was a soft smile on her lips as she leant in to study a display of glass blown animals, and he caught the way her fingers lingered on a dragon ornament for a moment before she reached for a pretty tiger made of blues, purples and clear glass. It was pretty, and he knew that she was thinking about Lisanna, and he pulled free so that she could may, murmuring something about looking at something across the way and telling her to catch up when she was done.

   His thoughts were racing as he wandered along the row of stores, staring at the wares without really seeing them. _I want it. I shouldn’t, but I do…_ His smile was a little strained when she caught up with him a few minutes later, but she either didn’t notice or chose not to comment, instead tugging him across to another store and he followed, barely noticing as her hand slipped into his a few minutes later.

_What am I going to do?_

****

   Makarov rubbed a weary hand across his face as he settled down at his desk, trying not to glance at the pile of paperwork still waiting to be dealt with, or the pile of research notes they had managed to gather from the Guild library. All mentioning various issues with magic, but nothing that seemed to come remotely close to what was happening with Natsu. The only good news he seemed to have at the moment, was that there had been no news from Erza and the others, and he knew that they wouldn’t have hesitated to contact him if something had happened, regardless of what Natsu himself wanted. Still, he found himself worrying about the teens, still not entirely happy that they had taken Natsu away from the guild, although there had been no denying how happy he had looked when they’d told him about Mira’s plan.

_It isn’t fair._ Porlyusica had been keeping him updated on her progress, warning him that they were fast exhausting the resources in Magnolia, and for the first time, he honestly found himself wondering whether this was a fight they could win. _We have to_ …He glanced across at the far wall of his office, the entire wall was covered in pictures that Reedus had painted of the guild at various times over the years, and Natsu was a prominent feature in so many of them. He really was the heart of the guild, and Makarov’s hands tightened against the desk.

_We can’t lose him…_

****

   Eventually, they had exhausted the market, although Natsu had managed to slip away from her side for a moment when she was distracted trying to find a present for Elfman. Just as they headed off down one of the side-streets leading higher into the city, he pulled her aside, struggling not to blush as he shyly handed her the tissue-wrapped item he had been trying to hide from her for the last few minutes.

“Here…” He could feel his cheeks turning red as she glanced at him in surprise for a moment, hesitating for a moment before she took it from him, glancing at him again before carefully beginning to unwrap it and he found himself babbling slightly. “It’s not much, but…” He had never really been great at buying presents, but usually, his teammates were reasonably easy to shop for. Erza either wanted cake or supplies to take of her armour, Lucy was always looking for books and if she didn’t mention one that she wanted he could ask Levy for advice. Wendy liked sweets, and he and Gray had long since started trading jokey gifts, so he never had to worry about that. Somehow, this felt completely different, and he found himself staring at the floor, suddenly frightened about her reaction.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered, and he nervously glanced up to see her staring down at the little green dragon she had been looking at earlier, a smile on her face, and he felt his spirits rising. Before he could react she had closed the distance between them, the glass dragon cradled against her, and her lips gently brushing his cheek. “Thank you…”

“Y-your welcome,” he found himself stammering, raising a hand to touch the spot she had just kissed. His doubts were still screaming in the back of his mind, but for now, he wasn’t listening to them, instead watching with warm eyes as she carefully re-wrapped the dragon and stored it away in her bag, her fingers lingering on it for a moment too long.

“Let’s go and get some lunch,” she suggests once she was done, and he nodded, unable to get his voice to work, and he was happy when she entwined her arm with his once more, leading him along the street. Mira was relieved in a way that he seemed content to be quiet for the moment, as inside she was squealing, her free hand slipping down to rest against her bag. She had been drawn to the dragon figurine because the green glass it was made of reminded her of Natsu’s eyes. But she hadn’t dared to buy it in front of him, and she still couldn’t believe that he had both noticed her looking at it and snuck away to get it for her, and she squeezed his arm gently.

_Thank you…_

**

   They had found a small café to have lunch in that offered them a view out over the lower city, and which sold Natsu’s favourite Fire Chicken. Mira had seen the way his eyes had lit up as he caught sight of the menu, and had immediately dragged him over, wanting to keep that spark going. He had been doing his best to act normally all morning, but every now and then his mask had slipped, giving her a glimpse of the worries that she still didn’t understand. But now as they settled at their table and ordered, she saw a hint of the normal Natsu showing through, and she smiled warmly at him when he glanced up at her, relieved when she got a small grin in return. _This is the Natsu I want to see…_

   Their food arrived and they tucked in, chatting quietly about what to do for the rest of the day and about the plans for the next part of their trip, carefully skirting around anything to do with the job that the others were currently on, what had happened after they left the market or the tension from the previous day. It was only when there was a lull in the conversation that Mira realised that Natsu had slowed down and was now picking at his meal, startled to realise just how much was left, as she knew from serving him back at the guild just how quickly he could devour food and especially this dish. It was when she caught the slight tremor in his hand, and the slight fluctuation in the heat that came with it that she leant forward, and brushed her fingers against his hand to get his attention.

“Are you all right?”

“I can’t eat it all…” He glanced up at her briefly, and she was struck by the raw emotion in his eyes before he glanced away. Natsu was struggling not to completely lose it. It was such a stupid thing to be getting upset about, and he was horrified to find his eyes stinging, and he glanced down as he struggled to blink them away. _I can’t cry over this, we were having such a good day…I can’t let this ruin it. Why is this bothering me so much?_ His fingers tightened around his cutlery for a moment, before he set them aside, a feeling of helplessness pressing in on him. “I…” In the past, the whole plate would have been empty by now, and he would have been on seconds if not thirds, but now the meal seemed insurmountable, and his stomach churned. It had been happening more and more, and he hated it. Compared to everything else it was a minor change, and yet at the same time, it was another reminder that something was wrong, and that everything was changing.

“Natsu…” Mira began before trailing off, not sure what she could say to make this better. They had all noticed his declining appetite, but while he had clearly been aware of it as well, it had never triggered this kind of reaction. Although catching a glimpse of the conflicted emotions in his eyes, she realised that it wasn’t so much the fact that he couldn’t manage all the food, but rather the why, and everything else that came along with it. _I can’t change that for him_ …She could be there for him, offer him comfort and encouragement, but she couldn’t resolve the problem itself, and she hated it. Still, she couldn’t ignore the way the temperature around them was starting to increase, and she reached out to grab his hand. “Natsu, it’s all right.”

“It’s not…” Natsu shook his head but made no effort to pull away from her. “I hate this…I just want to be normal!” It was the first time she had heard him properly railing against his situation, and her heart clenched as she recalled how vehemently he had protested regretting the actions that had ultimately led to the current situation, and she wondered if that was something else that was changing.

“You are normal!” Mira insisted firmly, tightening her hold on his hand. “Not being able to eat all your lunch does not change that.”

“I know…”

“It’s just another sign of things changing,” she finished for him, and after a moment he gave a tiny nod, somehow unsurprised that she had understood but unable to find a way to respond verbally and Mira sighed. “Natsu…”

“Sorry,” the Fire mage mumbled, hearing the conflicted note in her voice and feeling guilty for putting a downer on what had been a great day so far. “Just forget it, I'm being silly.” He shuddered slightly, curling in on himself slightly as he felt his magic dancing just beneath his skin and he squeezed his eyes shut. _Not now…Not now_. He could feel Mira’s hand tightening around his, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her, instead adding unsteadily. “I’m okay.” Missing the pained look in her eyes as she caught the tears that he hadn’t even noticed trickling down his cheeks, or the way she opened her mouth as though to try and say something comforting, only to snap it shut a moment later with a helpless expression on her face.

_No,_ _you’re not…_

 


	28. Chapter 28

 

   They had heard rumours that there was something more to this job than had been stated in the flyer they’d taken from the guild, several of the others including Juvia had passed through the area lately and warned them of the odd atmosphere in the town. However, the job of suppressing a small bandits’ guild in the area around the town had been well paid, and considering their experience it had seemed simple enough, not to mention it fit in nicely on the route Mira had come up with for the trip. And it had just rumours. And even their first impression of their town after splitting from Natsu and Mira had cast doubts on those rumours. It was an old-fashioned town, small but with a pleasant feel and their client, a member of the merchants’ guild that had been suffering significant losses because of the bandit raids, had been pleasant and welcoming, seeming genuinely relieved for their arrival.

   It had taken them precisely a minute after bursting into the guild building to realise that the rumours had if anything been understating things. Because while the exterior of the building had been enough to support the idea that this was a small, relatively powerless albeit troublesome guild, the inside had been far too grand for a guild relying on raids, and the numbers had been nothing like they had been led to expect. They had only had chance to exchange an alarmed glance before their presence, which they’d made no effort to mask having expected fewer opponents, was discovered and all their battle plans were thrown out of the window.

   The battle hadn’t stayed constrained to the building for long, spreading out into the surrounding trees as they found themselves being forced to split up. Gray had found himself alone, and as he fought, he realised that he missed the familiar warm presence that he had come to expect at his back and he had faltered slightly as he realised that he might not get to have that reliable warmth at his back again. He cried out as he was sent flying to the ground, and for a split second, he laid there winded, only forcing himself to move again when he heard Lucy shouting nearby. With difficulty he pushed his thoughts about Natsu to the side for a moment, icing the bandit that sprang at him to the floor and ducking under his weapon as he took off in the direction of Lucy’s voice.

   He reached her just in time to see her being flung backwards, Aries disappearing in front of her with a cry of pain and apology having clearly taken the worst of the attack to shield Lucy. Three mages were pressing in on the blonde, and he sprang between her, ice forming in front of them as the mages launched their attack.

“Damn it,” Gray snarled as his ice shield shuddered under the continuous attacks, sweat dripping down his forehead as he fought to keep it intact, risking a quick glance over his shoulder at the stunned Celestial mage who was shakily making her way back to her feet. “Lucy are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” Lucy replied after a moment, taking stock of her injuries and promptly dismissing them as she turned to face him. “We can’t let this spread into the town!” It would be bad on all accounts if this fight got taken onto the streets, as there was too much chance of civilians getting dragged into the mess and injured, let alone the structural damage they would cause. But if she was honest, it wasn’t the possible civilians who could get caught up in this that she was focusing, but rather a certain pink-haired Dragon-slayer who was somewhere in town. She definitely didn’t want him involved in this, well aware that he would forget all about his own condition and the restrictions on his use of magic if he thought for a moment that it was necessary to protect them.

“I know,” Gray muttered, well aware of where her thoughts had gone as that had been his first thought when he realised they were so close to the town. The only consolation was that Mira was him, and he knew that the Take-over mage would do everything in her power to keep Natsu out of this mess.

_But he’s the most stubborn, flame-brained idiot I’ve ever met…_

****

   Natsu felt guilty as they headed back through town, the mood from earlier ruined by what had happened at lunch and he kept glancing at Mira, wanting to say something. Even if it was only to apologise for ruining what had been a good day beforehand, but the words kept catching in his throat and in the end, he settled for following her. Focusing on taking deep, steadying breaths as his magic was far more active than it had been for days and the last thing he wanted to deal with now was an outburst, even if the bracelet would protect the people around him. It was reassuring to have that safety blanket in place, but he didn’t want to rely on it too much, and an outburst really would just destroy what good could be taken from their day out.

“Natsu…” Mira began hesitantly, the silence becoming too painful too much for her to bear, and she was worried about leaving him alone with his thoughts after his near breakdown just a short while before, and she reached out to grab his hand, not liking how he was walking a little behind her. However, she froze, her fingers barely brushing his when there was a loud rumble on the far side of time, and they shared a brief glance as they spotted smoke rising towards the sky. “What was that?!” Before the Dragon-slayer could try and reply, the town was rocked by a series of explosions. Blasts that alarmingly seemed to be moving closer to them, and Natsu could make out the sound of fighting in the distance, and he paled as he caught a flash of crimson amongst the rising plumes of smoke.

“That’s…” Natsu trailed off, certain that he had just caught sight of Erza and he only realised that he’d taken an instinctive step towards the disturbance when his arm was grabbed and he was yanked backwards, and he turned startled eyes towards Mira who was staring at him with fierce eyes, and he frowned in confusion. “Mira?”

“You can’t fight…”

***

   Erza fought the urge to curse as the fight spilled into the town, blocking a blow and sending her opponent flying with a shout, only to be forced to duck as one of the shops ahead of her went up in flames as it was hit by a spell the shockwave forcing her back a few steps. _The Master is going to kill us,_ she thought as she went chasing after the culprit, but to be honest, that thought wasn’t the most pressing one. Although she usually would be even more worried about it because…because Natsu should be out there causing more havoc than the rest of them combined. Her mouth was a tight line as that thought sank in, her fingers tightening around her sword and she took down her target with more force than necessary, dropping him with a single blow.

   Taking a moment to catch her breath she glanced around, torn between hoping that she would spot Natsu and Mira so that she knew where the Dragon-slayer was, and hoping that there was no sign of them, and that was a sign that the other girl had managed to get Natsu out of here before this mess unfolded. Because she knew Natsu, and while he had promised that he wouldn’t fight and that he wouldn’t do anything to exacerbate his situation, there would be no way he would be able to resist fighting if he was dragged into this mess. _He was made to fight…_ No matter how many times she had worried about him or nagged at him for the sheer level of destruction he could cause when he was carried away, she trusted him completely because of that skill. And it was unnerving to think that, that element of their friendship was changing and that she was now worried about him more than anyone, and not for the same reasons.

_Natsu, please be safe..._

**

_‘You can’t fight.’_

   It had felt like all the breath had been driven out of his lungs as Mira’s words registered, and he could only stare at her with wide eyes as hurt blossomed in his chest and he made no move to resist as she dragged him aside. The townspeople had started to realise what was happening around them, and the street which before had been full of content people going about their business had turned into a river of chaos, and Natsu was buffeted from all directions as Mira pulled him towards one of the side-streets, both of them flinching as another explosion rocked the area.

“Stay here!” Mira ordered as soon as they reached the alleyway, glancing around to make sure there was no sign of danger, although she realised that it might not remain safe for long as even she could hear the sounds of fighting now. But at least if she knew where Natsu was, she would be able to focus on keeping the fighting away from him, and she began to turn away, her magic rising to the surface. It had been a while since she had fought properly, but there was no way she was letting them get too close to Natsu, but before she could move too far Natsu’s hand had reached out to grab her.

“But…” He whispered in protest, and she turned to face him properly, reaching up to grab his shoulders so that she could hold him in place and make sure that he actually heard what she was saying.

“Natsu,” Mira’s grip on his shoulder tightened, and she made sure that he was holding her gaze before adding sternly. You can’t fight! You know that right?” She felt terrible for having to say that, and the way she was saying it, especially after her frantic attempts over lunch to convince him that he was normal. However, she could feel the way his magic was beginning to fluctuate in response to the situation, and the thought of him getting caught up in this mess and trying to fight, making his own situation worse because of them…it sent a shard of ice through her. _I’m sorry Natsu, but I can’t let that happen._ He still had a mulish expression on his face, clearly trying not to hear her words, and she hesitated for a moment before her next words, knowing that it was fair to use them against him but unable to think of anything else that would break through his stubbornness. “You promised us, and you promised me.”

“I know…” Natsu had known that she was going to throw those promises at him, but it didn’t make it any less painful. He wanted to keep his promises he really did, but his eyes drifted to the evidence of fighting in the distance, and he swallowed slightly. “But…” _That was before all this happened. Before I needed to protect you_ , he knew better than to say that thought aloud, but she must have seen some of his thoughts written across his face as her eyes narrowed and she scowled at him.

“I can take care of myself,” she reminded him in a sharper tone than she had intended, touched that he wanted to protect her, but unable to bear the thought of it happening. _You idiot, you’re already in this state, because you fought too hard to protect us, how can you still want to keep protecting us?_ She could see it in his eyes though. It wasn’t that he doubted her strength or ability to fight, or that he doubted the rest of their friends, it was that he didn’t want to be protected by them and didn’t want to sit on the sidelines while they were risking themselves and her expression softened. _Natsu_ …Gently she reached out and cupped his cheek. “I know you want to fight, that you don’t want to be a burden. But you’re not… protecting you, fighting for you…that’s something we want to do.” _Something we need to do…_

“I…” Natsu swallowed thickly at the level of emotion in her voice, and he bowed his head with a defeated sigh. Even he knew that now wasn’t really the time to be arguing, even though something unpleasant twisted in his stomach at her words. _I am a burden_ … Nothing must’ve shown in his expression though, because she offered him a relieved smile in acceptance of his surrender, squeezing his shoulders softly before rising to her feet before pausing for a moment as she slipped her hand into her bag and pulling out the glass dragon he’d given her earlier, pressing it gently into his hands.

“Look after this for me,” she ordered softly, and he nodded, fingers tightening around the ornament as he fought the urge to reach out and stop her as she took off down the road. “Stay put, I’ll be back as soon as I can,” she called over her shoulder as she disappeared around the corner.

_Please Natsu, don’t do anything stupid_ …

**

   There had been no way to stop the fight breaking out into the town, and it hadn’t taken long to realise why the bandits had been so focused on herding them in that direction, as their numbers had swelled since they’d reached the town. Gray and Lucy had managed to stick together, and they had caught sight of Wendy and the Exceeds a couple of minutes before working on evacuating some of the townspeople who had been cut off from escape, and they knew from the sounds of intensive fighting from a couple of streets away that Erza was all right. But while they seemed to be making some headway against the numbers they were facing it was slow going, and neither of them could forget the fact that Natsu and Mira were probably somewhere in the town.

   The Ice mage was finding it hard to keep his focus on the fight at hand, and when Lucy was knocked back a moment later, he knew that she was having the same problem. _We can’t keep going like this_ …He knew from painful experience how costly it could be to be distracted on the battlefield, and he could hear Erza’s voice in the back of his head, lecturing both him and Natsu on staying focused and he swallowed thickly, cursing as his thoughts drifted to the Fire mage once more. _Stop it_ …One of them was going to have to go and find the idiot, and as much as he wanted to go, he knew that Lucy was the better choice at the moment as she had been the one to break through Natsu’s strange mood the other day. And he hoped that knowing that there was someone focused on finding the Dragon-slayer would leave him free to fight properly _._

   Lucy had already recovered and was reaching for a key, and Gray quickly moved to stand in front of her as one of the bandits charged at her, determined to stop her from getting embroiled in the fight once more.

“Go and find Natsu!” Gray shouted as he blocked the attack, glancing at Lucy who hesitated for a moment before nodding, her grip tightening on the handle of her whip as she turned and broke into a run, her willingness telling him that she had probably been wanting to do that ever since they had reached the town. He waited long enough to make sure she had got clear of the area without getting caught up in another fight, before turning his attention back to the bandits, dark eyes glistening with fury as he brought his hands together with more force than necessary. “Ice Make: Lance!”

_I won’t let you have your way. I won’t let you become a threat to him…_

**

   Natsu had frozen for a moment after Mira had disappeared, struggling to reconcile the chaos currently erupting around him with the peaceful town they had been walking through a few minutes before, and clenching his hands around the glass dragon as he felt his magic beginning to stir in response to his alarm. It was instinct to want to fight, and he growled as he tried to quash that urge _. I can’t fight. I can’t fight._ He had promised, and he had seen the fear and concern in Mira’s eyes when she had left him here, and he knew that he couldn’t give in to the urge. Cursing he huddled in on himself as he sank down against the wall, hating the situation, hating his weakness. Ashamed to realise that he was actually angry at Mira for being able to rush in, while he had to remain behind, and he slipped the dragon away into his pocket, before gritting his teeth as he buried his face against his knees. _It won’t be forever. One way or another it won’t be forever_ …

   More explosions ripped through the town, and he jolted at the noise, realising that the ground was shaking beneath him and it was that which forced him to lift his head to see what was happening, stunned to realise that one of the buildings on the main road was on fire. _It’s getting closer_ …Mira had told him to stay put, but apparently, that wasn’t going to be an option for much longer, and he stumbled back to his feet, grabbing the wall to steady himself as he felt his magic leaping in response to the increasing danger and hissing as flashes of pain lanced up his arm. _Not now_ …Biting his lip, he forced the magic down once more, fairly sure that he wouldn’t be able to do that for much longer, and he headed for the main street, sternly reminding himself that he just had to focus on getting to safety…that he wasn’t going to fight…that he wasn’t allowed to fight _. I would just get in the way anyway_ , he thought bitterly as he stepped out onto the main road once more, coming to a halt as he stared back up the hill they had been walking down not long before. Half the town seemed to be covered in smoke now, and his eyes widened, even as a small voice in the back of his mind pointed out that even if he had an outburst now, it would pale in comparison to all of this.

   He could still hear the sound of fighting in the distance, and if he focused, he could make out his teammates’ voices in amongst the screams and shouts of the townspeople _. I want to fight with them_. It was worse hearing them, and he was about to clamp his hands down on his ears to block out the noise when he paused, the sound of children screaming coming from far too close and his head shot up. Flames were spreading faster than ever, the air growing thicker with smoke around them and his nose wrinkled at the smell. It took him a long moment to spot the source of the screaming, and his heart leapt into his throat as he caught sight of the small group of children they had passed earlier. Realising that they were trapped by the spreading flames and he found himself moving forwards before he had consciously thought about what he was going to do, all thoughts of promises slipping from his mind.

_I’m sorry Mira…everyone…_ He thought as he broke into a run, ignoring his body as it protested the movement, not helped by the amount of smoke in the air. But he pushed all of that aside, focusing on the children and the fear he could see in their faces, feeling a pang in his chest. He had never felt that way about fire until he had realised just how dangerous his own flames could be, and his eyes flickered down to the bracelet on his wrist. _It’s okay, I can do this_ …It was a new feeling doubting his own ability to deal with this, and one that he never wanted to feel again, and he shoved it aside. Taking a deep breath as he reached the flames, hesitating for a brief second before beginning to devour the flames. It was something he missed he realised, savouring the taste for a moment, wondering how the same thing that had helped lead to his current situation could also be one of the things he enjoyed most.

   His brief flicker of enjoyment faded a moment later, pain erupting in his chest and he couldn’t stifle the gasp that escaped, his hands flying up as though he could do something to ease it. Yet he didn’t dare falter in his efforts, especially as the children had spotted him and watching him wide-eyed with a mixture of fear and hope written across their faces _. I can do this…I can do this…_ The words became a mantra in his head, the pain intensifying and he was barely managed to catch himself as his knees gave way beneath him. _It’s not supposed to hurt_ …Tears were stinging in his eyes now. His hands curling into fists against the ground as he felt his magic beginning to burn under his skin, fuelled by the fresh fuel, and he could feel the bracelet starting to heat up in response as it readied itself for the outburst that he realised there was going to be no way of stopping now.

   Whimpering softly, he lifted his head, sighing with relief as he swallowed the last bit of the flames, leaving a clear path for the children to get out. _Now I’m the biggest danger_ …He realised as he glanced down and saw sparks beginning to dance across his skin, and he gulped before turning his attention back to the children.

“Go!” He ordered, hoping that he looked less panicked that he felt, biting back another whimper. _Just a little longer. Please just let them get out of here_. “GO!” He roared when he realised they were hesitating, and finally, the older children began to herd the younger ones away and his lips quirked up in a slightly bitter smile as he realised they were giving him a wide berth as they broke into a run. _That’s right I’m the danger now…_

   They were still within hearing range, their feet pattering against the ground behind him when a sharp pain lanced through him and he doubled over with a loud cry, wrapping his arms around his stomach lurched violently, and he squeezed his eyes shut as it was followed by another spasm and then another. The colour draining from his face as he realised that he recognised this pain. _Damn it…_ There had been something about the feeling creeping through his body that had told him that this outburst was going to be worse than the others, but now that blossomed into full-blown terror, just as his stomach rolled violently and he was forced to twist to the side as he threw up what little lunch he had managed to eat. Vomiting hurt, and tears of pain rolled down his cheeks as he was finally able to roll aside, grimacing at the taste of copper on his lips. _I’m in trouble…_

   He wasn’t given a chance to worry about what he was going to do, his magic washing over him in a rush, tearing a scream from his lips as he writhed under the force of it. Unaware of the dragon in his pocket and the bracelet around his wrist shattering completely as flames sprang up across him, and he howled, feeling as though every part of his body was being torn apart at the seams and there was only one thought left as his world shrank down to the overwhelming pain.

_I’m not going to survive this…_


	29. Chapter 29

 

   Mira hadn’t been happy about leaving Natsu in the first place, but she knew that if he had got any closer to the chaos, there was no way he was going to remember that he couldn’t fight, but still she regretted some of her words. _I can’t lose him because he doesn’t know his own limits_ , she clung to that thought, that justification as she sped up, her magic washing over her as she sprang into the air to get a better look at the situation. It didn’t take her long to spot Wendy and Charla who were busy trying to help the townspeople escape from the spreading fire or to catch sight of the mages closing in on the pair who were completely focused on their task, and her heart leapt into her throat. This wasn’t how this trip was supposed to go, she thought as she charged forwards. She had to fight, she had to protect the others so that Natsu wouldn’t feel guilty for not being able to help him.

_Natsu, please stay out of this._ There was a time when rushing through the air like this in her Take-over would have filled her with a wild rush, it was a sensation she had just begun to rediscover after becoming an active mage again, but today there was none of that. All she could think about even as she sped towards the unsuspecting Wendy was Natsu, and she channelled that worry and the anger at the thought that this job and these mages were endangering not only the townspeople but the Fire mage into her magic as she attacked.

“EVIL SPARK!” Her magic was amplified by her agitated emotions, and it blasted the mages clear across the street and through the side of one of the burning buildings. She was confident that they wouldn’t be recovering quickly from a blow like that, but still, she watched for a moment before turning to Wendy, trying to force her expression into something approaching normal.

“Mira-san?!” Wendy had whirled at her sudden appearance, gaping at the large hole that had been blown in the building behind her and swallowing as she realised that she hadn’t been paying attention to her surroundings. Something that she knew Carla would be giving her an earful for later as she caught the stern expression on the Exceed’s face out of the corner of her eye. “Thank you, but where is Natsu?” She asked frantically as she realised that there was no sign of the Fire mage, and she blinked at the guilty expression that passed over Mira’s face, completely at odds with her current demonic countenance.

“I told him to hide,” Mira admitted quietly.

“Do you think he’ll obey?” Carla asked with a frown, well aware of how reckless Natsu could be, even though he had been more subdued recently, for a good reason, but this was exactly the kind of situation where he tended to be the most reckless.

“He promised…” Mira replied uncertainly, her wings shifting uneasily behind her despite her best attempts to project a confident mask.

“Then it will be okay,” Wendy said with such confidence that Mira and Carla both stared at her, and a small smile spread across her face even as she attempted to wipe off more of the dirt and ask covering her skin. “Natsu-san has always kept his promises.” She had never forgotten his words when they had been fighting to protect Cait Shelter. It had been his words and his confidence that had let her believe that they might be able to do the impossible, and she had believed him ever since she had run to him just after they’d destroyed Nirvana.

“Yeah,” Mira tried to smile in response, she really did, but she knew that Natsu’s attitude towards his current situation wasn’t the same as theirs, and she wasn’t as confident that he would be able to keep his promise if it really came down to it. However, there was no way she could say that aloud in the face of Wendy’s faith in the older Dragon-slayer, and instead, she turned her attention back to the situation at hand as she spotted more mages heading towards them with determined expressions. “You two focus on getting the civilians out, I’ll cover for you.”

“Thank…” Wendy began, relieved to think that she didn’t need to try and get people out and fight at the same time, only to trail off as there was a faint roar in the distance a split second before a funnel of flames shot up from somewhere within the town and racing towards the sky. “What is that?” Mira turned to follow her gaze, and her mouth dropped open in horror because as much as she wanted to deny it, she knew that there was only one person that could create that kind of fire and her heart was hammering in her chest as she whispered.

“Natsu…”

_I should never have left him…_

**

  Lucy stumbled to a halt as she took in the pillar of flames shooting towards the sky, shuddering as she recalled being caught in a similar pillar even as dread pooled in her stomach. There was only one person who could have caused that kind of fire. _He’s not meant to be using magic_ …She knew that there was no way that Mira would have let him do anything so reckless, and her heart plummeted at the thought of what might have happened to prevent the older girl from keeping him in check. _This was meant to be a simple job._ They had deliberately gone for ones that should avoid too much trouble, wanting to make sure that they inadvertently drag Natsu into something that he shouldn’t be involved with and yet it had already gone wrong.

   The flames seemed to be intensifying, climbing higher and higher towards the sky, and she swallowed hard as she realised something must have happened to the bracelet that was supposed to stop outbursts from getting this bad. If this is just an outburst, she corrected herself as she stared at the flames, while they had only witnessed a couple of outbursts, something told her that this was much worse. _Go and find Natsu!_ Gray’s voice rang through her head, shaking her free of her shock and she broke into a run again, praying that it wasn’t too late and that she would be able to do something. She knew that Erza and the others must be able to see the flames as well, and she just hoped that they would come running as quickly as possible, her hand dropping to her keys as she worried about being able to help him.

_Natsu, please hold on…I’m coming…we’re coming…_

**

   The flames around Natsu were growing wilder and wilder by the moment, reaching higher and higher towards the air, and the road beneath him and the buildings around him beginning to crack under the pressure of the magic filling the air. The Dragon-slayer in the centre of it all was utterly oblivious to the damage that was being caused, or even the fact that the magic had long since shattered the bracelet and whatever hold he might have had over his flames, writhing on the ground as he sought some relief from the pain shooting through his body.

_It hurts…It hurts…It hurts._

   Natsu’s world had narrowed down to that thought, unable to focus on anything but the sharp pain lancing through every inch of his body. This went far beyond an outburst, and far beyond the agony, he had experienced when the etherion had exploded inside him, tears leaking down his cheeks and evaporating immediately in the immense heat around him. _It hurts…_ He couldn’t even focus enough to try and rein in the flames or limit the damage, and he sobbed and whimpered as he tried desperately to find some escape from the pain.

_It hurts…It hurts..._

**

   Gray had managed to track down Erza in the middle of the chaos, sliding into her fight just in time to throw up an Ice shield at her back to block an attack that would have caused even her considerable damage, but she hadn’t had a chance to do more than throw him a quick grateful smile. Apparently, the bandits had realised that they were outmatched and were throwing themselves into a last, desperate attack; only to find themselves up against equally desperate mages, whose only thoughts were finishing this so that they could track down the rest of their teammates, especially a certain Dragon-slayer.

     With the two of them together, it was an easy task to plough through the last of the bandits, neither of them needing to second guess what the other was going to do after being teammates for so long. For Gray, there was always a certain rush when he fought back to back with Erza, especially when he managed to keep up with her, although it didn’t come close to matching the excitement that came from fighting alongside Natsu. As different as they were, it had always been amazing at how quickly they could slide into the same pattern when they were fighting, and he found himself faltering again as his thoughts turned back towards the Fire Mage. _Natsu…_ He hoped that Lucy had managed to track him and Mira down, but the uneasy feeling he had been harbouring ever since the job had taken a turn for the worst had been getting worse and worse. He blinked as Erza’s sword shot past his cheek, close enough to have sliced his skin if she had been careless, and he turned to watch wide-eyed as the last of their attackers collapsed with a groan.

“Thanks,” he muttered as he turned back to look at her, wincing at the disapproving look she was sending him, well aware that he should’ve known better than to get distracted in a fight. He was half expecting her to say something, but instead, she frowned as she glanced around, not paying any mind to the bandits lying in various states of collapse around her.

“Where’s Lucy?”

“I sent her to find Natsu,” Gray replied, worrying at his bottom lip before admitting sheepishly. “Neither of us could focus.” In the past he had mainly worked alone, it was only after Erza had forced them to pair up against Eisenwald that he had really taken to working with others, and the worry that came from being separated from his teammates was something that he was still adapting to even after all these months.

“I was the same…” Erza admitted after a moment, and he blinked at her, surprised by the admission and she offered him a wry smile. “Come on we should…” She trailed off, eyes growing wide and there was something in her expression that made Gray whirl to see what she had spotted, and his heart leapt into his throat as he spied the flames leaping skywards, instantly knowing that was nothing to do with the fires still burning in some of the buildings and he swallowed thickly. _We were too late…_

“Natsu…” He muttered, hands clenching at his sides, wondering what on earth the idiot was thinking getting involved in what was happening in his condition, although given how wrong everything had gone he might not have had a choice. _Which is a worrying thought_ …Gritting his teeth, he whirled to look at Erza. “Go! You can get there faster than me.” She hesitated for a moment, clearly unhappy with the idea of splitting up again, but then she glanced back at the leaping flames and nodded grimly.

“Requip!!” In a flash, she had shifted to her Soaring Armour, and without a word, she had shot off towards the flames. As soon as she was moving Gray had broken into a run, his stomach churning as he realised that even at this distance he could feel the wildness of the magic contained on those flames, the uneasy feeling blossoming into full-blown panic.

_Natsu, what the hell have you done?_

****

_I want to die…_

    The thought had seeped in amongst the pain, and for once Natsu couldn’t even fight against it. His usual defiance against defeat eradicated by the pain flooding his body, it had gone beyond tears now, his vision blurring as the flames around him finally began to lose power. _It hurts_ …It was hard to breathe, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, letting his eyes drift shut as he felt darkness slowly encroaching on his thoughts, and he welcomed it. _Take it all away_ …For a brief second that was a fleeting awareness that he shouldn’t be giving up, that there were people who would want him to fight, but it was a fleeting thought, impossible to grab hold of and it disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared. _I’m sorry…_ He wasn’t even sure who he was apologising to, or what he was apologising for. All he knew as he slipped away into the darkness, was that the pain was finally receding and he let out a sigh of relief as he let go completely.

_I'm sorry..._

**

   Lucy had turned the corner on the street just in time to see the flames breaking apart, disappearing in wisps and sparks that danced through the air for a moment before disappearing completely. For one, hopeful moment she thought that Natsu must’ve had got them back under control, but then she spotted the still figure sprawled in the street further down and her breath caught in her throat. _Natsu…_ Even at this distance, it was easy to make out his distinctive sakura hair, and with a cry she darted forward, praying that it wasn’t too late, that he was just exhausted. _It’s too soon_ … But there was something in the air that terrified her, lending her speed as she stumbled forward over the street which had cracked and warped almost beyond recognition.

“Natsu!” She cried as she dropped to his side, horrified to realise that the flames had actually burnt his skin. Not as bad as it would have if he weren’t a Fire mage, but still it was terrifying to see, his flames…or flames, in general, were not supposed to be able to hurt him. She hesitated for a moment before reaching out to touch his arm when she realised that she hadn’t got even the slightest reaction from the Dragon-slayer. “Natsu?!” She tried again, cautiously shaking him this time, wary of making any unseen injuries any worse and it took her a moment to realise that she couldn’t see his chest rising and falling, and her hand shook wildly as she reached out towards his neck. “No…”

“Don’t even think about it Natsu!” Erza shouted, scaring Lucy as she suddenly appeared beside them, brushing the Celestial mage aside as she reached out to Natsu. For a moment her calm mask seemed to hold, but then it shattered as her hand brushed against his cheek and Lucy felt her terror reaching new peaks as she saw the fear in the redhead’s eyes. _No_ … They had known that this was coming, but not like this, and she didn’t think of them had actually been even remotely prepared for this, and there were tears on Erza’s cheeks as she shook him. “Don’t you dare!” Grim determination stole across her face, and she glanced at Lucy as she ordered abruptly. “Move!”

   Too stunned to speak and hoping that somehow Erza was going to pull a miracle, Lucy moved aside without complaint, although her hand felt despairingly empty now that she was no longer in contact with Natsu. Golden light spilled out, and when her vision cleared, Erza was in her Thunder Empress armour, her cheeks still damp with tears as she rose to her feet and pointed her spear at the Dragon-slayer’s chest, the weapon swaying in her unusually shaky grasp.

“Erza…”

“I’m not letting him die on us now!” Erza growled fiercely. She wasn’t blind to his burns, to the pained expression on the still face or the evidence of tears on his face. Whatever had happened had hurt him, would probably hurt him more in the future, and part of her knew that this might be nothing more than selfishness. _But we can’t lose him…not now_. They were nowhere near ready to say goodbye if they would ever be ready for such a thing and fresh tears trickled down her cheeks as she added desperately. “We’re still meant to have more time. We need more time!”

   Before Lucy could say anything more, Erza had taken a deep breath to steady herself, well aware that if she allowed her emotions to affect her now, it would be the Dragon-slayer that paid the price. It was hard to calm herself though, not when Natsu was slipping and with a sob she focused her magic on the spear, sending a small spark through the weapon and praying that her wild idea would work. Natsu jolted under the force of the spark, his head tilting limply to the side, but there was no further response, and she gritted her teeth. _Don’t you dare die on us!_ Struggling not to break down completely she sent a slightly stronger spark through her weapon, sobbing when he jolted again but still didn’t take another breath.

   She was vaguely aware of Lucy crying softly behind her, and of the sound of running feet coming to an abrupt halt as the others reached them, but all she could see was Natsu, and all she could focus on was her magic and the overwhelming need to bring him back.

   Again and again, she shocked him, hating the thought that she might be hurting him more and resolutely ignoring the thought that it might be kinder to let him slip away like this. She could barely see now, her vision obscured by tears as heaving sobs wracked her body. _Natsu, please… please…_

“DON’T!” She snarled as she heard one of them moving towards her, terrified that they were going to try and tell her to stop, to give up. This time she focused everything on her spear - her fear, her hope, her sheer need for a miracle and let her magic flow - the Dragon-slayer jerking beneath the shock. For a moment she thought it hadn’t worked, her heart beginning to shatter in her chest when her world narrowed down to the broken, struggling sound of the Fire mage taking a tiny breath. “Natsu…” Her knees gave way beneath her, spear falling from nerveless fingers as she reached up to dash the tears out of her eyes so that she could see him, and at that moment she didn’t think that she had ever seen a more beautiful sight than his chest rising and falling. His breathing was faint and irregular, and it was clear that he was still in dire straits, but he was alive, and she sobbed as she reached out to brush her fingers across his cheek.

_Thank you…_

****

Two hours later:

   Natsu had been admitted to the local hospital, but while the doctors had been able to treat and bandage his burns and the abrasions that they suspected had come from writhing under the force of the outburst and provide him with oxygen to help with his still weak breathing and sparing Wendy from expending too much magic. They had been just as lost as to how to deal with his condition as the guild. In the end,, Erza had chased them out, trusting Wendy to do a better job than any non-magical doctor could, even though they knew that until they found a way to fix the Dragonslayer’s magic, there was little they could actually do to help Natsu. A thought that weighed heavily on them as they gathered in his room, barely able to bring themselves to look at the still form on the bed, well aware that this was the very thing they were supposed to have been protecting him against.

“Wendy…” Erza began softly, turning to look at the younger girl who was the closest to the bed, too afraid to move too far from Natsu’s side at the moment in case he took a turn for the worse, waiting until Wendy met her gaze before asking hesitantly. “Can you cast the spell that shows his magic?” She had been hesitant to ask in front of the doctors, worried both about news of his condition reaching the wrong ears or that the hospital might turn him away if they felt his magic was a threat to them, having so far managed to keep the full extent of what happened from them. On a more personal level, she wasn’t sure that she could handle seeing his magic in that form again. _But we need to know_ …

“Porlyusica-san taught me how to do it…” Wendy admitted nervously as they all looked at her, twining her fingers together nervously. The older woman had wanted them to be able to check the damage if anything happened, but she had been hoping that she would never have to use it. She didn’t want to see it, didn’t want to see the evidence that what Natsu had done had pushed him a little closer to the edge that they were frantically trying to stop him falling off. Worse she knew how uncomfortable it made the older Dragon-slayer, and while he was currently unconscious she felt uneasy about doing something he didn’t want. “But…”

“We need to know Wendy,” Lucy pointed out gently, understanding the younger girl’s reluctance as it matched her own. However, at this stage denial was only going to make things worse and they needed to know what they were dealing with, especially so they could tell Porlyusica and find out what they were supposed to do next. They had expected the outbursts to get worst, not for a catastrophic failure like this and none of them knew what to do. Wendy glanced at her hesitantly before shifting her attention back to Natsu, her hands curling into fists at her side. _Natsu-san…_

“Okay…” She agreed hesitantly.

    Taking a deep breath, she moved back to Natsu’s bedside, her hands trembling as she raised her hands and her voice was barely above a whisper as she cast the reveal spell that would allow them to look at Natsu’s magic. She had cast it a couple of times before, using Porlyusica herself as a ‘patient’, but she almost wished that it wouldn’t work this time, unable to shake the feeling that she was doing something that would hurt Natsu. However, she felt it taking hold, and she sucked in a breath as the spheres that represented his magic began to manifest above him, and she felt her eyes beginning to sting. It had been bad enough to look at last time, but now…

“Natsu-san…” It was clear that at least one of the other spheres had exploded, but it was impossible to tell if it was more than one as the rest of the spheres that represented magic that he had borrowed had amalgamated into one deformed sphere, that was pulsing angrily in the middle. The surface was covered in a fragile spider’s web of cracks, and when she realised that she had reached out instinctively towards it, she snatched her hand back, terrified that even the slightest touch could shatter it completely. The already damaged orb that represented his own magic was even more dented than before, the flames within it barely casting any light and she swallowed hard when she realised that she could barely feel the overwhelming strength that she had always associated with him.

“Damn it,” Gray cursed quietly behind her, fear evident in his voice, and she could hear the others shifting uneasily behind her. _This is bad_ , drawing in a shaky breath she released the spell, realising that none of them needed to look at it any longer and trembling she reached out to rest a hand on Natsu’s cheek, silently willing him to wake up, to offer them some reassurance. But he remained still and quiet, his skin cool to the touch and after a moment she pulled her hand away.

“Was that…?” Mira was staring wide-eyed at where the deformed sphere had been and didn’t even need to finish the question, the answer was written across Wendy’s face as the Dragon-slayer turned towards her and she bit her lip as tears began trickling down the younger girl’s cheeks. _I did this…_ The guilt she had been struggling to hold back since she’d left Natsu’s side, since she’d realised just how close to dying he had come, surging to the front, and she closed her eyes for a moment. _I did this, I should have got him out of the town_ …She knew that if that had happened then, more people might have died, but…she opened her eyes and glanced at Natsu, unable to find it in herself to care for nameless, faceless people when she could see him lying there, paler than she had ever seen him and barely breathing. _Natsu, I’m sorry…._

    A sob rose in the back of her throat, and she turned and bolted for the door, unable to bear the thought of breaking down in front of everyone. _I did this_ …She knew that they would try and comfort her, absolve her of guilt and there was no way she was ready for that. She had been the only with Natsu, the only one who should have been in a position to stop him from doing something so reckless and she had failed. She didn’t even want to imagine how he was going to react to this latest development when, if, he woke up. I’m so sorry…

“Mira!” Lucy shouted when she realised what the older girl was doing, reaching out to try and stop her, but it was too late. “Stay with him, I’m going after her,” Lucy called over her shoulder as she dashed after the Take-over mage, well aware that there was more than guilt to Mira’s reaction and knowing that Natsu would never forgive them if they left her on her own to deal with this. Natsu, she couldn’t help but throw another glance back over her shoulder at her best friend, her chest tightening at the sight of him. _Please hold on Natsu…_

“Lucy?” Gray called after her, but she was already gone and sighed before glancing across at Erza who seemed reluctant to get too close to Natsu’s side, a conflicted expression on her face.

“I…” Erza hesitated for a moment as she stared at Natsu, knowing that someone needed to hold themselves together and that there was still stuff they needed to do. She just wished that she didn’t have to be the sensible one. Not when the memory of having to shock Natsu back to life was still so close to the surface, and her stomach churned as she glanced down at her hands with moist eyes before forcing herself to continue. “I’ll contact the guild; they need to know what’s going on.” Suddenly she just needed to be away from that room, away from the reality of the situation even though she knew that there was no escaping it, and she didn’t even wait for the others to reply before leaving the room.

“I should go with her,” Wendy added nervously, well aware that until the older healer could get to them or they arrived back at the guild, they were relying on her to look after Natsu, and she needed the older woman’s advice. She glanced briefly at the Ice mage before chasing after Erza with Carla on her tail, the door closing softly behind them.

   Gray hesitated for a moment, realising that he had been left to watch over Natsu, but in a way he was relieved. He had arrived on the scene just in time to see a crying Erza frantically using her magic to try and shock the Dragon-slayer back to life, and for one horrifying moment he had thought that was going to be it, that he was about to watch Natsu die even though they were supposed to have more time. That fear hadn’t completely abated even when Natsu had begun to breathe again, not helped by the revelation of what the idiot had managed to do to his magic, or by the fact that even now if it weren’t for the slow rise and fall of his chest it would have been easy to think he was dead. Swallowing hard he moved towards the bed, unable to maintain the distance between them. _We nearly lost him…_

“Oi Flamebrain,” Gray said softly as he settled into the seat beside Natsu’s bed, vaguely aware of Happy clambering up onto the end of the bed, the little Exceed had been silent ever since they had got here, but the worry in his expression spoke for itself. He sighed before reaching out to grasp Natsu’s hand, hating how cool and clammy the Dragon-slayer’s hand felt in his. Natsu was never meant to feel cool to him, he was meant to be warm - too warm, and even though Natsu had stabilised the Ice mage felt his fear spike once more. _We could still lose him…_ There was no way he could voice that thought aloud with Happy there though, and so he settled for demanding. “What were you thinking?” Gray wanted to be mad at the idiot, he really did, but the kids that Natsu had protected had sought them out and explained what had happened, and how could they be mad at him for protecting children? It was something that they would all have done, and d they knew that it was something that Natsu would have never been able to forgive himself for turning a blind eye to. _But still…_

_Natsu, you can’t give in now…_


	30. Chapter 30

 

   Lucy managed to catch up Mira just before the older girl reached the hospital doors, lunging forward and wrapping her arms around the Take-over mage and holding on for dear life as Mira fought to free herself, ignoring the whispered pleas to let her go. She had known that something was wrong when they were waiting for news on Natsu because Mira hadn’t been begging to be allowed to go in with him like she would normally. Instead, she had sat silently in the corner not even attempting to soothe Happy when the Exceed had curled next to her, but she had never expected Mira to take off, and she worried her bottom lip as Mira’s pleas to be released became increasingly hysterical.

“Mira!” She called, her words falling on deaf ears and with a strength born of desperation she pulled the older girl across the corridor and into the mercifully empty waiting room, the fight abruptly draining out of Mira as she began to weep quietly and the Celestial mage froze for a moment. _Mira. Just what on earth had happened?_ None of them had had the heart to ask her while they were waiting as they could see she was in a state, and the rest of them were much the same, which meant that any conversation would have gone badly. However, she had a feeling that leaving Mira to stew in her thoughts had actually been the worst thing they could do. “Mira! Calm down…calm down,” she murmured soothingly, drawing her friend into a proper hug and guiding them both down onto one of the seats.

   They sat like that for nearly ten minutes, Lucy silently holding the older girl and letting her cry herself out, tears of her own escaping at a couple of points. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were all supposed to be together, giving Natsu some of the normality that he had been missing since all this had started, but… _instead we’ve made it worse_ …. She couldn’t even find it in herself to be truly happy that Erza’s desperate efforts to bring the Dragon-slayer back had been successful, especially not after seeing what had happened to his magic as a result of this outburst. She didn’t want to lose him, and she wasn’t ready to face a Fairy Tail, a life, without the Fire mage in it. None of them was, but she couldn’t help but think about they might be forcing him to face. She didn’t need to be a healer to know that this development was bad and that their already short time had just been reduced even more, _but what is that time going to be like now that his magic is in that state?_

“It was my fault…” The quiet whisper drew her out of her despairing thoughts, and she looked down as Mira pulled back with a sniffle, rubbing futilely at the tears still trickling down her cheeks. “It was my fault that this happened.”

“Mira?” Lucy didn’t like her friend’s tone, or the words that she was saying and she reached out to gently grasp Mira’s hand as her efforts to remove her tears became slightly too fierce, making her voice softer as she asked cautiously. What do you mean?”

“I left him alone…I left him,” Mira whispered, and there was a shadowed look in her eyes as she lifted her head to meet the Celestial mage’s gaze. “I thought if I kept the fighting away from him I could stop him from getting tempted to get involved.” A bitter laugh escaped at that. She should have known better. She knew what Natsu was like, that no matter how much he might have intended to keep his promises to her and the others he wouldn’t be able to sit by when others were in danger. _If I had been there, I could have helped those children instead, and he wouldn’t have had to make that choice. And he wouldn’t be lying upstairs in that state…_ That guilt was hard enough to bear on its own, but she couldn’t forget the words that she had said to him, or the hurt in the olive eyes when she had reminded him of his current state.Or the way that she had reminded him that he could no longer fight and she shook her head, trying desperately to blink back the fresh tears that were threatening to thought. “I thought….” _I thought I was protecting him, but I was wrong…_

 “You weren’t to know…” Lucy pointed out softly. They had already known that the pair had become separated for some reason, and she had to bite back a flare of irritation at the thought that it had been by choice. But, Wendy had already told them that if it hadn’t been for Mira, then she and more of the civilians would have ended up injured, and she knew without a doubt that there was no way that Mira would have taken off without reminding Natsu that he couldn’t get involved in the fight because of his magic. The fact that he had got involved had been his choice, and she knew that Mira needed to be reminded of that fact. “It was Natsu who chose to eat those flames, and who chose to break his promise.” _Not that he'd had a choice_ …It had been painful learning what happened, that once again he had made his own condition worse because he’d wanted to help others and she wondered if the idiot had any idea of how much he meant to them, and how much it hurt to see him destroying himself for the sake of other people?

“But…” Mira shook her head, unable to believe that the blonde wasn’t tearing strips off her for leaving the Dragon-slayer alone. _I was supposed to protect him. That was my job, and I failed completely,_ she swallowed painfully around the lump in her throat. “If I had been there…” Rationally she knew that it might not have made a difference. That she might not have been able to handle it on her own, or that she might not have been quick enough to stop Natsu, but at least if she had been there, she would’ve had a chance to intervene, to stop this mess from happing.

“Mira,” Lucy said firmly, allowing some of the steel that she rarely let show seep into her voice, reaching out to take both of the Take-over mage’s hands and waiting until she was certain the older girl was focused on her before continuing sternly. “It wasn’t your fault. If we were to say it was your fault, then we would also have to share the blame. We underestimated the job and let the fighting spread to where you guys were. It’s also Natsu’s fault for forgetting his limitations…”

“But…”

“No one person is completely to blame for this mess,” Lucy cut across her sharply, before sighing as she glanced down at their hands, realising that she was trembling slightly. She had been useless, she hadn’t been able to think let alone try to do something to save Natsu. If Erza hadn’t arrived, and if she hadn’t been so stubborn…Lucy bit her lip, well aware that she had given up too soon, even if she wasn’t sure that forcing him to come back and endure all of this mess had been the right thing to do, and her voice was much softer as she continued. “Blaming one another or ourselves isn’t going to help.” _It’s just hard not to_ , she had to admit, seeing the doubt in Mira’s eyes and guessing that there were similar ones written across her expression. _But, we can’t fall apart yet._ “Natsu needs us to be there for him, all of us…”

“I know…”

_I just hope that’s going to be enough…._

****

_‘Lost magic has always posed a particular problem for healers, even before the origin of the magic itself was lost. This difficulty lay in the fact that such magic often differed wildly from normal forms of magic, placing a different strain on its user’s body than common magic such as Make Magic would, and there are very few similarities between one form of Lost Magic and another. As such each case must be taken as a singular occurrence, preventing anyone from establishing a consolidated knowledge of how to deal with illnesses relating to Lost magic. It must, however, be stressed that while conventional treatments can be used, they must be adapted to the specific needs of the mage in question, and in most cases, the outcome will be significantly less successful that it would be with a normal mage.’_

   Porlyusica sighed as she set aside the book, one of the few texts that still remained about Lost magic. She had been thrilled to discover it in the library, but it had turned out to be more an encyclopaedia listing the different types of Lost Magic, and even then only a small portion was mentioned, and the entry on Dragon-slaying magic had provided her with nothing that she didn’t already know. However, she had been hopeful when she had spotted the section on ‘Healing for Lost Magic Users’. Only to discover that it was barely two pages long and basically told her what they already knew – that Lost magic was difficult to heal at the best of times, and that she wasn’t going to find a case that matched Natsu’s exactly.

   She was about to pick it up again, determined to scour it for anything that might be even remotely useful when the communication lacrima that she had taken to carrying everywhere went off, and she bit back a groan. If it was Makarov asking for another update she was going to lambast him, she could appreciate that he was worried for one of his children and that this went beyond anything they’d faced before, but she had promised that she would be in touch if they found anything remotely useful. However, she was caught by surprise when she found herself looking at Wendy and Erza when she activated the orb, and she knew right away from their strained expressions that something was wrong, and her voice came out sharper than intended when she demanded.

“What happened?”

   It didn’t take them long to fill her in on what had happened to Natsu, and she was torn between a desire to praise Erza for her quick thinking or to curse at Wendy’s report of what had happened to his magic because of his recklessness. _Stupid boy…_ The first orb shattering had already accelerated their timeline, this news made her afraid to even think about what time they might have to find an answer, especially as with that much magic gathered together there was a high risk that it would erupt before his body had even got to the stage where it was ready to give up. Something of her thoughts must’ve shown on her face, because the girls exchanged worried looks, and there were tears in Wendy’s eyes as she turned back to the lacrima.

_“Porlyusica-san…?”_

_“Should we take him back to the guild?”_ Erza asked, sounding only marginally more composed than the younger girl and the healer found her heart going out to them, even as she dreaded what Makarov’s response was going to be to this latest development.

“No.” While it sounded like the hospital was only able to do the basics for the Fire mage, it was better than risking him being in the middle of nowhere and something else happening. _How long do we have?_ She worried at her bottom lip for a moment, turning to look at her notes before adding softly. “I’ll come to you.”

   There wasn’t much more she could tell them, and the helplessness in their expressions as they ended the call, matched the weight that was settling on her shoulders. _How can we fix this?_ Her hand curled into a fist against the table top, and she took a deep breath before reaching for the orb once more. She had promised the girls that she would tell Makarov and the rest of the guild about was happening, needing to do something to feel that she was helping. However, as her old friend’s face came into view, she almost wished that she hadn’t offered as there was a painfully hopeful expression on his face.

_“Porlyusica? Have you found something?”_

“Makarov…”

****

The next day:

   Erza swallowed as she stepped into Natsu’s room, the warmth filling the room hitting her in a wave and she found herself almost immediately having to Requip into a light dress. They had thought the heat had been enough the first time one of the spheres had shattered, but this was far worse, and they were all terrified of what that could mean for the Dragon-slayer, and her eyes were stinging fiercely as her gaze shifted to the still figure in the hospital bed. He hadn’t woken once since arriving at the hospital, but a couple of times he had begun to stir restlessly, crying out in pain in between crying out for Igneel. Begging them to make it stop in a low, broken tone that had sent Lucy and Mira from the room in tears, and left Gray more stone-faced than she had ever seen him.

   It was the Ice mage who was sat with him now, stripped down to his boxers and clearly struggling in the heat, and yet despite his discomfort, she could hear the low, stream of comforting words as he held onto the Dragon-slayer’s hand and a sad smile pulled at her lips. They had come so far from the bickering duo she had forced to work together back when they faced Eisenwald, but she wished that it wasn’t moments like this that showed just how far they had come.

“Gray…” She called softly, not wanting to startle him and her heart ached when he turned to look at her with pained eyes as he whispered a greeting. “Happy,” she added as she spotted the little Exceed curled up next to his partner, unsurprised when she received only a tearful glance in response. He still hadn’t spoken to any of them, not even Carla bringing him a fish the night before had pulled a single word from him, and he was the only one who hadn’t taken a break from sitting with Natsu, not that she could blame him. Natsu had been at his side from the moment he had hatched. They were terrified by the thought of losing him, but for Happy, losing the Dragon-slayer would mean losing anything.

“Any news?” Gray asked softly, well aware that some of the hospital staff had begun to get a little nervous about Natsu’s presence when the Dragon-slayer’s temperature had started to rise drastically in the middle of the night, and that they were starting to get suspicious about what was really going on with his magic.

“They won’t be kicking him out if that’s what you mean,” Erza replied sharply, unable to hide her irritation. It had taken a lot more arguing that she cared to admit to getting the hospital to agree to that, especially now that damage reports from the battle had begun to come in. Including reports of the damage that Natsu’s outburst had caused, and while she could understand their fear, especially as the bracelet Levy and Freed had created had burst under the force of that outburst, she wasn’t about to let their fear endanger Natsu’s life. She caught the knowing look Gray was giving her, sighing as she knew that he had realised that there was more to the discussions than she was letting on, and she continued before he could comment. “At least not until Porlyusica arrives…”

“Thank goodness,” Gray breathed, he had tried to keep up an optimistic air for Happy’s sake, but he had been worried that they would be forced to leave. “He stirred a little while ago…” He added softly, squeezing the burning fingers that he was holding before glancing up at her with a pained expression. “I-it sounded like he was in so much pain…” He had heard the Dragon-slayer crying out in pain before. Back when he was captive in Edolas and when Hades had been shooting him at close range being amongst the worst occasions, but hearing it now when they were unable to do anything…

“I know…” Erza whispered, glancing at Natsu and seeing that even now his face was twisted into an expression of pain and she had to swallow hard before she could continue. “You should go and have a break, I’ll sit with him for a while.” Part of Gray wanted to protest, worried that something else might happen while he wasn’t there even though he knew that Erza would never let that happen, but there was something in her expression that made him swallow back his protest and give a small nod of agreement.

“Happy…?” He began, but Erza cut him off with a small shake of her head and with a sigh he nodded before rising to his feet, squeezing Natsu’s fingers as he added softly. “I’ll see you later Flamebrain, so keep fighting.” _Please…_

   He rested his hand briefly on Erza’s shoulder on the way out, wishing that he had the words to ease the grief and guilt shadowing her eyes, but he knew that was something they were all fighting at the moment and with a sigh he headed for the door.

   Erza waited until she heard the door close behind the Ice mage before forcing herself to move forward, her steps heavy and her heart heavier still as she slipped into the chair that Gray had just vacated and hesitantly stretching her hand out to grasp Natsu’s.

“Hey,” she greeted him shakily as she lifted her gaze to his face, it was painful to see him so still, and she couldn’t help but flash back to how he had looked the day before when he had been lying lifeless in Lucy’s arms. She had never felt that terror before, even the day that Simon had fallen to protect her had come nowhere close to the pain when she had thought that Natsu was gone. She couldn’t even remember consciously deciding what she was going to do. She had just known that she had to fight for him, that she had to buy him more time. _But was that a mistake?_ She had seen the same question in her friend’s faces at least once since Natsu had come back to them, and she knew that they were no closer to an answer than she was. “Natsu…”

_Did I do the wrong thing? Was it selfish to force you to keep enduring this?_


	31. Chapter 31

Three days later:

   Porlyusica sighed as she stepped into the hospital room to find Mira and Lucy sat with the unconscious Dragon-slayer, the former was sleeping, lent against the bed and cradling one of Natsu’s hands in hers, while the Celestial mage watched over them both. It had been a day since she had arrived in town, but so far she hadn’t been able to do anything to stabilise the Dragon-slayer, and while she had tried to maintain a positive attitude around the younger mages. She couldn’t help but fear that they might have run out of time a lot sooner than she had thought, her expression darkening as her gaze shifted to the restless figure on the bed. Natsu hadn’t roused at all over the last few days, and even his quiet pleas for it to stop and for his foster-father had stopped, his previous cries of pain coming out as nothing more than whimpers now. _We’re losing him…_

“Has there been any change?” She forced herself to ask quietly, already knowing the answer from looking at the Dragon-slayer and she was unsurprised when Lucy shook her head, tears shimmering in her eyes as she looked at her best friend.

“He’s not coming back from this, is he?” Lucy asked softly, keeping her voice low in the hopes of not disturbing Mira. She knew that thought, that fear had been seeping into all of their thoughts over the last few days, but so far none of them had been able to voice it aloud, and she knew that the older girl was still teetering on the edge of losing herself to her guilt. _If we lose him_ …She blinked back tears as she turned to look at the healer, silently demanding a truthful answer. She knew that Porlyusica had been doing her best to act optimistic for their sake, and to a certain extent she appreciated it, but she needed to know, even if she wasn’t ready to face the thought of losing Natsu. “Porlyusica?”

“I’m not sure,” Porlyusica admitted reluctantly, realising Lucy wasn’t going to drop the issue, and she sighed as she glanced at Natsu, watching the shallow rise and fall of his chest and the dark, flush of colour from the fever in his cheeks. “He’s struggling. Last time you could tell that he was fighting, but this time…” _This time it’s like he’s given up already._ She didn’t want to voice that thought aloud, and she couldn’t blame him if he had as she’d looked at his magic and she hadn’t even wanted to imagine just how much pain the meltdown must have caused him, knowing that a lesser mage would have already slipped away even with Erza’s intervention.

   Lucy hesitated for a moment, glancing between Natsu and Mira as another question bubbled up…one that she knew had been plaguing Erza’s thoughts as well over the last few days, and taking a deep breath, she turned back to the healer.

“Were we…” She trailed off, a lump forming in her throat. It was a question that she needed to ask, but the answer to this one was even more terrifying than waiting for the answer to her previous question, and her words came out as little more than a whisper when she got her voice to work once more. “Was it selfish of us to bring him back?”

   Porlyusica winced at the question, realising that she should have expected it at some point as she had seen the guilty expressions on their faces whenever they looked at Natsu, and in all honesty, she had no idea how to answer. _No_ , was the instinctive response on the edge of her tongue. Fairy Tail didn’t give up and while she had to an extent distanced herself from the guild, the guild never entirely left you. Besides as long as he was alive there was still a slim chance they could find a way to fix his magic _. But…_ She glanced at the Dragon-slayer, closing her eyes as she remembered the sight of his deformed magic floating in the air above him. Even if he survived this, what kind of life was he going to have when…if he woke up? The flickers and outbursts had been bad enough already, with his magic as it was now it was likely that he would never have a proper moment of peace and his physical strength…

“So it was selfish…”

“I can’t say that,” Porlyusica said, turning back to Lucy and wondering just what her expression had shown as she took in the tears on the girl’s cheeks. “He’s still alive, and that means we might still stand a chance of finding something…” _As small as that chance is…_

“But if there isn’t anything to find, we’ve just sentenced him to more pain,” Lucy murmured, sniffling as she reached out to grasp Natsu’s hand, trying not to flinch at the heat coming from the Dragon-slayer and her voice wavered as she admitted quietly. “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye…, none of us was, but I think the pain of losing him sooner than we expected would be better than this…”

“Lucy…”

“It’s okay, it’s something we have to face up to,” Lucy cut her off abruptly, reaching up to scrub at the tears on her cheeks for a moment, before gently squeezing Natsu’s fingers before setting his hand back on the bed and rising to her feet. “Can you stay with them until Mira wakes up?” There were lacrimas set up to monitor him that would summon help if anything happened, but they had all agreed that he wasn’t to be left on his own at any point. Completely disregarding the hospital’s visitor policy but after whatever Erza had said to the last nurse who had tried to force them to leave they had been left to it.

“Of course.”

   The healer waited until the door had shut behind the Celestial mage, pretending not to hear the soft sob that had drifted back to her before the door clicked shut before turning back to the bed. “How long are you going to pretend to be asleep?” She asked mildly, and slowly Mira lifted her head to look at her with red-rimmed eyes, tears streaking her cheeks and the healer was amazed that the Take-over mage had managed to suppress all sounds of her grief. She had only worked out that Mira was awake when she had noticed the girl’s knuckles turning white from how tightly she was gripping Natsu’s hand at certain points, but she had held her peace.

“They won’t talk about it around me,” Mira said softly, making no effort to remove the evidence of her tears as she stared at Natsu’s still face. Part of her appreciated the fact that they hadn’t said such things aloud around her, her hope already wavering after days with no sign of Natsu returning to them…to her, but she knew that sooner or later she was going to have to face up to the reality of what was happening to the Dragon-slayer. “I wanted an honest answer to both questions.”

“There’s still a chance…”

“I know,” Mira whispered, managing a weak twitch of her lips as she turned to look at the healer. “I’m not going to give up on him, not until the end.” _I can’t…I won’t…I owe him that much,_ her free hand slipped down to the small lump of melted glass that she had tucked into her pocket, the only bit of the ornament that Natsu had brought her that she had been able to salvage. Their morning in the town seemed a lifetime away now, but she clung to the memory as a talisman against what was happening now, and she wanted to give him more moments like that. She didn’t want his last memory to be of pain and his magic exploding around him. “But, I can’t hide from what’s happening.” _I don’t have that right…_

“Mira…” Porlyusica trailed off, realising that there really was nothing more that she could say. She didn’t have the answers - not to what was going to happen to Natsu, or to how they were going to fix his magic if he pulled through the current situation and there was a heaviness to her movements as she turned and headed for the door. In all her years of serving as a healer to the guild, she had faced more than one failure, but never one as heavy as this. And there was a stinging in her eyes as she paused for a moment, glancing back towards the bed where Mira had turned back to Natsu, tenderly brushing pink locks off his forehead before replacing the damp cloth that she had just rewetted. _Is this all that’s left? Waiting for the inevitable?_

**

  Mira closed her eyes as she heard the door close behind the healer a moment later, fresh tears trickling down her cheeks. She had wanted those honest answers, but she hadn’t been ready for them, and after a moment of fighting tooth and nail against the sob welling up in her throat, she gave in, leaning forward and burying her face against the Dragon-slayer’s arm.

I’m so sorry Natsu. I’m so sorry…

****

   Makarov felt every bit his age and then some, as he turned off the lacrima call and pushed the lacrima to the other side of the desk, his gaze lingering for a moment on the research littering the surface of his desk and spreading out on to the floor around him. Research that had turned up nothing. Research that might have been for nothing. He had known that things were bad the moment Erza had called to tell him what had happened and that Porlyusica was going to them because Natsu couldn’t be moved, but he hadn’t let himself contemplate how bad it was. Hoping, and praying that his old friend would be able to buy them time even if she couldn’t give them the miracle they all wanted…no needed…Natsu was needed in Fairy Tail, far more than he thought the teen realised and he had to blink back tears at the possibility that they might never get to show him that.

   His eyes were dark as he turned to the photos covering the wall of his office, pictures of his children. His heart heavy as he sought out Natsu’s grinning face, it was a loss that he wasn’t sure that the guild was going to be able to come back from, that he was going to be able to come back from. _Natsu…_ In a fit of anger, he scatted the papers off his desk, the notes flying through the air. Worthless notes, hours wasted that could have been spent with Natsu…

    Tears leaked down his cheeks, his anger dissipating as quickly as it had come and he closed his eyes as he sat back in his chair. He knew that he couldn’t give up hope yet…Natsu was still alive, and the Dragon-slayer had always done the impossible. But he also knew that was partly what had landed them in this mess in the first place, and that maybe just maybe, the Dragon-slayer didn’t have it him anymore to pull out a miracle this time, and his breath hitched at that thought, and he couldn’t help but send up a silent prayer.

_Natsu, if I can be selfish and ask one more thing from you, it would be for you to hold on, and to come home one last time…_

****

Two Days later:

   Erza’s expression was grim as she pushed her magic to its limits, re-quipping again and again as she put her weapons and armour through their paces in the isolated field she had found on the outskirts of town. She had sought it out on the first day, needing a way to blow off steam so that she didn’t say or do something that she would regret at the hospital and she had been here daily since then, especially when Lucy had relayed the conversation she’d had with Porlyusica. It had been one thing to suspect that they had been selfish. That she had been selfish in forcing Natsu to come back, but to face the truth of it, even though the healer had been kind enough to not actually say yes outright, was another matter and she had barely been able to bring herself to sit with Natsu since then. Every whimper, or dip in his condition seeming to mock her decision, her selfishness…

“Natsu…” Her voice came out as a broken whisper, and her eyes widened as her magic lashed out through the weapon she was gripping, lightning gouging the floor in front of her. Her breath catching in her throat as she realised that she had re-quipped to the same armour and outfit she had been wearing when she brought him back. Bile rose in the back of her throat, and the spear fell from suddenly nerveless hands as she staggered back, the armour disappearing as she shifted to her regular clothes a second before her knees gave beneath her, a soft sob escaping as she huddled in on herself.

_Natsu, what have I done?_

**

   Lucy was currently sat curled up her seldom used bed in the inn where they were supposedly staying, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees as she stared blank-eyed at the far wall. The last couple of days had been hellish. Natsu’s temperature had skyrocketed the night before, and she had honestly thought that maybe that was going to be it, but he had held on…somehow, and she hated herself for almost wishing that he hadn’t. She wanted him to pull through, she wanted him to wake up and look at them. She wanted to be able to apologise for their selfishness, and for the fact that they had kept him here and were going to force him to face the current state of his magic, and at the same time, she wanted to spare him that pain.

“Lucy…” There was a rush of warmth and golden light beside her, and then strong arms were wrapped around her, and it was only when gentle fingers came up to brush against her cheeks that she realised that she was crying, and she glanced up to see Loke studying her with sad eyes. Her Spirits had been taking it, in turn, to come and sit with her when she was on her own the last few days, all of them sharing her grief and worry for the Dragon-slayer who had fought alongside them so often. Who had treated them as people, as friends and they were the only reason that she hadn’t completely gone to pieces yet.

“Loke…” She trailed off, her thoughts and feelings to jumbled to put into words, and instead, she settled for burying herself against him, knowing that he would understand. That as a guild member as well as a spirit, he would understand, and from the way he tightened his grip around her, he had understood, and she closed her eyes as she pressed her face against his chest and let her tears flow.

_Natsu…._

**

   Gray’s expression was stony as he sat beside Natsu, one hand holding the Dragon-slayer’s, while his other rested on Natsu’s forehead as he lent his magic to the fight to keep Natsu’s temperature from rising too high again. _Flame…Natsu_ , he couldn’t even insult his rival in his thoughts anymore, not when the Dragon-slayer looked half-dead already, and he blanched at that thought. Shooting a quick glance at the Exceed huddled by Natsu’s feet, knowing that Happy was the only one who so far hadn’t been able to bring himself to even contemplate the thought that they might lose the Dragon-slayer. He’d even lashed out verbally at Lucy and Erza and the other day when he had heard them talking about what Porlyusica had said, refusing to accept the idea that it had been wrong to bring his partner back.

   The Ice mage was torn, as part of him wanted to agree with Happy. After all, Natsu had never once given up on any of them, he’d even managed to forgive Gray for his part in the catastrophe with Daphne. If the Fire mage could do that if he could fight to the point where he had damaged his magic to this extent for them, then what right did they have to give up on him? Besides the thought of losing Natsu…. He swallowed thickly as he glanced at the still pale, face - that wasn’t something he was ready to face either. But on the other hand, he knew that the girls were right. What kind of life were they sentencing Natsu to if he woke up with his magic like this? Unless they managed to find a cure, which the colder, more rational part of himself admitted looked less and less likely, all they had done was sentence Natsu to having to endure his declining health.

_Natsu, what would you do in our shoes? What is it that you want?_

**

   Wendy was curled up in the corner of the hospital café, Porlyusica’s notes that the healer had brought with her piled up on the table in front of her as she slowly worked her way through them. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for at this stage, well aware that she was unlikely to be able to pick up on something that the older healer would have missed. But she needed to do something, anything to try and keep herself occupied, to keep her thoughts away from the fact that Natsu was slipping away from them. It wasn’t working though, because there were no answers in these pages, and she sniffled as she slowly set them aside, staring blankly at her hands. She had always loved her magic, never minding that it was more for support and healing than fighting, although that had been changing as she grew stronger. But now she found herself wishing that it was stronger and more advanced, that she knew more…that she could fix Natsu’s magic for him.

   He had been the one who had promised to save Cait Shelter. He had been the one to give her the courage to stand up and fight in a way that she had never done before, and he had been doing the same ever since. He had never once looked down on her form of Dragon-slaying magic or her age or her fears, he had treated her as an equal, and she had thought that he was always going to be there. That he was always going to be the thing she was aiming for.

“I wondered when you were finally going to break.” She jumped at the soft voice, startled to realise that Carla had joined her at some point and was now studying her with worried eyes, and it was only when she blinked at her partner that she realised she was crying. It was that awareness had made it impossible to bear, and she threw herself at the Exceed with a hiccupping sob, wrapping her arms tightly around Carla and beginning to weep in earnest as a paw began to gently brush through her hair.

_Natsu-san, please don’t leave me_.

**

   Mira had gone for a walk, needing a break from the hospital room even though she hated leaving the Dragon-slayer’s side for even a second at the moment, and she was both horrified and unsurprised to find that her feet had taken her to where they had found Natsu. To where she had left him, even though she should have known better. The road was still in the early stages of repair, and her eyes stung fiercely as she took in the melted tarmac that marked the spot where he had once again pushed himself beyond his limits for other people, to the spot where they had nearly lost him. To the spot where maybe, just maybe they should have let him slip away. She was still no closer to accepting that thought, unable to forget how he had promised to fight until the end, even when his mood had been at its lowest there had always been a spark stopping him from giving up. _But now…_

   There was no outward sign, and he had even managed to come back from the edge the night before, but something in her heart told her that he had given up. Whether it was the pain, the thought of facing what this outburst had done to his magic, the thought of what lay ahead if they didn’t find a cure. _When they didn’t find a cure_ , a cold voice whispered and she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to force that thought out, tears on her cheeks as she knew that it was never going to go away.

_Natsu…_

****

That evening:

_I want to die…_

   That thought was still at the forefront of Natsu’s mind as he felt himself beginning to drift towards consciousness, stunned to find that he was still alive. Or at least he thought that he was alive, and considering the pain that was now seeping in along with awareness he was inclined to believe it, and yet there was none of the relief or happiness that he would typically associate with that thought. He didn’t want to be alive. He couldn’t remember how or why the thought of death had seeped in, or why it seemed so welcome, but he knew that there was a ball of disappointment forming in his chest as sounds and smells slowly began to break through the haze around his mind. _It hurts…It hurts…_ He couldn’t name anything that he could smell or hear, he couldn’t focus enough for that, because as his awareness of the outside world increased so did the pain.

_It hurts, please take it all away…_


	32. Chapter 32

 

   Mira wasn’t sure what had caught her attention as Natsu was as still as ever, but something had made her lean in towards him, her fingers tightening around his in the hopes of reassuring him that she was still there. _Natsu…_ His fever had settled a little, the flush in his cheeks slightly less vivid than it had been before, but she didn’t dare draw too much comfort from that fact even as she reached up with her free hand and brushed her fingers across too warm cheeks. It was just as she was pulling her hand back intending to get a fresh cloth for his forehead that she caught the tiniest of flickers in his expression, and her breath caught in her throat as he whimpered softly a moment later. The sound bringing tears to her eyes and she nearly dropped his hand. _We did this_ , the guilt that had been plaguing her surging to the fore once more, but then his fingers were curling weakly around hers, and she froze.

“Natsu?”

    Her fingers were trembling as she reached for the alarm lacrima, knowing that it would alert not only the doctors but Porlyusica who had tied her own magic into as well, not trusting the hospital staff to be able to cope with Natsu’s condition. He was finally waking up, but rather than relief or excitement, there was only dread and fear pooling in the pit of her stomach. Intensifying as he whimpered again, his expression twisting with pain as his eyes began to shift under closed lids. He really was waking up, and suddenly all she wished was for him to slip back under to be able to escape this pain, to put off having to tell him what had happened to his magic. To put off telling him that she had failed to protect him…

“Natsu! Natsu it’s okay.” _It isn’t, I know it isn’t, but I don’t know what else to say_ …It had always been so easy to talk to him, even when he had pulled away from everyone she had known what to say to him. But now all she had was empty platitudes because the thought that they might not find a cure, that they might not be able to fix this time was taking hold and while she wasn’t going to say it aloud. She couldn’t whisper reassurances with the same confidence as before, and it was breaking her heart.

   She was caught by surprise a moment later when his eyes flew open, but it didn’t take her long to realise that he wasn’t seeing her or the room for that matter, olive eyes hazy with pain and before she could speak to him, he was crying out. The whimpers from before giving way to agonised cries, his breathing speeding up as he began to thrash around on the bed, clearly trying to escape from something. And she was vaguely aware of tears dampening her cheeks as she frantically tried to restrain him, terrified that he would hurt himself more in the meantime, and for a brief second his eyes seemed to focus on her. The level of pain in them making her sick to the stomach, but not as much as the single, pain-filled word that managed to slip out amongst the cries.

“Why?”

   There was no way she would have been able to come up with a reply for him in that instance, but it turned out that it didn’t matter because suddenly there were hands on her, gently pulling her away from the bed. It took her longer than it should have to realise that it was the doctor and nurses as she was shooed towards the door, and just as she was ushered out Porlyusica appeared. The healer’s expression darkening at whatever was written across her face before the older woman slipped into the room, and the door closed firmly in her face. For several minutes she just stood there, staring blankly at the door, Natsu’s cries still ringing through the air and the sound of frantic orders being barked from within the room. Porlyusica’s voice rising imperiously to quell whatever was being said, but Mira couldn’t hear any of it, unable to hear anything but that single broken question echoing through her mind. _Why? Why are you alive? Why did we save you? Why did we do this to you?_ She had no idea which he had meant, but all of them were possible, and she found herself sinking to her knees outside the door, clutching at her chest.

_We did this_ …

**

   By the time people began to emerge from Natsu’s room she had been joined by Wendy, Carla and a hysterical Happy, the Exceed had finally given in and taken a break from the hospital room only for this to happen. Gray had been with him, but now he had gone to find Erza and Lucy so that they could come and hear what was happening. Mira’s tears had dried, her gaze locked on the door to his room, barely aware of Wendy pressed against her side, the younger girl trying to comfort her even as she struggled to hold herself together. The Take-over mage had only given them a rough outline of what had happened, and that single, desperate question she kept to herself. Natsu’s voice, raw with pain echoing through her head on repeat…

_Why? Why? Why?_

   Her thoughts skidded to a halt as the door to his room swung open with a loud creak, just as Gray came charging around the corner with Erza and Lucy in tow, both of them looking just as frazzled as Mira felt as they reached them. The doctor and nurses eyed them with a hint of nervousness, especially Erza, before disappearing down the corridor and leaving Porlyusica to answer their questions. Her eyes narrowing for a moment as she eyed their fleeing backs, before with a sigh she turned back to them, her expression grim and for a long moment, there was nothing but silence in the face of that expression.

“Is he…?” Mira was the first to find her voice, needing to know that he wasn’t in that much pain anymore. _Why? Why? Why?_ She shook her head frantically trying to clear the echo, ignoring the worried looks she was receiving as she stared at the healer, demanding answers.

“We’ve sedated him for now.”

“But…” Lucy was the one to protest now. They had been waiting for Natsu to wake up, and although she knew that things were bad, she had been hoping to see him while he was awake. To reassure herself that he was back with them.

“It was the only way to stop him from hurting himself further,” Porlyusica pointed out sharply, sighing as she realised how harsh her tone had been and her voice softened as she explained. “The pain from his magic…” A mage was always intimately tied to their magic, they could feel the slightest shift in it, and Dragon-slayers she had long since learned took that connection to a whole new level, especially Natsu. And he didn’t want to imagine just how much it must be hurting him now, and even though they hadn’t a chance to explain what had happened, she had caught a glimpse of it in his eyes. He knew that this was bad, that his magic had reached a point that they might not be able to bring him back from. That kind of pain - it’s a wonder that the sedative was enough to cut through it, _so_ _just how much is trying to hold back just on his own?_

   Erza’s expression had darkened at the mention of his pain, her gaze shifting to Mira and catching the haunted look in the blue eyes… _he must’ve said something_ …Her guilt surged to the front, and she glanced down at the floor, hands curling into fists at her side. _We did this, I did this…_

“He woke up, that alone has exceeded many expectations,” Porlyusica pointed out softly as she caught the dark expressions, well aware that they were still struggling with the thought that maybe they had been wrong to bring him back. Wanting to give them something positive to focus on, although deep down she knew that might be the only positive they would have in the near future, and she hesitated for a moment before adding quietly. “I expect he will sleep through until tomorrow, by which time we will hopefully be ahead of the pain so that he will be able to have a proper conversation with us.” He might suspect what had happened, but she wasn’t looking forward to telling him exactly what had happened with his magic or discussing what the next steps were going to be, especially when she had no real answers to give him.

“A conversation…” Mira whispered, knowing just how well that was going to go. They would have to tell him about his magic, about everything that had happened and they would have to answer that dreadful question that was still repeating through her head. Lucy glanced at her, sensing that there was something more to her friend’s reaction and filing it away to ask about once things had calmed down a little.

“I…” Porlyusica hesitated, knowing that her next words were practically an admission of defeat at this point and she glanced back towards Natsu’s room, taking a deep breath before turning back to the gathered teens. “I think that it is best that as soon as he is stable enough to be moved that we take him home.” Silence met her words, and she was unsurprised, knowing that they would have caught the unspoken part.

_We should take him home so that he can say goodbye._

****

The next morning:

   There was less pain this time as he drifted towards awareness, but instead, he was left with a strange, floaty feeling and he had a sense that the pain from before was hovering just on the other side of that feeling. However, this time there was no resisting the steady drift towards consciousness, and he moaned more in protest than pain, starting slightly when a cold hand grasped his, and a familiar voice rang out above him.

“Natsu?” Gray, it was Gray…sounding more frantic than the Dragon-slayer had ever heard him, even with everything that had happened, and dread pooled in his stomach. _What happened?_ He could remember the pain…remember wanting to die…remember being disappointed that he hadn’t, and he blinked as he felt tears stinging in the corner of his eyes. It was too much effort to keep his eyes open though, and they drifted shut again, and he felt the fingers curling more tightly around his fingers, Gray’s voice increasing in urgency. “Natsu can you hear me?”

   It was selfish maybe, but he didn’t want to reply. He didn’t want to wake up properly and face what was happening, but he had never been able to deny his friends, and slowly he inched his eyes open once more.

“Ye…” Natsu cut himself off, the effort of speaking making it feel like someone was dragging nails down the side of his throat and he coughed weakly, grimacing as that added to the pain. The floaty feeling was still there, and he tilted his head to the side, blinking sluggishly as he took in the drip that he was hooked up to, a sick feeling in the pool of his stomach. Even half asleep as he was, he knew that Porlyusica would never have used such methods if she had another option. Which meant that his magic…his thoughts skittered away from that topic, not ready to face that yet and he slowly turned his gaze back to Gray, blinking as he realised the Ice mage had poured a cup of water for him while he was distracted.

“Here,” Gray’s voice was too gentle, too cautious, and it grated on the Dragon-slayer’s already shot nerves, but he didn’t protest as the Ice mage carefully eased him up, one arm remaining behind his shoulders to support him while the other lifted the cup to his lips. His stomach churned at the thought of putting anything in it, but the moment he got his first taste of the cool water, he couldn’t help but try and gulp it down, protesting weakly when Gray pulled it back just for a moment as he scolded him. “Slow sips or you’re going to make yourself sick.” Natsu didn’t want to obey, but the thought of throwing up on top of everything else made him listen, and he slowed down. Realising as he did so that he was already full, and he managed another couple of sips before pulling away with a frown. Gray let him go, setting the cup aside and lowering him back onto the pillows. “Better?”

“Wha’ happened?”

“You don’t remember?” Gray asked, his stomach twisting itself into knots. Things were bad enough with everything they had to tell Natsu, he didn’t want to imagine what it would be like if the Dragon-slayer didn’t even remember what had happened.

“I remember the fight, and eating the fire,” Natsu replied distantly, glancing away from the Ice mage as he saw Gray scowling at his words. He knew that he was responsible for this, for making his own situation worse, but he hadn’t known what else to do. Part of him knew that he should be asking about the kids he had been trying to protect, his stomach churning at the thought that they might not have got to safety. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask, other memories surging to the front, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he added softly. “Then pain…lots of pain.”

“Natsu…”

“I wanted to die. I was ready to die,” He couldn’t bring himself to look at Gray as he spoke, especially when he heard the soft intake of breath that met his words and they dismayed him as well. It hadn’t been that long ago that he had been so fiercely determined to beat this, to survive, to live on with his guild…his family, and yet even now that the pain was for the most part being held at bay, all he wanted was that peace that he had expected when the world had slipped away from him back on the street. There were tears in his eyes as he finally turned his gaze back towards Gray. He had vague recollections of Mira being here, and asking her the same question, but now he was fully aware, and there was a desperation to his words as he asked the question that had been burning in his thoughts ever since he had first realised that he had survived. “Why? Why am I not dead?”

    For Gray, those questions were like being punched in the gut, and suddenly he had a good idea of what Natsu had said to Mira the night before. She had refused to tell anyone what had happened, and aside from quickly checking on the Dragon-slayer the night before, she hadn’t been to sit with him, and Gray couldn’t blame her. Seeing those olive eyes fixed on him, and realising that Natsu was deadly serious about this, the Ice mage wished that he could just turn around and disappear. He had thought that nothing could hurt more than hearing Natsu’s admission that he wanted to die, or that he was ready to die, but he had been wrong…oh so wrong….

“Gray?”

“I…” Gray tried to reply, but he honestly had no idea what to say. What could he say? That while Natsu had been ready to die, they hadn’t been ready for him to die? That they had brought him back to life because they hadn’t been ready to say goodbye? That they had dragged him back to this because we were selfish…He knew that it was something Erza and the others had been wrestling with, but some part of him had clung to the hope that Natsu wouldn’t see it that way, and that the Dragon-slayer would still have it in him to keep fighting…to want to keep fighting. But there was nothing but deep exhaustion and defeat in the Fire mage’s eyes, and Gray swallowed thickly before rising to his feet and taking a step backwards. “I’m going to go and get Porlyusica.” He knew that it was a cowardly approach, and he turned and practically bolted towards the door, feeling Natsu’s gaze boring into his back, and he whispered an apology behind slipping out of the room.

_I’m so sorry…._


	33. Chapter 33

_I’m so sorry…_

    For a few minutes, all Natsu could do was stare at the door, torn between stunned surprise that Gray had practically run away from him and the growing tightness in his chest. _It’s bad…_ Slowly he glanced down, blinking back tears as he realised that even with the pain muted by whatever medication was being pumped into his body, his hands were trembling…shaking…and he squeezed his eyes shut as he his magic, or what remained of it, as he had never felt it so weak shifted in response to his distress. _I’m scared…_ It wasn’t the first time he had admitted that to himself, but it was the first time it had felt so overwhelming without his magic coursing through him and he clutched his hands together, resting them against his chest as he felt it tightening even further, his breathing beginning to speed up. _Why? Why am I still here? Why won’t they answer my questions…? Why?_

_Whywhywhywhy…._

“Natsu!” The sharp voice broke through the haze of his panic, and he glanced up, blinking huge eyes as he found Porlyusica leaning over him, flinching back as he realised that she was gripping his shoulders, and from the expression on her face it was clear she had been there a couple of minutes at least. “Natsu? Can you hear me?” The tightness in his chest wasn’t dissipating as he shrank away from her, managing a small nod in response even as his gaze skittered away from her. The questions were still running around and round in his head, but now that she was here in front of him, he wasn’t sure that he actually wanted the answers. If Gray had chosen to flee rather than trying to reassure him, it had to be bad, and he squeezed his eyes shut, panic rising again, but then Porlyusica’s voice rang out again, stopping him before he could fall too far.

“I want to hear your answer,” she ordered, adopting the tone that everyone in their guild knew to obey, and the familiarity gave him something to ground himself with and his eyes slowly opened.

“Y-yes,” he managed to force out. Sucking in desperate breaths as he lifted his head to stare at her once more, his breath catching again as he caught the pity in her eyes. Throughout all of this she had never looked at him like that, not even when she had first given him the diagnosis and witnessed his panic and fear, and his hands tightened around one another, his fingers clenching tightly enough to leave white marks. “How…bad is it?” It came out more breathlessly, more frightened than he’d wanted it to, but he made sure to hold her gaze. _Please, please don’t lie to me_ … He wasn’t ready for the answer, it felt like he was already shattering, falling apart at the seams and he knew that if it weren’t for the medicine keeping the pain at bay, he would already be completely broken. And the way he felt right now, he doubted that even Mira would be able to bring him back. He didn’t think he would want to come back, not again…

    Porlyusica hesitated for a moment, reluctant to answer that question. She could see the lines of pain marring his forehead, the tremors wracking him despite the medicine, the terror in the olive eyes, and the slightly disconnected expression on his face. He was barely holding on, and from what Gray had managed to get out in his panic when he had come to fetch her, Natsu had been ready for all this to end. He had accepted what was going to happen, only to be faced with it all over again, and she sighed. She wanted to tell him that there was still hope, that this was just a minor setback, but she had looked at the state of his magic. And she knew that it wouldn’t take much to send him over the edge once more, and she doubted that even his friends would be able to pull him back to pull him back.

“Please…”

“Fine,” she sighed admitting defeat, noting that there was no relief or satisfaction in the olive eyes at her agreement and she carefully settled beside him on the bed, careful not brush against him as she knew that his body was hurting a lot more than even he realised right. “But first I want you to tell me how you feel.”

    Natsu wanted to protest, to demand the answers straight away, but he could see that she had slipped into healer mode again and he bit his lip, reluctantly trying to take stock of how he felt. Everything was numbed and somewhat distant, and he had a feeling that wasn’t just to do with the pain medication. The pain was still there, but it wasn’t the worst thing, as he had got used to pain over the last few months. No, it was the weakness that he was slowly becoming aware of, the feeling that if he tried to get up, he wouldn’t be able to. The feeling that if he closed his eyes again, even for a second, he would find himself asleep again in a second even though he guessed he had been unconscious for a few days at least. Then there was the chill that was slowly creeping through his limbs, and he swallowed thickly, he wasn’t supposed to feel cold. He hadn’t felt cold since he had been three or four and his fire magic had first manifested, and it didn’t take a genius to work out that wasn’t a good sign.

“It hurts…” He whispered, pausing for a moment as a memory that he had long since forgotten stirred and he found himself blinking back tears.

_Natsu was panting, feeling as though he couldn’t get enough breath through the overwhelming heat that was pressing in on him. He was used to heat, after all, he was a fire mage, and he lived with Igneel, but he had never felt heat as intense as this, and he couldn’t quite hold back a whimper. It was too much, and suddenly he wished that he had said no. That he had told Igneel that he wasn’t ready for the spell that would allow him to use Dragon-slayer magic, because as much as he wanted that magic, to be able to fight with the magic that his father loved, this heat was just too much. He whimpered again, twisting and turning on the small bed that Igneel had got just for him, the sheet cool against his skin but not enough to combat the intense heat. It hurts, it hurts…he was briefly drawn away from the pain by the feel of a cool claw gently brushing his cheek, and wildly he lashed out, wrapping shaking fingers around the tip of Igneel’s claw._

_“Dad, it hurts,” he managed to get out, feeling bad for whining. Igneel had always told him that he couldn’t back down, that he had to stand up and fight because it was important to move forward at all times, but right now he couldn’t._

_“It’ll be okay Natsu. “ There was no disappointment in the Dragon’s voice, just warmth and concern and Natsu sniffled as he clung to his father’s claw, tears slipping free as a giant wing came down to cover him. It didn’t lessen the heat, but it was comforting all the same, and he began to think that maybe, just maybe he could survive this…_

   Natsu swallowed thickly as he came back to the present. It had been a long time since he had thought about that, even when he was beginning to face up to the fact that he might not get to see Igneel again he hadn’t allowed himself to dwell on those thoughts. _I won’t_ , he amended softly. He had hoped before, but now…he shook his head, before forcing himself to refocus on Porlyusica who was watching him in concern and he wondered just what his expression must have been showing.

“It hurts, and I feel weak…really weak,” he admitted reluctantly, shivering at the admission. He had forced his magic to the limit so many times, forced himself to the point of collapse far too often and yet not once had he ever felt like this. “And cold…”

   Porlyusica’s heart sank with each admission, not that she had really expected anything else at this stage. Still, it was different hearing it aloud, especially when Natsu was no longer making any attempt to put on a brave mask as he had the other times she’d been forced to treat him. _He already knows_ … She could see it in the olive eyes that Natsu was aware of just how bad things were, but that he still wanted, or needed to hear it aloud.

“I…” She was still hesitating. She had tried to keep at least a modicum of optimism around the others, and during her conversations with Makarov, although she knew that the latter hadn’t been fooled, but under Natsu’s gaze, she found herself unable to be anything but brutally honest. “I’m afraid it’s not going to get better.”

    For a moment there was nothing but silence as they stared at one another, but then a soft noise broke it and it took her a moment to realise that Natsu was laughing. Not a happy laugh, but a broken, bitter noise that grated on her nerves as he tried to curl in on himself, only to discover that was exacerbating his sore body. The horrible sound continued for a couple of minutes, but then it was breaking, and it took her a split second to realise that he was sobbing, the shock giving way a little…and her heart ached as she watched the Dragon-slayer frantically trying to brush away the tears now staining his cheeks, his hands shaking worse than ever. She wasn’t a people person, and she avoided people like the plague for the most part, but there was no way she could ignore this and before she had even realised what she was doing she had moved forward, pulling the teen…the child, into a tight hug. He stiffened for a second, and she thought that he was going to try and pull himself free, but the fight had completely gone from him, and he fell against her with something that sounded like a wail as he buried his face against her shoulder.

“We’re not going to give up,” she whispered, reaching up to gently run her fingers through his hair… for a moment reminded of how she had done the same for Laxus when he was little, and they were fighting to find a way to save him. But there had been a solution then. Still, she meant what she was saying. Deep down she had begun to believe that there was no answer, even if she wasn’t ready to accept it yet, but she knew that they would keep searching right up until the last moment. _We just don’t have anywhere near as long as I thought before that last moment._ Natsu tensed at her words, his breath hitching as he shook his head, making no effort to remove it from her shoulder.

“You should…” For a moment she hoped that she had imagined those words, but she knew that she hadn’t, and she tightened her hold on him as much as she dared.

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Is that why I’m still here…?” The healer paused at that question, remembering Mira’s reaction from the night before and Gray’s pain when he had rushed to find her. _He really was ready to let go_. This went far beyond anything she was ready to deal with, but the fact that he was still clinging to her, holding on as though she was the only thing keeping him grounded. And she probably was at this stage, meant that she couldn’t just ignore it. Gently, she nudged him back just enough that she could catch a glimpse of his face, wishing that she hadn’t as she took in the red-rimmed eyes, tear-stained cheeks and the frightened expression that reminded her of the day they had diagnosed what was wrong with his magic, only now it was devoid of any hope. “I know what I did back there was stupid, but I was the only one there, and it was only because I had magic that I could protect them. I knew it was going to make it worse, and it hurt…it hurt so much,” he trailed off for a moment, shuddering with the memory of how much it had hurt, remembering how he had curled up in the street. How he had cried out, with no one there to hear him. “But it was okay. I had kept them safe, and I could feel myself slipping, the pain fading and I thought…I was okay with that. I was ready to go before it got worse before it could hurt even more.”

    What was she supposed to say to that? In a way she could understand why he had wanted to let go, to escape before it got worse, but on the other hand, she could understand why Erza and the others had fought so hard to keep him alive, to bring him back even though there was no guarantee that they would be able to find a cure.

“Natsu…”

“They saved me, didn’t they?” His voice was thick, clogged with tears and pain and a darker note that worried her, but she had already decided not to lie to him. Not at this stage, and she gave a tiny nod in response, his eyes darkening in response. “Of course they did…”

“They didn’t do it to hurt you,” Porlyusica felt compelled to say, feeling as though he was pulling away even though he hadn’t physically moved, Things were going to be hard enough from now on, especially for him, and he was going to need his friends even if he couldn’t see it right now. “They…”

“I know,” Natsu cut her off softly, and this time he did pull away, and she reluctantly let him go, watching as he wiped at his cheeks, small, hiccupping sobs still rising every now and then. “I know…” He repeated, trying to say that he understood and that he forgave them, but he couldn’t get the words out, closing his eyes as he remembered how Gray had fled in the face of his questions. _They saved me._ It hurt to realise that something he had always taken for granted in the past, something they had all taken for granted, was now something that he wished they hadn’t done. He wished that they had just let him go, and he had no idea how he was going to face them without showing that, knowing that it would hurt them if they realised just how much he wished they had let him die.

“Natsu…”

“Please…don’t,” he pleaded, unable to face the thought of dealing with that right now. His emotions felt raw and broken in his chest, and he had a feeling that the only reason why he hadn’t had an outburst yet was because of the weakness and exhaustion that were threatening to drag him under, and he couldn’t deal with what his friends had done right now. Instead, he forced his thoughts back to her earlier words – ‘ _it’s not going to get better’_ , and he shuddered before forcing himself to ask the question that it had been so hard to ask the first time. “How long…how much longer…?” _How much longer do I have to endure this?_ _How much longer are you going to cling to the hope that somewhere out there is something that will help?_ He had appreciated her reassurance that they weren’t going to give up, but he had been able to hear it in her voice. It had been a promise, but a promise that held very little hope.

“I don’t know,” Porlyusica admitted, glancing away for a moment as she debated how best to phrase what she needed to say. She honestly couldn’t give him a timeframe, not now. Her previous estimates had clearly been completely out even before this latest development, and she didn’t want to give him false hope or make it worse, but at the same time, she knew that he needed to realise that it wasn’t going to be very long. “But…”

“But?”

“Once you’re feeling a little stronger we need to take you home,” she replied, and she could see that it was another blow. He had looked forward to this trip, although she had a feeling that what had happened the other day had ruined it anyway.

“I see…” Natsu whispered, twisting his fingers together in an attempt to conceal just how badly he was trembling. He wasn’t stupid, he could hear the unspoken words beneath her answer. He was being taken home to say goodbye, and his heart clenched at the mere thought of it. _I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t want to see their pain and know I caused it_ …It was one of the reasons he had been ready to accept his fate the other day, not only because he could escape what was happening in his own body, but so that he wouldn’t have to see his friends, his family falling apart as well. He pulled his thoughts away from that, and instead, he lifted his head once more. “I want to see it, I want to see my magic,” he whispered. _No, I don’t. I don’t want to see, I don’t want to deal with this_ , his self-hug tightened, and it took all his strength not to look away as she studied him for a moment, he had no idea what she was looking for, and he didn’t really care at this point.

“Natsu…I…”

“Please?”

   The healer hesitated before rising to her feet, watching him carefully as she cast the spell that would reveal his magic. Feeling the same lurching sensation in her stomach as she had the first time she had cast this spell since arriving at the hospital. It was a terrible sight, and she hastily dragged her gaze away from the deformed orbs and focused on Natsu. His eyes were wide, mouth open as though he had been about to cry out…

“Natsu…?”

   The Dragon-slayer blinked, vaguely aware that she was talking to him, but unable to drag his gaze away from his magic. Some of the numbness giving way to terror as he stared at it, even the orb that represented his own magic seemed foreign and threatening somehow, and his heart ached at that realisation even as Igneel’s voice echoed in the back of his mind.

_“Dragon-slayer magic is rare, you must use it well and guard it well…”_

    Back then he hadn’t really understood what his father meant, too focused on the fact that he now shared the same magic as the Dragon, and eager to learn as much as he could and to become strong enough that he could destroy mountains like Igneel could. Even now, he wasn’t fully sure that he understood. He hoped that he had used it well. He had never managed to slay a Dragon, he had never managed to use it properly in terms of its primary purpose, but he had grown stronger, and he had used it to protect both himself and others. _Not anymore_ , a small voice pointed out, reminding him of what Mira had said - that he couldn’t fight and his hands curled into fists. Even if he had used it well, it had all been for nought, and now he was watching it slip away from him, and soon his magic…Igneel’s magic would be lost from the world, and there were fresh tears in his eyes as he glanced down. _I’m sorry Igneel_ , he apologised silently, vaguely aware of Porlyusica releasing the spell, taking a shuddering breath as he lifted his head once more, relieved to see that the orbs were gone.

“Thank you…” He managed to murmur, trailing off as he yawned. Everything was catching up with him now, and he blinked, finding it nearly impossible to coax his eyes open again and he was startled to find Porlyusica leaning over him. _When did she move?_

“You need to rest,” her voice was soft again, fingers brushing briefly over his forehead as she checked his temperature, the frown that flickered across her face telling him that it was probably higher than it should be, although he couldn’t really bring himself to care at the moment. The numbness was continuing to fade, and he could feel everything rising up, and he desperately wanted to fall asleep before he was forced to face it all, even though he knew it would still be there when it woke up.

“Porlyusica?” He asked as he let her help him ease back down on the bed, trying to hide the fact that her touch and the movement was enough to send pain lancing through him, instead focusing on grasping her wrist until she looked at them. “I don’t want to see them… just yet.” The last bit was tacked on in an attempt to reassure her, and he could see in her eyes that she wasn’t fooled, nor was she happy with his request, but after a moment he nodded.

“Very well,” Porlyusica agreed reluctantly, unsure whether she was helping or hindering at this point, and she let a hint of sternness enter her voice as she added softly. “But you will have to face them soon…”

“I know.” Natsu agreed wearily, aware that he couldn’t hide forever. That he owed them more than that, but his exhaustion was too much now, and he let his eyes drift shut, willing sleep to claim him before he had to deal with anything else. _Later, I will face them later…_ He was aware of the healer gently freeing her hand from his grip, and he felt gentle hands running through his hair as he began to drift, unaware of the tears that had begun to escape again as he slowly dropped into an uneasy sleep.

_Later…._

**

   Porlyusica had waited until she was confident that he was properly asleep, adjusting his pain medication when she caught his expression twisting with pain as he shifted restlessly, her fingers lingering on his cheek for a moment as she wiped away the tears that had fallen as he dropped off to sleep. He looked young and faded, and she couldn’t help but feel that he had already slipped through their fingers. Her heart heavy, as she lifted her other hand to the damp spot on her shoulder where he had been crying earlier. _He’s just a child_ … Unfortunately, she knew that didn’t change anything, it never had, and it was a lesson she had been forced to learn early on as a healer. But it didn’t make it any easier to bear, especially not with this child, and it was harder than she had ever thought possible to turn away and head for the door. She didn’t want to leave him alone, but she knew that his teammates would be waiting for news and she needed to pass on his request.

   Sure enough, she found the teens and Exceed’s gathered in the chairs outside, and she was careful to shut the door behind her so that they wouldn’t disturb Natsu.

“How is he?” Gray was the first to speak, guilt churning in his stomach as he thought back to how he had bolted from the room, Natsu’s questions still echoing in the back of his head. He hadn’t told the others what the Dragon-slayer had said, not wanting to add to the burden they were bearing, but Mira had shot him an understanding look, and he knew that she at least understood,  and he intended to talk to her later, once they knew Natsu was okay. _As if he could be…_

“He’s resting again,” Porlyusica replied, unsurprised to see their disappointment because despite their guilt over what they had done, they still wanted to be with the Dragon-slayer and she hesitated for a moment, wondering how to answer the Ice mage’s question without causing them more pain. “He…he’s as well as can be expected at the moment.” She could see it in their expressions that they understand that meant that he wasn’t doing well, and she almost wished that they hadn’t grown up enough to understand that point.

“But, he…” Lucy waved her hands helplessly in the air, unable to put her fears and question into words and Porlyusica sighed.

“He was coherent, and he understands what’s going on. And what happened.”

“You told him?” Erza demanded, she had known that they would have to broach the topic fairly quickly, but she had wanted to be the one to tell him. Wanting, or needing to take whatever repercussions were going to come her way.

“A little, the rest he worked out for himself,” Porlyusica admitted, glancing at Gray and the Ice mage paled, of course, his behaviour would have alerted Natsu. As idiotic as the Fire mage tended to be, he was also oddly observant at the worst times, and Gray knew that he hadn’t really been hiding his emotions in the face of those questions. He swallowed thickly, sharing a worried glance with the others before forcing himself to ask the question that they all wanted an answer to.

“And?”

“For now, he isn’t ready to see you. Any of you…”


	34. Chapter 34

 

   Porlyusica’s announcement had reduced them all to stunned silence. Deep down they had known that there was a chance it was going to happen, after all, they had been wrestling with the thought that maybe they had been selfish by saving him back then. It was worse to hear it aloud though, and they couldn’t help but glance at the door although none of them tried to go against the healer’s declaration, although Mira heard the chair beneath her creaking in protest, glancing across to see that Erza was clutching the arm with enough force that the metal was bowing. She didn’t try to stop her though, knowing that the red-head blamed herself for what had happened, almost as much as Mira blamed herself for leaving his side and she hastily glanced away, she had no right to judge.

“When will he be able to go home?” Gray was the first to break the silence, his voice barely above a whisper, as though asking the question any louder would make it more real. They all knew why they were going home, why they were taking Natsu home even if they weren’t ready to face it, and Mira glanced at Porlyusica. She had wanted this trip to be special, to remind Natsu what he had to live for and to try and take his mind of everything and she had not only failed, but she had made everything worse, and now he was going to have to go home like this

“A couple more days at least,” Porlyusica replied after a moment, trying not to remember the resignation and defeat in Natsu’s eyes when he had realised why they were going back, but it was hard not to, not when defeat hung heavy in the air over the group. They might not be ready to admit it, they might be willing to fight it until the very end, but it was there, and she hesitated for a moment, glancing back towards the Dragon-slayer’s room. “It…” She was hesitant to take away even a glimmer of hope, but she knew that the time had come for the truth and so she forced herself to continue. “It’s not a case of waiting for him to be well enough to travel, it’s a case of waiting until he’s in the least amount of pain.”

“Can’t we do anything?” Wendy demanded, and Porlyusica sighed. The younger healer was an excellent student, and she had come on in leaps and bounds especially under the pressure of Natsu’s situation, but she had yet to learn that medicine and magic couldn’t fix everything. That sometimes they were just as helpless and powerless as those under their care, and she wished with all her heart that, that particular lesson wasn’t going to come from one of her best friends. “Porlyusica-san?”

“Not this time,” she made no effort to hide her dismay at her own words, moving forward so that she could rest a hand on Wendy’s head, feeling the girl trembling. “I’m sorry, but at this stage, there is little we can do apart from staying by his side.” Her words were meant for all of them, for the teens that were facing the thought of losing their friend, for her student who was learning the reality of being a healer in the worst way possible. But most of all her words were for Natsu, closing her eyes as she remembered the first time she had seen the pink-haired boy. Makarov had brought him to her for a check over, explaining that he had been living wild and alone for a time and wanting to make sure he was in good health. He had been loud and rough around the edges, but his smile and his fascination with her magic and what she could do with plants that he had recognised from living in the forest had thawed her initial disapproval. _How did we go from that to this?_ Remembering that smile made it all the harder to remember the broken sobbing from before, and she pulled away with a sigh, opening her eyes to see that Wendy had managed to fight back her tears and was looking up at her with fierce determination.

“I’m not giving up yet.”

“I’m not saying that we should give up,” Porlyusica pointed out, lips quirking slightly at the stubborn glint in the brown eyes that reminded her slightly of how Natsu and Erza usually were. “But right now, we don’t have anything that can help him.”

“I shouldn’t have brought him back,” Erza’s soft murmur was deafening in the silence that had fallen, and they all turned to look at her although she steadfastly refused to meet their gazes, shoulders bowed as she curled in on herself. “I…”

“Erza!” Lucy cut across her, reaching out to grip her arm as the red-head moved to get up, eyes bright and fierce although it did nothing to hide the tremor in her voice. “I would have done the same, any of us would have done the same. We don’t want to lose him! And this…we knew it was coming, we wouldn’t admit it even to ourselves, but we knew.”

“But…”

“This isn’t helping anyone,” Mira interjected softly, not wanting them to keep going in circles, her hands clenched in her lap. “We can’t change what happened, and even if we were able to go back, I don’t think we would.” She hated to admit it, but she knew that there was no way any of them could just stand back and let Natsu slip away, not without fighting for him until the bitter end.

“Mira is correct,” Porlyusica nodded at the Take-over mage, stepping in before the discussion could continue and sighing as she caught the longing glances towards Natsu’s room and she moved to block their view. As much as she knew that they needed to talk about things, she knew that Natsu needed time and as that was the only thing she could do for him at the moment, she was determined to make sure he got it. “For now, you need to let Natsu rest, and you should all take the time to rest and eat properly as well.”

“But…” Lucy protested, glancing at Erza, knowing that the red-head wouldn’t settle until she’d had a chance to speak to the Dragon-slayer and to be honest she knew that she was just as bad. However, there was something in Porlyusica’s expression that told her those pleas were going to fall on deaf ears, and so she subsided, squeezing Erza’s arm. “Come on, let’s do as Porlyusica says so that we’re ready when he needs us.”

   The fact that she got nothing more than a tiny nod of agreement told her that Erza was still caught up in her guilt, and with a sigh she rose to her feet wrapping an arm around her, relieved when Gray mimicked her actions from the other side. Wendy got to her feet as well, gently picking up Happy who had been staring silently at his partner’s room, the discussion washing over him without leaving a mark, Carla following quietly. Porlyusica nodded approvingly, praying that Natsu would lower his barriers once he was better-rested, because he needed this kind of support, before frowning when she realised that Mira had made no effort to follow the others, glancing at her in question.

“I’m going to stay here,” Mira stated plainly, lifting her head and gazing challenging at the older woman. She knew that the healer was right, that they all needed to rest, but she couldn’t leave.

“Mira…”

“I won’t bother him,” she promised hastily, even though she longed to go into the other room, just to reassure herself that he was still here. But she would honour his wishes, for now, carefully holding Porlyusica’s gaze as she tried t explain. “It’s just, I left him alone once when I shouldn’t have, and I won’t make that mistake again.” _Please, I know he doesn’t want to see us, but don’t make me leave him,_ something must have shown in her face because the healer’s expression softened, but before Porlyusica could reply another voice spoke up.

“Someone should stay,” Erza’s voice was still quiet, but this time she actually lifted her head and met Mira’s gaze, lips trembling in a weak attempt at a smile as she added softly. “I think Natsu would be happier if it were Mira.” The Take-over mage could see what it had cost her to say that, and what it cost the others who nodded in agreement and she had to blink back tears, her own voice wobbling as swiped at her eyes.

“Thank you.”

****

   This time when Natsu drifted awake, the memory of what had happened came rushing back straight away, and with it came the pain, and he found himself squeezing his eyes shut in a futile attempt to block everything out. He was so focused on that task, on just wanting everything to go away, that it took him far longer than it should have to realise that the room around him was silent aside from his ragged breathing. Slowly, feeling as though even the simple act of opening his eyes had the power to shatter him at the moment he coaxed them open, blinking to clear his vision and staring at the ceiling above for a moment before daring to glance around, confirming that he was in fact alone. He wasn’t quite sure how to feel about it, knowing that he should feel relieved that his friends had heeded his request to be left alone for now, although he trusted Porlyusica at least to see that his wishes were honoured.

   Instead, he was hit with a strange mixture of relief, and loneliness. The latter gave him pause and he bit his lip as he realised that it was the first time in a long time that he had woken without someone sat beside him, watching over him, and for a moment he was overwhelmed with the need to shout out to them, to make sure that he wasn’t alone. That they hadn’t left him to face this alone. However, he forced it back, certain that at least one of his friends would be hanging around outside and realising that he had no idea what to say to them at the moment or how to act. They would know that he had asked to be left alone, and he had no doubt that Gray would have told them about how he had reacted when he first woke up. That they would know by now that this wasn’t going to better, that he had wanted to die back then and that some part of him wanted to hate them for bringing him back.

   He paused at that thought, did he really hate them for bringing him back? Could he? He knew, deep down that if their roles had been reversed, if had been any of them lying there in the street dying he would have done everything in his power to bring them back. He knew that, but it didn’t ease the flicker of resentment as he shifted and pain lanced through him, closing his eyes against the sting of tears. He didn’t want to cry, not again. He could remember breaking down in Porlyusica’s arms, falling apart and yet at the same time there had been a strange feeling of relief at her brutal honesty. He was dying. They didn’t have a way to fix him, and they were unlikely to find one in time. It hurt, but at least he knew the truth now, rather than clinging to a false hope that had been crumbling from the beginning.

   It didn’t change what had happened though, and he closed his eyes, wishing that he could just will himself back to sleep. At least then he could escape the pain, at least for a while, and escape the fact that he was still alive, still in pain…escape the fact that he had destroyed the most precious thing that Igneel had given him.

   Sleep wouldn’t come despite the exhaustion that seemed to have wrapped itself around him like a blanket, leaving him feeling weak and woolly and he growled under his breath, reluctantly opening his eyes and staring at the ceiling once more. The room was too small, too quiet and yet he still wasn’t ready to talk to the others. He lay there for a few more minutes, before slowly pushing himself upright, trying to ignore the way his arms trembled from the effort and the way that the room swam around him for a minute, fury lending him strength. He wasn’t this weak. He wasn’t this helpless. _Yes, you are_ , the cold, clinical part of him countered, and he closed his eyes. _Shut up. Shut up. Shut up…_

   Even with his anger fuelling him, it took him longer than he wanted to admit to slide from the bed and manage to get to his feet and stay there, ignoring the fact that he had to cling to the bed for a few minutes as he caught his breath. It hurt. His entire body feeling as though it was on fire, only these flames blazed cold, working their way inwards until he was fighting to suppress a whimper. _It hurts. It hurts…_ He could see the alarm lacrima beginning to light up as it picked up on his distress and he knew that it wouldn’t be long before it called or help. He lunged forward in desperation, grasping at it, and his magic - his stupid, broken magic lashed out, short-circuiting the lacrima, and he gasped, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood as the backlash worked its way through his body.

_It hurts…_

**

   Mira had gone for a walk, needed to stretch her legs and to get a drink. At least that was what she had told herself, but deep down she knew that she needed to get away from that door. To get away from the door that was hiding Natsu from her sight, a door that right now felt as though it was a barrier a mile high, and needing to escape from her own thoughts for a while. It hadn’t helped, because everywhere she had gone there had been reminders that she was in a hospital, never letting her forget why they were here and in the end, she had admitted defeat and headed back to resume her watch.

   She knew as soon as she stepped into the corridor that something was wrong. For one thing, the door was slightly ajar, and as much as she wanted to hope that it was Natsu holding out an olive branch, she knew that it wasn’t. And then there was the lingering pressure in the air, pressure that she recognised although thankfully it wasn’t enough for him to have lost control completely. She hesitated for a moment, wanting to honour his request to be left alone, but then she remembered what had happened the last time she had left him alone and she sucked in a breath before moving forward and nudging the door open.

“Natsu?” She called quietly as she stepped into the room, not wanting to startle him and half expecting to be told to leave, only to come up short, panic flooding her when she realised that the bed was empty. Not only that but the lacrima that had been set up to monitor him was on the floor, now nothing more than a useless, burnt-out stone and she swallowed thickly as she stared at it for a moment before whirling around. “Natsu _!” I should never have left him again_ , her stomach was churning as she bolted down the corridor, praying that she would turn the corner and catch a glimpse of the distinctive pink hair. Instead, she found herself skidding and nearly colliding with a nurse. She must have looked like a crazy person, frantically grabbing the woman. “Have you seen Natsu? He has pink hair, and he’s wearing a hospital gown?”

   The blank look was the only answer she needed, and she released her, turning and continuing to run down the corridor, ignoring the shout to slow down. Natsu. _Where would he go?_ For a wild moment, she entertained the thought that he might have left the hospital, that he might have fled… that he might be that desperate to get away from them. But that wasn’t Natsu. As angry as he might be right now, he wouldn’t leave them like that, she was sure of that, and…she swallowed, remembering Porlyusica’s words from earlier, he probably wasn’t able to get too far _. So where would he go?_ She came to a halt as she wracked her brain, hating that it had been so easy to understand him a couple of days ago, but now she felt like she was almost chasing a stranger, at least until her eyes landed on the sign pinned to the other wall, maybe not such a stranger…

   Breaking into a run again she made her way down the corridor, following the arrows and bursting through into the stairwell, startling a healer coming down them. She muttered an apology but didn’t stop, taking the steps two at a time as she bolted up the stairs, heading for the roof. _How could she have forgotten?_ He had often escaped onto the guild roof as his condition got worse. It was one of the easiest places to avoid everyone and when she had asked he had admitted that he felt closer to Igneel up there. A distant look in his eyes as he told her about days spent riding on his father’s back, of how it had felt to soar through the air and see the world miles below.

   She was breathing heavily when she burst onto the rooftop a few minutes later, frantically glancing around and freezing when she spotted him. Natsu was standing near the edge, the wind tugging at his gown and hair and she could have sworn that she’d just seen him shiver, but what caught her attention was how small he looked. How vulnerable, as though a slightly stronger gust of wind could make him shatter and her breath caught.

“Natsu?” Mira called quietly, moving before she had decided what to do, fear gripping her as she realised just how close to the edge Natsu was standing. He _wouldn’t, he couldn’t…_ The Dragonslayer tensed at her voice, tilting his head to glance at her, watching her as she approached before slowly turn to look at her and she was relieved to see him move away from the edge. “You weren’t?” She didn’t quite know what she was asking, but Natsu seemed to realise what she meant, his gaze darting back to where he had been stood before shaking his head.

“No.” There was a flicker of something in his expression for a moment, as though he was offended by the question, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared and there was nothing left but exhaustion and a blankness that terrified her. Natsu had always been open with his emotions, it had always been his greatest strength, and sometimes weakness…so to see him like this was terrifying, and yet she found herself unable to look away as he held her gaze, deliberately moving back into the centre of the roof as though challenging her to say something else. “Did you really think I would?” He seemed to come up short, the blankness wavering for a moment.

“I…” She wanted to say no, but she couldn’t forget what he had said or what Gray had said about his reaction when he woke up, and she glanced down. “I’m sorry, Natsu, I…” She didn’t have the words to explain just how sorry that she was. Sorry for leaving him behind that day, sorry for what she had said to make him stay behind, sorry that they had fought to keep him alive without any thought for what he wanted. “I’m sorry,” she repeated miserably.

   Natsu sighed. Some part of him had known that his escape wouldn’t go undetected for long, in fact, he had been surprised when he had slipped out of his room to find no one waiting to catch him. Still, part of him had hoped that he’d had longer, not to do anything and he couldn’t help but glance at Mira. _Did she really think he would do something like that?_ His gaze darted back to the edge, had he thought about it? He shook his head with a growl, as much as hated what was happening, struggling to lock his knees as it felt as though they were waiting to give way…as much as he hated the sensation of his magic stirring beneath the surface, his breath catching as it brought with it fresh pain…he couldn’t do that. Sighing, feeling strangely empty at that realisation he turned his attention back to Mira, blinking when he realised that she was still murmuring apologies and struggling not to look at him and he closed his eyes.

   He hurt, he was tired, and he was still mad, but there was no way he could bring himself to ignore her distress when she was right there in front of him.

“I was ready to die back then,” he admitted softly, flinching when her head snapped up, staring at him with wide eyes that did nothing to hide her anguish and he had to look away. He had been ready to die, he still wished that he had, that he didn’t have to endure the pain that was making his stomach churn, but somehow it was harder to admit to Mira. “Not just to escape this,” he gestured at himself, before dropping his hand when he realised how badly he was trembling. “But because it would’ve been easier for everyone.” Mira made a noise of protest, and he shook his head, needing to get the words out, and not sure that he would be able to continue if she stopped him now. “You wouldn’t have had to watch things get worse, you wouldn’t have to try and smile just to try and bolster my spirits. But…”

“We took that choice from you.” Her soft declaration hung heavily in the air between them. Natsu couldn’t bring himself to deny her words, because no matter how much he wanted to understand or how much he wanted to forgive his friends, it was true. He had made his choice, he had accepted what was happening and even welcomed it, and that had been taken from him. While Mira was staring at the floor, her arms creeping up in a self-hug and when he looked up, he saw her shoulders shake under the force of a repressed sob.

   They remained like that for a few minutes, the silence that had always been comfortable between them even when Natsu’s condition had worsened, and he had been trying to push everyone away, now uncomfortable and tense. After a moment, he moved, unable to stand it, closing the distance between them and reaching out to touch her shoulder, flinching when he realised that she felt warm to him, warm on a way that no one had ever felt to him since Igneel. But this warmth wasn’t comforting, because it was another reminder of what was happening, another sign that his magic was failing him and he recoiled, knowing that she had caught it when her eyes widened and he glanced away.

“Let’s go back inside.”

“Natsu…”

“It’s cold out here, and I think that there are probably better places to sit and talk,” he made it sound as though he was worried about her, but neither of them missed the shiver that worked its way through him, and he tugged the gown closer as though it would help. “Plus, Porlyusica will probably kill me if she finds me up here.” It was a weak stab at humour, made weaker by the subject, but Mira quirked her lips at him and nodded.

“Yeah let’s go back inside.”

     He gestured for her to take the lead, not wanting her to see how hard it was for him to walk, to see the pain that he couldn’t hide as the movement fanned the pain into a blazing inferno. Mira didn’t fall for it though, studying him for a moment, holding his gaze before moving closer, reaching out, keeping her movements slow. Offering him a chance to push her away or retreat if he wanted. He wanted to, he didn’t want to rely on them,  and he didn’t know if he was ready to reach out to them again. But he couldn’t bring himself to pull away, because this was Mira and even now that he could barely stand, his magic in ruins and time running through his fingers like sand, there was no pity in her gaze as she watched and waited. It was that which made him nod, letting her move closer, letting her move to his side and wrap an arm supportively around his waited. It was that which made him hide his wince as even having her pressed against his side in support was enough to send lightning bolts of pain through him. “Natsu?”

“I’m okay.” _I’m not,_ they both knew it was a lie, and he waited for her to call him on it, but she didn’t, instead glancing away and focusing on moving them both forwards.

“It wouldn’t…” Mira murmured a few minutes later as they carefully navigated the stairs, hating the way he would flinch with every other step and catching each gasped breath and barely suppressed whimper, absorbing them all with stinging eyes and a strained expression.

“Huh?” Natsu slowly tilted his head towards her, blinking as his vision wavered in and out of focus for a minute. The trip up to the roof had exhausted what little strength he’d managed to draw from his earlier frustration, and he could feel himself flagging, hating the feeling of needing help for something as simple as this.

“It wouldn’t have been easier,” Mira replied quietly, meeting his gaze for a minute before glancing away, trying not to imagine how it would have felt to have reached his side that day and realise that he was already gone. That he had died because she hadn’t stayed by his side like she should’ve, that he had died using his magic because that had been the only choice left to him. Shivering at the thought of it, she shook her head and forced herself to look at him once more, needing the sight of him alive and there, although she almost didn’t want to see his reaction to her next words. “At least not for us and believe me I know that’s selfish! I know that we were selfish! We weren’t thinking about the fact you would have to keep enduring all this or the fact that it was going to get worse. But we just couldn’t afford to lose you, not yet.” The last word crept out, barely audible as though she hoped to stop him from hearing from it, as though she could still hide from the fact that eventually, they were going to lose him.

“But…”

“I know that you don’t want us to see you getting worse,” she knew that she was spot on when he tensed, weakly trying to pull away from her and she hung on grimly, knowing that if she let go, he would slump to the ground. She could feel the tremors wracking his body, the way he was leaning more and more against her until she was pretty much supporting all his weight by the time they reached the bottom step. She desperately wanted to carry him, to convince him to let her do that much, but she knew that it was too soon for that and so she tightened her grip as much as she dared and continued quietly. “You don’t want our pity, or forced smiles and cheer…”

   His room was finally coming into view, and she fell silent, focusing on getting him the last few steps, relieved that the others didn’t seem to have returned yet. Natsu had let her help, but she wasn’t naïve enough to think that anything had been resolved or forgotten and the others would just have complicated things.

   Neither of them spoke as she helped him back into bed, catching the way his eyes darted down to the broken lacrima before skittering away and noticing the way his hands clenched against the covers as she tucked them around him. He was shivering. He wasn’t supposed to shiver, and she ached to curl around him and lend him her warmth, even though she knew it wouldn’t really help, that nothing could replace the warmth his magic had given him. Instead, she settled on the edge of the bed, hating the wariness in his eyes as he watched her, although he didn’t resist when she cautiously reached for him. Grasping his chin and tilting it until he was looking at her once more, clearly able to see the fear in the olive eyes and she knew that her previous words had been on point. “That’s what you feared from the beginning and now, and now I can’t promise that you won’t see that.” She hated having to admit that, but she knew that she had to be honest now, that he deserved that much.

“I know,” he sounded so resigned, so broken that she threw caution to the wind, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a loose hug, not daring to hold him any tighter as she heard the whimper he couldn’t quite suppress and she wanted to scream. How was it fair, that even comfort was hurting him now?

“I wish that I could promise you so many things,” she whispered, closing her eyes, refusing to cry. Not when Natsu was dry-eyed despite everything that had happened. “I wish that we hadn’t been selfish, that none of this had happened, but Natsu?” She waited until she got a tiny noise of acknowledgement to show that he was listening, knowing that it was the best she could hope for at the moment as she had felt the way he had shuddered at each word. “It wouldn’t have made things easier, because if you had died that day. If you had slipped away, we would have lost precious time with you. We would have lost the chance to say goodbye, and I know it’s selfish,  but all of us want that. We want to spend as much time as we can with you, to be able to say g-goodbye to you properly, no matter how much it might hurt.”


	35. Chapter 35

        Natsu squeezed his eyes shut, wishing that he could block out her words, or that he could pretend that he wasn’t softening at her words. _We want to spend as much time as we can with you._ It was a feeling that he knew all too well, it had been why he had been fighting so hard all this time, and he blinked as he remembered that. He had fought this for so long because of his friends because he didn’t want to leave them behind. When had he forgotten that? No, it wasn’t that he had forgotten, he doubted that he would ever be able to forget them, or what they meant to him. It had just become lost in everything else. It wasn’t that it had become less important, or that his feelings had faded, it was just that everything else had grown, swelling until it had overwhelmed everything else.

     It didn’t soften the fact that he was still alive when he had been ready to accept that it was over. It didn’t ease the anger and hurt whirling in his chest, even as his arms tentatively crept around Mira to return the hug. But it was something, an ember of warmth that cuts through the chill that had gripped him since he’d woken, and he sighed, letting his head fall against her shoulder. Refusing to let the pain that rippled through his body at the movement force him back. Eventually, it would win, he knew that much now. Knew that he couldn’t hide from that truth anymore, but he would be damned if it took this from him just yet.

“Mira…” He whispered.

“Yes?”

“Promise m-me,” Natsu swallowed, eyes beginning to sting now as his voice caught and broke. It was too much, everything was too much, and he was so tired. He was exhausted physically and emotionally, and he didn’t want to deal with it anymore. But that choice had been taken from him, and with time trickling away between his grasping fingers, he knew that he had to deal with it now. That he needed to do what he could with the time that he had left. _I didn’t want to hurt them,_ he thought bitterly. He had heard what Mira had said about not caring how much it would hurt, but those were words spoken from desperation, and he closed his eyes, feeling the tremors wracking his body. The burn that was his magic. And he had a feeling that was something she would come to regret by the time this was over.

“Natsu?” Mira prompted, voice soft, and he could feel her trying to pull back to look at him, and his grip tightened. It hurt, but then everything did at the moment, and he refused to let go, because right now she was the only thing that felt real, helping him to stay conscious and grounded. “I’m not going anywhere,” she soothed, going still as she realised that he wasn’t going to let go, her own grip tightening in response. She was still gentle, but no longer as overly cautious as before and somehow that helped, and Natsu took a deep, shuddering breath.

“…promise me you won’t treat me differently, no matter how bad things get,” he whispered, knowing that he was asking a lot. Porlyusica was still trying to be gentle with him, not wanting to admit just how bad things were going to get, but he had seen his magic, and he could feel it in his body. He was coming apart at the seams, and it was only going to get worse. He wasn’t even sure how much of him was going to be left by the end, which terrified him more than anything else now that he had thought about it.

“I promise,” Mira didn’t hesitate for a second, even though she realised the weight of what he was asking, her voice steady. She wished that she could have promised that the others wouldn’t change either, and that they could go back to the guild, and that he would be Natsu right until the very end, but she had already seen the others hesitating, some of them not knowing how to act around the Dragon-slayer even before it had become this bad. She didn’t blame them, and she knew that deep down Natsu didn’t either, but it was another weight for him to bear. She couldn’t spare him from that, but she could make sure that she didn’t add to it. “You’re always going to be you, right until the very end, and I wouldn’t treat you any other way.” She let the words sink into her heart, knowing that she was going to need them for the days to come.

      Natsu could feel her heart hammering beneath where his head was pressed, and the vibration of her words, letting them wash over them. There was a weight to her words, a fierceness that told him that she had realised what he was asking, and he wanted to feel guilty for putting that onto her shoulders, but all he could feel in that moment was relief. “Thank you,” he whispered, knowing that it wasn’t enough, but lacking the energy to say more, as though he had just been waiting for that reassurance. Now the pain and exhaustion were rising around him, clawing at him, and he pressed his face further into her, trying to escape, unable to stop the noise that bubbled up in the back of his throat.

“Try to sleep,” Mira murmured, and then she was moving, and he clutched her in panic. He wasn’t ready to see the others, but as much as he had wanted to be alone earlier, the thought of being left behind now terrified him. He wasn’t sure if it was because it was Mira, or whether he was just scared of being alone, but his fingers bit in, although he had a feeling that the grip which would have been bruising once, was now little more than a slight pressure against her now. “I’m just getting us more comfortable unless you want me to leave?” Mira hesitated, and he was quick to shake his head in denial, not trusting his voice to work right now. His head spun from the movement, his stomach rolling, and for a wild moment, he thought that he was about to throw up as the world became a dizzying swirl around him.

    When it finally settled, mercifully without him losing the contents of his stomach, he was practically limp, blinking as he found that Mira had moved them down the bed into a more comfortable position. She was practically curled around him, one hand moving soothingly through his hair, and her voice a low murmur in his ear, as he came back to himself. He couldn’t quite make head or tails of what she was saying, too tired and in too much pain, to make sense of anything else at the moment, but it was soothing. More soothing than he wanted to admit, and not knowing what else to do, he closed his eyes, and let her voice and warmth, lull him towards sleep.

*

    It hadn’t taken long for Natsu to fall asleep after that, and once Mira was sure that he was under, she let her head fall back against the pillow, tears welling in her eyes. She didn’t dare make a sound though, not wanting to wake him, lifting the hand that wasn’t playing with his hair to her mouth as a sob welled up. She wasn’t naïve enough to think that this was absolution, or that he had forgotten about what had happened, or the choice they had stolen from him. That was a bridge they still needed to cross, all of them, and she had a feeling that was going to be an even more harrowing conversation than this one had been.

_But he listened to me…_

     She closed her eyes. Words. That was all she had to offer him, words and promises. She couldn’t give him answers or stop what was happening to him. She couldn’t give him more time. It made the weight of the promise she had given intensify, and she felt the tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks. It wasn’t enough, and yet she had seen his relief when she had given her word, and she knew that it had meant a lot more to him. It didn’t help, or ease the pressure in her chest, especially as she shifted slightly, trying not to dislodge him as she turned so that she could see his face. He was pale, the shadows beneath his eyes so dark that they looked bruises at this point, and he had lost weight, becoming a shadow of himself, something that they had all been desperately trying to avoid acknowledging because it meant admitting that he was beginning to slip away from them.

    Now she didn’t let herself look away or miss any of the details. She traced the lines of his face with her eyes, noticing that even in sleep, he was in pain, his forehead furrowed as he shifted slightly in his sleep, mumbling under his breath. He looked painfully young like this. Too young for this to be happening, and yet that wasn’t going to spare him. _Nothing was,_ she had to admit now in the privacy of her own thoughts. She knew that Porlyusica and Wendy would keep looking. That everyone would keep clinging to that frantic, desperate hope that somewhere out there was an answer to what was happening to the Dragon-slayer, but as much as she wanted to cling to that hope too, Mira knew that she couldn’t, not anymore. Not if she wanted to keep her promise, and she sniffled, the tears falling faster now as she leant in to press a kiss to his forehead.

_You’re always going to be Natsu…_

**

    Porlyusica had found them like that a couple of hours later when she’d come to check on Natsu, finding him still flat-out, while Mira dozed uneasily next to him, stirring whenever he shifted, terrified of missing the slightest change in his condition. Seeing the red eyes narrowed at her, she blushed but didn’t move.

“He slipped out…” She whispered, feeling bad for dropping the Dragon-slayer in it, but knowing that the healer needed to know everything if they were going to get him back to a condition where he could at least travel home. Porlyusica scowled at that, now treating to the sleeping Dragon-slayer to an equally disapproving look. “But we managed to talk a little.” She couldn’t claim that things were fixed, not even between them, despite the way he was pressed into her side, seeking out the offered comfort even in his sleep.

“And…?”

“He’s not forgiven us, not yet at least.”

“Did you expect him to?” Not accusing, just curious and yet somehow that was a thousand times worse, and Mira was glad that she was completely honest when she shook her head. _Hoped? Yes. Expected? No._ Porlyusica offered her a slightly softer look for that, moving around to Natsu’s side of the bed. “I’m glad he let someone in though,” the healer added quietly, leaning in to check on the Dragon-slayer as best she could without disturbing him, as rest and food would help him more than anything at this point. “It’s going to be hard enough as it is, without going through it on his own.”

“He would never have been on his own.” It didn’t matter if he’d tried to push them all away completely, they would have stayed close, weathering the storm as best they could just to make sure that he wasn’t alone. It would have been terrible, and they would have all suffered for it. But he wouldn’t have been alone. Still, she was glad that he had at least let her in, although she knew that they weren’t back to where they had been. That they might not have the time to get back there. She carefully pulled her mind away from that train of thought, just in time to catch the approving nod from the older woman.

“I never thought any different,” Porlyusica murmured as she resumed her examination, the smile fading as she studied the Dragon-slayer, realising that he was paler than he had been earlier, his breathing a little more ragged, and the red of fever threatening to blossom in his cheeks. “He’s overdone it.”

“I’ll make sure he rests,” Mira vowed fiercely, swallowing back the guilt that threatened to surge up, knowing that he had been trying to escape what had happened. _What we did to him._ He might understand why they’d done what they’d done, he might even come to forgive it in what time they had, but he wouldn’t forget.

They wouldn’t forget.

   If Porlyusica knew what she was thinking it didn’t show as she nodded. “Thank you, I’ll see what the Doctor’s have for the fever because that’s the last thing he needs to fight right now.” Mira swallowed at the tacit reminder of how dire things were, seeing the same anguish in the red eyes, that she saw in Wendy’s whenever she remembered that this wasn’t something that could be fixed with their magic. But she didn’t say anything as the healer left, instead focusing on Natsu once more, seeing the threat of fever and pressing closer. As though she could chase it away and keep the Dragon-slayer anchored with them through her presence, and willpower alone. She wished it was that simple. Wished that she couldn’t feel the heat beginning to burn through the body, that was always too cold these days, or how weakly his fingers curled against her as he leant into her with a sleepy mumble.

_Please, just give us a little longer…._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short update this time, as I get back into the story.


End file.
